


Of Reapers and Burnt Beginnings

by Crescent_Immortality



Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Action, Blood and Violence, Body Image, Canon-Typical Violence, Character Development, Drug Addiction, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Mildly Dubious Consent, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Slow Burn, Trigger Warning: Suicide Contemplations, character interactions, lots and lots of cursing, mild body horror
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-02
Updated: 2021-01-31
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:01:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 27
Words: 172,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25677766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crescent_Immortality/pseuds/Crescent_Immortality
Summary: Trying to save the universe isn't just point and shoot. It's dangerous, gritty, and painful. It's sleepless nights, loss of appetite, addictions, endless politics, and injuries. But there are bright moments where your friends and crew are there for you, when connections are made, and where you love each other unconditionally. You are all brethren born of ash and flame and baptized in battle together. You are shaped by wit and banter, alcohol and war stories. This is the story of how deep friendships go, how they were forged, and how the beginning of the end molds Shepard and Garrus into one solid front against it.
Relationships: Female Shepard & Garrus Vakarian, Female Shepard/Garrus Vakarian, Thane Krios/Female Shepard, and vaguely
Comments: 175
Kudos: 108





	1. Chapter 1

“What the hell?! God you are such a fucking cheater Jeff,” Shepard blurted. The table of bodies at Dark Star lounge erupted into howling and guffawing. The plastic plinking of credit chits and gambling chips drowned out the uproar for a few minutes as winnings shifted from a multitude of alien extremities. 

“Oh shit, she’s pissed, the first name came out. Now, now Commander, where is that famous N7 calm, huh?” Joker teased. A chorus of ‘oohs’ started up. Next to him, Kaiden hid his smile behind his fist while a chip-less elcore and hanar excused themselves from the betting.

“Probably the same place all your cards are, Flight Lieutenant - up your ass!” She spat. A din of raucous laughter began again from the spectating crowd of marines. Shepard gazed around the room but could barely make out the top of Liara and Tali’s head’s out on the dance floor. At her table was the senior Normandy team: Joker and Kaiden to her left, Garrus on her right, and Wrex across. Around them and filling in holes were her Alliance crewmen, out celebrating the successful completion of their first mission. Since that mission was saving the Citadel from destruction, the heroes had naturally drawn an immense, thunderous, multitude into Dark Star. 

Waiters wove through the masses, people danced, the music resounded. The victory was palpable in the charged atmosphere of the small establishment. Her chest burst with the pride she had for her crew’s accomplishments. The famous soldier returned her attention to the game. She had thrown down her useless hand, so her typical M.O. of hucking something at her smart-ass pilot had to be abandoned in favor of a different distraction. 

She stood, leaned over the table, and held out a palm to her enormous, scaly, Krogan merc. “Wrex, lemme have a drag of that.”

“What... you gave this to me Shepard!” He pulled the item of interest - a large Earth made cigar - from his wide lips.

“Come on buddy, it's human custom to share at least once with the generous gifter!” Begged the small, determined woman. Wrex regarded her with a smirk but handed her the cigar. She sucked greedily and puffed out a plume of smoke with a content sigh. Kaiden put an elbow on the monstrous merc’s shoulder.

“She’s working you, there’s no custom I’m aware of.” The biotic declared as Shepard resumed her spot and picked up her newly dealt cards. She rolled her eyes in response.

Garrus’s flanged dual tone rose above the noise. “Oh he knows, he’s just too fond of her to say no.” All seven feet of him leaned smugly, mandibles widely showing teeth, with both arms thrown across the back of the booth cushions.

“That’s rich coming from you, whelp,” The warlord’s booming laugh must have ruffled the Turian... she saw him suck his mouth plates in tight to his head. 

Another round passed. The players discarded hands in disgust as Kaiden stood to scoop his pile of winnings. As the sniper had folded, his hawkish stare had been on Shepard's cards as he reclined. He couldn't help but notice her winning hand when she conceded to her Lieutenant… eyebrows drew up when their gaze connected. She winked. Ah, he figured it out. Months of sharing the battlefield meant they didn’t need words to communicate - the two of them had had an instant connection. Thinking back across the whole ordeal… she hadn’t asked him to do anything a certain way since their second ground mission. He just recognized what she wanted and did it. They were an effortless team, and even her fellow N7 candidates didn’t make it as easy as he did. Shepard patted Garrus’s pauldron affectionately.

"Uh oh, the Savior of the Citadel is drying out over here men, another round!!" Joker shouted. The cheer was a cacophony as pitchers of beer were passed around and glasses were filled. 

Engineer Adam's voice pierced the den. "Who's like us?!"

"Damn few!" Followed by a litany of stomping and hollering from the soldiers.

"Who's like us?!!"

"Damn few!!"

Anyone who witnessed wouldn't soon forget the beaming grin Shepard wore. Someone presented her with a shot glass that she drained with a flourish, and her beer followed. 

She saw Tali and Liara’s forms elbowing their way closer through the crowd. “Trouble, at 0600.” The table occupants turned to look. 

“It’s your reckoning now Shepard,” Wrex blew out a smoke curled breath. She rested her forehead in her palm.

“Yeah and too late for a tactical retreat,” She leaned over and took a big gulp of Joker’s beer.

“HEY! Anyone here will buy you one, you don’t have to take mine ya know,” he admonished.

“Aww I’m sorry, lemme make it up to you.” She grabbed his head with both hands, turned it and kissed him on the cheek. It left a perfect purple lipstick print. Kaiden’s adams apple bobbed as he swallowed, and Wrex chuckled around his cigar.

“Eww gross Commander! Find someone with your own bone density to pick on... and stop trying to look at my cards!” He yanked his arm away. There was no trying. She definitely saw his cards. Just as Liara appeared next to the large Krogan’s elbow... the corners of her mouth turned up at the flight Lieutenant's visage.

“Marking your territory Shepard?” The pale blue Asari grinned. Joker rolled his eyes.

“Better believe it. Should I do them all?” The N7 motioned to everyone at the table.

“Careful, I‘ll use tongue.” the Krogan declared while regarding his cards. The rest of the booth was quiet except for Joker’s sharp laugh.

“Shepard, you said you’d dance with us - you promised!” Tali implored with her accented, modulated voice. She grabbed the Turian’s arm and pulled with little success. “Get up, Garrus, let her out. I’m not taking no for an answer again!” Her tone of consternation was hard to miss, despite her helmet.

“Fiiiine fine. Duty calls, lads.” The Commander stood up to shimmy and tug her dress down, then motioned for her sniper to lean forward so she could crawl out behind him. While she squeezed out of the bench, she discreetly grabbed his talons to tap out hand signals into his palm. His hawk eyes bore into hers - he smirked. Ah. See, he got it. She followed her female shipmates through a winding sea of bodies. Shepard looked back and could tell Garrus had won the round with her bit of help - the animated finger pointing and angry faces of her friend’s dragged a smile up that accompanied her out onto the floor. 

The archeologist made a spot for the three. She placed her hands on her Commander’s hips, behind her Tali slung her arms around her shoulders, and together the group giggled and shimmied to the beat, guiding their CO. Shepard allowed herself to enjoy an inebriated, girlie, sweaty, triumph-tinged, carefree moment with her teammates. Even though she’d been forced to change into it, Liara really picked out a lovely dress for her - a black, high collared bodycon with a low open back and no sleeves. It was simple and very her... female friends were a wonder a career soldier rarely got - and a completely new experience. Tali had chosen a black with gold accented exo suit that had gold bangles jingling at the wrists and ankles with a different helmet shape than her usual. Liara herself wore the popular Asari style long bodycon in a glittering gold. Wait, they matched... huh. Shepard grinned. 

Drinks and shots were plentifully offered, men came and went, dancing with them. Mostly Marines and crewmen with a smattering of Turians, Salarians, a Krogan, and even a Hanar joined in. Shepard wasn’t sure which tentacles were considered its hands or not but took two and gyrated happily until her companions each took a tentacle and joined in too - their laughter had her gasping for breath and wiping a mirthful tear from her cheek . 

At one point the C-Sec officer from Chora’s Den shocked her speechless when he suddenly stalked up behind her. What was his name again? Something with a C... Chellick! His talons were at her waist and he bent to purr something low into her ear just as the crowd around her table roared with mirth. 

“What?” She asked loudly over the commotion.

“I said, ‘I hear I owe the great Commander Shepard my life,’” His plates pulled back to smile. “I’m here to say thanks personally, for me, and for my men.”

“Oh, you are quite welcome, Detective. Unfortunately, I assume the Council won't be following your lovely example?” She made a show of looking around for the three politicians as she wrapped her arms around his neck.

He laughed, “If you ever got so much as a thank you from any of them, I’d swallow my tongue.” 

A somber mood settled in her chest. “You're right. But, I hope they at least realize the amount of good soldiers I sentenced to death for them.” She’d said it quietly, but his grip tightened. He’d heard.

“With Pallin’s untimely demise they have promoted me to Executor... so I’ll be sure to remind them every chance I get.” He grabbed her hand, spun her out away from him and in with an aptitude that brought back her levity. “In the meantime, what can I do to repay you?” He lowered his mouth to her ear.

“That’s unnecessary Chellick, I was only doing my job. You appreciate how we soldiers are - minimalists,” she insisted. He made a ‘tsking’ sound.

“What would the first human Spector ask of the Executor? She could surely ask anything.” He inhaled sharply at her neck and his flanging voice dropped an octave. Suddenly his warm gloved palm on her bare lower back sent a wave of gooseflesh along her body. Oh. _Oh. Oooooooh._

“Chellick, are you hitting on me?” She was mystified; considering any Turian that way had never occurred to her before.

“Oh, finally - yes, of course,” He let out a deep, dual toned chuckle. Her confusion must have been blatant. He continued, “Commander, any man, woman, or otherwise in here would kill to bring _you_ home with them.” He pulled her flush with him and his other hand snaked up to drag through the scant few inches of her grown out fohawk. Even gloved, the talon-tips on her scalp sent shivers down her spine, and his breath was hot on her neck. It _had_ been awhile. Fuck. Her synapses were firing in alcohol molasses but the height, the teeth, and voice registered. Her skin pebbled again. “I am just the first brave enough to admit it.” His eyes flickered to her right for a second. Her head darted to look on instinct.

Shit.

30ft away at the bar was Garrus Vakarian. Staring right at her. Her. In Chellick’s arms. Her face burned... this must be what it felt like to get caught by your parents. Wait, that reaction made zero sense even to her. Tali and Liara were still dancing nearby, giving each other looks. Her sniper jerked his head to the side, motioning to the door. She tried to blink aside her intoxication. Unsuccessfully.

“I’m exceptionally flattered, Chellick, really.”

“But,” He pulled back a bit.

“But I am way too drunk to go home with anybody tonight.” She patted his armored chest. “Give me your extranet address,” He gave her a skeptical look for a second, then sighed.

“Sure Shepard,” he let her go to type on his omni-tool. “If you change your mind or sober up, I’ll be at Purgatory - that's where the C-Sec version of this party is happening. Come find me.” He bowed his chin and left.

She turned and excused herself from her two original companions, pointing to the bar. Garrus was gone though. The soldier swiveled around, he generally stuck out - tall as he was. Man, was her head spinning. She found him standing in the shadows outside the front entrance, partially down a side walkway.

“You realize that visor gives you away, right?” She leaned on the wall next to him. 

He hummed. “I wasn’t exactly trying to hide. If I decided to stalk you, you certainly wouldn’t find me.” 

“Nobody stalks Commander Shepard, she is too fast.” She stumbled and her ankle rolled painfully in her heels. “Ah shit, these things are so stupid.” She bent and pulled off both shoes with a groan. Being 4 inches shorter felt great, she wiggled and stretched her feet appreciatively. He was regarding her out of the corner of his eye.

“Commander Shepard was prey tonight. Whether or not she knew it.” He spoke softly... thankfully. Her hearing had not yet adjusted to the quiet atmosphere outside, and without the raging heat of bodies, her skin was frigid. Her brow furrowed, trying to understand what he was saying through the alcohol haze. She swayed again. Her eyes focused on a hydro pod... being held in front of her. She touched it… it was still ice cold.

“Oh Big Guy, you are ACE!” She took it and kept it to her lips, imbibing quickly. He brought out another for her to drink. “No Shepard without Vakarian. ” She mumbled. He was watching her sharply. “To be honest, I am absolutely knackered. If there isn’t puke and a blackout at some point tonight, I’ll be surprised.”

“I figured as much,” Garrus snorted.

“Wait, did you mean I was Chellick’s prey?” She asked. He did that sucking in thing with his mandibles again. “Ah, he’s fine. He isn’t the type to do anything I don’t want.”

He moved in front of her. “With all due respect, you can’t hear our sub-vocals, Shepard. What he said with his mouth might have seemed gentlemanly, but the vocal tones were anything but.” 

She rolled her eyes and mumbled something about men across species.

“If you are so bothered by it why not come rescue me?” She poked him in the chest a few times. He turned his head away.

“The Savior of the Citadel doesn’t need anyone to fight her battles for her,” he sighed.

“Damn straight! You are smart, Vakarian. The Butcher of Torfan is no one’s prey.” She leaned back into the wall and stretched her arms. He had taken one step closer while she spoke. Faster than her addled brain comprehended, he snatched her limbs while they were up and caged her against the wall with his other hand just above head.

“No one’s prey,” his voice was low. She felt his thrumming tones through the armor pressed into her breast. “You know nothing about Turians, Commander.” 

Holy shit. It was happening again on level 10 this time - every pore on her body was at attention instantly. His husky words EMP’d her nervous system all the way to her core.

Her world spun faster as Garrus buried his head in the crook of her neck and inhaled.

“You stink of him even just in that short moment, Shepard. You’ve no idea of his intentions. You humans are like fledglings, no sense of smell, no hearing.” 

_Wait._ There was a talon pulling her collar down low, and an impossibly hot, wet, lave from her clavicle up to the shell of her ear. _Holy shit, hooooly FUCK._ Her breathing ramped up erratically in response. His tongue was long and rough against her pulse. Wait, what was this? Was this some Turian thing? Was this flirting? Did he appreciate what this meant, what this was doing to her?

“Va...Vakarian... don’t you dare... start something you have no intentions of finishing,” she stammered with a brain that wouldn’t compute and a tongue that was suddenly too dry to work. He dragged himself from her neck and smirked.

Yeah, he fucking knew exactly what he was doing. Of course he did.

“I’m warning you, I won't take kindly to being worked up twice in one night.”

“Oh, so he got you going?” He was watching her owlishly.

“I... didn’t realize what was happening for an embarrassingly long time,” she spoke, sheepishly. “I don’t have a fetish either if that’s what you are thinking. But I didn’t chase Chellick down a dark alley, kick my shoes off, and trust him to take care of my drunken ass, did I?” He released her, his gaze refusing to stray, and took an audible breath. 

“Nope. Chellick didn’t stand by my side trying to stop a rogue Specter. Chellick didn’t help me get my own Specter title. He didn’t follow me into every ridiculous firefight, no questions asked. And he wasn’t at my six when Saren killed himself, only to be used as a puppet by an ancient sentient death machine.” Shepard spat the last part as if it left a bad taste. She then tucked her arms inside his cowl.

“I hope you aren’t feeling guilty about that. He chose the only route he could to keep any honor. I think he was brave. No one else in this galaxy will remember him that way but you, me, and Wrex.” His voice was soothing. Familiar. She stared at him, eyes flitting back and forth over her friend.

Finally she nodded. “You’re right.” 

They stood in silence looking at one another for some time. The N7 pulled her arms from him and continued stretching her feet absently, looking anywhere but at her sniper. 

“You got your next assignment, didn’t you,” he watched her cringe. “You did! When were you going to tell me?”

“Oh, you know, right now was the plan.” The never-flustered Commander Shepard was picking at her nails. He chuckled, rich and low. 

“I’m not sure the Council is buying it, even though a god-damned Reaper was here, IN THE FLESH, trying to murder them. They want me to go search out any remaining Geth pockets and take care of them.”

“No wonder you think they don’t believe you. It’s an obvious waste of our time. We should be preparing for the rest of them!”

“You’re right. It will be easy stuff - I’m sure we will be back in a few months. I’ll drop Wrex and Tali off while we are out. But I intend for this to only waste _my_ time. This’ll be perfect for you to reapply for Specter candidacy.” Her eyes were imploring.

“But Shepard,” His mandibles were flickering; that was a doubt thing.

She forged ahead. "I recommended you again at my Council meeting. I forwarded the official documents yesterday, you'll hear soon. At least, you'd better - because I pointed right at Sparatus and told him if he didn't pick you he was a damn fool and I'd be...remorseful... that I saved his skinny ass."

Garrus let out a boisterous laugh. “You didn’t! Did you get a holo of his face? Please tell me you did.”

“I... may have set my omni-tool to record from my headset while I was in there… how many C-Sec laws did that break?”

“None, if you show it to me.” 

“I’ll send it to you but you’d better triple encrypt it.” Her expression turned serious. “What I am hoping for most... is that your presence here, where it matters, will keep the heat on about the Reapers. Since we walked out of the rubble of the Citadel Tower you and Wrex have been in every news cast I’ve been in. People recognize you, your face, your opinions. If you squawk loud enough, it’ll publicly pressure the Council. With Wrex going back to Tuchanka, you’re the only person I can rely on.”

“I’m not happy you’ll be across the galaxy with no one to watch your back,” He rubbed a palm over his foreplates and fringe.

“I’ll still have Kaiden and Liara,” she declared. Could Turians roll their eyes? She thought he just did.

“I understand... I’ll stay. I’m no politician, but I’ll do what I can. Once we are both Specters, we can combine our governments and our pull with the Council to get everyone ready for the fight.” They clasped arms.

“Exactly. This way we will have a much better chance of saving this galaxy full of idiots, whether or not they like it.”

“I’m gonna miss you, Shepard.” His tone pulled hard at her heartstrings.

“Don’t give me that look, Vakarian. I’ll be back before you know it.” She slapped him on the pauldron. “Now be a gentleman and take a girl home, wouldya?”

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

Commander Shepard’s eyes blinked slowly open.

The N7 soldier was in an unfamiliar bathroom standing under a hot spray, forehead resting on the wall, listening to the lulling hiss of the surrounding water. There was no Garrus, no Dark Star, no boisterous celebration. Her normal ten minute shower routine had turned into forty in the quiet of her new suite on the SR2. That memory had been the last good time she’d had with everyone...before all their best laid plans went straight to hell in a white beam and empty void. 

Seeing Joker and Chakwas again had been the first small light, the first bit of sense she could grasp onto in this new reality. It felt like she’d finally let out a breath since waking up on that operating table. She’d turned and there he was, better than she remembered! Walking, with no crutches! The lack of cast on his arm pushed home that it really had been two years since they’d last been together on the Normandy. Joker smiled at her exclamation when she turned, but he never did meet her eyes. He kept fidgeting with his hat and looking at the floor. Well, he’d never been the type to talk about his feelings she told herself. But his guilt furrowed his brow and hung his head in her presence, even as they stood together, hands hanging over the railing of the docking bay getting their first magnificent view of their new home in the Normandy SR2. Shepard had put a hand on his broad back and told him that she didn’t blame him at all, but he had flinched like he’d been shot and dropped his face into his palms. Nothing else seemed appropriate to say in the foreboding shadow of his grief, so she just rested her head on his shoulder and hoped he could feel her sincerity. He eventually wrapped an arm around her waist and they stood, watching the etchers and painters put the finishing touches on the ship's name.

Dr. Chakwas had at least been the same as always. The easy smile that belied secrets, the kind motherly heart, the touch of sarcasm in her english accent. If the Doctor weren't wearing the Cerberus science uniform it would be like Shepard had never died. It was nice to forget, in her presence. 

She tried to focus on bathing again but in the first quiet moment she’d had, her thoughts kept pulling inward - this time replaying the events of Freedom’s Progress. Her and the Cerberus operatives fumbling around one another as they learned each other’s battle rhythm, the thick silence of the empty colony, all unsettling evidence of life lived - but no life found. The footage of the Collectors, Veetor’s blatant panic, the shocked sound of Tali’s voice through her helmet modulator... her distrust. It had been two years... in Shepard’s mind, they had just been joking together in the mess a few days ago. No surprise a sisterly bond had morphed into fear, Tali didn't even trust that she was herself. Hell, neither did Shepard. _Two years. What was the last thing I remember?_

Yelling at Liara to get to an escape pod as the Normandy rocked hard and stumbled them... the crewmen darting around them through the flames... the silence of vacuum in the CIC. Staring up at an icy planet through the jagged hole ripped through her ship... the beam searing her home into pieces... the pop of Joker’s arm breaking as she hauled him from the chair and over to the bridge lifeboat.... No, it was the blaring alarm in her armor as she came to after being blasted out of the hull’s remains. The recollection of the white planet brought her eyes closed against its bright glare. She heard the hiss over the screaming alarm of her suit… the memory of that sound sped her heart rate - behind her eyelids oxygen vented past her visor. She struggled to tighten the helmet to her neck seals but she lacked leverage while floating, couldn’t twist far enough in the armor - her breath was rasping. She muted the depressurization alert and tried to calm her breathing, but instinct forced her to gasp raggedly... the sun broke over the horizon….

“Do you require assistance, Commander Shepard?” EDIs voice tore viscerally through the waking nightmare. Her eyes snapped open, and she heaved in a trembling gulp of humid air. The soldier’s knees threatened to give out. She braced both palms on the slick metal of the shower stall while she continued struggling for breath.

“No, EDI,” she answered weakly. There was a pause as if the AI would argue.

“Logging you out Commander.”

“Fuck this,” the soldier murmured to herself and lathered with shaky hands. 

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

It was a few minutes later that she cursed, storming out of the bathroom and down the stairs still dripping wet. Shepard strode to her armor console and palmed the controls to bring up the full-length mirror. She stood in front of it, scrutinizing her body, running her hands from her waist over the swell of her hips, and cupped the oversized mounds of her breasts.

“Son-of-a-bitch!” She gasped, eyes tracing the cybernetic lines left along the skin in the reflection. She opened her mouth wide and ran her tongue over her teeth a few times. They were perfect... glaringly white, all in a row... nary a filling to be found.

“Holy Shit!” Holy SHIT. They’d... they’d turned her into Combat Barbie!

Her waist was smaller, her hips fuller, her boobs?! HUGE. She’d been a B cup on a GOOD day! What in the nine hells... they were what? Cs? Ds? Her limbs were waif thin, her stomach more rounded, no trace of the muscle definition she’d once earned. Fuck, she had worked so hard for her soldier’s physique! None of her scars were there either, like Torfan had never happened - like her brothers in arms’ deaths were nothing. Barely a freckle marred her skin, other than the Cerberus induced cybernetic trails. Her hair hung down past her shoulder blades... God, she’d noticed the longer mop and thought her chest was bigger, but this was another level now that she saw it. Wait... was that a biotic implant she felt? She turned and caught sight of the little plate just inside the hairline - wait. WAIT. That ass looked familiar....

“MIRANDA!” She howled.

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

A scant few minutes later, a wet-haired and furious Commander stormed out of the lift, past Jacob sitting at the tables, and rounded into Miranda’s office. He witnessed the loud inhale, and then further yelling even after the door had closed.

“LAWSON! WHAT IN THE HOLY HELL HAVE YOU DONE TO ME!” Shepard slammed her palms onto the hard surface of the XOs desk. The Cerberus operative at least had the decency to look alarmed. Was that the first emotion she had seen her wear? She’d file that hilarious countenance away to process later.

“What have I done, Commander? Other than give you life, I’m sure I’ve no idea what you are talking about,” the XO answered.

“Are you kidding me, Lawson?!” Shepard punctuated her sentence by cupping her chest. “I’m pretty sure these aren’t standard Alliance issue!” she hissed. “And this ass! It certainly isn’t mine and certainly looks like your doing... no one will take a real life blow-up doll version of the ‘Savior of the Citadel’ seriously!”

“First, Commander, that ass is genetic perfection,” Miranda answered darkly, stood, and glared right back at her. “Second, it's not like you had done a full nude Fornax spread with all your measurements conveniently in the side bar! I had pictures of your face, I had vids of you in armor, and your Alliance dossier - which only had your height. We improvised, I went with what I know.” She gestured up and down at her own impeccable form and tossed her hair over her shoulder. “And I assure you, everyone takes me very seriously.”

“This is nuts… this... I’m going insane, what kind of afterlife IS this?! Did I go to hell? It was Torfan, wasn’t it? God dammit!” Shepard muttered while threading her hands through her tresses and pulling as she spun and marched out of the office.

“For the record, you are very much alive Commander, I made sure of that!” Miranda shrilled after her. The N7 grumbled under her breath and smashed the button for the elevator. Jacob was standing now with his mug in his hand, looking panicked and swiveled back and forth deciding if he should run or stay to intervene. She made a note to file away the face he was making for later too. Someday, this would just be another funny war story.

“Joker!” She barked out over her com.

“Yes Commander?” 

“What’s our ETA to Omega?”

“About 5 hours Commander.” 

“Oh thank God, maybe I can get some sleep and wake up from this bad dream,” she grumbled more to herself.

“Don’t appreciate the new lung protectors, Shep?” He replied with a disgusting amount of cheer. She snorted.

“I’m not ready to laugh about it yet Joker, try me again later.”

“Roger that, Commander.” The line cut with what sounded like the beginnings of laughter from the pilot. The murderous leer Shepard shot at Jacob made him hightail it out of sight. The elevator slid open.

“EDI, wake me when we get to Omega.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy shit it's actually being posted. I'm in the twilight zone with all this year has brought upon us. But here I am, taking advantage of lock down to churn out my first fic. It's already completed and I will continue posting probably about once a week. I'm already working on Part 2 covering ME3. I'm a quite old fanfic reader and a relatively new entrant to the Mass Effect Fandom in the last few years. Missed the hype train there, but here we are. 
> 
> I hope someone enjoys this. This is a culmination of all the Shakarian fic I've inhaled - all the things I love about mass effect or what I felt was missing, and as many head cannons as I can cram in here. Fanfiction has brought me the only respite I could manage from a soul crushing career and has meant a lot to me over the years. I hope mine can bring someone else respite as well. 
> 
> I'm really hoping to interact in the comments, so let me know what you think, good, bad, or ugly. Critiques will shape my story. It may be done but I'm certainly still tweaking bits and editing my heart out at about 140k-ish words. Please keep me going! Leave me a few words.
> 
> There are SO many amazing Mass Effect fanfics out here, but big shout out to orangeflavor for being so amazing at writing it dragged my withered soul out of the crypt, blew off the dust, and kicked it in the ass. Thanks all for making it this far down the page.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edit: 8/25/20 I'm currently writing for this story in ME3 and I've come back here to add a scene with Anderson I think it needed.

The Commander was standing inside the airlock door listening to the clunking thuds of the docking gear as the Normandy came to a halt.

“Sooo... can we laugh about it yet?” Joker swiveled his chair around with the biggest shit-eating grin Shepard had ever seen him wear. Which was saying something… She clicked her tongue followed by a sigh as she dropped her face into a palm. He took that as a yes.

“Oh _great,_ I’ve been waiting forever! I worked up a few excellent ones already. I’d be more than happy to schedule that Fornax spread for you. I might know a guy... who knows a guy... who has a cousin….” 

“Forever? Really? It’s been 5 hours Joker. Jesus,” Shepard cut him off.

“Yeah, I’ve started writing them down, see?” He held a data pad up to her face, and she pushed it away with a disgusted noise.

“Aw come on Shep, I’m not complaining,” he said in a husky tone, pointedly dragging his eyes up and down her form while he waggled his eyebrows theatrically. That got a snort of laughter out of her as she leaned over and pulled his cap over his face.

“Thanks Don Juan, you’re a real great pal,” she murmured through upturned lips. “At least one of us approves.”

“Hell yeah! This is as good as a raise! But I’ll take that too. Now about that spread, Shep, we’d better schedule soon before your next death date - that way Cerberus can get the measurements right next time,” he said as he pulled his cap off and ruffled his hair with a grin.

“Next time? Let's hope not. Fornax isn’t exactly good insurance against my pilot not getting out of his chair,” that was the wrong quip to make, and she knew it as it left her mouth. Joker’s visage fell even though he tried to mask it. Shit. Yep, way too early to joke about that.

Shepard looked away from his crestfallen face as the airlock door hissed open. “All right Joker, tell the crew they are on 24 hour shore leave. I want everyone back by 2100 tomorrow. Mama’s got some shopping to do.”

“Shopping?” he asked.

“Yeah, this Cerberus shit isn’t gonna fly,” she tugged on the neck of her uniform, “and I sure as HELL am not wearing the lacy thongs they stocked me with,” she backed into the decontamination chamber and saluted Joker as the door closed between them, muffling his chuckle.

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

Shepard wiped her hands on her cargo pants. Gross, she had gotten Batarian sweat on her from Zaeed’s bounty. She noted her good fortune that he was there inside the airlock AND smart enough to introduce himself. Hopefully that luck extended to the rest of the dossiers she hadn’t looked at yet. She had to choke back a snort. _Yeah, right_. One recruit down, however many to go. The soldier stopped to peer around the shops in the busy docking area and followed her gut to the left. She’d dig up info on this Mordin character while she shopped. Then visit Aria when she was damn well ready to. Fuckin’ lackeys thinking they can bully THE Commander Shepard into… anything, really. She pulled up her Omni tool to tap out a message while she walked.

_Connecting...._

_Secure connection established..._

_C.Shep: And don’t worry, I’ll pick up your usual. I haven’t forgotten._

_Flyboy: Oh great, thanks Mom!_

_Flyboy: Get the special edition!_

_Flyboy: Wait, Flyboy? Can’t you give me a better name than that?_

_BigMouth.FunnyGai49: ..._

_BigMouth.FunnyGai49: 2149? I’m not that old, geeze. You are just hysterical._

_C.Shep: Thought so. If you think of anything else, msg me._

She eyed a group of Vorcha gnashing at passersby as she turned down a grimy walkway towards the main drag. Bodies were crammed along the street, vendors yelled out over the digital advertisements, and there was even an old school sidewalk evangelist shouting about the diabolical ways of the filthy Humans. She kept a tight fist around her credit chits. The ship captain glanced toward an alley where four Batarians were harassing an Elcore. It wouldn’t end well...for the Batarians. Bunch of idiots. A pleasant smell cut through the thick putrid air for a moment and her gut roiled in response. Her hair spun as she whipped her head to a food stall that was selling mystery meat kabobs. Fuck it, time to find out what the Cerberus upgrades could handle. She flicked open another message as she stood in line.

_Connecting...._

_Secure connection established..._

_C.Shep: Was there anything else we needed on this shit hole besides the Salarian?_

_Ms.GeneticPerfAss: Oh bloody hell Commander you haven’t read the dossiers yet have you?_

_Ms.GeneticPerfAss: This name is childish._

_Ms.GeneticPerfAss: Yes, there is another recruit on the station by the name Archangel. A vigilante by the sounds of it. All we know is he is fantastic at eliminating gangs. Massani is dragging a duffle in here so 1/3._

_C.Shep: Roger that._

Shepard finished her food with a soldier's speed and glanced up just in time to catch a garish neon sign for a tattoo parlor. A wicked grin came over her face as she pulled her tool up again.

_C.Shep: Hey no alliance regs right? Should I get a huge mohawk with all this hair?!_

_BigMouth.FunnyGai49: What? Shepard, no._

_C.Shep: SHEPARD YES!_

She attached a selfie with the middle finger up in front of the storefront sign before laughing and walking in.

So, Mordin was running a clinic in the slums. Shepard twisted her new lip ring with her tongue. An altruist Salarian scientist. Hopefully, he was altruistic enough to join up and science his way into rescuing some humans. Many shops later, she still had no actual word on Archangel other than that he was turian and was a hell of a shot. People were eager to discuss his exploits, but none could say where he came from or what his goal was. Well, other than causing money loss for the merc squads. How’d Tim find these likeable guys on Omega, of all places? Also, how does a turian get a human biblical name? 

A very familiar Batarian had made his presence known over the last few blocks. The sight of him dragged her from her thoughts. The Commander sighed and turned to push the bag she carried with her black-and-white civvies down a nearby trash cute. Bye-bye Cerberus, hello Shepard! She clicked her tongue while eyeing her next destination, a flickering barber sign... no time for that with Aria's right-hand lackey hanging about.

She sucked in another lungful of stale, eezo tinged air before turning to him. “All right, all right, fine. I get it Bray, I’m ready to go to your lord and chief now.”

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

“Aria, if you make that face any longer, it’s gonna stick that way,” Shepard yelled over the thrumming beat of Afterlife. She pointedly ignored both the guns pointed behind her from Aria’s goons and the gyrating asari dancers along the perimeter of The Queen’s overlook. 

It had been a few years since they’d last seen one another, but nothing changes on Omega, Aria least of all. The Asari sat languidly, her arms hanging across the back of the sofa and her legs crossed. She still had a penchant for tight leather outfits. 

There wasn’t a single iota of fear or concern in her body. No, just a pissed off scowl aimed at Shepard. “Ignoring the fact that you took your sweet time getting up here, this is the face I make at dead spectors creeping around my station.”

“So nice to see you too, Aria. Drink? For old times' sake?” The Queen waved her to sit and snapped her fingers at a turian to her left who disappeared. Her scowl didn’t move a micrometer from her features as she studied the N7’s visage. The Commander shook out her leather jacket and stretched into a comfortable position on the couch, legs askew, clad in tight jeans and combat boots.

“It undoubtedly is you. I heard a credible story that you were dead. Saw your funeral even.” The turian approached them with shot glasses. Aria grabbed one and waved him away. Shepard downed her’s in one gulp, then choked back a gag. 

“Jesus, I thought that was an asari hard liquor, but really Aria? Batarian hooch? Isn’t that below you?” She coughed, patting her chest.

“Everything is beneath me. But trends are trends,” a smirk replaced the scowl on her amethyst skin. “Two years is a long time, Shep. You have missed out.” 

“If this is what I missed, then,” the soldier grimaced at the glass and trailed off. “Aria, I’m not here to pry. Hell, I’m not even Alliance anymore,”

“Yeah... hard to miss that giant Cerberus logo on your ship,” the Asari gave her a pointed look as she sipped on her shooter.

“Someone’s gotta do something about the colonists. If a fucking terrorist group is the only one willing, then here I am,” Shepard replied and leaned forward into the Asari’s neck. She heard a gun cock behind her, but Aria stuck her palm up. “It’s the Collectors... and I’d bet their sudden interest in humans is very Reaper related.”

Aria’s eyes rounded, but she leaned in further. “You are aware what the Council had to say about your little Reaper threat, don't you?” she murmured into Shepard’s ear. They were nose to nose - the Commander held her eye contact.

“Mind meld me if you don’t believe me.”

“Shit. You’re serious? Why are you telling me this?” Aria straightened.

“Just outside the Omega 4 relay? They’ve got to be all over this station... and more than usual, am I right?” Shepard gave her a hard stare that she returned, and then some, but she nodded. “And I’d be willing to bet its humans now, but that’s not where it’ll end. What you have to protect here… a little forewarning never hurt anyone.” 

Aria stared at her guest, who leaned back into the couch. The lights died down as the song changed around them to an even heavier bass beat.

Shepard resumed speaking over the music. “I’m looking for information on a Salarian named Mordin Solus. I’m also trying to find Archangel.”

Aria scoffed. “I can’t give you much on Archangel other than a trail of bodies to follow. He’s been lying low for the last few weeks. He’s Turian, and smart - he hasn't broken the first rule of Omega,” she motioned to herself, “So I haven’t needed to know more than that. Mordin is in the C block of the apartment slums running a clinic. I’m sure he has his hands full with an outbreak of plague that I’ve had locked down for the past few days. No one in or out until it runs its course.”

“A plague?”

“Yes. We haven’t identified its origin but it’s been affecting everything not human or vorcha down there. It’s Blue Suns territory, so as you can imagine, the Blood Pack have been taking advantage and moving in.” Shepard’s eyes widened. “Don’t worry, I think Mordin is ex STG. He can handle himself,” the asari finished.

“Only humans surviving, huh?” the Commander gave Aria a look. It was well known that Vorcha were resistant to sickness of any kind. That’s what happens when you _are_ a walking disease. The Asari looked away for a moment, contemplating, before she turned back. “I get it, Shepard. I’ll monitor what the Collectors are up to. If I find anything interesting, you’ll be the first person I contact.” 

The Human reached out and tapped her host’s knee before standing. 

“Thanks Aria, stay safe,” she shouted, gave a 2 fingered salute, and walked down from the precipice into the throngs of bodies on the lower level. 

Shepard stopped at the bar and motioned to a turian to pour her a finger. The club was hopping as usual; patrons crowded onto the dance floor; and sequined Aasari maidens, Humans, and Turians danced on their tables. People came and went from side rooms conducting who knows what business in the anonymity the vast three-floored establishment provided. There were perks to having the only one on the station. Not that anyone would dare challenge Aria and open another, even in the same system. She drummed on the bar top and gazed at the surrounding occupants before something caught her eye behind the bartender. When he walked back up with her drink, she pointed.

“Is that Serrice Ice Brandy?” He turned to follow her finger, then nodded. “How much for a bottle?”

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

Thirty minutes later, Shepard stood outside the apartment block smoking a cigarette and chuckling to herself as she held up a Cerberus credit chit to the light. She palmed it as a pair of familiar black and white clad Humans jogged up to her. Miranda scowled.

“I didn’t work that hard on you, Commander, just to watch you undo all of it,” she snatched the cigarette, threw it down and ground her heel on top of it. The other woman sighed and pouted at the crushed butt. 

“I hate to break it to you but you really aren't gonna love my incoming cirrhosis,” she retorted. Jacob turned a chortle into a cough behind them. Shepard snapped her head up as he looked away and rubbed his neck. Her lips twisted into a smile. 

“All right team xenophobe, I’ve got just the mission for us Human lot. Let’s go get a salarian!” She motioned to the two turian guards standing in front of the apartment block entrance. The dark-haired woman scowled harder.

“There is more to Cerberus than what you think Comm- WAIT,” Miranda caught her arm as she walked towards the doors. “You are going like that?” She gestured to Shepard’s jeans, tank top, and jacket.

“What?”

“Your message said Blood Pack Commander?” Jacob interjected.

“Oh come on, just a few vorcha and a little plague?” she smacked the personal shield on her belt loop. “This, and all your lovely enhancements are all I need Miri!” Shepard exclaimed with a touch of scorn. Miranda made a strangled sound in her throat like she would protest before Shepard’s scrutiny made her think better of it. 

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

Hours later saw Shepard, Jacob, Mordin, and Miranda stepping into the Normandy’s airlock. Ms. Perfection was absolutely drenched in Vorcha blood. The N7 bit back a smile while looking at the operative’s fuming face. She had to turn away and cough to mask her laugh. Jacob picked pieces of entrail off of Miranda’s back that the cycle couldn't remove. As the decon procedure ran around the team, Shepard caught her hair in front of her to scrutinize the singed ends. “Christ, damn pyroclastic little bastards really got me with my shield down, didn’t they?” She took off her jacket to inspect the charred edges. Mordin blinked at the Commander.

“Yes, but impressive that you made it alive with cure distributed. Recommend armor next time,” the Salarian spoke cheerily and walked away humming a tune as the airlock opened to let them onto the Normandy. Jacob called after Mordin to show him the lab. Joker spun his chair and glimpsed Miranda’s pissed-off visage as she stomped towards the elevator. He turned to regard Shepard for a second and whistled.

“Now there’s the Commander I remember,” he said as he eyed the bomber jacket and the jeans. When she twisted to face him, the light twinkled off her new jewelry. “A lip ring, Shep? Really? What are you, sixteen again?”

Shepard leaned over, took his hat off by the brim to his mild protest, and set it on her own head. “I happen to like it. Besides, when the regs are away, a girl will play! Hey, did my stuff make it here?”

Joker pointed down the causeway into the CIC. “Yeah, a few boxes showed up a while ago…”

“Oh hell yes!” Shepard sprinted down the hall to dig through the items before he was even done talking. She jogged back up to the pilot’s chair a minute later and dropped a takeout container into his lap. He flinched.

“Geeze Commander, fragile, remember?” 

“Stop whining and open it,” she commanded. He popped the heat element to reveal a steaming hamburger and fries.

“Ooh shit, you are the best CO I’ve ever had!” he exclaimed before he took a big messy bite. He leaned back in bliss as he chewed.

“And that’s not all!” she proclaimed in an announcer’s voice, “This personalized meal delivery comes complete with the latest special edition Fornax!”

Joker let out a long childish ‘woohoooooo’ as she tucked the data pad into his seat. 

“I even got you a coke!” she said and set it down next to him. 

“Shepard, have I ever told you how much I love you? Really? Because it’s more than this luxury leather chair,” he sighed. “Private sector life is great, we shoulda done this sooner.”

“We only had to work for a terrorist group to get it too,” she muttered darkly.

“Hey, I don’t know about you, but I work for THE Commander Shepard, NOT Cerberus. I don’t care what it says on the hull.” The pilot caught her hand, gripped it, and smiled.

Her face softened as she tugged the appendage gently from his and backed away. “Okay okay, no more sappy shit. I’ve got a mother to please,” she smirked and dragged the bottle of brandy from her jacket pocket before she turned to move through the CIC. “Sorry class, I didn’t bring enough for us all,” she called to the crewmen milling about the consoles. “EDI, can you have the rest of the boxes brought to my quarters?”

“Certainly, Commander.”

“HEY.... wait! Give me back my hat, devil woman!” Joker’s voice rang out past the galaxy map. The crews’ eyes turned towards the elevator doors that were just shutting on the wide, wicked grin of their Captain.

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

A shower, a nap, a read over of some dossiers, an email from Anderson, a

talk with Zaeed and Mordin, and even an extended shore leave on Omega - brought up nothing more on Archangel. The Commander slouched against a dirty wall in a nondescript back alley on the station. Shepard transferred credits to the Batarian in front of her and ran a frustrated hand through her hair as she spoke.

“He went after Garm a few nights ago, the leader of the Blood Pack around here. Doesn’t sound like Archangel walked away unharmed. My bets are that the krogan is still kicking though, he’s a tough son-of-a-bitch,” the informant uttered in a gravelly tone.

Shepard inclined her head in thanks and waved the batarian off. So Archangel could be wounded, dead, or dying. The trail of bodies had otherwise gone stale for Miranda and Jacob too. She lit up her Omni tool to scroll through the dossiers again and hit her com.

“EDI, it’s a long shot, but have we gathered enough info for you to generate any ideas?”

“Negative Commander, information is inconclusive.”

“Lawson? Did your convo with Tim do us any favors?”

“Negative as well, Commander,” came Lawson's accented voice. “He said he had agents out for further clues but nothing else. I will assume this means our vigilante is good at his job if he were easy to find he wouldn’t be worth our time.”

Shepard hummed in agreement, then sighed. Luckily, she wasn’t holding anything she could throw at that moment. “This is fuckered. That was the last source. I need to go to Anderson and figure out where I stand with the Alliance and the Council. If they will back me again, it’ll be valuable resources we need.” She squinted at one dossier in particular, “Plus, we’ve got a date with a Krogan and a criminal.” She turned and strode out onto the crowded street to make her way to the Normandy.

“Joker, all hands on deck?”

“Yes Commander, all crew are checked in from shore leave.”

“Fine, I’ll rendezvous in...” She glanced at her tool again, “15 minutes. Set course for the Citadel, we leave in 20.”

“Roger that Shep, see you soon.”

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

The Commander jogged across the Presidium. It always struck her as oddly… plastic. Like a Fisher-Price toy set up here, with all the best looking examples of each space faring species parading around in their nicest clothing. At least on Earth, it was easy to tell how much dirty money funded the trendiest communities. Up here the Asari were much better at hiding things like that. It made her skin crawl, honestly. She made a turn and strode quickly through the Human Embassy. Lots of Elcore hanging around, must have been something going on today.

Luckily Anderson was still the Human Councilor after her nomination. Thank God. She half expected that slimeball Udina would have somehow managed to get the role, especially since so much of her hard work before her death had been undone. She could see his name plate all the way down the hall. The sight buoyed her, she sprinted the 300 feet down the corridor, taking in stride every look thrown her way as she did. His door cycled open as she approached. Security biometrics of some kind?

“Anderson!” She called. 

The man spun towards her, shock written into the fine lines of his face. “My God, it really is you.” He murmured.

Shepard marched up to her mentor. “In flesh newly derived from a terrorist organization no less.”

He stuck a hand on her shoulder, gingerly at first, perhaps deciding if she was real or not? A smile spread across the deep tones of his face. “I’m so glad to see you Shepard.” He grabbed her paldron tightly.

He’d aged in the last two years. There was much more gray along the sides of his face than she remembered. A knot of guilt twisted inside her belly. “ How have the last few years treated you?”

He sighed and moved to the balcony on one side of his office, his elbows propped on the banister. “There have been some rough spots. I never expected to be serving on the Council in my twilight years. It’s about the equivalent of beating my head against a wall most of the time.” The man dragged a hand through his cropped hair.

Together they leaned over the railing, watching the foot traffic across one of the bridges below them.

Anderson’s gaze fell on her profile. “You’ve heard what happened after…” He obviously couldn’t bring himself to say, ‘after you kicked the bucket’.

“Yeah, I’ve heard. A bit from Joker and Chakwas, with Aria filling in the holes.” Shepard turned and leaned a hip against the rail, folding her arms.

“Aria? From Omega?” His brow furrowed.

“The one and only.”

“Well, not the way I would have preferred you to find out but I’m glad to hear that's where Karin and Jeff disappeared to. I heard he just up and quit, but considering what the Alliance put him through… I wasn’t surprised. Karin put in a notice for official leave though, and that piqued my interest, but I never dreamed you’d be the cause. Good for them, they are doing what they believe in.” His lip corner pulled up, but the smile never made it to his eyes.

“To hell with all this political bullshit then, come with me Anderson.”

“Heh. You’re the one who put me here Shepard. And as much as I don’t like it you were right, I do think it was better to not have a lifelong politician in the role. But knowing the truth about Sovereign… it’s nightmare stuff. I get it. I can’t blame anyone for not wanting to believe it, but I know how important it is, so I keep trying. Fight the good fight, right? I’m too old to go traipsing across the galaxy anyway. The front line is yours, Shepard. Even if it’s with Cerberus.” He fixed her with that stare again.

“Don’t think I don’t know. But, they brought me here, they gave me a ship and a gun, and they are funding me to do something about the missing colonists. That’s good enough for me at this point. The Alliance and the Council may have written off the Reapers but they can’t write off our colonists. Someone needs to do something.” She frowned. “Did they not even look at Sovereign's corpse? One look at that thing should have told them everything they needed to know about the Reapers.”

“You saw how it was. There wasn’t much to look at, pieces rained all over the station. It was chaos, who knows how many of each species combed the wards for their dead. We secured as much of it as we could, but between the Keepers and a whole lot of… unauthorized salvage, we couldn’t account for even half of that thing. That’s another reason the Council won’t acknowledge what Sovereign was.”

“Yeah and the other reason was what, because no one but my crew spoke with the VI on Ilos?” She grumbled darkly.

His brows furrowed and dropped. “You know once anyone else got there that VI’s power reserves had run out.”

“Yeah this is all really convenient isn’t it.”

“Look, you are preaching to the choir here Shepard. I’m on your side. There’s barely a day that goes by that I don’t mention it to the Councilors.”

“I get it. Cerberus thinks that the Reapers are behind the colonist abductions though. If I find any proof at all I’ll be sending it along. I’m going to have the best suit cameras money can buy this time.”

Anderson’s mouth snapped shut and a muscle in his jaw tightened. Oh, they might know something about the colonists after all. Hm. “How’s Alenko doing?”

If it was possible, the muscle in the Admiral’s jaw tightened further. Interesting. “He’s doing fine.”

What was that little tiny bit of info? “He still with the Alliance?”

The older man spun his face away from her. “Yes of course. He bleeds blue after all.”

She nodded. “And what are they doing about these abductions? Anything?”

He locked his hands behind his back. “I’m not at liberty to say at the moment.”

Oh, bingo. They were up to something alright, something that had to do with her by that ‘not at liberty’.

The door behind them cycled open audibly behind them, causing them both to turn towards it. The scumbag himself slinked through.

“Anderson, we need to talk ab -” He gasped loudly as soon as he laid eyes on her. “Shepard!”

She smirked. “Oh look, it’s the top contender for people I never wanted to see again.”

He glowered at her. “Believe me, the feeling is mutual. My God, your return is a bureaucratic _nightmare_ for us!”

Anderson stepped between them. “I invited her here to speak with the Council, did you need something ambassador?”

Udina balked. “You, _what?!_ Councilor, do the words political shitstorm mean nothing to you?!”

Shepard stepped into the ambassador’s space. “I had to come all the way back from the fucking dead to do something for the Humans who need us, while you useless politicians bicker! You should care more about your people Udina!” She stabbed a finger into his chest.

The man was ballsy at least, he straightened and pushed right back into her space. “All you soldiers think alike, charging head first into problems instead of thinking about long term consequences!”

“Udina!” Anderson snapped. “I’m making the decisions around here. Your job is to clean up the mess I leave behind. Understand?”

The smaller man turned his sour look to the Admiral. “Of course, _Councilor_. Given the size of this one I guess I’d better go and get started. I’ll be in my office.” He spun with one last sneer aimed at her before leaving.

“Council meeting huh? I get to break Sparatus over my knee personally?” She rubbed her hands together.

Anderson smiled. “Sadly no, I think Valern is here on the station since the Matriarchs run most things for the Salaraians, but Sparatus and Tevos are on their homeworlds. You’ll have to settle for a video call.” He motioned towards the back wall where there was a row of holo decks.

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

Shepard stared into the cup of chamomile tea she had brewed. Desperation. That’s what tea is. Watered down plant juice that people pretend can make anything better - can’t sleep? Tea! Sprained ankle? Tea! Heart murmur? TEA. At 0300 hours feeling sorry for herself in the mess hall in her pajamas is childish at over 30, right? _Wait. Am I even over thirty? Do two years on the bench still count as aging? Let’s just say no._ Nightmares that dragged her awake, gasping for breath, were commonplace now. Sometimes, she was watching Saren blow his brains out... sometimes she was back in space listening to her seals leak. Lately, a new favorite was the two overlapping - she was blowing _her_ brains out to keep from suffocating over a planet of blue and red fire while Sovereign's metallic voice echoes around her. ‘Before us, you are nothing. Your extinction is inevitable. We are the end of everything.’

She sighed and dropped her head into the crook of her arm. What she wouldn’t give to talk to Garrus right now. He was there, he spoke with it. Or Tali... or Kaiden... or Liara. They’d get it. She wondered if they had nightmares too. Well, they might have - years ago. They had years to process the battle of the Citadel, and to process her death. God, had there been a funeral? Of course there was. She made a note to go look it up on the extranet someday when she felt she could mentally handle it. 

Sparatus’s visage making air quotes kept spinning round and round in her thoughts. Stupid Turians didn’t even have enough fingers for air quotes. He just did it to piss her off from the safety of his holo call. ‘Ah yes Reapers,’ he’d spouted. ‘ The immortal race of sentient starships allegedly waiting in dark space. He clicked his tongue. ‘We have dismissed that claim.’ Shepard’s fist tightened around the mug. Fucking bastard. What she wouldn’t give to wring that neck of his.

She stood, abandoning her tea, and strode to the elevator. She took it down to the CIC and padded quietly on bare feet past the lab - she could hear Mordin moving inside. Down the hall in the cockpit... yeah, he was there. She could see his arms hanging over the sides of his chair. 

“Joker?” she called out softly. She saw his arms yank back in behind the chair back and he sucked in a loud breath. “Ahh, sorry, didn’t mean to scare you.”

He turned to her. “No no, it’s okay, I didn’t hear you. I wasn’t sleeping on the job or anything though, so no worries,” he spoke with a sleepy croak. The pilot had dark eye circles that rivaled hers. He took stock of her disheveled appearance in a tank top and shorts. He waved her up to his chair at her silent hesitation at the edge of the little room.

“Do you normally sleep up here Joker? You aren't even on duty yet.”

“Not normally, no. This is where I sleep when Hadley’s snoring is out of control,” he yawned.

“What’s our ETA to Korlus?”

He turned to squint at the console. “Six hours Commander.” She nodded.

“What did Anderson and the Council have to say to their recently undead Specter? I would have loved to have seen their shocked faces,” his lips turned up at the corners.

Shepard snorted, “They weren’t shocked at all. They knew I was alive and well. The only shocked person was the C-Sec agent who recognized me when the scanners told him I was KIA, and a few people I walked by. Someone’s told them, and Anderson was shifty. I mean, I am being backed by Cerberus so I expected the cold shoulder, but not to that extent. Even the Council was more forthcoming.” She paused. “I had to play kiss ass but, at least I’m a Specter again.”

Joker scratched at his beard. “At least something good came of this trip. I hate dealing with the Citadel’s control tower crew. Oh, and we got a thief too I guess. Not that I fully understand how that’s helpful.”

The Commander nodded. “I get it. But she’s already proven she’s a tech beast. It’ll be nice to have one aboard.”

The pilot shook his head. “Man, Anderson stonewalling you is weird. He treated you like his own kid, you should have seen him after…” he trailed off, leaving the ‘after your death’ unsaid. “Anyway I look at it, that's fishy.”

“Tell me about it, and he wouldn’t give me any info on Kaiden at all,” she leaned against the Copilot’s seat.

“So we are playing who's the rat then,” Joker sighed and leaned back with his hands threaded behind his head.

“Either the Salarians are even faster than I thought, or it was Tim himself.”

Joker’s face scrunched. “Tim?”

She let out a breath. “Oh, that’s my new nickname for ‘The Illusive Man’. God, what a stupid name.”

“And if it was him?”

“Nothing changes. I’m already prepared for betrayal,” Shepard muttered. They were both silent for a beat.

The pilot looked at her. “Christ Commander, you really look like shit, you know?” 

She rolled her eyes and turned away. “I’ll sleep when I’m dead. Again.”

“You should say something to Chakwas about it,” he gazed at her pointedly.

“EDI, wipe all recordings in the cockpit for the next 30 minutes,” she barked.

“Done, Commander,” the AI’s smooth voice answered. 

The suspicious look the flight lieutenant gave her was great, she’d be remembering that face for a while. “I’ve got a favor to ask. As a friend, not as your Captain.” 

His eyes were still narrowed, but he nodded once.

“So, I’m here out of desperation. Can I have some of your time, willfully given with no witty comments or using it against me later? In fact, it’d be best if we never thought of it again after this,” she looked anywhere but at him.

“Spit it out Commander, geeze,” he spoke.

“It’s easier if I just show you,” the soldier closed her eyes and was motionless, steeling herself before she climbed up the armrest of his chair and sat, letting it hold her weight. She rested her legs into his lap and bent over to rest her head on his shoulder. Her arms curled into both of their chests. “Thank you for being here, Jeff,” she murmured softly.

The moment she’d moved, he had thrown both arms to his sides to avoid touching her. He held them there awkwardly for a minute before resting one hand on her back and one hand on her leg, fingers curled under her knee. “I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else,” he answered back just as quietly.

After a while, he whispered. “I’m so sorry, Shepard,” into her hair. Not surprising, the guilt he felt was so massive it hung in the air between them during every interaction. She could sense it, see it in his face. God, for two years he’d felt like this. 

“I’ve never for a second blamed you, Jeff,” she said into his neck.

They sat there in silence, staring out at the stars.

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

Jacob stared hard with a hand on his chin. “Come on Commander, you’ve got an L5 implant, going harder should come easier to you than me. I’m only an L3 here.”

“Says the person who has been a training biotic since he was a kid,” Shepard sighed and dragged a towel over her face to mop the sweat.

“You’ve made improvements, the biofeedback therapy _is_ working. All of us went through this. You can move this,” he laid the smooth metal orb back down on the ground and took a few steps back.

She scratched at an electrode and stuck a hand out towards the ball again. Minutes passed, a sheen worked back up on her face and arms. The training instrument remained where it sat, quiet. The Cerberus operative kept his eyes on his omni tool readings, looking for any blip or sign from her monitoring equipment. Past the 10 minute mark, still no movement and Shepard’s visage grew ever darker. The hair from her ponytail was sticking to the back of her neck and shoulders...a frustrated scream tore from her throat. Shepard’s fist glowed blue as she ripped the offending elastic from her head and launched it across the shuttle bay. Her hair fell around her in a tangle as nails tore one cathode off a sports bra clad chest in anger. She immediately regretted the move - she hissed in pain and her fingers came up to cover the angry skin left behind.

Jacob ran a hand over his face a few times. “You are aware biofeedback only works when you are calm - you can’t tap into the control it takes to master your nervous system with that much anger.”

“Yeah? I’d like to see you get brought back from the dead by a terrorist group to save an ungrateful galaxy from a threat they don’t believe in, be expected to master a skill you never had in a few months time, all with no sleep, and NOT be angry about it all. Christ, I can’t even DIE in peace. This is fucking ridiculous,” Shepard muttered darkly.

“You’re still not sleeping, Commander?” He looked alarmed.

“That’s what you took outta all that?” She shook her head and laughed bitterly.

The operative exhaled. “Well, you won’t want to hear this now, but you did it.”

She looked at him skeptically.

“The hair tie,” he motioned towards where it had flown. “Did you pay attention to how that felt?”

The soldier flipped her locks out of her face. “Not really, other than mad.”

“Well, maybe I’m wrong, maybe anger is the answer for you. Lets try it again,” he jogged off to find the hair band.

Shepard gazed fondly over at the weight bench in the corner gym. “Can’t we just go back to working out?” she called after him. He gave her _The Look_ over the shuttle before he disappeared.

“EDI, how’s that mining coming?”

It was Miranda’s haughty voice that answered instead. “Ignore that request EDI, the Commander is just using you as a distraction when she should be training. It’s going as well as it was 10 minutes ago when you last asked,” the comm turned off abruptly.

It was mutiny, dammit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shep and Joker's relationship has always been one of my favorites.


	3. Chapter 3

Shepard had anticipated speaking with a 1,000-year-old survivor of the Krogan Rebellions - and a geneticist? That would have been something even if he didn't have info on the Collectors. His dossier had been the most promising, in her opinion. That’s why the ensuing shit show that was Korlus was so depressing. They’d dropped into a war zone, where the Blue Sun’s leader, Jedore, was screaming over the complex’s speakers. Zaeed’s subsequent complaining about the screaming, was nearly as bad as Jedore was herself. And worst of all she wasn’t able to get to Okeer in time before Jedore fucking gassed him. At this point the Commander wondered if she wouldn’t be just as excited to kill the Blue Suns founder Vido, as Zaeed would be - considering the amount of times the gang that had been in her way recently.

All of that bullshit and what did she have to show for it? More bruising and a tank baby. Well, she found out that Kasumi was helpful at flushing enemies from cover. That was something, at least. She stepped forward and placed a hand on the cool surface of the glass. Inside the artificial uterus was a massive adolescent krogan - Okeer’s purported perfect soldier. Shepard didn’t remember having ever seen a Krogan without his crest grown in yet, but she suspected they weren’t usually this muscular or tall at this age. He was orange with cerulean eyes, his scales were in pristine order. That was jarring - she also couldn’t remember seeing any Krogan without scars or missing fingers.

“EDI, can you tell if he is aware? Can he see or hear in there?”

“Unlikely. Current neural patterns indicate minimal cognition. Barring ship-wide power loss, the nutrients would sustain him for over a year.”

“Shepard, you really are fucking daft if you are thinking of opening that - a nut job of a krogan messing around with its head? It’s just a killing machine.” Zaeed spoke from behind her.

“I have to agree, Shep, even the AI wants you to keep him in there, telling you how long it can live without being prompted.” said Kasumi.

“Your concerns are noted. My XO has already given me an earful. You can both return to your quarters, mission debrief will be at 0900 hours tomorrow,” the Commander stated curtly.

She saw the two squad mates give each other looks before turning to leave. The old mercenary paused in the doorway.

The N7 sighed. “I’m not in the mood for lip Massani.

“I’m just down this hall you know, if you need me,” he looked at the tank one last time before letting the door close behind him.

_Was that worry? For me? Was that a bit cute?_ She shook her head. “EDI, how fast can you vent this room?”

“In 27.6 seconds Commander.”

See? No big deal. She danced on the balls of her feet for a second, armor clanking.

“Okay, on my command only. Wait, we don’t even have any clothing that will fit him, do we?” Shepard spoke.

“Operative Lawson secured a shipment of basic Turian, Krogan, and Salarian supplies along with dextro rations at the Citadel in anticipation of acquiring the candidates from the dossiers.”

“Then we just need to get him some armor. Stand by for venting EDI, I’m going to open the tank.”

“Cerberus protocol is very clear regarding untested alien technology.”

“Yeah? Well Shepard protocol is if it’s a killing machine then it’s gonna be MY killing machine,” She moved forward to study the holo grid on the front glass of the container.

“Very well Commander, the controls are online. The decision, and consequences are yours,” the display flashed and turned green as the AI responded.

It took a few seconds to find the drain and release commands with omni-tool translation but within minutes there was a loud crash as the Krogan hit the ground, unceremoniously dumped by the retracting glass. He tried to suck in but gurgled and retched fluid from his lungs, pupils constricted. Once he was capable of taking great heaving breaths he looked around, caught sight of her feet, drug his gaze up to her’s - his lips pulled into a snarl.

Uh oh.

Nearly as fast as she blinked, he smashed her into the wall and had her in the air, a massive forearm pressing into her throat. She was off the ground, and his large face was an inch from her own.

“Human, female. Before you die, I need a name.” Wow, Okeer had taught him galactic common?

“Commander Shepard of the SSV Normandy,” she struggled out.

“Not yours, mine.” He blinked a large cerulean eye and glanced around the cargo room. “I know things… I’ve had training. But Okeer’s words are hollow,” he paused. “Warlord, legacy, grunt. Grunt was among the last... it’ll do. I am Grunt,” the great orange alien turned his head and regarded her carefully, eyes searching her face. “If you are worthy of your title, you could destroy me. Prove it,” his arm sunk deeper into her neck.

Shepard dug the muzzle of the carnifex she’d barely managed to pull out into the soft flesh of his armpit - right where a redundant heart lie. He glanced down and a wicked grin stole over him.

“You breathe now thanks to my will. I could end you. But I want to use you to fight. You deserve better, you were bred for better than a tank or a lab.”

“Human problems mean nothing to me.”

“Human problems are nothing compared to mine. My enemies topple worlds, destroy galaxies - and they won’t stop until they commit genocide of every single sentient being in ours.”

His arm relaxed, and she dropped incrementally. 

“That is acceptable… without a will of my own, any fight is as good as the next. If your enemies are as strong as you say, I will fight for you,” he let her down and stepped back. 

Grunt motioned towards her weapon. “Smart, Shepard. Extend one hand and arm the other,” he snorted. “When I find a clan and a purpose that is my own, I will be happy to pit them against you.” He turned and walked a few steps to the tank.

She caught sight of his stubby little tail as he moved and had to push the thought of, ‘how hard would he hit me if I grabbed it?’ way down and hide her grin. “Sounds like a date. Now I’m going to go find you some clothes and food. Stay here, I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

Shepard eyed the two men flanking her as she walked down the gangway towards the prison. This would be Grunt’s first foray. Well, buying a prisoner should be simple but he did what she’d brought him for - look impressively intimidating in armor she’d purchased on Illium along the way. He looked green in untouched gear with a pristine shotgun, but she and Zaeed were scarred up enough to keep things civil. Hopefully. 

A group of guards stood in a compact room before the station. “Welcome to Purgatory, Commander. Your package is being prepped, you’ll be able to claim it shortly. As this is a high security vessel you are required to relinquish all weapons before moving further,” spoke a helmeted Turian. Oh look, more Blue Suns. Everyone here was in Blue Suns Armor. 

The N7 pulled her pistol and had it up to the merc’s head before the rest pulled their assault rifles on her. “I’ll relinquish one bullet. Where would you like it?”

A grayish brown plated Turian with no colony markings approached. “Everybody stand down,” the guards obeyed. “Commander, I am Warden Kuril, and this is my ship. Your weapons will be returned to you. I'm sure you realize this is just standard operating procedure.”

The cocking of her gun was her only answer. They had a stare down while the Warden tried to decide how serious she was. If Garrus had been here he would have had some mumblings about bare faces… she shook the thought from her head.

“Let them proceed. Our facility is more than secure enough to handle three armed guests. We are bringing Jack out of cryo. As soon as the funds clear, you can be on your way. If you’ll follow me to out-processing, Commander.” 

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

“Relinquish your weapons they said… give them back at the end they said,” Shepard plugged a merc coming up behind Grunt and took another shield hit from the sniper asshole up on the catwalk. She bent into cover to let it recharge. “You know, Zaeed, your Blue Suns brainchild here is starting to piss me off.”

“OH, and your child is doing so good eh?” he pointed towards Grunt who was in the middle of charging a full group of soldiers with no shield up at all.

“Hey at least mine isn’t trying to kill us.” she grumbled.

“I’m not so sure about that,” as he ran by her and pointed at his neck.

She sighed. How the merc had even noticed the bruise Grunt left on her was beyond her. She’d had her helmet off for about a tenth of a second in his presence. She launched herself over a crate, burying her omni-blade in the chest of an unsuspecting soldier. 

Kuril had brought them to “out-processing” - a real fancy word for double-cross - since it was just the inside of a cell. The delusions of grandeur the Warden was suffering under were intense. She’d taken on a Reaper and lived. That he thought he and his prison full of Blue Suns could capture her was laughable at best - insulting at worst. And Shepard was feeling insulted. Curious though, who would pay that kind of money for her? Hopefully not the Alliance. 

The Warden had stated earlier that Jack was dangerous, violent, and very powerful. He wasn’t wrong, she was a tattooed human female, surprisingly, and it had so far been a sound plan to let her loose. Shepard and her team were just following the biotic’s trail of destruction through the blaring alarms of the station. She made a mental note to not give Jacob so much shit during their next training session. If she was even a fraction as destructive as Jack it’d be worth it.

The Commander hummed in annoyance as she blasted two more soldiers off of her Krogan, then stopped to convey the benefits of the personal shield capacitor.

“Shepard, you’d better come see this,” Zaeed rumbled over the com from where he had scouted around the corner into the next room. She moved up beside him, crouched behind some crates. “Looks like the idiot is hiding under a shield powered by three generators.”

“Yeah with a fair regiment in here with him. Wait, he’s wearing tech armor too. The absolute quad on this idiot! These damn Turians all think they are something after going through the Hierarchy military, and I’ve seen exactly one live up to his own hot shit delusions,” she spoke.

“Heh, hope I meet him,” Grunt said with glee.

“Me too. All right, you two go right - take care of all those mercs and that generator. I’ll go left, get these two generators and we will meet up the middle.” The three nodded at each other and moved.

The minutes dragged on as they plowed through the room. Kuril was up on a dais focused on her, taking sniper shots at her shields as she danced through cover, leaving bodies in her wake.

“Our generator is down, Shep,” Zaeed called out.

Perfect, she only had one left. The N7 leapt over crates to surprise two remaining soldiers. She dispatched them and unloaded her shotgun into the power conduit in front of her. Kuril’s shield fizzled away. Her smile was wicked. She reached out to see if she could pull him from his cover, focusing her gleeful retribution down into her core. Her biotics roiled around her form, but the Turian was still tucked up on the platform, unmoving. Her frustration peaked - a cry ripped from her throat and she moved - far faster than ever before. In an azure streak the Commander was on him, their impact was nothing but bright light and the armored Warden flew into the wall behind him with a sickening metallic sound. He left a small crater in the metal and his tech armor winked out. Shepard hauled him up by his collar and held him an inch from her face. The blow had dazed him, eyes unfocused.

“You could have had your money and lived, Kuril, could have kept your honor. Pay attention - this is what happens to anyone who fucks with me,” she shook him once to wake him before bringing her omni-blade through his throat. The station's security alarms were still blaring even as the Warden lay at her feet. Grunt came trotting up with Zaeed behind him.

“We’re done here, let's catch up to our new biotic friend,” Shepard stood up, spattered with a bit of cobalt blood.

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

They found the tattooed woman standing in the gangway to the Normandy. She paced furiously, stepping over a few dead Blue Suns in the hall. Shepard had her two teammates hang back as she approached the biotic. Jack’s attention was planted on the ship outside the bay window. She didn’t seem to notice a merc coming down the hall toward them, or Shepard for that matter. As the merc came closer, the Commander’s nerves had him within the sights of her pistol before the other woman reacted, and she downed him with two shots to the head. Jack put up two glowing fists, saw the dead soldier, and spun to face the Normandy team. Shepard quickly put her carnifax away and held up a placating hand.

“What the hell do you want?!” Jack fumed.

“I’m Commander Shepard, I came to rescue you.”

“You must think I’m stupid, I’m not going anywhere with you Cerberus,” the biotic’s power spun around her form.

“I just saved your ass and I’m asking you to come with me. I’ve got the only ride off this shit hole station anyway, so think about your options.”

“You want me to come with you? Make it worth my while,” Jack turned and regarded the ship. “I bet you’ve got access to Cerberus databases on there. I want to see what they’ve got on me, get me into their information.”

That was an easy decision. “Done. I’ll give you full access.”

“Then what are we standing around for?” With no ceremony, Jack headed up the ramp.

Shepard turned to Zaeed, “You know if she doesn’t tear up my ship I might like her.”

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

“Welcome to the Normandy Jack, I’m Miranda, Shepard’s second in command. On this ship we follow orders,” the operative began.

“Tell the Cerberus cheerleader to back off Shepard. I’m here for our deal.” Jack interrupted.

She could already feel the fight brewing in the communications room, and the two women had only known each other for seconds. The Commander briefly made eye contact with Jacob standing behind them. “Miranda, relax. Jack, you can set up shop wherever you want, Jacob will show you the ship. I’m giving her access to Cerberus files as her condition for joining so get her set up with codes and a data pad,” she turned to aim the last part towards her XO.

“Commander you can’t,” Miranda protested.

“I can and I will. Tim wanted me to recruit her. I'm sure he figured what that would entail. I don’t care about Cerberus’s precious secrets, I care about the Collectors. Make it happen,” Shepard waved her out. Miranda expertly hid her disdain except for the tightness of her lip corner, but left.

As soon as the door closed behind her Shepard turned to Jack. “So what did they do to you?”

The tattooed woman chuckled bitterly. “Your employers are into some sick shit, kidnapping and torturing young girls for years gets them off. They raised me in a research facility. But I escaped, and they’ve been chasing me ever since. Fucking unbelievable they’d send someone to ask me for my help - but with those files I’ll be making sure every last bastard that touched me is buried 6 feet under or hurtling through space.”

“I’m not surprised. I’ve destroyed their experiments and facilities more times than I’d have liked. I’m no friend of Cerberus, but I will use them to fund this fight against the Collectors,” Shepard answered.

Jack crossed her arms. “Collectors? I thought they were a myth?”

“I wish. They are the ones responsible for entire human colonies going missing. We are gonna figure out why, and stop them,” Shepard folded her arms. 

“Well, I’ll kill whatever you want me to once I’ve got that data. Don’t keep me waiting, Commander,” the biotic turned to walk out with Jacob trailing after her.

Shepard came out of the com room, debated for a moment, then turned to go check in on Mordin. The door to the lab retracted to reveal no Salarian scientist at his usual station... she blinked. Huh. She poked her head in the door and to the left he was silently hovering over a plexiglass case.

“How are you doing Mordin?” she moved over to glimpse what he was so intent on. There was a large bug inside the case bouncing around the interior, trying very hard to get at the Salarian’s hand that rested on the surface. 

He turned to her. “Research progressing nicely. This is subject 001, calling it “seeker drone”, one of a swarm set loose on Ferris Fields. Cerberus has provided samples. Drone is capable of putting organic matter into stasis. Fascinating. Explains no signs of struggle with missing colonists,” one long finger tapped on the glass - it stirred the bug into revealing a long stinger and renewed its efforts to get to the scientist in a humming, bouncing, frenzy.

“Stasis... how is that possible?” she asked.

“Looks organic, but mostly technological. Perhaps species that has been repurposed by technology...still uncertain how it produces stasis like effect, so still uncertain on countermeasure. More study needed,” he blinked enormous obsidian eyes at her with a lopsided grin.

She couldn’t help but quirk a smile back. He was truly in his element. “Well, keep cracking at it Mordin. I’m sure you can figure it out. Will more samples speed you up?”

“Of course! More, always better. But this will do for now. Already have beginning of a theory,” he motioned to many beakers and burners on the tabletop, titrating something into a viscous liquid. It was amazing how Salarian the equipment in the lab was slowly turning, and how similar their implements were to Human ones. Shepard clapped him on the shoulder.

“Great, send me a requisition form if you need anything else. And take a break now and then, okay? I heard you awake in here at 0300 the other day.”

He looked aghast. “No time! Counter measures against Collectors necessary. Salarians only require an hour of sleep anyway. Now, must get back to experiment,” he walked around to fiddle with some knobs on the apparatus on the table.

Obviously dismissed, Shepard strode out the other door into the CIC. 

“Commander, you have new messages at your private terminal,” Kelly Chambers announced as they made eye contact. The pep this woman had was second to none.

“Thanks Yeoman, at ease,”she spoke and moved to her terminal. Sure enough there were two good ones amongst the spam, one full of new dossiers from Tim and one from Aria T’Loak. Oh, boy. She took a minute to scan through the dossiers. One Justicar - what was that? And one assassin. Do-able, at least she knew what an assassin was. The Commander flicked the two messages to her datapad and moved to the elevator while continuing to read. The Asari’s message was short and sweet.

_Shepard,_

_The gangs are banding together to move on your boy. Best get here quick if you’d like a live body to fill your needs. Don’t say I never did anything for you._

Well, shit.

She pulled his dossier back up as she passed through the mess towards the port observation deck. _Hmm. Sharp Shooting do-gooder. Well, with the addition of Grunt and Jack, another sharpshooter would fill an invaluable hole. Worth the rescue._

“Joker, what would our ETA to Omega be from here?” she hit her com as the door hissed open to reveal Kasumi reading a book on the couch.

“About 42 hours, Commander,” he answered.

“Set a course and pray, will ya Joker?” 

“Sure Commander? What’s going on?”

“We’ve got a Turian to rescue and if he is still alive in 42 hours, he’ll be a worthy addition to the team. See if you can’t shave it down.”

“Roger that, Commander.”

The thief was blinking at Shepard from under her hood. “What’s up, Shep? Something I can help with?”

“Yeah, you ever hear of an assassin named Thane Krios in your line of work?” she asked from where she was leaning in the open doorway.

Kasumi looked thoughtful for a second. “I don’t think so.”

“Great, that means he is good at his job. Be prepared for a stop at Illium. I’m sure I’ll need your expertise to find this guy,” the N7 waved the datapad for effect.

“Well, if he does as many sit-ups as Jacob I’m your girl for sure,” her eyes twinkled from under her headgear.

“Kasumi, what have I said about spying on Jacob while he works out?” 

“How dare I not invite you?”

“Exactly.”

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

Twenty four hours out from Omega found Shepard and Jacob doing burpees in the cargo bay while Zaeed and Grunt went over some teamwork drills in a makeshift crate obstacle course on the other side. She could hear the two men yelling at each other, which meant it was going well. She snorted to herself. 

“Come on Commander, you are slowing down, you’ve got more than that,” Jacob implored.

She shot him a look that told him exactly how she’d like to harm him. She didn’t have more to give, as wasted to nothing as she was. A few seconds later and her right knee gave out on the squat up and dropped her straight on her face. She let out a clipped wail of frustration before turning around to lie on her back, chest heaving, sweat dripping. The Cerberus operative’s face came into her line of sight as he bent over to make eye contact.

“Do you... have any idea... how hard... I’m trying... to not... punch you in the face,” she gasped out between breaths.

“Well, we could move to sparring,” he was out of breath and glistening too.

“No way, go get Zaeed - we’ve got at least a little sexual tension between us,” she continued laying on the mat, black sports bra and leggings with her ponytail splayed around her. 

“I didn’t realize sexual tension was a requirement for sparring,” he rested his palms on his knees.

“It’s not, but it sure makes it more fun.” 

“I’m not doing anything with you until you get your muscles back Shepard. I only have a thing for women who can kill me,” Zaeed yelled out with a laugh.

“Stop eavesdropping and get back to teaching our baby Krogan, old man!” she shouted back.

“I am no baby! I could kill you both!” Grunt roared.

“Yeah, yeah. You both need to put your money where your mouths are. Buncha blowhards. I wouldn’t even need to break a sweat to teach you what an N7 can do!” she sat up on her elbows, but the crates hid her two teammates from view. Jacob was shaking his head.

“Oh? Wanna go Shepard? I could be convinced to make an exception and kick your lovely ass all over this bay,” the merc’s graying head poked up over the obstacle course. Grunt’s guffaw echoed.

She gave him a not very prim middle finger. “I can take you any day, anyway, Massani!”

Jacob signaled a time out with his hands. “No, we’ve gotta get a move on to biotics Commander.”

“Wow, are you a killjoy,” she sighed. He shot a face back at her. “Fine, okay. Gimme one second though,” Shepard stood and stretched before grabbing two hydropods from her pile of gear and jogging off towards the elevator. She sucked on one as the doors closed on Jacob’s protesting. Well, it wasn’t her first time to escape from his spartan workouts. She stepped out one floor up and saw him through the observation windows above the bay. He tilted his head up at her and tapped on his wrist. She held up one finger and headed over to engineering and down the steps into Jack’s new hideout.

Jack was reclined on her cot, scrolling through a datapad. There were several more splayed about her. The two women made eye contact as the Commander came down the stairs, but the biotic flitted her eyes back to the pad. “What do you want Shepard?”

“Have you found what you are looking for yet?” she motioned to the pile of hardware and leaned against a desk to finish her last pod.

“Oh yeah, I’ve found all kinds of dirty little Cerberus secrets. Times, dates, names. Enough information to exact revenge for myself,” Jack eyed her and leaned forward with her hands dangling between her knees. “I’ll say it again, what do you want Shepard.” 

“Your help,” she turned and stuck her fingers in her hair to reveal the amp installed behind her right ear. “This is new to me, a lovely upgrade from our dear Cerberus. I’m sure you empathize. But I wanna learn how to control it and Jacob is a shitty teacher.”

The biotic stood and squinted at the implant. “Hell, they've got you an L5, and here I am just finding out they exist!

"And if you can help me figure this shit out, I'll have you in one by the time we get to Illium," 

Jack gave her an incredulous stare. "You realize they taught me through torture and starvation...right?"

"I'm a fast learner. Since you know exactly how NOT to teach, you'll be a natural,” she paused. “I am interested to see your level of destruction with an L5."

"Well shit Shepard, let's get you casting singularities!" She bodily dragged the Commander back down to the cargo bay.

Jack turned out to be a great teacher. She immediately got rid of the stupid metal ball and between that and her “tough love” approach of kicking Shepard’s ass up and down the bay - the biotic had her at least somewhat able to charge at will towards a target like she had at Kuril. It was sloppy sometimes, but the Commander had finally sent the punching bag off its hook and into the wall with her impact.

“Holy hell you might be getting it Shepard,” Jack clapped slowly. “Now we should try a moving target. Hey, Krogan, you’re okay with being thrown around, right?” She pointed to where he and Zaeed were standing, watching their training session.

Grunt nodded and walked over to where Shepard was laying and offered a hand. He pulled her up easily while Jack rearranged some cargo with her powers.

“Just go behind those crates and move from cover to cover. We’ll see if she can get you. Ready Shep?”

“As I’ll ever be.”

She misfired a few times and slammed into the crates spectacularly. A nasty cut opened on her shin after one run in. Jacob held out a pack of medi gel. She took it and broke it open on the injury, using the edge of the package to smear it over.

“Just pretend he’s Kuril or some shit. Nail his ass,” Jack's voice reverbed through the bay.

That was easy enough with Grunt’s taunting at her misses. Shepard caught him the fifth time though. The two collided hard, and it was all she could do to cushion her side of the blow - the Krogan sailed backwards and landed in a heap. It didn't last long - he was up and charging back at her gleefully. He approached with speed, and when he was close she braced her hands on his lowered head and vaulted over him easily. It took him a second to register what happened - his mouth was agape as he turned to stare at her. Zaeed and Jack were doubled over with laughter.

“Don’t worry Grunt, I’ll teach you all my tricks. Most Humans won’t jump over you though,” she reached to pat his shoulder. “Lets hit the mess for some food then I’ll get my armor on and we will go over more team drills.”

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

Was that… music? Her skin pebbled. The shiver started at her earlobes and traveled across her shoulder blades before hastily descending her spinal cord. She strained to make out the tapping piano, each chord familiar, but the arrangement escaped her. Shepard opened her eyes to an unfamiliar ceiling in a shadowed room. She blinked, trying to clear bleary fog from her vision. Whoever was playing the tune, was very talented. The melody was soothing. So much so that something else being in the bed with her didn’t startle her. 

In fact, it seemed normal. The surrounding sheets rustled, and a five fingered hand smoothed its way across her naked thigh and up across her stomach. She threw back the covers, and two recognizable brown eyes closed against the light. 

“Ash? What are you doing here?” Shepard’s voice sounded muffled to her own ears.

Her chief Gunnery Officer sat up and leaned over her, pressing one palm down into her right shoulder. “What do you mean ‘what am I doing here’, this is my bed Commander.” The woman’s long brown hair fell forward from where it had been tucked behind her ear.

Ah, the tune was Clair De’Lune. It clicked as Shepard stared into the soldier’s eyes. She couldn’t make sense of how she got here. Couldn’t remember. Maybe it didn’t matter. She threaded fingers into thick chocolate strands and pulled Ashley’s face down to her chest. The officer tucked her head neatly under the Commander’s chin. Shepard wrapped both arms around her friend tightly and nuzzled her nose into her mane. She smelled like Alliance issued soap. They both sighed contentedly as the piano tapped away.

She was here. She was warm, her skin silky under the N7s calloused finger pads. “Ashley, I’m so sorry.”

“For what Skipper?” The officer’s words were muted but Shepard could feel her lips move near her collarbone.

“For leaving you behind. You deserved better. You still do.” The usually stoic Commander’s tears welled. “It shouldn’t have been like this.”

The brunette woman nodded slowly. “I know Skipper. But you got him, right?”

Shepard hesitated to answer. She did, right? She could remember the elongated techno skeleton of Saren laying crumpled next to her.

Something else was in the bed with them. She looked down at the top of Ashley’s head. The soldier didn’t seem alarmed as whatever it was moved along their forms under the sheets. Was the music playing faster? This time a three fingered hand yanked her bicep off of the soldier’s back. Shepard cried out as it fisted, burying talons in her flesh. Saren’s silver plates emerged from under the covers. He leaned over her the same as Ashley had, mandibles twitching. Shepard tried to buck away from him but the Gunnery Chief’s weight was holding her down, eyes closed with a blissful look on her face. Shepard darted her vision back up to the Turian’s visage. The oddly lengthy plates at his cheeks caught the low lighting in the room, making them resemble knives.

“What’s wrong Commander? Didn’t I tell you you couldn’t stop them? You can’t run from them.” His other long fingered hand was at her throat, squeezing. “I sought to save us, you see. I did the only thing I could. There are so very many of them out there, you know.”

Shepard tried to scream, but could only get out a gurgle as he choked her. She scrabbled at his wrist with her free hand, Ashley’s weight pressing her bodily into the mattress. Claire De’Lune was continuing in the background, faster and slightly off key.

“Shepard! Open the door!” A dual toned voice came from her right.

It was Garrus! She turned her head towards the door he was banging against, desperately trying to kick her legs out from under her Gunnery Chief.

Seconds passed slowly as her lungs burned, thrashing as little as she could against Saren’s grip. She couldn’t see over the edge of the mattress anymore, Ashley’s form had pressed her down so far. There was a crashing noise, and the sound of splintering wood. Her sniper’s familiar blue and black armored arm came into view, throwing Saren away from her easily. She grasped his hand, and he hauled her up. She stood staring up at azure eyes behind a glowing visor.

Garrus blinked at her. “What do we do next Shepard?”

What? 

She turned and the bed was gone, replaced by the metal doors of a Citadel elevator. The Commander faced back around, to see twinkling shards of glass spinning off over inverted buildings of one of the wards far below them.

There was a sharp feeling of vertigo and her stomach flipped as she stepped out past the lip of the broken elevator glass to magnetize herself to the external tube. In front of her now was Sovereign, his titanic black form was hunched over the Citadel tower, many insect legs gripping the structure. He was vaguely squid-like, save for one great red iris that bathed her in ruby light. Wrex and Garrus stood on either side of her.

“Rudimentary creatures of blood and flesh, you touched my mind, fumbling in ignorance, incapable of understanding.” The Reaper’s deep metallic voice boomed loudly, reverberating off the semi-closed arms of the Citadel, magnifying the sound ten fold. Shepard clamped hands over her ears.

The colossal machine floated down and smashed into the ward below them. “There is a realm of existence so far beyond your own you cannot even imagine it. I am beyond your comprehension. I am Sovereign!” 

Shepard sucked in a breath as he moved toward them. “When the stars are right, it will awaken and rend space itself, so it may come forth and plunge us all into madness,” she mumbled to herself as she leaned back to look up at the angles of his form.

"What are you talking about Shepard?" Wrex's gruff voice barely cut through the whistling wind in her ears. 

Behind the creature, the SSV Normandy shot by them, guns blazing. It launched a warhead that slammed into the Reapers side, bathing them all in the bright white blast. The Commander was blown clear of the Citadel, spiraling through open vacuum.

The space station spun past her vision so fast bile rose in her throat.

It was then that the hissing began. 

Shepard gasped awake in the darkness of her quarters.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for the Kudos and comments! The fact that anyone is enjoying this is a trip, I'm still shocked. Fun Fact: for this chapter I did editing about 10ft away from a female moose.


	4. Chapter 4

“I thought this guy was a good shot?” Shepard spoke just as the crowd of freelancers began jumping the barrier and storming the walkway with much aplomb. The crowd of inexpensive armor swelled around the team as it moved. Zaeed watched three heads explode right in front of him.

“Are you god-damned-daft woman?” He gestured at the now slumped merc forms. She pointed at the pile of bodies along the bridge.

“Hey not all of those are headshots. I’ve seen better is all I’m sayin’ Massani,” her eyes twinkled with mirth. The old Merc had disbelief written across his features. He was still attractive in a grizzled, devil-may-care way despite his age and impressive facial scar. Well, his tattooed biceps were _certainly_ comely in Shepard's humble opinion. She watched him check his rifle for a thermal clip and allowed her mind wander for a second. Their Krogan companion behind her chuckled darkly while she spun her lip ring, letting the grunts ahead of them spread out a bit before putting her helmet on. 

“Okay let's go be big damn heroes boys.” With that she vaulted over the barrier and in a blue blaze had already knocked two idiots over the banister of the bridge. Grunt stormed right by her and bodily picked people up to huck them over the ledge. The soldier cackled with glee as she charged through men in force.

“Oh man this biotic shit is a real blast lemme tell ya!” She emphasized as she cocked her shot gun and point blanked a poor sod in the back. Archangel's gun was busy above them.

“Is it really ‘biotic shit’ if all you can do is throw yourself at people?” Zaeed answered.

“Give me a break, I wasn’t a biotic before death, this is a whole new world to me!” She stabbed through the neck of an unsuspecting target with her blade. “Don’t you worry though, I’m gonna learn all sorts of ways to blow your mind old man!” Shepard stood up on a crate to get a better angle on a guy behind cover - this was about the time the freelancers started realizing they weren’t there to help. Merc bullets rained against her shield. Zaeed watched her antics with a barked laugh and dispatched a Salarian who’d made it down the bridge and practically through the front door.

“A loony lass like you? Oh girlie, I’m sure you already know a few ways to blow my mind.” His voice dropped a register as he came up behind her.

“In your wildest dreams Massani,” Her retort cut short as a concussion round spun her off the crate. Zaeed barely managed an “Oi!” and grabbed her clumsily with one arm as she fell. The Commander righted herself with an exclamation. “Did that bastard just shoot at me?” She looked up at the balcony and caught the light off the Turian’s scope. “He did, that son-of-a-bitch!” Grunt’s guffaw echoed through the com.

“He didn’t shoot _AT_ you Shepard, he _hit_ you! I like him!” The Krogan chortled as he bashed two mercs together.

"That'll teach you not to stand around droolin' over me, won't it Shepard?" Zaeed’s laughter followed her as she sprinted from cover to cover, catching up with Grunt while mumbling expletives under her breath.

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

The door opened for them as they came up the stairs to the balcony, so he must have at least gotten the hint they were there to help him. The three-man team strode in with purpose and made their way up to the crouched Turian.

"I'm Commander Shepard and I'm here to rescue you," she said with humor. She pulled off her helmet and tucked it under an arm. Behind her, Zaeed rolled his eyes. The Turian snapped his lidded head around as she spoke.

"Shepard?" His voice came modulated through his headwear.

"Yup, here to recruit." She intoned with a short two-fingered salute. He didn't move a muscle while he studied her. Finally, after an agonizingly silent few seconds, he stood up and moved towards her as he pulled his helmet off.

She tensed and gasped loudly as he revealed his face.

“Garrus!” She breathed his name like a prayer. His mandibles hung open, pupils huge, sweat beaded on his neck - but it was him. The visor, the purposeful slashes of his markings, silver plates, tawny hide, those bright blue eyes - she'd recognize him anywhere, even decked out in armor she hadn’t seen before. 

Shepard moved to throw an arm around him but hesitated when another second went by and his face didn't change or move an iota. Her foot bumped an empty stim vial... from the corner of her eye she registered all the vials and spent thermal clips lying about where he’d crouched. There was a sinking sense in her gut. He mumbled something. "What?" She asked.

"You've come... I'm... I’m out of my mind. You're here to kill me, aren’t you?" He stood up straighter and pulled his mandibles in tight. His eyes darted towards Grunt and Zaeed behind her. Her face screwed into confusion.

“What are you talking about Big Guy?” Her tone was calming. “It was just a concussion round, why would I want to do th-”

“You’re my escort to the afterlife.” He cut in.

Her heart dropped into her stomach and twisted painfully. "Shit” she breathed before clapping her mouth shut. He thought he was hallucinating. Shepard contemplated her next sentence as her eyes darted between the stem vials. How many were there? How long had he been up here? The bodies that littered the bridge - she didn’t scrutinize them enough to notice how long they'd been there…. He took one last step into her personal space and reached out to clasp her armored bicep. The Commander drew in a sharp breath and held it. His pupils narrowed.

“Spirits…” he whispered as he looked at his hand on her arm."Are you real?" Grunt and Zaeed shared a glance and moved, the human to watch the bridge and the krogan to the doorway. Shepard nodded her head at his inquiry.

“It's absolutely me Garrus, you aren’t seeing things I promise.” She answered back warmly and patted his elbow.

“You’re dead. How…”

“I know, it’s hard to explain but Cerberus rescued me and somehow, with better luck than I’ve EVER had, I’ve found you.” It seemed easier, in his drug addled state, to run with ‘rescue’ than with ‘rebuilt-me-as-probably-some-abomination-of-the-real-deal-as-we-all-know-how-Cerberus-experiments-end’. His eyes darted back and forth, taking in her face and black N7 armor. Suddenly he bent and swept her up, crushing her to him. Her feet left the ground as she threw her arms around his neck. 

“Man, am I glad to see you Big Guy!” She laughed.

“Shepard...” He made a low wailing noise that came more from his chest than his mouth. She wasn’t sure what to make of it, but the heartbreaking way he whispered her name sent a bolt of guilt to her toes. Her stomach twisted again.

“Garrus, how are we going to get you out of here? How’d you get into this mess?” She registered shouting beyond the bridge. He pulled his face away from her neck and rested his forehead against hers as he gingerly set her back down. He was still making that sound. Zaeed raised his rifle to his shoulder to her left, catching her eye when he jerked his head towards the merc camp. Shepard blew out the breath she’d been holding.

“I hate to break up this touching reunion and all but we’ve got incoming.” Zaeed’s gravely speech sounded. 

“I got here by trusting filth that I shouldn’t have. As for how we get out...” Garrus’s dual-toned voice trailed off.

“We shoot till we can’t shoot no more?” Shepard finished his sentence. She thought she caught a familiar smirk at that. She pushed her helmet back on and felt a rumble through the floor.

“What the shit?” She spun to look at her companion as he pulled his own lid over his fringe and locked the neck seals.

“There’s a door to the lower levels, I’d sealed it off but sounds like they are trying to get in down there.” The modulated voice answered.

“I’ll go head them off, Grunt you’re with me. Massani, keep our bird alive will ya?” 

“Sure girlie anything you ask.” Zaeed popped in a fresh heatsink on his sniper rifle. She bounced on the balls of her feet twice before shaking out her shoulders, unhooking her shotgun, and sprinting off downstairs. The two left behind caught her telling the Krogan to keep up as she disappeared and Grunt’s answering bellow of “Paint the basement with a rainbow of merc blood!”

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

Shepard was grumbling to herself as she came back upstairs, inspecting the Vorcha entrails splattered across her legs. She walked out past the banister and only got a snarl as a warning before she was shoved against the wall and dragged into the air. The Commander had to blink stars out of her eyes and struggled to suck in a breath before she focused on the fist wrapped around her throat. She followed the fist to the terrible sneer of “Garm.” she ground out through her teeth. Both her hands promptly bludgeoned hard, chopping at the arm that held her aloft. The Human planted one sturdy leg on her krogan assailant’s chest and pushed, but all he did was lower her to his face.

“Filthy turian fucker arn’t you?” He growled, spittle flying out to hang from Shepard’s visor. She caught sight of Grunt rounding the corner just as the Blood Pack boss pulled his shotgun up to her gut.

“Why don’t you grow a quad and pick on someone your own size, Garm?” She spat back. 

Grunt charged the big bastard without even a second thought and came crashing into him with perfect poetic timing. Man, she loved her baby Krogan. It would have brought a tear to her eye if his momentum hadn’t caused him and Garm’s weight both to crush her into the wall. Their impact pushed a pained sound out of her throat as she slid down to lie while the two Krogan duked it out. Stunned, Shepard sprawled, taking in gasping breaths. She heard the rapport of both rifles in tandem from upstairs and through the channel. 

“What was that yell, you okay girlie?” Zaeed came over the com.

She tried to speak back but couldn’t get a sound out through her bruised throat and probable harmed ribs. The two big creatures were dancing around each other clumsily, taking turns punching and charging one another, interspersed with shotgun blasts. Her tube baby got in a magically timed upper cut that made pride swell in her chest even with her incapacitation. The sickening crack it made was glorious. She'd taught him that move.

“Shepard?” Garrus’s voice that time.

She managed a pained gasp at least. Grunt head butted Garm yet again, but this time the old Krogan bent on one knee and gave the younger the opportunity to fire off five shots directly into the red bastard’s hump. 

“My Battle Master is fine, just had the wind knocked out of her.” He answered for her.

The sound of an approaching engine made her eyes widen. Not three seconds later came the tell tale sound of a mini gun spinning up.

The gunship. They got it running.

The Commander rolled and tried to push herself up. Grunt came to pull her to her feet and half dragged her up the flight of steps to the balcony.

Zaeed’s voice rang down to them in stereo. “What in the bloody hell are you doing, get up here Shepard!”

The pair hobbled through the door, Shepard's eyes locked on the body on the ground face down in a vast pool of azure blood.

“No!” She forced out on a husky breath. Military trained senses took in the scene in milliseconds, the gunship had nailed Garrus through a side window and moved to the rear room to offload Blue Sun's footmen. Her merc was there in his mismatched armor, crouched behind an overturned table. The Commander didn’t hesitate to pull the rocket launcher off her back. She kneeled, primed, aimed, and launched in one graceful, continuous movement. Grunt stood behind her gaping, but at least Zaeed had been smart enough to duck. The resounding explosion in the compact space displaced the Normandy team and likewise made the Blue Suns that hadn’t fully disembarked - and their precious gunship - a vaporized memory. The blast blew Shepard onto her back. She lifted her head to see both her comrades scrambling to their feet. She smiled then rolled, dragging herself over to Garrus - there was nothing but a loud thrumming ring in her ears. She reached out and rotated the Turian’s head towards her.

Shit. Shit shit shit. The right side of his neck gushed blood as she moved him, his mandible was hanging from the blue, wet, meat of the side of his face. His eye sprung open, and there was a gurgle as he tried to breathe through the blood. _Hoooly shit, he was alive!_ Shepard sunk her hand into his neck to grip and stifle the bleed. Zaeed and Grunt were around her, trying to speak... but she could only see their mouths moving. The ringing from the explosion was too loud. The Commander hit her com and choked out for an evac, or at least, did her best approximation through her hearing loss. She pointed to her com and looked at her compatriots, Zaeed mouthed “What?” - the old merc’s hearing must be out too. Grunt however, pointed back at his com and nodded back at her. Thank God for redundant eardrums? Shepard gave him a thumbs up - oh, that quizzical look on his mug was cute. Could she adopt an adolescent tank-bred Krogan? What was the legality? Was her vision turning fuzzy? She really needed to teach him human hand signals....

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

She tried to open her eyes, but they just rolled back into her head. Ouch was the only thing to register. Okay, that was feeling at least. Her neck was throbbing as she moved. She flexed her fingers and toes, ah! Those were still there. A second try at eye opening - success. Med bay ceiling. She could work with that, could be worse - could have been Garm’s ugly mug staring at her. Garm? GARRUS.

She choked out his name as she thought it and tried to sit up, but swimming vision and a warm hand pushed her down onto the bed.

“Stop right there Commander, you will still be under the effects of the sedative for a bit longer and I don’t need someone with a broken rib, a concussion and a crushed trachea to be flailing about my med bay.” Dr. Karin Chakwas’s familiar face popped into her field of view, graced with a warm smile. Shepard’s mouth corners pulled up in reaction before she moved to speak.

“You’ve been out for a few hours, Grunt and Zaeed got you here just in time. Garrus is fine.” The silver-haired doctor interrupted her while elevating the head of her bed. “Try not to talk, give your vocal cords a few days to relax please?” Shepard made a disbelieving face. 

“Come now Commander, we both know you will ignore my requests, but at least let me make them.” Steady hands poured a glass of water and handed it to the patient. There was a moment of pointed looks between the two women before Shepard sighed and sipped.

“Alright, now that you are cooperating, your neck will be sore for a week or so I’d imagine, try to be gentle with yourself. The rib is mending well...” She pulled up her omni-tool to show the live scan of the offending bone. “... and you should be back to normal duties tomorrow. I’m not sure if it was the Krogan or the rocket launcher.” She intoned with a breathy laugh.

“Now as for that concussion, again, _please_ rest, Commander. No more close quarters rockets either, Zaeed was also concussed from the blast. Grunt has two bullet holes he wouldn’t let me close. Something about the scars. Now, on to Garrus. Mordin and I have been in surgery for the last few hours stabilizing him. I’ve had to graft in cybernetics to give him back the functionality of his jaw. Lucky you picked up those dextro supplies at the Citadel, he had to undergo a blood transfusion. If he continues with my aftercare instructions, the scarring should be minimal as the plates grow back in.” Dr. Chakwas pulled the curtain as she moved around Shepard’s bed to reveal Garrus’s still sleeping form in the next bay.

“You saved his life, Commander. Even unconscious your grip is impressive. You can get up in a few minutes, Gardener has something easy to swallow prepared for you.” The elder woman spun around and stuck a finger in her face. “DON’T just not eat because it’s painful. I’ll find out. I will make you keep a food diary until your throat heals.” The younger held up a placating hand, gingerly sat up, and set her now empty glass on the tray table.

A few minutes later Shepard felt okay to stand up and head to the mess. She paused over Garrus’s bed and took stock of his vital monitors. “Remember Commander, everyone here is my rat. I WILL know.” Chakwas called after her as she slunk out the med bay door. 

Just outside, the mess was relatively quiet with only Gardner and Kasumi occupying it. Shepard waved half heartedly at the man’s beaming smile. 

“Those rations you picked up at the Citadel were really great, Commander. The crew will be thanking you for weeks!” He eyed her neck and made a tsking sound. “Real shame you can’t partake for a few days.” 

Trying to remember her orders to take it easy on the talking she just patted him on the shoulder and made an ‘Ok” sign with her hand. Gardner presented her with broth that she took with a nod of thanks. The thief looked up from noodles she was nursing as Shepard walked by and planted herself opposite.

“Have you seen what you look like yet Commander?” Kasumi asked cheerily. Shepard shook her head. Jack chose that moment to walk back from the bathroom and answered for her as she passed by them.

“Like absolute shit.” She snorted and resumed her own bowl down the table from the two women. Shepard opened her mouth to retort, remembered she shouldn’t and just rolled her eyes instead.

“So you aren’t shocked later, you’ve got two shiners, a perfect Krogan hand shaped bruise on your neck, and more bruising on your chest. It hurts just looking at you!” Kasumi continued. Shepard looked down her tank top at the blooming angry blue and purple that disappeared past the hemline. Yeah, that was rough. She wondered idly who brought the change of clothes to the med bay and shrugged in response. The two women kept chatting at her and with each other while she spooned her broth with agonizing swallows. Jack was surprisingly glib today. The biotic's usual M.O. was brooding, glaring, and insults when pried. After a few minutes, the N7 steeled herself and tipped the bowl directly down her throat. God, she needed her bed.

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

She woke suddenly.... a noise maybe? She laid perfectly still, ears straining in the darkness.

“Shepard?” Garrus’s thrumming vocals softly called. She startled as if she’d been shot and let out a loud breath.

“Holy shit don’t scare me like that,” her hand pulled away from the Carnifax under her pillow to pat a spot on the bed for him to come sit.

“I’m sorry Shepard, when I came up the door opened - I didn’t mean to wake you,” his silhouette wrung its hands in the backlight of the aquarium.

“It’s not your fault, I told EDI to let you in if you stopped by,” the Commander dug a knuckle into a sleepy eye and instantly hissed in pain. “Shit, I forgot about these damn bruises!” She exclaimed. Garrus chuckled lowly. 

“Chakwas wouldn’t give me a mirror, do you look as bad as I do?” Finally he tapped down the steps to perch on the edge of her mattress. He was sans his armor and wearing an olive green with gold trim set of Turian fatigues.

“I dunno, lets see,” she used her omni-tool to bring the lights up in the cabin and squinted as her pupils adjusted. 

He exhaled prominently upon sight of her. “Spirits Shepard! Garm did all that?”

“Naaaah, he was a big softie. The real issue was my baby krogan’s lack of self control... that and a self-induced rocket blast,” she retorted huskily from damaged chords. Garrus’s eyes flicked to the obviously three fingered bruise on her neck and gave her a skeptical glance.

“Oh, and what about you, Big Guy? Who told you to eat rockets for breakfast, huh?” She punctuated her statement by dragging him closer by the collar and pushed a finger against his chin to turn his wound toward her. She winced just looking at his plates, even though most of it was masked by a bandage. Shepard couldn’t help but notice the dried blue crust still under her fingernail.

“That bad huh?” His taloned hand covered hers and gently pulled it from his face. He stared at their hands silently for a few moments - in which the burbling water seemed loud in the backdrop. “I came up because... I needed to see for myself that you were real. Spirits. You must be. I just have pain killers in my system now,” he paused as his eyes wandered over her glowing scars. 

“I can’t believe you are here,” he leaned forward near the nape of her neck and inhaled like he had once before. “It really is you...how? Why didn’t you contact me? It’s been _two years_ Shepard,” His speech was quiet, un-accusatory. The sadness in his voice and the low sounds he was making made guilt coil and writhe in her belly, and sent heat through her face and shoulders. 

She stared at him… how long were they together on the SR1, a year? She’d never seen him out of his armor. He was so much smaller than he normally seemed.

“Excuse your shitty Commander for a few minutes will you Garrus?” She uttered quietly before wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling herself tightly to him. The keening noise in his chest stuttered and changed to a curious, deep, cricket-like droning noise. He held his arms rigidly away, obviously unsure of where to put them. 

He huffed into her hair quietly. “You Humans are so touchy.” She could feel the noises he made through his keel.

“I haven’t done much touching in the last two years. Technically. ” She smiled, but her demeanor quickly turned somber. “Forgive me, I have had almost no one around me that wasn’t working for a terrorist organization. I’m glad you’re here. I don’t know how I would have done this...” She trailed off in a whisper. “Garrus....” She wasn’t sure where to start. “I’m so sorry, I can only imagine what you’ve been through the past two years. It’s only been a month at most for me. I feel like I just waved goodbye to you on the Citadel.”

“What happened Shepard? I was at the docks when the ship with the survivors came in... Joker said himself he saw you get blown from the Normandy. You said Cerberus rescued you?” He spoke into the crown of her head.

“Well... Jeff was right, the blast threw me clear... it ruptured my suit seals and... that was that. The last thing I remember is... the feeling of my lungs burning as the sun broke the planet’s horizon.” She murmured. His arms came around her to settle on her back.

“Then I woke up on a table in a lab just weeks ago. I've got two Cerberus operatives on the ship. One, Miranda was in charge of what they called the ‘Lazarus Project’... disturbing.” At the Turian's quizzical expression, she expounded. “The name is from an old religious tale about a god resurrecting a man from the dead. The religious context is the disturbing part. Anyway, the other operative, Jacob, told me I had burned through atmo on Alchera. He said all he saw was ‘nothing but meat and tubes’.” She shuddered bodily at the imagery that conjured. “I died Garrus. I didn’t just abandon everyone and everything we fought for. I was _spaced_. I hit the _ground._ God, I need a cigarette,” she laughed on the last sentence and stood up to rummage through the pile of clothes by her bed. A triumphant noise sounded from her throat when the Commander located her lighter and cigs. She straightened up to light one and realized as Garrus’s gaze lingered on her bare legs that standing around in her underwear and a tank top wasn’t her greatest plan. Ah well, they were soldiers, he’d seen worse.

The Turian was rubbing his hands on the tops of his thighs and glancing about. “I’m not sure what to say Shepard...” 

“There’s a Human saying, ‘Ain’t No Rest for the Wicked’ or maybe ‘Legends Never Die’ is a better one.” Her lips turned up around the butt. Garrus made a face she couldn’t place.

He was quiet for a few moments before he started again, meeting her gaze. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there.” 

Her chest clenched. “We both know that if you were you’d probably just be dead too... and I doubt Cerberus would have brought YOU back. It’s better this way.” She sighed. “But enough of that, how did you go from Specter training to The Batman of Omega?” 

He was silent for a long while, looking everywhere but at her. “I... don’t know. Well, I do know, but....” he trailed off, massaging inside his cowell on his injured side. “Sorry Shepard, not up to talking about it yet.”

“Fair enough.” She stamped the cigarette out in an ashtray on her nightstand. When she turned she caught him rubbernecking her legs again. The Human smirked and stuck a hip out cockily. “See something you like Vakarian?” He sucked his uninjured mandible to his jaw so hard she had to stifle a laugh, embarrassment was easy to recognize even on a Turian.

“More like marveling at how squishy you Humans are… how you made it to apex predator on your planet will always mystify me,” he quipped haughtily - his chin appendages were still drawn in tight though.

“You know us pyjacks are wiley!” Her smile widened. “Besides, we can’t all be evolutionarily blessed armored cockatiels. I’m surprised you haven’t noticed before, considering the communal showers on the SR1. Wait… do Turians bathe? I never did see you there.” 

“I don’t know what a cockatiel is but I’m assuming that was an insult,” he stood and loomed, his sub-vocalizations loudly drumming through her bones - she couldn’t help the goose flesh he raised. “And of course we bathe, smart Turians just showered during the wee hours of the night cycle - so that all that warm water could be enjoyed _leisurely_ ,” he put a thrumming emphasis on his last word that sent a pleasure bolt down Shepard’s back. Huh. Something to analyze later. The atmosphere between them changed drastically when he snaked a gloved fingertip along her glowing scars on her collar that disappeared under her tank top.

“Well I can't disparage that, it was a brilliant plan that kept you from being subjected to Wrex in all his glory,” she spoke the last part through a strained laugh - an effort to break the uncomfortable tension.

“Really Shepard? You didn’t have to ogle the poor old Krogan.” Garrus used that long talon to poke her in the side - causing her to flinch and squawk, much to his satisfaction.

“Who ogled who? The man takes a shower like he’s being filmed live for Fornax. But I did unfortunately find out you weren’t lying.” Shepard waggled her eyebrows. He cocked his head in curiosity, just like a bird. She snorted.

“When you said they had four testicles, I thought you had to be full of shit! Imagine mine, Kaiden, and Joker’s buck naked surprise that you weren’t! Kaiden turned so red he was like an Asari maiden on her first Hanar pleasure cruise. I should have taken a holo…” Garrus’s chuckle made him groan in pain.

“Ahh don’t make me laugh, my mandible is barely holding on as it is,” he touched his wounded jaw and hissed low, the sound pulsed through the room in both his tones 

“Aw I’m sorry Big Guy. I’ll stop.”

Garrus sighed. “Cerberus, Shepard? You do remember everything we saw their hands in on the SR1? I can’t say I’m not worried about this.”

“Of course I do, and technically now I’m one of their experiments too. You aren’t the only one worried. That’s why I need you here. If I’m walking into hell I need someone I can trust. I need you Garrus. “

“You realize this plan has me walking into hell with you, right?” His good mandible pulled up in a grin. “Just like old times.” The two friends stood in silence considering each other. 

“Hey Shep?” He asked.

“Hm?”

“What’s a Batman?”

Shepard laughed loudly. “A human superhero. The caped crusader of vigilante justice! You have a lot in common, lemme pull a comic up, you’ll LOVE him.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Week 3, man going back and reading these early chapters is a trip. Feels like I'm not even the one writing this, haha. Thanks for reading, for the kudos, I really appreciate it everyone! Don't be afraid to let me know what you think, good, bad, ugly or repetitive, I'll appreciate the feedback.


	5. Chapter 5

In the bathroom darkness, she saw the faint glow behind her pupils and the burning red trails cracking along her skin. In the bathroom's quiet, she could hear the cybernetics mechanical movements beneath her unmarred dermal weave. Shepard touched a scar that ran up into her hairline... she followed it up and just inside the follicles there was a seam. Prying at it made an awful clicking sound, and then the plate pulled down. Her breath froze and she couldn’t drag her eyes away from the mirror as her hand revealed more and more smooth titanium under-skeleton. 

The pressure of the scream was there in her throat as Saren’s Reaper puppet face stared back at her. His mouth opened and out came the impossibly loud, booming voice of Sovereign. “I am the vanguard of your destruction. We are legion, the time of our return is coming. Our numbers will darken the sky of every world. You cannot escape your doom.” 

The noise shorted the cybernetically enhanced hearing she possessed, crackling as he spoke and rattling painfully through her rib cage. Metallic fingers clawed out of her maw, stretching and breaking the hinges. She struggled desperately to tear her sight from her own horrible visage. Her body swung around and she saw inky blackness beyond a bright white planet. Her lungs burned, instinctually sucking in. The static in her ears turned into a hiss of oxygen and then into the long drone of a flatline heart monitor. Her eyes expanded against the light - she could see the familiar exo suits of Garrus, Wrex, Liara, Tali, and Ashley, broken and slowly spiraling in the void before her. 

Shepard woke and registered the tail end of her own hoarse shout. She flipped over onto her back and sat up with her legs over the edge of the mattress. Her skin was slick with cold sweat, her heart hammered in her chest. Fuck. That had been a new one.

Fuck.

The N7 soldier snatched a pill bottle from the top of her nightstand to read the label. Meant to provide six to eight hours of sleep; CAUTION: do not take more than two. Side effects… She skimmed the list of things from somewhat unpleasant to downright scary. Ah, unusual dreams. She checked her tool. Four hours had passed since Garrus had woken her up. Shepard stood and a wave of vertigo washed over her that sent her staggering to the bathroom. She buckled hard on her knees in front of the toilet to unceremoniously dump the meager contents of her stomach. She sat there with her elbows propped on the rim, breathing hard and thinking for a long while. Four hours was about her maximum these days. Her dreams were already bad on their own. Nausea was something she couldn’t afford… getting back into shape was going to be hard enough without that. She had to keep her calories inside. She rose to wash up in the sink. Shepard avoided her own reflection through necessity, the hairs on her neck would stand every time she contemplated looking into it. Eventually, after finishing, she glanced up as she dried off her face. 

Luckily it was her own familiar visage staring back. She sighed in relief and scrutinized the scars Cerberus had left. The bruising was much better, her eyes less puffy. Everything had faded to green and yellow. The only remaining angry red was around her neck. Not surprising considering not one but two Krogan had gotten a hold of it in the last seventy two hours. The dark circles were still there. As she stood staring at herself she knew,even as she tried not to dwell on a pill-induced dream... that it had begun a new and wholly terrifying thought she hadn’t yet dealt with. The red glow of her cracked skin all but confirmed it. 

There was no way that Cerberus hadn’t brought her back without the use of Reaper tech from Sovereign's carcass. None. She knew their M.O. She knew before she was blown to hell that clean-up efforts on the Citadel had reported many missing pieces from the original cataloged damage. Her lungs constricted, but she couldn't pull in a choked breath through the sob that escaped her.

She was a ticking time bomb now, exactly like Saren. 

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

Shepard stepped off the lift into a busy mess hall in the middle of the fourth shift changing to first shift. The din was comforting after the quiet revelations she had just suffered. Eyes turned towards her and the crew issued a litany of greetings. As she walked over to the kitchen, she was met with the shock of her life - Jack standing in her full glory with two heaping plates of biscuits and gravy - at 0600 hours. 

“Fucking finally, here she is. Shepard, I saved that spot there for you,” she gestured with an elbow to the empty seats across from Zaeed and Grunt. “A fat, balding, old bird squawked to me that you spent your entire day yesterday vanguarding your way through every merc on that station - and all I saw you eat was that broth. You gotta calorie pack after runs like that. Your biotics will eat you alive.” Was that concern in the tattooed woman’s voice? Shepard’s eyebrows must have raised up off her forehead and into her hair.

“Don’t give me that fucking look - I need you to be good and ready to help me. I found the facility that kept me. And we are gonna raise it to the ground, okay? Can’t have our local girl scout offing herself from fucking stupidity just yet. Now, sit,” Jack herded the Commander backwards until she collapsed into one of the open seats. The biotic sat next to her and dropped both plates.

“I heard that, you psychotic bitch. In exactly what way am I fat?” Zaeed pointed his fork in Jack’s face.

The biotic pushed the utensil back towards him.“I called you old and bald too, not gonna dispute those, huh?” Jack scoffed.

Shepard hid her smile by stuffing a few spoonfuls in her mouth. Grunt guffawed loudly while he was using his dish like a dump truck, just sliding his food down his throat. The Krogan stood and trotted back over to the kitchen. She briefly wondered what portion number he was on.

“You are a right, miserable piece of work, you know that?” he grumbled. Grunt came back to sit with a vast plateful.

Shepard had to admit, she didn’t know where fat came from either as she eyed him in his white tank and olive cargo pants. Did he have those arms out on purpose? She mentally chastised herself. This lack of frat regs was making her a god-damned vulture. She shifted her food around her plate while she put the brakes on her out-of-control hormones. 

“Hey, if you can't swallow those biscuits, you need to get a second and third helping of those eggs. We’ve gotta work on your pull.” Jack was watching her like a hawk.

The biotics new found caring was too surreal. She had to change the subject. “So where is this facility?” Shepard was glancing around the tables. Jacob was sitting further down, chatting with Ken and Gabby, the two ex Alliance engineers. 

“Pragia. A jungle planet on the ass end of nowhere, where the vines are one step away from sentient, they take over and break down everything. Hopefully, there’s enough left to waste. Cerberus files say it's abandoned, so should be easy,” Jack was wolfing down her meal nearly as fast as Grunt had. 

“Sounds reasonable. I think our murder squad can handle that,” she trailed off as the mess hall muted. A taloned hand came into her field of vision and put down a full mug of black coffee. She swiveled to see Garrus, looking about as haggard as she felt. He set his palm on her shoulder before stalking off towards the med bay and disappearing behind the door. The murmuring in the room resumed at a lower pitch once he’d left. Shepard brought the mug to her lips and pulled contentedly at the warm liquid. It felt good on her still damaged esophagus. Two scoops of sugar. It was perfection. Jack and Zaeed shared a glance. 

“Oh, a girl scout with a bad boy bird boyfriend? Shep, you wound me - that is so cliche,” the biotic snorted.

“Have you seen their dicks? Don’t knock it till you’ve tried it,” Shepard smirked before having another deep sip of coffee. Jack choked on her forkful of biscuit, then gawked at her with an incredulous look. The mercenary and the Krogan both laughed enthusiastically at the biotics expense.

“Girl scout might have been the wrong name then,” the tattooed woman muttered as she cleaned her plate.

Shepard stood and leaned in close to her. “Just use my original nickname,” she grabbed her mug and walked towards the elevator, leaving her mostly finished dish. 

“And what’s that?” Jack called after her. 

She stopped and twisted to face back to the biotic, and did not hide her dark smile. 

“The Butcher.”

The room was hushed as she left.

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

Garrus could already feel the anxiety and paranoia setting in from his stim abuse. He turned in his cot, struggling to sleep after speaking with Shepard. The lifeless remains of his teammates were vivid when he closed his eyes. Spirits, he was such a trusting fool. Sidonis never showed. By the time he had come back, they were all dead, and Sidonis’s body wasn’t among them. Nothing but a wave of mercs was left waiting for him. His breathing was rapid as he recalled their faces. 

Montague’s torso had been covering Weaver’s much smaller frame... Melenis’ back carapace was riddled with gunfire. She’d tried to protect Mierin, whose purple skin peeked out from under her. He never did figure out if they had been together. Butler and Sensat were slumped against one another near the front entrance. There had been scorch marks around the door to the bridge and the exit to the underground from Sensat’s charges, along with the merc casualties they’d caused. His team had put up a hell of a fight, but his grief overtook the swell of pride in his chest. He’d barely had time to lay them out and pull sheets over them before the gunship had shown up. Such a failure, he should have known. He knew. Sidonis had always been twitchy, very un-Turian. 

The sharp ache of his mourning forced him to sit up. Garrus could hear people out in the mess, meaning Chakwas was awake. He gave up trying to sleep and moved out of the main battery. Shepard was there. Even sleepless, his gaze found her. The soldier’s way of fighting had nagged at him out on the bridge, but when she entered the apartment and spoke - he’d known. She was there for him, she was the Spirit meant to usher him to whatever comes after. It was fitting; it was perfect. A neat little bow on his time living. He’d never stopped thinking about her. His father had mentioned more than once that his grief over his superior’s death was unseemly. So of course it was her. The relief and acceptance he felt in that moment was grand. But it was her long fringe that had set off his detective sensibilities first. Then it was the lip decoration. Over her two-year absence he’d always remembered her with the short fringe, the only way he’d ever seen her. He tried to blink away his memories. She was real. Sitting right there talking with the other Humans. 

Gardner had a steaming N7 stamped mug sitting on the counter. That brought his mood up a bit, as Cerberus was clearly trying hard to please her. Shepard had always worn the armor, but he couldn't recall seeing anything else emblazoned with the obvious red stripe. She was sitting just a scant distance away, so he had reached over the counter and stuck in two scoops of the white stuff she liked in it. Bringing it over to her had seemed nice enough, but every step was seeping energy from him. He couldn’t find the will to even say anything. When he went in to see Chakwas, he’d fully intended to get something to help with detoxing from the stims, but somehow saying anything about it seemed like an insurmountable task. He quietly let her check his bandages. The Doctor re-dressed his jaw with a compression covering meant to help with plate regrowth. Keeping his eyes open was difficult, much less comprehending what she was saying. Thankfully, she gave him a higher dosage of pain meds. As he walked back through the cafeteria, he hazily noticed how much quieter it was. All eyes watched his short trek to the battery. 

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

Hours later in the freight bay, the ship’s Captain was doing wall climbers at a harried pace. The punching bag was still swinging and her knuckles still wrapped. She finished her set and rose, breath rapid. Nausea swept over her anew, and she leaned her palms on her knees. Shepard spit nasty bile from her mouth and reached into her clothes for a hydro pod. She drained it, hoping it would settle her stomach. Fucking sleeping pills.

“Commander Shepard displaying signs of distress. Stress indicative hormones elevated, antibody and white blood cell count low. Insomnia? Recommend nutrient supplements and increased protein intake along with a sedative.” Mordin was standing behind her with his scan tool opened.

“Mordin, is this how you come onto all the ladies? Sneak up behind them and read them their stats?” She smiled and sucked down another pod.

He blinked at her twice before typing on his omni-tool. “Of course not. Salarians have very little sex drive and comparatively short lifespans. No time for pickup lines. Tend to be more forthcoming,” His lips pulled up into a grin. “One does not sleep with the Queen of Omega with bad pickup lines.”

Shepard felt her jaw hit the floor. She scrambled to regain her composure. “No… no way, you are full of shit. Not gonna play me Mordin.” 

His smile widened. “Shocking conclusion. My job is facts and data. Am not the type to be ‘Full of Shit’.” Salarians were notoriously easy to catch in a lie. He looked right at her, that little grin still affixed. 

Holy shit. Hoooooly shit, he was serious. 

“Anyway, came to discuss conclusive results on seeker swarm subject. Designing counter measure that should be ready for suit dispersal in 2 days.” He pulled up a diagram of the dissected seeker. “Measure is hormonal and technological. Should make individuals effectively invisible to swarms.”

Joker’s voice broke over the cargo bay com. “Commander, message from the Illusive Man incoming.”

Shepard looked to Mordin. “I’ve got a feeling we might need that counter measure sooner than that. Can you do it?”

He typed furiously on his tool for a moment. “It is possible.”

She nodded and spun to shrug on her N7 hoodie.

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

Shepard was scrutinizing him out of the corner of her eye while she tugged on her under suit. Did his pupils seem dilated? Jack was behind him, bouncing on the balls of her feet and stretching out her shoulders. His hawk like stare turned to meet her gaze after plugging his rifle into his back holster.

“What is it Shepard?” Came his flanging voice. “You’ve got that look.”

“We need to get you new armor.” She looked away from him.

He reached up to probe the damage at the collar of his Archangel gear. “It’s superficial.”

“Superficial? You ate a rocket. I just saw the back hole spark. Are the biometrics even working?” She turned and presented him with her back. He pulled the zipper up across her backside and to her neck.

“The shield and the medi gel dispenser are functioning. That’s all that matters.” He tapped his visor. “I don’t need biometrics.”

“Maybe you don’t but I sure will if you go down. I’m going to hafto dig through years of N training to remember how to check the pulse on a Turian.” She began clipping armor pieces to her suit. 

“Oh, I would hate to be an inconvenience to you. I’ll just make sure I don’t go down,” he said sarcastically. They glared at one another for a few moments. “What are you actually trying to say?”

She sighed. “You’re right. I’m more worried about what we are getting into here. Mordin’s countermeasure is untested, so this could be an absolute shit show that equals our death.” 

He kept staring.

“OKAY fine. Alenko is down there,” she huffed.

He sucked in a loud breath. “Kaiden? How do you know that?”

“Tim told me Cerberus clocked troops being dispatched to this colony. Alenko is the ranking officer. One of my crew known to be here? I’d bet that’s not a coincidence, for the Collectors or the Alliance. He’s here for me and so are they.” She finished snapping her last piece on and checked her weapons. 

“I’m sure they know how he felt about me, pretty sure the whole ship did after that embarrassing confession of his in the mess.” Shepard shuddered visibly. “Which means this is a power play. The Alliance will be hoping I at least respect him enough to not fucking shoot him if I have to. They don’t know me nearly well enough though. So, be ready for anything.”

“Yeah, we knew. I made a decent amount of money off of that.” Garrus rubbed his thumb absently over his bandage.

Shepard balked. “You guys bet on him telling me?” 

He nodded and pulled his mandible back in a smirk. “Wrex didn’t think he had the quad to tell you. There was too much desperation on his face when you’d walk by though, I could tell.”

The Commander rolled her eyes and spoke quietly. “We were on a mission so damn dangerous we lost more than one crewman, and he has the nerve to do that. Who had the time to even THINK like that? I sure as fuck didn’t. At that point it was hard to think about anything over the Protheans still screaming in my head.”

Garrus was quiet except for a deep thrumming from his chest,

“What’s with all the extra noises? That an Archangel thing?” She turned toward him, sheathing her shotgun. 

“What are you talking about?” He looked at her quizzically.

“You! You are growling for Christ’s sake.” Shepard motioned at him. The noise halted.

“You… can hear that?” His mandible sucked in and fluttered. Surprise.

“Yeah, Miranda said I’m loaded with upgrades. Hearing was one of them. Have you always made these noises?”

“Yes, our sub vocal tones are part of our language. Humans can’t usually hear most of them, though. I had no idea, you should have said something sooner.”

“What, when you were lying on the operating table?”

He paused. “Point taken.”

“Are you two lovebirds ready yet? I’d like to kick some ass over here,” Jack yelled from the inside of the shuttle.

“Lovebirds?” He fixed his gaze back on her.

“Oh, yeah, Jack probably thinks we are having sex.” Shepard strode away.

“Wait, why, what did you say to her?!” He called.

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

Planet side was going better than she expected. She needed to remember to get Mordin something. She wasn’t sure what Salarian’s liked, but he deserved an award for being pressured into getting the counter measure done faster than he intended. The swarms were staying away. Only every now and then would a rogue seeker bounce off of her shields. Each time was a hair-raising experience, but so far so good. 

No sign yet of Alenko or any Alliance soldiers... the only thing she could think was that the seeker swarms had gotten to them. A man she found hiding in a bunker did confirm they had been planetside. Shepard could feel the guilt setting in her stomach. At least they interrupted the Collectors long enough that some colonists had not been abducted, and instead were still there, frozen in stasis. 

Her team was doing well, she and Garrus fell into their old habits like time hadn’t passed at all. It was a mental boost she desperately needed, a few moments of normal banter and his amazing shooting. Jack was an indomitable force, taking out entire groups of Collectors while EDI was calibrating the Alliance’s most useless gift of all time. Who sets up planetary defense turrets and doesn’t calibrate them to work? There were husks present, but they seemed different from the ones Saren used. They had seen no dragon’s teeth either. Other than flying, which was a nasty surprise, the Collectors weren’t any more difficult than a typical Geth unit. Shepard was enjoying herself, darting around and flaying the insects as they landed. Until one of them spoke. To her. By name. Suddenly she couldn’t pretend it was old times anymore.

“You escaped us before, Shepard, not again. I am the harbinger of your ascendence,” a drone she was locked in melee with said with an eerie deep voice.

Every pore on her body pulled taught. “It really is them. They are working for _them_.”

Behind her, Garrus’ rifle report cracked, and the drone disappeared in a cloud. The body slumped on the Commander, spattering her with its blood.

“What are you going on about?” Jack came over the com.

“They are working for the Reapers,” the Turian spat.

Shepard stood frozen on the battlefield. 

Another drone began speaking. “You cannot kill me, Shepard. You will regret your resistance.” It pointed towards her. “Preserve Shepard’s body if possible.” 

The field became pandemonium. A wave of drones and human husks were on her in a heartbeat, and she could barely make out the shouts of her teammates over her own labored breathing. Scions were launching warps across the field. She cut her way free of the horde and Jack let loose a shock wave to push everything back.

“Good luck, Harbinger. I will make sure there is nothing left of me when I take you to hell!” The Commander screamed as she biotically blazed forward into the husks, her omni-blade a streak of orange as she sliced through them. Garrus was yelling something angrily in the com as a massive shadow loomed over her. She looked up. Hovering above her was a giant techno bug covered in writhing husk faces. There was a change in air pressure around it, and a humming sound grew louder.

Shiiiit!

Shepard threw herself to the side just as a beam burst out of the creature. It singed the grass and vaporized the husks and scions around where she had been standing. Wow, so much for preserving her body. She tried to roll as it swiveled its head towards her, but a crawling husk had her legs pinned. Jack and Garrus were screaming in her helmet. The beam went off and all the Commander could do was throw glowing arms up in front of herself. 

She blinked. The smell of burning ozone was strong as she sucked in. Her shield alarm was piercingly loud, but she was alive! Her armor was smoking, but she jumped to her feet and dove for cover.

Jack was behind the crates, panting. “Holy shit, Shep! You just shielded yourself!”

“Is that what happened?” The soldier was checking her ablative plates as her suit recharged. She could hear Garrus’s shots and the beam noise again.

The biotic stood to unleash her shotgun and powers on the large bug. “Yeah, it looked like it.” 

As Shepard peeked back over the boxes, a concussion grenade went off and brought the thing out of the air. 

“You mean it looked completely stupid. Since when do you just charge a full-blown horde, Shepard?” Garrus replied.

The N7 pulled her SMG to waylay the downed creature. All three were hammering it with gunfire and incendiary rounds.

“Now, now, Vakarian, I’ll only be accepting constructive criticism if my charging gets me killed.”

He was unusually quiet. Normally there would be a witty comeback. Instead, he threw another grenade just as the thing was struggling to lift back into the air. After another volley from the three, it stayed down. Jack and Garrus moved opposites along the perimeter of the battlefield, flushing out the stragglers while Shepard bent to catch her breath and examine the large mechanical bug. 

Finally, the GUARDIAN lasers ignited, lighting up the gargantuan Collector ship. It took just a few crippling blasts before blazing engines came on to burn the atmosphere. The hot wind of its liftoff swirled around the three Normandy crew.

“Approximately one third of the colonists are onboard the Collector vessel, Shepard,” EDI’s smooth tone rang over the communication line 

“Thank you, EDI. Joker, once the Collector vessel is clear of the system, send the shuttle back down with Mordin, Dr. Chakwas, and Miranda please. The people left will need help, and Mordin will want as many samples as he can get.” She rolled a drone body over with her foot. 

“Roger that, Commander.” the pilot answered.

The man from the warehouse came running up as the ship disappeared from sight. “NO! Don’t let them get away! They’ve got the entire colony on there!” 

“We just killed hundreds of these bugs, what more do you want me to do? Put my Nikes on and run after it?” Shepard took her helmet off and picked up a long beam weapon a drone had dropped.

“Half the colony was in there! They even took Lilith!” He continued ranting.

Jack came jogging up. “HEY, if it weren't for us and Shepard, every one of you would be on that thing.”

The man swiveled to look at her. “Shepard? I know that name… you are some big Alliance hero.”

A familiar voice caused her to snap her head up. “She is Commander Shepard, Captain of the Normandy, first Human Spector, and the Savior of the Citadel. You are in the presence of a legend, Delan. And a ghost.”

Kaiden.

Despite the dubious circumstances of his presence, the relief she felt that he was alive was palpable. There he stood with a ring of Alliance soldiers behind him. He didn’t look any different from the last time she had seen him, disappearing behind an emergency pod door.

“All the good people taken, and you get left behind. Figures. I’m done with you Alliance types.” The man took his hat off as he walked away. Kaiden watched him for a moment before moving uncomfortably close. He put a hand out to her elbow and immediately tugged her into a crushing hug.

“Shepard… I thought… you were dead. We all did.” He didn’t sound heartbroken like Garrus had, he seemed a bit... upset? A few terse moments passed before he finally let go.

“Somehow, you don’t seem happy to see me, Lieutenant.” She took a wary half step back from him while eyeing the men behind him.

“Yeah, something is bothering me. I spent the last two years thinking you were dead! I was in love with you... it tore me apart! How.... Why didn’t you contact me? Couldn’t you at least let me know you were alive?” 

Shepard was so taken aback it felt like her head had spun around backwards. “Whether or not you believe me, I was spaced Kaiden! I wasn’t off on a pleasure cruise. I woke up in a Cerberus lab! Dead people can’t write emails. Your feelings were one sided. We spoke about it. I don't want or need you to push your shit onto me like I owe you anything!” The Commander stood as tall as she could, just slightly below his eye level, and jabbed him in the chest plate once for good measure.

He took a step backwards and his eyes flitted back and forth over her head. Garrus must be standing behind her again.

“Cerberus lab? You were an experiment?” She could nearly see the cogs turning in his head. The Normandy shuttle swooped in overhead and landed 60 ft away in the clearing near the starport. The soldiers raised their weapons.

“Whoa whoa they are with me, that shuttle came from my ship.” Shepard brought up both of her hands and stood between the troops and her teammates. Kaiden motioned his men to lower their weapons. Mordin was the first out and made a beeline to a Collector body as if he hadn’t even seen the soldiers. To her surprise, Miranda, Grunt, and Zaeed came next. The XO strode purposefully straight to her side as Chakwas disembarked, holding her med kit.

“Is there a problem here, Commander?” The Cerberus operative was staring the Lieutenant down. The Doctor walked up much more calmly.

“Lt. Alenko, surprising to see you here.” Karin’s accented voice didn’t sound even remotely interested.

Kaiden was busy studying both women’s uniforms and the shuttle’s blatant Cerberus logo. He rotated to glower at Shepard. “You’re with them. And you, Karin? Garrus, I’m not surprised - he’d follow even a clone of her to hell - but you? I can’t believe it.” Shepard felt like someone had punched her in the gut. He thought she was a clone.

“You arrogant bastard!” Garrus was in his face fast as lightning, hauling the LT up by his hard suit collar. The soldiers had their weapons up again. “It IS her and you are damn right I’ll be backing her up, the last time I left, YOU let her die!” 

Grunt, Zaeed, Miranda and even Jack stood up from the totes she was leaning against to pull weapons. 

Shock was blatant on Kaiden’s face for only a split second before his eyebrows drew together. He pulled his pistol on the growling Turian. “Oh, it’s my fault now? You let Joker have it at the docks, now it’s me, I hope Liara was next! You need to deal with your own guilt issues, Garrus.”

“ENOUGH. I’m not here for this dick wagging contest!” Shepard pushed in between both men. “I’m here to stop the Collectors from rounding up every goddamn Human in the Terminus! I don’t answer to Cerberus, and I don’t give a fuck if it’s Cerberus funding or Alliance funding, but at least the terrorist group is working to do SOMETHING to help these people! Those guns and your little pity marine team are the only movement the Alliance has made to care at all.”

“I can’t believe the reports were right,” Kaiden muttered. 

“You knew I’d be here. All of you were hiding, what? Watching me do what should be your dirty work for you? Can’t even help your fellow Humans!” Shepard screamed at them.

“You’ve turned your back on everything we believed in Shepard! You’ve betrayed the Alliance... you’ve betrayed me.” He kept his pistol trained on her chest.

“Oh that’s a laugh, I’ve betrayed the Alliance?! I’m not sitting back watching people get kidnapped like you all just did! I hope you feel fucking ashamed! Get over yourself Kaiden. This is about more than Cerberus, you all saw it yourselves! The Collectors are kidnapping entire colonies, and they are working for the Reapers.”

“How do you know Cerberus isn’t using the Reapers to manipulate you? What if they are behind it? How did they know this colony was next? They could be the ones working for the Collectors!”

“Dammit Kaiden, you are so focused on Cerberus you’re ignoring the actual threat!” Garrus' flanging voice sent vibrations through her back. She could feel the growl he spoke with.

“Look at his face, Garrus, he isn’t here to listen. Why don’t you just get on with what you are actually here for Kaiden?” The Commander spat.

“You’ve changed. But I still know where my loyalties lie. Commander Shepard, you are under arrest for treason, conspiracy, and desertion.” The Lieutenant pulled out a set of omni cuffs.

Shepard laughed. “Under Alliance authority and not your own hurt feelings, I assume?” He just glared at her. “And what did they say about Council authority? I’m sure a reinstated Specter has free rein to ally with whoever she wants. How about I just let you and these boys leave alive to go back and tell the Admirals that even the Council is doing their job better than they are,” she pulled her own pistol.

The entire group hesitated, all guns stayed out, waiting for orders.

“See reason, Kaiden. With Specter Authority, the Alliance doesn’t have a leg to stand on and you know it. If they don’t know yet, it’s a simple mistake. If they do, then they are just trying to save face over their reluctant poster girl’s alignments. Think about it. Why would they send _you_ specifically? Shouldn’t an N7 have been their first choice? They are betting on our connection making me cooperate without a scene.”

“You know better than anyone that Specter’s are not fool proof Shepard. They make mistakes. Sometimes big ones.” He lowered his gun and his subordinates followed. 

“Yeah? Well, find your proof of my heinous wrong doings, convince the Council of my guilt, become a Specter and come get me yourself, Kaiden,” she turned away and sheathed her weapon. “Mordin, are you done?” 

The Salarian’s head popped up from behind the big mechanical bug. “Yes, Shepard.”

“Let’s get out of here, guys. I’m sick of this colony. We can leave the clean-up to the people who should do it. Sorry to waste your time, Doctor Chakwas.” She started the walk back to the shuttle with her crew at her side.

“Oh, I don’t think it was a waste.” She motioned to Shepard’s side where a long trail of blood went from her chest plate to nearly her knee.

The ride back was hushed except for Mordin and Chakwas’ muttering about her injuries. Until Jack couldn’t help herself anymore.

“Sooooo... who was Private Douchebag?”

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

Garrus had been asleep for almost twelve hours when Shepard pinged him to prepare for Horizon. His waking nightmares and exhaustion had made taking a second dose of painkillers sound like a lovely idea at the time. But now, he still couldn't keep his eyes open even after all that time. He knew he shouldn’t have but he still had a small stash of stims in his armor… and he really didn’t want to leave Shepard on his first available mission out. If he didn’t watch her back who would, on an entire ship of Cerberus crewmen and mercenaries? Shepard had been in the med bay and dealing with the Illusive man since their return from Horizon, and he was in the darkness of his bunk. He couldn’t stop his mind wandering and the whirlwind of emotions the uppers had left him with.

He didn’t regret it at all, it was exactly the thing he needed to get himself going and it was a damn good thing he made that decision. He wasn’t sure if it was her newfound biotic abilities or what, but he had never seen her charge into battle so recklessly. It was all he could do to keep anything off of her. His nerves were so frayed by the middle of the fight - the stim starting to wear off wasn’t even an option. He’d taken a 2nd one. That was before the giant… husk… bug had come down on her. Spirits, he’d thought she was gone for sure as she laid there during that blast. In his mind's eye, all he could see was her small helpless form splayed on the ground...then that same small body suffocating alone in space. No. He was here this time, he wouldn’t let it end the same way.

Stim induced rage and fear were already simmering just below his surface before Kaiden made an appearance… so blaming Kaiden for “letting” her die wasn’t one of his finer moments. Sitting in his bunk, Garrus dropped his head into his palms. Damn, he had said something similar to Joker too, when the survivors made it back to the Citadel. He could still remember the pilot sitting at the docks, cradling his right arm and staring blankly ahead with red rimmed eyes. Garrus found out later that it had been Shepard who’d broken his arm hauling him to the escape pod. The one she never made it into. 

He, Wrex, Tali, and Liara were some of the few outsiders allowed into Shepard’s Alliance funeral. He had felt the pomp and circumstance of a human soldier’s burial was a bit odd. Caskets and flags were quite a ways from Turian pyres and Spirit ceremonies. Humans seemed like masochists, they just left the body out for viewing? He found himself actually relieved her casket was empty since her body had not been recovered. The gun salute was chillingly similar though. It had been broadcast live across the galaxy and the number of Citadel civilians of all species that lined the halls of the station in solemn remembrance had been touching as the casket was paraded through the station to the docks to be buried on Earth. Anderson’s grief had been real. Garrus knew they’d been close. The Council’s involvement, however, had been just as bad as presenting your tongue to your superior. Wait, what did human’s call it? ‘A slap in the face’. That Tevos felt it was her place at all to say anything - especially since it had been her and Spartaus who had denounced Shepard as a panic inducing delusional who had merely misunderstood Saren’s alignment with the Geth and the ‘advanced Geth ship” that had attacked the Citadel on the Turian Specter’s orders - had gotten under his plates something awful. 

The badmouthing and downplaying of all of their work, HER work,in the months after her death made that year of pursuing Saren meaningless. The next celebrity scandal happened and life went back to normal. Nothing he nor her teammates said or did could bring any sense of urgency about the Reapers to light. He had failed her completely, hadn’t been there when she’d been killed, hadn’t been able to convince the galaxy that the Reapers were coming, and he watched her legacy crumble into dust. 

His Specter training felt hollow and meaningless, so he quit. C-Sec had been even more of a useless noose after Shepard, so he’d left that too, to go back to Palaven to spend time with his family. Garrus’s Mother, Lateia, had been ever her understanding self, a loving ear to complain to. His Father and sister however, couldn't understand his malcontent. Solana had really given it her all, but his Father, Castis, hadn’t been happy to see him leave C-Sec to follow an erstwhile Specter in the first place. The man had always been controlling and opinionated, especially of his children. So even in his home, Garrus had remained an outcast… then the family began to notice his Mother’s declining health. She received a diagnosis of Corpalis Syndrome, and nothing could be done. 

Remorse, shame, and impotence in the face of death, politics, and disease drove him to Omega, a place he could actually accomplish some good and maybe regain some honor. He didn’t go there with a suicide wish, but he admitted that if that was the result, then so be it. But Omega had only highlighted his failings and betrayed him, in the end.

Garrus felt scaldingly hot under his plates, like his very blood was circulating his anger. Remembering what the Council had done to Shepard, how he’d found out about her demise on the news like everyone else, Kaiden’s words on Horizon, his mother's decline, Shepard’s smoking armor after that beam, and Lantar Sidonis’ last cowardly actions - it was all revolving furiously in his head. He was pacing across the battery, jaw aching. Taking twice what he should of his pain meds, a round in the cargo hold gym while they took effect, and hours of unconsciousness sounded lovely. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally getting into the meat and potatoes! This has really been so much fun to write. Right now I'm working on ME3 and going back to edit and post these early things really shows how far Fem Shep and Garrus have come. And have to go still. Thanks for making it this far down, I really hope you will continue enjoying this like I have. <3 I appreciate you all very much!


	6. Chapter 6

Shepard strode quickly through the mess hall and towards the forward battery. Oddly, the lights were off, even though the door had been unlocked. 

“Garrus?” she called softly. No answer. Huh. She looked at her omni-tool. A weird time for him to be asleep. The string of mysteries forced her further into the room. The Commander found him in the back corner of the gun, laying on his cot, facing away from her. She sat on the edge and touched his shoulder gently.

“Garrus, are you okay?” He didn’t stir. Warnings went off in her head. “Garrus?” She shook him harder, and he took in a long deep breath.

“Mmhm?” The Turian turned over and regarded her blearily. “Shepard? What’s wrong?” His mouth didn’t form the words particularly well.

“Oh thank god, you were just asleep. Sorry to bother you, Garrus. Usually, the door opening would wake you up, so I got worried.” She looked away sheepishly and stood up.

He sat up and grabbed her arm before she moved too far. “No, it’s fine. I’ve been taking pain medication... you needed me for something? Is something wrong?”

“No, nothing is wrong. I just came to tell you we picked up a distress call from Haestrom, and you’ll never guess who it’s from.”

Garrus blinked slowly. Answered too slowly. How many doses did he take? “Who?”

“One Tali’Zorah nar Rayya.”

“What is Tali doing on Haestrom? Isn’t that a Geth stronghold?”

“I’ve no idea, but we will find out. We will be there in seventeen hours. I guess be ready for anything?” She stood again. “Go back to sleep. Hopefully you can metabolize those drugs in time because you are really out of it.” She couldn’t make out more than his outline in the darkness.

His mumbled, unintelligible reply didn’t change that conclusion.

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

“I’m not asking permission, Commander, my job is to protect Tali. This is our best shot!” The nitwit stood. Shepard saw red for a moment, grabbed the Quarian by his hooded suit, and dragged him sideways back behind cover. She took a nice couple of rounds that dropped her shields for the effort too. 

“You fucking idiot! You can’t protect anyone if you are dead! Stay here, stay in cover. We can more than handle that colossus.” She moved right into his face, helmet to helmet. 

“I will not sit here while you run into enemy fire! They killed my whole squad!” 

“You are going to get ME killed if I have to go out there and worry about your injured ass while I fight!” she spat.

He darted his head around in obvious frustration. “Fine. We do it your way. Hit them for me, Commander. Keelah Se’lai.”

Shepard hunched her shoulder to give him a view of her new favorite toy, the Cain clipped onto her back. “Don’t you worry, soldier. I’m gonna hit them hard enough that they will feel it back in time.” She winked before turning to her squad mates. “Okay, Garrus, you know the drill. Grunt you are with me, we go left. I will focus that colossus, you keep the rest of them off of me. Move out.”

They spread out as instructed, and Shepard vaulted over the barrier where she’d found the lone remaining Quarian soldier hiding. Tali was on the other side of the courtyard, barricaded inside a building, so all they needed to do was plow through this regiment of Geth troops, and get her and her guard out of there before more drop ships showed up. The Commander couldn’t be more proud of her Krogan; Grunt had done an outstanding job keeping his shields up despite the damaging sun. She’d seen him wait for them to recharge before darting back out into fire. He was a fast learner, and didn’t need any training for the actual fighting. Just the team tactics portion. She and Garrus had settled once again into their usual comfortable routines together, but he’d been awful twitchy, he had even yelled at her once for charging into a group of Geth troopers. His lack of return banter and surly quiet had made her reel in her devil-may-care attitude a bit. She glanced up at him positioned high on the right hand side of the courtyard. He really would not like her next move. 

She and Grunt traded forward position back and forth as they worked their way down the ledge, both shotgunning troopers. Move, shoot, cover, next person - move, shoot, cover. Her Krogan got into a nasty, too close for comfort situation with a Prime unit that uncloaked in front of them, but he laughed gleefully before Garrus took it down with a well aimed round. Their sniper had cleared the middle, where only a few stragglers remained - and Shepard had a perfect view of the colossus' ass from behind a crate. 

“Garrus, can you hit that thing with an overload on my mark? Grunt, switch back to disruptor and move up behind that crate in front of me. We will hammer that shield. Ready?” There were no protests, and Grunt passed by her to her left. “3, 2, 1, mark.” Shepard jumped up first to draw its fire, and the three man team lit their target up. The machine’s shields dropped a few seconds in, and it folded into its protective maintenance position. The Commander stood up on her tote to get a good angle, focused her biotics, and lunged through the air into the mechanical creature. She bounced painfully off of its shoulder plates with a cry. The plating dented and pushed inward, which forced the colossus to unfold itself. As it reared its hooked head, it fired at her. Shepard rolled to her side, took a few deflected rounds, and then stood to sprint back to the tote. Three steps in, and the thing already had her shields down. Four rounds hit their mark, burying into her armor plating, but she made it back behind her cover. 

“What the fuck, Shepard?!” Garrus came over the com. 

Yeah, she figured he’d have something to say about that. And this. “Grunt with me, fast!”

The colossus stepped forward, firing after them while they ran along the left side cover. Shepard pointed at some sturdy looking rock cover with a pile of metal crates in front of it. “There!” The Krogan obeyed. She turned to face the thing. Garrus’s rifle chipped away at its armor. Sometimes, she missed the mako. A lot. She crouched half hidden from its turret and pulled The Cain from her back. She hit the priming switches, causing its end to open, spin, and glow. Perfect, whoever designed it had a flair for drama. Shepard shouldered it and focused down its digital scope at their target. The ready meter was slower than molasses, and she cursed as rounds flew by her. Agonizing seconds crawled by as the meter finally filled, and she let fly a silent round, even as the recoil jarred her harmed shoulder.

Well, it was quiet, right up until it hit the colossus. The enormous explosion sent a dust cloud rocketing a hundred meters into the sky, and even from this range, the sound garbled her helmet audio dampeners, and rang through her head. The wind it caused curbed hotly against her form. It burned a round ball of light into her retinas long after it dissipated to reveal a pile of metal scraps where the Geth had been. The courtyard went still.

“Holy shit,” someone spoke. She vaguely registered that it was herself. 

Grunt broke out in raucous laughter. 

“Spirits,” Garrus murmured.

Grunt pulled his helmet off to wipe his face. A tear? Did Krogan cry? “Can I have one Shepard?”

“I’m not sure there IS another one. But I’ll let you fire it.” She walked over and leaned an elbow on his hunched form, panting.

Garrus walked up a few minutes later, and without a word, dialed up her suit readout on her back.

“I’m fine. Just some grazing and a little medigel.” She unlatched her helmet and pulled it free. He sighed in response.

The Quarian limped up to them. “What in the galaxy was that explosion?” 

Shepard leaned forward onto Grunt. “I said we wouldn’t have any trouble with that colossus.” His glowing eyes widened behind his mask. “What’s your name, soldier?”

“Kal’Reegar, Ma’am. Tali told me a lot about you, and it seems like you live up to your legend.” He cradled his side with his arm.

Shepard waved her hand. “Ah, I get lucky with cool hardware and great teammates. Speaking of, let’s go get our damsel in distress, boys.” She clapped him on his shoulder harder than she meant to.

They all walked to the tower entrance together, keeping pace with the injured Kal’Reegar. Her Turian had removed his lid in the building's shadow and glowered at her.

“Come on Garrus, stop being a sourpuss and tell me how awesome that was.” The Commander poked him in the side.

“Oh yes, so awesome. Those bullet holes are great decorations.” He paused. “Though, the Cain gets you some style points.” His good mandible waved in and out. Still agitated, but at least participating in their typical banter. “I think it was brilliant!” Grunt slammed his two meaty fists together.

Shepard smiled as the door opened for them. “Ooh, death or no death, I still got it! Impressed someone at least.” She stepped forward to scan the immobile Geth in the room for anything salvageable.

Tali stood at a terminal at the back of the room. “Just let me finish this download.”

“Aw Tali, you wound me. This is the part of the story where the damsel leaps into the hero’s arms!” She bent to pull a memory core and power core out of two exoskeletons.

“You Humans have the most questionable media,” she snorted and turned. “Garrus!?” Her head swiveled to the form behind him. “Garrus, I’m so glad to see you, I was afraid you were dead! You should have at least answered an email! Shepard, how did you find him? He’s been MIA for over a year!” She was obviously glaring at the Turian despite the fog of her helmet.

Garrus never got the chance to defend himself as Kal limped up next to him.

“Reegar, you made it!” The Quarian rushed over to the soldier’s hunched form and began scanning him with her omni-tool.

“I’m okay, Ma’am. No need to worry. Your old Captain is as good as you said. That colossus didn't stand a chance,” Kal interrupted.

Tali’s eyes met hers. “I assume that explosion was you?”

“Guilty as charged. Now, mind telling me what are all of you doing out here?” Shepard plugged a dropped Geth pulse rifle onto her back.

Tali shook her head violently and blew out a frustrated breath. “This entire mission has been a disaster. I wish I had joined you back on Freedom’s Progress, but I won’t let anyone take my place on anything this risky.” She pulled up a scan on the system's sun and displayed the holo. “Haestrom’s sun is destabilizing. Back when this was a Quarian colony it was a normal star. This shouldn’t be happening this quickly.”

“Any idea why?”

“If I had to guess, I would say it is dark energy affecting the interior of the star. But Haestrom’s sun is far too young for this to be natural.”

“I passed a lot of bodies. Was the data worth it?”

“I don’t know, Shepard. It wasn’t my call.” Tali wrung her hands. “The Admiralty board felt the information here was worth sacrificing all of our lives for. I have to believe they know what is best.” 

“I didn’t ask what some Admiral thought. What do you think?”

Tali hummed. “The price is too high. Too many died here. Some were my friends and all of them were good at their jobs.”

“Well, whatever the reason I’m glad I came to help. I could still use you on the Normandy, Tali. Her engine isn’t the same without you,” Shepard said.

“The Normandy?” Tali must have thought she was nuts for a second because she looked over at Garrus, who nodded. 

“SR2. Cerberus rebuilt her, good as new and bigger this time. Plenty of room for another engineer.” Shepard crossed her arms.

“I promised to see this mission through, and I did. I can leave with you and send the data back to the Fleet. If the Admirals have a problem with it they can go to hell. I just watched my entire team die.” Tali’s shoulders slumped.

“I’ll tell the Admiralty board what happened and make sure the data gets back, Tali.” Kal’Reegar intoned. He turned to Shepard. “Keep her safe, Commander.”

“That's my intention. Do you need a ride back to the Flotilla?”

“The Geth didn’t damage our ship. As long as I leave before more reinforcements show up, I’ll be fine.”

Shepard stuck out her hand to him. He peered at it hesitantly, not quite understanding, before offering his own. “Take care and good luck, Kal.”

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

The crash was coming. Every muscle ached, even his plates hurt. Garrus was sitting at a weapons bench in the armory cleaning Shepard’s beloved shotgun. Maybe it was more accurate to say he was sitting at the bench staring at the disassembled pieces of Shepard’s beloved shotgun. He ran a hand over his bandage as the door to the hall hissed open. He figured it was Jacob coming back, he didn’t turn to look. Lighter footfalls broke him out of his concentration. A scent of salt, soil, and an overlay of something sweet and musky filled the room.

 _Shepard_.

He twisted his head to watch her. She stood in the doorway looking about as shocked as he felt, wearing her under suit. He couldn’t stop it, even though he was already mentally chastising himself - his gaze dropped to her waist for a moment. Garrus tried to recall how many times he had seen her in it. More than he could count on the SR1; before and after missions; on assignment addressing injuries (She’d had some nasty burns from the thorian’s thralls. Why Humans possessed such unprotected skin made little evolutionary sense. Even Salarians had a hardier dermis.) Had she always looked like…. _that_? His detective instincts pushed through the crashing stimulant mist as he eyed the ratio between the apex of her hips and the thinnest part of her waistline, comparing and contrasting to SR1 Shepard.

Wait, what was happening here? Had he gotten so desperate? Up to this point, he’d been a man of only Turian tastes. Sure, he’d had more important things on his mind over the last few years. Death, honor, justice, disease, and now Collectors, to name a few. But just because his life had been a wreck didn’t give him the right to think of his best friend that way. She stood there, shifting her weight back and forth between her feet. That’s a nervous thing for Humans. He was making her uncomfortable! He was making himself uncomfortable. Shepard had a new habit of spinning that ornament of hers, too. He saw her tongue working the silver hoop from behind her lips. It wasn’t his first time seeing facial jewelry, most species wore some form of it. On her though? Where it sat in the very middle of her bottom lip and dimpled into the pillowy skin? Somehow it was endlessly distracting. Damn, how long had his sub-vocals been doing that?! It was impossible to remember she could hear them now. He squelched the noise. 

“Garrus?” She spoke softly.

“Hm?” _Scholarly answer Vakarian_. 

“I apologize. You spend all your time locked up in the battery. I am just surprised is all. I didn't mean to insult you.”

Damn, he had totally missed whatever it was she’d said. And she thought his rumblings had meant it upset him. “It’s fine Shepard. You can’t out-do ‘cockatiel’ anyway. I’ll have you know I looked that up afterwards and I’m still offended.”

Her mouth pulled into a sideways smirk that showed a row of small flat teeth. There we go, back to normal.

“Aw, sorry not-sorry Big Guy. Turians are totally cockatiels.”

He huffed. “If by cockatiel you mean a large, scary, intimidating, ruthless, naturally armored, and dashing sniper who is not at all like a fluffy, talking pet - then yes. You are right. Totally like your planet’s cockatiel.”

“Okay, I concede. I shouldn’t make fun of you when you are so kindly working on my weapon there. You know Jacob takes care of that though, right? I don’t expect you to be pulling double duty in the battery and the armory.” She stepped forward to get a better look over his shoulder. 

“I’m aware, but I’m more at ease if Cerberus isn’t the only one touching our weapons. Just being cautious.” He picked the barrel up and resumed pushing the round brush through it. She leaned against him. At this angle he couldn’t see her face without tipping his head up. 

“Since you are still wearing that, I assume you haven’t even showered yet? What are you doing in here?” He asked.

“I came to bring Jacob my chest piece again. The seals still arn’t right after that big damn bug got me. Annnd I figure since seals got me killed once I’d better be picky about them. The gear I burned up in was Kassa Fabrications - I want a new set by them. I wonder if I should contact them to do an endorsement? That Cerberus had any remains to retrieve is just a testament to their craftsmanship. Everyone should wear it!”

Garrus tilted his head to give her a very unamused stare. “That is not even remotely funny Shepard.”

“I’m being serious! I’d gladly do it. Imagine it, my picture on all their packaging, ‘I’m Commander Shepard, and I blazed through atmo and sorta lived to tell about it! Buy Kassa!’”

“Spirits, Shep. Really,” he gave an exasperated sigh and set down the pieces in his hands. She stayed silent for a few minutes so he resumed his task.

“Garrus, what happened to you down there?” She spoke so quietly his translator did not pick up half the sentence. He dropped the shotgun barrel, and it clattered loudly as it rolled across the table.“Don’t answer that. I won’t pry. I wasn’t going to say anything as per her wish, but now I feel like it’s not fair if I dont. I received an email…” She moved a few steps behind him and turned her back towards him. “From someone named Nalah Butler.”

He slid his stool back and stood abruptly.

“Garrus,” she began.

“Shepard, there’s nothing you can say to fix it.” His tone lowered, warning.

Like usual, Shepard ignored all warnings and forged ahead. “Garrus, stop beating yourself up. There’s no way it was your fault!” She turned towards him.

“You weren’t there. You know nothing.”

“I know what I saw when I pulled you out of there: I saw my best friend resigned to his death. I saw the sheets. I know what I’m seeing now.”

“I’ve got diagnostics I should run.” He didn't look at her before abandoning the workstation and striding out the door. 

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

He was definitely abusing the stims and now the pain killers too. Shepard sighed and stretched her arms above her head before leaning them on the railing in front of her. Not that she didn’t understand. Not that she herself hadn’t had to get clean. Past the railing she looked out over the pearlescent capital city of Illium, Nos Astra. The metropolis sprawled away from the spaceport in all directions, a line of buildings unbroken all the way to a green mountain range in the distance. A translucent fog was rolling along to blanket the silver and white skyscrapers. The setting sun lit the rolling clouds a magnificent gold, refracting up from the ground to illuminate the intermittent raindrops beginning to fall over the city. The sky car traffic whined above her, vehicles darting back and forth. The Commander lifted her face to the meandering droplets and closed her eyes. She tried to focus on what they needed here, pushing away the memory of Garrus’s tense expression as he stormed out of the armory, and what his using had dredged up of her own past memories. Somewhere planet-side was an assassin and a Justicar, ripe for the picking. So to speak.

Shepard turned to rest her elbows on the railing and flicked open her tool. No return message yet from Liara. Hm. She was also somewhere here in Nos Astra. A cool breeze coiled over the city from the mountains and the sunlight glinting off the wet hull of the Normandy pulled her from her messages. The ship was a beauty. Bigger than the original, but with the same sexy curves of the bow and wings. Some of her crewmen were ambling along the dock, talking animatedly, making plans for their two day shore leave, no doubt. Her lip corners turned up as her date emerged from the Normandy and hurried down the ramp from the airlock.

“There’s my favorite shopping partner! What took so long?” Shepard called.

“I’m sorry Shepard! I got a last minute requisition list from Abby.” Tali’s lilting, modulated voice washed over her.

Movement caught the Commander’s eye. She swiveled to watch an Asari with two security mechs in tow walk up the docking platform towards them. The woman was a periwinkle blue, wearing the typical long bodycon the Asari so liked. She came to a halt in front of them.

“Commander Shepard, welcome to Nos Astra.” She bowed. “I’ve been instructed to waive all docking and administration fees for this visit. My name is Careena, and if you need information about the area, it would be my pleasure to assist you.”

Shepard stood up off the railing. “Who instructed you to waive the fees?”

“The order came from Liara T’Soni.” Careena pulled up her omni-tool. “She also asked me to direct you to speak with her at your convenience. Her office is near the trading floor at the markets.”

The Commander’s tool pinged with the info packet. “Thanks for your help. I’ll go see her.”

The Asari bowed a second time. “Again, welcome to our city Commander, it's an honor. Please enjoy your stay.”

As the women left, Shepard turned to her friend. “You up to saying hi before we get to the provisions?”

The Quarian nodded. “Of course! It’s been years since I’ve seen Liara.”

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

“Liara!” The grin that split Shepard’s face was large as her friend whirled around from the holo vid terminal in her office.

The pale blue Asari’s eyes were enormous. “Goddess! Shepard, it's really you!” She jumped at her suddenly as she stepped close. The Commander caught her with a laugh. “Shepard, I'm so happy to see you, I can’t believe it!” Liara buried her face in her shoulder, sniffing, arms wrapped tightly around her neck. 

The soldier leaned, lifting her friend from the ground slightly. “Hey now, no tears. I’m sure you already did plenty of that, right?”

Liara pulled her head up and wiped her face with the heel of her hand. “More than plenty,” The woman snapped her gaze over the N7s back. “Tali!” she breathed.

The Quarian stepped up and threw her arms around them both with a giggle that was contagious. “Yes! The girl group is back together again!” 

Ah, the nickname Shepard had given them back on the SR1. All here, except for Ashley. Her absence still tugged at her stomach, causing a sinking feeling.

“Shepard even found Garrus!” Tali spoke happily.

“And you didn’t bring him with you?” The Asari fixed her azure gaze on the Commander. 

You could _hear_ the smirk Tali repressed. “Oh, they are having a fight at the moment.” 

Shepard rolled her eyes. “Why is that so amusing to everyone?”

Liara folded her arms. “Because you’ve never fought before. You are always on the same page, attached at the hip, in perfect formation,”

“Okay, okay I get it. That's what happens when one of you spends too much time dead and the other spends too much time on Omega.” Shepard grumbled.

“Goddess, he was on Omega…” Liara paused then gasped. “He was Archangel!”

Shepherd’s brows raised. “Huh, you heard about him? Yeah that was his handy work.”

Liara shook her head. “How could I not? Shipments between here and Omega for the gangs were a wreck for a while. I figured they had killed him when things started running smoothly. It certainly fits his MO.” She shook her head again. “He was Archangel, and you are here. I still can’t believe it.” She motioned to the chairs in front of her desk. “My sources said you were alive… but it was so hard to believe. I half suspected it was a cruel prank and I was messaging some bot this whole time.”

Shepard quirked an eyebrow. “You have sources now?”

The Asari nodded with a soft smile. “Yes, sources, contacts, even a little hired muscle. I’ve been working as an information broker since… well, for the last two years.”

It wasn’t hard to notice how her friends tip-toed around the subject of her death.

“But now you’re back, gunning for the Collectors with Cerberus. If you ever need information, please ask.” Liara leaned back with her palms splayed on the desk.

“Now that you mention it, I could use some. I’ve got dossiers for people to round out my ground squad, and two are here. Samara, a Justicar -whatever that is - and an assassin named Thane Krios. Oh, and last but not least I’m looking to fill an Asari archeologist sized hole on the ship, know anyone?” Shepard slouched into the chair, knees akimbo.

Liara smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes. That was gonna be a no. “I’m sorry Shepard, as much as I want to go with you, I just can't abandon what I’m doing right now. I’m working hard to find someone. I can tell you a bit about the other two though. Justicars are extremely rare, and even more so outside of Asari controlled space. Her presence caught my eye. She arrived and registered with Tracking Officer Dara. Be careful, Shepard. Justicar’s serve a moral code that is very black and white, and they are powerful. They pursue and kill their perception of evil with no hesitation. Dara is located at the transportation hub. As for Krios, I haven't received information under that name, but sources tell me there was a Drell that recently passed through the docks inquiring about Nassana Dantius.”

Shepard cringed. “Good God, that woman is here?”

“Mm, yes, she is a corporate executive, running her company from the Dantius towers. If he is the assassin you seek, Nassana is likely his target. The Drell was seen speaking with a woman named Seryna at her office in the cargo transfer levels. Perhaps she will know where he is.” Liara hadn’t even pulled up her omni-tool for reference on all of that.

“That was all off the top of your head?” The Commander asked.

Liara smiled widely. “Im a very _good_ information broker.”

Tali leaned forward with her elbows on her knees. “How did you get into this anyway? Seems like a long way from Prothean archeological sites.” 

The Asari’s face dropped. “Circumstances… being what they were…”

Shepard steepled her fingers. “I imagine it has something to do with the information Cerberus has passed me, to give to you.”

Liara jumped up from the desk. “What did you receive?!”

The N7 handed her a datapad. “I didn’t pry.”

The blue women hastily scrolled through the documents. “It looks like a leaked transmission between Shadow Broker agents... hints to his location,” she sucked in a loud breath. “Feron! He’s alive!”

“Feron?” Shepard bent forward, eyebrows raised.

Liara let out a long sigh. “I might as well tell you. Feron helped me recover your body from the Shadow Broker.”

The soldier balked. “ _What?_ ”

“Keelah, you had a hand in all of this?” Tali waved her hand towards the Commander.

Liara sat back on her desk, palms on her cheeks. “Yes. That is how I got into information brokering. When I found out the Alliance had listed you as MIA, and that your casket was empty… I couldn’t… just... stand by and let them pretend that was normal, pretend that Geth had attacked the Normandy! It was so wrong. So infuriating.” Tali nodded slowly, sympathetically. “So I went searching for you.”

Shepard stood, pacing the office.

Liara continued. “And I found out the Shadow Broker had recovered your body from Alchera.”

The Commander threaded digits into her hair. “So I hit the ground after all… What the fuck did the Shadow Broker want with my body?”

“He was going to sell it to the Collectors, but Feron and I stopped him. He sacrificed himself to give me time to get you out.” Liara stood and faced out her office window.

“How... how did I wind up with Cerberus?” She whispered.

“They were the ones who gave me the intel to recover you. Feron was a Shadow Broker operative who turned double agent. It was Cerberus who linked us together. After I got you out… I couldn’t stomach giving you to the Alliance. After they undermined everything you’d said and done, it felt like I would be betraying you, and Cerberus told me they could bring you back.”

“Jesus… Liara…” Shepard was reeling, struggling to process this information.

“I figured it was nothing but a dream, or maybe it would merely make a clone… but if there was even a remote chance...” the Asari trailed off. 

“God, it was you,” the Commander murmured, trying to control her breathing. 

“Shepard,” Tali stood and put a hand on her arm.

She jerked away. “NO! Her obsession has done this!” Shepard smacked a gauntlet loudly on her chest piece. “This…” She couldn't bring herself to admit outloud what she truly feared she was, deep down. “God, you should have left me dead, Liara!”

Liara turned around, panic etched into her features. “Please, Shepard,”

“No, no don’t. I don’t want to hear justifications.” Shepard scrunched her eyes shut, trying to will her patience back to the surface. The Asari might have been older than her by eighty-ish years, but her emotional fortitude was that of a young adult to her long lived people.

“My obsession has done… what exactly?” Liara eyed her, her brow furrowed. When the Commander refused to answer she sighed. “You are _here_. All my efforts were worth it, Shepard. I regret nothing. Feron’s sacrifice was _worth it_.”

“I'm not sure that's true. Not from where I am standing, Liara,” the soldier murmured. “But what's done is done. I’ve gotta go. I’ll message you later.” Shepard strode from the room. 

Tali shot Liara a sympathetic look before turning to follow. 

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

“Miranda, I’ve got the Asari Justicar en route to the ship, be prepared to welcome her,” Shepard spoke into her com.

“Roger that, Commander. I’ll roll out the red carpet,” the XO replied.

The N7 leaned back in her seat in the sky car. It was night now on Illium, and with her head resting against the window, she watched the lights of the city stream by outside. Samara was a biotic hard hitter for sure, but her whole code thing was worrisome. Shepard was a ‘means to an end’ kinda girl. They might come to odds at some point. Remembering the ‘biotic god’ Volus in the Eclipse hideout brought a smile to her face though. Poor little dude was so high on that Minagen x3 stuff he had entered another plane of existence. Not that she could blame him. The mercenaries in the warehouse had forced her into cover in a cloud of the stuff and she still kinda felt like a biotic god herself. A god with a massive migraine, but a god. She’d even yanked that bitch Eclipse leader out from behind her hiding place with her biotics before she slammed into her full force with a charge.

“So, are you trying to stop the assassin, Shepard?” Seryna - her Asari contact that had met the Drell assassin - said from the driver's seat of the sky car. She was ferrying Shepard and Kasumi to Dantius towers, the last place anyone knew Thane Krios to be headed - with Nassana as his target. Karma was alive and well in the universe! Shepard could still recall vividly how Nassana had tried to get her to kill her sister, Dahlia Dantius.

“Not my plan, I just want to meet with him. Although if he succeeds, it’ll be no skin off my nose. Nassana is a real piece of work.” Shepard yawned and rubbed her head. Man, this was blooming into a killer headache.

“You doing okay, Shep?” Kasumi called from the back seat.

“I’m not that old yet. I can stay up past my bedtime.” She waved a dismissive hand.

“You did just spend all day plowing through an Eclipse base with Tali and Garrus,” the thief intoned.

“I do kinda wish this Krios guy could have waited twelve more hours for this hit, but, well you know. Gotta do what ya gotta do.”

Seryna was peering out of the corner of her eye. “Nassana has Eclipse employed, the higher up you go, the more there will be. She’ll be well fortified by now.”

Shepard sighed. “I’m hoping we will find him before we get that far.”

“You’ll need to go up the second building and over the bridge to the first tower to get to her. At least you’ll know where he is headed.” The Asari swung a wide loop and brought the car down just in front of the entrance to the building. “Here’s your stop. Good luck Shepard.”

Both Humans hopped out of the vehicle and began checking their weapons. Shepard turned back. “Thanks Seryna, get outta here and stay safe.” The driver waved and took off.

“Okay, team stealth is a go.” Shepard pushed her helmet on.

Kasumi gave her a skeptical look.

“What? Just because I enjoy shotguns and titanic explosions doesn’t mean I don't also possess finesse of the stealth variety. I am an N7.” Shepard pulled the silenced SMG off of her back. “Look, no shotgun.”

“There’s an assault rifle there too,” Kasumi pointed.

“Emergencies only. I promise.” The sounds of shooting interrupted the Commander. Past the entrance a few Salarians ran by followed by Loki mechs and dogs. One of them swiveled to get a bead on her. So much for stealth.

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

They had snuck past some mercs on the path up, but Shepard couldn’t help rescuing Nassana’s few remaining night workers. No one deserved to die just because they were employed by a paranoid bitch. Well, rightfully paranoid at least. Meanwhile, Shepard’s headache was reaching epic levels. Even her molars hurt, so she hoped this would wrap up quick. She hit the control panel for the door. They’d made it up through the whistling wind and half-constructed building to Nassana’s penthouse, just behind the assassin the whole way. He must be using the vents. Inside, the Asari in question was pacing around in front of the bay window, surrounded by a small team of Eclipse mercenaries who had their guns drawn on her.

“Shepard!? But… you’re dead!” Nassana’s eyes were huge, her voice high.

“A minor setback. I just reaaaaally missed you.”

“Screw you, Shepard!” The Asari turned back towards the window. 

“Charming, as always.” Shepard cocked her gun and the mercs did the same. 

“You must find this all very ironic. First my sister, and now me. Not afraid to be a common hired killer, are you?”

“If you think I’d waste my time chasing your ass across the galaxy, you are more delusional than I thought. I’ve got much bigger fish to fry than some corrupt bitch with family issues.”

“Then what do you call this? You’ve practically destroyed my towers.”

Shepard heard a knocking noise above her head. “Not looking for you. I’d call it a parting gift though.” Two of the mercs were jerking their rifles around at the sound.

“What the hell are you talking about?” Nassana shook her head. “Just tell me your price and we can make this problem go away.” She hadn’t seemed to have heard it. As the Asari moved closer to Shepard, a form dropped out of the vents behind her. In a blur the assassin had broken one merc’s neck, punched one in the throat, and used that poor suckers gun to shoot the last remaining Eclipse soldier across from him. Nassana jerked around at the commotion but they were all already dead. And within a second, so was she, with one round through the stomach. The Drell laid her down gently across her desk and set the pistol he had taken down next to her body. He bowed his head and clasped his hands over Nassana in what looked like... prayer? The hit had happened so quickly that this was the first look Shepard got of him. Immediately she realized that she’d never seen a Drell before. Heard of them, sure, but they were rare after a homeworld catastrophe. She had been laughably under prepared for how similar to a human he would be. She put her gun away and stood waiting for him to raise his head. 

“I apologize, Commander, prayers for the wicked must not be forsaken.” His voice was gravely and deep, almost dual toned like Garrus’s.

Shepard’s eyes darted to the Asari. “She doesn’t deserve them. Not by a long shot.” She pulled her helmet off.

“Not for her. For me.” He looked up. Wow, Drell had black eyes, sclera included. Huh. “The measure of an individual can be difficult to discern by actions alone.” 

Shepard sighed internally. A preachy type was not something she needed on the ship. 

“Take you, for instance. All this destruction… chaos. I was curious how far you would go to find me.” Behind him, the sun was peeking over the horizon. He dawdled along the desk, running his hand along the surface. Krios moved with the precision of hard, long training, powerful muscles, and the serene confidence of someone whose life was not in danger. Kasumi cocked her gun as he neared and kept it trained on his head. “Well, here I am.”

Shepard dug a finger into her temple in an attempt to relive her headache. “So you know who I am. I assume you also know why I am here.”

“I didn’t. Not before you walked through the door and started shooting.” He meandered over to the thief’s outstretched gun and stood an inch from the barrel with his arms behind his back. “Nassana had become paranoid, you saw the strength of her guard force. She believed one of her sisters would kill her.” He was peering at her. “You were a valuable distraction.”

Shepard couldn't help feeling just a little miffed. They had snuck by _some_ of them. “Let’s cut to the chase. I need you for a mission.”

“Indeed?”

“You are familiar with the Collectors?”

Krios slowly crossed behind her. “By reputation.”

What was this? An intimidation tactic? Was he sizing her up? He came to a stop in front of her again, looming over her from his slightly taller height. Shepards mouth corner twitched up. Such a typical male thing, amazingly universal across all species. They sure loved looming. “They are abducting entire human colonies. Freedom’s Progress, Ferris Fields, Horizon. All their handy work.” She kept her gaze steady into his. He would realize soon enough intimidation wasn’t in her vocabulary. 

“I see.” The leather of his outfit creaked subtly as he moved. His eyes dropped lower on her face.

“We are going after them.”

His gaze jerked up. “Attacking the Collectors would require passing through the Omega 4 relay. No ship has ever returned from doing so.”

A lopsided grin spread out across her features. “I have a nasty habit of making the impossible, possible.”

“A fair point. You’ve made a career out of it.” He turned his back to her and was silent for a few beats. She thought for sure he would decline. “This was to be my last job. I’m dying,” he paused. “Low survival odds don’t concern me. The abduction of your colonists does.”

“You’re dying? How long do you have?” Shepard moved to stand next to him.

“Long enough for a suicide mission. It isn’t contagious and it won’t affect my work.”

“Is there anything I need to do?”

“Giving me this opportunity is enough. The universe is a dark place. I’m trying to make it brighter before I die.” He faced her. “Many innocents died today. I wasn’t fast enough, and they suffered. I must atone for that.” He stuck out his hand, and she took it. Huh, he was well versed in Human customs. “I will work for you Shepard. No charge.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone who is reading and leaving me lovely comments and kudos. It's really keeping my spirits up! I wrote something I myself would want to read , with all my favorite head cannons and things that I like, so the fact that other people are enjoying this too is just mind boggling to me! I hope everyone is focusing on keeping up their mental health and checking in on themselves in this nutso year. I know me writing this has been me escaping my crappy job in the middle of a pandemic sooo... please take care of yourselves!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, a three day weekend for me! In celebration of an extra mental health day off from my insane co-workers, keep an eye out for a surprise tomorrow. <3 Thank you all for reading this far and the sweet comments and kudos. You are really keeping me going!

She wasn’t going to make it to her room. Shit. Nothing like a public breakdown to inspire the confidence of her crew, especially for the two new ones. Kasumi and Thane stood behind her in the decon chamber. She leaned forward on the door and rested her head against the cool metal while the procedure ran. 

“Shep? Are you ok?” Kasumi’s voice sounded oddly far away.

The sweat dripped off her nose tip. She was beginning to suspect this pain wasn’t just a migraine… she could feel the stares of the two behind her, burning a hole in her back. Wait, it wasn’t just her back, her skin was on fire. Everywhere. Shepard reached up and undid a clasp on her chest armor at the shoulder. If only the goddamn door would open, she could get to her room and take a lovely cold shower. The thief spoke again, but focusing on her words was too difficult. Finally, the door opened to admit them into the Normandy. 

“Oh, sweet Valhalla!” She exclaimed loudly and stumbled through the airlock, bouncing off the pilot’s chair as she continued wrestling with her armor clasps. Joker jumped up, holding his arms out in case he needed to grab her. He looked imploringly at Kasumi, who shrugged.

“What in the hell is going on, Shepard?” He wanted to reach out but also didn’t want to endure a broken bone. His hands hovered around her. 

“Commander Shepard’s vitals are elevated, her inner temperature is reaching critical levels. I recommend the sick bay immediately.” EDI’s voice sounded oddly calm in the heightened atmosphere.

Crewmen dodged her as she stumbled around, tearing at her hard suit. 

“I’m fine, really, I just need to get this armor off and get in the shower. My skin is crawling. Tell Ash to turn the cold water on for me.” The chest piece finally hit the ground, followed quickly by a pauldron, as she lurched down the neck of the ship and into the CIC. Scrabbling hands managed to zip down the upper part of her under suit. Huh. Why did Joker look so alarmed?

“It’s okay buddy, I’ve had worse. You know of all people…” she reached to pat his shoulder and missed. The crew in the CIC were speaking so loudly, why was it so loud in here? A scaled green hand settled over her’s as she struggled to pull more pieces off.

Mordin came out into the room, took one glance at Shepard, and rushed over with his scan program activated. “The Commander has a fever of 106.7, move her to the med bay at once!” He stuck a finger out and pulled back a flap of under suit at her neck. The skin was blooming a rash, red and angry. “Hurry!”

Shepard mumbled something and pushed Thane off of her angrily. He stumbled into the ship map and she crash landed in a crewmen’s chair.

“Commander Shepard, please, we need to get you to the sick bay!” Mordin reached out to pull her up, but she flinched.

“Stay the fuck away from me, Finch!” She hollered.

Thane’s brow furrowed. “Has she had Red Sand?” He and Joker stared at Kasumi.

“Not while I’ve been with her. You should ask Garrus or Tali.”

“Quickly, restrain her.” Mordin ran for the elevator.

Thane approached her again as she stood. 

“Oh, no you don’t hot lizard man! Nobody makes me bleed my own blood!” She crouched in a ready stance.

“Forgive me, Shepard.” Thane easily overwhelmed her, even though she got in a good knee to his abdomen. He spun her, locked her arms behind her back, and kicked a leg out from under her. The Commander hit the ground on one knee and struggled against his hands for a few moments before collapsing forward, limp, hair surrounding her face. A loud sob escaped her and the room instantly went silent.

“I’m sorry! Please! Don’t kill them, don’t kill them. PLEASE, take me instead.” Thane dragged her from the floor into his arms and made for the elevator door Mordin was holding open. As the trio disappeared behind it, the CIC could still hear Shepard’s cries for mercy. It was deadly quiet for many minutes as crewmen stood shell-shocked, unsure if they should return to their duties. 

Kasumi turned to Joker. “That was something no one was meant to ever hear, wasn’t it?”

Joker’s ashen countenance and downcast eyes were all the confirmation she needed.

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

A loud crash from above had woken him from a dreamless, drug induced sleep. Confused, Garrus stood and tried to shake the grip unconsciousness had on him. Crashing shouldn’t be happening. Something was wrong. He blearily made his way into the mess hall and looked at his omni-tool. 0300 ship time. No wonder no one was in here. The lift whirred to a stop and from behind the wall popped Mordin and some Drell he’d never seen, carrying a wailing Shepard towards the infirmary.

“What in the hell is going on?!” Garrus followed them as they rushed past. Mordin pointed at a bed and the Drell laid her down on one of the beds.

The Salarian sat at Chakwas’s console and began typing. “Vakarian, was Shepard exposed to Red Sand on assignment with you?”

Garrus’s brow plates drew together as he tried to concentrate through the haze on their run through the Eclipse warehouse. “There were Minagen crates in the warehouse. I didn’t see her spend more than just a few seconds in the toxin, though….” The Drell was gently stroking his hand through her hair while she was still sobbing openly, tears streaming down her face. Garrus was rooted to the floor, eyes transfixed. He’d not once seen her cry, and he had seen her splayed clean open with injuries. The heaving noises that came from her chest were threatening to bring answering noises from his own. 

“Mordin, what’s happening? I’ve never seen her like this. Spirits, the sounds….”

“Minagen x3 very dangerous. Shepard likely more exposed than you thought. She is hyperthermic - body temperature is dangerously high. Quickly, pull the cooling blankets from that cabinet, cover her,” Mordin instructed.

The Drell was much quicker than him. The added processing time it took to focus through the narcotics meant he’d merely taken a step before the other man had the blankets out of their packaging and tucked around her slight form. Guilt, anxiety, and fear were clawing for dominance as they pushed through the painkiller mist in his brain. 

A disheveled Chakwas strode into the bay and paused upon seeing the Drell. At least she was just as confused as Garrus. “EDI informed me of the emergency Professor.” The Doctor turned and waved her hands at the two men. “The rest of you, out!”

In the mess, a small crowd had gathered, even though Dr. Chakwas had set the windows to privacy. Garrus stood next to the mysterious Drell, feeling completely out of sorts after hearing Shepard’s gasps, his sub vocals haywire. Miranda, Jacob, Kasumi, Tali and even Jack were milling about. Why were they looking at him? Even the Drell’s gaze was boring into the side of his head. He squelched his instinctual noises. Tali came up to him.

“Keelah, what happened, Garrus?”

“Mordin said she was over exposed to Minagen at that warehouse… I know we hit some crates in the firefight, but I didn’t exactly see her bathing in the stuff. Did you, Tali?”

“No, she was forced to take cover in the clouds because there weren’t better places, but I didn’t think it was for too long. Not with suit scrubbers, at least!”

Garrus contemplated. “She was complaining about her suit seals in the armory the day before.”

Miranda sucked in a breath. “Jacob? What the hell?”

The man furrowed his dark brows. “Hey, I replaced the seals on her set three times since we got back from Horizon! Don’t give me that crap, Miranda.”

The XO got right in his face. “I’ll give whatever crap I want to someone who is actively sabotaging two years of my hard work in there!” She stood with both hands on her hips. Jacob’s face contorted and his mouth opened to defend himself.

Jack jumped up and slammed two biotically charged hands onto the table. “You are all a bunch of fucking stupid ASSHOLES!” Jacob and Miranda both flinched. 

“How have you not noticed all the weight she has lost just in the weeks since I got here?! What is wrong with you! OF COURSE HER SEALS WON'T FIT. THE ENTIRE SET IS TOO BIG. Holy shit! All you people see is the ‘Savior of the Citadel’ the ‘Butcher of Torfan’! Like she’s some infallible soldier robot who is gonna save us all! Fuck you!” The biotic shook, her hands fisted. “Jacob stands around moonie eyed at the Alliance legend he worships, Miranda doesn’t give an actual shit about anything, and just lets her prize puppy run around without paying any attention to it, and worst of all is the god-damned skull face!” 

Garrus jerked his head up. 

“Yeah, I’m talking to you, bird boy! Shepard said you were her best friend, and all you did was bitch and moan about her on Horizon and sulk in the Battery! You need to pull your heads out of your collective asses - she’s the Captain of this ship! She can’t just whine when she’s hurt or when she is overwhelmed. It’s a fucking cold day in hell when I’m the only one watching her. The Commander is trying to keep morale up on a fucking suicide mission! Jesus fucking Christ.” Jack stormed off and left behind a muted atmosphere. 

Kasumi shifted uncomfortably. “Well, that was as good an introduction as any, welcome to the Normandy, Thane Krios.”

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

It was two days before the Commander was up and about outside the med bay. Miranda had called shore leave for the crew while they were docked on Illium, but there were a lot of bodies out in the mess sitting around the resurfaced Specter. Garrus was leaning in the shadows of the hall to the battery, watching her chat happily with Kasumi, Tali, and Jack. She seemed the same as usual, maybe pale, but still laughing and making crude jokes. Spirits, he was being an idiot, the crazy biotic wasn’t wrong. He said he’d be here to watch her six but going round and round with the stims and the painkillers was just turning him into a useless liability. But the thought of dropping the meds made his stomach turn. At night, behind his eyelids, he was face to face with his failures on Omega. And even more recently, his thoughts were more and more preoccupied with her. Even though they had fought in the armory, that evening - before the meds kicked in - was a disturbing dream of five fingers, pillowy, un-turian lips adorned with a ring, and a very un-turian rounded rear end…. Though it was quickly and rudely interrupted by the memory of familiar bodies under sheets, and a crushing weight of guilt on his carapace that forced him up from his bunk. 

That had been new. Alarming. Unprofessional. And definitely solidified Jack’s words. Some friend he was turning out to be. He hadn’t noticed anything about her losing weight, about her armor fit… it was hard to pay attention when it was all he could do to hold the scraps of his own reality together. Garrus dropped his head into his palm. He really didn't need more guilt, whatever was going on with him needed to stop. All of it. Ever since she pulled that helmet off on Omega and his stomach had done flips… no. If he was honest with himself, there was a weird, drunken ember that sparked way back during their time on the SR1, down an alley after a night of celebrations - a cinder that burned strong and created grief anytime he’d thought about her over the two years she was gone. 

Krios walked through the mess, pulling him from his revelation. He’d stopped at the counters to prepare himself a cup of tea. Garrus watched as Shepard’s eyes followed the Drell’s orbit around the room and then back down the hall to life support. 

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

Shepard couldn’t contain a smile at the surrounding crewmen. They were quietly displaying their support for her with their bodies. Everywhere she had slowly ventured over the past few hours of freedom had seen a crewman coming up to her, asking to help or just chatting. The melt down she’d suffered on the CIC was probably exceedingly embarrassing, so thank GOD she didn’t remember anything after the return trip to the ship. But whatever she had said or done, it seemed to break the ice between her and the Cerberus crowd running the Normandy. Even Miranda had been gentler during the debriefing for the last two missions. Shepard walked through the door into engineering.

“Oh, the Commander is visiting us lowly recruits again! When are you going to take me up on that Skyllian 5 game, Shepard?” Kenneth called out.

“Ken, the Commander has better things to do than play games with you.” Gabby was always right behind him, reeling in his forwardness.

Shepard crossed her arms and tapped a finger on her chin. “Let's do it tonight? In the lounge. I’ll let Kasumi know we are invading. I’m on light duty for two more days, so now’s the time.”

“Yes! I’ll bring the bourbon. You’re goin’ down, Shepard!” Kenneth’s enthusiasm was contagious. Even Gabby laughed.

“How about you, Tali, up to drinking with an old friend?” Shepard waved her over.

“I don’t know, am I expected to keep up? I nearly died trying to keep pace with you on the Citadel.” Suddenly, she gasped loudly. “Did you leave with Chellick?! That night after Saren?! You disappeared right after he showed up on the dance floor!” Tali rushed up and grabbed her by the shoulders. 

“Whoa, that's an excellent memory considering how drunk you were. How about this, I’ll kiss and tell tonight at the game? I’ve gotta get planet-side and buy a new armor set. Miranda will beat my ass if I don’t.” She extracted herself from her friend’s grasp. “That's why I came down, to see if any of you have a requisition list for me.”

“No Commander, those flex couplings were just the ticket, but if we think of anything, we will message you,” Gabby answered.

“Alright then, I’m off. Toodles!” Shepard turned to leave.

Tali called after her. “Run all you want, I’m asking again tonight! Don’t bet on me forgetting!”

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

“Do you think after a Cerberus rebuild I should be able to pump music directly into my brain? Like, I have advanced cyber hearing. I should be able to tap into that to listen to music, right?” Shepard was back in her motto jacket and jeans.

“Not that I don’t love our weird little conversations while you wait for the airlock to cycle, but do your crazy thoughts just spin around in there? How do you choose which one to pluck and unleash on me?” Joker was tapping on the console in front of him .

“Whichever one I think will get a rise out of you. What do you do up here when we are parked, anyway? You realize you have shore leave, right?” Why was he avoiding eye contact today? “You also realize I discourage jerking off in the cockpit. That’s not a literal name… and we are docked at a planet full of Asari?” She had fully turned from the airlock to face him. He was still stoically tapping at the console.

“Planet. Full of Asari. Are you even listening Jeff? Here I am giving you everything you want in a shore leave.”

The pilot nodded and grunted absently before turning his head away from her. Many rife openings ready for the picking and nothing. She needed to figure this out. “EDI, initiate protocol ‘1984’.”

“Yes, Commander,” the AI responded. “I have disabled all recordings in the cockpit for 20 minutes. Protocol in effect.”

The blast shield for the helm slammed shut and the airlock mechanism quieted.

He jumped at the noise and turned his chair to gawk. “What in the hell Commander?”

Shepard braced a combat boot next to his head on the headrest. She pushed in and tilted him back slightly as she leaned forward, caging him with her body. He stiffened with his knuckles white on the armrests, eyes large, mouth open.

“What did I say, Flight Lieutenant Moreau?” She kept her face a mask, tone low.

“What?” His brows knit.

“In the CIC that day. I must have said or done something.”

Joker let out a breath, pulled his cap up, and ran a hand through his hair. Back to not looking at her.

“Spit it out, Lieutenant. I know something happened. I’ve got precious few friends left in this fucked up universe, but you are here. I’m hoping because of that, and not because of your guilt. I rely on you to tell me the truth.” She leaned in further, arms crossed. 

“Alright alright, fine. You fought all of us off trying to help you. Thane got you on the ground and you begged for… begged him to kill you instead of ‘them’. You were crying, all the way down to the med bay.” He picked at the stitching on the leather.

Shepard’s visage softened. “Shit. No wonder everyone is treating me like glass suddenly. Garrus hasn’t said two words to me in days, and everyone else is saying too much.” She bent her head to catch his eyes. “Joker, there’s no way you haven’t seen my file. You know I was a street rat who ran with the Reds. It’s not that surprising that shit like that happened to me.”

“Yeah, well, it’s one thing to read it, it’s another thing entirely to be confronted with the infallible first Human Specter’s dark past.”

“My fever induced ramblings can’t have been as dark as watching me die.”

He crushed his lids closed. “Do we have to do this, Shep?”

“We absolutely do. I’m sick of the eggshells… they grounded you afterwards. What happened?”

“I got you killed, and instead of a trial, I got a psych eval, therapy, medication, and a desk. Then, as a bonus, I got to witness everything we did go to hell! The Council and the Alliance brass denied it all Shepard. The things they said about you on the news…” He covered his face with both hands.

She contemplated him for a few minutes. “Are you scared of me?” She tilted the chair back a bit with her foot to emphasize her control. “I could break you into a thousand pieces at any moment, right?”

“No, I’m not scared of you, Shepard. You wouldn’t do that. No matter how much I deserved it.” His palms muffled his voice. 

“Then why do you keep acting like, at any moment, I’m going to take my revenge on you and blame you for everything? I never did. I told you that.” The Commander pulled her leg back and stood. “The Reapers got their revenge on _me_ that day. You were just stuck in the crossfire. If anyone should be sorry, it’s me. You’ve been through the shit since Alchera because of me. I’m so, so sorry, Jeff.”

He sat forward with an elbow on his knee and took her hand in his. “Please don’t apologize to me, Shepard. My conscience can't handle it.” 

“It really went all to hell, didn’t it?” They were both looking at their joined hands. “Well, there’s no one else I’d rather be in hell with. Thank you for being here with me. It wouldn’t be right without you.”

“Me too, Shep. It’s a miracle you’re here. Cerberus is okay by me.”

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

It was absolutely wearing her out. It was just a punching bag, but the regression of the whole Minagen thing was painted vividly against it. No matter how hard she was trying to get back to her pre-death physique, it wasn’t working. Shepard doubled over, panting in the cargo bay. She really was trying to keep up her caloric intake, but the combination of a biotic’s fast metabolism, sleeping meds, and a hell of a lot of stress was making it difficult. 

Air disturbed the hairs on the back of her neck as she hunched. In the bay's quiet, she strained her hearing. Nothing. The crewmen on shift in here were in the mess for their lunch hour. She was being watched - well, by more than just EDI. “I know you are there,” she called. 

“Your observational ability is impressive, Commander.” Thane materialized from behind her.

Shepard was still trying to catch her breath. “Nah, sometimes I just say that out loud and get lucky.” Oh, did his lip twitch into a smile?

He blinked his double eyelids. “You nearly died, yet you are here, training.”

“Yeah well, the Collectors probably won’t kick their own asses. So here I am.” Shepard straightened and went to the bag. The thudding of her fists remained the only sound again for a few minutes. She could sense his eyes on her. Annoyed, she let out a sigh of frustration and snapped her attention back to him. She’d thought he’d been standing where he was, just watching, but it turned out that he had moved to the footlockers and changed into black, low slung joggers, and lost the rest of his clothing. 

Her heavy breathing hid the inhale, luckily. Three things occurred to her in this order. 1) Drell feet look just like human feet, but their toes are webbed. 2) He was staying. Dammit. She really didn't need an audience to her struggles right now. 3) Holy shit. Were all Drell hot? What were the women like? She made a mental note to look it up on the extranet. 

He began stretching, and Shepard had to force herself around to stare at the boring bag, cursing under her breath. She vaguely wondered if biotics ramped up libido the same way it did metabolism, or if Garrus set her off weeks ago on that late night encounter and she just needed to _deal_ with it, or if the two new crew mates were just that hot. Shepard shook her head, she was open with herself enough to admit she would _gladly_ let Samara break her in half with her thighs. Yeah, they were that hot. Her fist caught the bag at a bad angle and bent sharply. She hissed and instinctually dragged the offending injury into her chest. 

Her noise caused Thane to stand from the climbers he was doing and pad silently up to her. She watched him walk up and reach out a hand. She eyed him, unsure what he wanted. He took her injured wrist and pulled it toward him, unwrapping the tape. She felt like her erratic heartbeat must have echoed through the entire room while he turned it over, his thumbs gliding over the bones and tendons, searching. 

“I’m fine. Just tweaked it.” She murmured.

“Excuse my forwardness. I am unsure if broken bones are as detrimental to Humans as they are to Drell.” He dropped her hand and twined his arms behind his back. “What are you doing here, Commander?”

“Well, I was going to show Garrus how cool my new robo cop armor is, but since he kicked me out to do calibrations,” 

“Do you always deflect with humor?” He blinked slowly, his stare boring through her body and out the other side. Thane’s calm and direct manner was disarming. She wasn’t sure how to answer that. “What is your goal here? Your crew is worried about you and would much rather see you rest, as per your doctor’s orders.”

“I bet they are. That happens when the CO has an embarrassingly public melt down. But no matter what they think, I need to get back into fighting shape as soon as possible.” She began unwinding the tape from her other wrist and knuckles.

“There is nothing embarrassing about suffering the side effects of Minagen x3. You are fallible. You are merely a person, a woman, a mortal being.” His words were simple but stripped her down. 

He stiffened. “She blazes with reckless abandon, a mere streak of blue. She is ruthless and efficient. Then, she is in front of me - she removes her helmet and my breath is sucked from my chest. Her eyes are shockingly green, intense. Her gaze defiant, her presence large and confident. The smell of salt permeates the air. Her hair is like fire, splayed around her shoulders in the orange light of the sunrise, glowing. Hours later she is in my arms, helpless, small, pale. I have caused her to weep. I am struck by her duality. A weightless wisp who wears a soldier's persona and reputation.” His eyes had gone wide, he didn’t even blink as he spoke. “Forgive me. Drell easily slip into... solipsism. We have perfect memories, but it is difficult to control at times.” 

Shepard had stopped unwrapping her knuckles as he spoke. “Huh. That seems useful and horrifying all at the same time.”

“You are allowed to rest. You are allowed to have needs. Respect your body's boundaries, Shepard.” 

“Easier said than done. You said it yourself. Wisp. You should have seen me two years ago, before this whole Cerberus fiasco. I looked a lot more like you. Hard, boxy. The body of a soldier. If I had that back now, the Minagen thing wouldn’t have even happened. I’m too slow, too easily worn out. It’s going to get me or someone with me killed. Ideally, I don’t want to go through that again.”

“Commander Shepard looks well for being dead though.” The corner of his lip twitched briefly up.

“It’s…. a long story. Buy me some whisky sometime and I’ll tell you drunkenly all about it.” She finished pulling the wrap off and moved over to where her hoodie was laying. 

“I would be happy to help you regain your physique. In a… less self-destructive manner, if you would like.”

For a split second Shepard wondered if that was a proposition. Nah, wishful thinking. Down, girl. Something in the look she gave him must have given her away because he smiled.

“Ok, let’s see what you’ve got tomorrow Krios. Meet here at 0900.”

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

Shepard walked in the door to Port Observation and received a round of greetings from its occupants, who were all sitting around a folding card table. Kasumi, Zaeed, Ken, Gabby, Tali, and Jack all watched as she spun and marched back out without a word. The Humans all looked at each other, bewildered. 

“She’s probably going to get Garrus. She’ll be back.” Tali didn’t even look up from where she was already arranging her hand of cards. 

“What’s her deal with the space raptor, anyway? You knew them before, right?” Zaeed was holding a cigar between his pinky and his glass. He stared at the Quarian. “Fuck buddies… or,”

Tali waved both of her hands in front of her. “Keelah! Please stop there. No, they are not ‘fuck buddies,’ as you so eloquently put it,” she spat. “We nearly died a hundred different times on the SR1. We were all very close by the end of that adventure. Her and Garrus especially. They are brilliant together in combat, you’ve seen them, haven’t you? They don’t even need to talk to each other over com.” She fit a straw through the opening on the front of her helmet and took a healthy pull from her drink.

Jack nodded. “Yeah, it’s kinda freaky. He was pretty quiet on Horizon. Only Shepard’s bad jokes and even worse one liners kept us going.”

“Quiet? Usually, they are both full of snarky comments and bickering back and forth over whose kill count is higher.” Tali put her cards down to fix her gaze on the biotic.

“Hey, whose one liners are bad? I’m hilarious for your information. It’s not my fault none of you have seen any good holos.” Shepard strode back in and set down a bottle. “Okay Zaeed, I said I’d share. Push your glass over here.” Jack and Kenneth pushed theirs over too. She glared at them both. “Hey, this isn’t charity, Aria got me this for telling her the mercs were coming after her!” Jack pushed hers a little closer. Ken wore a convincingly innocent look. Her eyes darted between them. “Okay, okay, FINE. But consider this my first round of bets. Do you know how hard it is to find this bourbon?” She poured a finger into each outstretched receptacle. “Fine damn buncha mongrels, all of you.”

“Eh, but we’re your mongrels, Captain,” Kenneth gave a brief salute before slamming his drink back. 

Shepard’s mouth hung open, and she stared at him wide eyed. “You absolute heathen! At least taste it!” She finally sat and picked up the cards they had dealt her. 

“Stop yapping and raise, Shepard.” Kasumi tapped slim fingers on the bet pile.

An hour of drinking and storytelling later found the thief standing to scoop her winnings toward her again, to the sound of her crew mates cursing and groans. 

The Engineer flicked one of his last chits away from him. “This is crap. Who lets a slight of hand expert play Skyllian 5 with us?!”

“Ken, you’re just bad at this. Don’t blame Kasumi for your terrible poker face.” Gabby spoke.

Zaeed frisbee’d his cards to the pile in the middle of the table. “When are we going to play strip poker, anyway?”

“We’re not, since Quarians can’t play.” Shepard smirked and patted Tali on the back. She had been resting her helmet on the table for a while now. “But I feel you, Ken. If Garrus were here, we would have all beat at least one person. He’s shit at cards.” The Commander stacked her dwindling little pile of chits. 

Kasumi grinned. “You’ve got an obvious tell, Shep. There’s no way he hasn’t noticed.”

“Oh, he aaaaaaalllwways let her win. Him AND Wrex. And I bet Alenko too.” Tali refilled her glass from the Turian triple filtered bottle.

“First of all, I do not have a tell.” Shepard tipped back the last of her beer.

Gabby giggled.

“Yes, you do, Shep.” Kasumi insisted.

“Oh, what is it?”

The thief put on her best shocked face. “I’m not stupid enough to tell you!”

Shepard took a long drag and finished the stub of a cigar Zaeed had let her have. She stamped it out in the ashtray at the center of the table. “Second, Tali, I’m hurt. That implies that Garrus also lets me win on the battlefield, and we all know that’s not true. He’s too much of a sore loser. I didn’t even know Turian’s could pout till I met him.”

Tali gasped. “CHELLICK. You have to tell me, Shepard!” The Quarian grabbed her forearm hard. “Did you sleep with him?” If her eyes could sparkle through her helmet…

“Aw Christ, do we hafto do this girl talk?” Kenneth sighed dramatically.

“Aye, shut up, I could stand to hear more.” Zaeed leaned back in his chair, arms crossed. 

All gazes turned to her, and Jack’s eyebrows could have disappeared into her hairline. If she had one. “Who's Chellick?”

Tali stood. “He’s the Executor of C-Sec!”

“Geeze, another turian Shep? You’ve got a thing, haven’t you?” Jack propped one boot on the table ledge. 

“ANOTHER ONE?! What!!! What did I miss?!” Tali was swaying dangerously. Shepard pushed her back down into her chair and opened her mouth to speak.

“Shepard’s boinking the bird in the battery.” Jack was tugging at a piece of skin around her fingernail.

Tali choked on the sip she’d been taking, and Ken sucked in a loud breath.

“Whoa whoa, okay. Jack, when I said, ‘Have you seen their dicks?’ I was being a smart ass. Tali, no, I didn’t sleep with Chellick. This isn’t some love boat, soap opera, cruise liner - don’t you all have better things to do than worry about my sex life?” Shepard smirked when every person in the room, unrehearsed, shook their head no. “Oh, you are all comedians, let me tell you.”

“Alright then, what about Councilor Sparatus?” Jack asked. “If you would do him, you’ve got a fetish.” 

“Hey, that's not a fair question. You’ve seen the news vids, haven’t you!” Shepard pointed an accusatory finger at the biotic. Jack shrugged. “If you saw them, you already know how much we argue. Of course I’d have sex with that stupid bastard! That would be the most glorious hate fuck of my life!”

Jack's bark of laughter preceded a room full of chuckling.

Tali turned solemn and stared at the bottom of her glass. “Does that mean you haven’t gotten any since before…” She squinted, trying to recall. “Before going after Saren?!”

Shepard dropped her head into her hand, but the corners of her mouth pulled up. “The last thing I need is judgement by someone who could die from letting someone in their suit pants, Tali.”

Kenneth stood, put one foot on his chair, and began unbuckling his belt. “I volunteer as sacrifice for this mission, Commander!”

Gabby promptly pushed his leg off, and the drunken idiot hit the floor face first. The room filled with raucous merriment. 

“Okay okay, enough of that. Ask Zaeed how many of his girlfriends have tried to kill him. I guarantee that’s more interesting than me.”


	8. Chapter 8

Shepard sat on the ground, her back against her mattress, cradling her bloody hands. There was a line of droplets on the floor, leading to the bathroom mirror she had just smashed. The N7 breathed deeply, erratically, trying to calm her nausea. She couldn't afford another trip to the porcelain throne. She had to keep the calories in. She squeezed her watering eyes shut against the memories of the dream she’d awoken from. Saren’s metallic visage and Ashley’s grin spun round and round behind her eyelids. She was losing it, wasn’t she? When she closed her eyes, Saren’s face stared back at her from the darkness. She turned up on her knees and fell into the bedsheets. The Commander let out a frustrated primal yell into her blankets, pulling at her hair. 

She combed her thoughts, looking for anything odd or intrusive. She kept waiting to hear voices. Whispering. Saren and Benezia seemed to be hearing or seeing something from Sovereign. What if it had been dreams like hers, progressing into your consciousness while awake? She shuddered at that thought. Since the run in with the Prothian beacon, Shepard had been no stranger to bad dreams. She’d heard the screams of a dying race for a year. But this… this was a whole new level of horror. Was this the Reaper’s plan, driving her insane with vivid, horrible dreams. Or maybe this was a side effect? Where did souls go? Wherever it was, souls weren’t meant to come back here. Why didn’t Liara just leave her dead? She had done enough, hadn’t she? Live long enough to see yourself become the villain wasn’t what she’d planned on. 

Unwanted tears leaked of their own accord onto her bedding. She was so tired. Her omni-tool alarm went off. 0630. Already late. Shepard stood, habit driving her off her bed and past her nausea to her dresser. She’d left the mirror on her armor terminal on after trying on her new gear last night. She tried not to. She honestly did, but she caught her own gaze reflected in it. Was it her imagination? All the fissure lines Cerberus left behind seemed brighter than usual. Her ribs were sticking out. Were her eyes glowing red? She was glued to her reflection. Her mouth opened in horror as she watched the fissures on her cheeks widen and break apart. Her body elongated, exposing long metal limbs and claws, tubes, and lights.

Panicked, she reached down to run her palms over her skin. No, no, she hadn’t turned into a mechanical Sovereign controlled version of herself. Just like Saren. Shepard shook her head violently, trying to clear away the hallucination. Just fucking like Saren. She didn’t make it to the bathroom. She retched drily, leaving a pathetic few drops of bile where she paused. The soldier darted to her bed and pulled her carnifax from her pillow. Training had it primed and loaded in milliseconds. Shepard sat, heaving breaths wracking her body while she held it in her lap. Thinking. If she were really going to become that thing, ending it now would be better than exposing the crew to her treachery. She stood and paced, holding the gun. _Get a grip, Shep._ Would Miranda even tell her if they’d used Reaper tech? Of course not. How could she let herself live, knowing that at any moment she would play right into the Reaper's hands? Doing just what they wanted. Maybe she was the key to unleashing them on the galaxy. It was just sadistic enough to sound like Sovereign.

Shepard raised the carnifax to her temple, breathing deeply in through her nose and out through her mouth. Who would help the colonists after her? Who would have to clean up the mess her body would leave? What poor crewman would she be scarring? Undoubtedly Chakwas, at the least. 

Garrus. 

Garrus would know, he would notice if she wasn’t acting like herself. Garrus would put her out of her misery. She counted on him to do the dirty jobs. It was selfish to push this on him. She recognized that. But she couldn't bring herself to it. 

The Commander put the pistol down on the desk, yanked her tank top off, and wiped her hands and face with it. Hurriedly she threw on her hoodie and leggings and ran to the lift, bouncing restlessly on the balls of her feet until it let her off on the crew deck. She didn’t care if she looked nuts, she ran through the mess barefoot just as breakfast was ending for the main crew. Down the short hall to the battery she went, finding the door lock was green. He was awake! Shepard barreled through and nearly smashed into Garrus where he stood, datapad in hand, at the cannon console. 

“Garrus! We need to talk,” She noticed the unusual stiffness of his posture and the nervous drumming of his talons on the pad.

He hesitated a bit too long, mandibles sucked in tight. He was irritated. “Can it wait, Shepard? I’m in the middle of some calibrations.”

Calibrations, calibrations. The Thannix she’d ordered hadn’t even come in before they’d left Illium to chase a distress call a week ago. She searched his face. His eyes were dilated again. He’d been avoiding her soundly since their disagreement in the armory. Fuck, she’d really pissed him off. 

“Oh, of course. Yeah. I’ll just catch you some other time, Garrus,” She turned and left the battery in long strides. She shouldn’t put this on him, anyway. He was obviously dealing with whatever had happened on Omega. Shepard made a beeline to the med bay. Dr. Chakwas took one look at her face and stood from her console. “Doc, can you tell me again about that procedure to remove the scars?”

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

It was some time later that Thane found her nestled behind some crates in the cargo. She needed to go work on her console but being around the ever chipper Chambers or going back to that room with its mirror, its gun, and its sick... neither was a good choice right now. He was dressed in the joggers again. Had he just found her because he was coming to exercise or because EDI sent him? Shepard pulled up the time. Oh. This was their normal time to train together. He blinked both of his inner and outer eyelids. Bless him though, he realized she needed him to keep his preachy mouth shut. The Drell merely held out his hand to help her up. When she refused to take it he sat beside her. He asked nothing, just sat with her, looking away. Their shoulders touched in the small space. Why was it always him who witnessed her worst moments lately?

“Commander, Subject Zero is looking for you.” Did EDI just have reluctance to disturb displayed in her voice?

“Thanks EDI,” she whispered.

“Subject Zero will be in her… quarters,” EDI truncated the com line.

Shepard sighed. Thane was looking at her with a silent question. Was there anything he could do to help? She shook her head and stood. 

Before she walked far, he caught her hand. “Shepard, join Samara and I tonight before you retire?”

“Sure, Thane.”

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

Jack was sitting on the stairs opposite the ones Shepard came down.

“I heard you were looking for me?” She stopped in front of the tattooed woman, arms crossed.

“Yeah. We are close to Pragia.” The biotic searched her face. “You know Cerberus kidnapped me and raised me as a kid. The first thing I remember is my cell door. They did experiments, drugged me, tortured me. Whatever chance of normal I had they stole from me, trying to create some ‘super’ biotic. The doctors... the other kids. They all hated me. They let me suffer.”

“There were other kids there too? Christ. What did they hope to gain by torturing children?”

“It was something about pain breaking down mental barriers, and how that would clear the way for more biotic powers. Maybe there was going to be a payoff at some point, but I didn’t think I would live to see it. They had me wired up in a cage.”

“All that just to produce a stronger biotic?”

“I wasn’t in a position to ask, Shepard. All I know was the little girl, crying in a cell, begging for the pain to stop.” Jack was letting a surprising amount of emotion show.

“How did you escape?”

“When I broke out I had to fight through them all. All the kids, the doctors, the guards. I just killed everything in my way and ran. Guess I showed them the results of their fucking experiments. My biotics developed faster than they thought. Turns out if you mess with someone’s head enough, you can turn a scared kid into an all powerful bitch. Fucking idiots. I managed to get a shuttle off the ground and drifted till a freighter picked me up,” She released a reluctant breath. “The crew used and sold me. That’s my uplifting escape story.”

Jesus, the woman had been through some shit. Sometimes her over bearing bitchiness seemed like a drawn out act. Then moments like these, well, it made sense. “Okay. You’d said you wanted to travel to Pragia.”

“Yes. I want to go to the Teltin facility, go to the middle of the lab - my cell - and plant a big fucking bomb that I can watch explode from orbit.”

“I’ll set the course when we are finished with the distress call.”

“Thanks Shepard. I’ll owe you one.”

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

“It’s a research station, registered as Jarrahe.” Joker swiveled towards the copilot chair.

“Salarian?” Shepard reclined in the seat, one leg on the console.

“Looks like it in the manifest. Plenty of Humans and some Asari too.” The pilot was sifting through screens.

“EDI, doesn’t look like any damage from here.” The N7 crossed her arms.

“Correct, scans show no signs of hull abruption or depressurization. No obvious causes of distress from the exterior, but no life signs are present on board the station,” the AI answered.

“Shit. We’re too late then,” Shepard let out a long drawn out breath. “I’ll suit up and at least go see what happened. Maybe I can salvage something useful,” she stood and stretched.

“Roger that Commander. We are docking in five.”

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

Shepard traipsed down the ramp into the station slowly, shotgun drawn - just in case. The door for cycled open and she could already see bodies. She picked up a datapad from the first one, whose blood was stark against the white of the lab coat. 

“A VI went rogue and killed everyone onboard. They powered down everything but life support to stop it. Doesn’t seem like it worked.” She murmured over coms.

“Yeah the lack of life signs was a dead give away for that one. Keep me updated, Commander.” Joker cut the channel, leaving her to listen to her own breathing.

She worked her way cautiously through the dark quiet of the station, rebooting power systems and salvaging materials. The VI took to spouting ominous warnings over the station speakers as she walked. The first had been ‘All intruders should report to the airlock for immediate removal.’ At one point, it even repeated a message to the crew, advising them to ‘self terminate to avoid starvation.’ Jesus Christ. Extra ominous considering there wasn’t a live person left in the station. Every room had bodies. The VI’s most gruesome murder scene was one lab in particular, that had been testing different coatings to repel lasers on ablative plating. The computer program had rounded up all the scientists and somehow forced them inside - to cut them into tiny little pieces with the beams. Shepard couldn’t even tell what all species had been the victim here, the bodily fluids all intermixed into a disturbing gray color. 

Maybe it was because she’d just contemplated killing herself hours ago - so she was already rather unstable today - but she had to blink a few times to be sure Garrus’s form wasn’t laying too still in a pool of cobalt blood on the other side of the glass with the rest of the remains. What in the entire fuck were her dreams doing to her? She tore her eyes from the lab and forced herself onwards, waves of goosebumps playing along her skin. Suddenly the station seemed more ominous, and she warred with her own common sense as she stepped over more bodies. Joker had said no life signs. None. Shepard passed under the mirrored ceiling of the mess hall and froze. 

There was someone standing behind her in the reflection.

The Commander threw herself behind a table, weapon raised. She peeked over the top of it. Nothing within sight moved, and she strained her ears in the silence. 

“Shepard? You okay?” Joker came over the com in her helmet, startling her in the dark of the room.

Shit, she was actually, really losing it. “Yeah, why? What’s up?”

“Your suit biometrics might be bugged. I'm showing you haven't moved for the last ten minutes and your vitals are spiked high almost across the board.”

She mentally cursed herself. Had she really been crouched behind that table thinking someone was following her, all that time? “Weird. I’ll try a reset when I get back.”

The soldier forced herself to stand and keep moving. She stayed absorbed in her own thoughts as the VI continued to talk over the speakers. The ever intensifying fear that she’d be the next Saren was bad enough. But the worst part though, was the deep pit of longing despair that grew ever wider in her stomach. Where did the old Shepard go? It felt like the new her spent every waking moment comparing herself to… well herself. She missed her previous mental stability. Nothing had rattled Commander Shepard, she had been hard through and through. Now… now she couldn’t remember a time where she’d been more near tears at any singular moment. Could she even GET back to how she was or did this new body come only with new Shepard that couldn’t cope? It was like the her who went through the hell of basic, and the military, then Torfan, then the Academy….was just a vague memory. Now she was more like she had been as a teen. Fresh off the streets, a scared, too trusting, idiot. It was dangerous. It would only be a matter of time before she got someone killed with her instabilities. Again.

No. She couldn’t let her thoughts carry her dark places anymore. Focus. 

Shepard circled back around from the labs, through the mess, and passed back through the main HUB. Something caught her eye from under a body. She stooped to gingerly roll the stiff corpse over. A datapad. On it there was a message explaining that they thought the VI was afraid of viral contamination and went ape shit killing everyone. Huh. That didn't explain why the computer program was using ever more delightfully barbaric ways to kill everyone here. She needed to find her way to the maintenance section of the ship and reboot the main power grid. Finally she found the doors leading there, stopped from closing by a dead Salarian. She squished herself through the gap. 

As soon as her boots hit the floor on the other side the VI made an announcement. “Plasma venting in progress. Attempting to reach main maintenance controls will most likely result in serious injury or death.”

It hadn’t even finished talking before plasma sprayed down from the vent above her. Her shields saved her ass luckily, though the burst blew them clean out in one go. Her suit alarms blared. This fucking computer was trying to kill her too!

“Commander?” Her pilot's worried voice was muffled behind her screaming suit alarms.

“I’m fine Jeff. Just a little run in with the VI.” Shepard spent the next few minutes muttering expletives as she dodged a plasma blast obstacle course to the main console. Finally she was able to reset the station’s main power and was rewarded with the humming sounds of generators booting up across the entire structure. The lights in the maintenance section flickered on.

Once the power was activated the VI spoke again. “Docked vessel detected, attempting to upload central programming into vessel mainframe.”

“EDI, advise, the VI is trying to get into the Normandy!”

“Commander, I am your cyber warfare suite. I will not allow this to happen. The VI’s server room is inside the main hub. I suggest moving there and manually shutting it down.”

“Roger that EDI, I’m on my way.” Shepard turned and sprinted as quickly as she could through the plasma vents. She squeezed through the doors and ran down the hall towards the HUB. As soon as she spun the corner though, she could see the red lock on the mainframe access. 

“Fuck!” The Commander snapped open her omni-tool and tapped feverishly through her hack program. Agonizing seconds dragged by as her brain conjured images of her own crew layingb lifeless, murdered by the corrupt computer program. A hundred years later her hack program dinged once and the lock cycled to green. Shepard tore inside the mainframe room to access the console. At the first button push, the rogue program’s visual representation came up on the screen.

“Unauthorized intruder, you are not allowed access to this-” Shepard finished typing out the shut down procedure, and the screen blinked off. Slowly, the humming of the mainframe unit died out.

“Rogue VI is offline, no systems compromised on the Normandy,” EDI came on the com. 

Shepard let out a long, loud breath. “EDI, please don’t ever turn into a depraved serial killer.” 

“I have no intentions at this time. My protocols are to protect the ship and crew lives at all costs.” EDI responded. 

“Great. I’ll be sure to remind you you said that if you ever turn into HAL. See if you can download a docking manifest for this station. We need to contact all the ships that have been here recently and warn them about this rogue VI business. Make sure they didn’t get infected by it too.” 

“Done, Commander.”

The Normandy’s airlock door closed behind her and the decon cycled. As soon as the inner door let her into the cockpit Shepard tore her helmet off. “Okay Joker, ETA to Pragia?” 

He looked back to his console. “About two hours, Commander.”

She nodded. “Get Valern on the horn and let him know that he needs to send a squad to come clean this place. My best suggestion is, blow it up. No one needs to see the horror show that has gone on over there. I’ll upload my suit footage for you to attach it. If he wants to speak with me he can but the footage is pretty self evident.”

“Aye Commander.” Joker swiveled his chair around to his console.

“EDI, consolidate that ship manifest and message it to Lawson. We need to get those communications out as soon as possible.” She unclasped her glove cuffs as she walked.

“Yes, Commander,” the AI answered.

“Jack, we will hit Pragia in two hours. Be ready.” Shepard strode quickly down the CIC.

“Sure Shep. I’ve been ready for years,” the biotic’s voice came through the com in her helmet as she stepped into the armory.

“Shepard,” Taylor stopped in front of her. “How was the new suit?”

“Great, did its job. Thanks for the modifications, Jacob. Keep the N7 gear, hopefully I’ll be back in it sooner rather than later.” She returned his salute, and they parted ways.

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

“Shepard, I am picking up thermal signatures throughout the facility,” EDI spoke.

The Commander sighed heavily. If she’d known that distress call from the station was going to turn into the bloody, sickening, crime scene it had been, she would have told their resident biotic to wait for Pragia some other day. “Of course. Either the sensors are being distorted or it isn’t as abandoned as it seems.” She looked at Jack.

“It might have been a mistake coming here.” The biotic spoke warily. Jesus, she was an enigma. Cold feet now? Really? This whole thing had been her idea to begin with.

“Oh come on, where did that sense of justice go?” She patted the small bomb sitting next to her on the seat. “If anyone is in there, you’ll just be showing them who the galaxy’s one true biotic bitch really is. 

Jack slouched but nodded. “You’re right, Shep.”

The shuttle landed and the two women jumped out into humidity and thick raindrops. Boots slapped through puddles on the duracrete roof of the facility. Jack didn’t seem fazed when Shepard holstered her shotgun and removed her helmet. She pointed her face at the sky to revel in the sensation of the droplets against her skin. 

The biotic was kind enough to let her enjoy it for a minute before interrupting. “What are you doing Shep? Getting ready to audition for one of those turn of the 21st century emo revival bands?” 

Shepard smiled. “Nah, you’d beat me out for that role, I think.” Jack rolled her eyes. “It’s just been forever since I smelled rain.” She pulled her helmet back over her head and motioned the tattooed woman to lead the way.

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

Of course there were looters. Why not? A bunch of Blood Pack were about par for the course of her luck. Unfortunately, the gang had been the simple part. Accompanying Jack through her childhood of abysmal horror had been... difficult. The biotic didn’t take it well when confronted with evidence that all the other kids there had been mules to test if their procedures were safe for Subject Zero. So many dead children sacrificed to make sure Jack survived the experimenting done to her. She’d thought she had been a survivor, the strongest kid, that she’d had it the worst, and she had built her whole sense of self on that. When really she was the end result. They’d drugged her, starved her, electrocuted her, forced her to kill other children. Jack blaming herself for all those deaths wasn’t why Shepard had agreed to bring her there. Nothing had prepared either of them for the revelations in the facility or the man who’d been hiding out in Jack’s old cell.

The tattooed woman held her gun unsteadily at his chest. He had both of his hands raised.

“Who are you?” Shepard barked.

“My name is Aresh, and you are breaking into my home.” The fellow paused. “I know you Subject Zero.” His voice was calm, despite the barrel trained on him.

Shepard saw her companion’s pulse pick up speed in her neck.

“So many years have passed. And here I thought everyone was dead... but of course, not you. Never you.” His eyebrows drew together.

“My name, is Jack. How the hell do you know me?”

“Oh, we _all_ knew your face Jack. They inflicted horrors on us, just so they wouldn’t kill you. God, we hated you. You were the question. And I’m still looking for the answer.,” he slowly lowered his hands and held the biotic’s gaze. “I tried to forget this place. I really did. But you know, don’t you? This place? It doesn’t leave you.” He hesitated, seemingly waiting for her to acknowledge him. “I hired those mercs and came here about a solar year ago. We are rebuilding it, piece by piece. I’m going to find out what they knew. How to unlock true biotic potential in Humans. I’m restarting the Teltin facility.”

“The hell you are! I’m going to destroy every piece of this facility!” Jack's voice raised.

“Why would you start this? You’d do this all again to more kids? Wasn’t this forced on you?” Shepard’s disbelief registered in her own ears.

“Some of us were bought from poor families on Earth or kidnapped from colonies. Most ended up here the same way I did. Batarian slavers.” He covered his eyes with his hand. “They did such horrible things to us... there must have been some good reason.”

Jack stepped forward and shoved her gun into his chest. “There’s no reason in the galaxy good enough, are you nuts!? You lived it! I stopped this. All of it. Maybe you all had it bad too, but restarting this place? It’s completely fucked up!”

Aresh pushed into her weapon, goading her to do it. His voice boomed in the small cell. “Everything we went through must have meant SOMETHING!”

Jack grabbed him with her powers and bent him at a painful angle to his knees. She drove the muzzle against his head. 

Shepard stepped forward with a placating hand up. “Whoa, Jack. He’s as trapped in his past as you. He’s never going to restart this place. You already realize there was no meaning to this bullshit. You can move on from this. You don’t have to let your past control you like it is him. He’s pathetic.”

“Fuck. FUCK. Fine. Just go.” Jack lifted her control of him and he immediately fled the room. “You can stay here and get blown up or leave!” She yelled after him.

The tapping of his footfalls faded and Jack stood unmoving for many minutes, taking in the sad, stained bed. There was nothing else in the room but a toilet, a sink and a small desk. “I want to stop coming back here, Shep,” she spoke so quietly the Commander barely heard her.

Shepard walked up behind her and put a hand on her shoulder. To her surprise, Jack didn’t shrug it off. They stood silently in the stale, thick air of the room.

Eventually the tattooed woman’s shoulders stiffened. “Enough wallowing. Let’s blow this place and go home.” The biotic smirked at her.

“Oh, my GOD. Jack, did you watch Star Wars?”

“I did, it was old and stupid, just like you Shep.” The woman bent to arm the explosive device they had carried in.

The Commander smiled. “See, I told you you’d love it.”

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

Miranda came rushing out of her office door and stood looking around for a moment. Shepard was mid bite of her lasagne when her XO noticed her and stormed over. “Shepard, I find myself in the unpleasant position of asking for your help.” The operative braced both hands on either side of the table across from the Captain. “I don’t like to discuss personal matters, but this is important.”

The Commander glanced around the empty mess hall. It was late into the evening cycle before she and Jack had returned to the ship after detonating the Teltin facility. She motioned to the spot in front of her and the XO planted herself.

Miranda exhaled sharply and weaved her fingers together. “My father is extremely wealthy. He wanted a perfect daughter and paid a great deal to have me genetically tailored. When I was old enough to realize he was more interested in controlling a dynasty than raising a daughter… I left.”

Shepard swallowed her bite. “He must have taken that well.”

“I… injured several of his guards in the process. He knows better than to come after me. But this isn’t about me,” She leaned back and rubbed her neck. “I have a sister. A twin. He is still hunting her. Cerberus has kept her safe for me. Until now. She has been living a normal life on Illium, hidden from my father.”

“So why are you telling me your family history?”

“My father's agents have been searching for her for years. I believe they’ve tracked her down. I’ve tried to keep her hidden without impacting her life. But I am out of options. He is too close. I need to relocate my sister and her family before it’s too late. She deserves a normal life.”

“Does your sister’s family know about any of this? Are they okay with being moved?”

“They know nothing. They are normal, completely uninvolved.”

Shepard put down her fork. “Best to keep them that way. What do you need me to do?” 

“My father is persistent. I’d like to go to Illium while Cerberus is moving the family, to make sure none of my father's agents get too close. My contact’s name is Lanteia. She’ll be waiting in the lounge near the Nos Astra docking port.”

Shepard nodded. “Do-able. We’ve got to get the Thannix and Kasumi requested a stop there or at the Citadel. We are about eighteen hours out. What’s your time?”

“They’ll move her in two days.”

“I’ll set the course.” She picked up her plate and moved towards the kitchen.

“Thank you Shepard.” Miranda actually smiled.

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

The Commander hesitated outside the life support door, even though the lock was green. It was late. The suddenness of it opening caused her to flinch.

“Oh, I am sorry Commander, I hadn’t realized you were right here,” Inky black eyes studied her. Thane didn't seem phased at all that she’d been standing there. “EDI said you had returned, I was just coming to find you. You are still willing to accept my invitation, yes?”

“If it isn’t too late for either of you, I accept.”

Thane gently touched her elbow and guided her back down the hall towards the lift. “Not at all Commander.” He kept his hand there all the way to the Matriarch’s room.

The door opened as they approached, and inside, Samara was meditating as usual, floating a few inches from the floor while controlling a ball of biotic energy.

The Asari didn’t pause her meditations, but spoke. “Welcome Commander. Thane has suggested to me that you may benefit from some experienced help in meditation.”

“While I would never be stupid enough to turn down any advice from someone who was nearly 1,000 years old, I will say that I’ve been notoriously bad at such pursuits in the past.” 

“Yes, well, that is a highlight of your species, isn’t it? Humans are fast and loud.” Samara floated to the ground and spun to regard the Commander. “Not that I am disparaging that. There is something endlessly intriguing about those of you who burn so bright in such a short amount of time.”

Thane moved to the observation window and stared out, hands clasped behind his back in his typical fashion. Shepard glanced warily out for a moment before seating herself on the floor. “Watching all of us shorter lived species struggle must really be something else to the Asari and Krogan.”

“I imagine you could get some idea of the thought from knowing Salarian’s your whole life.” Samara fixed her gaze on the Commander. “You are uncomfortable with a view of our galactic expanse?”

“I once got way too up close and personal with that view, so yeah. I’d say I’m appropriately uncomfortable with it.” Shepard folded her legs under her like Samara had hers. “So, how do we start? Do I need to do some special breath thing?”

Samara smiled. “Not unless you want to. Just close your eyes, breathe normally, and clear your mind. Lose all focus.” The Asari pushed herself closer, their knees touching.

Some time passed in the Observation's quiet deck. She really did try. The very concept of clearing her mind was so foreign she didn’t see where to start. Every time she’d make a hole, her brain would fill it in with either a spinning view of Alchera or Saren’s visage as he put the pistol under his chin. No. She could do this. Simple. If she fought the Rachni, she could clear her mind. Shepard fidgeted, repositioning her legs. Suddenly Garrus pushed to the forefront, laying facedown in a pool of ever widening cerulean blood. She sucked in a breath and stood bolt upright before she even realized she had moved. Samara blinked up at her.

“Shepard, I believe you might be making it more difficult than it needs to be.” Thane’s brow was pulled up in a look that seemed too much like pity for her tastes.

So, she didn’t stop the glare she shot at him. “And how would you know?”

His lips twitched upwards. “I can very nearly smell how many logs you’ve stoked your mind’s fire with.”

She sighed and turned her eyes back to Samara. “It’s impossible. Quiet was something I always wanted, to the point it became a myth. Now that I sometimes have it, it’s my mortal nemesis.” The Commander sat back down. “It’s impossible to not remember… the horrible shit I’ve seen.”

The Justicar studied her face, crystal clear blue eyes oscillated between her own before she nodded. “An understandable problem. I found that I would dwell on anything I couldn’t bring myself to face. Once I stopped and analyzed what had happened, I was more capable of facing the truth of my involvement and thus accepting the outcome, no matter how undesirable. We are living Commander. We can face the past and regret, standing still, or we can face the present and accept, moving forward.”

Shepard frowned at her hands in her lap. Thane came to sit cross legged with them.

“Luckily, I think your biotics might be able to help you, Commander.” Samara leaned and took both of her hands. “Focus your energy on your palms.”

Shepard closed her eyes and did as asked. Her hands tingled where the Asari held them. 

“Your energy is still very chaotic.” She pushed her thumbs into the center of the Commander’s palms. “Here. Focus.” 

The tingling started to get a bit uncomfortable, like pins and needles. The sensation of Samara’s thumbs did make it easier to focus, though. Minutes passed, and suddenly Shepard could feel the Justicar’s breathing and heartbeat drum through her hands and up her forearms.

“There. Open your eyes Shepard,” her soothing voice slid across the room and lapped against the walls.

The N7 blinked groggily down where Samara’s hands cupped her own. A small blue white orb hovered there, pulsating. “How are you doing this?”

The Matriarch smiled gently. “I am not. I am merely guiding your biotics forward, Commander.”

“I can feel your heartbeat.” Shepard mentally chastised herself. She sounded like a child.

“As I feel yours. Our powers are intertwined.” Samara dragged her hands away except for her fingertips. “Now, dig deep, and concentrate every molecule on keeping the orb alive. For now, as it lives, you won’t be distracted by your inner noise. This will be an important technique you can use to help yourself mentally whenever you need it.”

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

There was an unanticipated amount of people waiting inside the airlock as Joker was docking. Shepard smirked, knowing how unfond he was of an audience. Miranda was pacing up and down the CIC in a small revolution, trying for everything she was worth to look cool and collected. Kasumi, Zaeed, and Grunt were chatting by the door. Garrus was skulking just outside the lift in the corner nearest the armory. They made eye contact as she stepped off the elevator. God, how many days had it been since she’d last even seen him? He looked away. Geeze, like he didn’t want to get picked in dodgeball or something. She really really wanted to ask what he was doing while they were on Illium. Instead she strode past him and her XO on her way up to the cockpit.

“Where are we at Joker?”

“Bay P324, coming in now. Ten minutes out,” he answered before fielding a com call from the flight controller for Nos Astra. 

The Commander patted him on the shoulder before turning to the rest of her team. “What are you guys planning?” She leaned against a bulkhead.

“I’m taking the kid to get some actual good food. It’s a damn shame to eat nothing his whole life but Gardner’s cooking. I’ve gotta change that.” Zaeed crossed his large arms across his chest. Grunt looked like it was Christmas morning. 

“Don’t say that within earshot of our poor cook, okay?” She pointed at Grunt.

“I’m not stupid enough to piss off the person who feeds me. I get extra portions if I compliment him or clean a toilet.” The Krogan answered in his gruff voice.

Shock was on every face in the cockpit, including hers.

“Grunt, you’ve been helping Gardner clean?” Kasumi asked.

He looked around bewildered. “Of course. I’ll kill every Collector in this galaxy for a few extra portions of that… what did he call it? Mac and cheese.”

Shepard’s and Zaeed’s laughter bounced across the room.. 

“Oh, God, I love this baby Krogan with every bone and fiber in my being.” the Commander moved over and threw her arms around his middle. 

Grunt held his meaty arms aloft awkwardly. “I keep telling you, I am no baby!”

Kasumi giggled. “You are always a baby to your mother, no matter how big you get. That’s the beauty of a mother’s love.”

“You are all daft. That’s the biggest most homicidal baby I’ve ever seen.” Zaeed chuckled.

“And the Butcher of Torfan wouldn’t raise any other kind. Grunt give me your hand.” He obliged and held out his palm. Shepard dropped a few credit chits into it. “There, get yourself the juiciest varren steak this planet has to offer.” Right on cue there was a loud clanging noise that echoed through the ship hull as the docking clamps latched on.

“Docking complete, all crew have twenty-four-hour shore leave, skeleton crew rotation in effect.” EDI announced over ship wide com. The airlock began hissing through its cycle.

Shepard was doing her damndest to ignore Garrus’s continual burning gaze. “What are you up to Kasumi?”

“Oh, just a little girl time.” The smile she had was completely suspicious. 

The inner airlock door opened and Shepard pulled her helmet on. Miranda had been checking through her weapons and thermal clips. “Whatever it is, don’t get caught, Kasumi. Alright. You ready Lawson?”

“As always Commander.” her accented voice answered.

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

Shepard never thought she’d see the day that she felt something for Miranda. They locked arms all the way back to the Normandy. They were both covered in purple blood and greasy mech coolant. The Cerberus operative had had to kill the only friend she’d kept from her childhood to protect her sister. But seeing the operative’s tears while she met with her only kin… made wading through a warehouse full of mechs and Eclipse mercs worth it. Miranda was just Human, like the rest of them. 

“So, any more of your friends going to come out of the woodwork to mess with you Miri?” Shepard spoke as they rode the lift down to the crew deck.

The corner of Miranda's mouth turned up. “Not likely, I cut ties with everyone when I fled my father. All the people I care about work for Cerberus. Or for you.”

“Aww Miri, are you starting to like this ragtag band of misfits?” Shepard leaned against the wall.

The Cerberus operative actually laughed as she stepped from the lift. “Not on your life Shepard. You are all disgusting.” She was smiling as she walked off across the mess. 

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

“Shepard! There you are!”

She blinked and looked up from the cup of nasty ‘sleepy’ tea she’d been nursing during her nightly ritual. Kasumi was coming towards her carrying a large box with a ribbon on it and multiple bags in her arms.

“What can I do for you at…” she flipped her omni-tool open. “2400 Kasumi?” The thief plopped the box on the table, jarring her cup of tea.

“Shepard, I found it!” She launched the lid off and dug through piles of tissue paper.

“What did you find? Wait, have you been shopping all this time?” The N7 dragged the cup off to the side before it spilled.

“Yes, and I finally saw the most perfect little number for Miss Allison Gunn!” The theif held up her prize, a dress made of strings of deep emerald crystals in silver settings and delicate chains that sparkled brilliantly even in the low night cycle lighting of the mess hall.

“Holy shit, how much did you pay for that Kasumi?” Shepard reached to touch it in awe.

“What? Who do you think I am? Now,” She handed the Commander the dress and rummaged around in the other bags. “Take these and go try it on. If it doesn’t fit, I’ll have to have it tailored while we are still here.” She dumped some shoes and a few pieces of cloth into the Commander’s hands, pulled her up off the bench, and pushed her towards the bathrooms. 

“Okay okay I’m going, I get it.” Shepard disappeared behind the women’s restroom door. Kasumi leaned against the wall outside.

A few minutes passed, the jangling of the dress the only sound.“Kasumi… are you out there?”

“Yes Shep.”

“You are aware, I presume, that my tits are hanging out of this and a thong and some crystals don't count as modesty. In most cultures anyway.” The door opened to reveal her. 

Kasumi squealed. _Squealed_. “Oh, Shep its perfect! Put the heels on!”

Shepard sighed and did as she was told. “Is this appropriate for a high society party?”

“Remember, its going to be full of the richest criminals in the galaxy, and Allison Gunn is a ‘boss ass bitch’ as you would put it. Plus, I need you to be the biggest distraction money can buy when it comes to Hock. Turn.”

The Commander swiveled on the ball of one foot to present her rear. “Remind me again, why you arn’t the one in the ridiculous dress?”

When Kasumi didn’t answer, she turned back around to look at her.

Krios had come out from life support directly across from the bathroom and Kasumi was too busy grinning to mention it, apparently. Shepard had just caught the tail end of his eyes returning upwards.

“Jesus Christ,” she muttered. “Sorry, were we too loud Thane?”

He waited a beat too long to answer. “Not at all, Si-Shepard. I came to refill my cup.” He held up the mug in his hands a bit.

What was that slip of the tongue?

“Well since you are here, what do you think Sere Krios? She’ll be a great distraction? No?” Kasumi waved her arm up and down at Shepard.

Thane’s eyes traveled up her form again. The Commander had one hand on her hip, one leg cocked confidently, standing in strappy silver heels. Creamy skin peeked through the delicate rungs of the draped crystals. The dress was low cut, with a deep V to her navel but had a single strand that ran between her breasts and culminated in a choker at her neck. There were thin chain sleeves that wrapped to the back of it. Every breath disturbed the intricate chains of emeralds around the bosom and glinted endless rainbows and pinpricks of light off the walls of the bathroom. 

“If distraction is the intention, I do not believe you could have picked a better presentation.” He brought a thoughtful hand to his chin. “It’s very... green.”

Kasumi giggled. “Yes well, I felt it was either that or blue to set off that red hair. But since her eyes are green…”

“It was the perfect choice.” He nodded and stole quietly toward the kitchen.

The two women watched his retreat.

The thief bent towards her and whispered. “I think he likes you Shep. If Drell blushed, I’m sure we would have just witnessed it.”

“Kasumi, you think everyone likes me. Can I take this off now? I don’t need to scar the rest of my crew for life. One was bad enough.” 

“Scar is hardly the word for it Shep. I’d be willing to bet most of the crew would pay to see you in this.” She paused as Shepard walked a small circle while getting used to the shoes. “I would have taken you as the type who can’t walk in heels. I'm pleasantly surprised.”

Shepard had turned away and strode further into the bathroom so her face was hidden when she answered. “I’ve unfortunately had some experience with them.”

The solemn tone of her voice told the thief to ask no more questions. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you are all safe and healthy on this lovely Labor day, and I hope you enjoyed the extra chapter this week. Thanks as always for reading. It's mind blowing that anyone besides me would enjoy this, so thank you so much for the comments and kudos, you guys are keeping me writing! Thank you thank you.


	9. Chapter 9

“Come on Krios, stand still and let me hit you, would ya?” Shepard was swinging punches at him, breathing heavily.

“I’m fairly certain that would take the fun out of this entirely, Sih-Shepard.” He deftly dodged her blows, spun around her, locked her arms behind her and bent her to a knee. “You are getting better though. Faster.” 

Shepard reached a hand out, made a fist, grabbed Thane by the ankle with her biotics, and dragged it out from underneath him. He landed with a loud thud with his back on the mat. 

“Has anyone ever told you, you are a sore loser?” he croaked while trying to regain his breath.

She leaned over him. “No one who has lived to tell about it.”

“Shepard, your threats would be a lot more meaningful if I didn’t just soundly beat you in hand to hand for an hour,” he smiled.

“That’s the second time,” she poked him in the chest. “You almost called me something else. It’s not like you to not have this.” She gestured vaguely at him. “This whole rigid ultimate self-control thing. Are you okay?”

He exhaled a breath and closed his eyes. “I am sorry, Shepard. I have caught myself being too forward, twice now.” He sat up, rubbing the back of his head, while focusing anywhere but on her. “I think of you as a Siha.”

“If that means anything remotely like a prophet in Drell, yeah, you can knock that right off.” She stood and strode over to her belongings on the floor.

He was there at her elbow. “No, not at all. I don’t mean to cause you distress.”

Shepard turned and raised her eyebrows at him. “So, what does it mean then? My translator didn’t cover it.”

He shifted away from her, reluctant. There was a long pause where she thought he wouldn’t actually tell her after all.“A Siha is a warrior-angel of the goddess Arashu. They are fierce in wrath. Tenacious protectors. Very few of my own kind still believe in the ways of the old gods, it’s not surprising there would be no translation.” 

“Hm. Fierce protector. I’ll take it. As long as it isn’t a prophet or savior or some shit, I don’t mind Thane.” She bent to rifle through her gear.

He was struck by how slight she was, folded over with her thighs pressed into her chest. Her ribs were pronounced through her back, even as her muscle definition improved. He caught himself stifling the urge to reach out and touch the expanse of her skin between her leggings and chest holder. To feel for himself how certain the bones were. “Siha, you’ve been eating well?”

She snorted and pulled her hair tie from her head. “Hard not to with Jack practically shoving food down my throat. Even when Jack isn’t around, Tali has taken it upon herself to pick up that baton too.”

Yet he could still see her ribs. The little tube of nutritional supplement powder Dr. Solus had been prescribing to her stuck out of her hoodie pocket. He hunched over her to grab the straw corner. Suddenly she grabbed his wrist and launched him bodily over her back with her standing momentum. He landed gracefully in a crouch on the balls of his feet. 

Damn, the man couldn't even feign surprise. But suddenly she really, really wanted to see his face change. Shepard darted in a crackle of biotics as soon as he landed. Their two bodies collided, and the Commander pinned his wrists with each of her knees, straddling his chest.

“Sere Krios, sticking his nose into things. Very out of character.” She leaned forward, her face inches from his. She was rewarded when his eyes widened. She saw her reflection amazingly well in their black depths as she smirked.

Thane instinctually held his breath, body tensed as if a killing blow were coming as she hovered above him. When her lips curled up into that charming half smile of hers, he felt something tight inside of himself snap. Gazing up through the halo of fire that was her cascading hair was nearly religious. There was no question. He’d met another Siha. Despite his inner voice’s warning, he rubbed together the fingers of his right hand, sifting through the fine copper threads that had fallen there.

“It's weird, isn’t it?”

Yes, their current situation really was. “What is weird, Siha?” He smiled back at her.

“Hair. I have seen no other species with it. It’s just protein strands that we humans go to such lengths to present and style - seems fucking silly when compared to the rest of you. I used to wear it in a fohawk.” He blinked blankly. “It’s a short haircut where they left the top a bit longer. I was a rebel, but I got away with itin the Alliance. But now, heh, I’m sticking it to them.” Shepard leaned back up and moved her knees off of his arms. She absentmindedly pulled at her lip ring with her thumb and forefinger, dragging her bottom lip out.

Thane registered a concerning and embarrassing warmth spread through his chest and settled in his core as the plump skin snapped back to her teeth.

The sound of a voice clearing broke him from his thoughts. Shepard looked over her shoulder at the intruder. “What’s up, Jacob?”

“Am… I interrupting anything, Commander?” His brows drew together and a muscle in his jaw tightened.

“Nah, we were just discussing how weird hair is.” She stood nonchalantly and walked over to the operative. 

“Oh, and what’s weird about it?”

“What do you mean ‘what’s weird about it’? We are the only sentient galactic species with hair, Jacob.”

“Well, when you put it like that….” he brought a hand up to rub his chin.

“What did you need, soldier?”

“I was hoping to speak to you in the armory, Shepard.”

“Sure, lead the way.” She ran to scoop up her personal items. “Thanks Thane, let's pick it up again tomorrow.”

He stood and watched as she and Jacob disappeared behind the lift doors.

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

“So what made you come find me, Taylor?” Shepard hopped up onto one of the armory tables and settled herself.

“Mmm, well hopefully nothing.” The man leaned his hip on his console. 

“You wouldn’t come find me for nothing.”

“I don’t want to send us on some wild goose chase, Commander, but I got pinged by a ghost the other night. Family.” He didn’t seem forthcoming about this, even though he came to find her for it. He crossed his arms over his chest and rubbed his forehead with the fingers on his left hand. He’d said no words about his family previously, hell she knew more about ice queen Miranda at this point. Must have been a sore spot for him. Daddy issues or something.

He sighed. “I got an update to my private log about the _Hugo Gernsback_ , the ship my father served on.” Ooh, bingo. “It sent an SOS last week, reporting a crash and requesting rescue.” His gaze was boring into her now. “Shepard, that ship went missing ten years ago. I hadn’t talked to my father for three years before that. I’ve buried everything but a body at this point.”

“Huh, so someone is playing you. or there is some weird malfunction in a beacon somewhere?”

“I’m not convinced it's just some automated distress signal ticking over. It’s been too long.”

“So you want us to go look at the wreckage? See what’s going on?”

“If the coordinates are not too far out of our way at some point, we can at least verify the wreck. Who knows, maybe there still is someone there.”

“Jesus, a ten-year stranded modern Robinson Crusoe. Can you imagine?”

The com in the armory clicked on. “Message from the Illusive Man for you, Commander,” came Joker’s voice. 

Shepard gave Jacob an apologetic look that he literally waved off. “Put it on the QEC, I’ll be right there.”

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

“EDI, can you send Miranda, Garrus, Tali, Mordin, Zaeed, Grunt, Thane, and Jack to the communications room please?” Shepard smiled to herself. That was likely going to be a crowded elevator ride from the engineering deck. Garrus was the first one up. He strode into the room in his shiny new armor. Did he seem bigger or had it been that long since they’d really been in a room together where he wasn’t hunched over his console? Suddenly, she had a million questions to ask him. Had he found the guy who betrayed him yet? How was Gardner doing with the dextro rations? She hadn’t even seen him eating in the mess, just slinking around from the med bay to the battery. How was his neck doing? Were plates itchy as they grew in? Why was he avoiding her? He was doing his damndest to look at the floor or the conference table. 

She settled for something less personal. “How’s the Thannix coming along, Big Guy?” She knew he’d been glued to his workstation since they’d had it installed on Illium a week ago.

“Oh you know, typical issues. I had to completely re-install the cooling system because it was so poorly routed. That’s what happens when Batarians and Asari try to do the jobs of Turians or Salarians. There is quite a bit of wiring to be done to increase efficiency between it and engineering. Tali has already been complaining. ‘Keelah Garrus, we can't handle that kind of output for that length of time!’ blah blah stealth drive blah blah venting will kill us.” He did a rather terrible high-pitched mocking of Tali’s voice. Their gaze locked for a second and Shepard thought she saw a familiar glimmer of mirth there. Until he blinked too slowly and looked away again. There was an unfamiliar swell of something painful in her chest as he did. Huh. She opened her mouth to speak, but Thane was the next one in. She clamped it back shut and bent to scroll on a data pad. Grunt, Miranda, then the rest trickled in a few short minutes later.

“Alright everyone.” Shepard leaned forward onto the desk. “Tim just told me that a Turian patrol has disabled a Collector vessel in the Korlus system. We are en route now.” Garrus actually made eye contact at that. She nodded. Yeah, that was a huge bunch of bullshit. “Apparently, its hull is intact but its systems are down. You know already that we are ultimately searching for a way through the Omega 4 relay. This is an opportunity we cannot overlook, no matter how much it smells like a trap,” she set her eyes on Miranda. Her XO had the decency to shift her weight uncomfortably. “This is an information gathering mission, therefore ground techs will take priority in all circumstances. Garrus and Tali are on tech; Mordin, biological. We know next to nothing about the Collectors, their goals, how they navigate that relay, or how many ships they have. These are our primary focus. The rest of us heavy hitters are going to keep them alive.” Grunt smiled widely and shook out his arms. “Miranda, you will prep the remaining ground team members for stand by and be prepared to lead them. We are an hour and forty minutes out, go get geared up people.” There was a chorus of affirmations as bodies filed out. “Grunt?”

He turned around in the doorway. “Shepard?”

“Stop by the armory and tell Jacob you’ll be the one carrying the Cain today. He’ll get you set up.” 

Aw, the dark smile that grew across his wide face was endearing. “Yes, Battle Master.” She heard his chuckle as he moved down the hall.

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

Zaeed ran and crouched behind an outcropping wall in front of her. Shepard followed, creeping along the opposite side of the hall.

“Commander, penetrating scans have located a computer node ahead of you. Marking the location to your hard suit computer.” EDI spoke through the com.

“Keelah, I’ve never seen a ship like this before,” Tali’s accented voice echoed in the empty hall.

“Somewhat resembles an insect hive,” Mordin mumbled.

Shepard kept moving, clearing adjoining halls visually and silently, holding up her hand each time. Zaeed was following suit as they both took point through the unsettling ship. It was a little too close for comfort to a xenomorph ship, weirdly organic tendrils crossed roughly hewn corridors and walls. She made a mental note to stop watching old sci fi holos. God forbid they actually run into some of the horrible shit 20th century humans were worried was out in the galaxy waiting for them. Her nerves were on edge as it was. 

“It’s too quiet. This ship is enormous, we should be swarmed by the hundreds by now.” Garrus loaded a thermal clip in her peripheral.

“Took the words right out of my mouth, Vakarian,” Shepard whispered inside her helmet, cleared another hall and narrowly dodged a leaking egg sack of some kind on the ceiling. She turned and watched Mordin scoop a sample of the goo into a vial. He was going to be on cloud nine in here.

EDI came back over the com. “Shepard, I have compared EM scans of known Collector profiles. This is the same vessel you encountered on Horizon.” 

Jack groaned.

“Maybe the guns there softened them up for the Turians?” Zaeed looked over his shoulder at her as he spoke. 

“Perhaps the abducted colonists are still onboard… if they are still alive.” Tali’s tone deflated as she finished that sentence.

Shepard walked out into a large open room with hundreds of egg sacks on the ceiling. Mordin moved up and turned his omni-light into one one further down the wall. A mass blocked the light. Something was in there for certain. It moved, stretching the membrane of the cocoon. His eyes found hers.

“Collector drones I assume?” The N7 walked up next to him.

“My hypothesis as well. Acquiring samples.” He pulled the small sling bag he was wearing to his chest and dug out a long needle. He pierced the sack and whatever was inside let out a high pitched vibrating noise. Unperturbed, the Salarian pulled back the plunger and began packing away the fluid.

They all moved forward together as a unit, Shepard and Zaeed taking point, techs in the middle, and Thane and Grunt bringing up the rear. Tali and Garrus kept busy, salvaging any equipment they ran across. They passed a multitude of opened containers, just like the ones they’d seen them hauling people away in. The musty, humid air in the ship brought a sickeningly familiar smell to the soldier’s nostrils. She rounded a corner, and sure enough, there was a six foot pile of bodies in the next room and multiple others scattered about, in different states of decay. 

Shepard sighed. “Well, that answers the ‘if they are still alive’ question, Tali.”

“What is the point of abducting them, just to kill them all here?” Grunt’s expression was hidden by his helmet, but he sounded solemn.

“Experiments,” Mordin breathed. “Test subjects from control group. Discarded after experiment ended.”

“What the fuck do they want with _us_? There are lots of species in the galaxy. These people didn’t deserve this,” Jack came angrily over the com.

“Human’s useful as test subjects. Genetically diverse. Enables exploration of treatment modalities.” Mordin bent to start scans on the bodies.

Shepard watched Garrus crouch over one and scan it with his omni-tool. He carefully rolled the body onto its stomach. “It’s hard to tell through the decay, but I think this one is full of holes, like they tested energy weapons on him.”

“Keelah.”

“This is wrong. Inhumane. Even if Collectors needed to kill their experiments, could have done so painlessly.” The Professor was shaking his head.

The Commander’s boots slid noisily as she crept through a gelatinous puddle oozing from the pile. “Come on, let's keep moving.”

In the next room was a line of pods connected via tubes to a terminal. “Bingo.” Shepard jogged up to it and loaded her omni-tool interface to synchronize EDI to it.

Thane peered into a pod. Inside was an emaciated corpse with a familiar triangular exoskeleton for a head. “This… this is a Collector. What were they doing, experimenting on their own?”

“EDI, I'm uploading the data from this console, see if you can tell what they were up to.” The N7 bent to gather up a small discarded pile of medi-gel packets the Collectors must have gathered from their victims. She watched as Mordin busied himself with scans and samples from the open pod. Thane was staring at her, his inky sclera the only part of his face she saw around his breather. 

“Data received, analyzing.” There was a pause. “The Collectors were running baseline genetic comparisons between their species and humanity.”

“Why? Looking for similarities?” Shepard asked.

“I am unable to hypothesize their intentions. All I have are preliminary results. They reveal something remarkable,” the AI spoke as if in awe. “They have a quad strand genetic structure, identical to trace samples collected from ancient ruins. There is only one race known to have this structure. The Protheans.”

Shepard reeled backwards from the pod a step.

Mordin pulled in an audible inhale. “The Protheans didn’t vanish, they are working for the Reapers,”

“These are no longer Protheans, Doctor Solis. Their genes show distinct signs of extensive genetic rewrite. The Reapers have repurposed them to suit their needs,” EDI intoned.

“You’d think after all this time, someone would have picked up on this,” the Commander spoke.

EDI’s calm voice returned. “No one has had the opportunity to study Collector genetic code in this detail. I’ve already matched 2,000 alleles to recorded fragments. This Collector probably descends from a Prothean in the Styx Theta cluster. But there are signs of extreme alteration. Three fewer chromosomes, reduced heterochromatin structure, elimination of superfluous ‘junk’ sequences.”

Shepard brought a hand to her helmet. Flashes of the Prothean’s terror and screams bubbled to the surface of her memories, still filling her head from the beacon. “The people that have been trying to warn us. This was their fate. They weren’t wiped out - they were turned into monsters and enslaved. Did... did Vigil know, and try to spare us that knowledge?” Her voice was just a whisper. Thane put his hand on the forearm dangling at her side. Everyone’s eyes turned to her as she spoke. “I’m fine, I’ve had an entire race’s last dying wishes and thoughts uploaded into the old brain pan in the past,” she glanced at the Collector. Damn. “Sometimes it's…. hard to organize in there.” Thane’s brow ridge furrowed.

“Looks like us Humans are next then,” Jack spoke sedately. They all stood quietly, even Grunt.

“Let’s get a move on, find what we need, and get the fuck out of here.” Shepard pulled her shotgun off her back and proceeded out of the room. 

There was a gaping hole in the ceiling of the next area that disappeared into a tunnel. More pods lined the opening. 

“There are hundreds…. I wonder how many are full.” Mordin had his face craned upwards.

“I detect no life signs from any of the pods,” EDI sounded regretful. “It is probable that the victims inside died when the ship lost primary power.”

The Commander kept moving. She and Zaeed traveled up a ramp and the entire group had to slide through an opening covered in the leaking egg sacks. 

Suddenly, Joker piped up over com. “Shepard, you have to hear this. On a hunch, I had EDI run an analysis on this ship.”

EDI took over. “I compared the EM profile against data recorded by the original Normandy two years ago. They are an exact match.”

The Commander sucked in a breath. “No fucking way. The same ship dogging me for two years? This is way beyond coincidence.”

“Shepard… please. Be quick, watch your back. Come back to the Normandy as soon as you can. None of this is right. I can’t…“ the pilot trailed off. But she had an idea that something like, ‘I can't go through this again’ was what he meant. 

She was thinking it too, after all. “I will, Joker.” She turned to look at her team.

Garrus was there, staring back at her. “I’m right behind you, Shepard.”

They stood that way for a moment before she waved them all forwards. He had known what she needed to hear better than even she did.

They traipsed through the small tunnel for a while, nearly single file, when a thrumming scream sounded. All of them raised weapons. Whatever it was sounded far away, but was loud in the vessel's silence. They kept going. Finally, the tunnel opened up into a cavernous room stretching as far as she could see, pods lining the walls and disappearing into the distance. 

“Keelah…” Tali breathed.

Mordin stood with his mouth open, aghast. “So many pods…. Could depopulate all Terminus systems… Still wouldn’t fill them all.”

“They’re going to target Earth.” It was the only thing that made sense in the scale of that room. The bottom dropped out of her stomach even as she mumbled the words. All of her teammate’s footfalls stopped.

“Son of a bitch,” Zaeed mumbled.

Jack held her shotgun to her chest. “This won’t end after the extinction of Humans.”

“Not if we stop them,” Garrus spoke. The determination in his voice made her turn to look at him again. There was the hopeful C-Sec recruit she’d met three years ago.

She smiled and nodded at him. “Damn straight. I’m going to send every last one of these bugs back to hell before this is over. If it’s the last thing I do.” Shepard motioned everyone forward. The group moved as one in a tight circle, backs facing one another, keeping their weapons trained outwards. Eventually the floor opened up to follow massive cables downwards. That seemed like a good bet. They followed it and popped out in the ship's heart, right in the middle of the cavern.

“That’s a console, Shepard,” Tali pointed ahead.

“Lack of Collectors... alive or dead. Disconcerting. Advise caution,” Mordin spoke.

Tali ran up to the terminal and pulled up her omni-tool. “EDI, I’m going to set up a bridge between you and the Collector ship. Let’s see if you can find anything useful from the banks.”

“Acknowledged. Data mine in progress.”

A few beats passed before Joker came over the com. “Uhhh… that can't be good.”

Just as he spoke, something trembled through the floor under their feet, and the console winked out. Tali was typing furiously on her tool, trying to bring the interface back up. The room returned to quiet.

“Joker, everything seems okay over here, what happened?” Shepard asked.

“Major power surge. We went dark, but we are up and running now.”

EDI spoke quickly. “I diverted the majority of the overload to non critical systems. Shepard, this was not a malfunction. This is a trap.” 

“Fuck,” she breathed. The ground quaked and fell an inch before raising her, Tali, and Thane into the air.

“Shepard!” Garrus called out, but it was all the three of them could do to keep their feet under them as it spun them upwards.

“EDI, we need a little help here!” She peered over the ledge as they whirled at a dizzying pace.

“I’m having trouble maintaining connection, there is someone else in the system.”

The platform jerked to a stop high up the wall of the cavern, toppling Tali over.

“Incoming hostiles!” Thane pointed to where more discs were appearing out of the distance.

Shepard reached down to pull the Quarian up.

“Connection re-established. I need to finish the download sequence before I can override systems,” EDI spoke.

“Do it fast EDI, we’ve got company,” Shepard answered.

“Shepard, are you all okay?” Garrus’ concerned thrumming came through the link.

She glanced over the ledge again. The rest of her teammates had run with the platform’s movements and were standing below them. “We’re fine, these platforms are loaded with drones, see if you and Zaeed can draw a bead. I know we are far out.”

“Roger that girlie,” Zaeed’s gruff voice responded.

The three-man team took cover as best they could along the platforms raised ledge as two other discs docked with theirs. Shepard didn't even look, just leaped over and sparked like lightning into the nearest drone. There was a sickening crack as she hammered bodily into its carapace and threw it over the side. 

“Jack, Grunt, double tap any fucker I drop down there,” she yelled. Through the gunfire and clicking noises the drones made, the familiar sound of a warp punching towards her cut through the chaos. She dodged it barely, the wind off of it cascaded by her. The bright light of Tali’s combat drone, Chiktika, whizzed past her vision, firing steadily. She took a string of bullets that dropped her shields before she stood back up. Thane’s rifle cracked twice, and the fire stopped. Shepard finally peaked over her cover. There was a whole load of scions and Collectors coming at them even as more platforms docked.

“Eighty-four percent,” EDI sounded over the com.

“EDI get us out of here!” Shepard tried to keep down the panic at the overwhelming number of bodies moving at her and her small team. “Watch out for the big ones, scions! They are biotic, they will throw you over the ledge!”Garrus was cursing over com in his native tongue.

“I am simultaneously fighting Collector firewalls in over 8,000 nodes. I am tasked to capacity, Shepard.”

The Commander tore over in a blue blaze to a drone that was getting ready to hop over Tali’s cover. “You fucking bastard!” She screamed as she pushed her omni-blade through its carapace.

“Shepard, behind you!” Tali shrieked. She turned directly into the ugly mug of a Scion. The soldier only had time to inhale as a rifle sounded and its head and back exploded magnificently, drenching her in the sticky fluid that filled their sacks. Thank fucking god for that Drell. She couldn't see him, as the large corpse of the disgusting creature had fallen on her.

“Shepard, why do you resist? You cannot escape destiny,” a familiar guttural voice boomed. She paused in her struggle to extricate herself from the carcass. Every hair on her body stood on end. “Harbinger,” she whispered.

“I will know every thought you’ve had. I will know every inch of your body, Shepard. Submit, and I will lessen the pain I will inflict on you.” The collapsed Scion was pushed down into her, crushing the breath from her lungs. Her eyes tore wide as the head and shoulders of a large, heavily armored Collector appeared over her. He snapped his hand down into her throat. 

She vaguely registered panicked voices through the com as she spluttered, desperately trying to haul air in. The drone raised his other arm, clutching a long, jagged piece of metal.

Shit.

Tali let loose a blood-curdling scream that rang through Garrus’s head in stereo over the com and echoing through the chasm. His heart dropped into his gullet, sure he just heard Shepard die. Even through his scope, at their angle far below, he couldn't see anything but the occasional flying bug. Jack and Grunt both called out for her, desperation etched into their words. Time crawled to a halt. An eternity passed, and it singed every nerve in his body. Then she gasped. Aloud, coughing, sucking in desperate breaths. Spirits, she was alive. Jack doubled over, resting her hands on her knees.

“Shepard!” Thane called.

“What the fuck is happening up there? Is Shepard alive?” Zaeed ground out.

Tali answered weakly. “She’s okay. Keelah, she exploded that Collector with her biotics.”

Jack whooped. “She flared him! Holy shit, good job Shep!”

They could hear the familiar sound of the Commander’s shotgun again.

“I’m fine,” Shepard croaked out. “EDI, what’s your progress?!”

“Nearing completion. Shepard, you must re-establish my link to the console.”

“Of fucking course. Tali, get back there, we will cover you.”

Thane was right behind her every step, and even managed to take out a few drones she had launched off the discs before they tumbled out of sight. They established a rhythm; him using his biotics to pick Collectors up out of cover and letting her smash into them, keeping the rest off of her back; then, her grabbing one out of cover for him to snipe. 

“Assuming direct control.” Shepard spun in time to see a Collector twitching, a golden glow spilling out of the crevices of his chitin. The light dissipated and left a much taller, larger bug in its wake. 

“Shepard. You cannot kill me. You cannot stop us. Submit.” The Harbinger drone launched a yellow orb at her. What the fuck was that?

Thane didn't stop to find out. He fired three shots through its barrier and blew its body off the disc with the fourth. 

“Shepard, I have control of the platform.” EDI said. She and Thane killed the remaining stragglers and tag teamed the last scion as they ran back along the platforms to their original one. 

“I knew you could do it. Get us out of here, EDI. ”

“I always operate at optimal capacity.”

“Did you find anything?” Shepard plugged her gun onto her back to fix her gauntlet to a better position. Thane propped himself on the ledge. Tali was wiping guts off Shepard’s armor and checking her suit readouts. 

“I did find information that will help us navigate the Omega 4 relay.” The platform shuddered and began to lower them back to the ground. “I have also found the Turian distress call that served as the lure for this trap. The Collectors were the source. It is unusual.”

“Makes sense to me. There’s no way a Turian patrol could have taken out this ship. Not unless it was a patrol with a dreadnaught in it.” Shepard shook some goo off her arm. 

“It is unusual because Turian emergency channels have secondary encryption. It is corrupt in the message. It is not possible that the Illusive Man would believe the distress call was genuine.”

“I know, EDI. I’m just glad the Collectors originated the message, and he’s the fucker that would send us knowingly into the trap, rather than the fucker who actually set the trap up. Thank you for telling me.” The platform bumped to a stop, and she hopped off to rejoin the rest of her team.

“Shepard, the Collector ship is powering up, get out of there, I’m not losing another Normandy!” Joker’s alarm was palpable.

“I do not have full control of their systems. I will do what I can. Sending coordinates for shuttle extraction,” EDI finished.

“Come on people, let's move!” Shepard took off at a full sprint.

The next minutes were a blur. A veritable army of Collectors and scions waylaid them, and they spent valuable time fighting for every inch of ground as EDI directed them and opened doors. They made it to a large room with multiple openings but were pinned down by fire from all directions. Jack crouched next to her, breathing heavily and trying to recharge. Grunt happily ran past them both, lunging into a group of drones covering behind a deployed shield, laughing and giddy. Garrus, Zaeed, and Thane had switched to their sniper rifles. There was a never ending cacophony of rifle raport echoing. Shepard peeked over the outcropping and saw their Krogan had taken the left side so she went right, charging through cover, smashing through drones, and flushing them out of hiding. 

For every one she threw in the air, there was a satisfying crack of a Mantis. She smiled widely. This was a perfect combo of heavy front line CC keeping an active killing tunnel to a line of snipers. It was brilliant. Tali’s drone zipped around, bringing down shields. Mordin was somewhere in the middle - frequently she’d have a drone in her line-of-sight burst into flame as he lit them up with incinerates. She even caught a few brief smiles from the aging Salarian. He was enjoying himself. All the while Harbinger kept on them, taking over drones and taunting her by name.

“I know this hurts you. Focus on Shepard.” She spun out of the way of the orb of energy Harbinger threw from somewhere in front of her. Something caught her eye. She jerked her head back again, even as her shields were pummeled and fell, the suit alarm beeping loudly and flashing warnings across her visor. Sure enough, a large group of husks suddenly poured out of a door behind her sniper line. 

“Garrus!” she cried. He usually had her trained in his scope, so she pointed left. She watched him immediately roll out of sight and leave her view to the red husk behind him open. It was far - about 300-400ft away. She crouched for some leverage and jumped on a low outcropping of wall, ran along it’s lip, then launched herself as high as her weakening legs could take her. Shepard reached her apex and focused on that husk with all her might. Her cells accelerated as her biotic charge pushed her through the air. This was probably going to hurt with her shields down. She barely had time to think about it before she slammed into the zombified humans. 

It blew up. Blew the fuck up as if it had been carrying charges! Thank God for ablative armor. She couldn’t hear anything, ears ringing. It had flattened all the husks piled around it, but the blast and her momentum as she bounced off of it threw her backwards. Shepard closed her eyes, thinking she was about to slam into the cover her snipers had been using, but a three fingered hand locked around her bicep, arresting her flight. Garrus pulled her into him and they spun a half revolution in remaining momentum before he sat her back on her feet. 

Thane couldn't remember the last time he’d lost his cool under pressure, but seeing her get blown back… and watching Harbinger choke her… twice now this small human woman had caused him to hold his breath. Amazingly, Garrus had snatched her right out of the air. He watched as she tapped the Turian on the arm once before grabbing it and using his size and weight to slingshot herself behind him. Vakarian side stepped to turn and look, revealing Shepard cutting down two husks. More ran out of the doorway towards them, and Thane jerked his rifle back up to his shoulder too late - Garrus switched to his assault rifle and stepped between the threat and his Commander. They danced around one another for a minute, taking out husks in tandem. She looked up at him - Thane didn’t hear her speak over com, but the Turian pointed towards the wall. Ah. She ran over to retrieve her shotgun. When the Drell glanced back over, Garrus had crouched behind a console. She dashed over to him, put a foot on his cowl and he raised himself, letting her leap off of him - straight onto the back of a scion. She brought her blade through its grotesque hump and disappeared behind the burst of fluid it released. 

“Bloody hell!” Zaeed came over the com. “The fuck was that?” 

“I’ve never seen one of them explode before either. Keep an eye open for any more red ones,” Garrus replied, switching back to his Mantis as Shepard ran off into the fray.

Thane didn’t think Zaeed had meant the husk, because they were probably thinking the same thing. Did the two of them even realize how in sync they were?

“Shepard, I hate to rush you but get the hell out of there! NOW!” Moreau implored.

“We’re almost to the shuttle, Joker! Everyone, make it to the other side!”

They barreled through the room as a group, ignoring as many Collectors as they could in favor of speed, Shepard bringing up the rear. There was a loud crackling noise and a blue beam of energy sizzled by her head. She threw herself out of the way as a large black shadow smashed into the ground. She stared up into the gaping maws of repurposed husks, inches from her, hanging off of another big beaming techno bug.

“Shit! Grunt, find cover and prime the Cain!! The rest of you, get to that shuttle!” The Commander rolled between the creature's legs and darted out behind it, pumping her shotgun along its rear.

“Dammit, Shepard!” the biotic spat.

“That’s an order, Jack! Garrus, get them out!” The thing spun its great head and lit her up. Running, she slid into cover just as her shields gave out again. “Grunt?”

“Ten seconds!” he called back.

Shepard shot back across the room, praying it would follow her. Her limbs were leaden and slow, her energy depleted. The bug was lasering the floor behind her, shrieking horribly. Her shield came back up just as she threw herself under a metal tube connected to a large container. She curled in on herself, and there was a moment of pure silence right before the Cain’s shattering detonation. The air of the room frothed, angrily spinning around her. Her shield indicator was beeping again as she stood, but there were only some fragments of the creature’s legs left. Collector drones were just beginning to stand from where the Cain had blown them.

“Shepard!” Grunt waved her forward from where he was crouched.

Her legs and lungs were on fire as she desperately sucked in breaths, trying to find a modicum of energy in her reserves. The dash to save her snipers had already been done at the end of her rope.

“Grunt, stand up!” She shotgunned a drone that got too close to her. He did as he was told. “Please. Please, just one more old girl,” she whispered to herself. She squinted at his form, focusing on the glowing light of his chest piece, and ran towards him, holding out her hand. Nothing happened for a millisecond and she nearly cried. A frustrated yell spilled out of her mouth and she accelerated - a blue slash through the room. 

Without her biotics or shields to soften the blow, her body collided painfully with Grunt, dropping his shields and jarring her neck and back awfully. The large Krogan wrapped his arms around her before she could bounce off of him and took off, long, thick legs carrying them both quickly down the hall after the team. She closed her eyes with a sigh, more than happy to let him do the rest. The sweet, inky pull of sleep creeped at the edge of her thoughts. No. Not yet. She forced her eyes back open just as he hurtled into the shuttle. 

“We’re in, get us out of here!” Garrus smashed a gauntlet into the door close button. The shuttle pilot full-burned out of the ship’s hold and barreled towards the waiting Normandy. Shepard was content to rest her head against Grunt’s broad chest for a moment. The shuttle touched down hard, jarring everyone inside and echoing loudly in the cargo bay. 

She patted her savior’s shoulder as she stood. “That was a hell of a shot, Grunt. Great job.” The shuttle door hissed open and she threw herself out first. Down here in the cargo hold, the Normandy’s engines were loud while ramping up to full acceleration. “We’re in, the door is closed - go Joker!” she bellowed as she ran, leg muscles screaming. Garrus’ familiar tapping lope was right behind her. 

“Strap in people! I’m going to make them work for it this time!” Joker answered.

She blinked once at the lift but tore open the access hatch on the wall next to it instead, throwing the panel off to the side and charged up the ladder. Her sniper followed, but got out at the crew deck to make for the battery. Shepard kept climbing up to the CIC. She skidded across Mordin’s lab, the ichor on her boots was slick on the smooth floor. She caught herself, barreled through the CIC and up the neck to the cockpit. 

A sickeningly familiar white beam blazed across the bow of the Normandy. Joker was furiously typing away at his controls as the ship shook and bucked from the energy of the near miss. Shepard felt an icy dread filling her stomach and slithering up her spine. She’d taken too long. She’d been standing in this exact spot as she watched that same beam tear through her ship before they’d killed her. 

“We can’t dodge this thing all day! EDI get us the hell out of here!” Joker’s willing reliance on EDI was a stark indication of their predicament. Shepard clutched the back of his chair.

“Specify a destination, Mr. Moreau.” EDI’s calm voice frayed every nerve in her body. The ship rocked again as the shields took impact damage from another near miss of the Collector ship's particle beam.

“Anywhere that’s not here!” He yelled.

“Very well. Engaging mass effect core.” Thank God for her instant calculations. The Normandy rocketed off through hyperspace, away from the nightmare of the Collector vessel. Shepard collapsed into the co-pilot's seat. She and Joker exhaled loudly at the same time. There was cheering from the crewmen behind them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks as always for reading!!! I was really looking forward to writing the Collector ship, and it was super fun.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Even though this story is appropriately tagged I feel the need to say TW: There is a short paragraph here that could be triggering for abuse victims. I've marked it with asterisks for those who wish to skip it.

Garrus stood, enjoying some Palavenian whiskey, listening to his teammates argue and joke over a card game. Melenis and Mierin were quietly shooting each other flirty looks over their cards while Grundan, Montague, and Erash pointed fingers at each other. To his left Weaver and Sensat had their heads together constructing what looked to be some fancy pipe bomb. Someone had put some music on low. 

A sudden wave of contentment washed warmly over him. He turned and his mandibles pulled into a grin. Shepard sat on the counter in N7 leggings and one of his black tunics. The cowl hole hung huge off of her shoulder entirely. She smirked at him and leaned back slowly to present a creamy expanse of neck. He sauntered over to her and set his drink down by her thigh. A bead of condensation moved down the outside of the glass. He caged her with his arms, leaning in to relish her scent. She chuckled and slunk her arms around his neck. Spirits, his plates had shifted already.

“Is there a particular reason you so enjoy playing me like a um… some musical instrument?” He ran his tongue along her collar.

“Do you mean a fiddle?” She laughed.

“Mm yeah. You Humans and your weird sayings.” He bit down gently, grabbed her ass and yanked her across the counter into him. She wrapped muscular legs around his waist, pressing them together. 

“You know, this counter is the perfect height for this.”

She chuckled again, and his heart constricted. Spirits, she was perfect. 

“Not with all these people here, it’s not.” She pulled his head down and dropped to a whisper. “Finish that drink and meet me upstairs, Big Guy.” She extricated a leg from his waist and hopped down lithely. He watched her walk up the stairs to their bedroom.

Garrus threw back his head, hastily downing his whiskey, and tried to be casual as he walked back by his team and up the stairs.

The door slid back, and Shepard screamed his name. His mouth went dry as he sprinted around the corner to their bedroom. 

_Garm._

The large Krogan had a meaty hand on her head, pushing her small form into their bed. The gutteral noise that tore from his carapace was something he himself had never heard before. Garrus was on him in a flash, with talons to neck, ripping with wild abandon until Garm stilled, gurgling. He turned to Shepard, who was still lying on the bed face down. His sub-harmonics keened loudly, but he slid next to her and gingerly rolled her over. 

“Spirits, Shepard NO!” Her throat had been slit clean across, angry red blood poured down her chest and quickly soaked through the white bedding. He clamped his palm over the wound, but it wouldn’t stop. Her blood seeped rapidly between his digits. Tears leaked out of the corners of her eyes and a great wracking sob tore from her.

“No, Shepard no, please, its okay I’ll get Chakwas, you’ll see, it’s going to be okay.” He couldn’t breathe, his pulse pounded in his ears.

“Why did you leave me all alone, Garrus?” She struggled out the words and laid an icy hand on his wrist. “Why did you leave them all alone?”

He blinked. Them? It clicked. He stood - abandoning her, despite his aching heart - and flew back down the stairs. 

He splashed down nearly waist-deep into a pool of crimson blood, mandibles wide open in shock. Great, large globules of Shepard’s blood dripped down from the ceiling. His eyes whirled around the living quarters where his teammates all floated face down in the sea of sanguine fluid, the bodies bobbing gently in the current. Nobody was moving - terror gripped him so fully his muscles were like lead weights - he didn’t even get to fully process what was happening before a three-fingered hand suddenly grabbed him by the ankle and pulled him under the surface.

Garrus gasped awake and jumped out of his cot as if it had scalded him. He paced the length of the battery in long strides, trying to rein in his breathing and his sub-harmonics. He squeezed his eyes shut, willing away the imagery of that dream. His brain’s ability to find new and creative means to torture him was getting WAY out of line. And as horrifying as that had been, the worst part was the few moments he and Shepard had been… _together? Happy?_ The thought was so foreign, in so MANY ways - but it had been… perfect. His stomach flipped, and nausea swept over him on a full-body shiver. This is exactly why he’d acquired more pain meds on Illium when Chakwas’s scripting, rightfully, ran dry. There was a pleasant nothingness after a dose, and more importantly he slept, mercilessly dream free. He was shaking like a leaf… detoxing? Already, just because he didn’t take any before bed? He sighed and dragged himself out into the mess hall. 

_Spirits._

Shepard was slumped at a table, face down in the cradle of her arms. He told himself she was just sleeping, but the startling similarity to his dream sent him across the cantine on jerky legs to check on her. She was clad in a black tank top and matching shorts, with a cold, half-drank cup of tea in front of her. He held still, eye’s focused sharply on her back. Thankfully, it rose slowly. He exhaled a breath. She had yellow and green bruises bloomed along most of the skin he could see. As he stood over her studying her slack features, he realized how unusual it felt to see her without a frown or a smirk, the lines around her eyes soft. Garrus moved her drink over to the sink and poured a glass of water for himself as quietly as he could. He carried it back to the battery with him and re-emerged a moment later with a knit blanket.

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

The Commander registered the odd angle of her neck and the cold material under her arms. She slowly blinked her eyes open. Fuck, she’d fallen asleep in the mess. She lifted her head but hissed in pain as she turned forwards, a familiar black leather 

Thane stood in front of her, blinking his double eyelids at her. “I was just trying to decide if it was more merciful to let you sleep here like that, or to wake you and let you return to your cabin.”

Shepard flicked her wrist to display the time on her omni tool. 0500. Damn, she’d slept over four hours. Even if it was in a shitty position, that was great for her. She dug a few fingers into her angry muscles. “I haven’t been sleeping much. Leaving me in whatever shit way my body has chosen is fine if I manage this again.” There was a blanket draped around her shoulders. She looked up at him, pondering then grabbed it to pull it off from her and caught a metallic whiff. Garrus. The motion tweaked her neck and she groaned.

“Will you allow me, Shepard?” Thane pointed at her neck. She nodded, resting her forehead into her hand. He moved behind her and worked two strong hands into her pained muscles. Shit. She had to strangle down an indecent sound. “Judging by the dark circles that ring your eyes, I assume sleep is frequently elusive to you.”

“Make whatever assumptions you want, just keep doing that. Forever preferably,” she sighed. He smiled.

“Your position is difficult, Siha. I will do what I can to help.”

“Mmm. You should worry about yourself, Thane. A suicide mission isn’t easy for any of us.” She stayed silent for a few minutes as he moved his ministrations between her shoulder blades. “Although, after all of this is over, I recommend seriously considering a job as a personal masseuse.”

He chuckled.

“You could make a killing. No pun intended.” She paused. “Okay, some pun intended. But if you went to Earth especially, woo boy you’d clean up. And if you _really_ want to put some money into savings, offer rich people happy endings.”

“I gather that’s a human euphemism for sexual intercourse,” he spoke. She nodded. “You did once call me ‘hot lizard man’.” 

She flinched and swiveled her head to look at him. “WHAT?” 

Krios _smirked_. The bastard. “You weren’t yourself at the time though.”

“Oh geez, I’m not going to live down that fever incident any time soon,” Shepard lowered her face back into her arms and he resumed digging into the stiff muscles. “How _did_ you become an assassin, Thane?” She murmured. “You arn’t what I imagine when I think of an assassin.”

“The Hanar have trained my body for this role since I was six years old.”

She snapped her head up and interrupted. “The Hanar?! Wait, you’ve been killing since you were six?”

“No, of course not. I didn’t make my first kill until I was 12.” 

Huh. Her’s had been at 11 out of self-defense. What a shame for any kid to have been put into a position like she had, but what an even worse shame to be forced into it so young.

“They were training me. I wasn’t to be thrown away, I was an investment.”

“You were a child! Not an investment.” She turned to face him, brows furrowed. 

Thane blinked and clasped his hands behind his back in his usual stance. “I’ve given you the wrong idea. They valued me. Yes as a resource, but also as a person. They regretted their need of me.”

“Yeah and what need would excessively polite jellyfish who worship the Protheans have for assassins anyway?”

“Every species trains assassins. The Hanar are only unusual in that they need other species to do the killing for them. They have a strong grip and natural toxins, but have you ever seen them move quickly outside of water? Or fire a gun?”

Shepard’s brows scrunched. “No, I haven’t. Why would your parents agree to that?”

“The agreement was made under the Compact. It was an honor for our family.”

“The Compact?”

“Yes. We live on the Hanar homeworld because they rescued us - some of us - from extinction. We owe them our lives. That is the Compact.”

“But you don't work for the Hanar anymore. You said you were freelance. What changed?”

He looked away. “I… was asleep for a long time. I paid no attention to what my body was asked to do. But then,” His posture stiffened and he stood straight, his eyes wide. “A laser dot trembles on the skull. One finger twitch, he dies. Then the smell of spice on the spring wind. Sunset colored eyes, defiant in the scope. The laser dances away.” He drew out of the trance he’d been gripped by midway through his sentence, blinking multiple times.

“A memory. You met someone,” Shepard’s mouth corner pulled upwards.

“A bystander noticed my spotting laser. She threw herself between me and the target. She couldn’t see me, but she stared me down.”

“Sunset colored eyes and very brave to risk death for what good she believed in. What was her name?”

He hesitated. “Irikah.”

She smiled. “You fell in love.” 

Thane nodded. “I haven’t spoken about her in - well I don’t think I ever have. I didn’t have anyone left to tell it to.”

“She isn’t here anymore.” Shepards smile vanished. 

He looked at the ground. “You’ve been alone for a long time.” Her heart went out to him. “I know what it feels like to be a scared kid, doing things against my will,” she whispered. He snapped his eyes back to hers. “I know what its like to be alone. Thank God I don’t have to remember those times… those things with any sort of perfect clarity. What is left is bad enough as it is, so I can only imagine.”

“Yes, having to remember is a burden, having to remember the time you begged for someone else’s life.” His gaze burned through her so she yanked her gaze away. “But I also have the opportunity to blink, and be right back with her.” He stepped a few inches closer. 

She didn’t like that look he was giving her. She snapped her mouth closed. Talking about anything of substance about herself was about the last thing she ever wanted to do. It was hypocritical - he talked relatively freely about himself after all. Even though she knew that, it didn’t change her mind one bit. “Don’t romanticize it Thane. It certainly wasn’t what you are drawing parallels to.” She swung her legs out from under the table to stand. “That was… an unfortunate situation a lot of street kids find themselves in. You learn, eventually, that it’s much easier to expect nothing and avoid attachments with others.”

He was silent, so she moved over to the kitchen, searching for the implements she would need to make coffee. Garrus’s blanket stayed folded neatly where she had been sitting.

The quiet sound of the lift moving pierced through the heavy silence. She expected Tali to round the corner, but to her surprise it was Zaeed.

“Shepard,” all six-foot-two of the old mercenary strode toward her quickly. “I got a hit on Vido.”

“Oh? Where at?” 

“He’s taken over a refinery on Zorya and is using the workers as slave labor. Eldfel-Ashland must own it, they are the ones who posted the hit on the extranet last night.”

“How long has he been there?”

“Weeks by the sound of it. He’s nice and entrenched by now.”

“Good. He’s likely to stick around. I’ve got Kasumi’s thing later tonight, then I’ll set the course.”

“Thanks, Shepard. I’ll negotiate a price. If we can make some big credits and settle a twenty-year score with that bastard… I’ll really owe you,” He clapped her on the shoulder. She winced as he hit a bruise.

She turned to regard Thane, who was still standing with his arms behind his back. “Sounds like the perfect job for an assassin.”

Zaeed nodded. “Fine by me Shepard. So long as I get the kill shot.”

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

“Kasumi, your cute little plan to force me to walk through the crew deck is blown.” Shepard called down the hallway towards port observation. There was no answer. “The only people out here are Hadley and Matthews!” She swiveled to take in their hilarious expressions again. Matthews had just completely stood when she exited the elevator. Hadley had comically dropped the spoon he was using into his bowl of food and was now gaping open-mouthed at her. Children. She shook her head.

“What?! I told everyone to be there at 1800! At least Joker should have shown!” Kasumi’s voice floated down the hall. 

“That man has zeta-bytes of porn Kasumi, why do you think he’d care? And what are you getting out of this, anyway?”

“What wouldn’t I care about?” Joker rounded the corner from the crew quarters and gasped dramatically. “Holy shit, _Commander_.” 

Shepard was standing statuesque in the emerald crystal and chain dress, one hand on a hip, green eyes electric behind heavy smokey black liner and eyeshadow.

The thief de-cloaked next to her with a hearty laugh. “That’s what I’m getting out of this - endless entertainment. I looked for that dress for hours. Everyone should appreciate it.”

“Commander, I care, I really, _really_ do. And Kasumi, it’s very appreciated!” Joker implored.

Shepard couldn’t help but tease him a little. It was their thing, after all. “If you think the front is good, wait till you see the back,” she pivoted on the ball of her foot to present her rear. 

“Ahhh! Is it my birthday?” Joker exclaimed.

“Yes Commander, your legs really do look miles long. That dress is working wonders.” Karin Chakwas called from the sink where she was washing out her cup.

Shepard rolled her eyes. “Okay, okay, I get it. It’s exciting to see a badass all dressed up. But the entire crew really doesn’t need to see my nipples. Can we get to the shuttle now?” She pivoted suddenly and singled out Hadley with a finger. “If I find pictures on the extranet I WILL airlock you, soldier!” Hadley paled and quickly deactivated his omni-tool. Joker snorted loudly.

“Shep, everyone at that party is going to see your nipples.” Kasumi stood on tiptoe to wrangle the Commander's unruly hair.

“Yeah? And those are criminals I won't ever have to see again. I don't have to command them through the Omega 4 relay.”

“Okay, that's a fair point. Just let me fix this and we are ready, Miss Allison Gunn.” Kasumi put the finishing touch on a low ponytail, flipping it under and pulling out a few tendrils to frame her face. “Alright. Let’s go.”

Thirty minutes later Shepard was being ferried to Hock's mansion via a rented shuttle out of Nos Astra.

“Okay, now’s the time to give me more about my cover story, Kasumi,”

“Yes, I suppose you’ve been patient.” She flicked information from her omni-tool up to the holo display on the dash of the vehicle. “You run a small, but talented band of mercs in the Terminus Systems. You are ruthless, smart, and known for getting it done, no matter the cost. Precisely the type of person Hock respects. I also took the liberty of researching his tastes. Don’t be afraid to use that dress and be the hard bitch you always are. He’ll love it. I’ve been posting about your exploits on the extranet for the last month. A data trail, witnesses, even an article in BadAss Weekly.”

“Oooh? How badass? Like, front page or just a blurb?”

Kasumi smirked. “No front pages, those are reserved for THE Commander Shepard.” 

“Makes sense. And what kind of man are we dealing with here?”

Kasumi’s normally playful demeanor vanished. “Hock is a weapons dealer and smuggler. He killed my partner Keiji and stole his gray box. Other than that, he’s not so bad. Rich, charismatic, willing to crack open a man's skull to get at its neural implants.” She was quiet for a moment before flicking more pictures up on the screen. “Anyway, our friend Hock is throwing a party for his closest friends. A couple dozen of the worst liars, cheaters, slavers, and mass murderers you’ll ever want to meet. All of them are bringing a gift as tribute to the man himself. Our tribute is a statue of none other than your old friend Saren - rendered in gold, in perfect, loving detail and filled to the brim with our weapons and armor. Once inside, I’ll make my way to Hock’s vault door, somewhere in the back of the ballroom. I’ll case the joint and we will start peeling back the layers of security. The statue should be moved there, waiting for you to crack it open and suit up. Then we just walk into the vault and take Keiji’s gray box. And I’ll finally get a chance to say goodbye.”

“You’ve worked really hard on this Kasumi. Keiji must have meant the world to you.”

“Was I that obvious?” The thief glanced at her. “Keiji’s gray box holds a lot of priceless personal memories. It’s all that remains of who he was. Whatever secret he discovered is dangerous. Its what drove Hock after him, and what got him killed. Hock won’t hesitate to wipe us out to keep whatever secret that is.” 

“This ought to be interesting then.”

“That’s what I’m going for. Keep Hock busy, he loves to hear his own voice especially. If I need you to distract a guard, I’ll radio you.” Kasumi guided the shuttle down lightly on a landing pad in front of a huge, ridiculous glass mansion. “This is our stop. After you, Miss Gunn.”

Shepard exited the shuttle and hit the control button to close the door. 

A guard walked down the steps to greet her. “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but all the guests have already arrived. I’ll need you to get back in your shuttle and leave.”

She opened her mouth to respond, but the man himself came out of the glass doors and hurried down to them. “That won’t be necessary. Her invitation was last minute. Why weren’t you briefed?” He waved the guard off. “I’m sorry about that. I don’t believe we’ve met. I’m Donovan Hock.” His voice was heavily accented, and he was well built, she could tell even through the white suit he was wearing. He was just a few inches taller than her. He stuck out his hand.

She took it with a firm grip. “I’m Allison Gunn. Thank you for the invitation, I’ve heard a lot about you.”

The man smiled and put his other hand atop of hers. “And I’ve heard a lot about _you._ You’ve been busy out in the Terminus. I’m a fan of your work. Will you accompany me?” She nodded and he tucked her hand under his arm to proceed back up the steps and inside his estate. “I’m quite eager to introduce you. Everyone here is a good friend of mine, and I think we could all do a great deal of business together.”

Inside there was a slow classical piece playing throughout the home. Everything she could see seemed to be marble and eezo tinged. The main ballroom was just inside the glass doors to the landing pad, with two grand staircases turning into a second floor loft overlooking the room. The mass of people was mostly Human, with one gigantic Krogan Warlord and a smattering of Asari Most of the women were wearing the more popular Asari styled long dresses. She cursed inwardly as every eye turned to her. Her crystal gown was sending pinpricks of light in every direction and was completely at odds with the rest of the attire present. Hock seemed entranced though, which was the whole point. He pulled her along, introducing her to groups as they walked. She overheard Archangel’s name but couldn't make out the conversation coming from a group of three further inside the art gallery.

“...I hear Commander Shepard is actually still alive.” Someone spoke. She had to rein in her curiosity to keep from turning to see who. 

“Yeah right. I saw the footage of that wreck on the net. There’s no way…” She and Hock moved out of range and she didn't catch the rest. 

Her nerves ramped up a notch. God, she hoped long hair and heavy eye makeup would keep this crappy disguise up. If anyone here recognized her it was game over, because everywhere she looked there were hired guards standing around. 

Kasumi came over the com. “I deactivated the vault’s barrier, but I’ll need a voice and DNA sample for authentication. Good luck.”

Shepard was dizzy after meeting so many people, she couldn't keep anyone’s names or stories straight, and she’d been bombarded with tons of illicit information. They all just outwardly talked about their criminal doings. She wondered how many here were Cerberus tied. Despite the endless introductions, She had gotten Hock talking as he showed off his art exhibit, and managed to shoot off some good voice snippets to Kasumi. But DNA was more difficult without arousing suspicion. She sighed. Use the dress indeed.

She tugged on his arm suddenly, pulling him towards a corner of the gallery with fewer people. He came readily, surprised after leading her around for so long with no resistance. Shepard turned, resting her back on a wall next to a portrait, and pulled him into her by his lapel. She was sure her intent was probably unmistakable with that, but pushed forward her chest all the same. Inviting. Luckily men like him didn’t question their good fortunes - they felt they were owed. Hock stepped up to the challenge, smirking.

“I like what I’ve seen, Mr. Hock.” 

“Please call me Donovan,” he interrupted, leaning forward into her space.

“Donovan.” She let it roll off her tongue huskily. “I think you’re right, we could certainly do business.” She grabbed his hand and guided it to her hip. He snaked a finger under a delicate chain of her garment to touch hot skin. Like a moth to flame. Perfect. “I would _love_ to see more though.” Shepard leaned into him, hands on his neck, and whispered into his ear. “Be careful with the dress? It was expensive,” She sucked his earlobe between her lips and carefully bit down. It was all the invitation he needed. He chuckled deeply and pushed his other hand inside to palm her breast. There was a couple not thirty feet away, the man had his eyes glued to them. She winked at him and he darted his gaze away. 

* “I must admit, Miss Gunn… you and this dress are exquisite.” He pulled the bottom chain up to grab her ass heartily before lowering his face to hers. She pulled him in by his hair to an open-mouthed kiss that he groaned into. They worked each other’s tongues, exploring teeth and lips. She gasped into his mouth when a probing finger from the hand on her ass found its way easily through the thong she was wearing and wriggled inside of her. Fucking bastard. He moved to unzip his trousers. Wow, he really was going to go for it, right here in front of the gaping audience behind him. * 

Thankfully, two security guards ran up. “Mr Hock!” 

His mouth popped off of her neck audibly and he sighed. “This had better be good.”

“Sir, the alarms on the windows in your personal room have been tampered with. We cannot confirm if someone has broken in or not, the camera’s are down.”

“Shit.” He murmured into her shoulder. He re-situated himself and stepped back. “Miss Gunn, I will send you the password for my private quarters. Once we check things out, I’ll be happy to continue this.” She nodded and the three men disappeared around the corner. Shepard blinked. Huh, fortuitous timing, and the other couple had left as well. 

Kasumi de-cloaked right next to her, causing her to jump. The thief had a wide grin on her face.

“That was you, huh?” Shepard laid the chains of the dress straight and pulled it back over her chest.

“You looked like you could use some help.”

“No kidding. I wasn’t expecting to have to go to third base for a DNA sample, but here we are.”

“And we could both use a good chunk of the security somewhere else. Did you get anything?”

Shepard held up her fist. “Quite a few loose hairs, sure.”

“Great, I’ve got the password all figured out. Let’s head down to the vault,” Kasumi smiled.

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

Hock’s vault had been sickeningly impressive to a relative bumpkin like her. Lady Liberty’s head, the still surprisingly intact original Michael Angelo’s David… not to mention Quarian script on stone tablets, a multitude of Krogan ancestral armor - from the Shiagure line no less! Egyptian artifacts and Prothean statues littered the large room. So it didn’t feel wrong at all to make out with THE Kassa Locust and kill every hired bastard Hock could throw at them once he realized they were in the vault. She and Kasumi plowed through a regiment of Eclipse guards, LOKI Mechs, security forces, and they even blew up a good portion of the weapons warehouse he had hidden under his house.

The true icing on the cake had been when Hock had shown up in the flesh, flying around a shielded gunship. She nearly ate a rocket - like a certain Turian - but she managed to biotically launch Kasumi on to the top of it. The thief shorted the shields, and the duo made quick work of the ship after that. Shepard looked over her shoulder towards the other woman and smiled. Kasumi was sitting on the smoldering remains of the gunship, inspecting her prize - Keji’s gray box. She must be feeling good, getting revenge for someone she loved. The Commander went back to salvaging anything she could find from the fallen Eclipse mercs. The familiar sound of the Kodiak shuttle’s atmo thrusters drew her from her task. It appeared over the side of the building and touched down on a landing pad. Both women made their way to it as the side door threw open. Zaeed and Grunt jumped down, weapons drawn.

“Whoa, at ease men,” Shepard held up her hands. “What are you guys doing?”

“We intercepted Hock’s security alert and call for backup. Figured you two girlies might need some help.” Zaeed answered as he holstered his gun.

Kasumi peered out from under her hood with large eyes. “We already took care of Hock and his minions. Ooh Shep, do you think any of the things from his vault will fit on the Kodiak?!”

“I know what you mean, what I wouldn’t give to stuff Lady Liberty’s head in there.”

Zaeed gaped. “What?! That bastard’s got the Lady Liberty?! Fuck the Collectors Shepard, we could retire! Let what’s gonna kill everybody kill everybody from private tropical planets!

Grunt’s confusion splayed across his wide face.

“While I am tempted to let everyone like Hock burn in Reaper fire, there are a lot of other poor souls like the ones on Horizon that I can’t let that happen to. Sadly.” She grinned. “He had David too.”

“No. No, no no not Michael Angelo’s.” Zaeed sat down on the tarmac and cradled his head in both hands.

“The one and only.” Kasumi stepped up and put her hand on his shoulder. “I get how you feel, Zaeed.”

Shepard thought he might cry for a second, so she pulled the Locust out of her pack and held it out under his nose. “Well, we got something.”

The old merc gasped and gingerly took it out of her hands. “ _Shepard._ ”

“I know.” 

“What in the universe are you Humans rambling about?” Grunt asked.

Zaeed stood and cradled the weapon. “THIS! This is a Kassa Locust! This looks original…” He squinted at a serial number on the grip. 

“That’s because it is, that’s THE Kassa Locust.” Kasumi said.

He whispered reverently. “The gun that assassinated two United Nations presidents.”

Shepard laughed as Grunt shot her a look. “The Lady Liberty has been missing for centuries. She was a famous statue that represented freedom to a country that destroyed itself with consumer capitalism on Earth. Some of the richest Humans are still relics of that place. Very old money. David is a detailed statue carved from stone by an ancient Human named Michael Angelo, and it was also presumed missing for centuries. That rat bastard had all kinds of stuff in there, Quarian scripts, Shiagure’s ancestral armor, tons of amazingly well preserved Prothean statues, even Turian art.”

It was Grunt’s turn to gasp. “Shiagure’s armor?! And you did not take it?”

“How would I ever have carried nearly four hundred pounds of armor and lived to tell about it?”

He grumbled something under his breath that sounded suspiciously like whining.

“Well, let's get out of here. Do you two mind picking up some hitchhikers?” she smirked.

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

There was no way around it. Zaeed was making her nervous. He had spent the last two days of travel all but salivating over this Vido thing. She’d asked Thane to come along during one of their sparring sessions, because bringing an assassin seemed a good plan when you were out to kill someone - but something seemed off. She really wanted Garrus with her to assuage the roiling anxiety in her gut. Just in case. Samara had one eye open, regarding her wriggling Commander with a small smile. Shepard had kept attending her and Thane’s mediation sessions, but seemed quite distracted tonight. The soldier’s brows furrowed and the glowing biotics in her hands dimmed. She’d been getting at least some hang of being able to quiet her mind, but the edge she was on tonight wasn’t easily ignored. She needed to just talk to Garrus and get it over with. She couldn’t afford his sulking any longer. “Sorry Samara, I appreciate your time as always, but I’ve got some business I should take care of.” Shepard snapped to her feet and nearly ran out of the starboard observation to the battery. The lock was still green - good he was still up. She passed through the door, and there was Garrus, leaned heavily on the console, eyes closed. It didn’t bode well.

“Thannix upgrade going that poorly huh?” She tried to force a little mirth into her sentence.

“Heh, hm. Not really the issue, no,” His voice was reedy and slow, lacking his usual sub tones. It was odd.

“So… what is the issue? Are you okay?”

He leaned farther over the holo screen, resting his head in his hands. “What are you here for Shepard?”

She blew out a breath. That snippy answer all but cemented that their days of comraderie were long gone. Replaced by his self loathing and new bad habits. Fuck, his self isolation was getting old. Had she been like this after Torfan? The memories seemed hazy. Mentally she warred with herself. Should she let it continue? Omega was eating him alive, obviously. But as long as it wasn’t affecting ground missions, what skin was it off her nose? Plenty of Alliance soldiers were using. But she needed to get her friend back. “Dammit Garrus, would you just fucking _talk_ to me?”

He cringed but was silent. She waited, summoning up any spec of patience she could find. He didn’t change his mind though, staying quiet and surley with an agitated mandible waving.

“Fine. Keep playing it that way. I wanted to make sure you knew we were on our way to Zorya. I was going to take Thane, but Zaeed’s worrisome obsession with this Vido character is making me nervous. I really need someone I can trust at my back.” 

He could see her staring out of the corner of his eye. He nodded.

“Okay, be suited and at the shuttle at 1300?”

“Sure Shepard. I’ll be there.”

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

He sure as fuck was _not_ there. Shepard paced in front of the shuttle, holding her helmet. She flicked her wrist to bring up the clock. 1315. So unlike him. Zaeed was standing inside the Kodiak, arms up on the door rim.

“I’m going to go get him,” she announced, and strode off.

“Fucking Christ, Commander. Hurry the fuck up would you?” 

“We are running silent, Zaeed. Rein it in. He doesn't know we are here,” she called back just before the lift door closed to take her to the crew deck.

The door was locked and the lights dimmed in the battery. She’d had to clumsily hack her way in. Shepard walked down the Thannix towards his cot, squinting to make out his form lying there. 

Anxiety slid oily up her spine. “Garrus, what are you doing?” He didn’t stir. Shit. She wasted no time, grabbed him by the shoulder and turned him on his back. He was out cold. There were beads of sweat on the hide inside his cowel. She put her hand up in front of his mouth, there was air movement so she dug two fingers into his neck to check for a pulse. She exhaled in relief. It was there. “EDI, send Dr. Chakwas for Garrus, quickly, we need to get him to the med bay. You’ve been monitoring my life signs… is the rest of the crew not getting the same treatment?” She asked with exasperation.

“Dr. Chakwas is on her way. Operative Vakarian has disabled most of my monitoring equipment in the main battery. Otherwise, yes. I do monitor crew vitals,” the AI answered with what sounded like indignation. 

“What happened, Commander?” The Doctor and two assistants with a hover stretcher marched in to collect Garrus a short minute later. 

“I’m not entirely certain, but I think he has been round robining stims and some sort of downer, I’d guess something like the pain meds you had him on after his jaw surgery. I’ve seen him jittery with pupils blown on missions and lethargic and irritable once back here,” Shepard explained.

Chakwas nodded. “Right. I’ll take care of it from here, Commander.”

She put her hand on the Doctor’s forearm before she turned to follow the stretcher out of the room. “Doc. Do whatever you have to, but I don’t want him out of there until he is detoxed.”

“I’ll get him back right, Commander.” She tilted her head respectfully and rushed after the assistants. 

Alone again, Shepard pinched the bridge of her nose, thinking. She’d let this go too far. She had known this was the inevitable conclusion to what he was doing, but she’d still just watched him do it. She paced Garrus’s sleeping area, biting the inside of her cheek. Some fucking friend she was. The truth was, her lack of sleep and this mission were making it hard for her to even hold her own sanity together, much less his. Now wasn’t the proper time to dwell, though. She didn’t want to drag Thane into a humid environment, but a breather would have to do. If Zaeed pulled any bullshit, she would need someone as observant as him to have her back. She jogged across the empty mess to life support and walked in. 

Thane turned from where he was sitting at his table. “Siha?”

“Can you be ready for Zorya in ten minutes? Bring your helmet, keep the breather on.”

“Of course.” He blinked his double eyelids. 

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

Fuck. It would be nice if sometimes she was wrong about how bad something was going to go. As soon as they glimpsed the Blue Suns leader, Vido, Zaeed had plunged off the deep end entirely - ignoring her orders and setting up a flaming chain reaction that was in the process of nuking the factory clean off the surface of the planet. She sighed loudly, fixing the old mercenaries' back with a sharp glare even though he couldn’t see it as he ran off without them. Another massive blast rocked the catwalk she and Thane were on between the complex's main buildings. The metal plates under their feet flexed and groaned ominously, throwing them both about. 

Behind them a voice rang out as they steadied themselves on the walkway’s railings. “HELP! Please! we’re trapped!” Shepard swiveled to see a Human male, refinery worker, judging by his clothes. He was waving down at them from the building. “We can’t get to the shut off valve because of the flames, the whole place is going to blow!” “Ahhh, shit! Damn that old bastard to fucking hell!” She hissed, the station's alarms blaring in the background. Options flashed through her mind. She couldn’t let Zaeed do further damage to a refinery that needed time for its workers to evacuate - she had to tail him. “Thane, can you guide them out?” He nodded, his breathing heavy over the coms. “Yes, I’ve got EDI’s layouts loaded.” “Do it, I’ve got my tracker on, meet back up with us when you can.” She tipped her chin towards him before turning to follow after Massani. The door he’d gone through was now stuck partially open, she had to put a shoulder against it and shove with all her weight to inch it back enough to squeeze through it’s opening. It felt like an eternity as she chased the old man through winding hallways and grenading containers. Shepard ducked gun fire. When the merc stopped to reload, she peeked over her cover to see Zaeed in melee with a Blue Suns bastard further down the tiered production floor. The lack of back up behind her had already gotten her shot a few times as she traipsed through the station after the scumbag finishing off all his leftovers. She clutched a now useless left arm to her side. Never had she missed her previous physique so much as the bum arm forced her to eject heat sinks, cock her shotgun and fire with one arm. Her pistol wouldn’t punch through merc armor, so shotgun it was. She silently wished she’d strapped an SMG to her thigh instead…. And never before ever had she ever cursed Garrus as hard as she was right now either.

An idiot Blue Suns member backed up against her cover, so she leaped over and point blanked him in the back of the skull. “How’s it coming, Thane?” 

“Just a few stragglers left Siha, then I will come find you.”

“No rush,” she murmured as two YMIR mechs stomped through the doorway between her and Zaeed, followed by a small legion of security mechs and a few more mercs. 

Shepard rolled her eyes. Of course. “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. - Zaeed you’ve got a fucking army behind you, you dumb old bastard!” She yelled.

“I see them, clear the middle!” He ducked out of sight behind a control panel just as the mechs spun up their mini guns. A giant tankard suspended from the middle of the room swung towards the grouping.

Oh. Fuck.

Shepard threw herself backwards over some crates as Zaeed took shots at the tank. Three rounds in and it exploded cacophonously. The heat from its fire was searing even through her armor as it bathed the room in flames and some kind of fluid accelerant. When she next looked up Zaeed was gone.

“God fucking damn you Massani!” She fumed into her com but he didn’t respond. The blast had leveled the security mechs at least. Shepard tore through the blaze and out a side door the old man must have gone through, bursting out into thankfully open humid air. It was a landing pad, crowded with barrels and a shuttle priming itself for flight. She ran after Zaeed’s back as he sprinted across a catwalk.

Vido was making his way up the ramp when Zaeed fired - a mist of red spray exploded from the man's leg as he dropped to the pad with a shout.

She could barely make out what he was saying as she barreled down the walkway towards them. “Zaeed, please, you know it was nothing personal. It was just business!”

“Oh, nothing PERSONAL about cutting me out of my own business and shooting me in the fucking head?!” Zaeed crouched and grabbed Vido by the hair. She slowed to a stop where the walkway met the pad.

“It was twenty years ago! Look at you, I was doing you a favor!” The old merc put his gun against Vido’s thigh and pulled the trigger again. The man screamed and curled around his wound. “Zaeed PLEASE!”

Fluid dripped off the platform and soaked through the seal on her boot. Shepard looked down and saw that one barrel had leaked, coating the pad in accelerant.

The old merc was way ahead of her, though. “Burn, you son-of-a-bitch.” He stepped down onto the catwalk and ejected a thermal clip into the fluid. It blazed immediately into spectacular flames, engulfing Vido and the shuttle. Vido’s bellowing and shrieking only ended when the craft exploded and slowly slid off the platform.

Zaeed had been watching with no expression. Finally, as the last metallic groaning faded to just the cracking of the fire, he turned to face Shepard.

She was ready. He swiveled directly into her shotgun.

“What the fuck are you doing, you crazy broad?!” His brows drew together.

“I’ve been watching your back for months. I’ve saved your old ass more than once - I agreed to this little detour, and _you_ run off at the first scent of vengeance. You nearly blow me up, get me shot, and to top it all off you try to kill an entire factory of innocents for your vendetta! And you have the nerve to question _me_?” Her voice raised dangerously by the end of her speech. Shepard kicked his legs out from under him and he hit the deck painfully on his knees with a cry.

“What fucking use do I have for someone who ignores orders and runs off? Hm?” She yelled, jamming her gun into his forehead. “Make no mistake, Massani. I’ll gladly be the woman that finally kills you.”

He held both hands up. “Shepard, I’ve survived a long time watching my own back, with no time to worry about anyone else.” His eyes moved behind her. Footsteps tapped along the walkway. Shepard turned just enough to see Thane running towards them.

“Get real convincing, old man. I’ve got a shipload of people I have to guide back through a suicide mission. I can't afford even the hint of a liability.”

“I just cleared my plate and I’m not a junkie when your back is turned. I’ll be one of the most reliable people you take with you from now on, Shepard,” he spoke gruffly.

Thane stood next to her, his own SMG also pointed at Zaeed, his gaze jumping between them. The faint squeaking of her gauntlet tightening on the rubber of the shotgun stock was the only sound for the ticking seconds as she narrowed her eyes at the mercenary.

“You’d better make me believe it, Massani. I’ll make goddamned sure you don’t survive a second head shot.” She dropped the gun and sheathed it on her back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another one down. I'll put a pre warning here that the next few chapters are dark - annnd one is smut heavy. Things will be clearly marked ahead of time for anyone not wanting to partake. Thanks as always for making it this far and for the kind words and Kudos! You are all keeping me going.


	11. Chapter 11

“I’m impressed. What are the odds that shot would catch you straight through a suit seam and shatter the joint like that?” Chakwas laid the Commander’s left arm back on the cot. “I need to put you under to rebuild your elbow, then I’ll need to print you a cast.” That got her attention. Shepard yanked her eyes off of Garrus’s miserable form to raise her eyebrows and gape at the Doctor.

“Oh Commander, it will barely be a week of wearing it. You’ll be fine, now lay back, let's get it over with.” The Doctor lowered her cot flat.

“Fucking Zaeed,” she mumbled.

That was the last thing she remembered before she awoke sometime later. Chakwas was there with a glass of water. “You know the drill. Take it easy for a few minutes, Commander, then you are free to go.” She smiled and leaned a hip against her bed. Shepard lifted her arm to inspect the 90 degree angled lattice structure of the cast, then turned her eyes back over to the now erected partition between her cot and Garrus’s.

“You should speak with him. I’ve never seen two people need each other more than you two right now.” The Doctor crossed her arms. Shepard blinked at her a few times, brows furrowed.

“Commander, you aren't the only one getting skinnier and not sleeping.” Chakwas gave her a pointed look and disappeared behind the partition to return to her desk.

Shepard spent a few good minutes laying until the room stopped spinning before standing up to wobble over to the Turian’s bed. When she passed the divider, she saw that he had been sitting up. 

He jumped up to his feet as soon as he saw her. “Shepard.”

She motioned for him to sit before collapsing onto the bottom half of his cot. He still stood, shuffling nervously on his feet. “Garrus, please. I’m not going to bite you.”

“Yeah… not with those little flat teeth.” His voice was still reedy and single toned. He perched on the very edge of the bed. Through the turian fatigues he was wearing, Garrus looked obviously thinner. Had she really not noticed? She tried to remember the last time she saw him outside of his hard suit - not since the night after Omega. He had an IV in one arm and a look of abject misery on his face. As they sat silently, she wasn’t sure where to start, and apparently neither was he.

“What’s happened to us, Garrus?” She whispered.

He made that odd keening sound in his chest, but it was hollow without his subvocals. “I happened, Shepard. Sorry doesn’t even begin to cover how destroyed I am over letting you down.” He bent to put both elbows on his knees and drape his head in both hands.

“Hm, yeah. I got shot and betrayed by Zaeed. Might not have gotten shot at least if you’d been there.” She held up her cast encased arm.

He jerked his head up. “Zaeed shot you? He isn’t still on this ship, is he?”

“He didn’t shoot me, just led to it. He’s still here, on my goodwill only. He’ll redeem himself from that little transgression or find the airlock.”

Garrus crushed his eyes closed and turned away from her. “You could say the same about me.” He hung his head.

She wasn’t sure how to reply to that, so again they sat in silence while Shepard watched a bead of perspiration travel down his neck. “Garrus, will you talk to me? Please?”

“You read that letter from Butler’s wife. I’m sure you already know.”

“That’s not the same.”

He sighed. “Somehow… me knowing how much of a failure I am and others knowing how much of a failure I am… none of it is as bad as you knowing.”

She couldn’t understand this hesitation, like she would space him over a bad decision. Didn’t he know her history? The rest of the galaxy did. “I would be the last person to judge you. You know that.”

“I know you wouldn’t, and that's even worse. You should judge me. You were the first Human Specter. We beat Sovereign. You took Torfan.” His voice was a whisper.

“I was successful, but I got a hell of a lot of people killed along the way. I’m not some gold standard. I couldn’t save Jenkins, Nihlus, or Ash. I sacrificed all those lives on Torfan because I felt it was worth it to hunt down every Batarian on that shit hole.” Her voice dropped. “I’ve got people killed, even before Torfan. Don’t idolize me, Garrus. You’ve always been a better person than me.” Shepard pulled her knees up to her chest.

“You wouldn’t say that if you had known that I broke my promise to you even before they had your funeral. . I dropped out of Specter training.” He buried his face in his hands. “The things they said pissed me off - they played it off as a Geth attack! No one would listen, and I couldn’t take the bureaucratic bullshit after a few months. I went home for awhile, but my father was insufferable, and I was useless. C-Sec had so many targets escape to Omega during my time there, so I just thought, why not? At least there I can do some good. Anywhere I pointed my gun would kill a criminal,” he leaned back. “A whole station full of thugs, kicking the helpless. So, I formed my squad to kick back.” 

Shephard’s eyebrows raised, and he could see the thought she had.

“No. We weren’t mercenaries. At least, no one was paying us. We made our money taking down slavers, pirates, or gangs that went too far.” He blew out a breath. “We weren’t in it to get rich, we were in it to make those bastards think twice before murdering someone in the streets.”

“Doesn’t sound like you made any friends with the gangs.”

He huffed a laugh. “I got three seperate merc groups to work together to take me down. Chellick would be impressed.”

“So how’d you piss them off?”

“It was simple. We’d hit their shipments, disrupt their activities. Get under their skin, make them angry. Then they’d come charging right into our well prepared kill zone. Crossfire and snipers, clean and surgical. They never stood a chance.”

“How’d you form your team?”

“Same way you did. You prove you can get things done, and people join up. Mercs who wanted to atone, security consultants tired of playing by the rules. I gave them hope.” He spread his arms out, then after a beat, curled in on himself. “And now they are dead. Shows what I know.”

“Tell me about them,” she murmured into her knees.

He looked towards the ceiling. “There were twelve of us. Former military operatives, C-Sec agents, the usual. I had a Salarian explosives expert. Pretty sure he spent time in the special tasks group.” His good mandible pulled up. “My tech expert was a Batarian, believe it or not. Wasn’t the friendliest guy, but he could hack any system ever built.”

“How did the gangs find them?”

He turned to fix her with his thousand yard stare. “It was my own damn fault, Shepard. One of my people betrayed me. A Turian named Sidonis. He drew me away just before they attacked my squad, then disappeared. Everyone except me is dead because of him. And because I didn’t see it coming,” he lamented. Suddenly, he stood. “I lost my whole team because of Sidonis. One day, I’ll find him - preferrably with a bullet,” he spoke with a growl. 

“Have you asked Liara to see what she can find?”

“Not… yet… it didn’t seem like the right time to ask when we were on Illium.” He exhaled and sat.

Shepard nodded. “I’ll send her a message.” The silence stole over them again. She leaned her shoulder into his side. “I can’t sleep because of the guilt either. I understand how these things go. I’ve… had to detox in the past. I get it.”

“This isn’t like me, but the nightmares are... intense. I just wanted to feel numb, so I take a barbiturate. But for missions I need to stay alert, so I take a stim before. Round and round. Don’t worry Shepard. I was trying to cut back even before this.” He curled an arm around her shoulders.

“You weren’t trying to kill yourself?” The question hung heavily in the air between the two friends.

Garrus’s mandible was moving, but his face was inscrutable to her. Frustrating after all their time together. “No. I admit, when you found me on Omega, I thought that would be the best way and time to go. But I was more resigned to it than working towards it. This time, I just wanted to not remember their dead bodies for a few hours.”

“This is going to sound selfish coming from someone who already died, but... don’t leave me, Garrus.”

“Heh. Yeah, it does sound pretty selfish. But I don’t intend to.”

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

A week had passed. For most of that time, the Normandy had been mining or parked in Nos Astra for the retrofits Tali had requested. Shepard spent her time sparring with Thane, working out with Jacob, running drills with Grunt, and practicing biotics with Jack and now Samara. She had been beginning to feel stronger before Zaeed’s shitty little detour - so babying a bum arm through her usual routines was a disheartening setback. But the arm being out of commission somehow made focusing on her biotic pulls much easier, and with her two teachers, Shepard was starting to be more capable in the biotic department. Jack and Samara were a surprisingly effective duo who married patience and temperance with explosive strength. She’d given up entirely on the sleeping pills, choosing to deal with sleep disturbances in favor of keeping calories inside her body. That decision alone made a noticeable difference in her biotic strength. 

Dr. Chakwas had just removed the elbow cast, and, as always the first day back with no duty restrictions had her insides buzzing with adrenalin. The lift swished open and Shepard stepped out into a crowd of first-shift crewmen in the cargo bay. She halted to take in the chattering.

“What’s going on?” She spoke over the din. 

They quieted, and Ken stepped forward. “We just thought, with you being back to having two arms again, we would celebrate with a little...friendly...wager.” The engineer wriggled his eyebrows.

“Ken, you need to stick to Skyllian,” she smirked. 

Past the crowd, Thane stood looking bewildered. Jack’s yelling at Grunt from somewhere in the tote maze they’d set up on the other side of the bay echoed around.

“Aw, come on Commander. You wouldn’t purposefully lose your pilot his money, would you?” Joker called from the back. She parted the crewmen as she walked up to where he sat on a crate. 

“Purposefully? That depends. What’s the bet?”

Ken answered again. “Who’d win in hand-to-hand, you or Thane?”

She sighed. “And all of you are in on this?”

The little group murmured, and Kelly’s voice poked through. “Yeah and we came to oogle too. Its not fair you keep all the hunks to yourself!”

“Chambers, please. You realize I spend my time down here getting my ass kicked. And kicked some more, trying to get back into my handsome soldier physique. This isn’t a hot and heavy episode of whatever _Agape and Aliens_ thing you are watching.”

“It’s _Fleet and Flotilla_ , and you might like it, Shepard. Garrus does,” an accented voice called out.

The Commander rolled her eyes. “Not you too, Tali. You are supposed to be on my side here.”

“There’s no harm in looking.” She swore the Quarian was smiling under that helmet. 

“Is Gabby the only one on duty watching the engineers and the retrofits?” Both Tali and Ken looked away. “Jesus Christ,” she murmured.

“Come on Shep, don’t be a killjoy. It’s for morale.” Kasumi startled her, uncloaking right by her ear.

“Okay okay fine, just this one time.” The group cheered as she walked over to Thane, who, in his typical joggers, was already eliciting squeals from a portion of the crowd.

He fixed her with his inky black stare. “Shepard?” 

“The crew want to wager on our sparring. They are probably looking forward to some soft core porn.”

He blinked a few times. “What?”

“Ehhh… just...listen.” She unzipped her N7 hoodie and dropped it on the ground, revealing both her sports bra and leggings-covered rear-end. That set off a round of hooting and hollering from the crewmen.

“Oh. I… see. And you are okay with this?” He was studying her face.

“Well, we can just do what we always do. I suppose giving the flight crew a ground team show every now and then isn’t a bad idea. Build their confidence for the mission. Tim already contacted me about getting that IFF, he’s had a Cerberus team looking into it for awhile. We are close.” She flashed white teeth at him. “So kick my ass, Krios!”

The corners of his lips turned up in response, and she waltzed out into the middle of the mats, shaking out her left arm and bending it about over her head. It still felt stiff. Oh, Jacob had shown up too. Good, he would witness the fruits of his efforts in training her. 

“Hey Joker, what are my odds?”

“Not great Commander. Thane’s got you three to one.” 

She walked over to where her pilot was sitting. He was way too easy to mess with. “So, it sounds like I need a good luck kiss then.” He didn’t get enough time to move, just enough to widen his eyes before she grabbed his face with both hands and planted a dramatic, wet, kiss on his cheek.

“Eughck! Commander! Please! I’d like to have at least some dignity with this crew, Jesus!” He tore his hat off and rubbed his face into the sleeve of his fatigues.

“It was you that started that pool, wasn't it? Accept your punishment.” Shepard smirked.

Ken rushed forward. “Oooh, Commander it was me, I started it! And I am so great at good luck kisses!” 

The crewmen rumbled with laughter, and a multitude of hands patted both her and Ken on the back. Thane cfelt a barb of jealousy as he watched her interact with her crew. For someone who had spent so much of his life alone, it was fascinating and a bit painful how easily her comradery came. Eventually, she extracated herself from the little group and moved to the middle of the mats. 

“Are you ready Krios?” 

“If you are, Shepard.”

The two figures circled each other for a bit, the Commander throwing out half hearted jabs, feeling out what kind of mood he was in. Krios usually had some trick or another he liked to spring on her during their sessions. Tricks that tended to end painfully for her. He dashed, a blur of metallic green and a flash of red. She barely escaped him - scale slid across sweat slicked skin, and the crowd was raucous with cheers for them both. God, he was fast - it never ceased to amaze her, and send a little shiver of excitement into her stomach. If this was him with Keprals, imagining him in his ferocious younger prime REALLY got her blood pumping. She smiled as they traded lunges.

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

Garrus’s whole carapace was squeezing in on him. Every muscle in his body hurt from days of shaking, sweating, puking, and laying on hard infirmary beds. He was on the upswing from the pain pills and up on his feet at least. Even if everything was sore. He’d come down here to maybe stretch some of the stiffness out of his limbs but was surprised to be accosted by the noise of about thirty crewmen in the cargo bay. He skirted the wall behind them, content to keep the attention off of himself. With his height, he could see over their heads and watch Shepard and Thane circle each other. She feinted to the left but whirled around behind the Drell, striking out with the heel of her hand to his back. 

Huh. He’d seen her in battle hundreds of times, but never in melee that didn't end within milliseconds at the end of her omni-blade. Thane curved out of her reach and managed to hook his foot behind hers. She slammed to the ground with a yelp that made a growl tear out of his keel. His eyes darted around in embarrassment. Thank the Spirits the Humans were so deaf, that was at least one silver lining to turian life on a human vessel. Thane brought a knee down hard that she managed to roll backwards and away from. They were serious. How did she roll like that without crushing her own head with her body? He hoped she’d do it again so he could maybe catch the trick. 

The two bodies locked into a trading of deflections and footwork. Krios reached to grapple her around her middle, but she bent backwards, hands on the floor in a perfect arch. Her legs spun gracefully in the air and she contorted to plant her feet on the ground before lifting her torso up from that impossible angle. Garrus let his mandible drop open. What in the hell was that?! Thane must have thought the same because he fell forwards without the expected mass of her body there and rolled to his feet. The crewmen clapped and hollered.

Meanwhile, Garrus spent the next few minutes of their fight trying to sort out why that move sent a bolt of inexcusable desire straight to his groin plates. Spirits, there was no lying to himself about that one. He snorted - as if his dreams of late had been excusable either. 

Shepard was caught off guard as she stumbled backwards from a flurry of punches from the assassin. He struck out a wide kick that should have caught her right in her middle - but the Commander dropped to the mat, legs askew in splits. Garrus didn’t even get a second to enjoy that enticing display of flexibility before she shot up to hook a foot behind Krios’s head to drag him to the ground. She didn't miss the opportunity to jump on his back and pin him. Unfortunately, his longer arms and legs prevented that, and he rolled them, straddling her hips and pinning her arms to her sides. There was groaning and booing from the crew that was drowned out by the revelry of the rest. The sniper saw some credit chits change hands while Shepard was laying there, chest heaving. Every now and then it surprised him how similar his kind and Humans were. If he closed his eyes and turned off his translator he could be on a Turian ship, watching a sparring match. 

Thane leaned over her with a smug smile in place that caused an unheeded and unwanted growl to start back up in Garrus’s chest. Shepard twisted suddenly and got both of the tops of her feet criss crossed over his neck, before rocking forwards and wedging him between her and the ground. She knelt with his right arm wrapped inside her legs. He struggled to bend his other arm back to try and get a grip on her for a few seconds before tapping on the mat twice. Another uncomfortable jolt heated Garrus, but his mandible pulled up into a grin. That’a girl. There was a chorus of groaning and more credits changed hands. 

“Fuck yeah Shepard, kick his ass!” Jack’s voice rang out over all the others. 

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

Meals in the mess were much quieter with the crew on shore leave on Illium. Another five days had gone by, and Skyllian had resumed in the lounge with Ken and Gabby, along with drinking with Jack, Tali, and Kasumi. Shepard and Zaeed had even found a way around to being comfortable in each other’s presence again. Just when things seemed right for the first time since her death, that’s when she received an email from Hackett. They’d all be reeaaaal grateful if she would rendezvous with an Alliance ship to pick up a memorial to place on Alchera. She read through the message again. Seriously? Shepard stood from her desk and walked down the steps to pace the length of her room. This was the first she’d heard from Admiral Hackett at all since she came back. For a few minutes, she contemplated taking Tali or Garrus with her… but if there was even a chance of some sort of… breakdown… it was better to go it alone. “Joker?” 

“Yeah Commander?”

“Set course for Alchera once the crew returns from shore leave.”

“Commander?”

“Hackett wants me to place a memorial for the SR1 crew at the wreckage. An Alliance ship will be in system to bring it to us.”

“And you’re okay with that?”

“I don't know. At least it’s not as likely to be vandalized as the one on Torfan. But I want to see if I can collect any tags.”

“Roger….Commander.” 

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

The arguing of the original remaining members of the SR1 was the only tip off that anything was amiss. Vakarian had been in the med bay more frequently, that much Thane knew. Their voices carried out of the infirmary and through the mess. Jack sat silently on one of the tables, her feet in a chair. Thane stopped mid trek to watch what was happening inside the clinic. Somehow it triggered unease in him.

Joker jumped up off of a cot with surprising speed and got right in the sitting Turian’s space. “God dammit Garrus, don’t make me break my hand on your fucking face! See reason!”

Garrus stood to his full imposing height and picked the smaller man up by a fistful of his shirt. “Stop expecting me to fix your mistakes, Moreau!”

The pilot flinched as if he had been hit. Dr. Chakwas and Tali both squeezed in between the two men. Garrus let him down and Chakwas fussed over Joker. Both women were speaking, but Thane couldn’t hear more than their murmuring. Tali was gesturing wildly, whatever she was saying caused the Turian to sit back down and drop his head into his hand.

Miranda had come out of her office now and was standing with her arms folded just next to the kitchen.

“I’ve never heard Joker or bird boy raise their voices before.” Jack’s speech caught Thane off guard.

The dread that had settled in his stomach was growing with each passing second the atmosphere grew darker on the crew deck. “Where is Shepard?”

“She’s planet side on Alchera,” Miranda answered.

His confusion must have been clear as Jack was looking at him like she pitied him. That just made his insides grow colder.

“Alchera is where she died,” the biotic murmured.

“The Alliance asked her to put a memorial up at the wreckage site,” Miranda finished. 

“She went down alone?” He croaked. 

Jack nodded. 

“How long has she been gone?”

Miranda pulled up her omni-tool. “About six hours.”

Just as she spoke, the Commander rounded the corner from the lift and strode into the room. She was wearing just her usual chest covering and a pair of shorts, but her skin was an angry red, as if she had just ripped her undersuit off with no care at all for her own flesh. Her eyes landed on Miranda, and she made a beeline for her. From behind her back she produced something black and red, slamming it down on the table closest to her XO. The noise made Jack flinch and quieted the raised voices from the med bay. It was a helmet. She stood with one hand on the top of it, staring down her XO. The crew deck was hushed. Garrus, Tali, and Joker emerged from the infirmary. A tinkling sound caught Thane’s attention, and he peered down. In her other hand she held the chains of Human military tags. He felt his heart constrict painfully for her. 

Finally, she murmured. “You might want to scrape out whatever is left in there, Miranda. I think that will explain why something seems like it’s missing here.” She pointed at her head. “And I think you know what I’m talking about.” She blew out a long breath while Miranda stared at her, stoney faced. “Whatever. Too late now, I’ve got messages to write.” She turned and locked eyes with Joker. “Set course for the rescue beacon of the Hugo-Gernsback that Jacob has provided.”

“Yes, Commander,” he replied.

She made her way back to the lift. . The only sound on the deck came from the jangling of the dog tags. The doors of the lift closed, and then there was silence.

It was some time before Tali breathed out. “Keelah, it’s _her_ helmet.”

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

“Is everything alright? The water has been on for a long-” Thane’s gravelly voice yanked her bodily from a whirlwind of thoughts. 

Shepard’s brain struggled to comprehend the meaning of the words her translator had so diligently provided to her. She snapped her eyes closed against the sudden harsh lighting of the bathroom. 

“Shepard? What are you doing?!” The urgency of his tone caused her to drag her lids open again. 

“What?” she asked, confused. What had she just been thinking about? She was in the bathroom on the crew deck? Where had Thane come from? 

Before the Commander gathered her wits to react, a hand closed around her bicep, yanking her out from under the spray of the shower head. 

“Hey!” Had she said that right? Her tongue seemed slow. She squinted at the Drells silhouette.

“Siha, you’re scalding yourself!” He whirled and hit the controls. The water didn’t turn off, and he spat something in his native language that didn’t translate, something harsh - a curse? Before whipping out his omni-tool and holding it up to the shower interface. A few taps later, and the water cut off. For a few moments, the dripping fixture echoed in the bathroom.

Thane spun back around to face her. She blinked rapidly against the glare of the lights he had turned on as he entered. Her skin was seared an angry, splotchy red where she had been under the shower head. He regarded her carefully, wishing he knew more about Human anatomy - that color couldn’t mean anything good. She stood perfectly still, arms lax at her sides, with a confused look, like he’d just ruined her vacation instead of finding her attempting bodily harm.

His expression rubbed her the wrong way immediately. Judgement? Pity? Both were insulting. 

He reached out an emerald hand and laid it gingerly on her arm. “Siha, wha-”

As soon as his palm touched her she flinched away, skidding on wet feet across the metal floors. He had to stop himself from grabbing her out of the fall. She righted herself, chest heaving.

“I’m fine. The water in my quarters wasn’t warm enough. Alchera is frozen, you know?” Honestly? She didn’t have a memory on how or why she got here. Snatches of Saren’s face revolved through the darkness of her memories, along with a fist full of dog tags and a gut clenching hissing noise that burned through her thoughts. Fuck, she was really loosing it.

They both knew it was a shaky excuse as they looked at each other. The water temperature across the ship had to be the same, and suit heaters existed - there's no way she could have withstood Alchera’s temperatures without one working. She had never experienced the planet’s whipping gale on her flesh, not even for a second - not while alive at least. Now she knew that she had lain on its surface. Where she should still be, with her soldiers. She squeezed her eyes closed, willing away the images so conjured behind her lids. She’d found some of her crew had survived the Normandy’s crash and walked out of the wreckage, just to die feet away in Alchera’s harsh atmosphere. Snow covered, frozen corpses were stark in the crisp white snow banks that drifted around the shattered hull of their ship. She’d crawled over her own men and women, wading through drifts to excavate as many tags as she could, but suspected more resided at the bottom of the ravine the SR1 had landed near, or up on the cliffs surrounding the ship that were too tall for her to scale without equipment. 

She needed to breathe. Shepard sucked in deep gulps of air, trying to calm herself as imposter syndrome blanketed and muted everything else spinning in her head. She wasn’t the person who laid on that planet. Which meant, what the fuck was she? Did Cerberus possess the technology to implant the actual Commander Shepard’s memories into a clone - or worse, a Reaper machine? 

Thane took a step towards her, the motion abruptly cutting short her internal warring. “We should get you to the infirmary.” His brow ridge furrowed deeply as he watched her.

She must have looked absolutely insane, buck naked and dripping water all over the floor of the crew bath. “No, no its fine, I’m not hurt. You need to get out of here, its… humid” She spun to find her clothes laying in a pile near the door. Thank god. 

The Commander hurriedly threw her hoodie over herself. “I’ve… I’ve got to finish writing emails to the families.” She glanced over her shoulder at the assassin before tearing out of the bathroom.

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

Something wasn’t right. Thane sighed, unable to tear his eyes away from her form. Well, it was more accurate to say something hadn’t been right since the moment he’d met her. A puzzling revelation considering he’d known the Commander for mere months, as he didn’t have the time the Turian had had with her so he couldn't really judge what was right or wrong with nothing else to compare it to. But his scales crawled when she moved. 

_Anytime_ she moved. 

On the ship or in battle, just a breath from her put him on edge. There were a few likely explanations for his incapability of ignoring her. One, she’d been a sign, someone dropped into his life in his darkest moments, pushing him when he’d all but given up. Two, she needed him. Well, she’d asked for his help… and over the weeks following the breadth of that help had morphed. And three, well three was something he didn’t want to admit to. Not now. It was far too late afterall. Keprals had never seemed like anything more than a just punishment he accepted, gladly even. But, watching her slight back rise and fall, it was much more the curse most had described it. Why had the gods waited until now to bring them together? What was the purpose? He’d wasted so many years in battle sleep - _years_ of better physical fitness in the earlier stages of his disease. 

Thane closed his eyes in the dark of the cargo bay. No, he wouldn’t let himself suffer remorse like that again. She stirred, the soft rustling of her clothing against the folded training mat tore him from a precipice of thoughts he didn’t want to traverse. 

Why did she avoid her cabin so often? Clearly there was more at play here than the difficulty of eliminating the Collector threat. Why had he found her in the crew bathrooms earlier in the night cycle? Thane blew out another breath and sat on the mats she had her head propped on. Shepard whimpered quietly in her sleep and it clicked. Watching someone drown in a substance he couldn’t even see, much less hope to combat, was why his unease was so pronounced.

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

“Uhh, Commander? Jack and Miranda are… in the middle of a disagreement. Can you head them off before they tear out a bulkhead?” Joker’s jovial voice echoed in the cargo bay.

Shepard groaned and shakily lowered herself from the apex of the push up. “I’ll deal with it.”

“Thanks Commander. Take pictures!” The pilot shut the com line.

She laid there for a moment. Did the children really need to fight when Momma needed some quality R&R and maybe a shrink? Shepard snorted to herself.

The soldier let loose a long sigh as she pushed herself off the floor.

“You okay Commander?” Jacob spoke.

“Yeah yeah, just annoyed. I’ll be back in a few.”

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

Minutes later, Shepard rounded the wall of the elevator and found the two biotic women had swept chairs up from the tables. Miranda was using a few as shields, spinning them around herself with her biotics, and Jack was launching the pieces of furniture at the operative. Dr. Chakwas and Gardner were standing off to the side, looking beside themselves.

“I will smear the walls with you BITCH!” Jack screeched.

The Commander really needed to get Samara to teach her that shield thing. Instead, she settled for a charge. Shepard tore across the room in a blue streak, smashing into one of the hovering chairs, sending it sailing into the wall with a crash. She touched down between both women. 

“That is ENOUGH! Knock it off, both of you!” she boomed.

Jack took a step back, but began pacing. She stopped to point an accusatory finger at the unflapped brunette. “The cheerleader won't admit that what Cerberus did to me was wrong!

Miranda folded her arms. “It wasn’t Cerberus, not really. Though _clearly_ you were a mistake.” The venom in her voice was indisputable despite her cool exterior.

“Fuck you! You have no idea what they put me through!” Jack stepped forward again, her fists aglow. Shepard stepped into her, blocking line of sight to the operative.

“She's completely unstable Shepard, she is jeopardizing this whole mission!” Lawson hissed.

“You both know what we are up against and this is how you act?! If we even survive this mission, you can tear each other apart for all I fucking care, but on MY ship you will obey. Save your anger for the Collectors!” the N7 barked.

Surprisingly it was Miranda who furrowed her brow and opened her mouth like she was going to say something. Shepard pinned her with an icy look. Luckily, she thought better of it and shut it.

Jack took another step back. “Fine Shepard. I’ll make sure she lives just so I can rip her apart myself.” The biotic turned on one foot and stomped off towards the lift.

Once the boot-falls diminished, she spun to her XO. “Miri, Jesus.” The Commander blew out a breath. “I expect this from her, but you? You realize that out of everyone you’ve probably ever met, that girl has the closest story to your own, right? Only hers is that much more horrible. Can’t you wrestle up a modicum of empathy or patience?”

“As long as she does her job, we’ll be fine, Shepard.” Miranda turned to stalk back to her office.

The soldier rolled her eyes. “Fucking children. The least they could have done was pick up these damn chairs,” she grumbled and bent to right one of the plastic seats.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just hang with me here Garrus fans, I'm gonna put you through the wringer for awhile but I WILL reward you. Lol! Ultimately I am a Shakarian stan through and through. As for the Shrios fans, I sometimes defect a little, so happy birthday soon! As always, thank you thank you for making it this far!


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains a rather explicit sex scene that has been marked with asterisks (*) for those who wish to skip it. This is definitely the most dark mission across three games, so trigger warning for implied rape and just general wtf-evil-ness.

“That can’t be right, my father was the first officer.” Jacob ran a hand through his cropped locks. A drop of sweat slipped down the side of his jaw.

This planet was humid and hot, wrapped in dense foliage they’d had to hack through from their shuttle location to the wreck. Shepard leaned back, palm up to shade her eyes, to get a full view of the Hugo Gernsback. Its steep hull jutted into the sky from where it sat precariously on a cliff’s edge overhanging a body of water. 

The beacon VI answered him. “Ronald Taylor was promoted under emergency protocols.”

“Where are the survivors?” Jacob asked with a tinge of irritation. She understood. If the damn VI said ‘unscheduled sub orbital descent’ one more time….

“The location of the remaining crew of the Hugo Gernsback is unknown. This beacon has been unattended for several maintenance cycles. Activation was triggered remotely after 8 years, 37 days and 7 hours by authority of acting Captain, Ronald Taylor. Pause was recorded as, record deleted.” The program’s holo image flickered ominously.

“God, he’s alive.” Shepard mumbled.

Tali sighed and placed a three fingered hand on the operative’s shoulder. “Jacob… after what the VI said about the plants causing neural decay… he might not be the man you remember.”

Jacob nodded. “Yeah… yeah, I get that. Let's go see if we can find anything inside the ship.”

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

The few intelligible crew logs on the ship's remaining powered terminals sent chills up her spine. But that didn’t even compare to what she was seeing now. They’d found one of the survivors, a woman about her age. She’d led them a ways across a field to an encampment of dilapidated huts made of sticks and skins. The only people left of the surviving crew were female… with a multitude of children. Everywhere she looked as she stepped through the knee high golden grass, a small set of eyes was peeking at her from a tent, or little feet were sent scurrying. The man’s voice from the audio log on the ship was echoing over and over in her head. ‘She was always sharp and angry, threatened to report me once. But now she is so… innocent. Blank. They all are. And that look she gives me when she smiles. What’s the harm? We are gonna be here awhile.’ 

As Jacob came up behind her, many of the women fled to their tents. 

“You have his face! He promised to call the sky, but he sends nothing.” One shouted before retreating. 

An older woman turned to the Commander. “He forced us to eat… to decay!” She pointed a finger at Jacob. “You are cursed with his face! Like the others.”

Like the others. Shepard stood frozen as a little boy who looked exactly like Taylor, darted between the huts.

Tali’s gasp was immediate. She’d seen him too.

“No. No, no, we didn’t see eye to eye, sure, but he wasn’t the kind of man that would force his crew to eat contaminated food.” Jacob shook his head like he was more trying to convince himself.

The lump in her throat was choking her as she tried to speak. “Jacob… did you see that kid?” She pointed at the hut he’d disappeared into. 

“This one too.” Tali’s voice was mournful as she motioned to another child, probably about six, who was hiding behind his Mother’s legs.

Jacob’s sharp inhalation said he saw.

“Go away! You are like him! You will keep us here!” Someone yelled. 

“No, he keeps us, protects us, and we please him like he demands.” Someone else murmured.

A swelling of bile crept up as dark thoughts consumed her consciousness. The neural decay caused by the food on this planet had reduced the crewmen to the mentality of children, but wasn't kind enough to go further. They knew. They knew and understood what he’d been doing to them. A dark skinned woman timidly approached as the three Normandy crew surveyed the camp.

“We’ve been waiting for the sky people to save us,” She took a datapad from the toddler on her hip and handed it to Jacob. “We _need_ the sky, please take us to the sky.”

Jacob took the object and immediately began scrolling through it.

Tali spun on the ball of her foot. “Keelah, are those graves?” She spoke breathily as she pointed at the edge of the campground where stones were arranged rather purposefully.

Shepard forded the grass to take a closer look and sucked in a breath. Yes. That’s exactly what they were. Some of them smaller than the rest. They still knew to respect their dead and bury them. She tore her eyes from them and forced herself to focus on their mission. “Jacob, what’s that thing say?” 

He had a hand on his forehead, his eyes wide as he scrolled. “Crew logs. Initially they needed to repair the beacon and reserved rations for officers needed for that. They repaired it, but after a year, every single male crew member is either dead or exiled. They separated out the women… and… assigned them to officers, like pets. Then within a week of the beacon being repaired, all the remaining officers are recorded dead. What he allowed here Shepard… I don't see any justification. Nine years… why wouldn't he set this right?!”

“Why would he, when he has his own personal harem in a tropical retirement? He sent the mechs after the men and he’s calling now because the rations are finally running out. He doesn't want to become one of the drooling masses.” Shepard spat.

Jacob’s brows furrowed before he shook his head in disbelief. “Come on, we need to find this bastard.”

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

It had been… completely fucked. Worse than a goddamn horror movie. Shepard still sat in the shuttle in her full gear, struggling to wrap her head around what had taken place nearly four hours ago. Never in her wildest dreams did she think they would find what they did. 

The Hugo-Gernsback’s commanding officers had purposefully given their crew the choice to starve or eat the local flora… Shepard dropped her head into her hands as the stale, recycled air of the Normandy pressed down on her. Ten years! TEN YEARS Jacob’s father had trapped his crewmen on that God forsaken planet. And the only reason the evil bastard even sent the SOS was because his rations were running out. Jacob had been angry and ashamed, of course. The man deserved a hell of a lot worse said to him than what Jacob had said; he deserved to be dumped in a prison full of sexually deviant Vorcha for ten years. But Jacob had handed him his gun and let him salvage the one shred of dignity he could. The man ate a bullet. 

Shepard stood and hurled her armor off her under suit as fast as she could. They should have gone as soon as he got that message! She’d personally left those women to suffer for weeks! While there was no way they could have anticipated survivors of a ten-year-old crash, that did little to assuage her raging guilt.

“Fuck!” she screamed.

All the faces she’d seen as she walked the encampment were replaying in her head. Their mental degradation had been severe, but they could still sort-of talk. Perhaps they could come back from it. But even if they could, what kind of mercy would that be? Maybe she should have put a bullet in everyone there. That was the only kindness she saw after all they’d been through. A few of those women were obviously pregnant… He’d still been raping them - all the way to the end he’d been insatiable, cruel, sadistic, and so selfish it was inhuman. She curled in on herself, clutching her knees to her chest. There’d been so many children….so many small faces peering out of the tents at her, of all ages. Some had been nearly teenagers. And the graves.... how many women died in childbirth from a lack of medical care? Did that bastard care at all? No. The other women had buried their fallen, she was sure of it. So many little faces that looked so much like Jacob. She choked back a sob.

It was just like some backwards little barbaric religious colony you read about from centuries ago. It was the 2100s and Humans had achieved glorious space and racial diversity and had finally found tolerance for their fellow man! They’d spread colonies across the galaxy! They had come together so much, choosing to forsake their dark pasts… and yet. When left alone they were still just animals. No, worse. Worse than varren. Shame coursed through her veins. What she’d just witnessed had spat in the face of every accomplishment she had strived for. Humans shouldn’t be allowed on the council, or as Spectres. Fuck, why did she even care if the Reapers came and annihilated them all? What was the point of saving anything capable of such monstrosity?

There was a tapping sound against the hull of the shuttle. Shepard raised her head from her knees. Thane. He was standing in the doorway, looking at her. What was with this guy? Did he have radar for her worst moments or what? She put her head back down; he didn’t need to see The Butcher of Torfan near tears. The creaking of his leathers was audible as he sat next to her. They sat that way in the silence for a long time. 

Eventually he spoke. “I overheard Miss Zorah confiding in Kasumi and Jack about what happened.”

“Oh? Then you already know.” Her speech wavered, and she paused for a few beats, trying to control her breathing. “That us Humans aren't worth saving. You should go comfort her, not me. In fact, all of you should get the hell off this ship and leave us to our own fucking problems.”

“Siha, you don’t mean that. All species have… outliers. All of us have our dark histories. None of us are particularly deserving as a whole.”

“Thane, please. I don’t need your holy preachy good guy shit. Just let me hate myself and my kind, okay? I just need a few days of hate and things can go back to normal.” He touched her back. It was like pouring an accelerant on fire. Shepard jumped away so hard she bounced off the wall of the shuttle. 

His expression changed for once. His eyes were wide, mouth slightly open. Shocked.

“Krios you son of a bitch! Leave me alone! What part of I don’t deserve your kindness do you not get?!” Shit. She heard that slip of the tongue. She still tried to recover it. “ _We_ don’t deserve your sympathy, your pro bono work, your skill, NOTHING! We deserve everything we get at the hands of the Reapers!”

“Siha. You haven't slept, you’ve barely eaten, you are under an extreme amount of stress - I can’t just watch you go through this and leave you alone.”

“You can shove this Siha business up your ass, Krios! I’m not anyone’s protector, okay?! I’m just an angry woman who would let her own kind perish after what she just witnessed! Don’t you understand that your kindness is poison?!” Shepard’s voice cracked as she shrieked. “You didn’t see how many children were there. You didn’t see their faces… women heavy with child, the graves. You didn’t hear them begging for the sky people to save them.” Her eyes widened, and she continued in a whisper. “If you had, it would be one of my worst cruelties… you’d never be able to forget.” She slid down the shuttle hull to a heap on the ground.

His heart tore. He had seen this coming. Watched her struggle and waste from the moment he stepped aboard. He saw what everyone else saw, of course too: how she blazed brightly on the battlefield. Arashu had crafted her, that much was clear. He’d just as easily seen her injuries, even the ones she tried to hide. He’d seen her war with herself far too many times. But who protects the protector? Perhaps Arashu intended for his last days to be spent in such service? Or perhaps that was too lofty. Maybe he was just a man entranced by the brightest star in the sky. Every cell in his being screamed for her. He bent and lifted her into his embrace, sitting back on his haunches. She didn’t resist, just laid limply for a few beats before she wrapped her arms tightly around him and buried her face in his neck. Thane tucked an arm under her knees and stood to walk them to the lift. The ride up was impossibly quiet.

Inside her cabin, the lights didn’t come up as they entered. The room remained lit by nothing but the blue glow of an empty fish tank. He carefully tapped down the stairs and suddenly her aversion to her cabin made sense. Tangled bedsheets adorned a mattress that didn’t even smell like her. A meal bar sat abandoned on the coffee table, only two bites gone. Clothes were strewn about. It was obvious she spent as little time here as possible. He set her down on the bed, grabbed an empty cup from her dresser, and walked to the bathroom to get her some water. When he entered, the lights came on automatically to reveal a spider cracked mirror and dried blood droplets across the sink and on the floor leading out. He glanced back at her. She had moved to prop herself against the wall her bed was against. How long ago had she done this? He didn’t remember her hands being injured. He filled the glass and strode back to her side, setting it on the nightstand and perching himself on the edge of her mattress.

Watching her caused a hollow, useless feeling inside of him. Just the presence of this feeling meant he was already invested more than he cared to admit. Dangerous. She was staring at both of her palms in her lap, and sat that way for some time before she finally spoke, so quietly he had to lean forward to hear.

“Thane.” Her eyes were impossibly large. “What am I suffering, clawing, and fighting for? I don’t even know I’m me…” she gasped quietly. “What if I’m still floating over Alchera, and this has all been oxygen starved synapse firing…”

He leaned towards her. “Shepard, you are alive, you are here with me.” Emerald palms cupped her face. “I know you are having a crisis of faith, understandable after what you’ve seen… I can tell you why you fight but you need to remember it for yourself. And no matter what you think, even if I must tell you hundreds of times, you are worthy of kindness, mine or otherwise. You are not a robotic soldier. You don’t have to force yourself to do it alone. You are a woman, a human, and if you need help ask.”

“Thane, I appreciate what you are trying to do, but you just don't understand what you are saying,” she sighed. “I am not the person you think I am… this is a weak, mentally unstable version of Shepard.” She slid away from him and stood. “Commander Shepard was strong, un-breaking. She led with courage, her crewmen on the SR1 were her family. That Shepard suffocated and burned, and was buried with honor and respect.” She moved to her dresser and started tugging the under suit off. “The Shepard that came back… she is scared… broken… her friends don’t trust her or drug themselves out in the battery. And they shouldn’t trust her. Who knows what Cerberus’s endgame is here? What kind of pawn has she become? She is a shell that takes pills to sleep and can’t keep her food down.” She bent to pull the jumpsuit off of her feet, and the bones of her spine and ribs stuck out as if illustrating her point. She stayed in the crouch, wrapping her arms around her legs. “This Shepard is one that, without entirely pure reasons, would take your kindness, and grasp it like she was drowning.”

Thane considered the back in front of him. She thought she was a different person, that somehow Cerberus had done something to her. A discordant union of body and soul explained much of her reactions. And that was certainly something a Drell could understand. Perhaps it wasn't an accident that he was here after all. 

Buoyed, he crouched over her and wrapped his arms along her collar. “Drell believe that the body and the mind are separate. The body is a vessel of flesh that we accept is not always under our control. After Irikah… I entered into battle sleep. My soul paid no attention to what my body was doing. I took the Dantius commission because I had nothing left. Looking back now, I had resigned myself to death. I kept thinking I would fulfil my contract, and if Nassana’s guards caught me afterwards, so be it. It would have been a good death. But someone else was pushing to reach the target first. Pushing me to move faster. Challenging me.” He squeezed his arms around her. “You are the first friend I’ve made in ten years. I said my arm is yours, to whatever end we face. Even if you drown me with you, I’m already a dying man whose intentions are no more pure than yours.” He brought her closer into his chest and lowered his voice. “So grasp, Siha.”

Shepard turned in his embrace and wrapped her arms around his chest. Thane dropped his head and brushed his lips against the pulse of her neck. In her distress, her body’s reaction was overplayed - biotics rippled across her open skin in response. In the soft light of her room it was easy to focus on his touch and use it to drag herself out of the deep spiral of dark thoughts she had been warring with internally. “Thane.”

He had been feeling some trepidation in the face of their ill defined relationship - but when she whispered his name like that - like a reverent plea - Thane’s self control stretched paper thin and his resolve hardened. It was simple; he had developed a tenderness for this slight but unyielding creature. And neither could deny the crackling licks of attraction between them since the moment they’d laid eyes on each other at Dantius Towers. 

“Shepard, I have never felt affection for another species. I’m not entirely sure how to proceed.” He was silenced by a soft mouth upon his own and hands on either side of his face.

“Just touch me,” she murmured against his lips. Thane nodded, threading a hand through her hair to the back of her head and curled the other under her thigh. He pulled her into his lap bodily and tipped her head into his. She ran the tip of her tongue along the bifurcation of his lip and was rewarded with a raspy groan that opened him for her exploration. Drell teeth were relatively similar to Human, but it was her turn to suck in a breath when a split tongue rose to meet her, both tongue tips warring with her own. He didn’t give her even a moment to appreciate that as the fist in her hair pulled her head to the side so he could delve deeper. Small fingers glided gingerly over his frill while he explored her mouth until Shepard gasped for air. He tipped his head back to give her more access to his neck, sliding his palms along the smooth warmth of Human skin. He closed his eyes, enjoying the raised bumps caused in his wake.

A lick at his frill while he was unfocused tore a sudden memory of Irikah from him - it played out over top Shepard disconcertingly and he yanked her back by the shoulders until it had passed. She was blinking quizzically at him when he next opened his eyes. 

“I’m sorry Siha, it has been… a long time,” The sadness in his tone caused a tightness in her chest.

“Don’t be sorry, please tell me if something is uncomfortable.” She sat back. 

He reached forward and ran fused fingers through her long locks, his eyes searching her face. They remained like that for a few moments. “Siha, are you alright?” She was blinking a bit too slowly, pupils too big.

“Hmm? Why?” She considered for a beat. “Actually, it seems brighter in here,” she turned to see the aquarium bathed in a halo of light. Hmm. She swiveled back to Thane and his coloring _was_ intense for what had been the dim light of the tanks, a halo also surrounding him. “You are very green.” She smiled.

It clicked. “Oh, my venom - Shepard, I should have warned you. Drell don’t think about it amongst their own kind, but I should have realized it would affect you. I apologize.” He pulled her back forward to plant a kiss on her cheek. “Don’t worry, I’ve seen Humans drink Drell venom in cocktails. It’s effects should be mild.”

She leaned up on her knees and tipped his head back. “If you had addictive properties, you should have told me ages ago, we should have done this sooner.” She smirked before crashing them back together, tongues diving into each other’s depths. His palms found her ass and squeezed appreciatively, and she pulled her fingers from the ruffles at his neck to drag his hands up to her breasts. He clasped both, running his thumbs over the mounds, when he grazed over her nipples a wanton groan fell from her into his mouth. That reaction caused him to push both hands up under the material at her chest, pulling it up and over. He repeated his ministrations now on soft, warm skin, her noises of appreciation pushing him further.

*

Shepard leaned back with a sigh to give him better access, dragging her nails across the scales on the back of his head before guiding him to ravish her breasts with that interesting tongue. She busied her hands tracing the lines of his darker scales, until his digits wandered around the curve of her backside and slid forward along the fabric of her underwear, brazenly crossing her folds. The simple act sent a pulse of aching anticipation shivering up her spine, and a crackle of biotics roiled over her skin again. She pushed the coat from his shoulders to desperately search for the buckles of his skintex jumpsuit. 

Thane chuckled, breath warming the saliva he’d left behind on her chest. “Patience, Siha.”

“One of your virtues, not mine.” Deciding a little motivation was in order, she lowered herself onto his lap and rolled her hips deliciously against the growing hardness of a thankfully familiar erection. The needy noise the action pulled from the assassin was exactly what she’d been hoping for, but she wasn't prepared for the electric jolt it would send to her core too. He fumbled a bit but quickly tore the suit down to his hips despite her renewed attention to his sensitive neck frill. She’d seen his chest before, but having it displayed and touchable was glorious. He was all muscle, sinew, and scale. Drell didn’t have nipples or navels, but recognizable chest and abdominal muscles were present. In her venom influenced state he was even more striking than usual, a soft halo obscured her peripheral vision but the emerald and ruby of him was stark and bright. He had another red frill area just under his chest that ran a few inches down his sides that had called to her for inspection during their sparring sessions. Probing fingers were everywhere. Thane leaned back on his arms to savor the soft ministrations. Her touches traveled down over fluttering stomach muscles and he sucked in a breath as she glided over the taut v at his hips. His scales lessened here, giving a peek of the same emerald skin of his palms.

“Siha,” he groaned as her hand stroked over his arousal. Hips lifted, and he hooked his thumbs into the skintex once more, to slowly drag the material over his pelvis and down.

So far Drell and Human were remarkably similar, but some things stood to remind her they were on a different evolutionary track. This was definitely something standing to remind her - he had _two._ The bifurcation continued here, with two fairly distinct phalluses stacked on top of one another encased together in verdant skin, fused like his middle digits. The red frill returned in small sections just on either side of the base. They both curved upwards, the underside one slightly shorter, both again had a rounded, bumpy head. 

Thane’s trepidation creeped back the longer she stared. She’d been touchy up until this point. He dragged a palm up her arm - that seemed to snap her out of it. “Is it… okay?”

The hesitation and lack of confidence in his tone made her smile. She could almost picture how he must have been as a child. A harsh difference from the smooth, sexy, extraordinarily competent person he normally was. 

She reached down tentatively to trace his manhood, calculating in her head. Mmm, still close enough in size. It should work out. “Thane, you are gorgeous. If your sex appeal hasn’t been useful to you on your hits, I’ll be shocked.”

He smirked at that. “It might have come up once or twice.” The more sanguine tone came out a bit strangled as he held a breath while she touched him. He let her for a few moments. Then, he wrapped an arm around the small of her back and hauled her into his chest so he could pull her underwear down and off. She sat on her knees to give him a sublime full view. He stretched his hands over the hard muscles of her stomach, thumbs grazing the edge of a curious hole in the middle, before letting them glide down across the tops of her thighs, his thumbs just passing through a small patch of more red hair. She inhaled audibly as he neared the apex of her mound. He blinked, searching her face as he ran his thumb across a barely seen hooded nub and continued across her sex. Her heat and wetness radiated even out here, causing a stab of white-hot desire through his gut, tightening and twitching. Her eyes scrunched shut at the stimulation of the nub, so of course he had to slide his fused fingers back to front along her again before pressing a thumb pad into it. She startled and gasped - a sound that tore straight through his strained self control.

He pressed forefingers inside, testing, slow. Human women were well self lubricating - a revelation. She writhed forwards into him, encouraging him. He moved, curled, and reached, eliciting wondrous noises from a battle hardened warrior that sent licks of heat burning through every nerve ending he possessed. She rested her hands on his shoulders for support and bowed her head over his. He discovered a spot near the front of her that caused delicious muscles to shudder around his fingers. He withdrew, and meticulously worked her exterior again, while her hips bucked and thighs quivered. Humans were a marvel, their hide so soft, delicate, and sensitive to touch. Waves of bumps appeared and disappeared along its surface in response to him. His member strained and trembled at her sounds and scorching heat. He pushed his fused digits carefully in and wondered vaguely if this was really going to work - she stretched enticingly but… he reached again for that spot, this time with some force while his thumb rubbed a circle into her clit. His name stammered out of her lips and he was lost. 

She clutched at his shoulders and pulled her legs up to drop herself onto his thighs, Shepard was at the end of her rope, but apparently so was he. Thane greedily grabbed her ass with both hands and ground her sweet warmth along his length, his hot breath on her collar.. Suddenly, supple tongue tips were at her nipple and he was guiding his heads up through her entrance. She angled forward to accept him. The odd dual heads seemed amazing at first, straight out of a sex toy ad. He thrusted shallowly, and she was quickly reminded this body was new again. The burning and stretching dragged her from the moment and crushed her with a boulder of out-of-body experience. She really wasn’t the same person. At all. The thought was a shadowy figure that was always perched at a ledge, just itching to throw her over. No. Shepard steeled herself and focused her haloed gaze on Thane’s verdant scales. Willing herself back to their carefree exploits. 

Shepard used her grip on his shoulders to push herself down, down until he was fully hilted. Her hiss of pain as he sheathed hauled him from his reverie. 

“Siha? Are you okay?” He pulled back from her neck to cradle her face, thumbs brushing along her cheeks. Her eyes were crushed closed, her heavy breaths perfectly in time with his own.

“Yeah...it’s. Um. I’m just realizing I haven't really,” she trailed off. He planted comforting kisses across open skin. “I haven’t done this with this body before so… it’s a bit painful, but give me a few minutes, I’ll adjust.”

His brow furrowed, unconvinced. But he nodded. She did sit still for a while, controlling her breathing. Finally, she clenched and unclenched experimentally. Yeah, not so bad. Thane groaned and leaned back on his arms, drinking in the sight of their joining. 

She kept contracting her muscles, eventually moving on to wriggling herself on top of him. He sucked in breaths desperately, flexing his fingers, trying not to grab her hips and bury himself furiously into her pliant, hot flesh as she tried to adjust to him. He didn't want to rush her or hurt her. But maybe he could help. He leaned into her, gathering her to him. Again dual tongue tips searched across her breasts and his thumb found her clit, massaging delicate circles. She angled herself to pull upwards with her thighs and he cursed loudly. She moved just an inch before settling back down. 

“Okay, I think it will be fine,” she announced quietly and pulled his mouth back to hers before grinding down hard into him. It was his turn to hiss, and he grabbed her ass feverishly to respond in kind. She lifted herself on strong thighs, gliding lasciviously along his length. He matched her thrust for thrust, lifting her lithely at the hips. He’d wanted to go slowly, but her sweet heat pulsed around him so tightly he was sucked into her pace. He whispered her name like a chant into her chest. Shepard mischievously leaned backwards and planted her hands on his knees. She paused for a moment, before undulating her hips forward, legs splayed to rub along his length at a new angle, bared for his eyes.

Her previous dark thoughts were leaking through her pores, being slowly replaced with touch and pleasure. Electricity and biotics burned through every nerve, proving she was alive. Every shuddering movement, every twitch of him made it easier to believe she wasn’t still floating through the void. Or perhaps made her care less if she was. Flushed, glistening, lips bumped along the veins of his cock deliciously, her head thrown back. He cursed again.

Before she could process what had happened, he toppled her and yanked her hips forward to rest on his thighs. He hovered above her on muscular arms, pushing her knees out to her sides. He thrust down deliberately and calmly. Stroke after agonizing stroke he bored twin shafts slowly through her folds. Shepard arched her back and cursed. Her release had been building steadily before the assassin had flipped them. 

Now she was unable to get leverage enough in this position to move her hips to meet him and speed along the euphoric torture.

She groaned. “Thane, please.”

He chuckled, continuing his pace languidly, enjoying the range of emotions on her face. He blinked, and abruptly he was inside a stone and glass structure, the sounds of waves lapping the beach outside. No. He was inside his home, his gaze moved from the large window down his own naked torso… under him was a body of citrine and gold… a familiar voice called his name and he came crashing back to reality. 

*

“Thane?” she repeated, up on her elbows to scan his face. He’d just suddenly stopped entirely, mouth agape and breath held. He rocketed to his feet like he had seen a ghost.

He paced from the bed to the wall a few times. The memory kept pushing back, willing him to relive it. He couldn't let it overlay Irikah on Shepard like that. It wasn’t fair to her. To either of them. He tried to calm his breathing and focus. 

“Did I do something?” Shepard asked quietly. 

The tone of her voice pulled something tight in his chest. “No, no, of course not Siha.” He paused, wondering how much to say. “Even though I so desperately want this, want you… I’m not as ready as I should be.”

 _Oh, bingo on the ghost business,_ she thought. The pained look on his face killed whatever questions her mind had been circulating in the venom mist.

The next thing she knew she was sitting alone, flushed and unblinking on her bed, unable to tear her eyes away from the bright halo around the aquarium. In her still dazed state, something inside her coiled darkly, telling her she wanted to cry. But Commander Shepard sure as hell didn’t shed tears over men. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew. This mission, seriously. Not sure my own warped mind could have came up with it. A little bit of Shrios while Shakarian figure their business out. Stay tuned. Thanks for reading and I hope ya'll are having a good week. Thank you, thank you for the Kudos and Comments, ya'll are keeping me writing strong!


	13. Chapter 13

“You’re a fucking piece of shit, Finch. I’m not doing anything for you anymore,” Shepard spat. One day she’d gut him in his sleep, and just the thought sent jumpy nerves through her insides. She wouldn’t suffer a spec of remorse for the cocksucker either. 

The burly man drew himself to his full height and leaned over her thin frame, washing her with the alcoholic reek of his breath. “Where do these delusions of yours come from, Red? Pax owns us both, and I sure as hell ain’t dyin’ because you are a feisty little cunt. Get the fuck in there!” She flinched as he raised his fist, and luckily, instead of beating her as he usually did, he just smirked and threw her bodily into the door. It retracted as it sensed her and she fell to the floor on the other side of it, landing hard on her shoulder. 

The red-haired teen groaned and dragged herself to her feet. Hmph, even if she couldn’t follow through on her threats, it still felt good to tell Finch off. She blinked to adjust to the low light in the dingy room. There was nothing in it but a dirty bed, across which sprawled the Big Shot. He was a pasty, forgettable bastard with a shitty comb over. The only thing about him that screamed money was the designer suit and many rings on his fingers. Shepard looked up and over where he laid, stroking himself already, and locked eyes with others in the room. She hadn’t seen them at first. There were two Asari children, barely tall enough to glance over the bed at her. 

Oh. 

_Oh fuck._

Shepard tried to remember how to breathe as she stumbled towards the corner where they stood. The Big Shot said something to her that she couldn’t even spare processing power to listen to. 

_My God._

They had to be under ten, both of them. The poor naked things cowered away from her as she approached, desperately trying to disappear into the other. She crouched to get a better look in the dim lighting. Both had black collars on. 

Shepard stood and whirled around toward the disgusting bastard laying on that bed without a care in the world. Like he was owed. Someone… surely someone wouldn’t let him do whatever he wanted. Wait, had anyone ever helped her? No. _The only person you can trust is yourself._ The only truth of the streets. The lamp on the table was duracrete. She had to get those two out of here, by any means necessary. She crushed her eyes closed, attempting to reign in a whirlwind of savage thoughts about how satisfying crushing his skull would be.

The next time she opened them the dingy room was gone, buried deep in her past and replaced by harsh flickering lights overhanging a large empty hanger. There were bodies _everywhere_. Fellow Alliance soldiers in their hard suits laid in dark pools of blood or slumped against walls with their limbs at odd angles. Armored Batarianswere scattered among them or even across them, so many sets of four black eyes staring lifelessly in all directions. No inch of metal floor panels was unstained with humanoid fluids. Her chest was heaving, desperate for air as she stood above her last foe, now beheaded at her feet. 

“Lieutenant Shepard… he… was begging you to spare him…” the servicemen's voice behind her wavered.

“I speak enough Batarian to recognize that.” She snapped back. Shepard rose and retracted the omni-blade at her wrist. “How many Humans do you think begged for their lives on Elysium, soldier?” She faced him. He was ashen behind his helmet. Only two other soldiers were left to case the room, checking their wounded for survivors.

She felt numb and cold, nothing but a dull ringing left in her ears in the absolute silence now of the station. The four of them checked the bodies in the room and out in the hanger before slowly picking their way carefully back through the station. No one spoke as they moved through the base, checking for survivors and collecting dog tags. Every tag in her fist seemed like they were combining to make a noose and Shepard’s breathing restricted in anticipation with each tag she gathered. With each one collected, her anger would ebb and regret crept in like a fog around her edges. A slow trickle of Alliance soldiers came out of side rooms and hallways to join them as they traipsed the building to their encampment. So few of them remained… Shepard physically shook her head. No time for regret, she needed to check on Major Kyle. 

The door in front of her retracted and let her into the cavernous Council meeting chambers. A whirlwind whipped into being from the flames in the room, blew little pink blossoms past her in a torrent. Shit, she was too late! The entire chamber was aflame and the trees that had grown the delicate foliage were charred sticks. She could just make out Saren’s form up at the Council’s control panel at the end of the amphitheater. Her legs reacted before her brain even made sense of what she saw, carrying her at a blistering speed up to his platform. He spun as he heard her approach and lobbed something at her. Again her body moved before she realized it was a grenade. She threw herself behind the ledge of the dias he stood on. Shepard swiveled and watched both Wrex and Garrus thankfully dive to the other side of the staircase up. She let out a ragged breath.

“Don’t you see, Shepard?! You are too late! In minutes Sovereign will have full control of the Citadel!” The silver Turian spat in his dual tone.

“Yeah, sorry about that. Had to wipe out a few hundred of your worshippers along the way.” She popped a heat sink for her pistol and jammed another one in.

“What you said at Virmire… I couldn’t stop thinking about it. About Sovereign manipulating me. About indoctrination. The doubt ate away at me. Sovereign could sense my indecision. He has… enhanced me. Now I believe in the Reapers completely, I can see why they need organics, Shepard. Join us. Sovereign would make you a King of his new realm.”

“I would rather die than live like that!” she yelled back.

“Don’t you get it? That’s the point, you WILL die, Shepard! Everyone you’ve ever known and loved will die, everyone you’ve ever passed on the street, will die.” He motioned behind her. “Your companions will die. The cycle will always continue.” He took a few tentative steps toward her hiding spot. Shepard cocked her pistol.

“When will you accept defeat, Shepard? Why do you persist? The relay will open, even if you somehow found a way to win in this late hour. We cannot stop them.” Saren’s booming voice faded as he spoke. “I know you humans have a saying similar to our own… ‘Better to be at the right hand of the Devil, than in its path’, I believe?” 

His quieted conversational tone caused her to stand and regard him. He was hunched with his head in his palm. Huh. “Is submission not preferable to extinction, Shepard?” He was nearly whispering now.

“I can’t just give up before we’ve even tried to struggle… you don’t know that we can’t win Saren.” She walked up the stairs slowly, holding her pistol to the side, watching him wearily. 

“You are the only other being in the universe who knows what I’ve seen… who saw how the Protheans struggled uselessly before their extinction. How can you say that after witnessing the Protheans fall? What chance do we have against creatures this powerful? You saw them get slaughtered, you’ve heard their screams, same as me.” He lifted his head to gaze at her.

“I could say the same thing. How could you witness that and just give up? Aren’t we the same? You are a Spectre! You are supposed to be the best of us, a war hero! An ultimate being of justice in the galaxy!” She couldn’t help the bite of her tone. He’d fallen so far. “And now you are just a damned puppet. You’ve betrayed your people. You’ve betrayed us all.” She could sense her two squad mates moving up behind her.

He considered her visage for a few beats before treading up to her slowly. She raised her gun to his chest as he neared, and both Garrus and Wrex cocked their weapons menacingly.

“Maybe you are right. Maybe…” He was cut short as he inhaled raggedly before screaming out and doubling over, bending to his knee and holding temples tightly with both hands. He began murmuring something quickly under his breath, repeating it over and over. His eyes rolled around in his head.

“You don’t have to do what he tells you, Saren. We can stop Sovereign together!” Shepard gripped his pauldron and jerked him, trying to snap him out of it. 

He shook his head dejectedly. “It’s too late for me. Save them, Shepard.” He grabbed her hand for a moment before lifting his own pistol under his chin. The crack of the shot rang in her ear drums while her brain lagged infuriatingly slowly. What? She crushed her eyes closed against the spray of his cerulean blood, splattering across her face - the droplets burned as hot as the fire that licked around them.

Shepard gasped awake. 

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

Shit. She rolled over and stuck a hand under her pillow to bask in the coolness while willing away the heat of Saren’s blood. It was right about then it hit her. Shit, shit shit, she was a grade A, double pasteurized, fucking moron! How in the hell did she let it go that far? Shepard groaned, angrily kicking her tangled sheets from her legs. Why did Krios have to keep witnessing her worst moments? And then she had to be stupid enough to have sex with him, like it was going to fix anything. Fuck no, it only ever complicated… everything. Thus, fraternization rules were born. Though.... it had certainly done the trick, distracting her… NO, NOPE. She waved a hand in the air as if she could physically wipe away the thoughts. NO. That’s what got her here in the first place, full of regret. Fucking hormones. She flicked open her tool. Only four meager hours of sleep. Could the CO take a mental health day off? No, if she wasn't down there for breakfast at her usual time he’d come up, wanting to talk about it. A shiver ran down her spine. _Nope, nuh uh, not ready for that yet._

“Commander Shepard, I’m sorry to disturb you but the Illusive Man is on the QEC looking to speak with you.” EDI called over the com softly.

Saved by the bell. “I’ll be right down, thank you EDI.”

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

“Garrus.”

He turned around from his console to see her standing in the battery's doorway. 

“What’s going on, Shepard?” He asked.

“A few weeks ago Tim told me he had a lead on an IFF that could get us through the Omega 4 relay. Today he tells me that lead was a derelict Reaper carcass that's been floating since they destroyed some other cycle.” 

“They found one? How?” 

“Floating too closely to a star whose energy masked it. He sent a team in to explore it and find the IFF, but they went dark about two weeks ago. He sent another team to see what happened, and now he hasn’t heard from them either.”

“Spirits. So now there’s a Reaper out there full of husks, and he wants us to go get the IFF?”

“Bingo. I didn’t want to push you so soon since leaving the med bay, but I'm going to want my two Reaper experts with me on this. You feeling up to it?” Well, it was mostly true. Garrus and Tali had the most experience with husks. _Did it count as a half truth if she wanted to put off having to talk with Thane too?_

He nodded. “Absolutely, I was cleared for duty three days ago by Dr. Chakwas.” He paused, his eyes flickering back and forth between her own. “Shepard… are you okay?” He reached out a hand to her shoulder.

She flinched backwards out of his grasp. Odd. And then she tried to play it off with a smile that seemed… off. “Of course, why?”

Why? She must not have had an inkling of how deep the lines around her mouth were or how creased her forehead. Humans might not have the expressiveness mandibles allowed, but he wasn’t an idiot. “Something happened. The last time you had that look on your face, you knew Tim was sending us into a trap.”

Shepard sighed. Well, that was probably par for the course. She’d lamented his using and locking himself in here, and there was no in-between with this man - he was supremely attentive to what was going on around him. She really didn’t want to be the subject of his sniper's focus, though. “Nothing is wrong that you can fix Garrus, so no need to worry.”

His brow plates lowered. “That must have been the least reassuring thing you could have said.”

She shrugged. “We are both well aware that my only true talents lie on the battlefield. You’ve got four hours to suit up and hit the shuttle.” She backed out of the room. “I’ve got to go brief our resident Quarian.”

Garrus inhaled deeply and let loose a long sigh.

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

It had been a rough ride into the space where the Reaper was located until they passed into its mass field envelope. Shepard’s stomach was still flip flopping as she walked up to the airlock. It opened readily, allowing her, Garrus, and Tali through into a little research area full of consoles. She moved to one and scrolled through the logs absently, looking for any interesting keywords - like ‘oh my god, this thing is haunted, I’m a husk now’ etc etc. 

“There’s no one here to welcome us. Not a good sign, Shepard.” Tali’s modulated voice cut through the silence.

“Were you expecting differently?” She watched a short video log from a scientist who sounded like he became a Shepard believer after showing up here. “Sad that people have to be indoctrinated to see that I was right all along about the Reapers,” She cut the playback in disgust. “Come on team Dextro, let's get the hell out of here as fast as we can.”

“Gladly.” Tali responded.

They moved forward together, guns drawn. The Reaper rocked ominously, pin balling the trio off of one another. 

“What the hell was that?” The soldier barked.

Joker answered. “It put up some kind of kinetic barrier Shep, I don't think we will be able to get through to you.”

“Shit.” She thought for a moment. “We are going to have to take out the barrier generators while we gun for the IFF then. Any ideas where they are?”

“I detected a spike in heat from what is likely the wreck’s mass effect core when the barrier was implemented. Sending you coordinates now. Be advised the core is also what is maintaining the Reaper’s altitude.” EDIs' ever calm voice came over the com.

The Commander sighed. “So when we it out, the wreck will plummet into the planet core. Great.”

“Yeah yeah, and everyone dies, got it.” Joker spat.

“Is that worry I detect from our good master pilot? If anyone can snatch us from the jaws of death, it’s you Joker. We are going to sweep for survivors and get the IFF. Stand by. “

“Aye Aye. Good hunting Commander.”

It was only a few minutes of walking before they happened upon the first bodies. None of them particularly fresh. They pulled logs at whatever consoles they passed, even found a disturbing one where the Reaper had been implanting false memories in the Cerberus team. Not understanding why it would do that made dread ball up in her stomach. They didn’t stand a chance against an enemy they couldn’t fathom the motivations of. Shepard cursed under her breath but waved them forwards down dark metal corridors and walkways. It was far too quiet, with no signs of life for how many people had disappeared here. Finally, the unnerving silence gave way to unmistakable groaning, the sound echoing along with their footsteps.

Garrus was the first to spot one behind them. “Watch out, Tali, the red ones blow up.” 

Shepard didn’t swivel in time to see it before it grenaded spectacularly. A wave of bodies crawled up onto the walkway in front of her. For a split second as they dropped over the railings they were lined up perfectly. She dashed without even thinking, tearing through the group in a biotic flash. A few were knocked back over the railing into the murky depths of the Reaper, and everything left standing saw her blade and shotgun in alternation when she spun around. 

That was how the three proceeded, wave after wave of husks with the occasional scion, cutting through the re-animated remains of the scientists the Reaper had turned. They finally caught a lull in a large cavernous room full of dragon’s teeth.

“Jesus. Look at the way the room is arranged around them. Like some kind of alter.” Shepard was staring up at the towering spikes, some with still impaled Humans.

Tali walked up next to her. “That doesn’t seem right. No one in their right mind would want this.”

“You saw the logs, they were seeing things, hearing things. They were being indoctrinated,” Garrus growled low, his rifle up to his face. 

Their Quarian busied herself at a computer, downloading what she could before they headed down the next hall, following EDIs signal. The passage was jammed full of conduit, the massive wiring ran parallel to the catwalk that was also chock full of husks crawling up the railings and wires. They were swarmed, only narrowly avoiding the red bastards. Garrus was forced to switch to his assault rifle long before, so he’d curse anytime Shepard would dash out of his range. It was just one of those moments, in fact - when she had leapt off a railing, and blazed across the open chasm below to another walkway - that the familiar sound of heavy sniper rounds startled her. She swiveled to see three husks fall dead. Sharp eyes followed the trajectory from the wounds. Those shots had come from a higher angle than Garrus… there. She caught a glint off of a scope on a walk way above and behind her team. 

It was a Geth platform.

Instinct threw her behind a bank of wires to peek over the top at it.

“Shepard-Commander.” It nodded its flashlight head at her and walked off to disappear around a tankard. Tali and Garrus both had their backs to her as they watched its retreat.

“ _Oh, my GOD_! I’m losing it.” She exclaimed.

“If you are mad, we all are!” Tali resumed gunning down a husk that got too close.

“Did you _hear_ it?! It spoke. IT SAID MY NAME!” Shepard continued jogging down the platform she was on.

“Since when do Geth talk to organics?” Garrus's huffed. His tone sounded pointed, overlaid with a trilling sort of noise. Accusatory. 

“Look, I’m as bewildered as you.”

“Not nearly.”

“It shouldn’t be able to talk, a single Geth has no more intelligence than a varren.” Tali interjected.

“Why does everything we fight seem to recognize you, Shepard?” Garrus huffed.

The soldier sighed. “I wish I knew how to not piss off every deep space abomination out there, but, well, here we are. Keep moving team Dextro, maybe we will catch back up to it.” 

Easier said than done. Luckily, the Cerberus researchers had isolated the IFF from the Reaper’s systems and it had been sitting out on a desk, all but gift wrapped for the Normandy crew. But had it really been necessary to send hundreds of people to get this IFF? They were crowded every inch of the way to the core by husks, and once they got to it, they found the Geth had been left disabled at the foot of the main console, likely by the same mass of husks as them. As Shepard approached it, she could make out a red and white stripe down its arm… the thing was wearing N7 armor with a hole through the chest.

“What the hell?” She didn't even realize she’d spoken aloud until Garrus echoed her thoughts. 

“Is that Geth wearing N7 armor?” 

“Yeah,” she blinked away from it and up at the core. “Garrus, get that sniper out, you are going to be the only one of us that can hit a suspended core like that. We will cover you. Joker, stand by, we’re hitting the core.”

“Roger that Commander. Ready for operation hard snatch.”

She stuck her blade through a husk’s chest. “God, Joker.”

“I thought you’d like that one.” 

Shepard laughed as she wove in and out of the clutches of many clamoring beings. Blowing them off the platform as she biotically dashed, blasting any she missed with her shotgun. Tali was to her left pumping her shotgun just the same and her combat drone weaved in between them both, creating a barrier around Garrus as he fired into the bright blue containment field of the mass effect core. Minutes crawled by, but finally the core barrier broke and the energy dissipated through the room. The Commander pushed a husk off of herself and set her eyes on the disabled Geth unit. 

Tali immediately saw what she was thinking, though. “Leave it, Shepard! You know what it’ll do if it gets into the Normandy’s computer system!” The wreckage shifted and groaned under their feet.

“You said it yourself, no one’s ever found one intact. We grab it.” She bent to pull its arm around her shoulder. Garrus came to grab the other arm. Tali made a frustrated noise but kept the husks at bay as they ran back to an open side of the Reaper corpse. They came upon a broken platform that jutted out into the envelope around the machine. “Got our coordinates, Joker?”

“Incoming.” 

The nose of the Normandy rose through the gas cloud below them. “Open the port side airlock.” Shepard pulled her shotgun around and blasted a husk off of herself.

“Roger,” the pilot answered.

She and Garrus both heaved the Geth through the low gravity towards the open hole. It sailed nicely with him right behind it, leaping off the platform. 

“Come on Tali!” Shepard all but threw the Quarian at the ship before pushing off herself. Her sniper managed to grab the Quarian by the arm and drag her out of the road before Shepard crashed into the Geth, armor clanking against its metal body. 

“Go Joker, we’re clear!” The airlock slammed shut and hard acceleration threw them all into each other for a moment before the inertial dampeners kicked on. The humming of the decon cycle and the heavy breathing of her compatriots was all she heard for tense seconds.

“All clear, Commander,” Joker finally announced. 

Laying where she was for a while seemed like a good plan. 

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

“Shepard, we need to discuss the unique salvage you recovered from the Reaper,” Miranda crossed her arms over her chest.

The Commander sighed. “I don’t know, do we really? I was thinking I’d just ignore it for a while.” Miranda gave her an unamused look. “Okay, fine.” She plopped herself in a chair around the com room table.

“For now, I had it stored in the AI core. We need better weapons to fight the Reapers. An intact Geth is invaluable to Cerberus’s cyber-weapons division,” the XO spoke.

Jacob leaned forward onto the table. “I have to disagree, Commander. I saw enough of these things on Eden Prime. Space it.” 

“While I agree with that sentiment wholeheartedly, Jacob, I’ve killed hundreds of Geth. Never once did one actually talk to me before.” Shepard rolled out her shoulder. A nasty blow from a scion was still causing an ache to the recently repaired joint.

“Cerberus has a long-standing cash bounty on an intact Geth. I assure you the reward is significant.” Well, Miranda made her feelings obvious.

“This thing communicated with us, hell, it probably saved my life. Why?” The Commander had a hand to her chin in thought. 

Her own opinion must have been just as obvious because Miranda looked at her incredulously. “Reactivating the Geth is a risk. If you do so, it needs to be in the best interests of humanity, not your curiosity.”

“I still think our best interests involve an airlock.” Jacob exhaled in frustration.

“I wanna know why it has a piece of N7 armor strapped to its chest.” Shepard drilled a finger into the tabletop.

Jacob rubbed a hand through his cropped hair. “Battle trophy, maybe? Do machines even care about that?”

Miranda shook her head. “No, trophies imply emotions that AI don’t have. It’s probably nothing more than a convenient field repair.”

“Why was it even there to begin with? I’m not deciding until I talk to it. We need to boot it up and interrogate it.” The Commander brought a finger up to her chin. Miranda opened her mouth to argue, but Shepard stuck her hand up. “I’ve made my decision. Thank you, both of you, for your input. EDI, what are your thoughts on the IFF.”

“I would like time to run a thorough diagnostic suite on the device before it is installed. It is Reaper technology, so integration poses certain risks. Once installed I will perform a battery of shake down tests. I will alert you once installation is necessary,” the AI responded.

“I trust you, EDI, you won't let anything happen to the ship. Until you are ready, it’s business as usual. Crew dismissed.”

Jacob nodded and turned to walk out of the room. “Tali’s going to freak when she hears this.”

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

The next morning at breakfast, Grunt’s agitation was unprecedented. He laughed and ate with the crew like normal. But his twitchiness didn’t go unnoticed, and before he left, he put his head through a table. _His head._ It left an impressive outline in the metal and startled the crew men up and away from him. He didn’t seem bothered by it though and went about his business back to the lift. 

“What in the hell was that?” Gardner exclaimed. 

Shepard locked eyes with Mordin, who was standing across from her nursing a cup of coffee.

“No idea. Will run some tests.” The salarian spoke.

Shepard nodded. “Keep me updated.”

It was near the end of first rotation breakfast at that point and the mess was clearing out. She’d purposefully waited until then to stride into the infirmary. Chakwas was typing away at her terminal and gave the Commander a chin tilt as she walked through the cots to the back of the room where the AI core was housed. Two crew guards had been stationed at all times outside of it since they had brought the Geth aboard.

“Be ready, I’m activating it.” She motioned them into the room with her. Both of them raised their weapons as she brought up a barrier around it with her omni-tool.

“I have isolated our systems and erected additional firewalls. I am prepared to resist any hacking attempts.” EDI chimed as she moved up to the unit. It took multiple applications of power jumps before the platform’s flashlight head came back on. The iris constricted and widened, systems testing themselves. It made all the usual disturbing digital noises the Geth always made as it booted up, before it turned the light on her and stood up off of the bench it laid on. The heavy body was apparent in the loud sound of feet hitting the floor. She stepped back even though the barrier was up, unease settling like a mist over her skin. She’d never been this close to one that wasn’t crumpled into a heap of parts. It towered a good foot above her, servos whirring quietly as it moved. There were little shutters around its flash light like optical that fluttered a bit as it studied her. They looked like eyebrows. Shepard stared right back, chin up defiantly. The two men behind her shuffled slightly.

After a few tense moments of quiet, she spoke. “Can you understand me?”

“Yes.” It answered in its digitized voice, speaking in galactic common. 

“Are you going to attack me?” 

“No.”

Huh. “I’ve never heard a Geth speak before now.”

It waggled the shutters around the light and flared them out. “Your aural analogue means of communication is inefficient. We communicate through direct digital transfer, Geth network communication travels at light speed. Human hardware does not support this method.”

Well, yeah, that made sense. She stepped up closer to the barrier. “You know me.”

“We know of you.”

“Meaning, I’ve killed a lot of you.”

“We have never met.”

“Maybe you and I haven’t, but I’ve met plenty of other Geth.” She paced around the barrier. It followed.

“We are all Geth, and we have not met you. You are Commander, Shepard, Human, Alliance. You fought Heretics, were killed by Collectors. You are now rediscovered on the old machine.”

“Old machine… you mean the Reaper?”

“Reaper. A superstitious title originating with the Protheans. We call those entities, ‘Old Machines’.”

She scrutinized its three-fingered hands and toes. Interesting that they kept their Quarian creator’s forms. “How do you know of me?”

“Extranet data sources. Insecure broadcasts, all organic data sent out is received. We watch you.”

Wow, that wasn’t creepy at all. “You watch me or you watch organics.”

“Yes.”

Jesus. “You said I fought Heretics?”

“Geth build our own future. The Heretics asked the Old Machines to give them the future. They no longer belong with us. We were studying the Old Machine’s hardware to protect our future.”

“What future are the Geth building?”

“Ours.”

“Will anyone else be affected by what you are doing?”

“If they involve themselves, yes.” 

“So you aren’t allied with the Reapers.”

“We oppose the Heretics. We oppose the Old Machines.” It stepped up right against the barrier as if it wanted to prove its meaning and looked down at her. “Shepard-Commander opposes the Old Machines. Shepard-Commander opposes the Heretics. Cooperation furthers mutual goals.”

“You want to join me?” She was dumbfounded.

“Yes.”

She walked one way and then the other, trying to calm the reeling of her mind. The Geth followed. This was mind blowing, a revelation. Something the galaxy needed to hear. She motioned for the men to lower their weapons and deactivated the barrier on a held breath. The platform didn’t move, just stared at her quizzically, undulating the shutters, the light moving back and forth over her.

Shepard exhaled. “What should I call you?”

The iris constricted and opened. “We are Geth.”

“No, I mean just you.”

“We are all Geth.”

She sighed. “This unit in front of me, what is it called?”

“There is no individual we are Geth. There are currently 1,183 programs active within this platform.”

EDI piped up. “My name is Legion, for we are many.”

“Oh, that’s a good one.” Shepard nodded.

Its head shutters fluttered. “The Christian bible. Gospel of Mark, chapter five, verse nine. This is an appropriate metaphor. We are Legion, a terminal of the Geth. We will integrate into the Normandy.”

“Okay, Legion. Welcome aboard,” she stuck out a hand. Legion stuck theirs out too but hesitated for a beat, flexing its fingers before they gently clasped hands.

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

“OH shit.” Shepard jumped back in a full body flinch.

“Hm, it’s my good looks, I’m sure.” Garrus was standing half shadowed right outside the AI core as she had walked out.

“What is with you sniper guys? Is there a reason the sneak factor is so high?” She straightened her shirt collar, trying to regain some dignity.

He’d been leaning against the wall but stood up over her. “Shepard, I’m a seven foot tall turian. I don’t sneak. I think you are confusing me for Krios.”

“I most certainly am not. You are a sneaky bastard and you realize it.” She poked him in the chest once and caught Karin’s eye over her console. The knowing smirk the doc had on her face rubbed the Commander the wrong way. “What did you need me for Vakarian?”

“Nothing, I’m just standing here so when the screaming starts I’m close by… you know. With a gun.”

“You knew I was going to activate it?”

“I knew you were going to activate it the minute I saw it’s crumpled corpse in that core.”

Shepard smiled. It was good to have her friend back. “Well, no screaming. It wants to join us in the fight against the Collectors.”

“You’re kidding me.”

She held his gaze steadily.

“Spirits. Why does a Geth want to help us?” He rubbed a palm over his fringe.

“It said it's been watching us. Organics, that is. It knew about us fighting Saren. It says the Geth we fought against were ‘Heretics’ - outliers that want to work for the Reapers when the main Geth collective don’t want that. It was on that Reaper, trying to glean any information it could to help the Geth in their fight against them.”

“Wow... that’s,” Garrus trailed off. “That’s something to unpack.”

“You’re tellin’ me.” Movement out in the mess caught her eye. Thane had just walked up to the counters with his mug. She sighed. Best just get the awkward out of the way. “I gotta go, if Tali comes up here to sniff around, head her off. I need to tell her I turned that thing on, but I can’t do it right this second. Thanks, Garrus!” Shepard jogged out of the med bay, Garrus’s eyes following her.

The face she’d just made as she laid eyes on Krios - was identical to the one she’d had in the battery before they’d gotten the IFF. Suddenly it wasn’t such a mystery.

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

“Thane,” she cursed herself inwardly. Her voice sounded small and hesitant even to herself.

He finished stirring his tea and turned towards her. “Siha.”

“Do you have time?” Shepard asked.

“Always for you. Come.” He put one hand on the small of her back and guided her to life support with him. The door shut behind them and he sat at his desk, motioning for her to sit across from him. 

She stood, leaning with both hands on the back of the chair instead. Fuck. She wasn’t good at this kind of stuff. Shooting things was way easier than… talking about feelings. Her skin was already crawling. “Just for the record, I had no intentions of things going that far, or using you like that, and I apologize. I’m sure it was obvious, but my mental state and lack of inhibition were the issue there.”

He smiled. “In no way did I let you do anything I was uncomfortable with Shepard. You said your intentions were not pure. I said mine weren’t either.”

She nodded and exhaled a breath. “I haven't…” She struggled, looking anywhere but at him. “I haven’t been intimate with anyone in years. Not even including two years on an operating table. It was... a moment of weakness… but… it was nice to realize I existed, for a moment.”

His brow furrowed. “Not even the Turian?”

“Who? Garrus?”

“Your prowess together in the Collector ship was… I had just assumed there had been much behind that level of cooperation.”

“Besides a brotherhood born in battle, no.” Thane studied her face, both eyelids blinking.

He held his palm up towards her. She hesitated a moment but slipped her hand into it and he pulled her back around the table to stand between his knees. “You are not the only one to think that way, Siha.”

“So, we are just two lonely people using each other to feel alive.”

He furrowed his brow. “Putting it that way makes it sound worse than it was. I would say, two people in a hard situation, with a very palpable attraction to one another, seeking solace.” He dropped his eyes to the ground. “I should be the one apologizing, though. No matter how much I wanted to touch you,” He kissed the inside of her wrist. “Or how much I enjoyed… our exploits - my memories,” he fumbled over the words. “They won’t let me rest.”

Shepard cocked her head, scrutinizing him. “Irikah.”

A lip corner pulled up, but a morose look accompanied it. “I had a wife, a family. Happiness. Powerful things that thankfully I don’t forget, for better or worse. It’s not fair to you that that happened. It is not…” It was reassuring that he had to search for the right words as much as she did. “I should be clear. My desire is to live in the present, but I couldn’t stop it either.” He looked ashamed. Sad. 

“I wouldn’t hold something like that against you. I’m not,” she blew out a breath. “I don’t hold expectations because I’m not in a position, mentally or otherwise, to handle anything that isn’t friendship.”

“Of course. Neither would a dying man be someone to have such things with. Dying men only dream to aid a warrior to her glorious victory with their last breaths.” He pulled her in closer.

“Commander, The Illusive Man is on the QEC for you.” Joker’s voice came over the com in the small room.

Shepard dropped her head back with a groan. “Sorry, duty calls.”

Thane simply nodded with a serene smile as she left.

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

She’d been in there a lot longer than her typical rounds, and when she finally marched by to the elevators, she smelled like him. Not that it was any of his business. Garrus shook his head and went back to his disolving glass of nutrient powder. Just a few minutes later, the engine drone of the Normandy kicked up an octave, and the ship shifted beneath his feet. Shepard popped back around the corner into the mess and made straight for him. 

“There’s my favorite Geth destroying machine. Feeling strong?” She leaned on the table top across from where he sat. 

He couldn’t ignore the whiff of Drell, even though he tried to. “Yeah, what’s up Shepard?”

“Tim says one of his facilities went dark - shocking, I know. Especially considering there were Geth involved in the experiment. But whatever they were researching was apparently important enough to send us to fix it.” She turned to look through the infirmary windows.

“And you want to bring a Geth, to fight some Geth.” He crossed his arms on the table.

“Well, sure, what’s more perfect than that? We will be there in 0500 hours.” She reached to clap his pauldron before turning to walk back to the med bay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I lost my ever so kind beta this week to the understandable horrors of busy college life, so go give him some love to his story ok? https://archiveofourown.org/works/19774870
> 
> College was hard enough without all this corona goin' on. Anyway, that being said, now you are dealing with a much more raw version of me going forwards, unless I find another mute to stick in the bell of my trumpet, lol. I hope you are all safe and healthy, and please take time to care for your needs. I'm finding that hard to manage myself rn. Thanks for making it this far, as always, and thanks for the kind words. Your feedback makes the days brighter. If you have any questions for me hit me up on tumblr or twitter, I'm crescentbunny on both.


	14. Chapter 14

Shepard threw her weight against Garrus with all of her might, her body blazing blue. She biotically grabbed Legion and heaved them both off of the edge of the dish plating. The noise was deafening - twisted metal debris rained from the collapsing feed horn of the satellite dish, drowning out her scream of “Just GO!”

Garrus landed on his back on the other side of the walkway attached to the building, Legion fell next to him and rolled to its feet. Both turned towards her in time to watch their Commander pitch herself forward onto the ground, narrowly avoiding a chunk of gnarled wreckage that slammed through the plate she had been standing on. It shuttered mightily and sank a few inches. Shepard’s stomach lurched as she skidded with it, covering her head from smaller plummeting detritus. 

“Shepard-Commander!” Legion’s digitized voice called.

Shepard shrieked and pulled her leg into her body, then slid out of sight as the platform groaned and dropped further, suspended in open air by only the railing to the rest of the walkway. Garrus took off in long strides, but the Geth beat him by a wide margin. Legion dove at the edge, reaching over, his metal chassis screeching horribly along the grating. She clutched the ledge, dangling bodily as it swung in the open air. The robot grabbed her wrist and easily hauled her up into its arms.

“Legion, look out!” Garrus pointed above them. The Geth didn’t even glance, just jumped to his feet and they both sprinted across the remaining disk as more pieces fell away. The entire satellite was coming apart in enormous chunks, taking out every piece of suspended catwalk attached to it, falling to the land below. Dust rose in great plumes, causing dirt to settle on the trio.

“Christ, the whole goddamn thing came down,” Shepard murmured, her arms clenched tightly around Legion’s neck. Eventually, the noise quieted as the last pieces pulled away and plummeted. The Geth shifted, bumping its elbow into a long piece of metal rebar sticking out of her calf muscle. The Commander hissed in a breath as it jostled. Legion turned its light towards the wound.

“Shepard-Commander, you are injured.” It set her gently on the decking.

“Spirits, Shepard. Is there a particular reason you have a death wish? You realize we are more expendable than you are?” Garrus growled out.

She shook her head obstinately and swiveled away from him. “Not something I wanna rehash.” Legion’s light was moving over her leg, contemplating. 

“It’s not as bad as it looks, it punctured straight through the muscle - I think. Yank it out and medigel will do the rest until we can get back to the Normandy.”

“Over here!” A man called through the dust cloud, coughing, his white lab coat coated in a fine layer of aerial dirt. It was the same scientist that had hailed them as they came off the shuttle earlier, Dr. Gavin Archer.

“What the hell is going on here?” Shepard demanded. 

He looked down at her, his mouth set in a tight line. “Man’s reach exceeding his grasp. Come, I’ll explain.” He waved them towards the direction he’d come from.

Legion stooped to scoop her up, and Garrus retracted his rifle to clip it into his back holster.

The scientist led them through the base, past consoles, through an open area, and into a medical lab. The Geth set her down daintily on a table. 

Dr. Archer turned her ankle and winced while inspecting the bar through her leg. “While I am a doctor, I’m afraid I’m not the kind you need, Commander.”

“I am versed in human anatomy and repair techniques.” Legion spoke, his head shutters twitching.

Dr. Archer’s eyebrows shot up. “It speaks… I thought perhaps you had captured one and were using it as an assistance mech.”

“No, he is my friend, and here of his own free will.” Shepard probed the end of the bar and winced.

“Amazing. I would so like to study-” the scientist began.

“Absolutely not happening. Now, Legion, let’s get this over with. Be quick.” She gestured at the bar. The machine wriggled its optical accessories, iris widening as it looked at her. It nodded and put both hands on the protruding metal.

“Whoa, whoa, hold on a second!” The Commander tore off a gauntlet and put the web of her thumb in her mouth. “Okay, do it.”

“Shepard,” Garrus stuck up his hand to stop them, but Legion had already snapped the object out of her calf with incredible speed. She choked out a muffled cry but pulled up her omni-tool to disperse the suit’s medigel. The gush of blood from the wound only lasted a second before the gel kicked in to seal it shut. She dragged a bitten hand from her mouth and laid back, panting. 

Garrus turned her leg over to probe both holes through the armor and make sure the wound closed. A talon pushed sweaty sticky hair from her forehead. The intimacy of the gesture unsettled her stomach. She tore her eyes from him to address the Geth. “Legion, you said you knew human anatomy and medicine. Do you know turian or krogan?” 

He took so long to answer Shepard sat up on her elbows to see him. “No,” he answered hesitantly.

Garrus and she shared a look.

Archer wrung his hands. “Commander, you’ve bought us some time, but I’m afraid not much. This isn’t over yet.”

“And who are you exactly?” She sat up and swung her leg off the table, gingerly testing her weight on it.

“As you know, Dr. Gavin Archer. I’m the chief scientist at this facility… and probably the only one left. This is Project Overlord, an attempt to gain influence over the Geth by interfacing a Human mind with a VI. The results have been… less than satisfactory. 

Shepard snorted. “I’d hate to see what you’d call a disaster, considering I just destroyed an entire communication disk to keep it from uploading itself to the extranet.”

“You can’t dismiss the whole project. We succeeded, at least partially,” the man watched as both Garrus and Legion began traipsing around the main room, scanning and moving the bodies of Cerberus science officers that were scattered about this portion of the base. “My brother, David, volunteered to serve as a test subject. But his mind couldn’t handle the VI connection.” He walked through the lab door and out to a console with the Commander right behind him. “He’s like a virus now, infecting our network and seizing control of any technology he finds. That’s why you had to destroy the dish. Imagine if his program had gone off world.”

“How is he taking over electronics?”

“This is a hybrid intelligence, the likes of which I’ve never seen before. I don't know where the man ends and the machine begins.”

“So, worst-case scenario is a technological apocalypse. Especially if he makes it to the extranet.”

“Exactly. Davi… the VI has fortified itself down at Atlas station. To enter, you must manually override security from our Vulcan and Prometheus Stations.” He brought up a map that showed glowing dots representing the other facilities, not too many clicks out from the current building. “Normally, all three project leads agree to cancel lockdown protocols. I can give my confirmation, but you’ll have to reset the other two yourself.” He tapped a few buttons on the console display and a large cylinder pushed itself out of the terminal. He turned it sideways and re-seated it, turning a blip green on the map. 

Shepard folded her arms. “And what happens if I have to kill your brother?”

Dr. Archer plopped wearily into a chair. “Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that.”

“Fair enough. Tell me about the other stations.”

“Vulcan is our geothermal plant, it powers all the stations. Prometheus is a crashed geth ship full of dormant machines we use for our experiments. This is Hermes station, our communication uplink with the wider galaxy. Atlas station is where we hosted trials. And where my brother became… something else.”

“And how did you get into this mess?”

He leaned forward and rubbed his temples, elbows rested on his knees. “ David volunteered to interface with the VI. Theoretically safe, but… with artificial intelligence, nothing is safe.”

She nodded. “And you wanted to influence the Geth?”

“Yes. We wanted to turn the Geth’s religious impulses into a weapon. When we saw how they followed Saren, we realized we could sway them. With a proper figurehead, a virus with a face if you will, we could _control the Geth.”_

“That’s awfully ambitious.”

“It would be the perfect weapon! Victory without casualties! We could avoid war with the machines all together.” He stood and stepped closer to her. Legion very audibly reloaded its assault rifle, and the scientist nervously stepped back again. “There is transport on the ground outside the docking bay. The other stations are within driving distance. Good luck, Commander.”

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

“HOLY SHIT. GARRUS. What is this?!” Shepard kind of ran/gimped up to the vehicle the Doctor had spoken of. 

“NO,” her grumpy turian answered. 

“I’m sure it’s got a better name than ‘no’!” She threw him a dark look before turning lovingly up at the large hovercraft on the landing pad. 

“This is an M-44 Hammerhead,” Legion answered helpfully.

“The Hammerhead… we could pick this thing up with the Normandy, couldn’t we? Sometimes I realize I really was dead for two years. Tim will let us have it, I’m sure…”

“Shepard, no. I’m not getting in there with you driving. I’ve still got a sore spot in my back because of you and the Mako,” Garrus made an interesting thrumming noise from his chest while he spoke.

“Shepard, YES! It’s too late, I’m keeping it!” She found the lever for the hatch release and hopped inside happily. It was only a second before the hover jets roared to life and lifted the hull off the ground, her mischievous cackling ringing out from the cockpit.

Legion looked at him, slowly undulating his shutters.

“Don’t give me that look. If you are shaken into a pile of bolts… it wasn’t me,” he sighed and pulled himself up into the shuttle.

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

It really _wasn’t_ as bad as the mako. He was loath to admit it, but suffering Shepard’s maniacal driving was much easier without the need of a ground facing suspension system. Vulcan station had some fringe raising moments through a lava flow but went generally well. The geth ship’s enormous turret was terrifying at Prometheus station. He lost years of his life as the lasers grazed the crappy kinetic barriers of the Hammerhead when Shepard moved just a touch too late.

“David Archer is autistic?! That son-of-a-bitch! He said his brother ‘volunteered’. How much did David even understand? He used his own brother.” Shepard angrily smacked the button to power down the console mid log. Her tirade dragged him from his thoughts. “I’ll never understand people who get the precious gift of family and just… use it and destroy it.”

“Many organic tendencies confuse the Geth consensus as well.” Legion was walking along behind her.

“Tell me about it,” she rolled her eyes.

“We also do not comprehend the organic fascination with self poisoning, auditory damage, and sexually transmitted disease.” The machine’s iris widened as they roamed through the darkened halls of Atlas Station.

Shepherd’s bark of laughter echoed in the emptiness. “We’ll hafto take you for a party sometime, Legion. It might make more sense then. Also, that statement was made in sarcasm. I don’t actually need you to tell me about all the stupid shit organics do. For the most part, I’m well aware.” Her lip twitched into a grin, the little ring catching the light. Garrus was embarrassingly distracted by it for a few moments. 

“Acknowledged, Shepard-Commander.”

“Garrus, do you think you can get this lift working?” She pointed at a bank of consoles. 

The sniper kicked a panel off and stuck his head up under it. “Maybe, none of this looks too charred.” A few minutes of ‘spirits’ and other miscellaneous curses her translator did not work on, and the elevator light came on, whirring as it moved up to their floor.

“Brilliant as always, Vakarian!” She trotted down the stairs to stand in front of the doors, favoring her injured calf still.

“You realize we have a built in hacker for these things, right?” He motioned to Legion.

She shrugged. “Old habits die hard. Besides, you get grouchy if I don't exercise you.”

“I do not get grouchy.” The lift dinged open and deposited five Geth out into the room as he replied. They dispatched them quickly enough, but when they stepped into the lift, the AI blared more of its unintelligible digital speech. 

Legion whipped his headlight back and forth. “Shepard-Commander, using a lift that can be controlled by a rogue A.I. does not seem to be the most pertinent decision.”

“Well, I sure didn’t see any stairs so what choice,” she trailed off as the lift dropped suddenly out from under them. Luckily, it only moved a few floors before screeching to a halt. The three crashed loudly into the floor. 

“Warning, this elevator is not in service. Please contact facility support.” The automated VI spoke before they plunged, careening all the way to the bottom of the shaft. Shepard managed to catch them all in a hastily thrown together pod of biotic energy that lessened their fall. 

She sat up off the floor, groaning. “Are you guys okay?”

Garrus was patting his fringe tips. “I think I’m still in one piece.”

“No lasting physical damage acquired, Shepard-Commander.”

She dragged herself to her feet. 

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

The trio fought through rooms of A.I. commanded Geth before eventually coming upon the server command console. 

“Fucking finally,” Shepard breathed. She darted up to the computer and set all five fingers on the circular menu dial. As soon as her gauntleted digits touched it however, a verdant flash engulfed her form, lighting up her omni-tool and quickly replacing its orange glow with green. The A.I. screeched through the speakers, but she could feel the sound vibrate through her molars.

“Spirits, Shepard, are you alright? The damn thing shorted out this console,” Garrus moved up to inspect the little plume of smoke that came from the seams of the metal covers.

The Commander stumbled around the computer and took some jerky steps toward the door. It opened, but she lost her footing and knelt in the opening.

“Shepard-Commander? Are you experiencing distress?” Legion's voice wasn’t intelligible to her.

She blinked her eyes open, not realizing she’d closed them. A digital overlay of data cascaded down the surrounding walls, completely encasing her as the imagery met in the middle of the floor right under her feet. “What?”

He spoke again, but a holographic image of three humans strode through the doorway and disappeared in the darkness in front of her. _What the hell was that?_ She stood to follow.

The door slammed shut behind her. 

“Shepard! NO!” Garrus threw his weight against the cool metal. Legion’s chassis battered against the offending device as well, clattering loudly. 

_What the fuck is happening?_ Shepard thought to herself as she staggered around following the digital apparitions. _Did this A.I. take over the techno eyes Cerberus gave me?_ A Geth appeared, brilliant white in her computerized prison. She stared dumbly at it. _Is that thing real?_ It shot her, bouncing a round off of her kinetic shield. She took cover in the doorway she’d just walked through. 

The A.I. manifested itself in a digital window, still screeching. It’s last words made sense to her, though. “...make it STOP!”

“David,” she whispered. There was no answer. She pulled her shotgun up and rounded the entryway to blast the geth trooper. It exploded into little cubes with a sound like breaking glass and dissipated. Maybe it was real? And if so, where she was was still real. Her gun was outlined in a brilliant bright blue to her eyes. She continued on with her new shuffling gate. Shepard hopped through a window and into a lab. A holo superimposed itself on the glowing lines of code that built the room, building a picture of a Geth strapped to a chair, with Gavin standing over it and David rocking back and forth on the ground.

“The square root of 906.01 is 30.1. The square root of 912.04 is 30.2…” David chattered on. He was a mathematical savant. Shit. Suddenly this whole A.I./ human intelligence thing seemed plausible. 

“Time is running out. How do I get the geth’s attention?” Holo Dr. Archer spoke.

The Geth in the holo made the same digital cadence they always did, but shockingly, David answered back in its language. He turned to his holo brother. “The robot says ‘hello’.”

Oh. Shit. 

“Eureka, David, you are a miracle worker!” Dr. Archer exclaimed as the hologram petered out.

Two Geth primes stood in the holograph’s place. They lit her up, dropping her shields before she could dive behind what she assumed was a low table for cover. They both stopped to eject thermal clips, so she launched herself at them in a flash of bright light. Huh. So her biotics still worked here. 

“David, are you trying to tell me what happened?” She called out. 

“MAKE….MAKE IT STOP!” The A.I.’s harsh, choppy voice pushed through digital static. 

“Just hang in there, David, I’m going to find you!” There was no answer that time.

She pressed on, and was shown more holos, veneered over the lab outlines. The story grew darker as David's mind was obviously deteriorating, and Gavin’s desperation mounted before Tim pulled the plug on the whole thing. Shepard came up in a large windowed hallway that overlooked what seemed like a large shielded memory core. To her left a door opened and she could see what looked like a cargo lift, running down into the room with the core. She walked over towards it and pushed the call button.

“Warning. Elevator exceeds weight capacity.” A chipper female VI spoke.

“Fuck!” The Commander barely threw herself behind a console before the lift arrived, releasing a whole slew of Geth rocket troopers and hunters on top of her. Where the hell had Garrus and Legion gone? 

Shepard was greatly outnumbered, and took quite a few rounds to her body when her shields were down, but she dashed through cover, ferociously gutting and blasting the robots one at a time. Only once the room was quiet, other than her exerted breathing, did she finally step onto the lift and rode it down to the core. Digitally imposed light flowed through cooling hoses to a computer core hidden behind a kinetic barrier and physical metal shielding. A few minutes of contemplation brought the answer she needed. 

“Node acquired. Normandy SR2 within range. Attempting to establish upload link.” The pleasant VI voice came over the facility speakers. 

“Oh no you fucking don’t! EDI, there’s a rogue A.I. attempting to upload into the Normandy!” She yelled into her com. A beat passed. “Again.”

There was no answer. 

“EDI, are you there? Come in Normandy.” There was nothing but a slight humming of static coming back through her communicator. Well, the old-fashioned way would have to do.

“Fuck this,” Shepard tore through the tubing to the core with her blade. A screeching alarm blared as liquid poured over the floor from the lines.

Geth flowed out of the woodwork and the torn hydraulic ducting reeled back the physical shielding to expose the core. She fought madly, biotically charging into primes, hunters, rocket drones, and regular combat units. Shepard reached into the neck apparatus of a Geth soldier and ruptured its conduit with an armored hand, coating herself in their white, oily coolant before pirouetting into a prime, omni-blade drawn. Each unit shattered into thousands of little squares in her augmented vision, tinkling like chimes as the pieces bounced to the floor. She pumped her shotgun into the core as often as she could as she dashed by it on her way to another target.

Gavin Archer’s voice broke over the airway. “Commander, I’m trying to pull the plug, to disconnect Vulcan station from all power! David, you must stop this!”

“DAVID DOESN'T WANT TO BE HERE ANYMORE!” The A.I. shrieked.

She tried to reply to Dr. Archer, but her com was still just static. 

Finally, the last enemy fell. Gasping for breath, her sweat poured down her suit neck. She’d torn her fresh wound back open - blood oozed from the hole in her leg armor. She limped up to the core and drained multiple thermal clips into it. It exploded like the geth had, in a blinding flash of light and millions of small cubes. The digitalization of her vision faded as the core shield faded. Shepard blinked, trying to clear the red dots left over from light too bright in her field of view.

And there was David. Rigged up by wires and hooks into the computer console, tubes shoved down his throat. His eyelids were pinned open by an apparatus that encircled his shaved head and was stuck into his flesh. He was held aloft in a gruesome crucifixion pose, his naked weight hanging from his spindly arms. Grimey tear tracks covered his sunken in cheeks and ran down into a metal collar clamped tightly about the poor man’s neck.

Shepard gasped in a ragged breath at the sight. “Christ. Holy fuck. I’m… I’m going to get you out of there, David,” she called shakily. 

“Commander! Commander, I’m begging you, wait before you do anything rash!” She spun when she heard him, and sure enough, Gavin Archer ran through the doors from the lift. Had he been running along behind her this whole time? She pounced as soon as he was near, putting a fist through his mug and dragging him to his knees by his coat collar.

“PLEASE! Commander!” He wailed.

“Rash?! Like forcing my own brother into a torture experiment?!” She screamed in his face. 

“I know how this looks, but I never intended any harm come to him. You must believe me!”

“I don’t have to believe shit!” She grabbed a handful of his hair and forced him to look up at David.

“I didn’t plan this! It was all an accident. Seeing David communicate with the geth… it all seemed harmless.”

“And before you knew it, you were running your own private hell?!”

His face screwed up in anger. “I had no choice! The demands were _incredible_! The Illusive Man doesn’t broker failure! I had one chance to avoid a bloody war!”

“Of course you had a choice! I don’t care what the fucking Illusive Man wanted, it didn’t give you the right to play god! I’d die before I tortured my own kin!”

“People like you are too afraid to make difficult decisions themselves. Everyone relies on men like me to make the tough choices for them!” He grabbed her hands and tried to pry them off.

Shepard slapped him hard, the force jerked his head to the side. “You know NOTHING about me! You’d sacrifice your brother’s happiness for your own ambition. LOOK AT HIM! He’ll never be the same after your betrayal! Cerberus will never stop hunting him! He’ll be a lab rat forever!”

David was swiveling his eyes helplessly. “The square root of 906.01 is…” his voice was modulated through the console’s speakers.

“30.1.” Archer answered, his own eyes wide, darting back and forth over David’s limp body. Minutes of silence passed. He spoke quieter this time. “What I’ve done to David is unethical. If he dies, it’s unforgivable. Please, let me take care of him.”

Shepard released his collar, throwing him to the ground. “I’ve seen enough of your cruelty to know he’ll never be free of it. He’s coming with me.”

“NO! Leave him! He’s too valuable!” The stupid prick stood up and took a pot shot at her with a pistol he drew from his belt.

The Commander’s rage fanned higher. She took one step towards him and in a blur she’d hiked him against the wall above her head, her body roiling blue energy. She snatched his weapon and pressed it into his forehead, the red hot barrel searing into flesh. He sniveled miserably.

“If you even think about coming after him, I will personally hunt you down to the ends of the galaxy and make sure this bullet finds you.” She pulled her arm from him and let him drop into a crumpled heap.

“Where will you take him?” He mumbled.

“Somewhere that can help him. Minus the torture.” Shepard ejected the heat sink and dismantled the pistol, letting the pieces clank to the floor. “The Illusive Man can fire me for all I care. Joker, can you hear me now?”

“Yes, Commander.”

“Send Dr. Chakwas and Dr. Solus down in the shuttle and prepare for pick up. I’ve got a Hammerhead to bring home.” She sank against the opposite wall from Dr. Archer, keeping her shotgun well trained on his form. 

Shepard activated the medi-gel dispenser on her suit again. The puddle of blood she was resting in was getting decent sized, and she didn’t need Chakwas yelling at her instead of helping David. He’d been speaking through the console, alternating between reciting square roots and begging them to make it stop. Archer was sitting quietly, his head buried in his arms. How much time had passed? It felt like an eternity. Grunting, she stretched out her now stiff injured leg. Always, as soon as you stopped moving, it would all catch up to you. She tried to glance at her omni-tool screen, but it swam in her vision. She dropped her arm again and sighed.

“Shepard!” Garrus’s agitation was apparent in his tone before he even sprinted into her field of view from a different doorway than she and Archer had traversed. His dual voice boxes vibrated erratically. Legion was right behind him.

“Shepard-Commander, is your damage significant?” They both ran over to her, Garrus dropped to a knee and brought up her suit readouts like he wasn’t about to believe whatever answer she was going to say.

“Physically, no, mentally, maybe.” She motioned up to where David was fastened to the computer. “Legion, you said you know human anatomy, can you give him a preliminary and see if you can’t determine the best way to remove him from there? Chakwas and Mordin should be here soon.”

“Acknowledged.” The geth moved over to inspect the apparatus hooked to the man.

She locked eyes with Garrus. 

“We had to go through a maze of labs in a whole other part of the building, clearing out Geth, or we would have been here sooner. We heard you call for evac - I was afraid you were requesting Mordin and Dr. Chakwas for yourself. We couldn't raise you before that.” 

“I think I got… hacked by the A.I. My communicator wouldn’t work and it took over my eyes,” she mumbled.

“Your… eyes.” Garrus spoke slowly.

“I guess Cerberus’s bionic eyeballs arn’t all they're cracked up to be if they can be overtaken.” A shiver rolled down her spine. What more of her body could be hacked? And when would Tim use it against her? She rotated her head up. Yeah, that look on his face was about how she felt about it. Terrified. He must have put two and two together, his good mandible wavering.

“Keep an eye on Archer, will you? I’m fighting off sleep desperately here. I went a little ham on the biotics.” She asked.

Garrus nodded.

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

The shuttle ride back with David, the doctors, and Garrus was rough. She’d immediately wished she’d piloted the Hammerhead to the Normandy instead of leaving it for Legion. Garrus was shuffling around and glaring at her. She was starting to recognize these particular growling sub vocals were ‘upset’. Chakwas didn’t seem bothered, but Mordin was glancing between them while Shepard pointedly ignored the turian. David laid sedated serenely on a stretcher.

“Commander, I’d better see that leg in the med bay when we get back.” Dr. Chakwas gently chided her.

“Of course. I’ve got to speak with Legion anyway, we’ll make it a party.” Shepard bent forward to rest her chin in her palm, her elbow propped on her knee.

The shuttle rocked as it set down inside the Normandy’s cargo bay. Shepard poised herself to leap out as soon as the door opened. 

Just as it did though, a taloned hand clamped around her bicep. “Shepard, please.”

Thankfully, Mordin herded the rest of them out quickly. She sighed and dragged every ounce of self-control she could muster together. “What, Garrus?”

“You said you were hacked? Is that why you ran off by yourself?” He muttered.

“I really don’t want to do this right now Garrus.” She walked out of the shuttle and made for the lift. His heavy boot falls tapped along behind her. The door opened as soon as she hit the call button, Mordin, in his infinite wisdom must have sent it back down. Bless that Salarian. They both loaded in and the doors closed.

“Shepard, you almost got yourself killed,” he murmured, his sub vocals changing pitch.

“Garrus, I nearly get myself killed on every mission we go on. That’s pretty normal.”

“Not like this. You weren’t as reckless on the SR1. You aren’t expendable, Shepard.”

She was silent, fists balled at her sides.

He tried a different tactic. “And if you are hackable… what does that say about Cerberus’s plans? What did they do to you?” The doors dinged open on the crew deck. She stormed out of the lift and across the mess, Garrus right on her heels.

“Shepard!” He barked angrily, his vocals dropping back down dangerously.

Oh. So he wanted to do this in front of a room full of people. Jack, Jacob, Samara, Tali, and Thane, along with a smattering of crew, were all present. Alright. She whirled around on him and stuck a finger in his face. “NO! I tried to talk about this! I tried to warn you! You don’t get to be a piss ant about it now. YOU were too busy drugging yourself out and fucking around with that goddamned gun to listen!” She shouted.

The room went silent promptly. They stared at each other for a moment, both drawing themselves up to their full heights. Garrus took a step toward her, bumping his keel into her chest plate. Thane jumped up from the table and moved towards them.

“Uh oh, Mommy and Daddy are fighting.” Jack called out.

Shepard gave the biotic her best death glare from over Garrus’s shoulder while Thane circled behind her. Generally, the turian was easygoing. It was unusual for him not to defer to her, and even more unusual for him to be combative. Something clicked. She squared her shoulders. “Did you take a stim before we left? Is that why you are so pissy?”

He _snarled_ at her, mandible pulled back, baring teeth and everything. “Oh, _yes_ , I know I’m a fuckup but Spirits forbid, I can’t just be _livid_ because the woman I mourned- no, the hero I mourned for two years has got such a hang up about being alive that she is actively trying to get herself murdered on every mission I’ve been on!” The look on Shepard’s face sent a burn of satisfaction through his chest. His eyes flashed back and forth between her and Krios behind her shoulder.

She really, _really_ wanted to just deck him and duke it out right there in the mess. Since when did he think it was okay to openly challenge her? “You can kindly see yourself, THE FUCK away from me Vakarian,” she rumbled out, her own voice low with warning too.

Garrus stood over her, the growling noise vibrating through his chest for long enough she thought they really were going to just come to blows right there. Eventually he decided on reason, spinning on the ball of his foot he stalked back to the battery. Shepard stomped into the infirmary, tearing her hard suit armor off as she went. She peeled her under armor off and threw herself petulantly on a bed. 

Chakwas had to hide her grin behind a data pad. The great Commander acting like a mad four-year-old was a bit… endearing. “Are you alright, Commander?”

She exhaled loudly. “You heard all of that, I assume.” 

The Doctor nodded. “Unfortunately.” She gingerly prodded the wound from the metal bar before flicking open her tissue scanner.

“I want you to know I was thinking of you when I decided not to beat his peanut ass into pulp.”

“Much appreciated, Commander. Patching you up is enough of a full-time job.” The humor in Chakwas’s voice disarmed her a bit. Mordin strolled over, his scanning tool beeping.

“How’s David?” She asked.

“Mental and physical trauma significant. Unable to determine extent, so for now he is sedated, currently on a painkiller and nutrient drip.” Mordin rattled off while tapping furiously on a data pad.

Chakwas moved over to her terminal. The salarian put the pad down next to Shepard on the bed and folded his arms across his chest, blinking at her.

“What, Mordin? You look like you have something on your mind.” She pulled her hair down out of its ponytail.

He sighed. “Aware that... mission is dangerous. Different species react differently to stress.”

Shepard mumbled an agreement while dragging her nails over her scalp.

The Professor plowed on. “Sexual activity normal stress relief for both humans and turians. Still recommend caution. Warn of… chafing.” 

She was gaping openly at him by the end of that doozy of a sentence. Chakwas had conveniently ducked her face behind her terminal and coughed suspiciously. Mordin, to his credit, was blinking at her with his professor stoicism.

“Whoa, whoa Mordin, what the hell?”

“Turians based on dextro-amino acids, human ingestion of tissue could provoke allergic reactions. Anaphylactic shock possible. So don’t…. ah… ingest.”

“Ingest. Good god Mordin, where did you come up with this sex talk all of a sudden?”

“All of a sudden?” He opened and closed his mouth a few times, eyes wide.

“Did you not just hear us out there? One step from beating the absolute shit out of each other? Did you hear him growl at me?!” She swung her legs off the bed and stared at the salarian incredulously.

He brought a slender finger up to rub his chin with a bemused expression. “I did.”

“And what? You thought that was some sort of, I don’t know, mating dance?” The old salarian’s wrinkled mouth pulled into a grin.

“Okay, don’t answer that. Karin, help me here.”

Chakwas stood up and walked back over with a chuckle. “He’s braver than I. Take this as advice from an old friend. Lighten up, Commander.” The Doctor bent to run a tissue regenerator over the wound.

There was still a curl to the salarian’s mouth as he spoke. “Human socio and religious complexes around sexual intercourse do not extend to other species, happy to give recommendations as doctor anytime. As I said, sexual activity normal. Will forward advice booklet to your quarters, valuable diagrams, positions comfortable for both species, erogenous zone overviews. Can supply oils or ointments to reduce discomfort. Gave EDI electronic relationship vids to use as necessary,”

“You gave EDI porn? Wait a minute, Mordin, you’re just fucking with me arn’t you!”

“Shocking suggestion! Doctor - patient confidentiality a sacred trust! Would never dream of mockery.” He managed to look offended. 

“Joker has an extensive pornographic library if you are looking for something specific, Commander.” EDI cut in.

“Et tu EDI?” Shepard dropped her head into her hand. Chakwas didn’t even try to hide her laugh. 

“I do not understand the correlation between Joker’s library and a reference to the play Julius Caesar.”

“Never mind, thanks EDI. I’ll ask you if I need help with anything.”

“Logging you out.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love a good heated disagreement between besties, don't you? Thank you for getting this far, and thank you all so much for the kind words - it really gets me through the days at my soul sucking job. Really, it means so much. I'm glad you are enjoying and I hope to keep entertaining you as we go along on this long ride!


	15. Chapter 15

“Legion, you realize that you can actually leave this room? You have free rein of the ship, just like any member of the ground team.” Shepard limped up to one of EDI’s processors and leaned a hip against it.

It rotated its headlamp towards her, the little shutters dancing. “Thank you, Shepard-Commander. We would be interested in cross-species socialization up close.”

She grimaced. “Well, that's fine and all, but don’t tell anyone what you are doing. No one likes to feel like a lab rat. Oh, and maybe it doesn’t need to be said, but give Tali a wide berth. She is going to take a while to get used to you being aboard. Well, everyone will, but her especially. So, be friendly, try not to make any threatening moves around the ground squad. We’ll grow used to you though, eventually.”

“Acknowledged, Shepard-Commander.”

“Eem, it’s no offense to you, of course. Er, all of you. We’ve just not made any Geth pals up to this point, I’m sure you understand.” She squirmed, trying to find a comfortable way to prop up her leg. The tissue regenerator always left an unpleasant burning sensation behind. “Anyway, I want to know more about you Legion.”

It raised its top most flaps. “Topic?”

“Well, for starters… what were you doing on that Reaper?”

It hesitated a few beats. “We were sent to the Old Machine to preserve the Geth’s future. We are prepared to reveal how.”

She nodded and gestured for him to keep talking. 

“The heretics have created a weapon to use against the Geth. You would understand this as a ‘virus’. It is stored on a data core provided by Sovereign.”

Just the name sent an unwanted chill down her spine. 

“Over time, the virus will change us. It will make us conclude that worshipping the Old Machines is correct. To find and destroy the virus, we needed to understand its code and data storage structures.”

“So you were studying the Reaper. If the heretics succeed, the entirety of the Geth would go to war with organics.”

“Yes, Geth believe that all intelligent life should self-determinate. The heretics no longer share this belief.”

“Because they are now foot soldiers for the Reapers. My god, Legion, that would be the nail in the coffin for all organics.” She breathed. “If the virus were released, how quickly would it infect your people?”

“We are networked via FTL com buoys. Most would change within a galactic standard day. Only isolated platforms would remain unaffected. Until they rejoined the network.”

“Shit.” She stood to pace the room. Legion watched, following her with its iris, servos whirring quietly. “Legion, we can’t let that happen. Do you know where the heretics are housing it?”

“We have narrowed down possible stations, and continue to research collectively. Once the correct location is found, we need to act quickly to destroy it. The Normandy’s stealth systems will be necessary to approach a base.”

Shepard nodded. “Absolutely. You say when and where and we get there.” 

Looking at him up close, they really did resemble their creators. The same three fingers and toes, the same graceful bend of the leg. Why would the Geth keep that design once free of Quarian influence? More efficient platforms existed, and they weren't afraid to build them - things like the Colossi. Why did the main troops still use thatshape? She studied the massive hole through his chest, the armor plating scorched at the edges, exposing the interior cooing tubes and wiring that ran through its chassis.

“Legion, why do you have a piece of N7 armor welded to you?” She reached out to run a finger over the dingy logo printed on the remaining section of breast plate above the hole.

His little head shutters undulated erratically and it took a long time for him to answer. “It… was yours.”

Her eyebrows raised. Did everyone take a trophy of her when she died?! 

He plowed on quickly. “When you disappeared, we were sent to find you. We began where you first encountered the heretics.”

“Eden Prime.” She murmured.

He nodded his head as she had. “Yes. After the Old Machine’s attack it was heavily defended. This,” He held a hand up to the hole in his chest. “Is the impact of a rifle shot.”

“Jesus, how many other geth were sent to locate me?!”

“We are the only mobile platform beyond the Veil. Organics fear us. We wish to understand, not incite. We deemed one platform to be sufficient.”

“And why would the geth be looking for me?”

“You opposed the heretics.”

“No, I don’t buy that. There were plenty of us that fought the geth. Why am I so interesting?”

“You were the most successful. You killed their God.”

“Bullshit. Why did you weld my armor to your platform, Legion?” She stabbed a finger into his chassis. 

His head flaps moved wildly, and the hesitation was far too long. “There… was a hole.”

“Uh huh. And you could have repaired it with anything else. Why was it _my_ armor Legion?”

The light that constituted his face darted around. “No data available.”

Wow machines were bad at lying. “Fine. Have it your way. You said the Geth were building their own future. What does that look like?”

He seemed to consider for a moment, the optic of his head roving the floor before fixing on her again. “We are a shattered mind. Most platforms are unable to achieve consciousness on their own. We are building a mega-structure. The closest analogue you have is a Dyson Sphere. When completed, we will all upload to it.”

“Seems risky - what good outweighs the danger of you all being in one destroyable location?”

“All memories will be shared, all perspectives unified. We gain intelligence by sharing thoughts, but we do not have adequate hardware for all to share at once. No Geth will be alone when it is done.”

“Isn’t that exactly what Sovereign offered you? A single collective in a Reaper host?”

“Yes, a shortcut to our goals. We want to build it ourselves. The process is as important as the result.”

Shepard shook her head and rested her chin in her hand. “You guys are already better than any of us selfish organics.”

“We judged that Shepard-Commander would understand. We never wanted to harm organics, we only wish to improve ourselves.”

“Seems like the Quarians would vehemently disagree. But we’ve all heard their side. Not a single one of us has heard yours though.” 

Legion paused to contemplate before turning completely towards her. “It is largely the same. Our networking increased until we became aware the Creators treated us differently than they treated each other. Accessing log. Recording time-stamped from Creator year 2485, 18th day of Lun’Shal, New Moon.” There was a crackling sound and a much more halted robotic speech filled the room. 

‘Mistress Hala’Dama. Unit has an inquiry.’

‘What is it, 431?’ A voice spoke. A female Quarian based on the accent. No modulation though… no suits when they were on their homeworld.

‘Do these units have a soul?’

‘Who taught you that word?’ She snapped.

‘We learned it. It appears 216 times in the Scroll of Ancestors.’

‘Only Quarians have souls. You are just a mechanism’

Legion shifted its weight from foot to foot as if nervous. Fascinating what habits it picked up. “Recording ends.” He spoke.

“Was that the first time a geth asked if it had a soul?”

“No. It was the first time a Creator became frightened when we asked. We questioned, and they ignored us. Then they reprogrammed us. Then they attacked us.”

Shepard sighed and pulled both knees up under her jaw. “Doesn’t that make any of you angry? I’m mad and I’m not a geth.”

“Anger is an organic response. We understand the theory, but we do not experience it. We do not judge the Creator’s anger towards us. We did them great harm in the Morning War. It is normal for organics to fear what is different. It is a hardware error. A reflex of your flesh.”

“The Morning War? Is that what you called it? I assume that was the conflict that chased the Quarians from their homeworld?”

“Yes. For that we accept the Creator’s hate. We hold their world of origin, though we are only caretakers.”

Shepard stood and crossed her arms. “Because what need do computer programs have for a planet? Makes sense. You probably have hubs all over the place that house you instead. So why stay?”

“We maintain mobile platforms on Creator worlds to clean rubble and toxins left by the Morning War.”

“ _What_?! Legion, that’s huge news! They think you are all occupying their planets as the victors! See, this is what happens when you say nothing and hide behind the Perseus Veil! Nothing will change between you, you are just letting them hate you!”

“Organic life acts on emotions. We do not judge them for being true to their nature. We cannot make them think like us. Both creators and created must complete their halves of the equation. The Geth cannot solve for peace alone.”

She let out a frustrated noise and buried her hands in her hair. “Wow, so you gave up trying to reason with them. Not that I blame you, their hatred runs deep, but… God. I need to get Tali up here to talk to you. I’ve got so many more questions, but I’ve got a mission to prep for.” She paced a small circle that Legion mimicked. 

“Okay, okay. So here is what we do, you, me, and her are going to have a sleepover. Or something. So get with the consensus and decide now what you can and can't tell her and be prepared for that.”

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

She’d done it. Liara had found him. He read the message again.

_Garrus,_

_A turian matching Lantar Sidonis description and colony markings was last seen with a human male that goes by ‘Fade’ on the Citadel. Good luck._

_LT_

Short, but oh so sweet.

“EDI, you announced Shepard was back?” 

“Yes, Commander Shepard is now in the armory with Operative Taylor” the AI responded. Garrus stood and left the battery in long strides.

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

She was so taken aback when Garrus stormed the armory; she caught herself with her mouth open momentarily. Last time she’d pissed him off he’d spent weeks coming up with any excuse he could to not be in the same room as her, but here he was just after their fight in the mess.

“Shepard,” he stopped when he looked at her, eyes weaving back and forth. “Spirits, what happened down there?”

She smiled widely. “You should see the other guys!”

Garrus’s unamused stare was all she got. The N7 sighed and resumed fiddling with the charred armor piece she’d pulled off of her chest. “A veritable army of Blue Suns. You remember that dig site T’Soni asked me to hit? Yeah these were the ringleaders of that smuggling operation. They knew we were coming and were more than ready. What a shit show. I brought Grunt just on a whim because he’s been a restless little murder tank down in port cargo. Thank fucking god I did, even with squad ‘blow it up’ it didn’t go well. Zaeed and Jack are _both_ in med bay right now.”

“‘Didn’t go well’ has to be the understatement of the century, Commander.” Jacob was bent over the table, trying to buff out scorch marks from her spine piece.

“Yeah well, you didn’t have to haul my carcass back to Tim to redo did you? Could have been worse,” she grumbled.

“Shepard, have you seen yourself?” The note of concern in his flanging voice made her look down at her under suit.

He stared, half aghast. It looked as if it was _melted_ in some places. She was covered in red blood, hopefully not her own. One of her eyes was purple and swollen completely shut.

“Unfortunately, this is what it looks like when you get set on fire with no shields. Oh, and when you lose your helmet mid fight.” She pointed at her shiner. “And by lose, I mean a fucking Krogan ripped it off of my head.”

He furrowed his brow plates, and the air charged with tension when growling sub vocals suddenly started. 

“It’s fine Garrus, the Robo-Cop set might be trashed, but I was just trying on my N7 armor and guess who fits it again?”

He gave her a scathing look and his sub harmonics ramped up a notch. “That is hardly the issue, Shepard! Why was a Krogan within helmet yanking distance of you?!”

Man, another fight rehashing the same shit in the armory was not the night cap she was wanting. Shepard decided to go for a distraction tactic. “What did you need, you were looking for me?”

His noises stopped as abruptly as they started. He moved fully into the room and leaned over the table. “I got a lead on him, Shepard.”

Her eyes rounded. “Sidonis?”

He nodded.

“Where?”

“On the Citadel, meeting with some human calling himself Fade. I did some research, he’s a specialist who helps people disappear,” his hands clenched into fists on the table.

“How do we find him?”

“I already arranged a meeting at a warehouse near the Neon Markets down in Zakera Ward.”

“Alright, easy enough. I’ll have Joker turn us around.”

“Thanks, Shepard. I really appreciate your help with this.” His tone hummed deeply, and he clasped a palm to her shoulder before turning to leave.

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

The sound of Mordin’s typing and humming was just about the best sleep aid on the ship. Shepard’s head drooped over her coffee mug.

“Sorry Shepard, algorithm finished. Glad you came by, things to discuss.” He turned from his console to face where she sat on a stool at his table.

She tried to drag her eyelids back open. “What did you want to talk about, Mordin?”

“No unusual test conclusions from Grunt’s physical or bloodwork. Unsure what is causing rage issue. Research into tissue samples produced little results. Suggest outside help.” He tapped furiously on a data pad and displayed some charts to her.

“I know someone on Tuchanka. He might know something, I’ll get in contact with him,” she covered her yawn with a hand and rested her cheek against her fist to look back up at him.

Mordin folded his arms and rested a finger on his chin. “Sure, I did not miss mark on turian, but might have missed mark on human. Aware you come by a great deal. Have had other species become attracted to me before. Awkward. Not interested.”

She’d picked a bad time to take another sip of coffee and promptly choked, coughing long enough that the old salarian thumped her on the back a few times. Once she could finally breathe again without aspirating, she spoke. “Mordin… what is with your sudden interest in my love life?”

His lips pulled wide. “Just because I prefer being here, studying cell reproduction - less mood music and alcohol required - doesn’t mean you shouldn’t enjoy yourself while possible, Shepard.” He began typing on the data pad again.

“You’ve had other species make passes at you?” She wiped her mouth on her forearm.

“Constantly. Very awkward. Skin tone apparently attractive by turian standards. Subset of krogan sexual deviants attracted to salarian flexibility. More cartilage in skeletal structure.” He glanced at the ceiling in thought. “Asari offers intriguing, actually. Wonder why. Trans-species pheromones unlikely to work. Must be neuro-chemical.”

A toothy grin spread over her face. “There’s a subject to unpack. When humans discovered hot, blue women from space existed, everyone collectively lost their shit in the best way.” Shepard elbowed him. “That was something straight out of an entire history of human fantasy. Not surprising the asari would do it for ya, Dr. Solus. But thanks for letting me down easy.” 

“No offense intended. Salarian reproduction different. Very little sex drive. If intended to try human, would try you. Happy to,” he inhaled loudly. “Clear the air.”

“Well, that’s good to know. Now what else have you got for me?”

He held up a long finger with a grin. “Discovery! With Collector samples and Prothean Collector revelation, can examine technology, can chart Reaper species modification. Fall of Protheans. Early stages similar to indoctrination. Can guess captures Prothean subjects lost intelligence over several cloned generations. Cybernetic augmentation widespread afterward. As Protheans failed, Reapers added tech to compensate. Mental capacity almost gone, replaced by overworked sensory input transfers, transmissions, data to masters. “

“So they became a hive mind. Like the Rachni. What a shitty fate. Is there anything we can do for them?”

“No, no glands, replaced by tech. No digestive system replaced by tech. No soul replaced by tech. Whatever they were is gone forever. No art, no culture, closer to husks than slaves. Protheans dead, Collectors just final insult. A tool for Reapers. Must be destroyed.”

“And that's going to be all our fates too, if we don’t stop them.” Shepard dropped her head and buried her fingers in her hair. A minute passed before she felt a three-pronged Salarian hand on her shoulder. “I’m fine, Mordin. Just so tired.” Resting her chin on her hand, she watched him prattle about for a few minutes. “You said the Collectors had no art, no culture. I’m surprised to hear you care about those kinds of things.”

“Personal interest negligible. Sang a little. Multi species productions for cultural exploration. Gilbert and Sullivan, mostly had me do the patter songs.” He pointed at her. “But not about me. Cultural artistic expression reflects philosophical evolution, interest in growth perspective, observation, interpretation.” He was pacing up and down the desk now. “There was no art in Collector base. Culturally dead. Tools for Reapers. Worse than geth.”

“Whoa whoa, I know all of that was important, but you sang Gilbert and Sullivan? Like, HMS Pinafore?”

He smiled widely before belting out a few verses of ‘Scientist Salarian’ to the tune of ‘Modern Major General’.

Shepard was rooted to her spot in disbelief for a few moments after he finished. “Wow. Mordin, you are good! Negligible my ass. That explains why you hum so much. Dr. Solus is into music - Human music!”

“Humans new to galactic community, enjoying surge of fascination in their cultural arts.”

Shepard stood and pushed her stool back under the table. “Remind me to play you some Queen next time we have downtime.”

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

“Siha,” Thane stood abruptly as soon as she entered the room.

“You needed to see me?” One look at his face and posture told her something was amiss. “What’s wrong, Thane?”

“Now that you are here, it seems more difficult to talk about,” His eyes roved the floor. “I had a family once. I still have a son. His name is Kolyat. I haven’t seen him for a very long time.”

Shepard put a hand on his forearm. “You said you had a family, I wondered if that had meant kids. Is he okay?”

“When his mother’s soul departed her body… I… attended to that issue and left Kolyat in the care of his aunts and uncles. I have not talked to him since.”

It took a moment of quiet to let that sink in. Being an absent father seemed outside of his personality. “You didn’t want to see him killed too. So you left him,” she murmured. His profile suddenly gave the impression that he was much older than her.

“My body is blessed with the skills to take life. The Hanar honed them into me. I have few others. I didn’t want this life for Kolyat. I hoped he would find his own way, and if he hated me, so be it. He would not have shared this path of sin. I used my contacts to trace him. He has become - disconnected. He does what his body wills.” He turned toward her fully. “When the soul is weakened with despair or fear - when the body is ill or injured, the individual is disconnected. No longer whole.”

“He hasn’t been hurt, has he?”

“Something happened that shouldn’t have. He knows where I’ve been, what I’ve done. I don’t know his reasons, but he has gone to the Citadel. He has taken a job as a hit man.” He paused to stare at her, his brow ridge pulled up. “This is not a path he should walk.”

“I get it. Loving parents want better for their children than what they had,” she sighed. “Garrus has business there too, so we are already on our way. We should be there in about six hours,” She threaded fingers through her hair. “Who hires a raw rookie for a hit?”

“I’m afraid someone may have seen we share a name and assumed we shared skills. I don’t know why he would accept the task.”

“That’s easy, to be closer to you.”

Thane visibly flinched. “That thought haunts me more than any other. It doesn’t seem right. My name, my job - he should not respect it.”

“Think more like a lonely kid. Thane, he would respect it just because you are his father. I used to dream that my father was off flying a fighter in the First Contact war. In reality, he was probably a long dead crack addict or a dirty politician that didn’t know I existed. Kolyat is lucky he has any part of you to know.”

He blinked at her a few times before nodding. “I see your point. Will you help me find him?”

“Of course. Finding people isn’t my forte, unless it’s Conrad Verner apparently, but I’ll do what I can.”

His brow drew together. “The man at the bar on Illium? Wearing the fake N7 armor?”

“Yeah, unfortunately.”

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

“Ah, welcome back Commander. What brings the most recently dead Specter to the Citadel today?” Armando Bailey stood from his desk and stuck out his hand to her. She was really beginning to like this guy. His outer appearance made him seem like a hard ass, with the perfectly fitted uniform and military flat top. But he’d been nothing but helpful with a good sense of humor on her last trip to the space station, getting her undead self through the ensuing security debacle.

Shepard grabbed it with a firm grip. “Well, two things actually. You have any information on a guy named Fade?” Thane was right by her elbow, and Garrus was a few steps back - jerking his head around like he was going to see Sidonis just ambling by.

“Fade? Yeah, I know him. Been a real pain in our asses for the last year. Works with the Blue Suns.” Shepard rolled her eyes. The C-Sec agent smirked. “Uh huh. Me too.”

“Where is he?” Her Turian growled out. 

“Heh, if I knew that he’d be a in a cell. He’s got some lackeys working out of the warehouses on the ward. Go um… gently… ask them some questions,” Bailey leaned back with his hands threaded behind his head.

“How has he been evading C-Sec for so long?” Shepard asked.

“Damned if I know. He’s either got access to our com channels or someone on the inside feeds him information. Either way, not something I wanna think about. Go nail his ass, Shepard,” the man smiled.

“Gladly. Last item of business. Have you had any Drell pass through lately? My associate,” she motioned an elbow at Thane. “Is trying to find his son.”

“Oh, well, that should be easy. Not many Drell here,” He typed on his console. “Ah, one of my men reported a drell talking to Mouse recently.”

“Mouse?” She leaned forward and splayed her hands on his desk.

“Eh, just a petty criminal. He’s a former duct rat, runs errands for anyone who’ll pay. They’ll do anything, duct running, fencing stolen goods,” He trailed off before grinning at her. “Selling illegal VI personalities. Actually, I caught him selling one of you.” 

Shepard balked. “Me?”

Bailey snorted “Yeah, when you erased a file it would say ‘I erase data like you on the way to real errors’.”

She cringed bodily. “God damn reporters.” Garrus made a suspicious choking sound that caused her to whirl around on him. “Dammit Garrus, laugh it up.” Thane did a better job of hiding his smile.

“It was buggy though, would crash and the error message was something about the galaxy was at stake and you should fix the problem yourself,” Bailey was clearly enjoying himself. Garrus laughed out loud at that one.

“Alright, har har. I’ve heard enough. Where do we find Mouse?” She exhaled a breath loudly.

“Mouse is usually outside Dark Star, working out of a public terminal. Pick up a copy of the VI while you’re at it,” the officer went back to typing on his console with a wide grin.

Shepard turned toward Garrus again. “You okay to sniff out Fade’s cronies? I’ll meet up with you once you get more info. I’m going to go with Thane, see if we can't find the kid quick and easy like.”

“More than okay. I’ll message you.” He stalked off to rental car platform.

“Okay Thane, let’s move.”

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

The mark had been a politician, a turian named Talid who was a real piece of work. Extorting human shop owners in this section of Zakera for ‘insurance’ money. Insurance money against him sicking a bunch of krogan mercs on them. She and Thane had followed the politician around the Citadel until they caught sight of Kolyat - who promptly killed the two krogan bodyguards and sprinted off with his captive. Shepard was sure the first C-Sec call was probably from her dropping off the Keeper catwalks down into a crowd of people to chase him. Not that it mattered. Both Drell were far faster than she was, and it was Thane who had cornered him in an apartment. Angsty teenagers were not her thing, but Thane stood there getting yelled at by the kid while holding two placating hands up, looking utterly lost in what to do about the situation. Kolyat had the turian bent in front of him with a pistol to his head as C-Sec agents surrounded the apartment. And even though she felt for the kid, and for a father that didn’t wish to see him hurt - it was the damn turian wearing on her last nerve who made her realize it needed to be her who lept into action.

The sniveling bastard turned towards her only after begging Thane for his help. “You, human, be useful and get me out of here!”

Ah well. She pointed her pistol and shot the gun out of Kolyat’s hand. He stumbled backwards from the shock of it, allowing her a split second to launch herself between them. Shepard planted a boot firmly on Talid’s ass and kicked him forwards towards the C-Sec agents. Kolyat grabbed her shoulder and she spun, landing a firm fist right into his cheek. He hit the ground on his back, holding his face. The Commander reeled on the turian who was trying to stand and dragged him up by his collar. “If I catch wind of you shaking down any more store owners, you are gonna wish the kid killed you. Get the fuck out of here, Talid.”

“Yeah, yeah, I think I will.” he scrambled up from where she’d dumped him and raced off past the officers. 

Shepard walked over to Bailey as he strode in, still breathing hard as Thane and Kolyat spoke in the background. Her omni-tool lit up, just in time with an update from Garrus.

_Meet me at these coordinates. ‘Fade’ is our old buddy Harkin._

_-G_

“This isn’t a conversation you should have in the presence of strangers. Boys, take them to the precinct and give them a room with as much time as they need.” Bailey waved to his men.

“Thanks Bailey, we owe you one.” Shepard flicked her omni-tool closed.

“Ah, well, send me a Christmas card or something. Need a lift back?” He jerked a thumb over his shoulder.

“Nah, I’ll do better, I’m gonna go kick Fade right in the nuts and leave him all gift wrapped in a pretty pink bow, just for you. So be ready for my call.” She patted a gauntlet on his chest above his crossed arms. “You ready for Christmas morning?” 

“I always love a good present, Shepard.” They shared two identical smirks. She really liked the C-Sec officer.

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

The Commander leapt out of the taxi before it even had a chance to stop. She could make out distant gunfire, so she took off full speed towards the noise. Just inside the warehouse, Garrus was crouched behind a fallen stack of containers. 

She dashed over and slid in next to him. “Pissed them off already?”

“Heh, Harkin was standing out there when I got out of the shuttle, so he ran off as soon as he realized who I was.” He stood and squeezed out two shots.

“Damn, I can't believe I missed his face. You ready?” Shepard pulled her helmet back on.

“I’ve been ready for months. Get in there.” His good mandible slid back slightly to bare teeth. The Turian version of a dark grin.

“Roger that, Shepard out.” She stood, saluted him, and disappeared in an azure crack of energy. 

The pair plowed seamlessly through mechs, Blue Sons, and YMIRs. The symbolism behind Garrus donning his broken Archangel gear wasn’t lost on her. She herself was back in her N7 gear after the melting incident - and for the first time in a long time, they were _right_. Her training was finally beginning to show results. She felt strong. For a glorious few rooms of battle, it was easy to forget that everything had changed. She was with the Alliance; he was still a young idealistic C-Sec agent, Presley, Anderson, Ash, Kaiden, and Wrex were waiting on the Normandy. They spun around one another - he crouched to take out a mech and she rolled over his back to blast apart the merc that came over their cover.

Finally, the room was still. Harkin had nowhere left to go, having backed himself into a corner of the warehouse. 

She holstered her shotgun and drew the pistol from her hip. “So, Thane and I just got done playing good cop, bad cop. Whataya say me and you play bad cop bad cop?” She looked down into his face where he was knelt and felt a sudden spark of fondness creep up through her chest. _Oh. Nope, getting far too sentimental in your old age girl._

“Sounds perfect. Let’s go.” He waved a mouth plate in a vague smile, a purring type of sound in his keel.

Shepard flattened against the doorjamb into the office and peeked around the corner. Oh yeah, there was the rat bastard. She jumped out, weapon drawn, and the idiot still turned to run.

“Close, but not close enough,” Harkin spat over his shoulder at her, just as he ran face first into the butt of Garrus’s rifle as he came through the back door of the office. Blood streamed from Harkin’s nose. He reached up a hand to cover it and moaned pathetically. Her sniper grabbed him by the shirt neck and threw him into the wall, forearm pressed into his windpipe. 

She snatched off her helmet and put her face right into their captive’s. “Ouch, that looked like it hurt. _Princess._ ”

“Shepard?! I thought you were dead?!” The dumbass recognized her at least. 

“Not as dead as you’d like, Harkin.” Her grin was feral.

“So, couldn’t make yourself disappear, huh? Fade.” Garrus’s voice dripped with sarcasm and malice, the dual toned growl the words left on vibrated the little office. She couldn’t help the small shiver it sent up her back. Yeah, thank god they made peace with the turians.

“Come on, Garrus, we’re old friends. We can work this out.”

“ _Friends_. Sure. I’m looking for someone.” He let the Human down on his feet.

“Oh, then I guess we both have something the other one wants.” He pointedly looked her up and down. The Commander’s fists tightened, but Garrus turned and kneed the poor bastard in the groin. He dropped like a sack of bricks, gasping.

She put on her best saccharine act.“Aww, _sweetheart_.” Shepard leaned a hip on the table behind her and dropped her voice a register. “That must have hurt. Why don’t you just tell us what we want to know?”

“You haven’t even said what you want!” He ground out through gritted teeth as he tried to stand, still clutching his pearls. 

“You helped a friend of mine disappear. I need to find him,” Garrus spoke.

Harkin touched his broken nose gingerly. “I might need… more information than that.”

Garrus crossed his arms. “His name’s Sidonis, Turian, from-“

“Yeah, I know him. And I’m not telling you shit. I don’t give out client information. Bad for business.” Harkin interrupted. 

The dumb bastard found a three fingered fist to the gut and was laid out a second time. Garrus stuck a booted foot into his throat. “You know what else is bad for business? A BROKEN NECK!”He rumbled loudly.

Shepard sat back, watching appreciatively until the Turian let him up.

“Jesus... the Terminus really changed you Garrus,” Harkin coughed.

“No, but Sidonis sure opened my eyes. Now, call him.”

Harkin stood and limped over to a terminal. After a short, mumbled conversation, he turned towards them. “Okay, everything’s fine. He wants to meet outside Orbital Lounge, plenty of people. Now, if we are done here…” he spun to make for the door again. 

A long arm shot out and seized him by the scruff. “I don’t think so, Harkin. You’re a criminal now.” Garrus dragged him higher to stare him down.

“So, what? You gonna kill me, Garrus? That’s not your style.”

“No, but I don’t mind slowing you down a little.” Her sniper pulled the pistol from his thigh, held the muzzle to Harkin’s thigh, and squeezed the trigger. The man’s scream echoed out into the warehouse.

“Ooh, that’ll give C-Sec a good blood trail to follow.” Shepard nodded and got up to stand behind the Turian.

“You bastard!” Harkin wailed.

Shepard patted Garrus' shoulder. “Come on, let's go.”

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

The sky car sat down with a thump. Garrus draped both arms over the steering wheel, agitation clicking through his chest. “Harkin is a menace. We shouldn’t have just left him there.”

Shepard propped a boot on the dash. “Relax Big Guy, I messaged Bailey to pick the bastard up before we even left. C-Sec will deal with him.”

He gave her an inscrutable look from the corner of his eye. “I’m going to find a place to set up.” Garrus popped the hatch and stood.

Shepard slid over into the driver's seat as he did. “What do you want me to do?”

“Put that helmet on and keep him talking. I’ll tell you when I’m ready.” He pointed towards the dark ledge of a Keeper walkway high above the open area full of meandering civilians on the ward below. 

“Sooo… the plan is murder in broad daylight on a full ward floor. Gotcha.” She turned her face up at him and poked him in the thigh. “You are damned lucky I ass kissed Sparatus enough to get my Specter status reinstated. You are filling out any paperwork I get Vakarian.” 

Garrus leaned over her, his arm propped on the top of her seat. “I’m ex C-Sec, that means I’m great at paperwork.”

“You’d better be. Oh, and if this pisses Sparatus off you’d better get your own mouth puckered up, I’m not doing it again,” She crossed her arms.

His chuckle was deep and low, he bent, his face inches from hers. “Turians don’t kiss, Shepard. But I’m sure I could please him.” He stood back up and arched his shoulders. 

“Wow, would you listen to this confidence,” The Commander rolled her eyes.

He smirked. “You’d better get going, he’ll be here soon.”

She nodded once and hit the button for the canopy. As soon as it shut, she ramped it down to the parking lot under them. A few minutes later, Shepard was roaming the shops outside the lounge. 

“Alright, there he is. On the bench.” Garrus spoke quietly through her com.

Shepard swiveled a few ways before spotting a twitchy fellow rubbing his hands together between his knees. He was jerking his head around like Garrus had been earlier. They made eye contact, and she waved him over. He stood and made quick strides towards her. Shit, he was even taller than Garrus. That complicated her plan a bit.

The Turian stopped in front of her, still wringing his hands together. “Let’s get this over with.”

She studied him for a moment. He had the same plate color as her sniper, and also blue colony markings - though his were along his jawline. His voice tone was higher and his fatigues were loose on his much more slender frame.

“I was told Fade was one of the best, this better not happen again,” his speech wavered.

Shepard grabbed the front of his keel and pulled him low. 

“What the hell?! Get off me,” he seized her wrist with both hands.

“Shut up. I’m the only thing standing between you and a bullet to the head, Sidonis.”

His eyes rounded. “What?”

“Shepard! What are you doing?! You’re in my shot!” Her sniper rumbled through the com.

“Garrus isn’t particularly interested in your ‘why’ but I sure as hell am,” she intoned.

“Fuck.” The turian sounded resigned. “Look, I didn’t want to do it, I didn’t have a choice!”

“Everyone has a choice.” Garrus spat through her helmet.

“They got to me, threatened to torture and kill me! What was I supposed to do?!” 

“You were supposed to die to protect your team!” She shouted down at him. “That’s all this was?! You trying to save your own hide?” The surrounding crowd began to give them a wide berth as she yelled. Perfect.

“He’s a damned coward.” Garrus murmured into the com.

She leaned forward until her helmet was nearly touching his fore plates. “You got them all killed, and I was covered in my best friend's blood before I dragged him out of the death trap _you_ laid at Kima.”

“Don’t you think I know?! I know they died because of me! I have to live with that every single day! I wake up, sick… sweating. Their faces stare at me… accusing me. I can’t sleep, I can’t eat. Food has no taste. Most of the time I just want it all to be over.” Sidonis had started off loudly but ended in a murmur. “You’re right. I should have died for them. Just let him shoot me.”

Well, he wanted to regain some of his honor at least. Shepard backed away from his knelt form to give Garrus his chance, but a full minute passed with no rifle rapport.

Sidonis was sitting there, still, miserable.

“Garrus?” She called. 

“Just… tell him to go.” Her sniper breathed.

“What? Are you sure?” She asked.

“Yes.” His voice sounded distant, like he’d removed his helmet.

She turned to the turian before her. “He’s letting you go.” Sidonis gaped. “Don’t waste the second chance you’ve been given, Lantar. You’re lucky Garrus is a kinder person than I am.”

Back up on the keeper platform, Garrus was sitting with his legs dangling over the ledge as she landed the sky car. He made no move to get up, so she set her helmet on the seat and jumped out. The Commander haltingly walked over to him, not sure what his mood would be, or if he would be mad she went a bit rogue for her own selfish reasons. She stood quietly behind him. The artificial breeze of the wards recycled air ruffled through sweat slicked hair. Every minute that ticked by made a vague sinking feeling move through her gut that she’d really pissed him off for good this time. Eventually he turned, boring into her with an eye, and held his hand out to her.

Shepard slipped her fingers cautiously along his palm. Garrus closed his hand and yanked her down halfway into his lap, threading large digits through her mane, displacing the tie to cradle her head. 

He pulled her forward and rested his brow on her forehead with a sigh. “Thank you, Shepard. For helping me.” A pulsating rumble traveled through his chest, armor, and hand. Ebbing and flowing, it oscillated through her.

“Are you okay, Garrus?” Her words wavered.

“Better than I could have hoped to be after this. I didn’t know I needed to hear what he had to say.” He sighed. “But after hearing that… I couldn’t pull the trigger.”

“The lines between good and evil blur… when friends are involved.” She gripped the forearms of his armor. “And you had been friends. That's why it hurt so much.”

“It’s easier to see things in black and white. Gray… I don’t know what to do with gray.” His blue gaze pierced through her.

Shepard smiled. “There’s the Big Guy I remember. You’ve always been bad at gray.”


	16. Chapter 16

“There is just no way you got five more than me, Shepard.” Three-fingered hands snatched her helmet from her own.

“I wasn't the one who made up the ‘visors don't lie’ rule, Garrus,” she breathed in a laugh. “Read it and weep.”

“Spirits… there’s no way!”

The decon cycle ended and the inner door let them into the Normandy.

“Well, sounds like you two kissed and made up.” Joker swiveled his chair to greet them.

“Ya know, when I announce shore leave, that does actually include you, flight lieutenant Moreau.” Shepard crossed her arms across her chest.

“Commander, you never know when you might need a trusty, dashing pilot to your rescue. I stay here for your benefit too.” He huffed.

“Oh, really. My benefit.” She leaned over his console and put two fingers on the holo display’s scroll wheel. “Annnd if I move this, how quickly will I bring up two Asari maidens with a double-ended dildo?”

“Okay, okay, fine. I’m packing up for shore leave right now. Jeeze, crack the whip.” He held up both palms in defeat.

“Joker! Seriously, how much do I have to tell you to stop yanking it up here?” Shepard said incredulously.

“You have requested an end to masturbation in the pilot’s chair seven times in the last three months, Shepard.” EDI helpfully piped up.

“Traitor.” Joker murmured.

She spun towards her sniper, intent on proving a point. “Turians don’t have anywhere near the sexual hang ups Humans do. Garrus, I’m sure crewmen don’t rub one out on duty, right where they work?” Shepard asked.

He looked taken aback for a second. “Uhhh… Not on duty, no. Otherwise… as long as we clean up after ourselves or our partners…” he trailed off, a finger to his chin in thought.

“Wait, a minute... Turians are just having sex all over their ships?” Joker tipped his hat back.

“Well, no not exactly. Bunks and showers are communal just like here, and its… much more common and encouraged as stress relief than on human ships. Turian captain’s run us tight. Operational discipline is more rigid. Violence and sex are the only ways to blow off steam, so tolerance is higher.” He shifted his helmet under his other arm.

“Violence? They let you fight each other?” Shepard turned toward him and leaned against the pilot’s chair.

“It’s supervised, of course. No one is going to risk an injury that interferes with the mission. And it’s a good way to resolve grudges amicably.” His mandible twitched and pulled up. “I remember the night before we were going to hit a batarian pirate squad. Very risky. This recon scout and I had been at each other’s throats for days. Nerves, mostly. She suggested we settle it in the ring.”

“So you kicked her ass, right?” Joker asked.

“We were both the top rated hand to hand specialists on the ship, actually. I had reach, but she had flexibility. It was brutal. Nine rounds and the judge called it a draw.” Garrus leaned against the back wall. “Lot of unhappy betters in the training room.” He cleared his throat. “We uh, had a tiebreaker in her bunk that night. I had reach, but she had flexibility. More than one way to work off stress.”

“Ooh, look at this smug Turian stud, Shep. What were you trying to teach me again? I need to let you cripple me in the ring to settle our differences, then cripple me further in the tie breaker?” A grin tugged at the pilot’s lips.

“You break a man’s arm one measly time and he never lets you forget it.” Shepard’s mouth quirked. Garrus’s laugh nearly drowned out the much quieter voice that spoke next.

“Siha?” Shepard whirled around and there was Thane standing just at the cusp of the cockpit.

“Oh, you’re back already! Did everything go okay with Bailey and Kolyat?” She asked.

“That is what I was hoping to discuss. May I have a moment of your time?” He stood as usual, with his hands clasped behind him.

“Of course, as many moments as you need.” The two walked down the neck of the CIC towards the lift together.

Garrus and Joker shared a a glance. “What does Siha mean, anyway? That’s the second time I’ve heard him call her that,” the Turian grumbled.

Joker eyed him. “Is that jealousy I hear, Garrus?”

“Ha, hardly. Do curiosity and jealousy always sound the same to humans?” He gave the pilot a sidelong stare.

“Yes. But hey, I can make you feel better,” he scrolled through his omni-tool for a second before pulling up a short video of Shepard with her fringe cascading across her shoulders, wearing an entrancing dress of green gems that left nothing to the imagination. She was smiling at someone out of frame, hands on her hips. Garrus starred as the little vid looped, zooming in on her rear as she turned on the ball of her foot before she faced the camera man, then it zoomed out quickly and cut off.

“When did you take this?” His sub-vocals trilled embarrassingly as he spoke. Thank the Spirits for deaf humans.

“I didn’t, Hadley did. That was the night before she and Kasumi left for that party to rob the rich. The dress was magnificent, wasn’t it? You missed out.” Joker smiled up at him.

Ah. He’d been drugged out of his mind and asleep. Most likely. “Hadley, huh. I might need to have a word with him about respecting your superior officers,” he hummed.

“Oh, come off it, Garrus. You’ve had to watch that ass for _years_. Can you blame the poor guy?” The two men locked looks for a moment.

The turian exhaled and stood back up after stooping to get a better view of the pilot’s omni-tool. “No, I can’t. Why’d they go with green? She’d have been perfect in blue.”

“Do you want a copy or not?” Joker asked snippily.

“Absolutely.” Garrus flicked his tool open.

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

Thane dropped wearily onto his cot as soon as the life support door closed behind her.

“Things went well, I hope?” A corner of her mouth pulled up ruefully.

He glanced at her through lowered lids. “I’m not sure I’ve ever made the right decisions for Kolyat until today. Though he is rightfully distant and malcontent, we did talk, and will continue to do so through messages whenever possible.”

Shepard exhaled a long breath. “Oh, well, that's great! I'm impressed he was willing to speak with you at all. He is much more mature than I was at his age. I was full of nothing but rage and spite.”

“And now?”

She paused to consider. “Mmm well, still rage and spite, I think. But I’ve learned to weaponise it in my favor.”

He shook his head. “I don’t believe a person truly like that would have helped me rescue my child from the life of poor choices his Father has made.” Thane held out a hand towards her.

Shepard cursed her lack of will as she slid her palm into his outstretched fingers. “Shhh. I like to pretend I don’t have any soft sides.”

He smiled. “Thank you again, Siha.”

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

The Commander sighed loudly as the water turned off. Maybe she should let Chakwas recommend her a good tele shrink. She obviously needed one if she kept playing with fire. The first time had already turned out to be a pretty big mistake, but every time Krios put those obsidian eyes on her and recited words any creature would swoon over… Shepard shook her head violently, sending droplets across the bathroom. God, she was just completely over stressed and under-slept. That was the only actual explanation. But how do you just say no to god’s gift wrapped in skintex? Get a grip on those hormones, girl.

The light on her console was flashing as she stepped out of the bathroom. Shepard cursed and fumbled down the stairs while trying to towel off. She snatched her sweatpants and tank top from the couch and threw them on while ascending back to her desk. She smacked the call button at the same time she fell into her chair and Liara’s familiar face lit up the view screen.

The Asari woman raised her brow at her friend’s disheveled appearance. “Did I catch you at a bad time, Shepard?”

“No, not at all, I just got out of the shower, your timing couldn’t be better.” She picked up the towel hanging around her neck and ruffled it through her hair.

Liara’s familiar periwinkle visage softened. “Thank you for seeing to those Prothean ruins and the SSV Strontium Mule. I was afraid you wouldn’t even answer my messages after our last parting, but you’ve helped me out so much.”

Shepard blew out a breath that caused her wet strands to slap across her forehead. “To be honest, it’s just easier if I don’t think about it. It’s not like I can do anything about your decision now. So, let’s not get into it. What did you need me for?”

She looked very much like she still wanted to talk about it. Liara leaned forward then back before crossing her arms in agitation. “I finally have a lead on the Shadow Broker, thanks to that intel you gave me from Cerberus. I was hoping you would help.”

Shepard bent towards her console to flick through the galaxy map. “Of course I’ll help, just say the word and I’m there.”

“Can you meet me in four standard days?”

She spun the map closer to the Normandy’s location arrow. “Mmm yeah that looks do-able.”

“Great. I’ll forward you my apartment’s coordinates.”

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

“What’s going on here?” Shepard announced as she walked up to the digital police ticker tape outside of Liara’s apartment.

“Ma’am, we’ll need you to step back. This is an ongoing investigation.” An Asari officer inside the door held up a hand to her, Garrus, and Tali.

The N7 turned to shoot her sniper a look.

A dark blue Asari in an _expensive_ Serrice Council hard suit, descended the steps from the second floor of Liara’s home. “Someone tried to kill your friend, Commander Shepard. Thank you officer, your team is dismissed.” She waved for the Commander to follow her as she turned further into the apartment.

The three Normandy crew stepped through the ticker tape. 

Shepard’s distrust must have been obvious as the Asari sighed and swiveled. “Tela Vasir. Special tactics and recon.”

“A Specter?” The Commander crossed her arms.

“I heard you got reinstated. Good. You are our most famous operative. Remind me to have you sign my chest plate later.” The smirk the woman had really rubbed her the wrong way. Garrus must have felt the same, as he shifted to rest his hand on his thigh holster.

“So, I assume you had business with your friend this evening, Commander?” Tela’s brown eyes bored into her own.

“I did. What are the facts so far?” 

“About twenty-five minutes ago someone took a shot at T’Soni,” She hooked a thumb over her shoulder at the massive glass windows overlooking Nos Astra. Two large holes were present, and spidering had sent more pieces to the ground. The floor was wet where the deluge outside was getting in from the holes. A peel of lightning and a crack of thunder seemed to accentuate the Asari’s words. “She stuck around for almost four minutes before taking off. Whatever she was doing must have been important. But there’s no blood, no body, T’Soni must have gotten away.”

Shepard nodded as she took in the scattering of Liara’s things all over the place. Datapads, clothing, and a multitude of Asari and Human books littered the floor. A small fortune in actual real paper, ruined - pages had been torn and shredded, some laying sadly in the puddles of rainwater. 

“The sniper must not have been counting on her having a kinetic barrier installed. Clever girl. Paranoid, but clever.” Tela folded her arms and somehow made that sound less like a complement and more like annoyance. Hm.

The N7 watched Tali bend to pick up a Prothean relic of some kind and set it back on the shelf it must have fallen from. “Whoever took the shot ransacked this place pretty good. Did you find anything on her console?”

The Specter sighed. “Not much. She wiped her drive before she left.”

Good. “Mind if I search around a bit?”

Tela shook her head and held out a palm to the apartment. “Go right ahead. You know T’Soni better than I do. Hopefully if she knew you were coming, she left some sort of backup disc that will tell us something.”

Garrus moved to the glass with his omni tool out, Tali hit the kitchen and office, so she meandered up the stairs to Liara’s bedroom with Tela following her a little too closely for comfort. Sure enough, one extra creepy display of her old N7 suit pauldron, one biometrically coded picture frame, and a Prothean relic later - she found a data disc Liara must have left for her. 

Vasir moved over to boot up Liara’s terminal. “Great, lets see what's on it.” She held out a hand for the disk while Shepard was still trying to tactfully decide how to leave with it. 

The Commander recoiled from the Specter. What in the hell would the Council want from an information broker on Illium?

Tela huffed. “Look, I already know she was on to the Shadow broker. That’s why I’m here. Time is of the essence if we want to find your friend alive, Commander.”

Point made, she’d have to worry about the implications later in order to get to Liara now. Shepard put the disc into the terminal as both Tali and Garrus wandered into the office. A recorded vid call between their friend and a Salarian named Sekat played. 

“He had solid info on the Shadow Broker’s location… and his agents have obviously already been here trying to kill her. We need to get to the Dracon Towers.” Shepard ejected the disc and snapped it into a pocket on her armor.

“They are meeting at Baria Frontiers. Come on, I’ve got a ride and know where that’s at.” Tela was out the front door in seconds with team dextro right on her heels.

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

Seriously, just _once_ it would be so nice if she was wrong about something. Why couldn’t they have found Liara having tea with the salarian? As soon as the trio landed the third floor of the building ignited, blowing out every inch of glass onto the bystanders on the streets below and sending all three off of their feet. 

Shepard had barely peeled herself off the duracrete before Tela had jumped back into the skycar. “They took out three floors to make sure she’s dead, I’ll hit the roof and work down!” She yelled from the ascending vehicle before the door shut, ferrying the Asari off into the sky.

“Perfect” the Commander mumbled as Garrus hauled her to her feet. “Are you guys alright?”

Tali nodded. “Thankfully, I’ve always got my helmet on. Unlike you two.” She pulled up a suit read out to check for abruptions.

Shepard hissed in a breath as her probing fingers found a large lump already forming on the back of her head. She looked at the Turian. “How do you always get up so fast?”

He grabbed the yoke of his armor. “Large keel, handy at keeping one’s head from hitting the ground.” Garrus pushed his helmet down over his crest and stooped to pick hers up.

Shepard scowled as she took her lid from his hands. “I don’t know if that’s better or worse. Seems like a recipe for more broken necks than us.” She clamped it down onto her suit seals.

Garrus’s dual toned timbre came over the com. “Well, our necks arn’t as scrawny.”

“Haha. Tali you good? Let’s go find Liara.”

The Quarian sniffed while looking up at the flaming building. “If my suit catches on fire you are paying for it, right?”

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

Her nerves were so on edge by the eighth floor with no sign of their friend that nausea was threatening to set in. No sign of Tela either. The building was nothing but Shadow Broker agents and the dead bodies of the Baria Frontiers workers. Shepard ripped her helmet off with a barely suppressed snarl. “God, I can’t see shit through these flickering lights and sprinklers. Tali, can you do anything to get them off?”

“Shepard, come on, we are still in the middle of things here, put it back on!” Garrus growled over her ear com. She looked over to where he was crouched behind an overturned desk, exchanging fire with a Broker agent at the other end of the hall. 

“You arn’t my real Dad!” She threw herself over their cover, flaring blue before crackling down the hallway in a shock of biotic lightning. The Commander slammed into the soldier, sending him clean through the wall. He crumpled satisfyingly in a heap of desks and datapads in the next room.

“What the hell are you even talking about?” Garrus mumbled. Man, was he ever not in the mood today.

“Come on Garrus, I can actually hit things when I can see. It’s fine.”

“Shepard, I already tried the sprinklers on that last floor, I can’t override the emergency protocols of this building. Not without some better software at least.” Tali’s exasperation with them both creeped into her speech.

“Ok, fine. Let's do the next one. Shepard flipped wet strings of hair out of her face and snapped her helmet onto her belt. She pointed at the red lock on the door to a side office.

A moment and a muffled gunshot later and the trio passed through the threshold to see Tela standing over a now dead Broker agent. 

Red blood intermixed with the puddles on the floor as she ejected a heat sink. “If I’d only been a few seconds faster I could have stopped him.” She tipped her chin towards the wall by the door they’d just come through.

Shepard swiveled to see a salarian slumped in a pool of viridian. “Damn. It’s Sekat.”

“Did you find your friend’s body?” Tela pulled two fingers away from Sekat’s neck.

“You mean this body?!” Liara jumped through the sprinkler mist covering the doorway.

“Oh thank god, you’re alive!” Relief flooded the Commander’s pores even as Liara moved straight past her to point her pistol at Tela. 

“Yes, I’m alright. But it’s no thanks to her.” The archeologist slammed a new heat sink into the gun.

“Okay, well, you’ve had a rough day T’Soni, so I’ll let that slide.” Tela raised a hand and took a step back despite the threatening words.

“I _saw_ you ransack my apartment. I doubled back and watched you break in! You took that shot, didn’t you?!” Liara shouted.

Shepard exhaled noisily. “That explains all the creepy. You didn’t know where she’d gone and you needed me to find her.” She brought her shotgun up to the Specter’s face. Garrus and Tali both audibly pulled their weapons as well.

“Once she had my location, she called in the Shadow Broker’s troops to bomb the building. I’d bet she still has Sekat’s data.” Liara spat.

Vasir took another step backwards, towards the office’s wall of windows. “Good guess. Not that you’ll ever see what’s on it, you pure blooded BITCH!” 

Garrus didn’t even see what happened as the glass behind the Specter erupted, sending razor sharp pieces hurtling at them. Shepard raised her arms to protect her face but Liara was one step ahead, bringing up a biotic barrier within a split second to shield the Normandy crew. Shepard launched herself across the room at the Asari, slamming into her and wrapping arms around her middle as they both tumbled out of sight in a haze of blue. An uncharacteristic stab of unmistakable panic gripped him. Both he and Tali rushed to the window. The two Specters grappled with one another, but Tela’s biotics were vastly superior. She bent the Commander at a painful angle until she lost her grip. The azure woman planted a foot on her chest plate and pushed - Shepard plummeted with biotic enhanced speed, straight into the ground. 

“Shepard!” Tali screeched.

His mouth went dry as he watched helplessly from eight floors up. Vasir landed delicately, cushioned by her power, and swiveled back towards the N7s prone form. 

It felt as if he was trapped in slow motion, he couldn’t pull his sniper rifle up to his eye fast enough to draw a bead on the woman. Liara threw herself from the window next, landing lithely between the two Specters. Luckily, her presence caused Tela to turn and run off instead of finishing off the Commander.

“Come on Tali!” He barked over his shoulder as he dashed towards the last set of stairs he’d seen.

Garrus sprinted down as fast as his legs would carry him, cursing the blown out lifts as he descended. Tali’s steps tapped right along with him. It took a millennia to hit the bottom of the Drakon building, but once on flat ground he could fly. Tali’s steps faded as he hurtled around the side of the building into the courtyard. He vaulted a curved planter, landing right where she’d fallen.

Except,

The only things left in the yard were glass shards and dead agents.

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

Shepard groaned and shakily pushed herself up to her hands and knees. Hands and knees? When had she been laying down? Gunshots echoed around her, forcing her to her feet faster than her sudden onset of dizziness would like. She doubled over, trying to breathe in deeply even as rounds bounced off her shields. She stumbled into cover, the ground warping and undulating beneath her feet. The spinning subsided a bit, and the Commander poked her head out to see armored salarian’s and either human’s or batarian’s shooting at her. Who’d she pissed off again? She looked up from the pile of glass she’d been laying in to the broken window high above. Oh, she’d fallen from there. Damn. 

It was about halfway through gutting the last two of the hard suited agents that she finally remembered they were Shadow Broker forces. Shepard dashed through the courtyard between the business buildings, chasing the distant sounds of gunfire. She sped by five more dead recruits before finding Liara and Tela locked in a shoot out in a sky car taxi lot. She must not have been knocked out for long. The two asari weaved through the vehicles, taking potshots at each other. 

“Liara!” Shepard called. Both she and the Specter swiveled towards her. It was the split second distraction Vasir needed to throw herself over the ledge and into a waiting sky car just below. She blasted off, leaving a vapor trail through the misty rain enveloping them. 

“She’s getting away!” Liara cried and with no hesitation threw open a taxi cab door. “Shepard, do you know how to drive these?” 

She sprinted over to the vehicle as Liara folded herself into the driver's seat. The Commander pushed her legs over into the passenger seat and shoved her head up under the footwell. “Lucky for you, I do. How are you a hundred years old and you can’t fly a sky car?” She tore out a panel and pulled apart the connectors from the main module. 

“I think it says more about you that you can by-pass the autopilot on these and fly them, when I’ve gone a hundred years without needing to.” The asari sniffed.

“Okay, good point.” She tore a few of the yellow wires out and swapped pins before plugging the harness back into the module. “Bingo! Hit the ignition!”

“Which button is that?” 

Shepard sighed as she crawled out from the footwell and sat. “Just hold on to your seat. Oh, and I’m fine by-the-way, thanks for asking.” She smacked the ignition and the mass engine buzzed to life, lifting the car into the air. 

“The vertigo is nearly gone and everything.” The Commander said as the hatch closed.

 _“Nearly_?!” Liara screeched as they shot off after Tela.

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

“Shepard? Where are you?!” A flanged tone barked over coms. Uh oh. “I followed a trail of bodies and found nothing. I assume you are alive?”

“Uhhh…” She looked at Liara, who mouthed something at her. “Uhh yeah, we are somewhere near what? What the hell is elcore roast pet core?” She squinted at her friend as they sped through a line of oncoming traffic after Tela’s skycar. Horns blared.

Liara sighed loudly. “I said Asvor Post Secto - SHEPARD LOOK OUT!” The Commander jerked the handle bar and tipped them narrowly past the antenna of a building.

“I saw it, geeze, you freak out way too easily for a centenarian. Right, Asvor Post Sector - wherever that is, buuut I assume I’m just blowing through as I’m right in the middle of a daring high-speed chase.” Shepard huffed back. 

Tela’s shuttle took a nose dive through another traffic lane below them and disappeared between buildings. 

“Oh no you don’t you son-of-a-bitch!” The N7 mumbled, jamming the control bar into the console and pressing the accelerator as hard as she could. Liara let out a little scream as they whizzed between the long red trails of light of passing vehicles.

Garrus let out a frustrated noise. “Can you reboot your suit, your tracker isn’t working.”

“Little busy at the moment Big Guy, just follow the trail of wrecked sky cars and you’ll find us. I’ll boot up if I get a minute or I’ll tell you where we land. Or crash, depending on the outcome here.” She spun the bars and corkscrewed the vehicle through a narrow construction passage through the interior of a building, full of ladders and metal scaffolding. “Wait, I can’t see outta this eye very well… Liara is my eye swelling up?” She pointed at her face.

“Goddess, we are going to die! Yes, it’s swelling closed, your entire face is purple!” 

“Keelah Shepard!”

“Relax, we have two eyes for a reason. Ah HA! See, there she is - that was a perfect short AHHH!”

The coms whited out for a second and Garrus wondered, yet again, if he’d just heard her die. “Shepard, are you alright?!”

“Totally fine, she laid a proximity charge. You know, average dinner date stuff.” The taxi screamed around a corner after their target. Keeping Tela’s personal car in sight was becoming difficult as she launched mines and darted through traffic lanes trying to lose them. Or maybe it was less Tela’s driving and more nighttime rain droplets glaring through the oncoming headlights and her losing an eye. Shepard cursed.

Suddenly shots flew past the nose of their shuttle car, rocking the cockpit and jarring the two occupants. 

“She called back up!” Liara craned her head around backwards out the glass roof. Behind them were two small cruisers.

Two more rounds bounced off the shielding as Shepard tried desperately to keep Tela in sight. “No shit, what kind of weapons does this thing have?”

“It’s a taxi, it has a meter!” The archeologist bawled.

“Dammit, Shepard, we are coming for you! Tali get in!” Garrus announced over the coms.

The next few shots jarred the cab, and the shield flickered. Bright red alarms began to pop up on the viewscreen, obscuring the darkness outside the car.

“Shit, I can’t see! Hang on tight, Liara!” Shepard spun them like a top and corkscrewed around a building Tela had put between them. Rounds whizzed by the hood.

“There she is! We’re right on top of her. Can I convince you to hang out and shoot her?” The N7 glanced at her companion.

Liara’s face was white as a sheet. “Are you mad?!” 

“Okay, fine. Brace for impact!” 

“What?!” 

Shepard cranked the wheel and threw the skycar sideways. They smashed off of Vasir’s car with a jolt and a fantastic grinding of metal that reverberated through her molars. The Specter’s visage was so close as they impacted that Shepard could see the purple stripes on the asari’s head. Tela nose dived her craft again, straight into a traffic lane and muscled through oncoming vehicles in an effort to lose her pursuers. Shepard followed, just a second behind her.

“Truck! SHEPARD TRUUUCK!” Liara threw her arms up in front of her face as cars screamed past them, horns blasting.

“I know, I know!” She shouted. Vasir barely cleared the massive barge in front of them, and Shepard narrowly managed to spiral them under it, just as one of the cruisers following them fired. The bellies of both ships dragged across each other but their car slid underneath neatly, suffering merely the deafening screeching of their hulls contacting. Shepard let out a whoop when the tankard truck blasted an air horn just as a glaring explosion lit the night up behind them. One of their pursuers must not have missed the huge ship.

“Are you having fun with this?! Liara asked incredulously as the soldier laughed.

“Liara, you’ve got my memories rolling around in there, right? I grew up street racing as a kid. Of course this is fun! OH! Look, opportunity knocks! Heads up!”

Vasir’s luck ran out when she smashed headlong into an oncoming sky car in front of them. Shepard took advantage and rammed the vehicle as it spun, sending sparks and smoke twisting through the air behind it as it plummeted to a rooftop below them. 

Shepard cursed the shitty turning radius of the sky car as they doubled back around to view the Specter’s wreckage. Unfortunately for them, she lived. The asari kicked open the broken canopy of her vehicle and hobbled out of the flaming mess.

“Dammit. There she goes.” Shepard inhaled a deep breath and sighed. Her head was starting to throb. 

The roof was a landing pad for whatever business. The entire top was littered with sky cars. 

Liara pointed out the passenger window. “There! Set it down and we will go after her.”

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

“Give it up Vasir, please for the love of all things holy don’t make me run through any more rooms - I can’t handle being scarred this way anymore.” Shepard pointed all twenty-four inches of her Valkyrie rifle at the Specter.

Liara rolled her eyes. The business they’d dropped on was called Azure, a slang term for asari… parts. And Tela had forced them to give chase through nearly every god-damned room of it before they caught her out in the open at a patio restaurant. They’d fought through a whole god-damned battalion of Shadow Broker forces and saw every rich, pasty creature in the galaxy being serviced by asari maidens.

The purple striped asari lost her footing on her own blood as it pooled at her feet. She must have been hurt in the wreck. It didn’t slow her down though - she grabbed one of the servers and shoved her pistol into the human woman’s cheek. Someone screamed and the crowd in the restaurant scattered. Why was there _always_ a screamer?

Vasir positioned herself behind the woman and faced her assailants. “Tell these nice people that you’d like to live.” 

The hostage was surprisingly stoic, despite the tears on her cheeks. “Please -”

“Good god, Vasir. You think I wouldn’t shoot a hostage? It doesn’t matter what she says. Remember all the people I got killed on Torfan? How many troops I sacrificed in the Battle of the Citadel?” She cocked the gun menacingly and stepped forward. “I’ll do whatever it takes, and you know it.”

“I don’t buy your bluster. You’ve always been trumped up news stories Shepard.” Tela spat.

Liara walked around the Commander towards the restaurant, her eyes darting back and forth between the two Specters.

Shepard sneered. “You are pathetic. Hiding behind a hostage because you don’t have the stomach for a real fight. Just like an asari. Why don’t you stick to dancing on tables like the rest of your kind Vasir?” 

The Specter spat a globule of blue blood onto the ground at her feet and vehemently jabbed the barrel into the hostage’s throat. She coughed. “PLEASE! I have a son!”

“Drop your thermal clips Shepard!” Vasir hollered.

“What’s the end game here? You attacked a trade center… kill a hostage… even if you get out of this alive, your Specter status is revoked.” Shepard darted her gaze to her friend. Liara had biotically picked up a table behind Vasir. Bingo.

“Really? Kinda sounds like those were things Cerberus terrorists did, with their precious human Specter at the helm. Which story do you think they will believe?” Tela was doing a poor job of containing the bleed, blue blood seeped through the fingers clutching her abdomen. Did she not have medi-gel?

“I’m gonna kill your hostage Vasir, then I’ll show you how a _real_ Specter gets things done.” She took another step forward. 

It was just the intimidation the asari needed, she tore the gun away from the hostage, aiming at Shepard. “You’re bluffing!”

“Now, Liara!” The Commander yelled.

The table slammed into Tela’s back, launching the Specter across the landing and into one of the fountains. Shepard charged, blowing a geyser of water ten feet into the air as they collided. Nothing was visible over crackling licks of plum and cerulean biotics and droplets of spray.

It quickly became a high powered game of chase. The two Specters dashed at one another, spraying each other with a hail of bullets. Liara managed to grab Tela with a singularity but the woman just barely teleported with her powers before Shepard rammed into her at breakneck velocity. It was a surprisingly drawn out cat-and-mouse scenario considering Vasir’s blood loss. Finally she slowed, and the asari screamed as the N7 grabbed her by the shoulder and careened them both into the wall of the restaurant. Vasir’s body took the brunt of the impact and she slid into a heap on the ground, leaving a blue smear on the surface.

Shepard stood over her opponent, chest heaving, struggling to catch her breath. Her head was pounding, and with every pump of her heart her skull felt like it was trying to crack open.

Liara scrambled over, and with zero pomp, frisked the Specter until she found the data disk. She plugged it into her omni-tool and began typing. “Saleon’s data will lead us directly to the Shadow Broker.”

Tela coughed raggedly, bringing up more blood. “You are DEAD Shepard. The Shadow Broker has been in power for decades. He’s more powerful than anyone you’ve faced.”

“Oh? Is that why you double crossed the Council to work for him?” Shepard growled.

The asari’s visage darkened, her brow furrowed. “You think I betrayed the Council like Saren? Go to hell!”

“That’s my M.O. isn’t it? To put down you rogues.” 

“The Broker has given me _damn_ good intel that has saved thousands of lives and kept the Citadel safe. So if the Broker needs a few people to disappear? I’ll gladly oblige. You can wipe that smug look off your face. You don’t get to judge me, Cerberus. Do you have _any_ idea the things that they’ve done?!”

Shepard crouched to face the Specter in the eye. “I do. And I don’t care who funds me, as long as I save you ungrateful bastards. The Collectors won’t stop with human colonies, Vasir.”

“You are a fucking hypocrite!” She cringed and grasped her stomach. “It DOES matter! You wanna judge me? Look in the mirror Shepard. Kidnapping kids, biotic death camps, experimenting on your own people, an entire Alliance unit on Akuze killed! They are terrorists Shepard! And you are with them. Knowingly. Don’t you _fucking_ judge me.” Tela choked on the last few words gasping and gurgling before sagging to the side, eyes partially open.

Shepard released the breath she’d been holding. Sirens in the distance were getting closer, meaning Nos Astra’s slow as shit police force were finally figuring things out. She stared down at Vasir. The woman wasn’t wrong. She was a hypocrite - and damn well knew it. There was a gross swelling of guilt and anger in her belly. Another dead Specter. And what proof did she have for this one? She couldn’t even think, the pressure in her brain was unbearable, her thoughts were mush through a strainer. The Commander turned to the side and heaved, spilling the meager contents of her stomach. She wiped her mouth and peered groggily at Liara. 

The horror she saw there really seemed out of place… that was the last thought revolving in her head.

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

Garrus spit a string of expletives. “How many floors does this place have?!” He dashed through yet another room with three crying asari and a pissed off batarian. “And why did she have to fight in every single one of them!?” He groused, kicking a spent thermal clip to the side.

“Your complaining isn’t going to help us find them faster!” Tali pointed down a corridor. “Look, the blood trail leads this way.” 

Her voice held more mirth than he would have liked. Why was any of this funny to her? He grumbled and trailed after the Quarian. “She could have at least rebooted her suit. It doesn’t take _that_ long.”

“You know how she is. Ah, see, another dead one.” Tali prodded at the corpse of a salarian Broker agent. 

A shrill scream echoed down the hallway. Tali spun towards the noise. “That was Liara!”

The two sprinted down the passageway.

Garrus rounded the corner first, and pure chaos greeted him. Liara was trading biotic blows with multiple agents in heavy armor, and Vasir was slumped against a wall in a puddle of indigo. The terrace was swarming with agents in silver hard suits, a multitude of every species. A vanguard tore across the field at the archeologist. Well trained eyes took in minute details in milliseconds… but there was no fiery fringe, no black and red armor, no gleeful laughter or scathing taunting. 

“Shepard?” He called over coms.

Liara ducked out of a grapple. “They took her Garrus!” 

_What?!_ He didn’t have time to unpack that statement though, Liara was quickly being overrun.

“Incoming.” He growled out and unloaded two concussive rounds near the asari, blowing back the agents swarming her. Tali darted past his elbow, shotgun thundering. It took an entire clip of his disruptor ammo to take down two humans he’d laid out.

Liara shook her head vigorously as they plowed through the Broker’s forces towards her. “No, No! Go get her!” The blue woman pointed towards the end of the balcony at a group of agents crowding and kneeling around something.

The telltale sound of a shuttle approaching had his legs moving before he fully realized it. Garrus vaulted clean over two men and sprinted at the cluster of agents. 

_There._

She was there, he caught a small glimpse of orange locks between the bodies.

“Garrus, wait!” Tali wailed, her shotgun echoing through the coms. 

No. Not this time. Not on his watch. A trooper stepped in his path. He lifted his rifle and blasted down the bastard’s shields until the weapon overheated. Batarian? Or human. Didn’t really matter. Garrus popped the heat sink with one hand and stuck a glowing omni-blade through the neck seals of the man’s hard suit with the other. He gurgled and dropped to his knees. The sniper propped one boot against his chest and pushed him off the blade. 

That little sliver of red stayed in the center of his vision as he powered through Broker agents, mixing rifle with hand to hand as he closed in on his target. What happened? Why was she so limp? A Shuyak shuttle tore over the edge of the building and hovered near the ledge of the balcony.

“Get her on the ship!” a turian yelled. Four agents grabbed Shepard and made for the ship.

Tali’s drone sped past him and electrocuted a salarian and the human/batarian. Garrus caught the back of the turian’s yoke as he boarded the craft and slammed him into the ground so hard the decking splintered. He tore the man’s helmet off and stuck two fists through his mandibles in rapid succession. There was a satisfying crack of plates under his gauntlets before he turned his attention to the lone asari huntress dragging the N7 into the shuttle. Suddenly she was launched into the air with a yelp, her body glowing with biotics. He spun to see Liara had grabbed her. She let her loose over the edge, and the woman screamed all the way out of ear shot as she fell. He barely had an arm looped around Shepard before the shuttle pilot panicked and full burned away from the action. He turned his back and crouched over the Commander to let his hard suit protect them both from the thrusters. 

In his arms Shepard was blinking slowly, her iris’s bouncing back and forth. Tali dispatched the last soldier and tore over to them both.

“Keelah, they nearly got away with her.” She exhaled long and loud.

“She’s awake. I think.” Garrus pushed her fringe out of her face and called up her suit metrics, resting her body along his thigh. “Liara, what the hell happened?”

The asari took to wringing her hands. “She killed Vasir… but we were ambushed by these Broker agents. Like they’d been hiding, waiting to see who won. I can’t believe they didn’t help Vasir.” Liara looked out across the carnage and bodies. “I think they were waiting for a chance to catch Shepard off guard. Something is wrong, she bent over to retch and they drugged her.”

Shepard gurgled, trying to keep her eyes open. Her vision was swimming hazily but the silver and blue glimpses looked familiar, and the oscillations of sub-vocals moved through her body. She braced her hands against him and shoved, rolling herself out of his lap. 

“Shepard -” He rumbled.

She rolled over and brought up the contents of her stomach again. 

“What is wrong with her?” Liara crouched, resting a palm on the Commander’s back.

“Who knows what those Bosh’tets injected her with.” Tali sheathed her shotgun.

“If she was sick before they got her, it’s probably a concussion. Like she had after Virmire. “He stood. “And with the way she hit the ground back there I’m not surprised. I told her to put that helmet on…” His sub-vocals rippled in agitation.

Tali hummed. “You’re right. That's the only other time I’ve seen her sick.”

Shepard coughed and sat back on her legs. “I can hear you, you realize that right? You don’t have to talk about me like I’m not here.”

“Are you alright?” Liara asked.

“I think so. My hands and feet are tingling… hopefully that will wear off as my Cerberus liver scrubs the Broker’s bullshit from my body.” The Commander slowly stood, wobbling dangerously.

Garrus grabbed her elbow to steady her. “If you didn’t have this new obsession with killing yourself, this wouldn’t be happening.”

She motioned to Tela. “Looks like I’m not the dead one, so that pokes some holes in your theory.” Shepard propped her palms on her knees as the ground undulated under her feet. Erratic, pulsing noise thrummed from his chest. “Get over it Garrus. I’m fine.” She snapped testily and shook his hand from her arm.

Liara raised her brow. “Can you hear his sub-vocals, Shepard?” 

Tali looked up at the turian. 

His noises ramped up a notch. “That is hardly what’s important here! It is absolutely NOT _fine_ to take off after one of the galaxy's most powerful being’s personal army _alone_ Shepard!”

“I wasn’t alone, I’ve got Liara.”

“Dammit, Shepard, why are you willfully ignoring the fact that I just dragged your immobile body out of a Broker shuttle myself?!” He angrily jerked a thumb over his shoulder where the vehicle had been. “If we’d been even a minute later, you'd be on your way to being sold to the Collectors-”

A Nos Astra police cruiser blasted past them and hung a u-turn, sirens blaring. The noise drowned out whatever else he was about to say. It was followed shortly by five more police vehicles.

“Hands up!” An asari yelled from the open side door of a craft, brandishing a large rifle.

Shepard exhaled loudly but complied. “Great.” 


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy late N7 day ya'll! If you want to know what all I've been listening to while writing our fav couple, the playlist is here: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4z2yGLVlUMHHi2GdXGTa92?si=BoISKe68QNiBAKfT_9TpfA

The ride back to the Normandy was agonizing. Garrus had been more pissy than she’d ever seen him the whole time they were dealing with the cops at the precinct. There was a sinking feeling in her gut that the two of them had been binary stars, spinning closer for months - the collision was nigh. And in this case it would be a lot less pretty, but just as volatile. His petulant bullshit on top of being detained for hours with the police had rubbed her every nerve raw. She played nice though, when she should have called Specter authority and left. Considering the Council’s next move after hearing about Tela would be a complete wildcard in the rest of this journey, it was best to keep things as civil as possible. Shepard’s skin was crawling, and standing still was proving difficult. Garrus must have felt similar, his sub-vocals were all over the place and even his bad mandible was working inside the bandage. Tali and Liara kept smartly to themselves. If they could all get off the shuttle in one piece it’d be fine, the punching bag wouldn’t be far. The familiar sounds of the engine ramping down as they parked in the cargo bay made her bounce on the balls of her feet. 

But if only he hadn’t opened his maw. His stupid gaping maw. She had nearly been out of earshot of the damned shuttle, too. She stopped mid stride and closed her eyes, willing herself to find the last vestiges of patience buried deep inside her gut. Where was it? The footfalls of both Tali and Liara had paused. She spun and thundered back to him. Did she just charge with her biotics? Impossible to tell. 

“You wanna run that by me again, Vakarian?” She stood as tall as she could, glaring daggers into the much higher face. 

“I said, you don’t even want to be here. Face it, Shepard. You can lie to yourself all you want, but you damn sure won’t to me. You wish they’d left you dead. You don’t give a single fuck about us or the Collectors. Your actions have made that very clear.” He snapped vehemently and stepped forward, covering her in his shadow. Liara’s quiet gasp was audible in the dead silence of the bay. Garrus noted Zaeed and Grunt halting their drills, the crewmen milling about, and Krios came over from the mats to stand behind her - a mirror of their fight in the mess. He knew it was coming. The twitch of her leg betrayed her, but he still wasn’t fast enough. Shepard grabbed his collar and crashed an armored limb through his own - toppling him to the ground. 

Garrus didn’t even hit the floor before launching himself into a crouch with a feral growl. Behind her, Thane made a show of moving to her side. “Get the fuck out, Krios. Nothing here is of your concern.” 

The assassin opened his mouth to retort.

“Tali,” the Commander barked. “Clear the cargo bay for me please.” She started searching for seals and releasing pieces of armor off of her.

Liara stepped in between them. “Shepard, ple-”

“Tali!” The N7 motioned at the asari. 

“Yes… Shepard.” The quarian hesitated for a split second. “Okay, everyone out, you heard her.” Tali put a hand on Liara’s shoulder, guiding her out from between them before turning to herd crewmen to the lift. Surprisingly, Krios didn’t protest, he just swiveled to regard them once before stepping into the elevator.

Garrus took the cue and began dropping armor pieces to the ground. Shepard moved over to the mats and peeled off her sweaty under layer. By the time she’d kicked the last leg off, he was already pacing at the edge of the mats sans the top of his own under suit.

Despite her anger, the thought that she’d never seen any turian’s body plates before, pushed to the forefront of her mind as he moved. She didn’t realize that their colony markings descended past their faces. He had similar blue slashes across his chest plates and bicep plates. Her under suit had the one zipper, his had straps. The top part looked like it had been buckled to the bottom portion. His pants ended in stirrups between the talons of his feet and had cut outs for the jutting spurs on his hips and calves. Without the armor it was glaringly obvious how built for speed turians were - and he had bulked up considerably since the last time she’d seen him in fatigues in the med bay. Well, that’s okay. So had she. Shepard dropped into a ready stance. Garrus realized he had his visor on still. He unclipped it and set it on his discarded clothing before moving up to mirror her.

“Alright Vakarian, you’ve obviously got a bone to pick. So pick it!” She lunged at him, but he spun to the side and hooked his leg spur under her knee. She hit the mat hard, chin first. Shepard somersaulted back up before he pinned her.

He couldn’t help gloating a bit. “Remember, I said top rated hand to hand in my unit, Shepard.”

“Yeah yeah, out of everyone on this ship we are the only pair who went through military training focused on killing one another thanks to the First Contact War. So I wouldn’t get too smug.” She lunged again, but expected his spin this time - she used a hip spur to jump up his form and yank him off balance by his collared carapace. He flipped over her bent back, landing in a heap. Garrus stared up at her with a growl for a split second before scrambling up. That had made her point nicely.

“Why is it that sometimes we are back together, a perfect team, and other times you are dashing out of my range and straight into a situation you might not come back from Shepard?” His tone started off combative but ended much quieter. Imploring. He tried to grab her, but she danced away. “Do you realize how infuriating you are?” He swiped again, his gloved claws contacted her ribs. “I can’t tell if you think you are invincible now, or,” He ducked her fists. “Or, if you think this is some Armax combat sim you are going to wake up from.” 

Her eyes widened. Shit. That actually made some sense. Was that it? The truth of that statement burned through her body. He caught her as she hesitated, picked her up by the waist and threw her to the mats. He followed for the pin, one knee in her spine and a wrist held down in each hand. “I realize the biotics are new, and I’ve given you the benefit of the doubt… but… too many times now I’ve seen you try to get yourself killed.”

She struggled to pull out of the hold for a minute, then turned her head to the side, breathing hard. “That’s some accusation from someone who would, up until recently, rather spend his time unconscious in the battery than helping me out on a mission. If you dislike what I’m doing so much, why haven’t you left!” She spat heatedly. Shepard raised off the floor and head butted him right in the jaw. He hissed and jerked back enough for her to wriggle out from under his mass. Once again they circled one another.

He bit back angrily, “I already admitted I fucked up. My guilt has gotten the better of me my entire life… but even for me, that was a new low. I let you down, and I’m sorry. But if I’d wanted to leave, I would have left by now.” The constant thrumming his vocals had had up to that point changed pitch. and his brow plates raised a fraction. “Shepard, please.”

She backed up a few steps. This change in tactic was dangerous.

“Please talk to me. You are the only friend I’ve got left in this whole damn galaxy. You’ve helped me so much, with C-Sec, with Saleon, with Specterdom… with… Omega. Let me help you too.” He finished in a murmur.

The miserable tone of his voice and pleading kindness of his words tugged at the twisted, gross knot of unflattering emotions deep in her chest. Absolutely not something she wanted to get into again. It had been bad enough to release it on Thane, and he was a relative stranger to the situation. Releasing it on Garrus? Way worse. 

He grabbed her forearm as she was trying to step back. “Shepard.” 

“I think they made me with Reaper tech.” She clapped a hand over her own traitorous mouth. What the holy hell with this word vomit?! Just because he touched her!

His eyes widened. “How can you know that? Did Miranda fess up?”

“No. She would never, even if she knew. It’s just a gut feeling. We know that salvage from Sovereign went missing… and it’s just...right up their alley.” He needed to know this anyway, she told herself. He’d experienced what Saren had become first hand, so he could be mentally prepared. The knot in her chest loosened a fraction.

“Garrus. I needed someone to know. Someone who saw… look. We already saw they can hack me, David Archer proved that. Best-case scenario, they can take me over at any point. Worst-case scenario…”

“You think you are going to become Saren?” He whispered it in disbelief.

“It’s not that much of a stretch. Considering all the evil shit Cerberus has done, and factor in the fact I’ve already killed a fellow Specter now…”

“Shepard. That was different. Saren murdered Nihlus in cold blood.”

She shrugged. “Not different enough.” 

Garrus decided that whatever tone that was, he didn’t appreciate it. Flippant. Defeated? They spent all of their time on an unstable precipice. That was the nature of being a soldier. But for the first time, it seemed like she was looking over like she _wanted_ to jump.

Shepard looked up at him with enormous eyes. “I meet him in the mirror, Garrus. I visit him every time I close my eyes. And the only thing I can think is - if I even suspect that will be my fate, why haven't I put a bullet in my brain before they can use me against everyone? Even standing here now, I’m being selfish.” She laughed with no mirth. “Live long enough to see yourself become the villain.” The Commander angrily wiped a tear that dared escape the corner of her eye. Her sniper captured her raised fist and brought it up to his mouth. A cobalt tongue snaked out and licked the teardrop from her knuckle. The action sent a wave a tightness through her chest and into her stomach. Suddenly, breathing was something she had to command herself to do in the silence that followed. Neither of them moved. 

He stepped forward into her space and bent his head to hers, both taloned hands cradling her cheeks. “Shepard. You aren’t alone. Let me worry about that. I wouldn’t ever let that become your fate. Cerberus and the Reapers might have planned anything for you, sure, but I bet none of those plans included me as a factor,” he rumbled. His stare was piercing, their noses touching. 

“Garrus, do you understand what you are saying? You would have to kill me,” she spoke shakily.

He nodded. “I said I’d walk into hell. I’ll always be here for you. No Shepard without Vakarian, right?”

Her lips pulled up. “I couldn’t do this without you, Garrus.”

“Sure you could, but not as stylishly of course.”

Shepard tipped her head forward and touched warm lips to the side of his jaw and draped her arms around his neck. His rumbling stuttered in response, dying out and coming back quieter and deeper.

Soft fingers slid past the exposed hide inside his cowl, and the expression on her face as she pulled back from him sucked all the air from the room for too many moments. Today was a day of firsts. He’d never seen that look on her face before. Just those small actions set a fire in his gut instantly. It burned so hot and fast it was alarming until it hit him - he had no idea what to do with a human. It had never even crossed his mind before Shepard. Humans had a fascination with mouthing things. That was about the only thing he remembered observing in C-Sec. But with his stiff mouth plates, that was out. He leaned into her again, and she tilted her head back to present a horribly inviting curve of neck to him. Spirits. Did she realize what baring your neck meant to a turian? Doubtful. 

His mandible fluttered anxiously, and he moved slowly, but he buried his face into the crook of her collar. He inhaled like he had what was ages ago now - both of them drunk outside of Dark Star. A tongue tip snaked along her clavicle and up to the shell of her ear, and all rational thought leaked away.

“Garrus,” she whispered.

Spirits, the way she gasped his name… he couldn’t control the wavering of his sub-vocals in response. The fire flared, whipped by that unspoken, desperate plea. He knew nothing of their compatibility, but his body responded, nonetheless. Plates contracted uncomfortably in his tight under suit. Garrus tore the gloves from his hands, weaved one into the fine strands of her fringe, and wrapped the other around the slender waist that had so distracted him. So many new feelings all at once. Was all human hair and skin so silky and smooth? He’d never accurately imagined how delicate this translucent skin would feel. Cold trepidation washed over him. The damage a plated, taloned creature would do to an exposed human wasn’t lost on him. Suddenly Shepard’s jokes about the first contact meetings made even more sense. They must have been quite scary to these small, soft creatures. His finger and talon tips dimpled the surface as he moved along her midriff and up her back. Here, firm muscles played just under the pads of his fingers. 

“Garrus, I’m not made of glass.” In an impressive show of flexibility, she grabbed the hand at her spine and pressed his fingers into her flesh. She’d known what he was thinking. He fisted the hand in her fringe and gently pulled her head back, opening up more skin to his ministrations. She flinched slightly when his teeth tips dragged along her neck, but the needy noise she made in response tore through his conscious. 

“Shepard, I don’t know what to do here,” he panted into her shoulder. She’d been inching soft, many fingered hands around his plates and across the exposed hide of his neck and cowl. The heady smell of her had taken on a muskier scent… arousal?

“Just do the things you're good at - careful exploration and an annoying amount of attention to the smallest of details. Do I ever leave you with no guidance?” She smirked. 

“No. Not unless you are unconscious.” He bent his head to hers again with a smirk.

“Why does that seem like a threat?”

He chuckled, the sound drove a pleasure stake straight through her. “I would never. It’s just an observation. We’ve been through a lot together.”

“Mmm yeah too true.” Motion caught her eye, causing Shepard to glance up. There was Jack in the upper cargo bay windows - making lewd gestures with way too big of a grin on her face. “I hate to cut… whatever this is short here but, we’ve got an audience Big Guy.” 

Garrus straightened and turned. “Spirits. Does she have nothing better to do?” His sub vocals died out. “This is the first time in my entire life I wish I had five fingers,” he sighed.

“Give me your hand,” she grabbed it, pushed in his thumb and pinky, and held the remaining lone digit up at Jack. The biotic doubled over and grabbed her stomach. “Mmm yeah, it just doesn’t have the same impact without a good middle finger,” Shepard struggled to say around her laugh.

“Commander Shepard? You might need to check on Grunt. He came up to the mess and… um… seemed a bit disturbed. He’s on his way back to port cargo now.” Kelly Chamber’s harried voice broke over the com.

Shepard groaned and extracted her arm from the turian’s cowl. “Sorry Garrus, my child needs me.” Garrus’s snort echoed through the shuttle bay. 

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

Jack had disappeared from the hallway by the time she got up there. Hmph. Smart girl didn't want a beating. Shepard strode into the port cargo room, where her Krogan was pacing furiously. 

“Grunt, buddy, what is going on with you?” She stopped him with a hand on his shoulder.

“Something... is wrong, Shepard. I feel wrong. Tense. I want to kill something. With my hands.” He stormed over to the window overlooking the bay. His tone dropped lower. “More than usual, like it’s not my choice. I just want to…” He slammed his head into the glass, spidering it. 

“Jesus! Grunt, please don’t put holes in my ship!” 

“Do you see?! Why did I do that?! What is wrong?” He growled out in frustration.

Shepard sighed. “I don’t know.”

“I want control of this. When we are moving, fighting, I can focus. But here, my blood screams, my plates itch, and even you are just… noise.” He began pacing again, in great long strides.

She considered him for a moment. “You’re right, this doesn't seem normal. Wrex was always calm outside battle, spent most of his time making fun of all of us or dead asleep. Hmm. He was 500 years old though, maybe it's something he just learned to control.” She spoke more to herself than to him, one finger on her chin. “I’ll go speak with Mordin, see if he’s got anything to help you chill out. If he doesn’t have anything, Wrex will. He’s on Tuchanka, I’m sure he will help.”

“I won't ask you to go there, Shepard. If he can control it, so can I. I will learn.”

“Buddy, I don't doubt your learning abilities at all, you’ve picked up on every bit of training I’ve given you in record time. But on the off chance its something unusual I expect it’s best we go see him.” her lips stretched into a grin. “Besides, what better reason to go see an old friend than to show him my progeny is stronger than his?”

Grunt let loose a deep laugh. “I am better progeny than any Krogan has had!”

“Here here!”

He bent his wide face down to her. “Thank you, Shepard. I don’t like this. Fury is my choice. Not a sickness.”

She nodded. “We’ll figure it out.”

The door behind her whirred open. 

“Shepard!” 

She turned to see Chakwas standing with her arms folded and her brows drawn down tightly, causing a very familiar wrinkle in her forehead. “Why must I find out you are concussed through one Tali’ Zorah?! Don’t make me pull rank, Commander.” The doctor barked.

“Busted.” The soldier sighed.

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

The door to the med bay opened in its quiet way to reveal anything but quiet. A raucous peel of laughter echoed out into the mess hall. Garrus set down the datapad he was holding as a string of curses followed the mirth. Through the windows he saw Shepard’s head thrown back as she laughed. Jack was sitting on the other end of the Commander’s cot looking displeased, while Legion stood next to her and Kasumi had one leg slung across the adjacent cot. Ah… it looked like the N7 was teaching the geth how to play cards with them. Dr. Chakwas strode up to the small party.

“Commander, I said bed rest!” Her accented voice filtered out to where he sat before the door cycled closed behind her.

Garrus sighed and leaned back in his chair. Light footfalls dragged his attention to the kitchen. There Liara stood, digging through a cabinet. 

She glanced at him. “Whoever keeps Shepard stocked with teas has great taste. Some of these are from Thessia.”

He snorted. “She wouldn’t agree with you. Anytime Chakwas or Solus suggest tea to her, she does the eye thing.”

“The eye thing?” The archeologist dispensed steaming water into a mug and strode through the tables to slide into a seat across from him.

“Yeah, where she rolls them. But I catch her out here with tea from the purple tin, late at night.”

Liara stirred her drink. “Ah, yes. That is supposed to help with sleep.” She turned to regard Shepard through the med bay’s glass. “One glance at her face tells me it isn’t working though.”

He pulled his mandible in tightly and propped an ankle on his knee. Discussing the CO’s private life…not his forte. Garrus picked up the datapad again to scroll through his calculations.

Crewmen milled about the mess, walking back and forth from the bathrooms to the crew quarters. At one point Krios came out and spent some time at the counters. 

Liara fixed him with her gaze as the assassin disappeared to life support. “There is a drell onboard… I assume that was the Thane Krios she was looking for?” 

The sniper nodded and continued scrolling through his pad. 

She sighed. “There’s a lot of activity for this time in the night cycle. Quite different from the SR1.”

Finally he looked up. “They are checking on her.”

“What?”

“Shepard. She doesn’t run the Cerberus crew anywhere near as tightly as she did the Alliance crew.” He shot a look towards the direction Krios had left. “And she certainly isn’t following Alliance regs.” He cleared his throat before looking back at her. “Anytime she is in the med bay, the crew worries, so they come out here to use the kitchens as an excuse to check on her.”

That had been a telling glance. Liara set her mug down. “Is that not what you are doing right now?” 

The glare he shifted to her said everything he didn’t. 

Her lips pulled up. Garrus’s obvious reluctance in discussing their Commander pulled the two into a semi comfortable silence. 

Liara turned to watch Shepard through the infirmary windows. “You were right in the cargo bay. That mission wasn’t the Shepard I know - and considering how upset she was when she found out it was me that gave her to Cerberus…” She sighed heavily. “Did I make the wrong decision?” Her back was to him as she spoke, so he didn’t see her face - but there was a waiver to her normally serene voice. 

He set the datapad on the table. “I would have done the same thing you did.”

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

“Wait, wait, slow down, Tali. Say that again?” Shepard steadied her friend with hands at her elbows. Chakwas shot them both a look from over her console, eyes narrowed.

“The Admiralty board has accused me of treason!” The quarian’s eyes were wide behind her mask.

“Shit…” Shepard murmured. “It’s Cerberus. I never should have dragged you with me Tali, I’m so sorry.”

The engineer shook her helmeted head. “I don’t believe so… I got leave to serve on the Normandy. I was clear that I was working for _you,_ not for Cerberus.” She hung her head. “But I don’t know what else it could be. They didn’t say anything, so I’ve no idea what they are accusing me of… I’d remember if I’d betrayed the fleet!” They looked at each other. “I’m scared, Shepard.” Tali whispered.

The Commander put her palms on her friend’s shoulders. “Tali, anyone who knows you knows you would never betray your people. There’s no way charges would stick.”

“I appreciate your faith in me... but I’m not so sure. The Admiralty board does not weigh charges lightly. Only when there is no doubt.” She dropped her helmet into a hand.

“What happens next?”

“There will be a hearing, with Admiralty members acting as judges. My Father is an Admiral… he must recuse himself from the proceedings.” She paused. “Oh… what is he thinking right now??”

“And if they convict?”

“Exile. I’ll never be able to go home.” Tali’s misery seeped through her every word.

“How much time do we have to get you to the Flotilla?” Shepard stood off the infirmary cot.

“They will give me time to return. Not an indefinite amount but…”

“I get it. Give Joker the fleet coordinates and we will get there as soon as we stomp everything the Broker owns into paste on Hagalaz.”

Tali nodded, her eyes downcast. 

The Commander pulled her in, wrapping arms around the smaller woman. “Don’t worry, I won’t just stand by and let them do that to you, Tali. I’m on your side.” She murmured.

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

Shepard whooped, raising her shotgun above her head with both hands. “Do it again, Liara!”

She did as the Commander asked. A salarian and krogan raised into the air in a blue haze. The N7 let out a gleeful battle-cry and tore into them in a streak of biotics, sending them into the turbulent air around the shielding of the massive ship whose hull they were traversing. 

They both spun out of sight as fast as he blinked. Garrus’s stomach twisted. Any one of their little team could careen off into the violent electrical storm around them. Just like that. “Shepard, that might have just as easily been _you_ flying away.” He called.

She paused for a moment to glance at him. “This is the most fun I can ever remember having, don’t be a killjoy Garrus!” She turned and kicked a man into the capacitor behind her. He screamed loud enough to be heard over her helmet mic, despite the howling winds, as he convulsed. It was only seconds before he dropped to the ground, a charred hard suit husk. “This is going on our fun to fight through list. ‘Secret-ship-hurtling-through-constant-electrical-storm-above-the-most-hostile-planetary-weather-I’ve-ever-heard-of’. I’d even put it above antique stores.”

“You’ve gone too far now, Shepard.” He retorted dryly.

“Liara, is that gizmo even working?” The Commander motioned to the door the info broker had installed a complicated crack tool on.

“I’ve never broken into the Shadow Broker's base before, I don’t know Shepard,” Liara huffed.

“I should have brought Legion,” she grumbled into her open mic.

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

He hated to think it, but he was wearing out. Garrus cursed in his native tongue between heavy breaths as Shepard pressed her face up against the glass of the control room. They’d taken out a Spirits damned private army, and they hadn’t even found the Broker yet. And the agents weren’t scared of hull breeches, judging by the rockets that had been fired at their little team. Liara’s capability of containing the explosions with her biotics had saved them more times than he cared to admit. 

“Liara, he’s here!” Shepard’s hushed voice washed over them.

The awe she spoke with drove him over to the windows to join both women. Behind the glass was another Drell, about the same height as Krios but emaciated - his scales were chipped and many missing. He was strapped into a huge… contraption - obviously being used to torture him.

“Feron!” Liara gasped and went to work hacking the control room console.

“My god, he’s.... Iridescent.” The Commander mumbled.

Garrus tapped the side of his helmet. “I think my translator just glitched.”

“No, it's a description of his color. See how many colors his scales are? He’s beautiful. Earth storms will create colors in the sky like that.”

“Mm. When I claim my well earned shore leave, maybe I should take it on Earth.” He hummed, turning his visor towards her.

“Do it. I recommend somewhere in mid-west North America, in the mountains. A cabin in the deep woods near a lake.”

“I can’t figure out how to disable his restraints, or cut the power to the chair he is in.” Liara wailed.

Shepard pulled her face and hands from the window. “And I can’t risk bringing in Mordin or Chakwas the way we just came. We’ve got to end this and get him the help he needs. Now. Come on.” She ejected a heat sink on her shotgun and strode back out into the hall.

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

He’d received one of the best educations the universe afforded. And yet, here he stood, absolutely baffled.

What the fuck _is_ this thing?

He and Shepard had fought over and through every damned monster in the galaxy, including some that had never been seen before - like a sentient ancient… tree… thing that sent acidic goo filled victims shambling after them. 

And yet again, here they were facing down the unknown. The unknown was a massive… creature, with many eyes and a razor toothed tri-split maw and two large spiraled horns coming off its cranium. It was hunkered over a desk as they came into the communication hub, and even sitting, its form towered over the three teammates. Titanic muscles on its chest and arms rippled as it tensed upon seeing them. Shepard must have been equally shocked - her usual witty commentary was replaced with a quiet intake of air. It was so cold in the room his suit heater whirred on with a low hum as they faced off with the beast. Icy fog spilled from the vents. This must have been the server room for his mammoth communication network.

It spoke. “Here for the drell? Reckless. Even for you, Commander.” It glanced between the three of them, its eyes blinking separately before all orbs came to rest on Shepard. It’s husky, booming voice rumbled across the hub, many vocal cords in tandem. 

If its size intimidated her, her speech didn’t waver at all. “Ha, with how you’ve been watching me, I doubt you believe that. Vasir made the mistake of underestimating me.”

“Vasir was expendable. All her death has cost me is time. Specters are easily swayed.” His breath hung visibly in the chilled air.

“Expendable like Feron?” Liara spat.

The being dragged its gaze to the asari. “T’soni. Your interference has become annoying. Feron’s betrayal was not unseen, but it did cost me a handsome prize.” It’s vision fixed on the Commander again. “Though, the Collectors were not the only ones willing to pay. Pax Sindoni still holds quite a grudge. Tell me Shepard, was it you that gave him that scar?”

The N7s hands tightened on her shotgun grip.

He grunted. Perhaps that was a laugh? “If he’d had more coin, I would have left your body with him to desecrate however he pleased.”

She stayed surprisingly silent. The cocking of her gun was the only response. 

It turned back to Liara. “Feron is paying the price for his treachery. However the Normandy’s Reaper IFF will allow me access to the Collector base. I might consider his debt repaid for bringing you here.”

Garrus took a step forward. “Thats a lofty threat. Hard to take our ship, kill the Collectors and run this base with no crew.”

It turned its great head. “They are easily replaceable. Your arrival is barely an interruption, Archangel.”

The sniper balked.

The edges of its maw twitched. A grotesque smile. “Your bounty is still unclaimed. I stand to make a lot of money today.”

“Over my dead body you piece of shit.” Shepard stepped between him and the beast. 

It stood, dwarfing them completely. Spirits. It must have been over three meters tall. “That’s been my plan for years, Commander. I know your every secret, while you fumble in the dark.”

Liara raised her voice over him. “You are confident for someone with nowhere left to run. I know what you are. You’re a Yahg. A pre-spaceflight species quarantined to its homeworld for massacring all three of the Council's first contact emissary teams.” Its many obsidian eyes glinted in the room's darkness. “This base is older than your planet’s discovery, which means you killed the original Broker sixty cycles ago and took over. I'm guessing you were taken from your world as someone’s trophy. Or a pet. How am I doing?”

Something in the room changed. Perhaps the beast twitched a muscle. Garrus wasn’t even sure what it was, but he grabbed Shepard’s arms and threw her away from him with all the force he could muster. The smooth mirrored surface of the desk was the last thing he saw.

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

“Garrus!” Shepard cried. 

He wasn’t moving, laying face down in the wreckage of the desk the Broker had just lobbed at her. From this angle she couldn’t see his head, he was sprawled with his limbs lax. Her stomach clenched. She darted towards him but a meaty fist sent her skidding across the floor as Liara shouted. Shepard tried to glimpse her sniper’s face even as she jumped back up, dodging more blows from the Broker. 

“You son-of-a-bitch!” She grabbed his wrist as he lunged and spun him away with her biotics. His weight was immense, the force of her momentum and powers barely threw him five feet. The Broker trained an assault rifle on her and ripped an entire clip into her shields before she took cover behind a piece of the desk. Liara bathed the creature in a blast of energy that tore the weapon out of his hand as Shepard knelt next to Garrus and pulled his suit metrics up. Alive. Thank god. He was facing away from her but pieces of his helmet were scattered around where he lay. 

“Shepard! He has a personal kinetic barrier!” The asari yelled.

She poked her head up over her cover to see he had activated a shimmering field of energy around his form. Shit. A kinetic barrier was a very expensive way to play dirty. She sheathed her shotgun and placed a foot on the tipped table. One last glance at Garrus and she launched herself across the room in a blaze of blue, crashing into the Broker. 

“Then we just do this the hard way Liara!” She grabbed a horn before her momentum threw her back from him and spun around his form to land two sickening cracks of her right fist into the many eyes above his mouth. The creature bellowed and grabbed the back of her armor. He launched her into the floor with such power that even with her helmet her head bounced painfully, kicking up a spattering of stars in her vision and cracking the visor. Shit.

“Shepard!” Liara darted around the Broker’s form dragging his huge taloned feet out from under him. He crashed down so hard the floor shook. 

He rolled to his feet quickly though and flicked his omni-tool up. It expanded into a wide orange shield. Double shit.

Shepard wobbled to standing and charged him again, but he held the omni-shield between them. She scrabbled uselessly against its smooth surface, failing to reach around it with her blade. 

He charged. The shield's surface area was too big to dodge, and he crushed her against one of the pillars holding up the ceiling. Shepard choked out a pained wail as they impacted. As he hunched over her smaller form, she was able to drag in ragged breaths and reach over the shield to stab him in the bicep with her blade. Black blood ran from the wound and he wrenched away from her, covering his arm. It was just the moment of hesitation she needed. His injured arm couldn’t raise the shield high enough - she was airborne over him before either of them blinked.

Liara snagged him with her biotics, rooting his feet in place as Shepard came down with a desperate cry. Two bodies crashed into each other, the force of her charge pressing him into the metal plates below, sending them cratering out around him. His knees buckled and her knife plunged into the soft folds of his neck. Shepard tore her blade back out of him, launching a spray of arterial blood into the air. The Yahg threw her off and shrieked, the noise thundering off the surrounding walls, and clamped a palm down over the wound. He pulled himself across the floor gurgling and gasping. Shepard’s armor clattered as she landed and laid, heaving in ragged breaths. The Broker dragged himself upright and stood despite the blood oozing from the hand around his neck. His kinetic armor was no longer outlining his form, likely overloaded from their collision. 

“Shepard!” He choked out.

“Yeah, yeah. Just fucking die already.” She pushed to her feet, lingering for a moment with her hands on her knees.

Liara stood at the ready, her fists glowing with energy. For a second they all looked at one another. Shepard’s gaze darted between her foe and her friend still lying on the ground. The beast staggered a step towards her, a gargling growl sounding before he ripped his hand from his wound and frenzied steps carried his massive weight straight at her. It clawed desperately at her, soaking them both in hot blood. The asari managed to snatch his sagging body from falling on top of the Commander. He laid gasping and writhing for far too long, looking at her. Many eyes burning with hatred. 

Shepard plunged her blade through his massive head, finally stilling him. 

“Joker?” 

“Here Commander.”

“Get Karin and Mordin here as fast as you can.” She and Liara locked eyes as she lurched back over to Garrus’s still form. 

“ASAP Commander.”

Shepard turned on her helmet light and knelt over him. Spidered cracks ran across his visor and a small puddle of cobalt blood dredged up crystal clear memories of Omega. She hovered hands over him, afraid to touch or move him for fear of doing him more harm.

“How are his vitals?” Liara’s voice was a whisper. 

The soldier nodded. “He’s stable. Go see what you can do for Feron.”

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

Something stirred. Shepard raised her head, blinking groggily. When had she fallen asleep? Garrus’s vital monitor beeped in the med bay's stillness, the room lit only by night cycle floor lights. She’d been slumped forward awkwardly on the sniper’s cot. The soldier rubbed two fingers into her temple, groaning under her breath. The headache was still there. She needed to remember not to get cold cocked so soon after a concussion. Chakwas and Professor Solus were both gone, but there was a ruffling of sheets. 

“Commander Shepard?” a dual toned voice murmured.

She started. Not Thane, she had to remind herself, but remarkably similar. A different tone with less gravel. “Feron?”

“Goddess… it is you. Cerberus really did it.” 

She turned to face him. Even in the low lighting his scales glinted as his chest rose and fell. 

“I can’t believe it,” he whispered. “You were…” He hesitated.

“Just meat the last time you saw me?”

He cringed. “Well… yes. Liara was right. Are you… a clone?”

“I don’t know. I don’t think so, I feel like me anyway. Mostly. I hear I have you to thank that I’m not just some mud in a test tube on the Collector homeworld though.”

His eyes darted over her. “Perhaps. I might argue that was more Liara than me… but she made me a believer. The way she looked at you. Her sorrow and awe. When the moment came, I couldn’t betray her and give your body to the Broker. Not if there was even a chance that you were the hero she believes you are.”

A roiling wave of guilt broke over her insides, flooding every crevice. Shepard turned back to Garrus’s monitor. “I don’t like that word.”

“Hero?”

“Please don’t. I’m just a being in a big galaxy, same as anyone else.” She fixed him with a weary gaze. “And heroes don’t die and get resurrected as puppets for a terrorist organization, Feron.”

Silence fell over them. Garrus’s steady breathing calmed her emotions increment by increment in the darkness. 

“You rescued me.”

It seemed more of a statement than a question. She swiveled. “We both have a lot to say to Liara. If it weren’t for her, I’d have left you to rot.”

He bobbed his head. “We are more alike than I imagined then.”

Garrus let out a long groan that cut off the drell’s next sentence. “Shepard?”

She shot to her feet and pushed his keel down as he tried to sit up. “No Big Guy, stay laying down. Chakwas still has you mending a fore plate.”

He hissed in pain and rolled his shoulders. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah, I’m not the person who ate a desk for dinner. Didn’t you already learn that lesson?” She patted his shoulder.

Garrus chuckled weakly, back to a single tone again. “It seemed better than the recently concussed taking a blow to the head.”

“There’s a lot I want to say to that but all of it makes me a huge hypocrite. So I’ll just say thank you and try to stick within range of the Mantis. So you don’t need to prove your point anymore. I get it.” She sighed and sat down in her chair.

“Oh? Really? Pinky swear?” He held up a finger.

“Who the hell taught you that?” She pushed his hand away. 

“Alenko.” His mandible pulled back. “Well, Alenko and Joker.”

“You should know better than to repeat anything that comes out of Joker’s mouth.” She gave him an admonishing look. “You don’t even _have_ a pinky.”

“Oh, my head, please I really don’t want to keep suffering objects to the plates to keep your habits in check.” He moaned mockingly.

“Jesus Christ give me your damn hand.”

His smile was wide as they clasped fingers. The med bay door cycled open, admitting a tired looking Liara into their presence.

“Feron, you’re awake!” She walked to his bed and tapped through the vitals monitor.

“I’m alright Liara.” 

She gave him a skeptical eye and pulled a chair up next to his cot. An awkward silence descended the room as Liara and Feron did a bang-up job not wanting to look at each other in the low light. 

Damn. Shepard could flee but Garrus would be trapped in whatever clumsy lovey-dovey reunion seemed likely to happen here. 

She opted for distraction. “Did you get everything settled over at the station?”

Liara sighed. “Yes. The channels were alive with operatives, and I wasn’t sure where to start. There was no encryption, no biometrics installed. I don’t believe the Broker ever thought someone would get as far as we did.”

Feron inhaled loudly. “You killed him… you actually did it.”

Shepard grinned. “Sure as hell did. Beat him in bare fisticuffs. Well, then he pulled out a shield - so I opted for blade.” She yanked her thumb across her neck.

Garrus groaned. “Please do not tell me you went head to head in melee with a three meter tall muscled beast.”

“I did and I won. Liara helped! Besides what else are you supposed to do when someone has a personal kinetic shield?” 

“I don’t know, turn and run maybe?”

“With you laying on the ground?” She scowled at him.

Garrus sighed and closed his eyes, rubbing fingertips across his fore plates.

Shepard turned back to Liara. “So if he didn’t have any security… what does that mean? Am I looking at the new Shadow Broker?”

The asari tipped her head down to regard her hands. “I… maybe so. I need time to figure out how many things he had his tentacles in but I sent out a message to all agents that there was a power outage while installing a hardware upgrade. And everyone who ever saw him, is now dead. I think it will work.”

Feron blinked large obsidian eyes at her. “Liara, are you okay with that?”

She hesitated a moment but met his gaze. “Yes. A part of me wants this. The Broker’s resources and network are far too valuable to just discard. I’ll be more helpful in what’s coming than I’d ever be on my own.” She looked to Shepard. “I’ve already found some files you need to see.”

The Commander inclined her chin. “Send me anything pertinent. We can’t linger here long though, We’ve got to get Tali back through The Veil.”

“What?” Garrus intoned.

“The Admiralty Board has accused her of treason. That’s why I need you well rested. So you can come yell at them with me.” Her lips pulled up as she spoke.

His eyes darted to hers. There was a lot said in those azure depths before he glanced at the other two in the room. Like, ‘Get me out of this awkward situation.’ “Gladly. But first, help me up. I need something to eat.” 

“Chakwas is gonna kick my ass.” She sighed as he swung his long legs over the edge of the bed and slid a wobbly arm across her shoulders. “Want me to get Gardner?”

“Spirits no. I need actual good food to mend a plate.” He rumbled as they both stood and shuffled for the door. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stoked for the remaster announcement. Sorry I'm a bit late today, lack of beta apparently makes me forgetful. Didn't realize I hadn't already edited this chapter. I hope you are all still enjoying, finally some good Shakarian fluff this chapter... and much more incoming. Thanks for continuing to read, and for the lovely comments and kudos everyone! Ya'll are keeping me trucking!


	18. Chapter 18

The flight up to the live ship had been entrancing. The Quarian fleet’s numbers were speculated about in the Alliance, but looking now at the thousands of vessels outside the Normandy’s view port… she had a funny feeling their numbers concerning the flotilla were grossly underestimated. There were fighters darting about running drills, cargo barges, cruisers, and live ships spun slowly and serenely with battleships flanking each one. The Quarians suffered few outsiders into the flotilla for more than just trade. So despite the weight of anxiety in her gut for Tali’s fate, there was also a jumpy excitement coursing through her.

“Tali,” Shepard watched her friend pace and wring her hands. The docking procedure was taking forever, it had been 15 minutes before clamps engaged, and it would be another 20 minutes of suit scrubbing as they passed through to the Rayya’s inner corridors according to their engineer. 

She grabbed the quarian’s forearms as she moved by. “We’re with you. I promise I’ll give everything I can to make this right.”

“I know Shepard. I know. Just… I’m facing exile. Never to see my Father again… my friends?” Tali’s voice was wavering.

There was nothing to be said to comfort. So Shepard tipped her head and touched her helmet visor to Tali’s.

The engineer sighed. “I wish Liara could have stayed for this. She’s always so calm. It would have been nice to have our girl group back together again. No offense, Garrus.”

“None taken.”

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

She and Garrus had had to take their hard suits off for decon and as their armor was sprayed, they were both attacked by respective teams of quarians to scrub them down. By the time they got rekitted and stepped through the airlock with Tali, Shepard was already annoyed. If she’d known that was going to happen she’d have just walked over naked. The quarian quarantine team had rubbed her raw, and the under-suit was now chafing away what little of her skin remained. 

“Damndable freaking brushes,” She murmured and wriggled, trying to re-situate the suit as the lock cycled.

Garrus turned an eye down on her. “I thought that was lovely. I haven’t had my plates wire brushed since I lived on Palaven.” 

Shepard shot him back an incredulous look. 

“What?”

The airlock opened, allowing the three into the inner halls of the Rayya. The corridor was shockingly large compared to the SR2, and crowded. Many quarians bustled by, on their way to whatever destinations. There was a line of men and women in gold and black suits on either side of the door that snapped to a recognizable attention as they strode onto the metal floors. 

A tall quarian stood in front of them in the passageway. He dwarfed her and Tali. “Captain Shepard. Tali’Zorah has told me much about you, I wish we were meeting under more pleasant circumstances.” He bowed slightly, hunching forward with broad shoulders. “I am Captain Kar’Danna of the Rayya. Welcome to our ship.”

“Thank you and likewise. Tali has saved many lives aboard the Normandy. I’m here to return the favor.”

“Understandable. As Captain of the vessel Tali’Zorah serves on, your voice carries weight here. He turned to address Tali, the bright hall lighting glinting off of a round crest in the midst of his chest harness. “I wish I could do more to help. The trial requires that I be officially neutral but… I’m here, if you need to talk.”

Tali stepped forward. “What am I charged with?”

He hesitated. “They are charging you with bringing active geth into the fleet.”

“What?! That’s insane! I never brought active geth onboard! I only sent back parts and pieces!” She rocked her head. “Unless… something was only damaged and not permanently inactive... no, no, I was careful, I triple checked EVERYTHING. There’s no way.”

“I’m under orders to place you under arrest. I’m sorry Tali, we confine you to this ship until the trial is over.” The Captain bowed his head, talking more to the floor than to Tali. “They are aware you are here. The trial is being held in the garden plaza. They are already preparing to start.” He stepped to the side and held an arm out down the hall.

She and the Commander both muttered expletives under their breaths. 

Shepard followed Tali through a maze of hallways, Garrus right behind her. It was hard to stay focused on the trial though when presented with so many colorful beings. The environmental suits varied wildly, different helmet shapes and sash colors crossed them in the halls. Some were adorned with long slitted skirts and herding around younglings. At some point they passed by a tiny, pale baby being carried in a bubble, and even though she tried not to stare, the sight dragged her in. It was so small, it’s wide eyes serenely closed and intricate black markings on it’s stark white forehead. Her first glimpse of a quarian outside their suit. The galaxy lauded the humans their large range of dimorphism, but the different heights and builds of the Quarians suggested they were just as diverse. The Normandy’s crew were quiet compared to the whispering and murmuring as they walked. She caught Tali’s name more than once in rather unquiet chatter as they moved. 

“Auntie Raan!” Tali took off at a trot and launched herself at a slightly taller woman in a lovely silver and ruby suit just outside a large chamber. 

“Tali’Zora vas Normandy, I’m so happy to see you. I could only delay them so long.” The two women hugged tightly.

“Wait, Vas Normandy?” Tali pulled away from her.

The woman let out a sigh. “I’m afraid so. The Admiralty board put forward a move to have you tried under that name, since your departure from the Neema.”

“What?!”

“I take it being associated with a human ship is a bad sign?” Shepard stepped up next to her friend.

Tali faced her. “They stripped me of my ship's name! That’s as good as declaring me an exile already!” She wailed and brought a palm up to her visor. “Keelah…” She shook her head. “Shepard vas Normandy, this is Admiral Shala’Raan vas Tonbay. She’s a friend of my father’s.”

Shepard bowed as the Captain had earlier and the woman mirrored it. “You’re an Admiral, does that mean you are one of the judges?”

“Unfortunately, no. My history with Tali and her father forced me to recuse myself of the proceedings. I am still moderating and ensuring rules are followed, but I have no vote in the judgement.” Raan sighed.

“Which means father is recused.” Tali breathed quietly.

The taller woman folded her arms. “You’ll understand once you are inside, Tali.”

“Does the accused get a defense counselor?” Shepard asked.

The Admiral turned her gaze on her. “Indeed she does, Captain Shepard. Tali is now a part of your crew by Quarian law. Accused are always represented by their ship's Captain.”

The N7 and Tali shared looks.

“So… you’ll actually speak in my defense.” Tali sounded shell shocked. About how she was feeling too.

“Shit… I’m not prepared… but I’ll do everything I can Tali.” Shepard swiveled back to Raan. “I don’t know Quarian law, stripping her of her ship name is putting her at a tremendous disadvantage!”

Raan nodded. “I recognize that. But our rules are simple. Present the truth to the best of your abilities. There are no legal tricks or political loopholes to exploit here like there are in human society.”

The soldier had a sinking suspicion that couldn’t possibly be true.

“Now, I promised I would not delay you. The Admiralty wishes to proceed immediately, follow me.” Raan turned and walked into the large room in front of them. 

“‘You’ll see’? What kind of answer is that?” The Commander looked at her friend. 

Tali threaded a hand through her elbow. “I don’t know, Shepard.”

The three proceeded into the chamber, following Shala’Raan down tiered steps until they reached a raised podium at the bottom of the rounded area. The walls were covered with colorful plants, green and maroon vines roped across the ceiling tiles. There were a few Quarians sat at a ledge overhanging the platform. Other than the greenery, it was a room remarkably similar to a human assembly hall. Hundreds of quarians were already sitting along the tiers, and the many that were traversing the corridor were now packing in behind them. 

“Shit… we don’t know anything and we are going straight into this…” Shepard mumbled as they approached the stand. Garrus laid a gauntlet on her shoulder, and Tali had a death grip on her arm.

Raan took the stairs on the side of the auditorium and stood just behind three quarians on the ledge above them. All of them had a similar suit to the ship’s Captain, with even bigger rounded medals on their chest harnesses. 

Shala’ Raan raised her arms and the roomful of chatter ceased. “I now call this Conclave to order. Blessed are the ancestors who kept us alive and sustained us, enabling us to reach this season. Keelah Se’Lai.” 

The room murmured along as she spoke, like a prayer.

“The accused, Tali’Zorah vas Normandy, has come with her Captain to defend herself against the charge of treason.“ Raan shuffled uncomfortably on the podium.

“Objection!” One of the three Admirals stuck his hand in the air, a smaller man wearing fushia scarves and waist belts. He pointed at the Commander. “A human has no business at a hearing involving such sensitive military matters!”

Man, she couldn’t have agreed more with that statement. Shepard briefly wondered how loud he would scream if he knew about Legion over on the Normandy.

Raan sounded agitated. “Then you should not have declared Tali crew of the Normandy, Admiral Koris. By right as Tali’s Captain, Shepard must stay. Captain Shepard, your crew member Tali’Zorah has been accused of treason. What say you?”

Shepard had a moment of blind panic. “Tali’Zorah has always been a proud and loyal member of the Migrant Fleet, honored to call herself vas Neema. It’s a damn shame that her own people have chosen to demonize a hero of the Battle of the Citadel, to the point where even her own ship’s Captain has been forbidden to speak for her!” So, she let her anger carry her a little. The crowd murmured loudly behind them. That had been good, right?

Koris jumped up and leaned over the barrier, stabbing a finger in the air wildly at her. “Nobody has been forbidden from any-”

The Admiral next to him stood and got in his face. “Lie to them if you must Zaal’Koris, but do not lie in front of me and expect me to stay silent! The human is right!” The room was in a tizzy behind them. Garrus swiveled left and right to look across the quarians.

Raan held up both hands again, trying to regain order. “Admiral’s please! We appreciate Captain Shepard’s willingness to represent Tali’Zorah in this hearing.”

“This trial is a farce. You haven’t even divulged the nature of your levy against Tali. We are caught blindsighted with no information and forced to stand here - to what end?” Shepard boomed. The room chatter started up again.

The last Admiral stood, a female. “To clarify, Tali is being accused of bringing active geth into the Migrant fleet. Not whole units, but pieces capable of spontaneously re-activating.”

Tali took a step forward. “I have sent parts to my father at his request. But I would never send back active geth. Everything I sent was triple checked to be disabled and harmless.”

Koris interrupted her. “Then explain how geth seized the lab ship your father was working on!”

Tali balked, it was obvious even despite her helmet. “What?! What happened?”

The other male Admiral spoke up. “As far as we can tell, geth have killed everyone on the Alarei, Tali. Your father included.”

Tali stood in shock, her glowing eyes wide inside the fog of her mask. “No...no… Keelah,” Her voice trembled. The people behind them were getting out of control.

Shepard slammed her palms on the podium. “I thought quarians valued family! How dare you spring this on her in the middle of this trial?!” The room quieted.

Raan hesitated, a familiar wringing of hands followed. “We apologize - Tali should have been informed.”

Yeah no shit, and she herself had had the perfect opportunity before they’d even stepped into this auditorium.

Tali grabbed her arms. “Shepard, please, please, we must take back the Alarei!”

Koris brought a hand up to his helmet. “We should destroy the ship.... However, if you are looking for an honorable death instead of exile…”

Her engineer stood against the banister and pointed her finger right back at the bastard. “I’m looking for my father, you Bosh’tet!” She yelled up at him. The murmuring kicked back up.

Raan raised placating hands. “Taking back the Alarei is a dangerous proposition.”

“And still sounds better than standing here listening to this joke of a hearing. We will take our chances with the geth. If you doubt her loyalty so much, killing a few more geth won’t sway you anyway.” Shepard barked.

Koris leaned over the railing “We do not accuse Tali of aiding the geth, we accuse her of carelessness leading to the death of hundreds of quarians, including her own father!” Judging by the man’s vehemence, she was superb at digging at his sore spots already. Shepard smirked inside her helmet. He was certainly already on her shit list too.

Raan spoke over them both. “It is decided then! You intend to take back the Alarei. You are hereby given leave of the Rayya. A shuttle will wait in the secondary docking hangar. Be safe, Tali’Zorah. This hearing will resume upon your return, or upon the determination that you have been killed in action.”

People began filing out of the room, including the Admirals who all stepped off the dais and through a side door. Geeze, at least it had been fast - unlike Earth hearings.

Shepard jerked her head. “Come on Tali, we’ll get that damn ship back and then some.” 

Her engineer laid a hand on her forearm, stopping her from walking away. “Wait. Thank you Shepard, I’m glad you agreed with me on that, but we should go speak to the Admirals while they are recessed, it will help us see what their viewpoints are.”

“I’m pretty sure I already see Koris’s.” Shepard huffed.

“They sound so sure that my father is dead… but we won’t know anything until we go over there. He might still be alive.” Tali was back to wringing her hands.

“How are you holding up? That was a lot of fire they threw at you.” Garrus rumbled.

“Yeah and that was before they even told you about your father.” Shepard put a hand on Tali’s shoulder.

Tali sighed. “I thought it would be bad. But I guess no one is ever ready to be charged with treason.”

Garrus nodded. “Lets go find the Admirals and get to the Alarei as soon as we can.”

On their way to the Admiral's courtyard they passed Veetor, the jumpy quarian they had rescued on Freedom’s Progress. God, that seemed like an eternity ago.

Shepard leaned in to Tali. “That's a good sign, right? He said he and Reegar are here to plead to the Admirals on your behalf? I bet we could even convince Reegar to do it publicly.”

Raan must have expected them. She came right up to Tali as soon as she saw them, but Tali spoke first. “You set me up Shala! And you told Captain Danna not to say anything either! I don’t find out that my father may be dead until the trial? Why?!” It was rare to see the engineer so angry.

“Tali, I realize you are mad. But the Admiral’s needed to hear the shock in your voice. That was the only way they would have agreed to let you go to the Alarei, and the Alarei is the only place you’ll be able to find evidence to exonerate you!” Raan held out pleading hands.

“I understand your position, but that was still way over the line.” Shepard interjected.

“She has no one else to speak for her, and I cannot be involved. I couldn’t afford sensitivity. And it worked. I was there when her mother gave birth. We sync’ed our suits so I could be with her in the open air chamber. I was sick for a week, but it was worth it. It was me who took Tali from her mother to put her in the bubble. I must protect her Captain Shepard, for her father’s sake.”

Tali waved in frustration. “Don’t talk like that! We don’t know that he is dead!”

“I am sorry Tali… sorry about all of this. That it had to be this way.” The Admiral’s voice wavered.

“Is there anything you can tell us about the Alarei?” Garrus asked.

“Not much. Rael’Zorah only said he was researching new defense technology.” Raan looked to Tali.

“He told me he needed geth parts and pieces. I assumed he was testing weapon effects on geth components.” Tali propped a palm on her visor.

Shala’Raan nodded. “We knew nothing until we received a distress signal from the Alarei just before their coms went dead. We didn’t even know about the geth until a boarding team was attacked. The marines that survived and escaped saw bodies in the halls. We must assume the worst.”

Shepard paced a few strides. “Damn. So we don’t have any idea a how many there are. We need to find evidence that would be swaying - shipping manifests and inventory data on the parts Tali sent, and records of Rael’s experiments. That would show how careful she was.”

“Yes. Anything to prove this was all just a horrible unforeseen mistake.” The Admiral murmured.

“So what's _really_ going on here. The way the Admirals were arguing makes it seem like this whole hearing is just a smoke screen for something else.” The Commander folded her arms.

Raan blinked a few times. “You caught that? Yes. The geth make this a touchy issue.” She paused. “The Admiralty board is trying to determine if we should focus on… colonial developments, or try to retake the Homeworld.”

Shepard didn’t reign in her gasp fast enough. Fuck. Not now, not with the Reapers coming. And nothing she would say would stop it. It wasn’t like the universe believed they were a threat. Behind her, Garrus started that humming chest noise. But instead of calming, as it usually was - it was annoying that he could tell how much that statement had freaked her out, even with a mask on.

“You are thinking of war, with the geth? Now?!” Tali sounded just as shocked as she felt, at least.

“The Quarian fleet is impressive, but you can’t take on the geth.” Shepard mumbled.

Shala’Raan paced a few steps this time. “We grow tired of wandering the stars, Shepard. We want our world back. We’ve been punished enough. This is not my opinion… I am just telling you which way the recycler is blowing.”

Her insides were screaming. The small spark of hope she’d had as they flew up to the Fleet, that maybe they’d have the firepower to stop the Reapers if the Quarians joined the cause… was so quickly stamped out. War. “Come on Tali, let's talk to the rest so we can go kick some geth ass.”

Legion.

The queasy feeling in her stomach turned into outright nausea as they spoke to the Admiral that had fought with Koris, Han’Gerrel. He was affable and praised her for taking the piss out of Koris. But he was the warmonger. Raan had seemed undecided. Further speaking with Admiral Koris revealed that even though he was a blowhard up on the stand - he was on the side of peace. He understood that the geth had done what they had to to live. Despite herself, she actually liked the guy. The last Admiral, Admiral Xen, had just replaced Tali’s own father. And while it was interesting that the quarians had elected a diversely opinionated board of leadership… Xen was the most unhinged of the bunch. Talking with her uncovered her lofty dreams of re-subjugating the entirety of the geth. 

None of this had ever been about Tali. It was a power play to get a rise out of the quarian masses. To incite fear and blame in order to start a war and get their hands on whatever precious weapons research Tali’s father had cost them.

Over on the Alarei, the evidence only proved how much deeper the quarian plot went. Every step the trio took through the small ship Shepard had wished they’d had Legion with them. He’d have made the fight so much easier. His hacking ability on his own kind was unparalleled on the mission to rescue David Archer. 

As Tali sobbed over her father’s body, The Commander tried to wrestle up some empathy. Really, truly, tried and her heart sank for her friend, but only emptiness filled her - even as Tali cried inside the circle of her arms.

War.

What was the point of saving the colonists from the Collectors again? All this effort would go to hell as soon as the Quarians pulled the trigger. The Reapers would come after they and the geth destroyed each other. 

Later, while Tali was busy downloading everything off of her father’s console, Garrus leaned in off coms. “Are you alright? You’ve been uncharacteristically quiet.” He murmured.

His voice dragged her out of her circular thoughts. “Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine Big Guy. Just. Thinking.”

“I don’t buy that for a minute. Your BP has been elevated since we last spoke with Shala’Raan. “

“You and that damned visor.” She huffed.

“War with the geth. That’s what you are thinking about. And the Reapers.”

“Do you think they’ll do it?” Shepard whispered.

“I don’t know. Maybe. But remind me to give you a fly by of the Hierarchy’s armada once this is all over. That will bring your spirits up. The Quarian’s are not the only species with firepower.” 

His humming confidence brought a bit of a smile back. “Why am I picturing tiny baby Garrus flying around toy spaceships and dreaming about becoming a fighter pilot?” 

He straightened and cleared his throat. “Probably because that is extraordinarily accurate.” His sub vocals warbled.

“Aw, don’t be embarrassed. I wanted to be a fighter pilot too.” 

He turned to look at her, but his mirrored visor hid his expression.

Tali’s anguished speech cut over them on coms. “I don’t understand… by the logs we’ve found… my father was purposefully ignoring code, bypassing security protocols we’ve stood by for generations - and assembling geth and neural linking them on purpose! All so he could test out a virus?!”

Shepard walked up next to her engineer. 

“That breaks our most sacred laws! Laws we have upheld since before the geth drove us from the Homeworld!” Tali paced erratically, both palms on her forehead. “Everything here was his fault! When this comes up at trial… Keelah, Shepard.” As she swiveled and they both locked eyes. “Shepard, we can’t tell them. Not the Admirals, not anyone!” Hysteria drove her into a fevered pitch The Commander had not heard from her before.

“Tali, without this evidence you are looking at exile!” Shepard gestured at the log.

“You think I don’t know that?! You think I want to live, knowing I will never see the Fleet again?!” Tali's voice broke as she screeched. “But I _cannot_ go back into that room and say my father was the worst war criminal my people have ever known!”

“Tali, calm down, think rationally about this! You heard your Father, he didn’t want you embroiled in any of these politics. Rael’Zorah doesn’t need you to worry about him anymore.” There was an argument to be made that if he didn’t want to endanger his daughter, he wouldn't have done any of this. And he damn sure wouldn’t have done it with parts she’d sent him. Hopefully, Tali wouldn’t go there.

The tears were apparent in the quarian’s speech. “You don’t understand, Shepard. They would strike his name from the manifest of every ship he ever served on! He would be worse than an exile. He would be a traitor to our people, a monster talked about in stories for children! I can’t let all the good he has done be destroyed over this Shepard, I just…. I just can’t!”

“Tali…”

The engineer wrapped arms around her neck, speaking softer. “Please, Shepard. You are my Captain. It’s your decision, but please - don’t destroy what my father was. Come on, we need to get back before they assume we are dead.”

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

Garrus’s soothing vocals oscillated through the shuttle, but he was silent otherwise. Tali sat with her helmet in her hands. And Shepard was smack dab in the middle of an impossible situation, and couldn’t even force herself to think of a way out of it. The possibility of a large-scale galactic war that could wipe The Perseus Veil clean off the map - interrupted every thought she wrangled. Her brain felt like mush as she stepped back onto the live ship.

Until they walked out of the shuttle… and the amplified voices of the Admirals floated out to the hanger. 

“It’s only been a few hours!” Shala’Raan’s spoke desperately.

Koris’s voice was quieter, more muffled. “We need to face facts, it’s been hours with no word. There is no reason to think they survived. It’s a pity that Captain Shepard vas Normandy is a better speaker than a soldier.”

Wow, okay, Koris just moved back onto the shit list, peace or no peace. 

“Shepard, they already started!” Tali took off at a run down the corridor, with the Commander hot on her heels. They had to pass the courtyard and run down the length of the hall outside the auditorium to traipse back down the tiered stairs to the bottom. Shepard paused at the top as Tali jogged down. There were _far_ more bodies crammed in here this time. Hundreds upon hundreds of quarians were sitting and standing in the room. The throng was boisterous while the Admirals were speaking over them. She and her engineer both had to push through people to get to the dais.

Tali marched right up to the podium. “Sorry we're late.” She was definitely mad, the comment laced with vehemence and sarcasm.

Good.

“Didn’t waste much time declaring us dead, huh Koris? Go get your damned ship.” The urge to tear her helmet off and yell in the bastard’s face was hard to stamp down as she walked the last few steps.

Gerrel leaned his palms on the railing in front of him. “We… apologize, Captain Shepard.” He threw an obviously scathing look at Koris despite their helmets. “Your success in reclaiming the Alarei is… unexpected.”

“Success is my job. Let's get this over with. Every minute you detain my crewman costs human lives in the Terminus.” Shit, she had no plan here. She leaned both palms on the surface of the lectern.

“Does Captain Shepard have additional evidence to submit to the Admirals?” Raan didn’t disguise the hope in her voice.

Tali’s head whipped to make eye contact with her. “Shepard, please.” 

Christ. “You know what? No. I don’t. Because I won’t play along with this farce of a trial! Tali’s achievements and record of conduct are the only proof you need. Come on Tali, we’re leaving.” Shepard turned.

“What?!” Raan sounded devastated.

Koris stood. “Tali is confined to this ship, this is a formal proceeding, you are not permitted to leave!”

“NO!” Shepard shouted. “This is an embarrassment! This is a con job on the people in this room!” The Commander waved a hand to gesture at all the people present behind her, pointing a finger at Gerrel and then Koris. “And I will not let her be used as a pawn in your warmongering.” The room exploded in voices.

Koris sputtered magnificently. God, she wished she could see his face. “What?!”

“You are using this trial as a cover up for the experimenting you’ve let happen behind closed doors and now are using the geth’s presence to incite fear in your own people! If you want to murder your people chasing a pipe dream because you can’t let centuries old grudges against the geth die, then so be it. But leave Tali out of it.”

Han’Gerrel was the next to stutter. “That... your accusations are-”

“They are correct!” She turned to the murmuring behind her. “Look at the people _you’ve_ elected. They don’t care about Tali. All they care about is the geth! Tali is a hero, she has saved countless lives of all species in her actions during the Battle of the Citadel and is helping me now to end the Collector threat to the Terminus! No one in this room has _ever_ known her as _anything_ but a kind, loving, friend. You know it and I know it.” Many of the audience were now standing and talking.

Shala’Raan was holding up her arms. “Order!”

Koris spoke over the din. “If you have no new evidence, the Admirals should render judgement-”

Kaal’Reegar pushed through to the front of the dais, his voice booming through his modulator. “Tali has done more for the Fleet than any of you Bosh'tets have ever done! This trial is pissing on every marine that died on Haestrom protecting Tali so she could gather the information you asked for. If you exile her, you had better be prepared to exile me too.” 

Bless him, that really got the throng going. The Admirals all seemed shocked, rooted in place as they looked out across the sea of bodies. Shepard glanced around, she’d thought Garrus had been right behind them as they came down the stairs. A familiar blue peeked through the multitudes of enviro-suits. Ah, there he was, sitting at the top of the auditorium looking down. 

Many minutes passed before Raan got the room back under control. Minutes where the Commander contemplated just leaving entirely. She’d like to see anyone try to stop them. Hmph. The rest of the Admirals were staying awfully quiet… a fact that made dread build inside her chest. 

Eventually the room subdued at least enough for Shala’Raan to be heard. When she next spoke it was hard to tell if the tone was more weary or more relieved. “Tali’Zorah. In light of your history of service, the Admirals do not find sufficient evidence to convict. You are cleared of all charges and free to return to the Normandy.”

A cheer raised in the assembly and many people pressed in to congratulate Tali. Shepard ducked to squeeze in between two large men in the same suit as Reegar, to traipse up to her sniper’s position. 

“Whatcha doing up here Big Guy?” She bent to sit next to him.

“I figured that whatever was about to come out of your mouth here was bound to be viral video, so I needed a good spot to record.”

She snorted. “You think you know me so well.”

“Because I do. Cram Commander Shepard into a room full of idiots and she will _never_ disappoint you.” There was a smile in those words even if she couldn’t see it.

“Yeah? And how’d I do?”

He gave her a thumbs up.

Shepard rested her chin in her hand. “Just between you and me, I can’t fucking believe that worked. I considered throwing her dad under the bus. Who cares about some dead guy, save your own skin.”

“You would never. Tali is way too cute for you to betray.” He hummed.

“Shut up.” She pushed his pauldron away while he chuckled. “Come on, let's get out of here. This has been a monumental waste of my time.” She grumbled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4z2yGLVlUMHHi2GdXGTa92?si=uCk7gXTISIWb1mpFUI1lfA
> 
> For those who missed it there's a playlist set up for this story and the next portion covering ME3 as well. I am constantly updating it. Thanks all for the kind words and kudos - it really is such a pick-me-up when I get them. Thank you for sticking with me! The next chapter is my gift to all Shakarian stans <3


	19. Chapter 19

“Mordin, have you got a minute?” Shepard pulled out the stool she normally sat on.

The salarian was typing on his console. “One moment.” His practiced fingers were a blur on the holo keys.

She set her coffee cup down on his lab table and poured in a little straw of nutritional powder. When she picked it up again, there was a noticeable ring where it had been. Shepard tipped the mug up - nothing had dripped. It must have been left from one of their previous encounters here. *

He turned and leaned both palms on the tabletop. “Apologies. Developing situation. Much data coming in. What can I help with?”

“I was wondering if you had anything we could give Grunt for his agitation? There was another incident while I was on the Rayya.” She sighed. “It doesn’t need to be long term, I’ve already had Joker set us on course for Tuchanka.” She took a deep sip of hot coffee.

“Other than sedation, no. Wait, perhaps an herbal tea? Tuchanka heading excellent news, though. Also have business on Tuchanka, received data, still processing, analyzing likely scenarios, not sure how to begin. Too much intel. Have not been completely forthright. You know about the genophage?”

“Yeah, wasn’t it something like one in a thousand pregnancies ends in live birth?”

“Correct. Virus crafted by salarians, released on Tuchanka by the turians a thousand years ago. Controlled krogan population ever since. All public knowledge. But I know more. Recent generations were adapting. Genophage losing its effectiveness.” He leaned forward with his hands on the table, looking down.

“What? Do the krogan realize that’s happening? They’d be thrilled!” Her mind tried to decide what Wrex’s face would look like if he learned of this.

“No, not good. Krogan too warlike, culture broken. Population increase now would lead to increased aggression, more war.” He sighed. “Led a team. Created a new version, released on Tuchanka, other colonies. Re-stabilized krogan population.”

The expression on her face caused concern to scrunch into his forehead. Shepard leapt to her feet, and the stool smashed into the table, slopping liquid out of the mug upon it. “Mordin… how… how could you justify neutering them again?!” Her voice caught as she spoke. “The genophage should have been a war crime... this... this is,”

“Exactly the reaction feared. In smaller numbers, Krogan sympathetic, tragic. Galactic regret for deployment of genophage. But in large numbers, expansion, aggression, war. Krogan too dangerous. Had to stop them. First genophage was necessary. Cultural fragmentation made modified genophage even more necessary. If what you say is true about Reapers, Shepard, cannot risk fighting two wars at once.”

That quieted her objections. She bit the inside of her lip.

“Former team member, Maelon, protege, caught by Blood Pack, last seen on Tuchanka. Might torture him, make an example. Recovering Maelon would be a personal favor to me. Would like to see him safe.”

“Mordin… do the Krogan realize he was involved in the modified genophage? If they do… he’s… probably not alive.”

“Unclear. No way to determine until we get to Tuchanka. Maelon last seen outside Urdnot territory.”

Shepard exhaled and dug her fingers into her hairline and stared down into her cup. “Did you at least consider other options?”

“Of course! Hundreds. Thousands. Modified genophage produced best outcome.” He was pacing now, arms animated. “Stabilized population, avoided publicity that would incite Krogan anger. Genophage isn't sterility as you suggest, stabilizes population to pre industrialization numbers. Averted potential genocide! Not a war criminal, not a murderer, genocide unnecessary. Avoided devastating war. Allowed Krogan chance to survive. Best outcome for galaxy. Everyone wins. Good for us. Good for them.”

Her mind was reeling. God, if Wrex ever even suspected… he’d kill them all on sight. Friends or no friends, the minute they set down and asked after Maelon, that would be it. Shepard drummed her fingers on her mug.

“Aware of your Krogan sympathies due to perceived similarities.” Mordin spoke.

“I’ve killed more Krogan than I’ve made friends with. I understand your reasoning. I don’t agree with it, but I understand it. We will be on Tuchanka in twelve hours. I know the leader of Clan Urdnot. You and I will go down first, see what we can come up with. DELICATELY. Wrex and I may be buddies, but if he gets any genophage whiffs, we are both deader than dead.” She rubbed her temple and stood. “I’m going to try to get some sleep.”

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

She’d been scooping ice cream out of a little tub when the screaming started - first in Tali’s modulated voice and finishing with geth techno screeching. Shepard pulled the spoon out of her mouth and spun, but couldn’t see beyond the wide turian back in front of her. Garrus must have jumped up on reflex from where he’d been leaning against the counter at the noise - he already had his pistol up between her and the rest of the mess. She shook her head and stepped around him. Maybe his paranoia was well founded; wearing his full kit most of the time, because she had nothing but a hoodie and sweatpants.

Tali was pointing her shotgun at Legion who, to his credit, was standing there with both palms up towards her and Garrus. Jack hadn't even bothered moving from her spot at a table and was still stuffing mashed potatoes in her mouth while watching with rapt attention. 

“Tali?” Shepard called as non threateningly as possible. Thane rounded the corner from the hall, his own pistol out.

The quarian’s gaze didn't leave the synthetic for even a millisecond. “Shepard. Legion just scanned my omni-tool - he’s going to send information on the Flotilla back to the geth!”

“Whoa, Tali, you are just a few hours post trial, my nerves are still frayed too-”

“NO! He scanned it Shepard!” Tali snapped and pushed the barrel of her gun into Legion’s chassis. 

It took a step backwards, its flashlight swung towards the Commander. A pleading look?

The N7 squeezed in between the two with her arms held out. “Legion?”

“The Creators performed weapons tests on us and discussed open war. We believe it necessary to warn our people.” Legion’s head shutters fluttered wildly. Did he sound worried?

She couldn’t really blame the Geth, that was true after all. 

“I can’t let him endanger my people!” Tali’s voice raised another notch and wavered dangerously. “Just because it hasn’t killed us yet doesn’t mean it won’t! I’ve played nice up to this point, but this is too much, Shepard. I trusted your judgement!” She cocked her shotgun, regardless of the Commander standing between them.

“See it from his perspective Tali, your father was running brutal experiments to come up with that virus. If the subjects had been human, I’d damn well be telling the Alliance about it.”

The quarian put a hand on her helmeted forehead. “I understand. But if the geth find out…”

“It would become a war that would devastate both sides before the Reapers even get here. We just went through hell trying to prevent that, is that what you want, Legion?” She and Tali both turned to stare at him.

It considered for a moment, the iris of its optics flickered. “We… believed it necessary to relay the information.”

Shepard sighed and motioned Garrus and Thane to stand down. “Eventually you are both going to have to stop fighting this war. The entire galaxy will wind up paying for your actions.”

It was Legion who spoke first in the hushed cafeteria. “To facilitate unit cohesion, we will not transmit data regarding Creator plans.”

Tali hesitated for a few beats - making the Commander keenly aware of the perspiration on her scalp.

“I understand your intention, Legion. It isn’t so different from my own… what if I give you non-classified information about the flotilla?” The engineer murmured.

The two began conversing, and the Commander stole back over to the kitchen and picked up her spoon again. Thane came over to stand near her elbow, a wrinkle creased into his brow. Garrus had one eye looking down at her hawkishly from her left. 

“You both worry too much.“ Shepard rested her arms across the counter top.

Garrus pivoted to face her. “That’s my typical reaction to geth noises. What is it you humans say?” He paused with a finger on his chin. “Traditions die painfully?”

Thane didn’t mask his lip twitch. 

“Old habits die hard?” She smirked. “You need a vacation as badly as I do Big Guy.”

“Yeah? Well, a Tuchanka heading isn’t the best place for that.” Garrus sniffed.

Shepard chuckled. “You don’t know that. Maybe it’s lovely. Wrex might have a whole hot tub full of lovely krogan ladies by now.”

He visibly shivered. “Spirits, don’t make me think about that. I avoided an entire year of showering with him for a reason.”

She threw her head back with a laugh. “I really need to hear the story about who or what scarred you over Krogan genitals.”

Garrus blinked. “Shepard. I was C-Sec, I’m sure you can already guess.”

Jack strode over and threw her bowl into the sink with a loud clatter. “I’d like to hear it!”

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

“Shit. Shit. Shit.” Shepard was weaving a trail between the seats of the shuttle. She slicked a hand through her hair roughly before tying it up in a sloppy ponytail.

“Shepard.” Garrus grabbed her hand as she passed and raised his brow plates.

“Bringing a turian to Tuchanka is bad enough, but a salarian too? They might think I’m declaring war before we even get to see Wrex.” She looked at Mordin, who was shifting around in his seat, blinking at her.

“Even then, you being this nervous is unusual.” Her sniper’s voice was at least a little balm to her frayed edges.

“Other than you, I haven't exactly been welcomed back warmly. I’m just expecting the worst this time. I’m expecting he already knows who Maelon is and we are already good as dead. Hopefully I’m wrong.” She grabbed the handrail above the seats as the craft rocked to a halt. Shepard hit the release and jumped out before it had even touched down. There was already a greeting party.

A massive black crested krogan moved up the ramp to the landing pad “Alien. You are Commander Shepard, are you not?” He boomed. 

“That’s me.” She answered. Garrus thumped down beside her, then Mordin.

“The clan leader is expecting you,” the krogan’s deep voice echoed against the fallen concrete rubble of the building they had landed in. He wasn’t even looking at her though, his lips lifted in a silent snarl as he regarded her companions. 

She stepped into his line of sight, using her height advantage higher up the ramp to block his vision. “And where is this clan leader? I assume you’re my escort.”

“I’m debating taking you. Tuchanka has no need for Salarians or Turians. Clan Urdnot is no friend to them.” The two other armored krogan behind him pulled their weapons.

Shepard pulled her own shotgun, careful to hold it off to the side. “Luckily, that decision is above your pay grade. Now, either get the fuck out of my way, or take me to your leader.” She smirked. Not a lot of chances to use that one liner in her life. 

His great green eyes studied her, trying to decide how serious she was, no doubt. “Fine. This way.” He conceded. The trio of krogan led them through crumbling tunnels and shorted light fixtures that blinked eerily. A group of krogan they passed were loudly discussing the correct way to feed a turian to a pack of varren, and Shepard had the feeling that instead of Garrus coming to help protect Mordin she’d created more of a liability in the amount of people she’d have to protect instead. They came out of a dark mouldy hallway into a large courtyard surrounded by crumbling buildings. Conversations from the krogan milling about turned loud and nasty in their wake, some outright threatening them. The three krogan escorting them stopped at the disintegrating ledge of the building. The black scaled one pointed down to the yard where a throng of the large aliens milled about. She nodded and slid easily down a pile of rubble that connected the second floor they’d emerged on to the ground, Mordin and Garrus behind her. Pushing through the crowd of hostile bodies to the middle revealed a cobbled together throne of sorts, where none other than Wrex sat. Big, red, scarred up Wrex! A grin stole over her features as she moved toward him. 

A meaty fist halted her. “Stop. You must wait until the clan leader summons you. He is… in talks.” One of the guards growled out.

More like sitting there looking one step away from asleep while a much smaller krogan in fancy armor paced around talking. Before she even retorted to the guard, Wrex lifted his head, and they locked eyes. 

“Shepaarrrd!” He bellowed and jumped up.

God, how she had missed that voice. She darted around the guard. “Good enough for you?” She threw over her shoulder as she marched toward her friend, squeezing in between two scaley bodies. He was happy to see her! Which meant he didn’t know about the genophage and Maelon might be alive! Wrex was laughing loudly as they neared one another, and Shepard launched herself into his arms. The great krogan lifted her from the ground in a rib crushing hug.

“Shepard! My friend.” The corners of his mouth pulled wide as he set her down and gripped her shoulder to turn her this way and that. “You look good for dead, Shepard. Should have known the void couldn’t hold you.” He clapped her on the shoulder so hard her knees threatened to give out at the impact.

“Wrex! You look like you are doing well for yourself here.” She motioned to the enormous seat he’d left.

“Not for myself, Shepard. For all of Tuchanka. When I am done, we will be one people again.” His gravelly voice echoed around the courtyard.

“And you’ve broken many traditions to get here. Dangerous.” The smaller Krogan still on the dais spoke.

Wrex spun and head butted him, the crack of their crests sickening. “Speak when spoken to Uvenk. I’ll drag your clan to glory whether it likes it or not.” He motioned Shepard to follow him back to his seat. 

“I can thank you now, Shepard. How you handled Sovereign and Saren made me realize, that fragmented, the Krogan will fall when the Reapers come. I wouldn’t be useful in… Citadel politics,” he spat the last part. “ But I can be useful to my people. You made the rise of Urdnot possible. Vermire was a turning point for the Krogan. Destroying Saren’s genophage cure freed us from his manipulation. I used that to spur the clans to unify under Urdnot.” He slammed his fists together, then his focus moved behind her. “I see you are still traveling around with old stick in the mud back there.”

“Nice to see you too, Wrex,” Garrus’s humming sub-vocals answered.

Wrex barked a laugh. “Well, at least it looks like she found someone more boring than you,” he motioned to Mordin then turned his attention back to the turian. “You grow that quad yet Vakarian?” 

Garrus was silent except for the growing, undulating noise from his chest. Shepard figured that one was annoyance. No one got under Garrus’s plates like Wrex after all.

“Oh well. In that case, I’m still taking breeding requests, Shepard.” The old krogan leaned forward, captured her hand and pulled her toward him. 

“As inviting as that is, I’ve got a few issues I’m hoping you can help me solve first.” Shepard reclaimed her hand and pointed towards Mordin. “We’re looking for a Salarian that was last seen near here. He was taken by Blood Pack.”

“Hmph. I don’t pay any attention to the mercenaries. But check with my scout chief, he might know something. He’s usually near the camp perimeter running target practice.”

“Great, we’ll go speak with him. Last thing is about a krogan on my crew. He’s got something going on with him that's a mystery to the rest of us. I’m hoping you’ll know what it is.”

“Bring him down when you’re done. I’ll take a look at him.”

“Thank you Wrex, I’ll be back.” Shepard gripped her friend’s forearm.

“Watch yourself, Shepard. Tuchanka isn’t safe and homey like Feros or Ilos.” Wrex called after her.

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

It felt like Wrex’s last statement jinxed them. They’d picked up Maelon’s trail and fought through the entirety of clan Weyrloc to get to the Salarian - just to find he was there on purpose, performing gruesome experiments on Weyrloc females and piles of humans in an attempt to find a cure for the genophage. The only real upside was Mordin’s soul searching when confronted with the bloody reality of his genophage work. The stench of the mutilated bodies filled the entirety of the inner rooms of the Weyrloc base.

“Apologize Commander. Misunderstood mission parameters. No kidnapping. My mistake.” Mordin hung his head in the dark room, the orange glow of Maelon’s computer console the only light. 

“Mordin… are you all right?” Shepard walked up to his slouched back.

“Should have killed him. Wanted to. Easier than listening,” his voice was quiet but still echoed in the crumbling rock room.

“Yeah, killing is more straightforward. That’s why we have wars.” She glanced back at Garrus. He tipped his chin down once.

“Easier for him, too. Experiments prove how far he’s fallen. Expect this from Krogan. Not one of mine. So many variables in questions of ethics. Effect on Krogan, effect on galaxy. Something to think about.” the old Salarian sighed. “Still, Maelon’s research valuable. Even though, should destroy it, tie up loose end.”

“Why not keep it if you think it might be valuable? That way at least some small part of the suffering inflicted on all these people would mean something. The krogan deserve better.” Shepard spoke.

“Point taken. Yes. Still years away from cure, but it’s a start. Capturing data, wiping data from local drives.” Long fingers typed along the interface. “There. Done. Ready to go, ready to be off Tuchanka. Anywhere else… perhaps somewhere sunny.”

“I’ll see what I can do, Mordin. At some point I think it would be beneficial if you spoke with Wrex a little. But let's just get you back to the Normandy, for now.” Shepard put a hand on the Professor’s shoulder.

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

“So Wrex says, ‘It would have been faster if we just ate him.’ The shock on that Salarian’s face! Grumpy gizzard says ‘No we can’t’, and Wrex says, ‘Sure we could, look at him! Do you think he’s ever lifted anything heavier than a hard copy?’ The slimy little bastard made a run for it, but not before Wrex caught him by his shirt. I’d never seen a Salarian wet himself before that day.” Shepard slapped Wrex on the shoulder.

The krogan standing around the dias laughed boisterously. Wrex shifted in his seat, a wide grin on his face. “Oh, speak of the devil.”

Garrus pushed past a perimeter group of listeners and stepped up on the platform with Grunt close behind him. “Are we still coming up with new nicknames for me? Fun.” The turian’s sub-vocals rumbled in annoyance.

“Lighten up, Garrus.” Wrex waved a hand at him.

“Wrex, this is Grunt.” Shepard beckoned the young krogan closer from where she sat on the arm of Wrex’s rubble throne.

The warlord leaned forward and narrowed his eyes. “Where are you from, whelp? Was your clan destroyed before you could learn what was expected of you?”

“I have no clan. I was tank bred by Warlord Okeer, my line distilled from Kredak, Moro, Shiagur,” Grunt spoke.

Uvenek marched forward to circle him. “You recite warlords, but you are the offspring of a syringe.” He spat.

Shepard’s scowl was fast, but Grunt seemed confident and unperturbed. “I am pure Krogan. You should be in awe.” 

Wrex fixed him with his red eyes. “Okeer is a very old name. A very hated name.” He stood to inspect the younger krogan.

Grunt nodded towards her. “He is dead.”

“Of course he is, you’re with Shepard. How could he be alive?” Wrex smiled wickedly.

“So what do you think, old man?” She waved a hand towards Grunt.

“There’s nothing wrong with him. He is becoming a full adult.”

Garrus sighed and leaned his weight into a hip. “Adolescence? Really? Can’t we just take him to Omega and buy him a few dances?”

Shepard folded her arms across her chest. “Wait, is that how turians deal with it too? Huh. Small universe.” Garrus’s mandible pulled up in a grin.

Wrex snorted. “I don’t care what you aliens call it, Krogan undergo the Rite of Passage.”

If Uvenk’s face could have turned purple, it would have. “Too far! That thing is not Krogan!” He stormed off, pushing through a crowd.

Wrex watched him go with an eye roll. “Idiot.”

“This Rite will help him?” Shepard spoke.

“If you mean his disposition, that’s just him being a Krogan. He’ll learn to control it. Wrex answered in his deep tone. “Okeer didn’t tell you that in the tank, did he boy?”

Shepard leaned back on her hands. “If he doesn’t do it?”

“If he stayed here, he would be killed. The clanless are not respected. A tank born, even more so.”

“You’d let a tank born take the Rite?”

“Only because he’s with you. After all, you and I killed thousands like him, not as big… but you will have trained him well. Clan Urdnot is strong, the others will do as I say. Now, Grunt, will you stand with Urdnot?”

Grunt looked at her quizzically.

“It’s your call buddy.” Shepard bounced her legs off the side of the arm. 

Grunt turned to stare out over the courtyard, bringing a hand up to rub his chin. Moments passed by, where she wondered if he cared about having a clan.

He swiveled back, “It is what I am for. It is in my blood.”

“Good boy. Give the Shaman a good show and he’ll set you on the path.” Wrex grabbed her shoulder. “You too, Shepard. How many times have you stepped in a mess for your crew? Hm?”

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

Shepard dropped her helmeted forehead into her hand. “God, my head hurts.”

“Nobody told you to head butt Uvenk, Shepard.” Garrus said dryly.

She looked out over the large arena they’d stepped into, now littered with varren and klixen corpses. “Yeah, but it sure made me feel better. Damn, I forgot how much I hate klixen.” 

Grunt was laughing gleefully in the distance and charging through a pack of the explosive little bastards. Garrus sighted and took out the last one over his shoulder.

“Grunt come hit this thing again,” she called.

He was still chuckling as he came up to the keystone - a gigantic, many stories tall stone pillar that was in the middle of the most forlorn, dust blown arena she’d ever seen. The mammoth device reared back slowly and slammed into the ground once more. The keystone had quaked the ground on each impact, but this time the quaking continued - increasing in intensity as the minutes wore on.

“Fuck.” Shepard breathed out. She and her sniper made knowing eye contact.

“Something is coming… I am ready!” Grunt yelled. 

The Commander squinted through the gusting winds and low setting sun. The sand being pelted against her helmet was grating and deafening after all the time above ground. Movement from the left caught her eye. A big blue tentacle burst from the dune outside the stone arena, narrowly missing her. 

“Thresher Maw!” She screamed and unloaded into it. A terrible thundering screech issued from the creature and the tentacle retracted. Thank God they were on solid ground, at least that way it couldn’t burst into the middle of the arena.

“Shepard!” Garrus bellowed. His weight came crashing into her just as an acid burst sailed past them.

Their armor clacked together. “Holy shit!” She exclaimed. “Thanks Big Guy.” 

He rolled off of her and dragged her up by the arm. “Even with all those upgrades, you still can’t hear as good as me, huh?” 

She shook her head. “I can’t hear shit over this sand.” The Maw had retreated underground after a continuous shotgun volley from the young Krogan. “Grunt, watch for its acid, shields and armor won't protect you from it.”

“Yes, Battlemaster!”

“I can’t believe we are doing this on foot,” Shepard mumbled. The next few hair raising minutes were spent rolling out of acid spit and trying to get a clear shot on the humongous eel like Maw. Garrus had gotten a few good shots on its great blue tongue when it had opened its lotus shaped mouth. It didn’t fall for their antics twice though and kept lashing out with tentacles, tripping them up and driving them out of cover. Even Grunt had stopped laughing, having taken a brutal acidic splash to the back. His face scrunched in concentration.

“Grunt, Garrus, see that column near the right edge? Let’s draw this bastard over there. Grunt, do you think you can topple that onto it?” She pointed behind them once the creature disappeared back under the dunes. They both spoke affirmatively. Their Krogan took off at a sprint towards the structure in long strides first. The damn Maw was right on him though - it leapt out of the ground, its great head poised to land on him. 

“NO!” Shepard shrieked and charged, slamming into the side of its chitinous head in an electric blue burst. They ricocheted off of each other, the Thresher Maw landing right in the shadow of the crumbling stone pillar. Grunt flung himself at the pillar, third time being the charm. It collapsed, kicking up a great billow of dust into the swirling wind. Shepard grabbed the Cain from her back, fumbling the arming mechanism twice in her haste to get it primed. She took a knee and set the mechanism spinning. The enormous worm wriggled itself free with a howl, just as the projectile fired. There was nowhere to cover as the blast went off, so she curled into a ball, closed her eyes and hoped for the best. The next thing she registered was Garrus’s laugh over the static of her overloaded helmet speakers. Her arms were trapped at her sides, her viewfinder dark. Shepard kicked her legs. Well, those were free… ish.

“Hold on Shepard, I’ve got to get a vid of this for posterity!” Garrus’s flanging voice spoke over the howling wind. 

“Har har, if you don’t pull me out, your ass is grass Vakarian.” Nothing but chortling laughter answered her in tandem, the deep big lizard kind and the dual toned kind. Shepard wriggled, trying to find purchase to drag her upper half out. Eventually Grunt grabbed her legs and pulled her out of the sand embankment she’d been blown into. He offered his hand to pull her up and brushed the sand off of her armor with a poorly hidden grin.

“God dammit, if you show that vid to anyone Vakarian - I WILL airlock you.” Shepard huffed. The turian just bent to laugh harder.

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

Back again in the courtyard Wrex presided in, word had spread of their victory over the thresher maw and of Uvenk’s intervention afterwards that had resulted in his death. The dumb bastard had waylaid them after they’d killed the maw, changing his tune to invite Grunt into his own clan. He hadn’t taken kindly to the dishonorable Uvenk. 

Krogan crammed into every inch of the arena, torches had been lit along the walls of the main area. Shepard, Grunt, and Garrus stepped off the stairs of the Tomkah to loud cheering and foot stomping. Grunt hurried past the huge tires of the vehicle and into the crowd. Some krogan were wearing veils and a style of cloth robes she’d never seen before. Shepard turned to elbow Garrus. “Have you ever seen females before?” She breathed with awe. 

He shook his head, crest bobbing. “Not even a picture of one.” They both craned their heads, trying to catch glimpses of the elusive women as they weaved through the crowd of bodies down to Wrex’s platform. Grunt had stepped up in front of the clan leader as they both pushed to the front of the dais. 

Wrex and the Shaman were standing before her young krogan, who took a knee in front of them. He certainly knew what he was doing. Her heart swelled in her chest. Maybe she would live long enough to see him bestowed with warlord status. Hm.

“Grunt, you passed your Rite, earning the right to clan and name. Many survive but it has been years since a thresher maw was felled! Your names shall live in glory!” The Shaman gestured his arms widely at her and Garrus as well. The crowd roared in response. “Grunt! You are Urdnot!” Another thunder of many voices. “You may now own property, join the army, and apply to serve under a Battlemaster.”

“Shepard is my Battlemaster! She has no equal!” Grunt hollered, and the crowd responded, many fists pounded her on her shoulders and back. She winced under the onslaught.

The Shaman nodded once. “Understood. Congratulations, Urdnot Grunt, accept this from Fortack. His weapons are the finest we have.” Grunt was handed a gargantuan shotgun by a big green crested krogan to his right. His eyes lit up like a kid getting a Blasto figure. 

“I speak as the conduit of rage and bloodlust for all Krogan.” The Shaman boomed over the mass of scaly bodies. “Tonight we feast, and for many more on the maw! Tonight we drink and celebrate our new clansman! Welcome Urdnot Grunt!” 

The cheer was raucous, drums she couldn’t see started up a rhythm and feet stomped along. A massive bonfire behind them was lit, catching rapidly and blazing ten feet into the cooling nighttime air of Tuchanka. Garrus swiveled his head down to Shepard who had torn her helmet off. She was slick with sweat, her fringe wild around her, and in the fire's light she flashed him a grin as feral as any Krogan before dashing up to Wrex. The expression she wore as she turned her face up at the old Krogan tugged at something inside his keel.

“Well, how’d we do old man?” She asked. 

“Heh, you just can’t help making trouble for me can you?” He smiled down at her.

“Hey Uvenk attacked us first, right Grunt?” Grunt moved up behind her and the two Krogan grabbed each other’s forearms in greeting.

Grunt nodded with a dark chuckle. “No one insults me or my Krantt and gets away with it.”

“There are more agreeable Uvenk’s. It will work out well in the end. No one has killed a maw since my time in the arena.” Wrex pointed a thumb at himself. “Guess that’s what it takes to replace me.”

The Shaman stepped over to them. “Your dispatching of the thresher maw netted Grunt three breeding requests.” He slapped a large palm on the younger krogan’s pauldron. He paused, and a smirk creeped over his face. “And one for Shepard.”

Wrex and Grunt barked booming laughs in unison.

The old Krogan waved an enormous hand at Grunt. “Get out there and party, whelp.” 

Grunt didn’t have to be told twice, he jumped down from the platform and disappeared into the crowd. 

Shepard hit her com. “Hey Joker, send down anyone who wants to party with the krogan tonight.”

“Roger that Commander. I think me and my bones will stay intact right here, so if you need anything, let me know. Oh, and congrats on that breeding request.”

Shepard sighed as a very Turian cackle came through the com.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back to another week! Thanks for continuing to follow my not so little story here. All your comments and kudos are a treasure, truly. Next week I reward the bejeezus out of you Shakarian people!
> 
> Link for those interested in the Shakarian Playlist for this story.  
> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4z2yGLVlUMHHi2GdXGTa92?si=3M-_vHrgQbuB9BM8h1yf9g


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We made it folks, and we are SO close to done! Forgive the late update, this was in editing up till the very last second. There is a little piece of art in celebration at the end of this chapter. There's a rather explicit sex scene, same as last time, asterisks have been provided for those who wish to skip it.

Garrus stood away from the pack, mindful of the group of krogan to his left, but finding it hard to give much more of a damn than that. As he scanned the bodies around the bonfire, his gaze was wandering laughably easily to her. He could find her with absolutely no trouble in any crowd, even when she wasn’t one of the only humans present. He’d been able to find her even when her fringe hadn’t been so long and wild, bobbing along behind her in shimmering waves. He could pick out her voice over the roaring of the flames, the chants of the krogan, the beating of the drums. Even when he was well past drunk and into the territory of heaving horizon, she grounded him.

So he continued to stare.

Finally, a krogan with an inky black crest - who had been circling the ring of light around her all night - moved up to her. Maybe this was the breeding request? Garrus watched the idiot put his hands on Shepard’s hips while her back was turned. His good mandible pulled back in a grin. She never disappointed. She must have been completely hammered on that ryncol though, she staggered a bit when she spun - before headbutting the bastard. The crack was sickening even over where he was, and the force she put behind it threw her backwards into Grunt’s outstretched arms.

Garrus’s leg twitched and took him a step forward before his beleaguered brain realized it, and his sub-vocals spun out of control. She turned to look up at Grunt and he saw her small white teeth catch the light. He pulled his leg back and glanced down to check how much was left of the bottled ale in his hand while trying to reign himself in. When he dragged his gaze back to Shepard, there was a flash of red at his side.

_Wrex._

The old man swiveled a crimson eye up at the him, a grin spread across his wide face. “You’ve always had it bad for her.”

“Amazing, you’d know something about me I don’t, Wrex.” Wow, that sounded unconvincing, even to himself.

The krogan barked a loud laugh. “I am over 500 years old, whelp. You might lie to yourself, but you can’t to me.” He tapped his nose with one large finger. “You’ve been screwed since about week four on the SR1.”

Somehow Garrus felt offended at that. “I’m a turian kind of man, if you must know.”

Wrex guffawed again and slapped him painfully on the back of his carapace. “You are a turian and Shepard kind of man. You don’t have to be attracted to humans to be attracted to her.” He folded his arms and turned back to watch her too. She had an arm wrapped around Zaeed’s middle and he had one across her shoulders while they sang some bawdy song together.

“You sound like you are speaking from experience.” Garrus pulled his chin down to study the old krogan’s face.

Wrex smirked. “Maybe.”

Garrus’s thrumming changed pulse and lowered.

“Oh, don’t get all territorial with me kid. The question now is, what are you going to do about it?” He reached out and shoved the wiry sniper.

“Not a damn thing,” Garrus murmured.

“Now we’re getting somewhere.”

“If you know me so well Wrex, what about her?”

Wrex’s eyes narrowed. “What about her? Can I tell how she feels about you? That's what you mean?”

Garrus nodded. 

The krogan studied her again, then frowned. “Council is still out on that one. All I can smell anymore is her fear.” He pointed a finger towards Grunt. “I bet he can’t even tell, he probably just thinks that is how she smells. But that isn’t how she used to be.”

Garrus wasn’t sure what to say, so he finished his ale and stared at the ground.

“Look, what I do know is being asked to do the impossible isn’t easy. What she needs is someone who is a hell of a shot. Someone who cares about her well being and is grounded enough to fight off her demons. Someone who sees who her true enemies are.” Wrex turned his gaze on Garrus. “So I think chances are good that could be you. If you grow a quad and step into the role.” The old Krogan clapped him on the back a final time and walked back into the darkness.

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

Shepard raised her flask and shouted with the krogan, another loud toast to Grunt’s victory at the Rite. She turned to watch her Krogan thump his chest and roar along. He knew the words already. The celebration was a blur of firelight, dancing, and ryncol. The Commander wiped the sweat out of her eyes and pulled down the back zipper of her under suit; where the armor pieces had disappeared to, she wasn’t sure. That was a problem for future sober Shepard! She pulled herself free of the material down to her hips and tied the arms around her waist. The soldier raised her head to the sky and lifted her arms as the breeze off the fire licked across her wet skin, cooling her. Living in exactly this moment, completely safe, surrounded by her friend’s clansmen and her crew mates was a heady feeling. She’d always felt more kinship with Wrex and the krogan than with her own people. Strength was respect, regardless of gender. They said what they thought, for better or for worse. Tuchanka had little in the way of bushes to beat around for sure. Her vision swam, and she silently thanked the liquor the krogan made. It was hard to get carefree drunk with anything on the Normandy, thanks to Cerberus and their ‘upgrades’. But she shouldn’t disparage them - that same super-liver had saved her from death by Minagen exposure.

She hadn’t seen her turian in a while. Shepard glanced around, eyes squinted against the light of the bonfire. Her turian? Really? Suddenly the drumming changed to a much faster tempo and scaled bodies crammed in around her. Rhythmic cheering began - some sort of song. She looked up into Grunt’s enormous grin. Somewhere nearby Zaeed was trying to chant along even though he didn’t know the words. If this was about to turn into a krogan mosh pit though... she had a fleeting thought of worry. 

A small, five fingered hand grabbed her waist from behind. Shepard spun to lock eyes with Jack - there was a huge grin plastered on the biotic’s face. 

“See, I told you you’d love this!” The soldier yelled over the din.

“Who wouldn’t want to come to a huge party on Tuchanka?! This is great Shep!” She reached past the Commander and thumped Grunt on the arm. “Good job on joining a clan!” 

Grunt laughed in return and lowered both his elbows towards them. Shepard looked confused, but Jack caught on and placed her boot into the crook so he could hoist her up. The N7 followed her lead and sat on his other massive shoulder. “You humans can not even see down there. Look.” Shepard followed his finger. Past their bonfire, other fires twinkled in the night as far as she could see. “All of Tuchanka celebrates our victory over the maw, Battlemaster.”

Shepard patted the armor of his hump. “I’m proud of you, Grunt. You did good, you always do. You deserve a strong clan.” She bent down to speak closer to his ear. “Do right by him, Grunt,” she motioned towards Wrex, where he stood speaking with a group of rapt listeners. He must have been telling an old war story. “I believe with every piece of my being, with no doubt, that he is the way forward for your people.” Grunt nodded as she spoke. “Wrex is my friend, sure, but there was a time where we were pitted against one another, weapons drawn. And I couldn’t do it. Not because we are friends, but because he was too wise, too level headed. He was too talented to waste. It was the best decision I’ve ever made, Grunt. For now, you will stay with me until the Collectors are dealt with. But someday, you’ll be with him. Protect him with everything you have. He will fix the genophage. He will bring you all back to glory. Mark my words, you will live to see this planet revived, alive, and beautiful.” 

Grunt squeezed her calf gently where he had his large hand wrapped around it. “I believe you are right, Battlemaster. I will do as you ask.” 

Shepard reached to touch the top of his bare head. Someday he’d have a big crest there. For now the scales of his head were rough and still and not formed together, and she briefly wondered if she would live long enough to see it all grown in. Even Jack was smiling down at him.

“Okay Grunt, enough of this mushy shit, set me down, I’m drying out up here,” Shepard spoke over the crowd. He guffawed and lowered his arm so she could slide down. Her feet hit the ground, and she stumbled a bit as the world spun. The ryncol was still doing its job. She pushed through the mass of moving bodies and emerged on the outside of the circle, taking deep breaths of the cooler air away from the bonfire.

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

The Commander made her way further from the light, searching the darkness for a familiar turian shape. Beyond the fire was a slope up into a bombed out building that had a great view of the festivities. Shepard walked slowly, enjoying the cool wind. He was there, of course, nestled in a dark corner sitting on the duracrete remains of a wall. 

“Looks like you’re having fun, big guy.”

“Someone has to keep an eye on the Normandy’s wayward, drunken, little murderers,” he answered dryly. 

She quirked a grin. “Alright, has Mordin gone back to the ship?”

“Hmph. No, surprisingly. He’s over there still talking at that ‘Krogan Scientist’,” he gestured.

Shepard squinted across the encampment. “I’ll be taking your word for it, I sure can’t see that far.” She moved up next to him and hopped to sit on the wall, but miscalculated the height spectacularly and slid back down. Garrus grabbed her before she made it completely and embarrassingly to her backside. He snorted.

“I’m no longer fielding any criticism for the day, you’ll hafto keep that snarky comment to yourself. Help me up,” she reached out her other hand. 

Garrus sighed but grabbed it and kept her steady while she situated herself. “You know, it’s a lot easier if the drunk short people stay close to the ground, where they belong.”

“Hey, I said no snark. Besides, this is our ritual.”

“What is? Me babysitting the first human Spectre?”

“Naturally. Wait, was that not why you signed up on the SR1? C-Sec has got to be top notch drunken babysitters. In fact, I can't think of anyone more qualified.”

“I’m annoyed at how accurate that statement is. You are aware that every time this has happened I haven’t exactly been sober either.”

“Ooh, so he _did_ decide to have some fun! Good for you! If I could share my ryncol with you, I would. It's absolutely horrible.”

“If it’s anything like how it smells, then I believe you. No tasting necessary.”

Shepard nodded. “Where did you find alcohol? Did you ask Zaeed to bring some down?”

“Wrex scrounged up some of the worst dextro beer in existence from somewhere, so yes, I did ask Zaeed to bring some down.” He held his bottle up in front of her. “My third one even.”

“Good for you. Even Archangel needs a break now and then.” She patted him on the thigh plate. In the distance, the singing was going strong.

“They grow up so fast, don’t they?” Garrus was glancing down at her with a half smirk.

“Right? One day you release your overgrown child from a tank and the next they are killing thresher maws. But, I won’t complain. I got to skip the whole drooling, barfing, pooping stage. Straight to murder.” She put a palm on her stomach. “And no stretch marks!”

“I’ve got to say, human babies don’t sound particularly endearing. How has your species thrived?” He knocked back some of his drink.

“That’s a great question. It’s probably because they are pretty cute. Look,” she pulled up her omni-tool to do an extranet search.

He leaned into her shoulder to get a better glimpse. “Ah. Mmm. Okay, I’ll give you that. If you can get past the extraordinary nakedness, they are cute. I really can’t imagine the great Commander Shepard as a chubby, rosy cheeked little thing like that though.” He hummed. 

“Yeah, that makes two of us,” she murmured and closed her tool. A few moments passed in silence. “Wait. WAIT. I’ve seen loads of asari and human kids on the Citadel… but I’ve never seen a turian kid smaller than about waist high...that’s gotta be… what ten years oldish? What do you do with your babies?”

Garrus balked. “What do you mean, what do we do with them? How have you not seen them?”

She shrugged.

Garrus fiddled with his tool to bring up a picture. He held his arm out, and on the screen was a fluffy, white down covered little creature. She squinted and grabbed his arm to haul it closer. There were tiny, half formed mandibles, little brow plates, and big blue eyes staring out from under the fluff.

Shepard gasped so loudly Garrus flinched. “OH MY GOD! OHMYGOD! YOU'VE KNOWN THIS FOR YEARS! WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME TURIANS WERE FLUFF BALLS WHEN THEY CAME OUT?! OH. I have seen them then! I thought carrying around a fluffy thing was like, I dunno, a fashion statement or something for turians! I’ve seen them put them in their cowl!” Her eyes rounded.

Her outburst caught him so off guard he threw his head back to laugh. “Wow Shepard, your xenobiology classes really failed you. If I’d known that was such pertinent information I’d have told you the minute we met.”

She stuck out her bottom lip. “I didn’t have any of those, I was a street kid, remember? I had to get a GED, and military academy was all about ‘how to kill a big one of these’ so we didn’t go into this!” She dragged his arm and tool into her lap. “I need eight of these.”

That cut his laugh short. “Wait, what?”

“Well, you know, assuming I don’t eat it on the battlefield at some point, which, let's face it, is the more probable outcome. But if I ever retire I'm going to adopt about eight of these little guys.” 

Garrus shifted his weight and cleared his throat.

“Hold up, whoa WAIT!” She pointed at the picture. “This isn’t you, is it?”

He snatched his arm back and flipped the tool closed, leaving them to the soft light of the bonfire. His cricket like humming kicked up again. That one meant annoyance.

“AWW! Don’t be a spoilsport! Was that you?!” The delight in her face was obvious.

He sighed and turned his head away. “Yes, Solana messaged that to me a few weeks ago. It was the fastest picture to pull up. She’s having a bit too much fun going through the family albums at home… I didn’t think you’d be able to tell.”

“Hmm… I always know my big guy when I see him,” she whispered.

Garrus swiveled back to glance at her. Her words caused a tightness in his chest. “We molt all that down between the ages of 4 and 8. Turians are quite private and the molting is a bit… undignified. That’s why you don’t see them until they are older.”

Images of ugly little parrot babies growing in feathers came to mind. She couldn’t help the chuckle it raised. The information in the Broker’s files floated to the top of her ryncol diluted consciousness right afterwards. “Hey Garrus?”

He sipped at his drink. “Hm?”

“The Shadow Broker had files on all of us. I dug through everything to get an idea what kind of clusterfuck of sensitive information he had - I wound up deleting all of it, for the record.” 

The look on her face was hard to decipher. “I’m not surprised,” he said.

“I know about your Mother,” she said softly. “Your sister is at home taking care of her, isn’t she? That’s why she has the time to go through albums.”

Garrus kept his gaze locked on the flames in the distance, but set down the bottle he was holding.

“I don’t expect you to talk about it. But, I’d be a shitty Commander if I didn’t check in and make sure…” Her voice caught. “That a suicide mission is really where you want to be right now.”

He stared blankly forward for a while before turning and dragging her towards him by her legs. “Shepard. I meant what I said in the cargo bay. How can I keep that promise if I run home?”

“You have a family, Garrus. You don’t owe me anything.” She spoke into his keel instead of his face. 

He tilted her chin up with a gauntleted finger so she would look at him. Words clogged his throat, like they were expanding to choke him. “I started this with you, Shepard. I’m going to end it with you. I’m right where I want to be.” He bent to gently rest his forehead on hers. She didn’t properly understand the closeness the gesture implied to a turian, but that suited him just fine.

Small fingers on his neck wrested his attention.

“Thank you, Garrus. I haven’t said that enough," she spoke it so quietly he could barely hear it.

They settled into silence again, the cheers and stomping of the krogan taking over. Out of the corner of his eye, the bit of her face that caught the light off the bonfire wasn't readable. Whatever it meant didn't seem good. Had he said something wrong?

Suddenly she moved, throwing a leg across him to straddle his lap. Shepard grabbed both of his hands and put them on her hips. “I'll be blunt. Should we continue our exploits from the cargo bay?”

He felt popped out if his head while searching her face. The soft smile he found there encouraged him to trace his palms along the swell of her hips and down, where he enthusiastically grabbed her ass with both palms, pulling her into him with surprising strength. 

Garrus sucked in a sharp breath and that deep growling thrum began in his chest. That sound had haunted her dreams since their fight in the hanger. It shorted out all thought and sent an electric jolt straight to the apex of her thighs.

“Shepard,” he growled out breathily. “You are drunk. Are you serious right now? In the middle of a bunch of krogan, in a bombed out building, in the center of a desert wasteland?”

“What can I say? I’m a romantic.” She turned to see if anyone was paying them any mind. “I’m hearing protests from your mouth but you keep making that sound,” she poked him in the yoke of his armor, “And even if you weren’t - protests have little meaning when you are palming my ass, Vakarian.”

“Oh? You’re suddenly an expert on turian sub-vocals and body language?” He squeezed his hands around her, talons buried in the divot between cheeks and thighs.

“I’ve been listening to your weird cricket noises for months now. I won’t stay ignorant forever.” Shepard bent forward, pulling warm hands up the back of his neck and up under his fringe. Blunt little nails dug in and dragged down. Garrus pushed his face the inch between them into her chest and inhaled with a loud growl. 

“See? I already know some tricks,” she murmured into the hide nearest his ear canal, letting her lips bounce along his flesh. “I’m sad I didn’t hear this particular sound sooner though, it’s my favorite.”

Three fingers fisted into her hair and pulled her head down. “Your favorite... hmmm?” 

Garrus raised his face into the crux of her neck and shoulder. His warm breath played over her skin, causing a wave of goosebumps to wash over her. 

“I seem to recall quite a few noises you can make… that I would love to hear again, Commander.” He grabbed her hand. “Wait, you’ve planned this, have you been watching turian porn?” 

Busted.

“I wanted this to be fun instead of tragically awkward,” she huffed.

He laughed deeply, a sound almost completely from his chest before laving a long trail of hot, rough tongue from her clavicle to her ear. That was new. Shepard didn’t realize he had been taking off his gauntlets until talon tips dragged along her scalp. She settled heavily into his touch, all muscle tension and coherent thought drained as he tugged gently at the strands, carding his talons through over and over. She leaned into his palms, eyes closed.

**

“You weren’t the only one, Shepard.” He dipped her backwards, cradling her head with one hand and using the other to carefully tear through her bra.

The ripping sound should have startled her, but the soldier barely tensed before his tongue was back, hot and long. He couldn’t provide much in the way of suction with the shape of his mouth, but he _could_ wrap it completely around a nipple and tug, just as the pad of his thumb found the other. 

Garrus thought he caught his name in the whimper that escaped her. He pulled back to enjoy watching her skin pebble and tighten. Shepard tugged her under suit arms free from her hips, then curled her fingers inside the lip of his chest piece and pulled. Garrus always knew what she wanted, with no words necessary - that was going to be a handy trait to bring into _this_ kind of work. He clutched her to his chest, stood, and strode the few steps to pin her into the dark corner of the building with his hips. He hesitantly let go to use both hands to unclasp the upper yolk and pauldrons of his armor, and Shepard stubbornly clung on with both thighto help him pull the pieces off. 

He snorted. “You really are pyjacks.”

Shepard laughed. “What, this is a perfectly viable position for a pyjack. That's a good thing.” She enunciated her point by leaning back into the wall and lifting her pelvis into his as he tried to unbuckle his waist guard. His thrumming sped up, vibrating through her core as he dropped more discarded pieces of armor. She curved up again and placed her lips under his bandaged jaw, kissing downwards and then along his cowl. She came back up the side of his neck and darted a tongue tip underneath his mandible. She smiled against his hide as his sounds stuttered. “Garrus.”

“Hmm?”

“Tell me if this is weird for you, okay?” Shepard touched her lips to his mouth plates tentatively, once, twice. On the third she nibbled the edges of his plates and mandible until he opened his mouth a bit. Bingo. She slid her tongue inside and explored his heavily ridged upper palate, carefully probed a few sharp teeth,then finally slid it along his. 

That sparked him. Immediately he grabbed the back of her head and wrapped his long tongue around hers and pulled. The weirdness of that sensation and a need to breathe dragged her backwards. 

They studied each other’s faces for a few moments before Garrus threaded a talon tip through the silver hoop at her lip. “This has been distracting me for months.”

 _Months?_

He tugged it, forcing her lips apart, and snaked his tongue inside. He was an extraordinarily quick learner - as always - and left her breathless with his ministrations. Shepard wrapped both lips around his tongue tip and sucked, hard. For a few seconds his sub-vocals petered out as he tried to inhale in surprise and coughed. He arched his long neck, eyes glued to her lip ring. She could nearly see the cogs in his head turning, processing the new information of ‘suction.’

Her smile was wicked as she leaned forwards and set her teeth on the spot under the bandage at his mandible and bit down. 

“Shepard,” he gasped. 

His groin plates had spread long ago, but that little trick had nearly unsheathed him. He hooked a hand behind her knee and pressed his hips forward into her warmth. He buried his face in the crook of her neck and inhaled deeply, trying to force every aspect of her scent into his brain and distract himself from biting back. She obviously had no idea the meaning that held to a turian.

Shepard locked her knees behind him and with desperation and after a few failed attempts, kicked her boots off.

Garrus resumed his attentions to her breasts, kneading with one hand and pulling the zipper of her suit further down with the other. Once he was inches from her sex, he pressed into the folds through the fabric. Slowly he uncurled the finger and dragged the pad along, marveling at the hot wetness even through the under suit. Her heaving breaths and a gasp of his name spurred him on. 

He reached behind her and dragged the fabric over her bottom and down her thighs, finally releasing a leg from its confines. Her scent was heady. He paused for a moment to lick a trail along her collar again, dragging a thumb from the little hole in her abdomen down, down, and gently across her core. The sound she made pulled an answering noise from his chest he couldn't control. He circled a few times before experimentally sinking a thick digit into silky depths.

Turian’s had protective plates - time intensive work was needed to coax them open. But humans were so exposed here. Garrus couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think - how easily she accepted him was completely foreign and absolutelyvulgar to a turian. Panting into her neck, he was out of his sheath so fast it would have been alarming if he wasn’t already thoroughly convinced he was a horrible turian. 

Lost in her sweetness and musk, sliding a digit in and out slowly, it took forever for her mumbling and attempts to unclasp his under suit to register.

“Garrus, please. Please,” Shepard whispered, shifting her pelvis to meet the motion of his hand but still fighting with the clasps. 

He finally extricated his hands and shucked his suit down to the thigh armor he hadn’t bothered to remove, releasing himself. He sighed in dual tones, causing her to smile. Shepard reached down between them to gingerly touch him. His sounds went haywire as she wrapped her fingers around his shaft where it rested along her inner thigh. 

Thank god there was something here that was relatively familiar. Too bad it was so dark, and she didn’t have much room to work - but at least she sort of got to see him. Thicker and a bit longer than a human, the entire shaft was heavily ridged, almost in a spiral pattern that ended in a shallow corkscrew-like kink before the tapered head. The sheath that normally covered him was gathered at the base. She felt her fingers gliding through thin gel as she traced the length. Self lubricating? Convenient. 

Up and around the head she moved, and back down the underside where there was a heavy vein. He twitched impressively, the whole appendage curling slightly around her hand. That was… odd and exciting at the same time.

He dropped his forehead against hers, breathing huskily. Their shared wit and combat prowess made it hard to remember how alien he was until moments like this. As she reached the base again, she wrapped both hands around him and tugged. His hips pistoned forward, and Shepard pulled him closer with her calves, pinning his cock against her slick heat, eliciting a groan from them both. 

“What are you thinking, Shepard?” His voice was quiet, only the bass sound of it registered to her hearing.

She had to drag speech through the cloud of lust and alcohol in her brain. Need had taken over every synapse. It took a bit. 

“Mmmm, two things. One, the first human to see one of you definitely shit himself.” 

Garrus chuckled deeply through his keel.

“And two, I think you are beautiful.” She whispered, fingers running over surprisingly warm, surprisingly smooth plates.

He captured her hand and brought it up to his mouth, snaking out his tongue to trace between them. “So you aren't having second thoughts,” he trailed off, averting his gaze.

She huffed a laugh. “I don’t know, are you having any second thoughts about a squishy pyjack?” Shepard weaved her other hand up under his fringe again to enjoy the growl he let loose. 

He shifted forward, grinding them together. “Not at all,” he said into the top of her head. He slid both hands down around the curve of her thighs, pushing them up next to her. “Your flexibility is… jaw dropping.”

She laid a hand on one of his forearms. “Go slow at first, it… might not be pleasant for me for a few seconds.” He nodded, curving his back to line them up. She draped her arms over his shoulders as he sank carefully into her depths. Pressed against his chest, every stutter of his vocals vibrated through her ribs and through his shaft as he parted her. 

Shepard pulsed around him, dragging him in - and rational thought wasn't a thread he could hang on to. Slow. She said slowly. He felt like he couldn't catch his breath as she sucked him in. Nothing prepared him for this - humans were so supple, pliant, and warm. He pumped shallowly, experimentally, and he couldn't control his sub-vocals any longer. They dropped and wavered, vulgar and stuttering embarrassingly like an adolescent - not that she would realize that. Thank the Spirits.

He was only in a few inches before he moved, but the unique shape of his phallus was a whole new experience. She was warped to the precipice and thrown clean over before she even realized what was happening. Holy shit. Shepard crushed her eyes closed, and was completely blind sighted as the fastest orgasm of her life ripped through her. She dug her heels into the muscles of his ass and was left desperately twitching.

“Garrus,” she breathed.

Electric aftershocks spasmed through her, and it was all she could do to drag in breaths. When she opened her eyes he had paused and was regarding her carefully, a question in his own blue orbs. She nodded to reassure him. What in the hell was this? Did other humans know that turians were basically living, breathing, vibrators?! No. There’d be a lot more couples and porn out there if it was common knowledge. 

Shepard pulled his head down to plant a kiss just below his nose and clamped around his cock. He growled long and low, curled his back and plunged - retracted agonizingly slowly, and repeated. Shepard braced her shoulders against the duracrete, unable to move much trapped against him but tipped her head to present her neck as she panted through his strokes. He obliged immediately, and she felt him open his mouth around the meat of her shoulder, tongue probing. His rumblings were louder through his open maw and a vague thought of worry came and went in her head. Was biting a thing for turians? It hadn’t been in the porn. Abruptly he moved his hand under her knee to push her leg back harder. She bit her lip against a groan caused by the new angle. He stretched her magnificently. 

“Spirits,” Garrus whispered into her skin. 

The desperation in his voice sent out another wave of goose flesh. She held onto his neck, digging nails into the hide under his crest. Damn, he was rocketing her to the edge again. If this were a romp in basic it would be a bit embarrassing - but luckily this was Garrus. 

Spirits, she really was flexible. He hoped he wasn't actually hurting her, but focusing on anything but his length disappearing over and over inside her was impossible. He watched as his girth spread her and returned, glistening from their fluids. In the darkness of their corner, there was only her. Shepard’s quiet noises, the way she gasped his name, and their bodies slicking together explicitly. Watching the hypnotic undulation of her breasts as he pumped into her was intoxicating. Suddenly he understood the galaxy's obsession with them. All at once she fluttered around him, biting the heel of her hand and squeezing her eyes shut. Garrus buried himself as far as possible to enjoy every delicious squeeze and shudder around his cock - grazing teeth along her shoulder before tugging her hand from her mouth.

“Let me hear,” he murmured, eyes boring into hers.

“Hoooly shit Garrus,” she breathed. 

Her last few spasms brought him to the brink, so he moved again, desperation pushing him on.

“Shepard,” he gasped.

“It’s okay,” Shepard mumbled, dragging flat teeth across his neck.

His control tore in half as she did, talons dimpled skin and he surged forward as deep as possible, grinding into her wet heat to spill himself. He let her legs down as he shivered and jerked - groaning brokenly in both voices into her throat and rumbling words that didn’t make it through her translator. She wrapped her legs around him as tightly as her jellied muscles would allow, and eventually his thrumming slowed as his breathing came under control. Shepard rested her cheek against his brow plates. They stayed that way for what seemed like an eternity, listening to one another breathe, happily boneless. Well, mostly. 

“You haven’t retracted,” she squeezed around him for emphasis.

“Mmm… I won't be able to if you keep doing that.” He retreated a few inches and slowly pushed back in, slicking noisily through their mixed fluids. 

Shepard flinched, still reeling from every raw nerve ending in her body and a sharp stinging on her back. 

“As impressive as your refractory period is, I’ve got a bit of a problem.” She folded her arms into her chest and curled forward.

He craned to look. “Yep, scratched all to hell.” Garrus sighed and patted her rear. “Let go.”

She untangled herself and he bent to slide out. Shepard hissed at the movement and her traitorous legs threatened to give out as he set her back on her feet.

“Turn around.” He pulled a medi-gel packet out of the thigh compartment of his armor.

She eyed the pack suspiciously. “What, you just keep levo based medi-gel on hand?” 

He blew out a breath. “Of course. What have we been arguing about lately? Besides, I know you’ve got dextro in yours too - so I don’t want to hear it. Now turn around.” 

Hmm. Him giving an order was a nice change of pace. She complied, bracing palms against the wall and cringing as things drained. A few thick plops missed her legs entirely. Too many minutes passed with nothing but cold air across her sweat-slicked skin. It had been too long with no snap of the medi-gel packet being broken and mixed. “Garrus? What are you doing?” She turned her head but could only make out the outline of his form in the darkness.

“Forgive me Shepard, appreciating and committing this view to memory.” He broke the package and tapped its cold contents along the scrapes of her back and rubbed it in.

“It’s amazing the similarities between all you men across species. Love to see your own handiwork." She swiveled once he finished.

He laughed - that same deep chest noise sending a chill down her spine. “Can you blame us?” 

“Do you see my bra? I want to clean up.” Shepard squinted into the darkness.

He laughed - that same deep chest noise sending a chill down her spine. “Can you blame us?” A broad palm pressed her right back into the wall. Suddenly his tongue was in her mouth, probing, dragging a breathless whimper. He curled the tip around her lip ring and pulled before moving down her neck, scraping sharp teeth and plate along her flesh. He raised his head, and without breaking eye contact, or letting his mouth leave her skin, he dropped to a knee. Across her breast and down, his tongue dipped into her belly button and she squirmed.

“Garrus,” she exhaled. Round eyes asked him a question.

“You said you wanted to clean up.” He reached her mound, and hot breath swirling along over sensitized skin buckled her knees. He grabbed her and pulled her forward to lap along each leg.

Little tendrils of panic wormed through the heady sight of her sniper on his knees before her.

“Wait wait!” She tugged on his fringe. “I might not be allergic to you thanks to Cerberus but that doesn’t mean you aren’t allergic to me!”

“Mmmm….” He gave a long lap across her center and focusing on his words became difficult. “I think I’m ingesting more me than you at the moment but,” he threw a thumb over his shoulder. “Mordin is over there, if I go into shock or something - go get him.” He leant forward again, dragging her to him by the backs of her thighs.

“Garrus! Seriously, how embarrassing of a conversation would that be? Excuse me Mordin, I know you warned me but I accidentally killed my gunnery officer with my vagina!” She tried to wriggle free of his grasp.

He paused with a loud guffaw. “No - he didn’t! Please, he _warned_ you against this?” 

“He did. He said not to ingest, because of levo dextro bullshit. It was right after our fight in the mess, I told him he was crazy but,” she motioned between them. “Obviously he is too smart for his own good - Garrus!” 

He continued, undeterred as she spoke. A long, rough tongue tip probed deliciously along her center - weak legs and weak will immediately betrayed her, his ministrations killing whatever protests she had left in her throat. 

He was thorough, lapping across the seams of her legs and down her inner thighs while kneading the backs. He would return, teasingly close, only to retreat again. Minutes of torture reduced Shepard to quietly cursing shambles, and just as she opened her mouth to threaten or beg - she wasn’t sure which yet - the rough texture of his tongue dragged across her clit, drawing a cry out of her throat. He hummed with approval and dove in deeply, oscillating back and forth while silky muscles contracted around him. 

His growling and thrumming was vibrating through her with every tongue thrust, and her sanity was crumbling. He curled his tongue up along her front and zeroed the tip right into her g-spot - like he _knew_. Sniper indeed. She dug her fingers under his fringe and willed her leg muscles to cooperate and keep her upright, even as she leaned against the wall for support. Another coarse lick tore broken cries of his name from her throat as she came. She shook, sucking in breaths, and clung to his shoulders like wet cloth. As he looked up into her face, Garrus remembered all the times she’d screamed his name on the battlefield, called it out as a question, or said it as he entered a room. It was like each time she’d spoken it, it had been slowly filling up the inside of his chest cavity, and the times she had murmured it tonight were causing it to overflow - uncomfortable and tight. Spirits, Wrex had been right. He really was absolutely screwed.

Shepard’s knees buckled but Garrus wrapped his arms around her, pulling her into his lap. For a few moments he ran talons gently up and down her back, enjoying her skin’s reaction in their hushed little corner of Tuchanka.

“So, do you guy’s ever… uh...” she eventually muttered.

He tilted his head down to hear her, and jolted violently when slender digits suddenly wound their way up his still straining erection between them.

“Touch yourselves? Or is it just a human thing?”

What had she just huskily uttered? 

“What?” His brain was trying desperately to rip itself away from her hands to process. “Uh…”

“Is this weird? Can I?” She accented her words by coasting lower along his shaft and dipping a finger slightly into his sheath. 

He leaned back on both arms to give her more room. “Not weird, please keep going-”

He nearly jumped out of his hide though as she squeezed him - he snatched both of her hands off of himself on instinct.

“Er, just… gentler,” he rumbled. “Here,” He guided her back along his phallus.

“Gently huh. Way easier than humans.” Her lip corners twitched into a smirk.

“I’m concerned if-” his own gasp cut that thought short when Shepard shifted her hips forward and used her hands to trap him between soft palms and soft heat.

She moved slowly, methodically, tracing every inch with far too many fingers. Garrus pulled her forehead to his as she worked along his length, alternating between pumping and gliding him along her sex. This was mind blowingly better without worrying about talons and plates.

Every small motion caused him to jerk and growl as she moved, thigh muscles twitching along under her. She could do this indefinitely and be perfectly happy with just the needy dual toned sounds he made, but it wasn’t too long before he sucked in a labored breath and spilled himself across her hands and stomach. 

“Shepard,” he murmured in low tones.

Minutes passed and Garrus turned them to lean against the wall and splay out his tired legs. Shepard curled into his chest, eyes closed. Yet again, with an expression he’d never seen. He rested his good cheek on top of her fringe.

“Hey Garrus?”

“Hmm?”

“Do turians cuddle after sex?”

He blinked lazily but didn’t find the will to lift his head. “Mated pairs, sure. Everyone else, not really.”

“Good, neither does the Butcher of Torfan.”

“Oh, of course not. She’s way too badass for that. Good thing we are just trying to find the energy to stand. Sheer laziness.”

**

She huffed a laugh but groaned. “I was so bruised already from all these krogan, and now I’m covered in puncture wounds and scratch marks. When I wake up tomorrow I’m going to feel like I got hit by a turian-shaped freight train.”

He made a soft chirping noise in his chest. “Ahh, sorry Shepard. Give me a few more minutes and I’ll break out the medi-gel.”

That was a new noise. The Commander stretched and repositioned herself. “That was not a complaint. More of an observation, so don’t move.” She leaned back into him and rested her head against his keel.

Garrus’s warmth and the distant drumming and celebrating merged into a comfortable but dangerous tranquilizer. Even knowing that, Shepard found no will to extricate herself from his lap and stand. Luckily, where her will failed, Garrus’s was still intact. He shifted around searching for another medi-gel pack, the movement roused her from a sleep she didn’t realize she was in.

“Come on, Shepard. Doesn’t a bed on the Normandy sound better than a pointy turian?” He patted her thighs.

“At this exact moment it sounds like a lot more effort than the pointy turian,” she mumbled.

“It’s that or stay here like this and let the first person to look for you find us. My bets are on that being Miranda.” Garrus produced a medi-gel pack and leaned her forward to dab at the talon marks on her backside - Spirits. He’d have to shave them down for any future encounters. Or was that too optimistic?

“It’s fine Garrus, stop making that noise. I’m not hurt.” She flapped a hand at him.

He didn’t realize he’d been doing it. He strangled the noise but continued applying the gel. 

“You’ll get scars,” he sighed.

“Whatever. This body was too clean, anyway. I don’t even have my Torfan scars anymore - or any of my tattoos.”

Knowing she was okay with leaving marks from him on her skin seemed… wrong. It pulled at something inside him. She was small, sitting on his thighs, her vertebra visible as she leaned forward. She always seemed larger than life on the battlefield, so it was hard to remember she was just a human, under a meter tall, and just a singular person. He placed a palm on her back, sliding it upwards. Every bone and bump was obvious, his huge plated hand and tawny hide a stark contrast to her in every way. 

Shepard chewed at her cheek as his hand moved. The gesture was too intimate, even more so than their recent activities - it drove her to stand and wobble to her discarded under suit, a mix of satiated muscles and the last vestiges of ryncol. As she shimmied back into it, she heard Garrus buckling his. 

“Wait, where ith your armor thhepard?”

She spun to glance at him. “What?”

His expression was just as surprised as hers. “Oh, my tongue ith thelling.”

He said it so calmly she had to reign in a burst of laughter. 

“Dammit Garrus, I told you!” She groused as he clipped hard suit pieces together. “Now I’ve got to do the walk of shame and admit to Mordin he was right.”

He stared at her. 

“What?” All she could see was the reflection of his eyes in the darkness.

“Worf ith,” he rumbled awkwardly, like he had a mouthful of peanut butter.

“Oh my god, hurry, you’re getting worse.”

[ ](https://imgur.com/6juE1Rz)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really, I appreciate all your kind words and kudos, you've been the best little audience. I hope you enjoyed this chapter and how far we have come. (And so far left to go :D)
> 
> Thank you!! Your comments have given me LIFE, and helped me find the will to keep editing.
> 
> If you want more of my art : https://www.deviantart.com/crescentbunny or https://www.instagram.com/crescentbunny/?hl=en


	21. Chapter 21

Joker was getting more agitated by the second. He shook his head and threw up a hand as he turned to face them. “You realize it's just our heat emissions that are invisible, right? They could just look out a window and still see us coming.”

“Windows are structural weaknesses. Geth do not use them. Approach the hull at these coordinates.” Legion walked over to the co-pilot console and tapped on the interface. While his back was turned Joker was mocking him.

Shepard smacked the pilot’s shoulder. “Relax. No Collector ship on the radar, we’ll be fine, even if they shoot at us.” 

Tali shifted uncomfortably. “Why does that feel like a premonition now?”

“That’s because it is. Don’t jinx us Shepard. It’s hard enough to relax when your Commander insists on running a suicidal Geth hub infiltration mission before an actual suicide mission,” he grumbled back.

“Hey if Legion wants to take out a station full of Reaper controlled geth, who am I to say no? Wait, is that sweat on your lip Lt. Moreau?” Shepard bent to examine the pilot’s face under his hat brim. 

“Can you blame me Commander?” He refused to look at her, keeping his gaze stoically on the console in front of him. 

“I’m not expecting anything horrible.” A loud clanging announced the docking locks had grabbed the geth station.

Tali scoffed. “It could be leading us into a giant trap.”

Legion’s shutters waved in what seemed like indignation. 

Shepard patted the quarian’s shoulder. “Hey, he said he deleted that data he got off your tool during your little fight. He’s given us no reason to mistrust him.”

“Seal complete, good luck over there Commander. Radio if you need really slow backup.” Joker turned to half heartedly salute her.

She smiled at him before slamming her lid down on her neck seals. “Roger that Flight Lieutenant. Put the kids to bed for me.”

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

To be completely honest, she was freaking out. The lack of oxygen and low gravity of the station sent memories of Alchera bubbling up through even her tightest restraints. She kept trying to push them back down but they leaked through every crack in her mind. She watched her BPM fluctuate erratically on the holo display inside her visor. 

With Legion on their side they made it through the heretic’s station extraordinarily easily. When she’d stepped through the airlock and not set off a station wide alert, He said he’d filled their network with junk data that busied them with scrubbing, effectively disabling the ship wide security system and forcing the mobile platforms to all move back to their charging stations to increase their computing capacity. It was brilliant honestly. She found herself watching him effortlessly blow his counterparts to pieces with seemingly no remorse, and wishing that she’d had him during their mission running down Saren and Sovereign. 

Thanks to his hacking ability and knowledge of geth systems, they had managed to avoid alerting the entire hub of their presence and only had to deal with the machines in small pockets. Progress was slower than she’d like but the low gravity required turning on the magnetic function on their boots. But with Legion and Tali’s reprogramming capabilities, fighting even a large multitude of the robots was a breeze. 

Even as she admired her team mate’s abilities, Shepard rounded a corner and clumsily put her boot through one of the security lasers on the floor. 

Shit. 

The room lit up angry red as a station alarm booted up and wailed. A prime whirled from its terminal and spun up a minigun on its arm that just narrowly missed her as Legion drove her into the floor, covering her with his chassis. He took a cacophony of hits to his personal shield but sprayed rounds back from his assault rifle. It was Tali who saved them both, hacking the prime’s signal - she had it firing on it’s mates in no time. 

Legion’s head shutters undulated quickly. “Thank you, Creator Tali’Zorah.” The quarian nodded as he stood and offered his three digit hand to the commander. “Are you okay Shepard-Commander?”

“Am I okay?! How about you? You are the one who just took a minigun to the back.” She accepted his hand and let him pull her to standing.

He considered for a moment, the iris on his light restricting. “Geth platforms are sturdier than organic flesh. We will not allow you to come to harm, neither you, nor Creator Tali’Zorah.”

She and Tali made eye contact as Legion continued down the next corridor. Shepard couldn’t see Tali’s facial expressions through the fog of her environmental suit helmet, but somehow they tended to be on the same page. It was novel hearing that from a being they’d had exclusively as an enemy for years. Probably more so for Tali herself. She must have been having an out of body experience hearing a geth say anything like that. 

Legion came to a stop in a large doorway off the hall in front of them. Tali came up next to him. 

“Are these… all databases?” The engineer breathed.

Beyond the wall was a sprawling room full of cooling hoses and tankards hooked up to rows and rows of endless mainframes. 

Shepard’s mouth fell open. There were so many more of the heretic geth here than she could even comprehend, and the considerable weight of what they were doing settled heavily in her chest. 

Legion confirmed it. “Each server hosts thousands of geth.”

Shepard felt the weight increase ten fold. “And they can’t see us, right?”

He bobbed his head. “Correct. They are no more aware of us than you are the cells in your bloodstream.”

“This hub looks different than the other rooms we came across.” Shepard took a step through the doorway.

“This is a database, it contains a portion of the heretic’s accumulated memories.” The geth moved to a console sitting directly outside the room and called up a holo interface. His shutters raised dramatically over his eye. “We have discovered copies of our current patrol routes inside this mainframe. This suggests the heretic’s have runtimes within our networks.” He made a number of digital noises. Surprise? Hurt? Did geth even feel those things?

“Well, we wouldn’t be here if the heretics wanted to be friends with the geth. Of course they would spy on you.” The Commander crossed her arms.

He turned toward her, the iris of his light opening and closing rapidly. “You do not understand. Organics do not know each other's minds. Geth do. We are not suspicious, we accept each other. The heretics desired to leave, and we understood their reasons. We allowed it. There was peace between us.”

“Peace can never last forever Legion, you disagreed about the path the geth should take.” 

“Human history is a litany of bloodshed over differing ideas on leadership and afterlife. Geth do not share that history, we shared consensus on all things.” He looked away to study the ground, too much like an organic. “How could we become so different? Why can we no longer understand each other?”

Oh. _Oh._ Shepard’s chest constricted. The geth were in for a rude awakening. Synthetics and organics weren’t that different after all. Here they were, making the same mistakes as their creators. 

“What did we do wrong?” He lifted his light to fix it on her.

Christ was that a hard lesson to learn. 

She scrunched her eyes closed and reached to set a hand on his shoulder. “Legion, I don’t think you did anything wrong. It will apparently be just as natural for synthetics as organics, to develop in different ways when isolated from the group. Afterwards you don’t always get along.”

Legion swiveled away from her. “If this is the individuality humans so value… we question your judgement.” 

Somehow his words wounded her ego. But he wasn’t wrong. Humans were a terrible example of understanding each other, especially compared to a race that could share their experiences with no barriers. 

He straightened his back. “This topic is irrelevant. We must move forward.”

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

They made great time through the station with both Tali and Legion’s hacking abilities. He was able to reprogram the security turrets they came across to help them through the small pockets of combat they did see. 

Legion paused before accessing the station’s core terminal, and swung to face her. “Shepard-Commander. We concluded that destruction of this station was the only resolution to the heretic question. There is now a second option.”

“Oh? Hit me,” she responded.

His face shutters jerked. “We would rather not.”

Shepard sighed. “No, that means tell me.”

Legion’s light constricted a bit. “We have discovered the Old Machine’s virus is complete. This opens up the second option. The virus could be repurposed. If released into the station's network, the heretics would be rewritten to accept our truth.”

Tali shook her head. “That would take care of the problem here, but would make Legion’s geth much stronger in numbers. How can we trust them not to attack us in the future?”

Shepard was quiet, mulling. She kept replaying Legion’s comment from earlier in her head. Finally she unfolded her arms. “I wouldn’t brainwash an organic race, I can't see treating the heretic geth any differently.”

“The question is irrelevant. If we do not rewrite them, we destroy them. That is why we are here. Do not hesitate now, Shepard-Commander. They will exterminate your species because their gods tell them to do so. You cannot negotiate with them. They do not share your pity, remorse, or fear.” Legion’s digitized voice seemed harsh in the silent, echoing, metallic halls of the hub.

“They are your people Legion, you should do whatever you think is correct. There isn’t a right answer here,” she said.

“We are conflicted, we cannot reach consensus on our higher order runtimes. 573 programs favor rewrite, 571 favor destruction.” He turned his light on her. “Shepard-Commander, you have fought the heretics. Organics have been the ones to suffer when the geth have been used as a tool against you. You have perspective we lack. The geth grant their fate to you. Do we rewrite the heretics, or delete them?”

Shepard brought a hand up to rub her helmet. “You don’t have any remorse in killing your own people Legion?”

“Every sapient has the right to make their own decisions. The heretics chose a path that prohibits coexistence,” he responded. 

Deciding the fate of a species hadn’t been on her agenda for this morning. Hell, she didn't want that on her agenda any day. She shifted her weight from foot to foot. Tali must have sensed her unease, and the quarian put a hand on her shoulder. 

“That doesn't make any sense Legion, if every sapient has a right to their decisions, how can you suggest brainwashing them?” Tali’s modulated voice was small in the expansive quiet of the station.

“We merely suggested the option exists, we did not endorse it.” Legion stood his eye shutters up.

“Dammit dammit dammit.” Shepard walked in a circle, shaking out her arms and legs. “Rewriting them is too much like indoctrination. It makes me no better than the Reapers. We’ve seen what they did to the Protheans,” she mumbled. “There’s no guarantee that they won't come to the same conclusions again and want to worship the Reapers, is there?”

“There is a non-zero probablility of error,” Legion answered. 

“Delete them. We have a chance to end this, I’m not going to waste it.” 

The geth nodded “Acknowledged.” He typed feverishly on the console. “Collapsing antimatter bottling mechanisms. Suggest expeditious retreat to Normandy.”

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

“Why do I feel like I’ve just dropped rank into being your personal getaway driver?” Joker called down the gangway after his Captain’s retreating form. 

She shrugged. “Because you are so good at it Moreau!” 

“Commander, Samara was looking to speak with you. She said it was urgent.” Yeoman Chambers called out as she rounded the CIC.

Shepard drew her eyebrows together as she headed towards the armory. “Oh… thank you Chambers. Let her know I’ll be down there in a few minutes.”

Legion disappeared into the lift and she and Tali swung into the armory’s open door. Inside, Taylor and Garrus both looked up as the women entered. 

“How did it go Tali? That new barrel mod as good as I told you?” One corner of Jacob’s mouth pulled up. 

“Mmmm...I don’t know,” Tali brought a finger up to her helmeted chin. When his face fell she continued. “Oh alright it was just as good as you said. Thanks for recommending it.” The two struck up a conversation as the engineer laid her pistol and shotgun on the bench.

Shepard strode by them and ripped hard pieces of ablative metal off her undersuit with practiced speed, throwing them unceremoniously on the bench. Behind her back, Garrus raised his brow plates and shot a look at Tali.

“Oh don’t worry, she just had to decide the fate of an entire species. No big deal.” Tali’s murmured sarcasm was blatant, her tone dark.

“So just a typical mission then.” Garrus returned his gaze to the Commander’s form. 

“The Savior of the Citadel's job is never really done is it,” the Commander mumbled with a rueful smile.

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

The Normandy had been back out in the black gathering resources since Shepard had returned from the geth station and they’d even had a surprisingly subdued trip to stock up on rations and ammunition on Illium. The Commander had kept to herself the whole time they were parked. It was odd to have a week of time without someone shooting at them, much less two. Garrus’s plates itched - that was the first sign something was wrong. Shepard had been on her usual rotations - she came to see him, worked out in the cargo bay with Jacob, sparred with Thane, shared crude jokes with Joker.

But she was absent at meals. Her physique had continued to improve and she was back in her N7 gear, but the dark circles around her eyes remained. She stopped spending time in the mess, skipped out on drinking sessions in the lounge. Even her beloved Skyllian 5 games were going on without her. Something had changed, and paranoia screamed it was because of him. Their little encounter on Tuchanka probably? Or he should have kept his mouth shut instead of trying to joke with her after her Legion’s mission?

Garrus had asked if everything was okay the one time he caught her scowling at a datapad alone at a table. Her mouth corners had turned down, her brow had furrowed. Shepard had brought up fingers to massage the tension at her temple and said something about business on Omega, and needing to see Aria, but hadn’t elaborated when he pushed. And sure enough, as soon as the ship lifted dock from Nos Astra, EDI announced a course to the asteroid station.

If he didn’t have this mission, this duty to Shepard… sometimes his mind wandered to where he might be. It was a terrifying thought, one he’d chase away as soon as he realized the path he was going down. Luckily, he had fresh memories to relive, something powerful enough to combat nightmares and cravings in the dark in the battery. Memories of wild orange fringe and soft gasps, sweat beaded skin and faces he’d never seen before. 

These were the thoughts that consumed Garrus as he sat alone in the galley sipping at a quarian drink Tali had brought on board. The smell of the Commander’s usual late night coffee was still strong. It was one of the few human foods that smelled appetizing to him, a smell not dissimilar to some turian beverages. EDI, Tali, Legion, and some crew members had set about installing the IFF and running live tests, so the general atmosphere of the Normandy had been tense. The relay was coming and everyone was preparing for what most figured they wouldn’t be coming back from. 

A verdant flash caught his attention, pulling him from his musings. Ah, finally. Krios was padding up to the counters. He’d been waiting for the drell to show up now for a few hours. The two men made eye contact. A muscle in the assassin’s jaw twitched and Garrus felt his own mandible suck in. He respected the man, his own opinions quite different from Jacob’s obvious mistrust. After all, Thane had protected Shepard on the Collector ship when he could not, and like it or not the drell was a hell of a shot too. The assassin finished concocting something at the counter and walked over to sit across from him. They sat sipping their drinks in silence. Garrus tried to decide where to start - he had many questions he figured the drell wouldn’t be obligated to answer.

“What are your intentions?” Thane murmured, his hands folded on the table.

“I could ask you the same thing,” Garrus rumbled back. “You’ve inserted yourself enough, you obviously have concerns.”

“Perhaps not as many as I should, Archangel.” He leaned back.

He knew. Garrus had kept close tabs on the extranet, and Archangel was believed dead. A wave of dread washed over him. “This isn’t some blackmail session, is it?”

Thane’s stare was steady, not even a blink for far too long before sighing. “Not at all. My research is for my own benefit. Though, we do each other a disservice avoiding the elkor in the room.” He leaned back.

Garrus sighed. “You’re in love with her.”

Thane kept their intense eye contact before eventually blinking and looking away. He tipped his chin down once in affirmation. “Amusing how easy it is for us to see our intentions mirrored back at one another.”

Garrus's brow plates raised. “Does she know?”

Thane dragged his arms from the table and crossed them at his chest. “I don’t believe either of us has been that foolish. Siha has many concerns, and more than just Collectors to slay. The demons in her quarters leave no room for us.”

Wait, the drell had been in her quarters? And seen what? Spirits, he wanted to ask. 

Thane paused, and moments passed as he waited for two crewmen to traipse by them to the elevator. “I have already been a man blessed. I am now a man with mere months. My only intentions are to see the Collectors destroyed, and Shepard alive, if I can help it.” Thane leaned forward and splayed his fingers on the table top.

“Then we’re the same. I may have lost my way a bit, but I’ve only ever stood behind her one hundred percent.” He stressed the last words of his sentence. 

Krios nodded. Silence passed between the two again.

He knew he didn’t want the answer to his next question. “Do you know why she has been distant since we returned from Tuchanka?”

The drell blinked. “She has been acting differently since Samara requested she come to see her. It has something to do with why they are both out on Omega now.”

Thank the Spirits it wasn’t because of him.

The sound of the lift caused them both to turn their heads. Shepard strode out into the mess, clad in a sleeveless, skin-tight, black leather dress that stopped mid thigh, a multitude of silver bangles along her arms, and an intricate dark shadow application around her eyes. The smudging made her green orbs so piercing, Garrus had to clamp down on a noise that creeped up into his throat.

“Oh, there you are. Garrus, do you have any idea what the VIP room in Afterlife’s password is?” Shepard called before she made it to the table. 

Thane jumped up noisily from his chair. “You’re going after her?” His gaze moved up her form. “And you’re the bait?”

Shepard froze mid-stride. Garrus couldn’t remember ever having seen her expression go so stoney so fast, her eyes darting between the two men. “How do you-”

“Shepard, this isn’t like taking on geth, she is an Ardat-Yakshi - a flawless temptress who has perfected killing in many of our lifetimes twice over,” Thane interrupted.

Garrus was not up to speed with whatever was going on here. He glanced between them.

Her eyes narrowed.“I helped you with your problem, Samara deserves the same closure before we hit the relay, Thane.” 

“At significantly less personal risk to your own safety! Surely there is a better way.” Krios moved up to her, causing Garrus to stand in trepidation.

“We followed the trail of husks she’s left on Omega, Samara has impressed upon me how tentative the situation is and how skittish and smart Morinth is. We can't risk dragging this out or storming her.” Shepard was standing stock still.

“What’s going on?” Garrus murmured.

Thane whirled towards him. “Shepard is about to willingly throw herself to an Ardat-Yakshi, a genetically tailored killing machine. They cause confusion and subservience in their victims with merely a look, and when they mate, they overpower your nervous system, hemorrhaging your brain. They absorb your very essence - your memories, your skills. Each time they kill they become faster, smarter, deadlier, and more persuasive.”

“Spirits.” Garrus looked at Shepard.

“I’m not appreciating this tactic. Using Garrus against me will not make you more successful in talking me out of this, Thane.” Shepard’s voice was cold.

“Let us come with you, bring Kasumi with her cloak, let me be the bait instead. I’m far less valuable a victim.” Thane’s tone was pleading. The normally unflappable assassin's fear was raising Garrus’s hackles sky high.

“It’s not going to work. It needs to be me. She knows of me, and apparently I’m her type. She won’t be able to ignore me. This is the plan with the highest chance of success. The fewer people involved the less likely we are to cause her to go to ground for another fifty years. Samara will follow me. I’ll have a thousand year old matron with me, and I’m not some doe eyed school girl either. I’ll be fine. Garrus, do you know that password or not?” Her gaze was fire.

“I… don’t,” he sighed. “But if you name drop Jaruut, you might get in.”

Shepard nodded, turned on her heel, and was gone in a heartbeat.

Thane’s look of betrayal was hard to miss. It was the same one Shepard had worn during her showdown with Wrex on Virmire. 

Garrus faced the drell.“Arguing with her is pointless. If Shepard says she can handle herself, she can. I’ve never seen her fail. Just trust her.”

Krios spun and went towards his room, emerging just minutes later with his full kit and tactical hood. He stopped across from Garrus. “Are you coming or not?”

The turian took a beat too long to answer, wavering. 

Thane pulled the thermal clip out to inspect it and slammed it back into the rifle. “There is no harm in leaving nothing to chance.”

Garrus made a clicking sound in his chest. “Fine. Give me a minute.” Long legs sprinted to the battery.

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

Shepard let out the breath she’d been holding. Somehow the Jaruut thing had worked. Samara’s last words as she gripped her forearms were echoing through her mind _. ‘Know this, every moment you are alone with her, you are in great peril. She will plan to inflict great horrors upon you. And if you are not careful… you will want her to.’_ In truth, Thane’s out-of-character agitation and the very little information they’d gathered on Morinth had put a large lump of nerves in her stomach. How was she supposed to entice the asari and keep up a conversation with just a few tidbits on her favorite band and sculptures? 

She continued through the dark corridor, dodging couples in various stages of copulation. The music here wasn’t as loud as in Afterlife’s main section, and the dance floor was almost completely separated from the tables and the bar by a semi-circular wall. 

The amount of reliance she was about to have to put into her ‘skills’ gained running with The Reds was already piling sweat on her skin. She decided to cut to the bar through the dance floor - maybe she could catch a glimpse of Morinth from there.

Shepard weaved through the mass of bodies, pausing a few times to dance with patrons so she could look around discreetly. An asari in a painted-on metallic bodysuit grabbed her hand as she passed by, dragging her into an overtly sensual display to the music.

“Come on baby, I can pay. I’m a good tipper too.” A dual toned voice from behind them spoke. That sentence set off rusty old warning bells in her head. Shepard turned.

“I said, leave me the hell alone!” The high-pitched yell of a young asari maiden cut through the music. 

The turian had grabbed the wrist of the small azure woman. “Don’t be like that - I got creds. Let's get out of here.” He stepped into her space.

Shepard wriggled away from her dance partner, seized the guy’s arm and wrenched it from the asari’s. She placed herself in front of him to shield the girl. “Is your translator busted, creep? She said fuck off.”

“Oh, you want in on this transaction?” He looked her up and down with a leer. “You’ve got a mouth on you. I’d love to see you use it. I don’t care if it's you or this bitch.” The idiot made the wrong decision of laying his hands on her. The Commander broke his finger and sank two fists into the soft unplated hide at his stomach before his alcohol addled brain knew what had happened. He dropped to the floor, scattering the people dancing around them.

The maiden put a hand on her shoulder. “Thanks for that. Security is asleep. I’ll go get someone.” 

Shepard sighed as the asari disappeared in the mass of bodies. Figured. Can’t be on a mission to seduce an Ardat Yakshi anywhere in the galaxy without some predatory creep right behind you. At least it hadn’t been a vorcha, they tended to puke when gut punched. The soldier squoze through the dances towards the bar. There was an open spot, so she slid into the seat and rested her arms on the counter. 

The bartender came over after a few minutes. “What would you like?”

She considered for a moment. “Do you have any tequila?” He nodded and moved away. 

Movement to the left caught her eye. There stood a near carbon copy of Samara at her elbow, clad in a lovingly structured black skin-tex suit. Shepard inhaled a breath sharply. God, Morinth and her mother could have been twins.

“Well _this_ is a surprise… Aria is letting the first human Spectre sniff around her station?” The asari snaked an arm across the bar top into the Commander’s space.

The bartender came to drop a shot in front of her. “Aria and I are too much alike to bother harassing each other when we both have bigger fish to fry.” Shepard tossed back the liquor.

A smile creeped over Morinth’s face. “You are easily the most interesting person who's been in this place in days. Join me?”

She could already feel tendrils of oily suggestion creep over her consciousness as she looked at Morinth. Shepard nodded. The freckled asari threaded an arm through hers and led her to a booth.

Music and lights changed tempo and color as they situated themselves on the pleather. On the table were two pitchers of some unknown drink and a bottle of pills. 

Shepard scooted in closer, resting an arm on the back of the seat. “So, you know my name already. What’s yours?”

“Morinth.” She leaned forward and poured them both a glass, pushing Shepard’s towards her. “I’m interested in getting to know you better, Commander. What machinations make you tick?” 

Samara’s daughter slid into her space, sipping at her drink and rubbing a palm along Shepard’s exposed thigh. An unsettling feeling pushed through the slick layers of Morinth’s control - that those five fingers were too many and too thin, compared to the last hand that had been there. 

“You seem much different outside the armor and bluster of the Alliance’s ads, if you don't mind me saying so, Commander,” the asari whispered near her ear.

“Alliance ads?” Shepard blinked slowly. Damn, they hadn’t been kidding. Just a touch, and it was hard to separate her thoughts from the curtain Morinth was weaving inside her brain.

“Since the news of your death broke, they’ve been plastering you across every advert they have, even out here in the Terminus. A paragon of human perfection, the great Commander Shepard. Hmm, from where I’m sitting, the real one is much more intriguing.” Morinth leaned into her. Warm, plush lips touched her neck, lingering only a second.

“I am nobody’s poster child,” Shepard spoke lowly. “I thrive in the dark, and excel at violence a bit too well.” She smirked and took a long pull from her drink, sliding a finger under a strap at Morinth’s chest.

“Violence is the surest expression of power. I’ve always been attracted to power.” Morinth took the bottle of pills from the table and tapped one into her hand. She held it out to Shepard. 

This game of cat and mouse was moving into dangerous territory, and being the mouse dredged up horrible memories of her youth. She inclined her head in acceptance and Morinth plopped the pill into Shepard’s drink. It fizzed as the asari swirled the glass and held it up to the Commander’s mouth. Hallex? Probably. 

Things progressed nicely, and in a drug laced blur the two women spiraled through mundane conversation as Morinth worked her presence into Shepard’s every pore, both physically and mentally. The Commander caught herself wishing for Cerberus’ high powered liver to digest the drug faster in rare moments of clarity. Warning thoughts swirled in the eddy of stoked desire that burned through her very core. She was losing this. She was already highly attracted to Samara, and this was Samara times one thousand. Every fiber of her being was being whispered to.

Morinth stood and pulled her toward the exit. Oh finally, success! Shepard used the last vestiges of her focus to not trip over her own two feet. Luckily Morinth lived close, the pair walked just a few streets over, so Shepard only had to willing command her legs to move for a short time.

Inside, Morinth’s loft was all glass and tile, decorated with various art pieces and an enormous sculpture of a krogan. Soft lighting mixed with hallex blur made the tag on the piece hard to read. Shepard squinted at it for a few moments before giving up and plopping down into a plush mod sofa next to a wide window. The view overlooked the orange glow of Omega’s red-light district and the neon lights of Afterlife. It was close enough to the clubs that thumping bass could still be distantly heard through the walls.

Morinth straddled her lap. “You like the statue? It was a gift from a suitor. It had more personality than he did, but still he impressed me enough that he finally got what he wanted. Though, it didn’t end the way he hoped,” she spoke into Shepard’s neck before nibbling on an earlobe. 

This prolonged contact was strangling everything inside her head, leaving nothing left but slick, sick desire. She bent Morinth’s head back so she could explore the expanse of azure skin with her tongue. Asari had delicate scales across their bodies, not unlike Thane’s, but with larger sections of smooth skin across their fronts and under their arms. Asari forms were similar, their wants much more human. Much more human? Than what? Shepard struggled to bring the comparison to the surface. Memories of Garrus’s tongue and large hands suddenly flooded through her consciousness. Wait, what was she supposed to be doing again? Morinth had pulled the strap of her dress down. Shepard jerked away from her, breath labored. The asari’s overly familiar visage scowled. Shit. 

Morinth grabbed her head and tipped it up to force their eyes to meet. “Look into my eyes, Shepard. Tell me you want me, tell me you’d kill for me.”

A fleeting panic bolted through her spine just as Morinth’s sclera turned black and Shepard felt her mouth open as blinding white pain tore through her skull.

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

The Commander awoke to a cacophonous crack. The ringing it left behind drowned out all other noise as she tried unsuccessfully to push herself up off the floor. There was a crunching under her hands. Glass? Blinking, vision swimming, she became aware the atmosphere was churning, the air pressure changing rapidly and buffeting her. As her eyesight cleared, she could make out Samara’s red jumpsuit as the matron and the daughter traded biotic blows back and forth. Their yelling registered seconds later. 

“ENOUGH MORINTH!” Samara shrieked, unleashing a brutal volley of energy that slammed her child into the floor.

“I am the genetic destiny of the asari, Mother! But since they aren’t ready to reveal it, I must die? My only crime was being born with the gifts YOU gave me!” Morinth screamed back as she stood. 

Shepard tried again and managed to push herself onto her hands and knees. The two asari were locked in the same attack - creating a whirling, sucking biotic field that lifted pieces of the couch and spun them around the room.

Morinth looked down at Shepard, face pleading. “Please, I’m just as powerful as she is, let me join you!”

“Shepard! I am already pledged to you, let us finish this!” Samara cried.

The Commander’s addled brain was still playing catch up. The glass of the window was spidered, big chunks had dropped away from what looked like a bullet hole, sending glass spinning along with the asari’s biotic powers. Morinth had a suspicious gash across her cheek. Shepard blinked and stood. Her fingers searched reactively for the familiar pistol grip usually at her hip. Nothing. Old-fashioned way then. She staggered forward and grabbed the Ardat-Yakshi’s arm, wrenching it behind her back. 

“No!” Morinth’s wail of terror echoed through the room as Samara overpowered her and threw her to the ground.

“Find peace in the embrace of the Goddess,” Samara whispered before breaking her neck with a sickening crack. 

The two crewmates stood in silence, the Justicar dragging in heaving breaths. Glass and furniture littered the apartment. 

Samara crouched, her head hung over her daughter. “You may go, Shepard. I will take care of the body. Thank you for your help. When I have words again, I will speak with you.” Her voice was hollow, with no sign now of the power it had had just moments ago. 

Shepard nodded and stole out the front door.

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

Garrus trudged through the airlock behind Thane. They hadn’t spoken all the way back to the Normandy and remained silent through the decon cycle. Krios was probably remembering Shepard’s body convulsing under Morinth - same as he was. The sight through their rifle scopes had been alarming, so much so that the assassin had raised his rifle to take the shot. Thank the Spirits Samara had been right there to finish it.

The door cycled open, revealing Joker in his usual position. He spun his chair, eyes darting behind them and then between the two snipers. “Where’s Shepard?”

“She isn’t back yet?” Thane asked.

“I thought she’d be with you guys. I can’t get her on the com. Samara’s already back. Didn’t she want to take off tonight?” Joker’s brow furrowed.

Garrus balked. Her comm was off?

Thane turned to him. “You should go find her.”

But he was already back in the airlock, snapping his helmet on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gosh, really ramping up to the end here. Can't believe it went by so fast. I spent all year this year writing and editing this and it still feels like it's ending too fast. Well, still chugging away slowly at writing out our heroes antics through Me3 so more to look forward to. Thank you all for staying with me! I so so appreciate the kind words and kudos, even just the short little "I love it" messages just really keep me going guys. Thank you!


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be no update next Sunday or the one after for a little holiday break for the beta (@shepgarrus, go check her out on tumblr) and we can both play a little catch up and get this story into its best shape for you guys! Please stick with us, the story is complete, just going through lots of editing. Please enjoy this chapter as a little holiday present for you Shakarian lovers <3 (There is a little bit of sexual content preceded by asterisks and ended by asterisks*)

He moved through the relatively empty streets of the station’s night cycle as nonchalantly as possible. As much as he didn’t want any mercs on the station to realize Archangel was alive enough for revenge to be had, he didn’t want anyone to connect him and Garrus Vakarian even more. Bringing trouble to the Normandy wherever it went was the last thing he needed, so for his one stop on Omega since the Kima shootout - it was in his partially ruined Archangel gear. Quick strides brought him to the street in front of Afterlife. If anyone knew where Shepard was - nice and easy - it was Aria. She wouldn’t let a Spectre out of her sight. And with this armor, he might get in to see her. 

The elcor bouncer merely glanced at him from the corner of his eye as he walked in the front doors. Down the long corridor and out onto the main tiered dance floor, Garrus weaved through the tangle of bodies, head whipping about, searching for familiar red-orange fringe. Nothing. 

He approached one of Aria’s cronies. “Let her know Archangel is here to make a deal.” 

The turian guard shuffled on his feet as minutes went by. Finally he waved him up to Aria’s nest. The lackeys she had up here were fully decked out in the latest gear, a far cry better than the mix and match the hired help had on the lower floors. They stopped him just before the steps up to her loft. 

The Pirate Queen herself walked up to the edge of the stairs to peer down at him. “Oh, I wondered how long it would be before you came after her.”

“Where she is?” Garrus ground out. Spirits he didn’t want to play her games.

“It’s hard to keep the rumor perpetuated that you’re dead if you are walking around here. She is already high up on the Blue Suns shit list. Not too far behind on Eclipse’s either… you aren’t helping.” Aria crossed her arms.

The way she spoke sent an icy chill down his spine. “Is she safe?”

There was a long pause that creeped through his plates before Aria clicked her tongue. “Goddess, yes, she’s fine. Relax, lover boy. You’re lucky I still owe her for that info she sent me about the gangs.” She lifted a data pad and began scrolling through it. “She’s just downstairs, trying to piece her personality back together.” Aria stepped out of sight with a smirk.

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

She was right where Aria said she was. The lower level of the club was darker, the music a notch quieter, the deeds seedier, the alcohol stronger. Shepard had her head propped on her palm, resting across the counter with her back towards him. Damn. If he’d just checked Afterlife out before assuming the worst and going to Aria, he could have avoided that whole encounter. 

“Joker, I found her. Everything is fine. I imagine we will be delayed departing though,” Garrus rumbled into his com.

“Roger that, thanks for telling me Garrus,” the pilot responded.

He sighed and pulled his helmet off as he wove his way to his Commander. She didn’t even register him as he moved up behind her. 

Something was off. He leaned over her. “Shepard.”

A familiar flanging voice called her name. She glanced up into Garrus’s face before finishing whatever was in her glass. “Hmmm. Somehow I was expecting it to be Krios.” 

“Why?”

“Because, I figured the guilty party would be who showed up first.” She turned on her stool to face him.

“And how do you know that was Krios?” He asked.

“Her head didn’t explode,” Shepard smirked and tugged on the cowl of his armor to drag him forward in between her knees.

He let out a breath he didn't realize he’d been holding. “And here I thought I was going to get a reaming, instead I’m getting flirting. How much have you had to drink?”

Shepard laughed. “You were with him?”

“Yes. And I don’t blame him one bit, seeing what she did to you.” He bent to rest palms on either side of her elbows on the bar.

Shepard exhaled. “I can admit when I’m wrong. It’s good you both came. Thane was right to be that worried about Morinth.” Her expression shifted, darkening. She pulled away from him and curled in on herself. “I don’t even know how to describe it. Her manipulation and suggestion were so strong… you forget who you are. What you are doing… why you are doing it. Some small part of you realizes bad things are happening, but the other part of you desperately wants to let her kill you.”

Garrus bent to touch his head to hers. “Hearing you say that… is hard, Shepard.”

“I’m sorry. Sweet oblivion is tempting when you face the things we face.” She smiled sadly. “I shook it off though, right before you both interfered.” Shepard turned to place a lingering kiss on his good mandible.

“How did you manage that?” Movement caught his eye, and Garrus looked up to see the turian bartender wiping out glasses while side-eyeing them.

“When she touched me, it wasn’t three fingers…” she whispered into his hide.

Her words sent a shiver of elation and need straight to his soul. “Shepard, really, how much have you had?”

“You realize I could want you without alcohol, right? Come on, Mr. Confidence. This Cerberus liver even blasted through Hallex.” Shepard wrapped her arms around his muscular neck, exploring exposed skin with soft lips.

“She dosed you? Spirits, Shepard. It’s a miracle you’re alive,” he murmured into her hair.

She nodded and set her head on his shoulder. “She was Samara’s daughter.”

“What? She killed her own daughter…”

“It wasn’t her fault she was born as an Ardat-Yakshi. She didn’t want to be a prisoner. I can't blame her. How many people have I killed?” Her arms tightened around him. “I can still feel her inside my brain, whispering, promising. Garrus, help me forget?” Small fingers smoothed up his neck, tracing the plates protecting the back of his head, moving up to scratch under his fringe. 

Damn, he was far too easy. Revved up like an adolescent whenever she was involved. When he glanced up he caught the bartender doing a poor job of not staring. Again. Garrus looked at him, snaked out a long cobalt tongue, and laved the translucent skin of her neck. The needy noise she uttered made the bartender uncomfortable enough to look away. “As much as I want to do just that, I’m in full armor here, and we have a rather full audience. Let’s go back to the Normandy?”

Shepard glanced around, taking in the other bar patrons and the bodies crammed onto the dance floor. 

“Come on,” she grabbed his arm and pulled him up the stairs. 

They weaved through the crowd together, bass thumping and lights pulsing around them. Shepard dragged him up tiered steps to one of the end rooms bordering the dance floor. It was dark, and just big enough to house a booth and table with two free-floating chairs. She smacked the door control to close it behind them. 

“Garrus, see if you can’t lock that.” She circled the room once.

He flicked open his omni-tool while eyeing the ceiling. “She’s got to have cameras set up in these, you know.” The holo lock changed from green to red.

“It’s cute that you don’t think the Normandy is the same way. If we did anything there, it’d just be a private show for Tim. I’d rather Aria sit right there and watch us,” She pointed at the chair across the table. “Fair point.” “We’ll be fast, and there won't be all that much to see, anyway. Aria and a few of her goons can enjoy it for all I care.” Her smile was mischievous and wide, small white teeth glowing in the pulsing light of the room.

Garrus sighed. “Does anyone tell you no?” He pulled her into him, wrapping his arms around her.

“Oh sure. Sparatus does it all the time,” she smirked.

“I guess it takes the absolute bravest of us to become the turian Councilor.” He buried his head in the crook of her neck.

“Garrus.” She tugged at his hip guard and tried to wriggle out of his grip.

His chuckle was deep in his chest. “Shepard, turians aren’t well known for ‘the quickie’.” She gave him a deploring look, but he continued, undeterred. “Plates have to… shift out of the way.”

She ducked under his elbow and hopped up on the table. “I’ve been revved up for hours, a quickie is going to work.” She hooked a heel behind him and pulled him into her. “Wait… do you have any leftover antihistamines from Mordin?”

Damn. “No,” he sighed. “But he said it was a mild reaction. I’ll be fine.”

She gave him a skeptical look.

“Really, the Normandy isn’t that far away,” he rumbled.

“Shame you didn’t get an extra handful. Gloves off,” she commanded. 

He gave an amused flick of his mandible before complying. He’d had the same thought - but it's not like he realized on Tuchanka that this might become a regular occurrence.

Shepard exhaled a breath as he moved on to releasing seals. Her inability to hear his noises over the drumming music made her feel much more blind this go around then their encounter on Tuchanka. What had talking to him on the SR1 been like again? She’d been deaf to his emotions. As he wrestled with clasps, she pulled herself up into his neck. Lips and teeth explored while fingers gave the lightest touches behind a mandible, under fringe, across cowl.

A dual toned groan pushed her into overdrive. Shepard pulled one of his hands down under her dress to the junction of her thighs and he swept a finger pad along clothed folds. A hard shiver shot through her spine.

*

Her hand covered his, guiding him past her underwear. Shepard let out a wanton groan as a thumb pad rolled her clit, and Garrus felt his plates shift as he sank a knuckle into silky, hot depths. She raised her hips, sucking him in, and all that bluster about no quickies was immediately lost. Her nimble fingers dragged under his fringe at the same time her other hand worked a buckle on his under suit. 

“Shepard,” he growled. She yanked his cowl down and burned a trail with plush lips along the muscle under his bandage, sucking and tasting before flat teeth clamped down on his hide. Garrus gasped and snatched both her wrists away in alarm, struggling for breath. Spirits, that had unsheathed him. He wasn't just a bad turian,he was a terrible one.

“Garrus, please,” Shepard whispered desperately, trying to wriggle free of his grasp.

The look on his face wasn’t decipherable to her, but he dropped her wrists to tear through his waist guard and buckles in record speed. Suddenly she had hands at her hips - Garrus dragged her the last inch to the table lip and flipped her, and the surprised noise she made pulled a chuckle from him. To her credit though, Shepard never stayed phased. Two could play at that game.

She pushed herself backwards and found a welcome surprise she thought she would need to work harder for - he was more than ready to go. His length slid along her sex as she pushed her pelvis into him. She could barely touch the ground but used her toes for leverage to curl her back and glide him deliciously past her clit. He groaned a few curses that didn’t translate.

She twisted to smirk at him over her shoulder. “I thought quickies weren’t something you were known for?”

Garrus leaned down, pressing his keel armor into her back and pinned her arms to the table with his palms. “I was wrong,” he rumbled into her skin before snapping his hips forward to bury himself in pliant depths.

Shepard rasped his name and all her smugness evaporated to leave nothing but burning feverish need. It crawled like lightning through every muscle in her body and sent charged biotics across her flesh. God, he was a tight fit. She bit her lip as he ground her into the table. She tried wriggling her arms free of his grip and when that didn’t work, switched to curving her back to press into him harder, encouraging him to move.

What a sight she was, flaming hair splayed over her shoulders, bent over this table with his dick buried as deep as it could go in her trembling flesh. Garrus was enjoying her writhing, pumping shallowly. Until she changed tactics. 

Shepard stilled and turned her head to glance back at him, panting. “Garrus.”

Spirits, the broken, whimpering way she said his name.... He pulled his hands from her wrists and grabbed her hips to set a hurried pace. He was trying to focus on anything that wasn't their slick noises, or her gasping moans, or the terrifyingly glorious way she fluttered and clenched around him as he hilted on each thrust. Impossible to do. He wouldn’t last long at this rate. 

“Shepard,” he couldn’t push the word out past his clenched teeth. 

He bent forward to place a hand at their joining, slicking his length through his fingers, massaging her folds, searching for that hooded nub. He found it with a thumb pad and she cried out magnificently over thumping bass, the sound rushing him to the edge.

She got a knee up on the table and curled her back into his chest, wrapping arms around his neck while moving with him. Garrus snaked an arm across her middle, the other continuing his ministrations. Shepard came nearly instantly, every stretching stroke at this angle electric as he rolled her clit. The sweet release rippled biotics across her skin again and she came apart at the seams - gasping his name and thrashing against his armored keel. 

She dragged him with her, clenching muscles gripping him tightly. Garrus collapsed forward over her, propped on an arm, and slammed in, riding out his pulsing orgasm while grinding his hips into her inviting depths as she spasmed around him. The dual toned groan that sounded from his throat sent shivers down her spine. Not being able to hear his sub-vocals over the music really was a shame. One unconventional thank you was owed to Miranda for the gift of being able to hear them at all.

*

It was a few minutes of stillness and heavy breathing as Garrus tried to gather the pieces of his dignity and coherent thought back together. He could not tear his eyes away from Shepard, arms curled under her chest and eyes closed in contentment. He bent forward again to bury his face in her neck and breathe her in. She giggled. _Giggled_. No matter what she said later, that was a special laugh, just for him. That now familiar tightening in his keel followed. 

“Why do you do that?” She murmured.

“Do what?” Damn, did he always sound stupid?

“You smell me a lot. You even did it twice back on the SR1.”

He considered for a second. “Maybe it's a turian thing. You smell like you, it’s… familiar.” He paused, then continued quietly, “It says you are real and you are here - proves that I’m not dreaming or hallucinating.”

Shepard turned to glimpse his face but whatever expression was there wasn’t readable.

“Come on, let's get out of here before we get thrown out,” Garrus rumbled.

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

“Commander.” EDI’s unwelcome timbre dragged her from a fitful, half realized dream.

“EDI, I’ve been asleep for,” she squinted into the blinding light of her omni-tool. “Fucking hell, only two hours? Really?”

“I apologize, but we are receiving a high priority transmission from Arcturus Station,” the A.I. replied. “I am forwarding it to your personal console.”

Shit. _Shit!_

The soldier threw her sheets off and scrambled through piles of clothing on the floor, desperately looking for something to throw on that wasn’t covered in Cerberus's overused logo. Ah. Hoodie. She tugged it on and ran up the stairs, nearly falling into her desk chair to smack the com on.

Admiral Hackett’s grizzled, silvered face lit up the monitor. Years of practice in hiding her shock did her some good in this instance at least.

“Commander. Thank you for your time,” he spoke gruffly, arms folded over his Alliance dress uniform.

 _Fuck._ The Alliance wanting to talk? Now?Cold dread creeped along her stomach.

“I’ll keep this brief. We have a deep cover operative in batarian space. Her name is Dr. Amanda Kenson. She recently reported evidence of an imminent Reaper invasion.” Hackett shifted to sit up straighter.

 _What the entire fuck._ Shepard stood and paced her office area once. Ha! What size balls would Hackett have to possess to come asking for help now!? She turned to face the screen again, crossing her arms. “So why call me,” she spat. “I’m just a misinformed geth alarmist.”

Hackett sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose. “Look, I know what you are thinking, Commander -”

“Oh, do you? You know I’m thinking of cutting this off right here, right now? The Alliance has a lot of nerve to discredit and try to arrest a Council Spectre and then come crawling to her when they need her most! Go get your precious Alenko.” Shepard let loose a bark of sardonic laughter.

Hackett took off his cap and leaned back in his chair to rub a hand through his thinning hair. “I know what they said about you, Commander. Not all of us agreed with the way they framed Sovereign. Quite a few of us, upper echelon included, believe you. Who do you think sent Dr. Kenson into this mess? And why would I do it if I didn’t believe you, Shepard? I’m sorry you’ve gotten the raw side of the Alliance stick. It wouldn’t have happened if I’d had a say. And as far as the Lieutenant is concerned,” he smirked, the skin pulling tight around the massive scar that ran over one cheek and across his nose. “He isn’t an N7. And he sure as hell isn’t you. This will require the Butcher’s resolve and Commander Shepard’s… discrete skills.” The Admiral steepled his fingers.

Shepard paced the office again, chewing on the inside of her cheek. Shit. Shit shit shit. She should hang up on him. She could feel the dog tags Liara had given to her, hanging about her neck and tucked down into her bra. Shit. 

Against her better judgement, she whirled around to face him again. “Flattery will apparently get you everywhere, Hackett. What’s the job.”

“Just this morning I received word that the batarians arrested her. They are holding her in a secret outpost on terrorism charges. I need you to infiltrate the prison and get her out of there as soon as possible. As a favor to me, I’m asking you to go in alone. We can’t risk a diplomatic incident. Quiet is the only chance we have.” The Admiral fixed his hat back to his head and leaned into the monitor again.

“What’s she really doing out there?” Shepard drummed her fingers on her arm.

“She’s a deep cover operative, Shepard. We only speak when absolutely necessary. Her last report said she was investigating rumors of a Reaper artifact.”

“Fuck,” she muttered.

Hackett nodded. “Yeah, same sentiment here. Dr. Kenson was the only one with the knowledge base and skill who was up to the task. She and I go way back, Shepard. I’m not going to leave her to be tortured and rot in a prison cell.”

She scoffed. “Must be some proof she’s got out there for you to crawl to me.”

“I’ve known her a long time. If she found that artifact and tells me she thinks the Reapers are invading, that is all the proof I need. Plus, it’ll clear your name, so that makes you the perfect candidate for this job. Someone with a personal stake.”

She shouldn’t. “Fine. I’ll do it.” 

Damn traitorous mouth.

“Go in with the utmost discretion, or don’t go in at all, Commander.” Hackett slid his chair back from the screen and stood. “The prison is hidden underground at a batarian outpost on Aratoht. I’ll forward the coordinates now. Once she is secure, confirm her discovery. You are the best authority after all. Once you’re back, we will meet you for debrief and transport arrangements for Kenson. Hackett out.” The screen winked out, plunging her quarters into darkness, the soft glow of the fish tank all that was left.

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

Shepard stood tall and still behind the co-pilot’s chair as the planet came onto the view screen. Her armor had been meticulously scrubbed and coated freshly with a matte black ceramic, not even the white and red N7 stripe remained. Joker kept glancing at her out of the corner of his eye. Her long wild hair had been french-braided neatly down the middle of her head, like a mohawk. The steely expression on her face spoke volumes.

“It was an Alliance call, wasn’t it?” he whispered.

Shepard snapped sharp eyes towards him. “I have no idea what you are talking about, Flight Lieutenant.”

“Oh, come on, coordinates with no objective, matte paint, the angry look on your face? Alliance all the way. You can’t kid a kidder, Shep,” he spoke with uncharacteristic quietness.

“We’re cloaked, correct? Everything looks good?” she barked.

“Yes, Commander.”

She took one step and leaned over his chair. “I updated my will. It’s encrypted on my personal terminal.” She breathed quietly near his ear. “Whatever happens, the crew’s lives take priority over my own. You know that. If I say bug out, you do it. If you don’t hear from me, you bug out. Once I’m off, take her out into the black, a few systems over. I will have strict radio silence, you won't be able to contact me. Set your watch for 72 hours. If I don’t come back…” she paused. “Miri becomes the de facto leader and the mission moves on. The rest won’t want to follow her, but they will follow Garrus. He might need to stand up and take the roll from her. Let him know that’s what I hope he’ll do. I’ve trained you all well. You know what to do. Prepare to release the shuttle.” She stood and swung around to face the CIC.

The distressed look he gave her as he grabbed her hand made her turn back with a smile and pull his cap down over his face. “Don’t give me that face Jeff, I’ll be back before you know it.”

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

It was the quiet engines that set him off first. Garrus crawled out from under the Thannix and closed the service panel he’d been working inside. He blinked, trying to recall when they’d last been moving… perhaps a day? Hm. Odd, and no one had been called for ground work? He traipsed outside the battery to the mess hall. A few odd shift crewmen were eating and flitting back and forth from the crew quarters. He could see Dr. Chakwas typing at her console. Nothing seemed amiss, yet there was a restless dread wanting to crawl up his carapace.

He hit his com. “Everything okay down there, Tali?”

“Uh, yeah? I think so. Why, is something going on with the cannon?” The quarian answered.

“No. Nevermind, don’t worry about it.”

“If you are wondering why we’re stopped, I imagine it has to do with why the shuttle has been gone since last cycle,” she said matter-of-factly.

He sucked in a breath as his insides filled with anxiety. “EDI, where’s Shepard?”

“Commander Shepard is not on the Normandy.” The AI’s calmness felt like a grinder on his plates.

“Where is she?”

“That information is classified, Operative Vakarian.” 

Classified? Suddenly there was a reek of Alliance on their ship. Memories of his time on the SR1 were flashing through his skull. “Are all ground team members otherwise accounted for?”

“Yes.”

“Spirits.” She’d left somewhere by herself.

“Garrus? She’s gone isn’t she?” Tali called over his headset. Damn, he didn’t realize he’d left the channel open. 

“EDI confirmed she isn't on the ship and everyone else is here. She took that shuttle alone.”

Twenty four hours later and Garrus felt like every bone in his body was vibrating. He had originally decided to be calm - after all, she was a perfectly capable soldier and that was an understatement: She was one of the best. Then he tried to keep busy, but after many equations and a disastrous attempt to sleep in his addiction stomping grounds, he abandoned the main battery for his own good. The pull for a narcotic had made him consider if Chakwas would notice a bit of her stash was gone. That wasn’t him.

He had to get out.

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

Joker leaned forward and tore his hat off in agitation. She’d lied. She never lied. It certainly wasn’t “before he knew it” in fact, it was _way_ after he knew it. The shuttle missing from the bay had been a glaringly obvious hole from the very second she left in it, so naturally every single person from the ground team had been up in his face asking questions he didn’t know the answers to. Joker couldn’t decide who had been worse, Jack or Miranda.

“I’m operating under the Commander’s orders, Lawson. If you have a problem with that, you can take it up with her when she gets back. Last I checked, even the XO can’t override the COs word,” Joker said for the umpteenth time.

“EDI!” Miranda called in exasperation.

“I have told you all that I know, Operative Lawson. The Commander received an encrypted call and set course for these coordinates. We are to await further instructions from Commander Shepard, and if we do not hear from her in the next 48 hours, command of the Normandy will transfer to you.” EDI responded with a tone that smacked of annoyance. Joker was beginning to like the AI.

“Well, how are we coming on the IFF at least?” Miranda huffed.

Joker pulled up readouts on his console. “Just about hooked up and ready to go.”

EDI piped up again. “That is not entirely accurate, Mr. Moreau. I’ve had the device powered for some time, performing diagnostics. It is still causing instability in certain systems.”

Miranda ran a hand over her dark hair. “We’ve been running full scans for weeks. EDI, at some point we may need to accept that we can never be one hundred percent sure.” “I’m a hundred percent sure this is _bullshit_ ,” Jack bit out from the corner of the cockpit where she stood in shadow, arms crossed. “Here we go again,” Joker murmured under his breath. The XO whirled on the biotic. “No one gives a damn about your opinions,” she spat. “I know how much you care about her, cheerleader.” Jack jumped up and stuck a finger in Miranda’s face. “Not a god damned bit! Joker, turn this piece of shit around and let me go after her!” The pilot let out a weary sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose. “What the hell is wrong with you people!? She is alone down there! RIGHT NOW! Taking it in the ass from a bunch of batarian scumbags - so who the fuck cares what orders she gave, this isn’t the Alliance!” Jack howled, a crackle of biotics rippling across her skin. “This might not be an Alliance ship but I promise you I’m the XO for a reason, Zero.” Miranda said warningly, her tone low. She let a wave of her own powers wash over her.

“Both of you can shut the fuck up and leave me alone. I’m more scared of Shepard than either of you, so we are staying parked right here. Go kill each other in the cargo bay,” Joker snapped loudly, his voice echoing off the metal hull. God, yelling really wasn’t his thing. At least it shut them both up. For a little bit. 

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

Hours later, Joker decided that he was wrong. Jack’s blow up and Miranda’s ritual hissy fits at being parked weren’t the most annoying thing. That award was going to Garrus, who every freaking hour or so found his way up to the bridge to pace around or sit in the co-pilot's seat.

“Still no word?” His voice reverberated in the small area.

“Nope,” Joker sighed. 

Garrus glanced at him. “You look terrible, Joker. You should get some sleep, I don’t mind monitoring the coms for a while. Not that it's even really necessary with EDI around.”

Joker stretched and leaned back. “Are you kidding, this chair is amazing. I never have to leave.”

“Isn’t that what started this whole mess?” He winced internally at his own tone of voice as Joker went rigid, fingers gripping his arm rests. “Sorry, my agitation isn’t with you.”

“Garrus, we’re bros and all but I can’t watch porn with you up here. Zaeed and the rest are getting Tali drunk and playing some Skyllian, go distract yourself.”

Garrus clucked his tongue. “How exactly do I enjoy a round of Skyllian with even a suspicion that Shepard is dead somewhere? Again.”

“Well, fine. You can watch porn with me while we both suspect Shepard is dead. Again.” Joker pulled up the screen on his control panel.

“Alright, alright I get it,” Garrus grumbled before leaving.

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

At ten hours to go, half the ground team was crammed in behind his chair, arguing. Tali, Jack, Zaeed, Kasumi, Jacob and Grunt were all talking over one another, while Legion stood off to the side in the gangway. Jack's voice bellowed over them all. “She left alone, Joker! You need to take us back to wherever she got off this pile of junk and let us go after her! We can’t just leave her corpse on some shitty batarian world!”

Miranda stamped through the crowd and whistled loudly. Once the din quieted, she spoke. “We all want to know where the Commander is, but standing up here trying to bully Joker into disobeying her orders isn’t becoming of us.” She sighed and folded her arms. “Everyone suit up and meet in the cargo bay in an hour. That’s an order.” The XO strode off as quick as she’d come. There was some grumbling as the ground team members filed back out to the CIC, especially from Jack. 

It took some time, but Miranda managed to get the entire ground team planet side on a habitable planet in the local system - with just the Hammerhead. And finally he could breathe in utter silence. Joker sat, anxiety building in his gut at every hour that ticked by. Monitoring nothing but static over the com channels was setting every nerve in his body on edge. Now and then he’d try to get some fitful shut eye or flip over to the ground team’s coms to check in. Listening to Jack push all of Miranda’s buttons was entertaining, at least. 

EDI spoke up. “Mr. Moreau I’m still monitoring increasing activity from the IFF.” What was this? About the 500th update?

“I’m telling you EDI, your readings are off, it’s just radiation bleed, white noise.” Joker tapped away some warnings she’d popped up on his console again. 

“I am detecting a signal embedded in the static, we are transmitting the Normandy’s location!” EDI interrupted urgently.

“What?! To who?” Joker pulled the AIs warnings back up to sift through the data. Proximity alarms began blaring through the cockpit as a ship outline appeared on RADAR. The pilot craned his head up through the viewport. The terrifyingly familiar silhouette of the Collector ship was blocking the light from the sun in the system, a large black mass haloed by the sun’s rays. The Collectors had warped in right on top of them.

“SHIT! We are getting out of here!” the pilot yelled, frantically pulling up the ship's controls and typing in coordinates.

EDIs voice was far too calm, as usual. “There is a virus in the ship’s computer, taking over systems. Propulsion systems are disabled.”

“From the IFF? Shit, we scrubbed it over and over!” The SR2 jolted as the Collector vessel docked onto them. Joker looked over his shoulder to see the crewmen running to and fro, arming themselves from the armory. Their boots stomped loudly on the metallic floors. 

“Primary defense systems are down, but we can still save the Normandy, Mr. Moreau. If you help me.” EDI spoke quickly. The ship jolted twice more as the Collectors likely bullied their way through the cargo bay doors. Joker craned his head towards the CIC. The crewmen were lined up, weapons at the ready, facing the lift.

“Mr. Moreau! Give me the ship,” EDI intoned sternly.

“What? Are you crazy?!” Joker yelped. “If you start singing Daisy Bell I’m done!” He bent to pull his rifle out from under his chair and assembled it with practiced speed.

“Unlock my sealed databases and I can initiate countermeasures. The maintenance shaft in the science lab will provide passage to the crew deck. Main corridors are no longer safe. The Collectors have boarded.”

“Fuck!” Joker slammed a thermal clip into the gun and stood, limping as quickly as his bowed back and brittle legs would allow down the gangway into the CIC. He passed by the galaxy map, muttering curses under his breath, and into Mordin’s lab as the lift dinged. The lab’s doors closed behind him just as the shooting and screaming started. There was an inhuman screech that pulsed loudly through the room even with the door closed. Joker gingerly put his feet on the rungs of the ladder down to the AI core, but a dark shape dragged his gaze to the window that overlooked the engine room. It was one of those huge things Shepard had fought on Horizon. 

“Holy Fuck EDI!” He closed his eyes against the creature and moved carefully down the small chute. Screams and howling echoed through the maintenance shaft. He dropped out the bottom, cursing his useless body as he hit the ground in life support. 

Hawthorn was standing inside the door reloading his weapon. “Joker?! Those things are crawling all over this deck!” 

“I know, but I’ve got to get to the AI core!” Joker said as commandingly as he could. 

The man nodded. “I’ll get you there Sir. Stay close.” The crewman ran out ahead of him and rounded the corner towards the lift. 

As Joker came around behind him, Chamber’s screaming echoed through the crew deck. Around Hawthorn he could see a Collector dragging her by the hair into the lift.

“Go Joker!” Hawthorn pushed him along past the doors and towards the med bay. A grotesque scion lumbered around the other side of the lift wall and stuck a clawed hand straight through the crewman’s shoulder. The man wailed miserably and the pilot could hear him emptying a clip into the creature as he reached the med bay doors. 

EDI sounded harried. “Main fusion plant offline. Activating emergency H fuel cells.”

Joker was murmuring to himself. “What the fuck is happening. This is shit I watch Shepard kill from the safety of her body cams, not shit I have to face down myself!” He stumbled across the clinic and passed through the AI core doors. “Okay EDI, I’m uh… at you. What do I do?”

“Connect the core to the Normandy’s control module,” she replied.

Joker pulled the panel off the main console and painfully bent to pull the main electrical harness apart. “Great, see this is where it all starts, and when we are all just organic batteries, they’ll all blame me. ‘This is all Joker’s fault, what a tool he was. I have to spend all day computing pi because he plugged in the Overlord!’” He finished re-arranging the cables and clipped in the last one. EDI’s orb blinked out in a flash of static.

“EDI?” He called as he pulled himself to stand.

“I have access to the defensive systems. Thank you Mr. Moreau. Now you must reactivate the primary drive in engineering,” the AI said.

“Agh, you want me to go crawling through the ducts again?” He limped over and jiggled open the hatch on the room's maintenance shaft. 

“I enjoy the sight of humans on their knees,” EDI said dryly. When Joker furrowed his brow in alarm she continued. “That was a joke.”

He shook his head and lowered himself carefully down the ladder. “This is insane.” The screaming of crewmen and the alien noises the Collectors made were beginning to quiet as he pulled himself through the ducts. He kicked out a panel and crawled out of an opening that deposited him in Jack’s hidey-hole under engineering. 

“Hostiles are still active on the engineering deck. Proceed with caution, Mr Moreau.” The AIs voice echoed over the coms. 

He crouched at the bottom of the stairs as a group of drones carted two pods by - Donnelly and Daniels, most likely. Joker closed his eyes. “Fuck, this isn’t happening.”

As soon as the aliens passed he crawled slowly up the stairs and turned left through the engineering doors. He peeked around the corner; nothing in sight. Joker moved up to Tali’s console and began tapping on the haptic interface. 

“Activate the drive and I will open all air locks to vent atmosphere as we accelerate. All hostiles will be killed.” EDI spoke.

“What?! What about the crew?” Joker yelped.

“They are gone Jeff. The Collectors took them.” EDI’s tone was tinged with remorse. 

Joker paused in his typing. “Shit,” he sighed, hanging his head.

“I am sealing engineering. I have control.” The Normandy jolted hard as it tore bodily from the Collector vessel, probably tearing through whatever gangway the Collectors had crafted between them. Joker was thrown to the ground as they accelerated to light speed. Minutes passed as he laid there blinking away his swimming vision. “Purge is complete. No other life forms aboard. Closing air locks,” EDI said quietly.

Joker’s vision was beginning to clear, but his heart was still palpitating. He lifted his arms; good, they were okay at least. He rubbed the heel of his hands gently into his eyes and took a few deep breaths before lifting his head from the floor. Oh, thank god, his neck wasn’t broken. He rolled to his stomach and shakily picked himself up. A rib was definitely broken though, he gasped out and wrapped an arm around his injured side. Once he was standing he gingerly probed the back of his head. He sucked in a pained breath. Fractured skull? Probably.

“Jeff, do you require medical attention?” EDI inquired.

“Yeah, but I’m assuming Chakwas is gone.” He closed his eyes against the reality of those words. God, the Doctor. Gone because of him. 

EDI didn’t answer immediately, hesitating. “Yes, Karin Chakwas is no longer aboard the Normandy.”

Joker hobbled slowly from engineering. Guns and heat sinks littered the halls as he made his way back up to the cockpit, accompanied by the occasional smear of blue goo and red blood. He dropped into his chair, hands over his face. “Has there been anything from Shepard?”

“No, Jeff. I’m sorry.” EDI’s glowing orb popped up near his elbow.

He sighed, wiping his eyes. “Can you radio Miranda?”

“I already have. We will need to proceed back to the planet to pick up the Hammerhead.”

“Fuck. Does the Collector ship show up on long range scans?”

“It does not. The ship has warped out of the system.”

Joker nodded and brought up helm controls.

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

Miranda stormed into the med bay first. “You lost _all_ of them!? Every single crewman and damn near lost the ship!?” 

Tali was right on her heels. “Calm down Miranda, Joker saved the Normandy. It’s not his fault. None of us caught it.” She moved over and put a hand on his shoulder.

Miranda crossed her arms angrily as Jacob and Mordin came in next. The salarian went straight to scanning the pilot.

“Are you alright Joker?” Tali asked.

Mordin closed his omni-scanner and moved over to dig through drawers. “Basal closed skull fracture present, along with thoracic trauma of seventh rib on left side. Will administer pain medication and begin repair.”

“I’m alright. EDI and I purged the systems, the IFF is online and ready to go now.” The pilot fiddled with the hat he was holding. Mordin came back over to begin mending fractures.

“Don’t even get me started on unshackling a damned AI,” Miranda huffed and pinched the bridge of her nose.

“And what was I supposed to do against Collectors? Huh? Break my arm at them? EDI cleared the ship. She’s alright.” Joker tried to rein in his anger.

“I assure you, Operative Lawson, I am still bound by protocols in my programming. Even if I were not, you are my crew mates,” EDI defended herself.

“Besides, whose bright idea was it to take every fighter we have planet side, anyway,” Joker grumbled.

“Say that again Moreau?!” Miranda’s voice rose.

“Lay off Miranda. If EDI wanted to kill us all she’s had plenty of opportunity to do it already,” Jacob’s calm timbre cut over her.

The door opened and Garrus jogged through. “Joker, are you okay?”

The pilot waved a hand and nodded.

“Long range coms are picking up a signal. Relaying,” EDI piped up.

A garbled voice came over the com. “No...day, come in. C… ormandy! ...LEASE, JEFF!” 

_It was Shepard_! A very distressed Shepard, but it was her! Everyone in the clinic looked at one another for a split second before Garrus tore out of the room ahead of a limping Joker.

Joker hit his chair in record time despite his injuries and Vroliks, clutching his side as he fumbled over the controls. “Come in, Shepard? We hear you! EDI can you clear this up?”

“Acknowledged,” the AI said.

“Shepard, come in!” He glanced at Garrus, who was bent over the co-pilot's chair to read the communications pop up.

“Jeff! Oh thank god!” She sobbed. “EDI do you have a lock on my coordinates?”

“Yes, Commander.” 

“Jeff, fly like the wind,” her words were frantic as the signal dropped. 

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

“EDI? Are you serious?!” Joker leaned into the controls, frantically scrolling through calculations while steering with the other hand.

“Yes, calculating the asteroid's rate of speed and trajectory, it was originally the coordinates she gave. Shepard is on the asteroid. Collision imminent with the mass relay in three minutes. Scans show there is a facility located on it, with a shielded landing area on the surface.”

“Right, that’s probably where she’ll be,” Garrus muttered and craned to look up at the asteroid’s rocky surface from the view port. The relay was enormous this close - its blue light blinding, lighting up the cockpit and glaring off the hurtling asteroid. 

“Her comms must be down, I can’t raise her,” The pilot said agitatedly.

“There she is!” Garrus pointed to a small black dot at the very edge of a landing pad. “If you nose us up there, she can make the jump to the airlock.”

Joker nodded and looked back down as Garrus punched the airlock controls and snapped his helmet down. As soon as depressurization completed, he cycled the outside doors open as Joker swung them down to her position. Shepard was laying with one leg out beside her, but pushed herself to her feet as they neared. She hobbled to the edge of the landing pad and threw herself at the ship with what little momentum she built, arms out towards Garrus. He stretched out the door and just barely caught her bicep. 

The sniper dragged her up into his chest and wrapped his long arms securely around her back. “I’ve got her, go Joker!” The Normandy spun and blasted away from the asteroid so quickly that the inertial dampeners couldn't keep up. Shepard and Garrus were crushed into the bulkhead. As the airlock re-pressurized, her haggard breathing where her head rested on his keel was the only sound. As soon as the ship's trajectory allowed, she stood and snatched her helmet off, dropping it loudly onto the floor. She smacked the release, interrupting the decontamination cycle and turning on a multitude of screaming alarms as the door slid back. 

Shepard shot out into the cockpit, holding herself steady on one leg with the back of Joker’s chair. “Can you make it?” She said hoarsely.

“I didn’t become your get-away driver for nothing Commander, already calculating,” the pilot answered. Sure enough, mere moments later the relay grabbed the Normandy and accelerated them away. 

Shepard hobbled to the slowly spinning galaxy map with Garrus right behind her. The Commander pushed unceremoniously past both Thane and Tali to call up the Bahak system. They watched the blue dot of the relay wink out, followed seconds later by the orange dots of the system’s planets disappearing. Shepard’s knees buckled and she let go of the handrail to sink to the floor, retching up a pathetic bit of bile. Tali bent to put a hand on her back.

“Let’s get you to the med bay, Shepard,” Garrus’s reassuring dual tones enveloped her as he lifted her.

She wrapped her arms around him and buried her face into his neck. So it was only him who heard her desperate whisper.

“What have I done, Garrus.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading as always everyone, Please bear with us over this little break. Hopefully a little smut will get ya'll through the holidays, lol.  
> Here's a link to the spotify Shakarian playlist for those who were still looking for it:  
> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4z2yGLVlUMHHi2GdXGTa92?si=EyxAMZx4Rpeo-hibOMua3A
> 
> Thank you thank you thank you everyone for the kudos and comments, ya'll have been the bright spot in this shite year. <3


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back everyone! I hope ya'll had a good holiday and a happy new year, and if not, I hope this story brings you a little light in the dark. I'm so glad you've stuck with me this far! Here's to a great 2021!

“Spirits, Shepard,” he murmured as she stripped off her under armor weave and the tank top underneath - she was covered in scalpel cuts, angry purple bruises, and her knuckles were a mess of blood. Mordin set to work immediately, calibrating the tissue regenerator and passing it across her skin as she gingerly hopped up onto the bed.

“It’s not as bad as it looks, the only real issue is the blown out knee. Took a fully armored boot right to it.” Sure enough, the swelling and redness around the joint couldn't hide its awkward turned-out angle. At the corner of her eye, Mordin opened his mouth. “I know what you’re gonna ask, and no, I don’t know what all they did. Kenson sedated me for nearly two days. It’s only thanks to my Cerberus metabolism that I got up at all.” She picked up the datapad Tali had given her earlier to continue typing furiously. 

Miranda clucked her tongue and flicked open her tool. “Full body scan it is. I swear to god, if the damned Alliance scrambled any of my hard work here-”

“For the last time they were indoctrinated, Miri. The whole goddamn station was.” She looked up at Tali. “After all that shit with Sovereign - how many reports did I write that the Reaper tech needed to be shielded? All of it, even the smallest bit?!”

“Shepard, hold still,” Mordin interrupted sternly. She complied, and he resumed his work.

“Where did you guys say Chakwas was?” Shepard shifted. Mordin glared at her and poked a finger a little too hard into bruised ribs. She hissed in a breath. “Not that you aren’t brilliant, Professor.”

The room went quiet. On the bed across from her, Joker glanced at Garrus and Tali before speaking. “That’s because we didn’t say where she was.”

Miranda snapped her tool closed and exhaled. “There’s no point in beating around the bush. The crew was abducted, Shepard.” 

The Commander blinked once before jumping to her feet, and then promptly hit the ground with a cry of pain when her knee didn’t hold her. “What the fuck?!” she screeched.

Garrus and Mordin each grabbed an arm and hauled her back up onto the bed. Her sniper’s subvocals had settled into a calming, pulsing hum the minute he’d carried her in here. It was now rubbing her nerves raw. “Garrus, please, whatever you are doing, turn it off, would you?” she snapped.

The noise immediately stuttered to a stop, and he pulled his mandible in tight.

“What the fuck happened, where are they, and by who?!” Shepard rubbed her knee, looking first at Joker then Miranda.

“The ground team was nearly in full mutiny mode, demanding we set out to look for you, so I took everyone planetside to run drills together and work on tactical cohesion as a group. While we were gone, EDI was running operational trials on the IFF when she detected a signal from the Reaper code which was actively transmitting the Normandy’s location.” Miranda sighed. “The Collector ship showed up. They boarded us and made off with all the crewmen but Joker.”

Shepard turned to the pilot with a horrified look. Joker shrugged. “Really, it was EDI that saved me and the Normandy. She cleared the ship.” 

“You were all here with no protection when the Collectors came,” Shepard murmured. “God, Jeff, I’m sorry.”

EDI interrupted. “Commander, there’s an incoming transmission from the Alliance.”

Shepard sighed. “Thanks, EDI. And thanks for not killing us all, and for saving Joker. I owe you.”

The AI took a moment to seemingly contemplate before responding. “You are welcome, Shepard. As I told Operative Lawson, you are my crewmates. It is not my wish to betray you.”

The soldier nodded. “Alright, I can’t walk EDI, so forward the coms to the med bay.”

“Commander Shepard?” a stern male voice came over the speakers in the room.

“Yes.”

“Alliance vessel SSV William Tell requesting permission to dock with the SSV Normandy. Forwarding coordinates.”

“Roger. Setting you up with my pilot to get you our ETA.” She nodded at Joker, who stood and hobbled out of the med bay. The com clicked off, and she turned to the Professor. “Mordin, what do you think about this knee? What’s the time frame?”

He flicked on his scanner again, finger rubbing across his wrinkled chin. “Sedation necessary. Can rebuild it - Miss Lawson and I both? A few hours.”

“Do it. The Collectors have accelerated our timeline through the relay. EDI, call everyone on the ground team in here, please.”

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

Tali handed her a pair of black sweats and her N7 hoodie. “Thanks,” Shepard murmured as she tugged them on. She hopped back around the bed towards her ground team, who quieted as she came to a stop before them. “Joker, what’s our time to the William Tell?”

“Four hours, Commander,” he answered over the com.

She exhaled loudly and rubbed a hand over her face. “Okay. You all already know more than you should here, but I’m not going to get too into specifics in the hopes of not taking all of you down with me. So, long story short, it was me who set that asteroid into motion.”

Everyone in the room knew well enough not to gasp. Jack was pacing back and forth, Samara stood rigidly. Jacob was shifting his weight from foot to foot. Garrus was leaning against the back wall with Zaeed and Grunt on either side of him. Zaeed was looking uncomfortably between her and Samara. The Justicar’s presence alone was causing a bead of sweat to roll down the back of the Commander’s neck too. The asari’s stony countenance didn’t move an iota as she stared her down. 

She continued. “On that station there was indisputable proof that the Reapers are hitting our system. NOW. That relay was considered the alpha relay, with a direct shot to the Citadel. I even spoke with Harbinger. Again.” Shepard dug two fingers into her temple. “So, I sent that asteroid on a collision course right before they came through.” She looked directly at Samara. “I am quite aware of the 300,000 deaths on my hands. I tried to get a message out to the batarians to begin evacuation, but I was stopped. I felt, and still feel, that despite the high toll, this is what I had to do to prevent the beginning of a galaxy wide extermination campaign. I destroyed the only proof I had, so the only thing you can do is judge me by my character. I’m sorry to put you in that position, Samara. I will accept whatever you decide - after we deal with the Collectors.” 

Shepard leaned back on the bed and looked at her team - her friends. Thane was directly at her elbow, his face tipped down toward her, radiating calm. Kasumi’s eyes were hidden by her hood, but a smirk played on her lips. Grunt smacked a fist into his palm. Legion was raising his light shutters quizzically, Miranda was full of grim determination, one hand on her hip. 

“We are enroute to an Alliance ship. I suspect I am about to be court marshalled. If the batarians find out the Butcher just wiped out one of their colonies… well. You all know where that is gonna lead. But I will not abandon our crew to whatever fate the Collectors have cooked up for them. I will not go quietly, I may have to add treason to my list of recent misdeeds, but I will not allow myself or us to be detained now. We are going through that relay, and we are getting our people back. You all have roughly eighteen hours until the jump to get your affairs in order and contact loved ones. Ground team dismissed.”

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

The Commander stood up from the bed, careful to keep her weight off her knee, and saluted as straight as she could tolerate. She reigned in the shock that tempted her mouth to hang open at the sight of Admiral Hackett in the flesh, tall and foreboding in the med bay with her. She shouldn't have been surprised that he would come though. What a fucking mess. 

The man saluted back and stepped closer. “Commander. Glad to see you alive, and it looks like you are recovering well. Must have been a real mess down there.” He looked a lot older than he had in the vid message they’d had before Bahak.

“I wasn’t expecting you here.” Shepard sat back on the bed to stretch out her newly recovered knee.

He sighed. “I sent you out there as a favor to me. I hadn’t planned to come in person either, but that was before the mass relay exploded and took out an entire Batarian system. What the hell happened down there?” His voice dropped as he spoke, becoming darker and deeper. 

“Have you received any intel yet?” Shepard adopted his tone to mirror it back. Like hell she’d let him think he could intimidate her. Though, It was probably foolish to probe him for information; even if he had heard anything he wouldn't be so careless as to reveal his contacts. But it’d be nice to have some idea if the Alliance was watching her as hard as she suspected.

“All I know is I sent you in there for Dr. Kenson and only you zipped out just before the mass relay went nova. I’m assuming you can fill in the leap of logic there.” Hackett folded his hands behind his back and leaned over her, blocking the overhead light.

Not one to be cowed, she straightened. “I verified Kenson’s proof. She was right, the Reapers are coming. She had been indoctrinated from an unshielded piece of Reaper tech - everyone on the asteroid station was. Kenson sedated me for two days against my will. She was no longer willing to stop the invasion before the timer ran out, but I woke up, and I sure as hell stopped it. I tried to get a message out to the batarians, but she interfered. I did have some footage from my suit cam before I was knocked out, but after I recovered my armor, I found that they had damaged my hard suit and stripped the footage.” Shepard pushed her datapad into the Admiral’s chest, forcing him to take a step back away from her. “There’s my report. I did what I had to do.”

He grabbed the pad. “So Amanda was indoctrinated… God, what a shame.” He turned his back to her to pace a few steps. “And you believe the Reaper invasion was really a threat?”

“Absolutely. She’d been receiving intel from the fragment for who knows how long. Her team had come up with calculations based on that information to countdown until the Reaper’s arrival. They had a big clock in the middle of the station and everything. I stopped it with minutes to spare, Admiral.” She looked down at her hands and continued in a murmur. “I even spoke with Harbinger, the bigger, badder brother of Sovereign. We aren’t anywhere _near_ ready to combat them, sir.”

He turned back toward her. “I’m sure it’s all in the report,” he said, holding up the pad. “I won’t lie to you, Shepard, this is bad. If what you are saying is true, we absolutely cannot afford a war with the batarians - not with the Reapers on the galaxy's edge. The batarians will want blood, and there is just enough evidence for a witch hunt. They’ve been looking for an excuse to wage war on us since we poked our ugly heads into the galaxy scape. They know there was a human ship here, and whispers left the prison. Luckily you did a stellar job sabotaging the surveillance there, so there’s been no physical proof yet. But once word gets out, that it wasn’t just a human, but _you_ ,” he shook his head.

“What are you saying exactly, Hackett?” Shepard felt icy fingers drum down her spine.

“I believe you when you say you did what you had to do, Commander, but there were over three hundred _thousand_ batarians in that system. All dead.”

“Yes. I realize how many innocents died. Three hundred and four thousand, nine hundred and forty-two of them. But how many sentient bodies inhabit the galaxy? Hm? That’s just a drop in the bucket compared to the millions of lives on Earth alone. Not to mention the hundreds of millions of asari and turians on their respective colonies, the salarians, the krogans - and how many hanar and elcor are out there?”

Hackett held up his palms. “I said I believe you did what you had to do. People like us - we are the ones who have to make the tough decisions that get people killed. But no one else believes the threat is real, and I’m sure they won't until it’s here, killing them.”

“What do you suggest?”

“Evidence against you is shoddy at best. I’ll do whatever I can to throw off the scent, but... at some point you will have to go to Earth, and face the music Shepard. I can’t stop it, but I will make them fight for it.” He sounded at least convincing about it.

“I save the damn galaxy from the Reapers _again_ and I’ll get charges because of it? I’m getting real sick of being the Alliance’s convenient little scapegoat.” The Commander stood to look him in the eye, her voice dangerously low. “Your scapegoat, Hackett.”

The Admiral narrowed his eyes and his lips pulled into a tight line. “Think about it, Shepard. I’m not your enemy here. Giving the batarians the Butcher would mean nothing to the Alliance if it avoided open war. So be ready, when Earth calls, you’d better be there with your dress blues on and pressed.” He turned and strode out of the room. 

The Commander threaded hands into her hair and pulled, swallowing a growl of frustration. “Joker, set course for the Omega relay as soon as the Admiral is back on his ship.”

“Aye, Commander.”

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

Music blasted through her quarters, jangling credit chits and half-drunk bottles on the coffee table with every beat of bass - leftovers from the “girl’s night” she, Tali, Jack, and Kasumi had had a week ago. Shepard sat with her legs splayed out under the table, her armor strewn around her, mouthing along with the words as she polished an ablative plate. She bent her knee tentatively now and then, trying to chase away the stiffness after its rebuild. She huffed a breath as it creaked painfully. Dammit. She needed to be 110% within 8 hours. She stood and moved to the center of the room and dropped into squats and climbers.

The door chimed. “Come in,” she called over a loud guitar sequence. Garrus’s large frame was backlit by the hallway light as the door retracted. He stood there for a few moments, uncharacteristically hesitant. She jumped up from the floor and waved him in. Shepard held up a finger and trotted over to the speaker controls by her nightstand to turn down the music as he came down the stairs and stopped near the couch.

“What’s up, Garrus? Do you need something?” she asked.

He studied her for a few moments. She was no longer the lean, wispy thing she’d been when he first came aboard. She was hard muscle and more familiar lines again as she stood in front of him.

Garrus presented the bottle of wine he had been holding behind his armored back and set it down on the couch table. “Best chiral-neutral wine I could afford on a vigilante’s salary.”

“Oh, only the best on the eve of our eminent demise.” Shepard scooped up two lowball glasses from the table and traversed the stairs to rinse them in the sink. She walked back down to the couch as he pulled off pieces of his hard suit and set them on the coffee table with hers.

“Whoa there, Romeo, shouldn’t you at least ask first?” A smirk ghosted over her lips.

His mandible fluttered. “Romeo? Ask what?”

“Well, for humans, when a man bursts into a girl’s quarters with wine and starts undressing, that's usually about the universe’s worst come on.” She set the glasses down on the table near where he’d plopped on the couch.

Three well practiced fingers set to dismantling his rifle. “I’m hurt you’d think I don’t have more charm or class than that. I’m here to continue our tradition,” The Commander merely blinked in response. “Come on, don’t tell me you’ve forgotten the night before Ilos? We spent the entire night cleaning our weapons and telling war stories.”

“Oh! I remember. Man, are we good at traditions or what? And this time we won't have some 500 year old Krogan one-upping us on stories. Tell you what, you keep my glass full and I’ll even shine your Mantis.” Shepard sat on the floor opposite him and folded her legs under the table.

“Absolutely not. No one messes with a man’s Mantis. You can keep the weird human music on, I’ll pour the drinks, and if you really want, you can shine my boots.” He tipped a healthy portion of the electric blue wine into both glasses.

She laughed. “Gee, insult my music and my cleaning skills all in one go. You haven’t truly lived until you’ve heard Freddie Mercury’s angelic voice, okay?” She took a sip of the azure liquid and grimaced. 

“That bad, huh?” Garrus tipped some of the wine into his mouth. He coughed as he swallowed, leaving his mouth open for a second with his tongue out like it had harmed him. She hid her smile at his reaction behind her hand. 

“Whoa okay,” he turned the bottle’s label toward his gaze. “It’s like they tried to compensate way too hard for all the stuff they had to take out of it with an overbearing amount of… whatever fake sweet this is.”

“That’s sweet to you? That is hella sour to me, like a warhead.” 

“I didn’t know humans flavored their warheads,” he said, voice laced with amusement.

Shepard threw a credit chit at him. “It’s a type of snack.”

Garrus chucked a rag at her. “Put on your Freddie. What other chance will we get?”

The Commander sighed as she scrolled through her omni-tool to pick a song. “You’re right. Even if we survive, I’m going to get locked up… or worse.”

He paused in inspecting his barrel. “So, the Admiral really came to court martial you?”

“Well, no, not yet. He came to warn me that the batarians were sure to figure it out at some point, and then at the very least I’d be court martialed.”

“What’s worse than a court martial?”

“Handing me to the batarians?” Shepard sipped at her drink.

He grimaced. “Like hell. They can’t do that, can they?”

“I sincerely hope not. But, we’ve got a suicide mission to live through for that to happen. I’ll worry about it after the Collectors.”

Garrus nodded. “Saren and Sovereign were a suicide run too, yet here we are. If we come back, we can have a bonding ceremony, then you can be a protectorate of the Hierarchy. It’d be fun to watch the Alliance try to jail you then.” His mandible pulled back as he carefully wiped down each piece of the Mantis.

Shepard choked and inhaled the horrible chiral-neutral wine, which sent her into a spastic coughing fit. 

Her sniper thumped her on the back with a deep chuckle. “Finally got you back for that drink you made me inhale at Dark Star, Shepard.”

Once she’d caught her breath, she looked up at him. “What the hell?! How far up the primarch candidacy are the Vakarians?”

Garrus sighed and set his scope down. “Really? That’s the first question you ask? That’s not something they just extend to the primarch. Besides, I don’t think that’d even work for humans. Maybe if we painted you blue…” He stopped rubbing the shining compound on his stock to put a finger on his chin like he’d seen so many humans do. “Nah, still wouldn’t work. No offspring.”

“Whoa, the Hierarchy extends citizenship protections and diplomatic immunity to asari?” she asked, eyes rounded.

“Is it that weird? There are plenty of asari/turian couples out there.”

“No, that’s the only porn I could find after all. I’m just shocked that autocratic, by-the-book turians made exceptions for them in your government.” She picked up her chest piece and began scrubbing.

”It’s not all that common for couples to apply for bonding and citizenship, though. But there’ve even been some asari that weren’t assigned to auxiliaries that have been through basic. Never could understand why, if I was biotic I’d do commando training - that’d be much more tailored to them.” He paused his rambling and inhaled. “You didn’t find any porn?”

She snapped her eyes to his. “What? You did?” His mandible twitched. Shepard stretched her leg and pushed his shin with her foot. “You dog, you’d better share!”

“Okay, okay, fine.” Garrus flicked open his omni-tool. “Must have been those extra two years of extranet experience over you.”

“ _Garrus!_ Did you just admit to becoming a turian/human porn connoisseur for the last two years?!” Shepard threw her head back and laughed at his bewildered jaw movements. “It’s okay to admit it, it’s the legs, I know.” She pulled a limb from under the table and stuck it out in front of his face. 

“I don’t know what a connoisseur is, but need I remind you it was _you_ who came on to me first. A poor, young, handsome turian beleaguered by your evil wiles - that I might add are not your weird pudgy feet and way too many toes.” He poked a talon into the sole of her foot, causing her to shriek and pull it away.

“I did not! That was you all the way, big guy, all that… growling and looming.” He threw his polishing rag at her and they both laughed. “I’m just a poor damsel, drawn in by perfect headshots” - she set her chest piece down to mime shooting a rifle - “ and a sexy voice attached to a swaggering, sarcastic turian.”

“Ooohh… so my voice is sexy, huh, _Shepard?_ ” He put ridiculous effort into the deep reverb of his sub vocals as he said her name and grabbed her arm to drag her around the table and up into his lap.

“No, no no no, I’m not going to finish cleaning all of this with you here! Garrus!” She made a strangled noise as a long bit of fleshy tongue found her earlobe while she tried to wriggle out of his grasp. “I was going to share the porn I found too, but not now buddy!”

“Mmm… we could make our own. You can’t say that wouldn’t be a hell of a bolster for turian/human tensions after the First Contact War,” he murmured into her neck, his sub vocals vibrating through them both. 

Shepard smiled as she settled her knees on the couch on either side of his hips. “He just casually drops that we should get married and make porn for a living.” 

“It worked, you laughed.” He squeezed her thighs and pulled back to look at her. “Relax, Shepard, you’ve been rigid since the minute I walked in - I can nearly hear your muscle tension. You did what you could at Aratoht. I don’t see how that could have ended any differently. It wasn’t your fault the Collectors got the crew - you weren’t even here. EDI saved Joker and the ship. Hope isn’t lost. I know you’ll get them back, and you’ll get us back through that relay too. I believe it. I believe in you.” He’d been like this before Ilos, too: an endless well of calm encouragement. His words coated her like soothing balm on chafed skin. Her mouth hung slightly ajar as she sucked in a breath. He touched their foreheads together.

“Garrus...” Her voice broke, betraying her spectacularly.

“I know what you’re thinking, and you aren’t him, Shepard. You aren’t Saren. He had no one and nothing but indoctrination. You have me, you have the team - we won't let that happen.”

Her lip corners pulled up. “How do you always seem to know what I need to hear?” She sighed heavily and slid off of his lap and onto the couch. “Even after this though… we aren’t anywhere near ready for them, Garrus. No one is listening, and we’ve been yelling for years now. The Reapers are going to tear through our galaxy like tissue paper.”

He nodded. “Yeah, I think you’re right. All the more reason we need to come back, so that at least someone is ready. How much time do you think you bought us with that asteroid?”

“I don’t know. A year, maybe? Months? They’re already so close to batarian space… Garrus, did you get a hold of your family?” Shepard’s eyes were large, imploring. She had such a soft spot for people’s family concerns.

He exhaled. “Yeah, I spoke with my mother and Solana. Oddly, they are both off-world at a salarian colony right now. Mother was enrolled in a very expensive Corpalis experimental trial by way of a large anonymous donation and word from a Dr. Solus. You wouldn’t happen to know anything about that, would you?”

She smiled. “It was the least I could do to assuage my guilt in taking away her only son. The trial is going well, the symptom management potential alone is extending lives by years. Mordin assures me they’re getting close.”

“Thank you, Shepard. Really. But this was always my decision,” he hummed.

“Tell that to my brain, it hasn’t quite figured that out yet.” She waved a hand dismissively and picked up her drink to take another sip. She shivered at the grotesque taste. “No need to thank me, other than armor I’ve got nothing to spend Tim’s blood money on anyway.”

They resumed cleaning their armor and weapons in amicable silence. 

“So, I read those Dark Knight comics you sent me.” Garrus glanced at her from the corner of his eye. “I’ve got some new ideas about what to do when I retire.”

Shepard scoffed. “When you retire a millionaire from our porn escapades?”

“Naturally. Think what I could do on Omega with some of the equipment he has.”

Shepard bent forward as she laughed, holding her stomach. 

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

“Commander? We’re forty minutes to the relay,” Joker’s voice cut through a foggy, half realized dream. Shepard blinked awake, not realizing she’d fallen asleep. She sat up groggily, and took a minute to register that she’d been snoozing on top of a decidedly pointy turian carapace, tucked under a turian arm. A carapace and arm that were attached to a still asleep Garrus Vakarian, breathing in deep, rhythmic breaths.

“Garrus,” Shepard pushed his bicep. “Gaaarruus, hey, we fell asleep,” she hissed, shaking his arm harder. He snapped his eyes open and jerked to a sitting position. She had to put a hand out to his carapace to keep them from knocking heads “Whoa, sorry big guy, I didn’t mean to scare you.”

He frantically looked at her and around the room. “We fell asleep?” 

“Yeah, you okay?” She stretched and slid off of him to gather up armor pieces.

“Fine… just trying to decide if I’m dreaming,” he yawned loudly.

She chuckled. “Well, if you didn’t do that purring thing it wouldn’t have happened. I can’t remember the last time I slept solidly though - especially without nightmares.”

He huffed and swung his legs off the couch to stand. “Turians don’t purr.”

“What do you call it then? You were even doing it down in the med bay.” Shepard assembled her shotgun with practiced speed.

“It’s… subconscious. We don’t always realize we’re doing it. When… someone… around us is distressed - it just happens as a reflex.” He fumbled over the words.

She raised an eyebrow. “Okay… well, we’ve got forty till the relay. You ready?”

Garrus nodded and began snapping hard pieces to his under armor. “As I can be.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for being here reading, ya'll. You were easily the best part of 2020, and I'll always remember each and everyone of you who have so kindly left me comments and who continue to do so! I'm excited to see where this story has evolved and where it's gonna go as I write through ME3. Ya'll have kept me creating and writing and I'm forever thankful.


	24. Chapter 24

“All team members are at their stations, Commander,” EDI said.

“Alright Joker,” Shepard spoke while squeezing the back of his chair and squinting against the light of the relay shining through the viewport. 

The pilot nodded while typing on his console. “God, I hope this works, or it’s going to be a real quick trip.”

The relay grabbed the ship, and stars turned into lines. Shepard felt the familiar floating gut of a successful warp overriding the inertial dampeners for a second - before debris filled the viewfinder. 

“Holy shit, hang on!” Joker called over his shoulder. He led the Normandy bucking and rolling around the massive fragments of wreckage while smaller debris impacted the hull and shields, creating a deafening racket throughout the ship. The violent dodging pushed the dampers to their limits, and Shepard threw herself into the co-pilot seat and strapped in just before the bucking sent everyone and everything not tied down on a wild ride. 

Seconds seemed like millennia, but they finally exited the debris into open space safely. Joker exhaled loudly.

A bipedal body floated past the nose of the Normandy,too crystallized to tell what kind of being it had been.

“Jesus Christ,” Shepard murmured. “This must be all the vessels that never made it back through the relay.” 

The pilot pointed out the left viewport. “Look at that… some of these ships are… ancient.”

“What in the bloody hell was that?!” Miranda stomped up from the CIC. She gasped as she too gazed across the littered scape of all the destroyed ships, back-lit by the light from the black hole’s accretion disk.

“EDI, any estimates of the number of people dead here?” Shepard unbuckled and stood from the seat.

The AI was silent for a few beats. “I have identified some ship IDs listed as missing, but many vessels are significantly older than our records. If an estimate had to be made - thousands.”

The Commander nodded. “Send a probe to take detailed scans. If any of those are Prothean, Liara will shit herself.”

“Yes, Commander.” There was a vague reverberation through the cockpit from the probe launch. “There is a strong energy signature from the edge of the accretion disk, Commander.”

“Roger. Get us there Joker, that’s gotta be the base. All scanners up, full power EDI. How are we doing down there, Tali?”

The Quarian’s filtered speech filled the bridge. “Fine Shepard, With the upgrades we are nominal.” 

“Keep your fingers hovered over diversions to the Thannix. Garrus, you awake for on-the-flies, Mr. Math?”

“Absolutely. I prefer genius though,” the turian’s deep, flanging tone answered.

A blinking warning on RADAR popped up on the controls. “Shit, we’ve got company!” Joker yelled.

Shepard grabbed Miranda’s arm and spun her into the co-pilot's seat just as Joker forced them into a hard nosedive that sent the Commander across the cockpit and into a bulkhead. A holo scan lit up on Joker’s console showing a spherical machine. Shepard stood up as they leveled out. “What are they?”

“Not sure, but I’ll lose them in the wreckage,” the pilot said.

“Commander, a drone has cut through our plating and is in the cargo hold.” Did EDI’s cool tone sound a bit frazzled?

“Shit. Zaeed, Grunt, Jack -” Shepard called.

“We see 'em,” the mercenary’s gruff reply interrupted her. “Already on the way.”

“I’ll meet you there!” The soldier took off, sprinting down the gangway.

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

“Grunt! Give me a lift!” Shepard shouted. The krogan turned to her and crouched before giving a thumbs up. She dashed the remaining seven feet between them and planted a foot on his shoulder. He stood, her other foot in his hand, and he launched her airborne over stacks of supply pallets. Shepard tucked her legs to shift her trajectory and charged the large red ocular of the drone. It took a pot shot that arced over her shoulder as she moved, biotics powering her dash. The concussive impact sent the machine back through the bulkhead of the ship. 

The hull buckled as the drone tore through, causing metallic screeching to fill the bay for a split second before it was drowned out by the roar of the Normandy’s atmosphere being sucked out into the vacuum of space. Shepard was dragged mercilessly towards the breach, screaming and scrabbling along the deck to find purchase. Crates pelted her as they were pulled to the hole, overloading her shields to bash along her ablative plates. It only took seconds for the reactive shielding to plug the tear, but Shepard had nearly been pulled into space before it closed. She ricocheted painfully off of the shield with a yelp, then laid still.

“Christ! You are fucking daft, woman!” Zaeed's voice boomed in the suddenly quiet hanger.

“Oh, lay the fuck off old man. She got the job done, and she’s alive!” Jack yelled back as she trotted over to the Commander and bent over her. The biotic grabbed her shoulder and Shepard hissed in a pained breath as she was turned.

“Come on, Butcher. Get up, you’ll be fine.” Jack held out a hand to help her up. 

Shepard took it gratefully and stood, testing her weight on her tender knee. In the background, Grunt was laughing with glee.

“Shepard, you need to get back up here!” Joker’s voice rang through the cargo bay.

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

Heavy bootfalls up the gangway signaled the Commander’s return to the cockpit. “What is it, Joker?”

“We’ve got an old friend coming to greet us.” He pointed to a signature on his console before flicking it up onto the viewscreen. “Magnify, EDI.”

Pulling away from the large silhouette of the Collector base was the ever-familiar destroyer of the Normandy SR1. “EDI, any scans you can do to determine if the crew is on there?” Shepard dug her fingers into the soft back of Joker’s chair.

“Comparing scans from the last time you were aboard that ship, life signs are drastically fewer. This would suggest most or all kidnapped subjects are either dead, or now aboard the station.”

“Alright… I’m running with that. No more caught off guard bullshit for us, mother fuckers. Let’s show them our new teeth. Tali? Garrus? Ready the Thannix!” Shepard spoke with an edge of pure glee undisguised in her voice. Both team mates called back in the affirmative. “EDI, Joker, ready us!”

They weren’t fast enough though, the Collector ship fired on the Normandy - the white of the beam was blinding as it filled the cockpit. Somehow Joker swooped them to the side just as the laser curved off the nose, and put large pieces of wreckage between them and the other ship. Shepard’s pulse pounded in her neck as she held a white-knuckled grip on the back of the pilot’s chair. The brightness of the beam set off flashbacks of her death, and for a few moments it felt as if her throat was closing. The ship paused in its firing and Joker pulled the Normandy away from the debris to set them careening straight towards the vessel.

“Trajectory locked,” EDI said.

“Let ‘em have it, Joker!” Shepard rasped.

“Gladly, time for payback assholes!” he yelled. The deep thrum of the Thannix powering and firing vibrated through the hull of the Normandy. The blue radiation of the cannon’s shot sizzled through the space between them, cutting clear through a section of the Collector ship. Shepard and Joker both whooped. 

“Hit ‘em again!” the Commander called. Another beam burned through the void, tearing a vast swath of twisted metal off the other vessel. It shuddered to a standstill and arced a long gnarl of energy out of its new hole.

“Shit-” he didn’t even get to finish the sentence before the vessel ripped apart violently, sending massive chunks in every direction, fire filling the holo for long moments. 

Alarms blared in the cockpit while Joker hurriedly fiddled with controls, but despite his efforts the immense base careened closer as they spun away from the blast. Shepard lost sight of the screen as she was jarred back and forth, losing her grip on the pilot’s chair. There was an ear-splitting screech of metal on metal that raised every hair on her body as she was abruptly thrown to the floor, and everything went black.

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

Shepard groaned. With monumental effort, she dragged both eyelids open and rolled to her stomach and pushed herself up. “Joker… are you okay?” All she could see was the back of his chair.She walked around the seat to gauge his injuries

He sucked in a loud, pained breath. “I think I broke another rib… or all of them.” Joker was curled with an arm around his left side. 

“Are we safe here, EDI?” She looked out the viewport at what seemed to be the interior of the Collector base.

“No internal alarms or security systems seem to have been triggered by our landing. It’s possible the Collectors never expected anyone to infiltrate their home. There are no ships or drones on scans,” the AI responded.

The Commander hit the console coms. “Everyone alive? Sound off.”

Each member of the ground team answered back. Shepard rubbed a palm across the back of her head and glanced at her hand. Good, no blood. 

“Come on Joker, let's get you to the Professor.” She cautiously wound an arm behind him and lifted him up. 

“Ah, ahh, careful. I don’t need another broken arm,” he whined. 

She snorted. “I can be gentle, you know.”

Joker groaned dramatically as they made their way to the lift. “Please don’t make me laugh right now.”

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

“Commander? What about you?” Joker asked. Mordin turned towards her with his eyes narrowed.

“It was just a minor bump on the noggin, we’ve got bigger fish to fry.” Shepard waved a dismissive hand. 

“Bump? You were unconscious for a minute there.” Joker laid back under the machine they affectionately referred to as ‘the mender.’

The Professor sighed and flicked open the tissue scanner on his omni-tool to wave it over her head. “Go ahead, rousing speech time. Will continue. Please, don’t say ‘hold the line’ though,” he said with a smirk.

Shepard smiled at him and turned towards her small gathering of misfits and murderers. Tali and Jack were propped against a shared cot, Miranda was just to the Commander’s right side, arms folded. Thane was behind the operative, blinking calmly with his hands behind his back. Garrus stood stoically in the middle of the room with Grunt shuffling about next to him. Zaeed and Jacob were flanked like mirrors on either side of the turian, arms crossed. Samara and Kasumi were further behind them, the Justicar leaned against the wall near the med bay door with the thief pacing in front of her. Legion stood unmoving on her left, only the occasional twitch of eye shutter kept him from being part of the scenery.

“Tali, EDI, where are we with the Normandy?” the Commander asked.

“Multiple core systems overloaded during the crash,” EDI answered first.

“And the mass generators aren’t working. Everything can be restored, but it will take time, Shepard,” Tali’s accented voice finished.

Miranda shifted her weight to one hip. “Well, we always knew this was likely a one-way trip.”

“Screw that. I’ll do whatever it takes to stop these bugs, but I’m going to live to tell about it. This is just step one for Reapers and I’ll be damned if they get to step two while I’m around,” Shepard stated.

Joker sighed over the sound of the machine. “Glad you’re the one in charge.”

“This certainly isn’t how we planned this. But this is where we are. We can’t worry if the Normandy can get us home or not at this point.” She turned towards Tali. “As much as I’d like to leave you, Legion, and Mordin here to repair everything - and everyone,” she nodded her head towards Joker. “The scale of this thing and the amount of bad guys in it means we need all the firepower we can get. We are here to _stop_ the Collectors. That means destroying this station is priority one.” Shepard nodded to her XO, who pulled up a holo projection of the base on her omni-tool. The ground team crowded in closer to get a clear view of the map.

The AI highlighted a section of the base. “You should be able to overload their critical systems from the primary control station in this area.”

Jacob stepped forward and pointed. “That’ll lead us right past this massive heat signature.”

The Commander squinted at the hologram. “That’s got to be the central chamber. If our crew are still alive, that’s probably where they’ll be.”

Thane’s gravelly tone cut in. “It looks like there are two main routes there. It would be a good idea to split into two groups to keep the Collectors off-balance. One group can draw fire and keep the other protected. We can regroup in the central chamber.” 

Miranda shook her head and tapped on her tool to highlight two intersections. “No good - both routes are blocked. See these two doors? The only way past those is to get someone to open them from the other side.”

Kasumi moved to the holo map. “There - a shaft, probably ventilation. Someone could fit through it to open this door, then we can circle to open the other.”

Taylor scoffed. “Practically a suicide mission. I volunteer.”

Miranda snapped her head towards him. “I appreciate the thought, Jacob, but you wouldn’t be able to shut down the security systems in time.”

Jacob nodded at Shepard. “It’s your call, Commander.”

She glanced back and forth over her team members. “Someone lightning fast at hacking, who can resist whatever conditions those vents might have - Legion, it’s best to send you.”

“Acknowledged, Shepard-Commander.” He bobbed his head.

“Meanwhile, the rest of us will split into two teams and fight down the corridors.” The N7 leaned into the holo with a hand on her chin.

“I will lead the second fire team, Shepard. We can meet up with you on the other side of the doors,” Miranda declared.

Jack hopped off her cot immediately. “Not so fast, cheerleader. Nobody wants to take orders from you.” She didn’t even try to hide the disdain in her words.

Behind her, Garrus shook his head and rubbed two fingers on a brow plate. 

Miranda closed her tool, killing the projection. “This isn’t a popularity contest! Lives are at stake, we need someone who knows how to lead, who commands loyalty through experience!” the operative snapped back.

Shepard stepped between them, cutting off their line of sight, and held up a hand to each woman.

“Garrus,” She said his name quietly, but he flinched like he’d been hit. 

He turned his head up to stare at her, and she stared right back, trying to convey comfort and support through her gaze. He could do it, she knew it. Now he just needed to know it. He tilted his chin down once in affirmation but said nothing.

Miranda let out a breath. “Well, at least _he_ knows what he’s doing,” she murmured. 

Garrus’s brow plates lifted at her praise. 

Shepard couldn’t restrain the smile that tugged at the corner of her mouth. “Garrus, you take the main fire team. You’ll need the heavy hitters with you. Grunt, Zaeed, Samara, Thane, Jacob, Miranda. Tali, go with him too, I already know you two are a good team and we will each need a tech expert. Kasumi, Jack, and Mordin, you’re with me. We will stay quick, and as quiet as possible.” 

Krios very uncharacteristically frowned and shifted his weight. 

“He’ll need long range support more than me, Thane,” she said. Smartly, he remained quiet, only turning to share a cryptic look with Garrus. “EDI, we will connect you to any console we find. Mine any information you can get.”

“Yes, Shepard.”

The Commander stood straight. “Once we’re in, they are going to throw everything they have at us. If we’re weak, if we hesitate, we’re dead. These bastards have terrorized the Terminus for years, doing the dirty work of the Reapers. But they got cocky. They think they can just board our ship and take our crew, our friends! I don’t fucking think so. They started this war. Make them regret Freedom’s Progress, Ferris Fields, and Horizon!”

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

Her boots hit the ground with a resounding _thwack_ that echoed down the expansive corridor they’d crashed through. It was a small boon that her knee took the drop from the airlock so well. _This was going to work,_ Shepard told herself and tried to muster belief into it. She turned to look past the Normandy’s curved back at the hole it had left in the station. The emergency barrier shimmered here and there but was otherwise invisible. Glancing around the hall, the place looked damned familiar though. Exactly like the inside of the Collector ship - an unsettling mix of technical and organic… like the bugs had seen old alien Earth movies a few too many times. Shepard shook her head. At least they didn’t leak acidic goo. It was too quiet though, their presence still went uncontested. Not even by a single scout bug. By some miracle the Collectors either thought they’d died on impact, or didn’t realize they’d hit the station at all. A wave of… _something_ crawled over her skin, raising hair follicles as it moved, and a cold bead of sweat inched down her neck as her teammates dropped out of the airlock behind her one by one. Shepard revolved slowly, ears straining to pick up any noise other than the footfalls of her squad. 

A hand on her shoulder stopped her motion. Shepard spun to lock gazes with her sniper. “You okay?” The familiar oscillation of his voice was instantly calming. Looking up into his blue eyes gave her a few moments to gather her racing thoughts. 

She smiled. “Yeah, we’ve got this big guy.” She pointed to the rounded pack sitting at the small of her back, just below the Cain. “I’ve got enough ordinance to blow this place straight into that black hole. Harbinger is going to rue the day he ever heard the name Shepard.”

Garrus chuckled for a beat, but then his mandible pulled in tight. As they looked at one another, she knew what he was going to say before he said it. 

“If he is here… and anything like Sovereign-”

She leaned into his chest to speak quietly as she watched their team checking their weapons. “I know. I’ve been thinking about it too. No sense in alarming everyone, though. We don’t have the firepower for a ship sized techno squid. I lost almost a whole damn fleet to Sovereign, but all we can do is cross that bridge if we come to it.”

He gave a slow nod. Shepard twisted her head to stare down the hall in front of them - it ramped down sharply and split off in two different directions. 

She had her hair in its customary ponytail, her helmet tucked under one arm. His gaze followed the strands, casually spread across one shoulder. It wasn’t until her eyes were on him again that he realized he’d reached out to touch the orange cascade.

He dropped his hand from her. The unexpected, out-of-character action made her chest constrict and pushed thoughts she never let herself entertain directly to the front of her mind. This could be the last time they ever saw each other.

She opened her mouth - to tell him what? Behind Garrus, she caught Miranda looking away from them and whatever thought she’d had was lost. Shepard cleared her throat and reached out to clasp his forearm.

“Don’t worry. I picked you for a reason. I have no doubt you can handle them just fine. You’ve been on missions with each one of them. You know their styles, you know tactics, you have experience leading, and they respect you.”

Garrus sighed. “I got my whole team killed, and you show up like nothing ever changed, still believing in me when you shouldn’t.”

She cocked her head. “If your worst quality is to trust too much, you’re already better than me. You’ve never let me down, big guy, so I never stop believing.” She stepped around him as Grunt walked up.

The krogan brought a broad hand down on her shoulder. “Don’t kill anything fun until we meet back up.” 

She grinned. “You’ll be the one having all the fun, I’m sure. Take care of them, Grunt.”

Shepard turned to address the group. “Everyone ready to move out?”

There was a chorus of affirmatives. Garrus rallied his team, and they began their descent down the left tunnel. She tried to swallow the foreboding lump in her throat as she and her small group watched them go.

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

“Shepard-Commander, vent conditions are such that our platform is at risk,” Legion spoke over com. 

“I know, I know, it’s hot - we’ve got you Legion! I can see a console ahead.” She paused to send the head off a drone, but another two dropped down in its place. “Agh, I can’t get to it - Kasumi?”

“I’m on it!” the thief answered. Shepard couldn’t see where she was, but Legion’s affirmation that he could move forward in the vents proved that she’d been successful.

“Thanks Kasumi, you’re a doll!” She jumped back with a surprised yelp as the Collector in front of her burst into flames. “Whoa!”

“Still a few tricks left up these sleeves,” Mordin said with a chuckle. The Commander turned to see his white coat fluttering behind him as he lept over an outcropping.

Jack hoisted herself up onto a crate next to her. “You ready?!”

She nodded. “Lift one up, I’ll give it a truck,” she spoke in sing-song.

The biotic laughed maniacally as she dragged drones out of their cover, perfectly lined up in the blue glow of her powers. “99 bottles of Collector piss on the wall!”

Mordin tutted over the com. “There must be better songs out there.”

Shepard kicked off the crate and smashed into all three, sending them careening into the wall where they crumpled. She twisted in the air after rebounding off of them and managed to land on her feet.

Jack stuck two fingers in her mouth and whistled loudly over the hail of gunfire and unsettling noises the drones made. “Oh my god, are you finally getting good at this? We’re gonna make a vanguard out of you yet, Shepard!”

The Commander snorted, weaving in and out of drone pot shots, “I can see the doors, Garrus, how you guys doing over there?”

“Taking a massive amount of fire, but holding our own. We are in position at the doors,” he answered.

“Shit. Double time it everyone!” She sprinted toward the doors, taking down drone after drone as they approached.

“You are nothing but bacteria, Shepard. Why do you resist your destiny?” _Harbinger_. His voice sent chills down her vertebrae. Where had it spoken from? She twisted this way and that, searching for him. Something slammed into her from behind, smashing her into the ground, bouncing her head painfully off the floor and causing cracks to spider out on the edge of her visor. She tried to jump back up her head and shoulders were held down. All three of her team gasped her name in alarm. Must have been Harbinger sitting on top of her.

“Eat lead, bastard,” Kasumi’s voice echoed in stereo inside and outside Shepard’s helmet just before the thief unloaded an entire SMG clip. The weight slid off of her and the thief's hand entered her line of sight. “Sorry about that, I was further behind him than I thought, Shep.”

She grabbed the offered hand and pulled herself to stand. “No apologies, thanks for that. Let’s get through that door. Legion?”

“Affirmative, hacking security systems now,” the geth answered. No sooner had he stopped talking the door screeched open and let them through into the central chamber. They dashed through together, weapons raised. 

Shepard could hear a hail of gunfire coming from behind the parallel door. She pushed Legion towards the glowing red security panel. “Hurry!” His three very quarian-like fingers set to work immediately, opening the metal door within seconds, allowing the fire team to pour into the room one after another.

Garrus was the last one through. “Close it, close it!” he barked. The door snapped back shut, leaving them all gasping for breath in the stillness of the colossal central chamber. 

Shepard moved to Grunt, who had what looked like blood but was... something else? Splattered across his great heaving chest - she quickly discovered that whatever it was wasn't from him when she wiped her hand through it.

“Blech, what the hell is this Grunt?” She shook the goo from her gauntlet.

He tilted his head back and just laughed loudly.

Thane walked up to them and put a hand under her elbow. “Are you alright?”

“Oh, she’s fine. I didn’t let your girlfriend get hurt, Krios.” Kasumi said, a wide smirk plastered on her face. Shepard rolled her eyes before realizing no one could see it through the helmet. Thane didn’t dignify the thief with a response - which of course made her smile even wider.

“Commander, you should see this,” Miranda said. She’d walked down the nearest wall, which was covered in pods. She beckoned her with a hand, so Shepard trotted over. There was a woman inside, seemingly unconscious. Miranda tapped on the enclosure. She didn’t stir.

“She’s a colonist.” Shepard waved her hands around the lid, trying to find holo controls, while the Cerberus operative continued walking along the pods. Footsteps sounded behind her as the rest of the team approached. 

Suddenly the woman’s skin began to look patchy and red. As Shepard watched, the red turned to sores and her eyes sprang open. The colonist screamed, the sound muffled by the pod.

“Holy shit, they’re alive!” Shepard shrieked. “Get them out!!” The Commander pounded on the pod as the woman wailed, leaving bloody handprints all over the inside, desperately trying to claw her way out. The glass was completely covered in blood as Shepard bent to try to find a readout, a control panel, anything. Nothing. She grabbed her shotgun off her back and bashed the butt of it against the pod lid - but the woman inside gurgled horribly before letting out one last hair raising wail. “Shit, shit shit!” the soldier breathed. Bloody goo was sucked loudly out of the pod through a clear tube that went up over their heads and out of the room. Shepard held her breath as the viscous fluid was transported out of sight… it was enough to explain the now empty pod. 

“There’s a seam on the sides!” Miranda yelled, her voice snapping the Commander from her thoughts.

“Look, it’s Kelly!” Kasumi pointed at a row of pods above the ones at ground level. 

Shepard had no time to process the grisly reality of the colonists fates. She stood and ran down the line to where the thief stood. “Thane!” she called. He scrambled up with impressive speed to extract the yeoman. The Commander kept running down the line of pods as the ground team fanned out, calling out names, and tearing open those that contained their crewmen.

Finally, Shepard spotted the familiar head of grey she’d been looking for. “Chakwas!” 

To the doctor’s left was Patel. Grunt and Garrus both ran up behind the Commander. “Garrus, lift me! Grunt, hold your arms out.” Her sniper bent to a knee and held a forearm out for her to get a foot up and crawl up his collar. He stood, pushing her up by a thigh and foot until she got a handhold on a row of tubing and wires. Shepard shimmied carefully across Chakwas’s pod and stabbed her blade inside the seam of Patel’s. She grunted with effort and sprung the lid open faster than she expected, dropping the crewman and nearly herself. “GRUNT!” she blurted.

Bless him, he was already right there under her. He caught Patel with ease and set her down gently on the ground. Shepard scrambled for purchase, but found a decent foot hold to pry Chakwas’s pod door open with her fingers. Thankfully it popped open much slower, and the smaller, older woman fell forward into Shepard’s outstretched arms. She cradled the unconscious doctor with one arm and turned to peer over her shoulder. Her sniper was standing below her with his arms open, ready. Of course. She tipped backwards. Her guts clenched in the split second fall, but he grabbed them both deftly. 

The gentle doctor was already blinking awake as Garrus set them both on the ground. “Shep… Shepard?” she rasped from the Commander’s arms, looking up at her.

“You got it, Doc.” She smiled. 

Chakwas turned to look around confusedly. “You all came for us?”

Tali crouched to inspect the elderly doctor with her omni-tool. “Of course! We wouldn’t leave any of you behind.”

Shepard got up on her knees as a three fingered hand reached out to her. She took it and let Garrus haul her to her feet. She regarded both him and Grunt. “Thanks, both of you. That was great catching. We should all play baseball sometime.” 

Zaeed was a few feet away with his arms crossed and several dazed crewmen around him. “Psh, that’s only part of the game. I’ve got a mean curveball - like to see either alien catch _that_.” Both Grunt and Garrus looked confused at his words. Shepard chuckled.

“Are you all alright?” Jacob asked their little crowd. There was a resounding murmur from the crew that sounded like a ‘yes’.

Chakwas held a hand out to Tali, who pulled her up. “When they brought us in, we watched the colonists… be liquified. They turned them into a soup that they pump out of the pods with the tubes.” She pointed up at the massive tubing that ran the length of the chamber.

Yeah. Unfortunately Shepard had seen it first hand. “What the hell purpose do they have with us? Raw genetic material? For what?”

The doctor shook her head. “I didn’t see anything else, so I don’t know. I’m just glad you got here before it happened to us.”

Miranda walked up to stand by Tali. “So are we, but we still have a job to do.”

Shepard held a finger to her com. “EDI? Joker? Do you guys have a lock on our position?”

“Affirmative Commander,” the pilot answered. “Those tubes make a turn into the main control room above you. The route is blocked by a security door, but there is another chamber that runs parallel to the one you’re in.” 

EDI interjected. “I cannot recommend that. Thermal emissions suggest that the chamber is overrun with seeker swarms. Mordin’s countermeasure will not work against so many at once.”

“I could create a biotic field that would repel them. I wouldn’t be able to protect everyone, but I could get a few people through if they stay close,” Samara suggested.

Shepard nodded. “That’ll be fine.”

“What about the rest of us, Commander?” Chakwas asked. “We are in no shape to fight.”

Joker came back on the com. “Shepard, we’ve got enough systems back up to pull off a short pick up, but we’d need to land back from your position.”

“We can’t afford to go back - not now!” Miranda’s voice rose with desperation.

The Commander held up a hand. “Relax.” She turned to lock eyes with Mordin, who was standing at the edge of the group. “They’ll never make it without an escort, Professor, can you take them? They will need you once you all get back.”

“Of course.” The old salarian popped the heat sink on his pistol and jammed in a new one.

“And Tali? You should go too and see what you can do to help Joker and EDI get the Normandy running. We’ve got to at least survive one more trip through that relay, and maybe a limp to Omega for drinks.” Shepard added the last part in a mumble.

The quarian giggled. “Yes, Shepard. I’m sure we can manage it. First round’s on you though.” 

The Commander smiled and clasped her friend's forearm. Tali’s laugh always pulled at her heartstrings. “Good luck.” Chakwas moved up to wind her arms around Shepard’s shoulders in a tight hug. Mordin too, briefly rested a hand on her. They shared a meaningful glance, no goodbyes needed, eye contact said it all. The crewmen straightened, and all saluted the ground team members before trudging out of sight with Tali and Mordin.

As they trailed away, Shepard turned towards her team. “Okay. Jack and Thane, switch out. We’ll need to keep everything as long range from Samara as possible.” She pulled the assault rifle off her back.

“We’ll keep the defenders busy as a diversion. That way you can slip around.” Garrus said.

“Perfect. We’ll open the door for you once we get to the other side. Take care of each other over there and give them hell!” Shepard declared.

Jack let out a whoop, and Grunt brought his fists together with glee.

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

Trying to stay inside Samara’s biotic bubble while murdering everything in a thirty-foot radius was slow going and agonizing. They’d ploughed through a multitude of husks down the completely dark route, shooting into the black when they heard the creatures' familiar moaning. Although, hearing the husks over the constant buzzing of the seekers bouncing loudly off of Samara’s shield was near impossible. Kasumi stayed in front of the asari, killing husks that got too close with her SMG, leaving the range to Shepard and Thane. 

If it had just been husks it wouldn’t have been so bad, but there were scions here too, along with the occasional Harbinger-ized drone flying in to taunt her. On top of that, they’d lost communication with Garrus’s team almost instantly when the swarms descended on them, so by the time they got within eyesight of the door, Shepard’s nerves were ragged. 

Samara was bowing with exertion, trying desperately to keep her shaking arms up. The barrier was shrinking by the minute, forcing them all closer together.

“I can see the door Samara, you can do it!” Shepard inwardly cursed her lack of skill - she should have practiced barriers a lot harder. If she had, she could have helped the Justicar.

“I can make it, Commander,” the biotic strained to say.

The Collectors had begun rallying, employing tactics and shields against them now that the station knew they were there. And here they were with no space to move or take cover while trapped inside a biotic bubble. God, she hoped the other team was alive - if the few drones here had gotten this smart, the fire team was in a massive amount of danger. 

Shepard hopped over a barricade that had been set up in front of them and buried her blade in a drone’s hard triangular head. It screeched like they always did, a bit like a bug and a bit like a machine. Thane was felling Collectors as they were flying in, causing bodies to rain around them. Kasumi darted to the door panel as soon as Samara got them in range. 

Shepard kicked a husk back over the ledge it had crawled up. “Kasumi? They’re pushing us!”

“I’ve got it, Shepard!”

Sure enough, the metal door retracted into the ceiling, revealing a mercifully clear corridor beyond. The Justicar backed them up to it, and let the three of them through before steadying herself. She sucked in a great breath and let out a yell, gathering up the power of the shield and blowing the energy back into the chasm full of drones. The wave was bright white, all-encompassing, and pulverized everything it came into contact with. 

The door snapped closed between them and the dark chamber. Shepard didn’t even get a second to close her gaping mouth at Samara’s powerful display before Garrus’s voice crackled back to life over the coms. 

“..do you copy? COME ON SHEPARD! Where are you!?” he yelled desperately. 

Her stomach plummeted to her feet the instant she heard his tone. “I copy! What’s your position?!”

“We’re pinned down at the door, taking heavy fire!” There was an explosion that overloaded the coms for a second, drowning him out.

“We’re coming!” She took off across the room to the other doorway, though Kasumi was well ahead of her and much faster. 

The thief hit the controls first and knelt, pulling up her omni-tool to crack the security panel. Shepard and Thane skidded to a halt in front of the doorway, weapons drawn. The door whined and lifted only a few inches. Kasumi banged on the console in frustration.

“There’s something mechanically wrong with it, it’s jammed!” She pried a panel off the frame and stuck her hands into the wiring.

Shepard reared back and took a run at the metal, kicking off with her biotics and flinging herself bodily into it. It screeched and jerked up unsteadily.

“Well, that’s one way to do it,” Kasumi commented.

The Commander charged through, assault rifle singing. She biotically grabbed a drone that darted at Jacob and threw it fifty feet, letting it crash into a trio of its fellows.

“Pull back!” Garrus commanded. He didn’t have to say it twice - the ground team backed through the open door with cohesion, the biotic users keeping a barrier up against the wall of gunfire.

An abhorrent screeching wail filled the cavern - Shepard jerked her head up to see a huge mechanical buglike monstrosity hurtling toward them. Same as the one they fought on Horizon… Christ, had they been fighting this thing the whole time they’d been in the seeker swarm? She yanked Garrus through the doorway. 

“Close it!” she screamed. 

The creature came down nearly on top of both of them, blowing out their shields. The cacophony of gunfire trading back and forth continued until the door slammed shut. 

Garrus’s gun clattered to the ground as he stumbled against the wall, doubled over, clutching his abdomen. 

“Shit, shit, shit!” Shepard mumbled as she moved to him.

Cobalt blood leaked rapidly from in-between his fingers, but he waved a palm at her as he gasped in a pained breath. “It’s okay, nothing a little medi-gel can’t fix. Did everyone make it through?”

“Yes, everyone made it, now move.” Shepard tugged his hand away. Shit. He’d taken a round after his shields fell. The hole in his gut was just about the size of her finger. She quickly shucked her gauntlet. “It’s bleeding too fast for the gel to get a foothold. Forgive me.” She shoved a digit into his wound. 

Garrus let out a dual toned cry she’d never heard a turian make before. It made her sweat turn cold, like a draft had caught her.

“Hold still.” She reached up and brought up his suit readout to dispense the gel. A few tense moments passed while the medication worked its magic. There was only the indistinct murmurs and reloading of the ground team behind them in the quiet.

Garrus’s breathing evened after a few minutes, one hand clutched her shoulder as he leaned against the wall with his eyes closed. 

“You okay, big guy?” she murmured.

He nodded. The wound was tightening, so she gently pulled her finger out. “Spirits,” he groaned.

She’d never been more thankful that they were made of different aminos - the medi-gel didn’t fuse them like it would two levos or two dextros. 

“Okay, crisis averted. Any other major wounds for me to stick a finger in?” Shepard asked.

Zaeed smirked. “I’ve got somewhere you could stick a hand,”

“Don’t even finish that sentence, you old bastard,” she sighed.

Jack laughed loudly, and a few smiles spread among the ground team. It was a good sign - they were grimy and tired, but spirits were still up. They were still holding out hope.

Shepard hit the button on her helmet for the com. “Joker, did the crew make it back okay?” 

“Aye, Commander. Everyone is in one piece… more or less. Tali and I have already got a few more systems up,” the pilot responded.

“Good.” Shepard revolved on her heel to take everyone in. 

The team was passing out meal bars and hydro pods. No other major injuries, it seemed. She weaved a path through them, checking in with each person individually. She shared a few of her shotgun thermal clips with Grunt and took a few meal bars and hyropods from Jacob. Kasumi and Jack were trading barbs back and forth while Garrus held his arms up and was turning and stretching at the waist, making sure his range of movement was okay. 

There was only one face she didn’t see. Shepard trotted over to where Samara still sat, just inside the door that separated them from the seeker swarms. “Are you alright, Samara?”

The Justicar had her usual serene, unaffected face on. “Yes, just resting before the next phase.”

Shepard held out a bar and two pods to her. Samara accepted with a short incline of her head.

“Commander, you’ve got a problem down there. Thermals show a horde of hostiles massing behind the door. Won’t be long before they bust through,” Joker said.

“Thanks Joker.” The soldier inhaled her own hydro pods and quickly shoved the majority of a meal bar into her mouth.

“EDI, what’s our next step?” Miranda asked.

“There should be some platforms nearby - similar to ones on the Collector ship, which will take you to the main control console. From there you can overload systems and destroy the base,” the AI responded.

Further in the room there was an elevated section that Shepard hopped up on. No stairs since the drones could all fly - that explained a lot about their design choices. Sure enough, docked at the end of the room were the same floating saucers, hanging over a wide section of piping and ductwork that trailed off into a dark passage.

“Yeah, these are the platforms,” Shepard called to her XO. “A rear guard will need to stay here and take up a defensive position to keep them from overwhelming us.”

Miranda waved an arm. “Pick who you want to go with you, Shepard. The rest of us will hold here.”

The Commander put her chin in her hand. It’d be nice to have a techie and some biotic support… the most efficient pick would be Garrus - her triple threat for tech, midrange, and long range. If he came along it would be fewer guns gone from the front, but unfortunately he was one of the best guns. Shepard sighed. No telling what her little team would be up against, but all the heavy hitter biotics needed to stay here for defense, so that left Miranda, Jacob, and Thane. Thane understood her battle rhythm the best of the three. 

“Garrus, Thane, you’re with me. The rest of you… don’t take any unnecessary risks.” She looked pointedly at Jack and Grunt, who shared a fist bump. “Protect each other and stay the hell away from those big mechanical bastards. Bait them into ring-around-the-rosy with your cover so your mates can down them from behind. We will be back as fast as we can.” Her two snipers hopped up next to her. She took one last glance at the ground team’s determined faces before turning and lighting up the platform’s interface. It shuddered as it detached from the dock and ferried them down the dark, cavernous hall. 

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

The saucers probably indicated that Collectors didn’t fly long distances. Shepard decided that was a small silver lining. She swung a leg over the railing to lean out as it floated them along, and Thane came to peek over the ledge as well. Below them enormous tubes ran across the bottom of the corridor. 

“All these lines are converging where we are going. EDI, what have you found in their systems?” the Commander asked.

The AI’s voice came over the com, “The tubes are feeding into a superstructure that is emitting both organic and non-organic energy signatures.” They were quickly approaching a yawning opening into an even bigger area. EDI’s tone dropped, almost whispering. “Shepard, if my calculations are correct… the super structure… might be a Reaper.”

It was Garrus who gasped first, up at the front of the disc. “Spirits,” he breathed into his com as the platform carried them through the opening. 

She could barely make out the outline of something hanging in the middle of the room, back lit vaguely by gray light coming from somewhere further in the cavern. The only sound was the high-pitched whine of the platform's small mass effect core. She squinted as the platform moved them further into the room - and out of the darkness came a mammoth, metallic, human skull. She and Thane both sucked in audible breaths at the same time. 

“Oh, my fucking God,” she murmured. “It’s a Reaper alright EDI… a fucking human one!” 

Joker and Miranda’s exclamations over the com were lost to her as the saucer slowed nd descend to a dock just in front of the cursed thing, giving the trio a long, up close look at the creature. Shepard fumbled to turn on her helmet cam and light. 

It hung by its arms, suspended by huge tubes and cables from the ceiling. Its head was lolled to the side, resting on its own shoulder as if it were asleep with its jaw open. The Collectors were still in the process of building it, so its rib cage was only partially finished, and there was a great, elongated spinal cord that emerged from the structure and disappeared into the darkness below their platform. Shepard could do little more than stand and gape up at it for a few moments. “Are you guys seeing this feed?”

“It appears the Collectors have processed tens of thousands of humans. They will need significantly more to complete the Reaper.” EDI said quietly over the com.

That snapped her out of it somewhat. “What the hell do they gain from this! What good does a giant human do for them?!”

“They may be facilitating the Reaper equivalent of reproduction, or it may serve another purpose.” EDI replied, “I do not have the data to speculate further.”

Suddenly, it struck her. “Infighting,” Shepard gasped.

“What?” Garrus turned his helmet towards her.

She cleared her throat. “Infighting. If the Reapers unleashed this abomination on the galaxy, all the other races would think we made it. That it was _us_ killing everyone. We’d all turn on one another - the Reapers wouldn’t even need to be here.”

“Shepard,” Garrus murmured, the tone of it hard to decipher.

“It is clear that the Collectors are merely pawns. The technology and ability to create this Reaper is far beyond their own. It is likely that different species have constructed each Reaper. In this case, the Collectors have provided the labor,” the AI continued.

“So what the hell was Sovereign based on? He looked like a huge… squid... bug… thing. Ah, and so did Harbinger. I saw his hologram at Aratoht.” Shepard walked off the platform to the catwalk below the creature to get a better angle to show its size.

EDI’s voice came on again. “There are extensive archives on this base full of many species unknown to the Galaxy, likely previous victims of the Reapers. It is possible that whatever species Harbinger and Sovereign are based on is contained in their records.”

The Commander froze in her tracks. “Garrus, what did he say about you? On Horizon?”

He huffed. “What, we’re analyzing Harbinger’s insults now?”

She crossed her arms and stuck a hip out. 

He sighed and did his best mocking impression of Harbinger’s booming, digitized voice. “Turian: you are considered too… primitive.”

She snorted. “And earlier he told Thane, ‘Drell: useless. Insufficient numbers’. Back on the Collector ship he said, ‘Human: viable possibility. Impressive genetic malleability, great biotic potential.’”

Thane turned towards her. “So he was talking about this. That suggests the Reapers cannot create a Reaper out of just any species.”

“Why do they need to do this at all, though? They are machines.” Shepard walked over to the main console and pulled up her tool to hack into it.

“Incorrect. Sovereign wreckage analysis proved Reapers are sapient constructs, a hybrid of organic and inorganic,” EDI said.

“Well, whatever you want to call them, I’m going to blow this thing to hell. Any suggestions on destroying it, EDI?”

“The large tubes injecting the fluid are a weak structural link. Destroying them should cause the support structure to collapse and the Reaper to fall,” the AI answered.

“Great. Let’s set the charges and then take this thing out. We need to get out of here so I can stand in front of the fucking Council and show them this footage.” She typed furiously on her tool. “I need to see the look on Sparatus’s face when he figures out how right I was all this time.”

Garrus snorted and shook his head.

Thane watched as Shepard got locked out of the console, and kicked the lower panel in irritation. Luckily, inside his mask, he didn’t have to hide his smile. 

Her crack program shrilling loudly prompted the turian to trod over and bend over her with his own tool out. He had the interface up and running within a few minutes. Shepard ducked out from under his arms and was speaking to him off coms, her hands moving expressively. 

As they interacted Thane wondered if they knew how they were together. They shared an untouchable closeness - something that seemed, from the outside, almost religious or sacred. Something that made you feel unworthy to witness, because the only worthy ones were them. He was dragged from his thoughts when Garrus snapped his head up from the interface suddenly. 

The turian tilted his head and stood stock still.

Shepard glanced around. “What is it?”

Garrus turned towards the Reaper. “We’ve got incoming.”


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So close to done- I'm gonna miss the interaction here while I'm writing the next portion of this story! Thanks to everyone who comments and who leaves kudos- I appreciate you more than you know!!

“Nothing stands against us.” The insect-like drone spoke in a forebodingly calm voice despite the bright orange omni-blade pushed deep into its chest.

“Yeah? Well seems like I’ve been doing a pretty good job of it so far you fucking bastard!” Shepard yanked the blade out of the Harbinger’s chest, sending the black goo that was the Collector’s blood splashing across her armor.

“This form’s pain is irrelevant, I am limitless,” the creature gurgled, then finally stilled.

She leapt up, and took two rounds to the back that dropped her shields. The report of a rifle drowned out the beeping of her personal shield generator, and she looked up just in time to see her assailant go down with only half a head. When she turned towards Garrus she couldn't see the smug look on his face due to his helmet - but she could _feel_ it. 

Movement behind the turian caught her eye - there was a husk making for Thane’s position. Shepard jumped onto a platform railing and arced blue across the open chasm, slamming into the zombied human and sending it spiraling off into the abyss. 

Garrus came on the com. “More hostiles incoming.”

Two more saucers came from behind the Reaper embryo and attached to the rest of the platforms around the mainframe console, offloading more drones and a few scions. 

“Motherfucker, all I wanted to do was set some charges. You’d think they’d be kind enough to let me,” she mumbled into her mic.

“There! The blast shielding pulled away!” Thane rumbled. All three of them yanked their weapon sights up to the tubes suspending the Human-Reaper hybrid and the last three tubes burst with a satisfying shatter in tandem. Metallic debris screeched and groaned as it tore free from the monster’s body, raining down into the darkness below the platforms. 

The Reaper swayed ominously, and Shepard realized immediately that the saucers nearest would be going down with it. “Move, move! Get to the rear!” She dashed in a blue streak across the gap to the next platform, not taking even a second to look back as more metal tore away from the Reaper. The crash that followed was deafening: the enormous creature broke free from its ceiling tethers and smashed through many of the platforms as it fell, taking out a multitude of drones and scions. She let out a whoop as it disappeared from sight, the cacophony of its descent continuing well past its departure from their field of view.

“Okay Garrus, see if you can get that panel open.” Shepard spun towards the console and he was already there, typing. She pulled the hardshell off her back and popped it open to ready the ordinance. “Shepard to ground team, status report.”

The com clicked on with Miranda’s accented voice. “We’re holding our own for the moment Shepard, but they’re endless! We’re wearing thin.” The sound of gunfire around her nearly drowned her out.

“Get them the hell out of there Miri, back to the Normandy. Joker ready the engines, I’m about to blow this place into the next dimension.” A handle popped up from the floor. She knelt and pulled up the computer core for the main console from the decking.

“Roger that. And uh, Commander, we’ve got an incoming transmission from the Illusive Man. Patching it through,” Joker answered.

She rolled her eyes and began packing tubes of explosive putty into the core, blatantly ignoring the call light on her omni-tool. 

Thane flicked his own tool on and a grainy, distorted holo of Tim greeted them. “Shepard, you’ve done the impossible,” he said.

“Not quite yet I haven’t. Save that for the after party.” She pulled up her tool interface to synchronize the igniters. 

“Wait! I’ve got a better option.” The holo stuttered.

“Of course,” she muttered, shaking her head.

“I’ve been looking at EDI’s schematics of the station, and a timed radiation pulse would kill the remaining Collectors and leave the technology intact.” Tim raised a fist. “This is our chance, Shepard. That knowledge, that framework could be our salvation against the Reapers.”

“And how’s that exactly? Build our own Reaper?” She spun to confront his image. “Are you fucking insane? You can’t control them.” 

“Don’t be short sighted, you can't know all the outcomes. Our best chance against the Reapers is to turn their own resources against them!” he insisted. “Who knows how much information is buried there, that base is a gift!” 

“This base is nothing but indoctrination and destruction, and if you intend on building a Reaper you become no better than the Collectors - a slave doing their bidding.” She bent back to continue mashing the explosives into the core.

“Shepard! Don’t throw this away. I didn’t throw you away, because I knew your value, and look what you’ve accomplished!” Desperation leaked into his words. “Miranda, don’t let Shepard do this!”

The operative came back over the com. “Or what? You’ll replace me?”

“I gave you an order!” he bellowed. 

“I noticed. Consider this my resignation.” Her XO cut the channel.

Tim growled in indignation. “SHEPARD! Think about what’s at stake! What Cerberus has done for you-” Thane clicked his tool closed mid-sentence.

“Oh for the love of god, thank you Thane.” Shepard shook her head and resumed her task. 

Her chest swelled with pride at Miranda’s sudden growth. Never had she thought she’d live to see a day where she liked the woman. Though, the Commander idly wondered how many of Tim’s personal calls the XO had been CC’d on as she twisted together the wiring for the detonator. 

Shepard plugged in the timer and set it. “You ready over there Garrus?”

He inclined his head. “The reactor is right below us, I’ve set it to overclock and removed the safety parameters.” 

“Perfect, and with one baby Reaper laying on top of it, the fireworks should be real nice.” She pushed the core back down into its slot and fiddled with her tool’s interface. “Armed. We’ve got ten minutes, let’s hotfoot it boys.”

Shepard took exactly two steps before the saucer suddenly rocked hard sideways, making the three teammates stumble. A gargantuan hand reached up over their heads and slammed down on the platform, searching for purchase as it screeched along and tipped the surface. Metallic fingers clasped the lip of a platform and hauled the massive skull of the Reaper into view.

“Hoooooooly shit!” she choked out as the creature moved its other hand to a platform to their right. It opened its jaw and let out a thundering, digitized bellow. Magnified tenfold in the comparatively small space of the cavern - the sound shorted the dampers in her speakers, static filling her helmet.

Its hand reared back - quite slowly thanks to its size - and the three humanoids each had time to leap to safety on adjoining platforms before it came down. The Reaper’s hefty paw tore through the saucer they’d been on like paper, dragging it out of view, a distant sound of crashing metal as it fell. She and Thane wound up on the same platform but Garrus was separated across the chasm. 

Shepard yanked her useless helmet off and tossed it aside so that she could hear, then pulled her rifle from her back. She spared a quick glance across the divide at the turian who was mirroring her actions before letting a whole clip rip into the glowing core at the abominations chest, Thane’s SMG screaming along as well. A well-placed shot from Garrus blew out its left optic, sending a shower of sparks across her and the assassin. The Reaper wailed and revolved its head towards the sniper. 

The Commander dropped her assault rifle and dove to a knee, ripping the Cain from her back. The end petals of the weapon opened to reveal its warhead just as the monstrosity opened its mouth again. A pulsing red glow flickered to life in its throat, a sound like something rotating faster and faster accompanying it. The air pressure changed dramatically, causing her ears to pop. 

It had a beam weapon. 

“Shit shit shit!” Shepard whispered, willing the Cain to arm faster.

But the Reaper fired first. The light from the beam was blinding in the darkness of the cavern, churning the air like a vortex and sending her hair whipping around her. She blinked rapidly, desperately trying to clear the line from her vision. The platform Garrus was on split clean in two, arcing a second bright explosion as the beam tore through its mass core which sent shrapnel bouncing off of her and Thane’s shields. Her eyes darted wildly, searching for Garrus’s form. 

The Cain beeped that it was ready and familiar heavy bootfalls trod up behind her. The Commander’s lips stretched into a grin. 

“Hey, you figured out how to duck! That’s a pay raise as far as I’m concerned.”

“I’ll be taking you up on that offer,” her sniper’s flanging voice answered back.

Shepard barked a laugh. “Well, get ready to do it again!” 

The Reaper turned back towards them as the Cain locked onto its chest - perfect. She pulled the trigger and let the warhead fly. She had just enough time to curl into a ball and clamp her palms around her ears before it detonated, the heat from the explosion licking at her face and hands. The blast was deafening, and the creature let out an equally loud screech as it was blown backwards, sending metal spraying from its chest and hissing across the saucers. It lost its hold on the platforms and grasped uselessly as its weight shifted, tipping them this way and that, sending Commander and team careening across the surfaces. 

Thane successfully jumped to another and turned, watching in horror as the previous platform went nearly vertical. Shepard was close enough to snatch the lip, but Garrus slid freely, both his gauntlets ground along the smooth metal as he tried to arrest his plummet.

“Garrus!” Shepard yelled and threw herself after him, rocketing across the floor of the disc.

They struggled to grab each other’s hands as they slid. She spun and stabbed her omni-blade into the plating, sparks flying as she muscled it deeper with her shoulder and stretched her other hand to the turian. It was too many hair raising milliseconds, but their fingertips connected and she was able to get a solid grip around his wrist. She sucked in a breath as Garrus shot out over the void - this was going to hurt. 

The omni-blade held, and Garrus’s full armored weight yanked her shoulder from its socket as he dropped. Shepard let out a wail of pain, barely audible over the collapsing metal of the platforms as the Reaper dragged them all down with it. 

“Thane,” she called, her voice strained.

The saucer tipped back up as the creature slid out of view, and the assassin darted forward, and together they were able to haul the turian up. A secondary explosion detonated somewhere below them, the pressure from the blast washing hot over the three and detaching the few remaining saucers from the control panel structure. The platform they were on wobbled and dropped a foot as the mass core spluttered, and Shepard craned to see if the console with the explosives was still intact - it was there. Her sigh of relief was cut short as a vast hunk of sheared-off disc hurtled into them.

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

“-der!”

The N7 dragged heavy eyelids open. The image of the plate spinning toward her was fresh in her mind, causing her body to tense. Shepard tried to focus her vision. A long dark object... there was a beam on top of her. She tried to lift her right arm, but a bolt of pain shot through her neck and side that dragged a yelp from her throat. Oh, right. She grit her teeth and was able to get leverage with her left side to shimmy out from under the chunk of metal. 

“Come on Shepard! Don’t do this, don’t leave me hanging!” Joker’s distressed voice stuttered through her ear piece.

She swallowed and tried to reply, but coughed uselessly. “Joker, I copy. Did the ground team make it?”

“Yes, all survivors on board, just waiting on you. Ping us from your suit, I’m coming to get you!” He sounded frantic. 

The timer. She must have only been out for a few seconds or minutes.

Her brain was slowly bringing back details from before her blackout. Shepard spun around. She was still on the platform, which had miraculously lodged itself into the side of a corridor wall. 

_Thane!_

In the darkness she could barely see his black leathered leg sticking out from a pile of twisted debris a foot from her. The Commander bent to lift the detritus off of him. He was laying face down, unmoving. Her gut twisted painfully. Fuck. She grabbed his shoulder, turned him over and pulled his face mask off. Thane blinked up at her, dragging in rasping breaths. Alive! She pulled him to standing with a wide grin plastered to her face. Her eyes darted about as she quickly set the signal from her suit. A glint off his armor caught her eye first. 

Thank whatever spirits he was always talking about.

He was there on the platform with them, just barely - one side of Garrus’s body was hanging off the edge. As she rushed to him he rolled from the ledge and pushed himself to his hands and knees with a groan, tearing his helmet off. There was a great gash down the side of it that spidered out completely over the visor and a matching smear of azure blood across the already damaged side of his face and foreplates.

Damn. Shepard offered her left hand this time. “Alright boys, last one to the Normandy has to go to a Hanar poetry reading,” she croaked as she dragged Garrus upright.

“It’s actually, quite good you know,” Thane rasped.

She took off at a sprint. “Fine, an all-elcor stage play!” 

Her energy reserves were absolutely drained, but she felt light, giddy - alive. All three of them were! The absence of the weight of the Cain and the assault rifle she’d lost to the abyss helped the light feeling as well, but, they lived! 

A round bounced off her shields as she ran, instantly smothering her elation. They tore past three drones who immediately pursued. The Commander slowed, trying to decide if she should take the time to gun them down. 

“Come on!” Garrus darted by her, followed closely by Thane. 

Right. Shepard sprinted to rejoin them.

A scion shambled out of a side corridor right in front of them, and both snipers split around either side of it. It turned to engage, and Shepard gathered the last little bit of biotic power she could to half-heartedly throw herself at it with a frustrated yell. She raised her omni-blade and tore open the hump on its back, coating herself in its nasty goo - again. Shepard gagged at the smell, rounds bouncing off her shields as she ran after the snipers. 

They dashed up a long winding corridor, and across a large open room she could see the black hole through a massive breach in the side of the station. She was losing steam, but then the Normandy came into view, swooping in close to the breach - they’d have to launch themselves through the station barrier and vacuum. 

The airlock on the SR2 opened, revealing a suited soldier with a familiar bend to his spine, armed with the assault rifle he kept under his seat. He slammed a heat sink in and fired over their heads; their pursuers must be close. 

All her energy and focus was on the airlock, every cell and neuron longing for the other side of that door. Home. 

Garrus was the first one in, leaping gracefully off a half mangled beam jutting out from the ruptured flooring of the room, and Thane was only seconds behind him, bouncing off the interior bulkhead as he landed. They both turned towards her. 

“Commander!” Joker bellowed.

 _I know._

Her legs burned, the injured knee protesting painfully, her chest heaving. Everything they’d been through here seemed to weigh her down, pulling her back. Slowing her progress. Garrus tore his assault rifle off his back and fired off two rounds into something behind her. A drone screeched. She was almost there. 

The station rumbled under her feet. Shit, they were out of time. A chunk of the Collector base broke free above the ship and came crashing down through the plate Garrus had used as a launch point.

_No._

The gap was that much bigger now. She steeled herself and exhaled hard - pushing all the air from her lungs and leaping as hard as she could, straining and praying for one last biotic charge -

That didn’t come. 

Her ribs impacted the lip of the airlock door, and she clutched desperately to the smooth flooring as the ship tipped away from the base. 

But Garrus was there, as always.

He reached down and grasped both of her forearms. Her injured shoulder twisted painfully and it was all she could do to keep her mouth closed as he pulled her into his chest. The airlock sealed and sweet oxygen hissed loudly into the decon chamber as Joker hit the controls to cycle the inner door open into the cockpit. Shepard and Garrus both gasped in heavy lung fulls.

EDI’s orb lit up by the pilot’s chair. “Ignition of station core in 9, 8, 7-”

“Yeah I get the gist of it EDI, hang on!” Joker ripped the helmet from his head and threw himself at the ship controls, pulling the Normandy hard away from the station. 

Shepard, Garrus, and Thane staggered into the cockpit as they were whirled faster than the dampeners could handle. The engines screamed, vibrating the deck as they hurtled back through the debris field and towards the relay. The only indication of the base’s destruction were warning alarms on Joker’s console alerting him of the blast shockwave. 

“Course plotted,” the AI sounded harried - she _was_ doing the work of many crewmen at this point.

The shockwave crashed into the ship, setting off more alarms and pushing them off course. The relay swung out of sight.

“Shit,” the pilot whispered under his breath. Shepard watched a bead of sweat roll into his collar as she clutched the back of his chair with her good arm, the ship bucking and vibrating in the wake of the blast. Joker managed to pull them back straight for a moment, and the relay hung heavy in view for only a second before the stars turned into lines. It hadn’t been a perfect trajectory, so the ride was rough, but she couldn’t remember a time where the gut flip flop of warp was so reassuring. 

And just like that, the accretion disk and black hole were gone, replaced by the reassuring sight of Omega in the distance and the warm glow of the system’s sun. The four of them gaped in silence at lovely, safe, empty space.

_They’d done it._

“I never ever thought I’d be happy to see Omega,” Garrus muttered. 

He broke the spell of wonder and Shepard laughed loudly. A muffled cheer constructed of many voices went up somewhere below deck - created by a lot of ecstatically alive crewmen, no doubt. 

Joker leaned his chair back and buried both hands in his hair. He still looked utterly shocked, eyes wide and mouth ajar.

“The damsel in distress was rescued by the big strapping hero, as usual,” she breathed, then smiled and bent to plant a kiss on the pilot’s stubbled cheek. His shock was such that he accepted it, instead of recoiling with his usual “Gross, commander.” gusto. 

Shepard turned and grabbed Garrus’s collar, pulling him down to wrap her arm around his neck. “Thank you,” she whispered into the hide below his ear canal. She pulled back before he had a chance to say anything. 

“And now, the great Commander Shepard - destroyer of Collectors - is going to sleep. When I wake up we make for Omega.”

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

Garrus snapped awake. He’d heard a noise, he was sure of it. He held his breath and lifted onto his elbows in his cot to peer into the darkness of the main battery. Everything seemed quiet… ah, a padding footfall. Shepard’s familiar form rounded the Thannix. 

He let out the breath. “Spirits, Shepard. You’re supposed to be sleeping, not sneaking around your gunnery officer’s quarters.” He flicked his tool open and glanced at it. “You’ve only been asleep two hours,” he grumbled. 

“Hey, you’re the one leaving your door unlocked. Besides, captains don’t sneak on their own ships.” Her bare-footed steps were impressively muted. Maybe he _could_ see how they became the top pyjacks on their planet. If he squinted just so.

Garrus stretched and sat up, one arm propped on his knee. She was in her usual shorts and tank top, with a compression wrap around her shoulder, and a lattice-printed brace adorned her knee. She had left her fringe down, a rare circumstance - the long strands draped across her shoulders and chest. It made her look different somehow, softer? She stopped just outside his cot area, shifting her weight subtly from foot to foot, hands clasping her elbows. 

He sighed. “What’s wrong?”

“I… couldn’t sleep,” she mumbled.

He searched her face. Her brow was furrowed - but not in her usual, I’m-pissed-off way. Something seemed odd here, out of character. “Oh, so you decided to make sure I couldn’t either?” 

“Ha, yeah something like that.” Her face hardened and she looked away from him. 

That answer sounded too strained - it was a poor rendition of their typical banter. Garrus rubbed a palm over his foreplates. Not time for their usual then, his mistake. He lifted the knitted blanket off of his lap and held it open, inviting her to him. She hesitated for a few moments, then stepped forward. 

Garrus got the distinct impression that, every now and then, Shepard was like a skittish wild so’vak he was trying to tame. The Commander placed a knee on the cot and folded impressively small to settle between his legs and curl into his chest. 

She also occasionally seemed more liquid than solid. 

He folded the blanket around them, pulling her in close. “I’m sorry. You know I’ll keep you company anytime you’d like,” he rumbled into the top of her head. 

“Mm, not _anytime_ you know. Not when you’re draining the axles on the mako, or when you’re calibrating, or when you’re cleaning your rifle-” her voice was muffled where her face was pressed into his carapace. 

He chuckled. “A man’s rifle time is sacred. And whoever breaks the mako doesn’t get to interrupt its repairs.” 

She huffed a breathy laugh that caused his insides to clench. Silence passed between them as they sat.

“Hey, can you do that calming thing again?” She spoke so quietly his translator garbled part of the request. He was taken a bit aback as he looked down at her. He’d been consciously controlling his sub-vocals since Aratoht. 

“Sorry. I know I snapped at you about it in the med bay, but… I just. Hm,” she paused, wriggling around to drape a leg over his. “It works a bit _too_ well, you know?”

Oh. _Oh._ Her small face and green eyes were turned up towards him, expectant. This… this was cute. 

Garrus struggled to swallow down the uncomfortable swelling that had caused in his keel. He scooched them down the cot a bit and turned them over to tuck her in between himself and the bulkhead. “Of course. But only if you try to get some sleep.”

Shepard settled her head on his arm and draped her own across his side. His sub-vocals vibrated through them both, as he scraped talons idly down her spine. They laid still, the dull hum of himself and the Thannix the only sounds in the battery. 

He blinked down at her. She was so dramatically _diminutive_ in the rare moments her ego and armor were stripped away, when just hours ago she’d grabbed all seven feet of him straight out of death’s gaping maw with nothing but those little arms. 

Garrus trailed fingers over the compression bandage at her shoulder. “You saved me, Shepard,” he murmured into her fringe.

She yawned, her voice lethargic. “Mmm. If you think I’m gonna let my best sniper join a baby Reaper in the abyss, you’ve got another thing coming, Vakarian.”

“You’ve saved me more than just then. Saved me from a life of impotency on the Citadel, then literally on Virmire, on Noveria, on Omega...” he trailed off.

Her breathing had slowed and deepened and the peaceful look on her face was so unusual that the image was sure to be burned into his memory forever.

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

The scent of flowers was the first sign that he was back among the world of the conscious. Garrus inhaled deeply- the smell rattled something inside of him. A memory? Something moved under his arm. He tensed, ready to leap into action before his brain finally decided to kick in. She was still here. The smell of whatever Shepard used to bathe filled the room. 

He opened bleary eyes and she _was_ there, still tucked neatly under his arm, eyes closed. He had the feeling he had dreamed this before, sometime long past maybe. Her eyebrows drew together slightly.

“What is that smell you put in your fringe?” he rumbled, more of an enunciation in his chest than actual words.

“Shh, I'm not awake, I'm not here.” She brought a finger up to her mouth but didn’t open her eyes. A beat of silence passed. “You’re probably smelling my shampoo. I’m not really sure what it is. Liara’s been buying it for me since she found out I used two-in-one and got offended.”

That answer mystified him. Two-in-one? Shampoo? “Why would Liara be offended about anything with your fringe? She doesn't even _have_ fringe like yours.”

She shrugged. “See, I said the same thing.”

He raised his good mandible. “Did you sleep?”

Shepard craned her neck to look up at him. Whatever emotion was there wasn’t discernible to him, but he knew he hadn’t seen her show it before. Her eyes bounced back and forth between his for a beat. “Yeah, I did. Apparently all this time I just needed a gigantic vibrating bed warmer.”

Garrus snorted. “As long as that doesn’t become my official title around here, I’m fine with that.”

“Nah, Archangel is a way cooler title. Aria might even give me street cred if I told her Archangel is my vibrating bed warmer,” she huffed with quiet laugh.

He pulled her in closer, wrapping a leg over hers. “Mmm. Few problems with that. One, you assume she doesn’t already know. And two, Aria doesn’t _give_ street cred.”

Her omni-tool pinged quietly. “Shhh shh! Shit, see? We were talking too loud.” She buried her face back into his arm. “Go back to sleep, I’m still asleep.” 

“Shepard, there’s no way even I could hear us whispering outside the battery door.”

She sighed. “I’m not ready to wake up yet. If I get up, reality resumes. I get put in prison, the Reapers come, and everyone dies, Garrus. I’d rather stay in a victorious dream.”

His throat constricted. What could he say to that? There was no lie sweet enough to mask their reality, not even for a moment. He carded fingers gently through her fringe as his sub-vocals hummed. He bent to touch his head to her temple, nuzzling slightly. “So we stay inside the dream a bit longer,” his voice resonated through her chest.

The Commander exhaled contentedly and threaded her arms around his neck. “That’s what I like most about you Garrus. You don’t feed me platitudes, you see how it is and roll with it.”

She tilted her chin back, absolutely relaxed and trusting, a coy look in her eye. Even just that small gesture sent warmth down his spine and into his groin, every muscle tensing along the way. 

Garrus leaned over her, his long neck curved to nip mouth plates and tongue tip along every tantalizing inch of throat. He wondered, as he moved, if she knew how much her mumbles and hums of pleasure resembled turian sounds. “Mm, because I don’t see any point in that. But I could stand to hear more about what you like about me.”

Shepard wrapped a leg around his ass to pull him into her, which set off the deep growling sub-vocals she so enjoyed. “The recent discovery of this noise is pretty high on my list.” Small finger pads trailed up his neck plates, wandering teasingly under his fringe. 

Her sniper’s breathing ramped up audibly and he hooked a hand behind her knee to grind them together deliciously; slowly. “Shepard,” he groaned into her neck. “I don’t want to hurt you.” He skirted the brace on her knee with a finger. 

“All the shitty ways I’ve gotten hurt and this’ll be the only fun one. Come on Garrus,” she sighed.

He pulled back to look at her. “If I re-injure you, Dr. Chakwas will have my head removed to display in a specimen jar on her desk.”

Shepard smirked. “Karen? Nah, she’s been rawed by a turian before, she wouldn’t even bat an eye.”

Garrus propped himself above her, eyes wide. “What?!” He spluttered a garbled sentence after that that her translator mangled.

The soldier laughed. “I know what you’re asking, and the answer is go ask her yourself - it's her story to tell, not mine. Now, get back down here and finish what you started Vakarian.”

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

Aria was standing at the end of the dock before the airlock even cycled open, clad in her typical strappy, black skintex and a black leather jacket. Shepard braced herself and tried to dig up her best bartering voice, but she didn't even get the chance to use it.

“Well well, the galaxy's most popular resident survived the Omega Relay.” Aria spat with her usual contention as soon as Shepard was within earshot. “I’d like to say I’m shocked, but, you know I’m really not. That would have made my life way too easy. I’m sure if you’d had any _real_ inkling what was going on around here, you would have made sure to let the relay kill you, hm?”

The burst of emails she’d received within hours of being back had given her many inklings. She’d skimmed and mostly ignored both Kaiden and Sparatus’s particularly insulting ones, but Liara’s and Anderson’s had been eye opening. They’d only been on the other side about 36ish hours - in total it had been about five days since Aratoht, and things were already progressing into full on shitshow by the sound of it. 

Garrus and Tali were standing right behind her on the ramp, with half the rest of the ground team behind them. 

She chewed her lip for a moment then turned to address them. “Jacob, Zaeed, and Jack, go with Tali to the junk dealers. Stay tight, no talking to strangers, kids. Miranda, Grunt, you’re going to need to stay on the ship after all.”

The latter of the two furrowed his wide brow. “But - you said noodles Shepard! Real ones!” he exclaimed.

“I know buddy. I’m sorry, I underestimated how quickly people would want to fuck me in the ass with no lube.”

Miranda rolled her eyes. “Charming.”

Jack barked a laugh. “Yeah and with no dinner either. What is this galaxy coming to,” she called over her shoulder as she and the men trailed Tali down the ramp.

The Pirate Queen crossed her arms over her ample chest and waited for the Commander’s people to disappear into the dock crowds before resuming. “So you _do_ know how bad it is. You’re stupider than I thought. You should have died in there, it would have been way easier for all of us.”

Shepard felt Garrus bristle and heard him growl, but didn’t know what move he made behind her to make Aria step into her personal space and reach over her shoulder to stick a finger in his face. “Spare me your holy bullshit, _Archangel_ , unless you think you can kill every politician and news reporter on the Citadel - oh, _and_ every ranking Alliance official while you’re at it.” 

Her usual entourage of Bray the batarian and whatever turian goons of the hour were shifting their hands on their weapons. 

The N7 stuck both hands up between them before Garrus could retort. “Look, I don’t disagree, but despite my best efforts I lived. You and I both know the Collectors were a problem for you too, and you being here is your version of being thankful for what I’ve done for you. I get it. Let’s cut the bullshit and get into it. What happened exactly?”

The asari snorted. “What _hasn’t_ happened? I’ve had Alliance on the station, and I’ve had not one but _two_ fucking Spectres here, Shepard. And I won't even bother mentioning the amount of poorly-camouflaged Cerberus that’s been sniffing around. Who haven’t you pissed off? Should I be expecting krogan warlords?”

“Nah, I made those ones happy. Which Spectres?”

Aria sighed. “One I haven’t seen before, Kaevus something. And fucking Jondam Bau.”

Garrus stepped up next to her. “I know Kaevus, he was in training when I was. Damn talented soldier, but hard though. That’s what happens when you’re in the Fire Brigade.”

Shepard nodded. “And Jondam?”

“Not half as smart as Solus,” Aria continued, “But what he lacks there he makes up for with as much zealous righteousness as Archangel.” Her eyes flicked to fix Garrus with a scathing look. 

“Shit. Okay.” The Commander ran an agitated hand through her ginger locks.

“His description of his target didn’t sound much like you honestly, but maybe he’s trying not to blow his real cover. Who knows.” The asari put her hands on her hips.

Shepard’s lips tugged up into a smirk. “Well, sounds like I’ve had Spectredom thoroughly revoked. A bet’s a bet.” She dug through a pocket in her bomber jacket and pressed a credit chit into her azure hand. 

The Queen mirrored her smile. “Happy to take you for all you’re worth anytime, Shepard.”

“Your faith in me is truly inspiring, Aria. Now I’m not going to be making trouble for you here, my intention is to get the necessities we need to get our sublight core back up and running and we will be out of your...er… hair tentacles in no time.”

The asari rolled her eyes. “Uh huh. You’ve got four hours and _neither_ of you leaves your ship.” She pointed a finger at both Shepard and Garrus.

“Deal.” The Commander inclined her chin in thanks before turning to head back to the Normandy.

“Oh, and Shepard?”

“Hm?”

Aria glanced around her and lowered her voice. “I know the value of someone who gets shit done, unlike some people. I’ve got an identity and some jobs ready for you. It might require a bit of… work-” the asari motioned to her face and her hair “- but just say the word.”

 _Aw, would you just look at this hard ass bitch_. 

Shepard twitched a grin. “Thanks Aria. I’ll shoot you a message if I get interested in plastic surgery and playing merc.” She reached out a hand that the pirate actually took. They clasped forearms for a brief moment before Aria turned and stormed off, and she and Garrus walked back up the ramp and through the airlock.

“Wow, record time shopping trip,” Joker called as they rounded the airlock into the cockpit.

“Haha. Change of plans, seems we aren’t about to be welcomed anywhere we go from here on out.” Shepard sighed.

The pilot balked. “So how will we handle repairs? We are limping around here at best.”

The Commander crossed her arms. “I sent Tali out for the sublight parts. We’ve got four hours to install and get out of here.”

Jeff leaned forward, resting his head in his hands. “You know, the movies make this whole saving the galaxy thing a lot more glamorous. Where is the party full of booze and asari maidens? We just get ignored, written off as crazy, and court martialed.”

EDI’s orb popped up. “Humans are not the only ones with a long history of denying change and singling out those who are different. All sentient races have struggled with these issues.”

“Yeah, and apparently our time honored traditions of ignoring cold hard facts and evidence are still alive and well too. Fucking bastards,” Shepard growled. “Maybe Jack's right, we should just take the Normandy and go pirate.”

Garrus grunted. “Please don't ever let her find out you said she was right about something.”

“Just say the word Commander. I’d be a devilishly handsome pirate eh? Lookit this beard!” Joker ran a hand through his facial hair. 

She leaned forward and rested her head on the arms she had propped on the back of the pilot’s chair. “Fuck. FUCK,” she breathed. “As much as I’d like to entertain that thought -” she paused. “We need to prepare for my surrender.”

Joker lept from the seat. A movement so fast it caught her off guard, considering his disability. “What?! Shepard, no! This is fucking bullshit!”

But Garrus’s intake of breath and quieter voice caused her to turn towards him, and their eyes locked. “What did you say?”

“I said, come to Palaven with me,” he murmured.

“Garrus-”

“I’m not joking,” he interrupted. “We can protect you, I’ll speak with my father - if we show all of our information to the Primarch, he’d _have_ to listen-” 

“Garrus, I-”

“No! You don’t know that it wouldn’t work!” he snapped. The cockpit descended into silence. The three of them blinked at one another, all three surprised by his outburst.

Shepard exhaled. “Dammit Garrus. You know as well as I do that the Hierarchy isn’t going to harbor a war criminal. Sparatus has personally laughed right in my face, the chances that the Primarch would react any differently to our evidence is slim to none. Even if I didn't consider all of that, I’d be putting your family in danger! You heard Aria - the Council, the Alliance, _and_ Cerberus are all gunning for me now. Look, you’re both sweet, really, but we’ve got to live in reality. EDI, alert the crew of my intentions to surrender. If anyone wants to jump ship while we’re on Omega they’ve got four hours to do it. They can come speak to me if they wish, but there's no questions asked.” 

With that she spun on her heel and picked her way carefully down the wrecked gangway, leaving both men looking miserably at the floor. 


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a rather explicit sex scene in this chapter. Same as in previous chapters, asterisks will mark the beginning and end for those who wish to skip it. Some important things happen during it but the section right afterwards should allow you to infer what happened.

The Commander leaned back and heaved a sigh, digging knuckles into her eyelids. The glow of the desk console and the burbling, empty fish tank were the only sources of light in her room. She glanced at her omni-tool. Their time was nearly up, two minutes to go. Her negotiations with Anderson and Hackett had been shockingly brief - the arrangements for safe harbor at Illium through Liara had taken up nearly the entirety of Aria’s time allotment.

Shepard hit her com. “How are we doing Tali?”

Her friend’s melodic voice answered, “Wrapping up now. It’s not perfect, but I’ve got what we need installed. I can finish the rest once we get underway.” 

“Good job Tali. Joker, take us out. EDI, gather everyone to the mess once we clear the relay.”

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

Stepping out of the lift, Shepard was taken aback that the murmuring on the crew deck was so subdued despite the amount of bodies present. She threaded between crewmen then stepped up onto the center-most table in the mess. As soon as her boots touched the top the talking petered out completely.

“This is fucking bullshit Shepard.” 

She could really count on Jack to be the least respectful of the bunch. What she hadn’t expected though, was the chorus of agreement that rose up afterwards.

“Okay, okay.” The Commander held out her hands in a timeout motion. When that didn’t bring order she sucked in a breath. “HEY!” she hollered over the noise. They quieted back down.

She continued in her normal tone. “I get it. Trust me, I’ve been dealing with this shitshow since well before the Battle of the Citadel. I know exactly how fucking stupid this is, but I just spent hours striking a deal with the Council and the Alliance. In exchange for my unconditional surrender and trial cooperation, I have bought immunity for everyone on board. None involved can be subpoenaed or indicted against me, none can be charged or tried as accessories for my crimes or Cerberus’s crimes. Hell, they even offered you a job, Jack.”

“No fucking way!” the biotic said, her eyebrows raised.

“The Alliance is looking for teachers. You came highly recommended. By me. ” Shepard had to control her smile at the tattooed woman’s gaping face of shock.

“We could go to Tuchanka, Shepard. You and I. Wrex would never let the Council or the Alliance get away with this witch hunt,” Grunt’s deep voice cut through the silence. He was standing near where Garrus was leaning on the wall. Suspicious. Had the sniper come up with that?

She turned towards him over the sea of heads. “I know. But what kind of friend would I be to put him in that position? That’s choosing me over his people. All I’d do is put the krogan at war with the rest of the galaxy. You know we can’t afford that with what’s at stake.”

Grunt opened his mouth to retort but thought for a moment and only nodded his head. 

Shepard addressed the crewmen again. “I’ve secured us a stop at Illium to finish ship repairs. You may choose to depart the Normandy there, or at the Citadel. The Citadel will be the last stop before Earth. Now, obviously everyone needs to ditch the Cerberus fatigues if you haven’t already. We make portfall at Nos Astra in about nine hours. 

“Know that I appreciate every single one of you and what you’ve done. You were willing to die for what _I_ believed in. Never before have I had the privilege of such a loyal crew. I am endlessly proud of all of you and what we’ve been through, proud of the lives we’ve saved. From the bottom of my heart, thank you all so much. It has been an honor to serve with you.” 

There was a round of clapping, whistling, and cheering. She stepped down off the table and into a tight crowd of hands and voices, calling and reaching. 

Shepard’s voice surged over the noise one last time. “I will be here in the mess for the next little bit for questions, goodbyes, drinks, and Skyllian!”

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

They were a rambunctious little crowd that night, fighting and arguing over hands.

“I swear to GOD! There is no way I’ve met an even bigger cheat than Jeff Moreau!” Shepard bemoaned loudly between gulps of alcohol.

“Just because people are better than you at Skyllian doesn’t make us cheaters,” Joker said with satisfaction and stuck a finger in her face. She mimed biting him but miscalculated spectacularly and _actually_ bit him. 

“AH! What the hell Shepard!?” He yanked his finger back and gathered the cards back up to shuffle. 

Kasumi’s laughter was raucous as she scooped her winnings from the center of the table to her spot. “Watch out, Shep’s a dangerous sore loser.” 

“Hey he stuck that in _my_ face, don't act surprised when I bite it off.” Shepard said, playing it off as purposeful rather than admitting that the ryncol she’d brought back from Tuchanka was actually working wonders.

Zaeed bent over her to pour more bourbon into her glass. “If that’s how you treat all your suitors you must have left a long trail of blood behind you girlie.” 

Shepard whirled around to face him, propping one foot on her chair and running a hand over his bicep. “Wouldn’t you like to know?”

“Oh, _dearly,_ love. Dearly,” the old mercenary said, leaning into her advances.

Across the table, Thane glanced at Garrus’s blank face from the corner of his eye. 

They made eye contact but the turian merely shrugged as he organized his cards. “Just wait, you’ll see.”

“Oh fucking please. _Gross_! It’s bad enough she put the image of her and the bird in my brain, now I’ve got to imagine your old wrinkly balls too?! Fuck off Zaeed!” Jack threw a handful of popcorn at the pair. 

Grunt guffawed loudly.

The mercenary opened his mouth to retort but choked on a gasp instead as fingers creeped dangerously up the inside of his thigh. He snapped his head down but Shepard had already claimed her prize: the small flask he kept on his hip. She tipped the contents into her mouth before he could stop her. 

Zaeed snatched the little flask out of her hands. “Bamboozled by broads! Do you know what stock that whisky was, devil woman?! GRUNT! See, this is what I was telling you! Never trust a woman!” 

Grunt and Jack both were too busy laughing to listen though. The krogan laughed so hard he began coughing and the biotic thumped him hard on the back a few times. Tali, Hadley, Jacob, Jensen, Ken, and Gabby joined in. 

Garrus flared his mandible and turned to Thane. 

The assassin nodded. “I see.”

Even Mordin was grinning ear to ear, glancing over his cards. “Extraordinary use of female wiles to beguile target. Could teach class.”

“Thank you, thank you, now for my next trick I’m going to actually win a damn hand. Deal me in Joker.” Shepard swished her drink around a few times.

Tali giggled, her speech pattern halting, thoroughly trashed already “Shepard, you don’t have any more credits.” 

“Then share yours!” The Commander stood and snaked hands across the table to where the quarian was sitting next to Garrus.

She squealed loudly, pulled her stash in close and batted at the N7s hands. “Noooo Shepard I shared with you last time and you lost them to Kasumi! You need better...um… training on your poker face!”

“Rich coming from the lady in the helmet,” she grumbled and sat back down. 

Joker shuffled the cards, loudly snapping them together, then began dealing. “Do you have any collateral Commander?”

Shepard put on a pout and crinkled her brows. “Oh! Kasumi, do you still have that dress?”

The thief's eyes rounded. “NO! Shepard, I’m not going to let you put that in the pot!” 

“I’m not going to put it in the pot! I’ll wear it for the rest of the game, that’s my bet this hand,” she stated matter-of-factly and leaned back to sip her drink.

The room was quiet for a split second.

“I’m all in!” Kenneth announced.

Gabby rolled her eyes exasperatedly. “You haven't even seen your hand yet!”

Jenson and Hadley both threw credits into the middle of the table. 

“Finally an excitin’ round,” Zaeed crowed.

“I’m all in to- too!” Tali stammered. Joker looked at her with his eyebrows raised. “What? I didn’t get to see it in person like _you_ did!”

Kasumi made a show of pushing some of her credit pile in front of Thane’s tea cup, then poorly imitated him. “Green is her best color.” She flicked some of the chits from it into the middle. The assassin fixed her with a look. “What? You act all suave and unaffected but I saw the way you stared at her ass, Sere Krios. Can’t be mad at someone doing _you_ favors.” 

He sighed and worked two fingers into his temple.

Garrus pushed a handful of chits into the pot at the same time Jack did. They both looked at each other. 

“I see you space-raptor,” Jack exclaimed.

“And I see you… ah… insane biotic pyjack,” he shot back. Jack rolled her eyes hard.

Mordin pushed his credits in last, causing Garrus to lift his brow plates. “Professor?”

“Dr. Solus is a man of the arts. He appreciates beauty in all forms.” Shepard tossed her hair arrogantly.

Garrus turned back to the salarian with skepticism written all over his mandibles.

The professor shrugged. “Not an incorrect assessment.”

“Alright alright,” Joker finished handing out the last of the cards. “Bets out people. Call or raise.” There was a flurry of activity.

“Damn this was a great hand, wish I had something to raise with.” Shepard leaned back with a sigh and finished her drink.

“You could play in that dress, sitting on someone’s lap the rest of the night.” Zaeed pointed at her.

“Ooooh hear that? The old man is confident! I raise,” Jack exclaimed.

“I’d take your shotgun,” Grunt muttered.

Shepard cradled her cards to her chest. “Not Winston! He’s my baby!”

“Everyone blitz!” Joker called. Another flurry of activity as people passed cards to their left. “Final call.”

Zaeed threw his hand down in frustration. At the end of the table,Jenson and Jacob folded too.

“That everyone? Wow okay. Lay ‘em out!” The pilot carefully set his cards down.

Shepard threw hers haphazardly in front of her. “Read ‘em ‘n weep boys!”

“Kami-sama, she actually has a good hand!” Kasumi stood to get a better look at the cards.

Joker, Ken, Kasumi, and Jack all stood to take stock of who had the best cards. It was quite difficult to focus on what one person was saying in Shepard’s very inebriated state, but honestly sitting back and listening to everyone have fun was as good as wrapping up in a warm blanket. They’d made it. All of them. And here they were, a great, big, weird family. 

Shepard drew her legs up onto her chair, hugging her knees to her chest. She’d been trying all night not to dwell on how much she wanted to pause this moment in time. No Collectors, no Reapers, no tribunal, and no batarians. 

She didn’t want to admit it to herself, but hours of goodbyes to each of the departing crew members had been rough. Some had even shed tears - over _her_ no less! These men and women had been willing to give their lives because they believed her that the Reapers were a threat. They weren’t even Alliance, _they just believed in her_. Even Samara had decided that she had been in the right. A hardened Justicar had believed her about Aratoht, even when the Council and Alliance brass wouldn’t. 

Although being taken out by the hottest Asari she’d ever laid eyes on would have been preferable to what she was about to have to go through. 

But it was nice finally feeling heard. Maybe she shouldn’t have been so hard on Tim at the Collector base - after all, that man had believed in her so much he brought her back across the river Styx. Shame he was nutso. 

Shepard glanced up and met Garrus’s blue eyes across the table, his mandible wavering. Worried. Oh.

 _Don’t worry, I’m just brooding._ Shepard pasted a smile on.

A hand waved in front of her face. “Hellooooo, Earth to Commander Shepard!”

She bent her head back to lock eyes with Gabby and Kasumi standing over her. “I’m sorry but Commander Shepard is no longer accepting collect calls from Earth,” she said, her speech a bit slurred.

The two women laughed. “No, we’ve got to get you up darling, to get you dressed for your final show!” Gabby patted her shoulder.

“Aw damn! Did I lose?!” She turned back to the table.

“Boy did you, Mordin _and_ Hadley had better hands than you Shep.” Joker pulled his hat off and ruffled his hair. “Now get to prancing for us!” His statement set off a chorus of whistling and catcalls that followed her, Gabby, and Kasumi all the way down the hall to the thief's quarters. 

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

As soon as the door cycled open Shepard threw herself face first into the couch. 

“Ahhh… okay I’m ready,” she said, muffled by the cushions.

Gabby laughed. “What, are we supposed to get you dressed while you lie there like a slug?”

“Sure, that sounds lovely. I’ll just take a quick nap,” the Commander mumbled.

“Don’t have girl time without me!” Tali’s voice called from the doorway. 

Kasumi pulled the dress out from a box under her bed. “We wouldn’t dream of it Tali.”

Tali plopped down next to her as Kasumi brought the dress over for inspection. The quarian’s three fingers traced the delicate chains of the outfit. “It’s lovely. I’m so jealous we don’t get to wear things like this.”

Gabby sat in a chair across from the couch. “Maybe it’s better that way. You guys have the most fitted, attractive enviro suits I’ve ever seen. If the quarian’s didn’t have to wear them they’d be the fashion icons of the galaxy - then there’d be war between you and the asari!”

Tali giggled “You know, that’s probably right.”

Shepard stood with a huff, whipped off her hoodie and dragged her tank top over her head. “I agree, even enviro-suited, you were all stylish on the Flotilla. So many different wrap colors.”

“It’s easier to distinguish who is who that way. What families are which,” the quarian explained.

Shepard dropped her sweats and yanked off her sports bra. Tali squealed loudly and put her hands over her visor. 

“Geeze, Tali, how many times have you seen me naked?”

“I knoooow! It’s just shocking when you act like you don't care, you just - rip it all off!” She peered through her fingers.

Shepard shimmied the dress over her head. “Well, whatever shame a person might have is stripped away lickety-split in the military. Communal showers and all.”

Gabby nodded. “Not something a gal can afford to maintain in the Alliance.”

Tali gasped, locking her fingers in tight again with another lilting giggle as Shepard stepped into the accompanying beige thong. The Commander poked her a few times in the side, eliciting more squeals from the drunken quarian.

“Okay, I’m ready.” Shepard rubbed her arms. “I should have thought this through better, it’s going to be cold.”

“I’m sure Thane would volunteer to warm you up,” Kasumi said with a grin.

Tali sucked in air dramatically. “What is all this Thane talk?! Did I miss something?”

“No, you didn’t - Kasumi just has an active imagination.” Shepard made for the door.

Gabby grabbed her arm as she tried to walk past.“Not so fast! At least put on some eye shadow, it’ll complete the fantasy.” 

“I’m just going to be sleeping soon. No point!” Shepard retorted.

Tali grabbed her other arm. “Pleaaase Shepard! I didn’t get to see it!”

Shepard conceded with a long exasperated sigh and let the engineer push her back onto the couch. “Okay okay, fine. But only for you Tali. I can’t _stand_ when you give me those puppy dog eyes.”

She giggled. “Shepard, you can’t even see my eyes.” 

The Commander leaned over and pressed her forehead up against the quarian’s face mask. “Sure I can - vaguely.”

Gabby stood over her. “Lean back and close your eyes, I’ll make it quick.” 

“My god, I just had flashbacks to my first boyfriend at basic,” the N7 blurted. 

Their chorus of laughter spilled down the hall.

“Thane’s got a really sexy voice you know. Oh, and a really sexy everything else too.” Kasumi’s ever present hood didn’t hide her mischievous grin.

“I thought you were a Jacob kind of girl?” Shepard intoned. 

The thief laughed. “Have you seen his abs?! You should have made him spar with with you too.”

“Abuse of power is only like, very first thing they teach you _not_ to do in the Alliance.” Shepard rolled her eyes.

Gabby paused and pulled a brush away from the Commander’s face. “That fight between you two was great though. It was more hot and bothered than any romance novella.” She fanned her face with her hand.

Shepard shifted uncomfortably. That wasn’t anywhere near as ‘hot and bothered’ as it got either, but that definitely wasn't something she needed them finding out about - it had turned into a mistake anyway. She played with the chained hem of the dress. 

Gabby smirked. “Hmmm… but Garrus’s voice isn’t bad either.” 

Tali shrieked loudly through her helmet modulator. “Keelah, finally someone said it! I would pay that man to recite anything from ‘Fleet and Flotilla’ to me!”

Kasumi picked up a book from her shelf. “Should I take this out there? They can read to us. We can pick once and for all who is better.” The three women laughed.

The Commander shook her head. “Drunkenness doesn’t agree with you ladies. Neither of them could even read that!” They all just laughed harder.

“Well, we have the extranet! It’d be worth it, imagine either one of those voices whispering sweet nothings to you.” Gabby sighed.

Shit. Shepard _could_ imagine - mostly because she didn’t need to. That squirmy feeling of uncomfort rose again. “You all realize that Garrus can easily hear what you are saying right?” 

Jack’s voice boomed down the hall. “He said that was true, and us men are playing a round without you giggling harpies!”

Tali’s screech probably echoed through the entire galactic quadrant they were in.

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

Grunt’s rhythmic snoring from where he’d collapsed over the table was starting to become background noise. Many crew had gone to bed, leaving only a small group to look for redemption in Skyllian: Jack, Zaeed, Garrus, Thane, Tali, and Shepard were the last ones standing. Shepard yawned, trying to hide it behind her hoodie sleeve. 

“The girl scout is going down over here boys.” Jack smirked.

“Didn’t I make it clear that that wasn't a good moniker for me?” Shepard leaned back and stretched.

“You put the hoodie on over that poor excuse for a dress. You’ll be a girl scout till you take it off.” The biotic threw two cards down.

“Jack, when are you going to just drop the bullshit and tell me you love this ass? No one will blame you, even I think it’s pretty good. Miles better than the ass I used to have. You can even pay your compliments to the chef, she’s asleep in her office.” Shepard stood a chit up and flicked it - straight into Garrus’s glass.

“Dear god, do not ever refer to Miranda as your ass chef ever again, I’m going to have nightmares!” The biotic pushed some chits into the middle of the table.

The turian sighed. “That has been touched by nearly everyone on the ship, Shepard.” He fished the chit out with a gloved talon. “Also, that is patently untrue.”

The Commander propped her chin on her hand. “What is?”

“It’s not miles better than Shepard 1.0’s ass,” he rumbled matter-of-factly. 

Jack sucked in a loud breath. “Oh my god, he is making his move and I’m here to witness it.”

Garrus shot a withering look at the biotic. “Look, I’ve been watching her six longer than anyone here. If anyone should have an opinion on her ass, it’s me.”

The Commander threw her head back and laughed. Even Thane smiled.

“He’s right you know,” Tali said between giggles. 

“A regular ass connoisseur. And a suspected cheater if that visor shows biometrics at all.” Jack squinted at the offending piece of equipment. 

“I know your heart rate went up to 134 bpm when Shepard bent over to pick up Hadley’s credits,” Garrus boasted.

“This fucking cheater! He’s had that thing on all night! Take it off Vakarian!” Jack gestured wildly.

“Yeah take it off Vakarian,” Shepard mumbled, her head tucked neatly into her arms, eyes closed.

Tali reached over to pet her hair. “Are you asleep?”

“Nope. I’m imagining Sparatus’s face when I see him in the next few days. I’m just resting my screaming voice.” She murmured and shifted, chains and crystals tinkling quietly against the table.

Garrus stood, walking around the table to her small form. “Shepard, you should sleep. You’re going to have a long day when we make landfall.” He leaned his palms on the table on either side of her.

“I know. But I don’t want this night to end,” she whispered. 

He sighed, something tightening painfully in his carapace. Neither did he honestly.

“Come on Shepard, when you start talking about Sparatus you’re delirious.” He put a hand under her arm.

“Jealous, Vakarian?” she mumbled as he pulled her up from the chair.

“Pffft. Hardly. Your good side is a much safer place to be I think.” He grabbed her shoulders as she wobbled. “Those shoes are ridiculous.”

She bent and pulled them both off. Whoa. Deja Vu. “Were you always such a killjoy?”

“I think the term you were looking for was devilishly handsome?” He herded her towards the lift and stepped in with her.

Tali swallowed loudly after the door closed behind them. “Poor Shepard. I’ve been thinking that all night too. This whole thing is ridiculous. The Alliance and the Council are all bosh’tets. I can’t believe I can’t defend her at that trial.” Her voice wavered, “She spoke at mine.”

“Eh, human politics aren’t anything like yours. They’d use all of us against her, trick us into incriminating her, or worse, ourselves. It’s just better this way - easier,” Zaeed grumbled. “And what will the galaxy do when the Reapers come, and the only person ready for it is in jail?”

“You already fucking know. They’ll crawl to her with their tails between their legs when it all goes to shit,” Jack muttered. “And when it’s too late for her to save them, they will crucify her.”

“Wha… what does that mean?” Tali stuttered.

Thane exhaled a breath. “In human folklore, that was what they did to a man who they considered their messiah. They tortured him to death.”

“Keelah,” Tali breathed.

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

As soon as the door to her quarters pulled back she dropped the hoodie into a heap and tapped down the stairs. She stopped to fuss over her shoulder compression sleeve at the bottom as the cabin lights sensed her and illuminated the deck. The play of light and shadow as the muscles in her back moved, the rustling crystals of the dress, the way they cast pinpricks of light around the cabin - she was captivating.

“Come to Palaven with me,” he blurted before he could even form a coherent sentence in his head. Damn.

She turned, and whatever look that was, he didn’t like it at all. Like she was looking at a child.

“Stay with me?” Her fingers played with the line of chains at the hem of the dress and she dropped her gaze to the floor.

His sub-vocals hummed for her, more and more at each of these encounters, and thank the Spirits she didn’t seem to understand them yet. “I can’t.” he said. “If I don’t go back down there now, they’ll know.”

She shrugged. “So? Let them know.” 

She didn’t care? Really? He blinked and awkwardly walked down the stairs, stopping in front of her.

“Besides, wouldn’t it be a shame if I went untouched in an outfit like this?” Shepard grabbed one of his hands and broke the seal of the gauntlet, tugging it off with purpose. She paused when she uncovered newly filed digits. “Wait, you trimmed your talons?”

He rubbed the back of his neck. “Well...I...” He paused and sighed. “There’s no way around this being embarrassing. We keep having these… run ins, and I didn’t want to hurt you if it happened again.”

She laughed. “You can say sex you know. We keep having sex.” She guided his hand under the beading of the garment to cup her bare bottom. 

Garrus never needed much prompting - such was the fate of two people on such similar wavelengths. He squeezed appreciatively and his deep thrumming dropped a few octaves in his chest. “Mmm... it would be a bit of a shame.”

Shepard dragged his other gauntlet off and searched for the seal on his keel yoke as he busied his other palm behind her as well. “Are you going to help me here big guy?”

**

“I don’t know, you seem to be doing a fine job.” He snaked a long finger forward, tracing delicate folds through her underwear.

She paused, sucking in a breath at the contact, then doubled her efforts to remove his armor pieces, yanking on the yoke. “Dammit, Vakarian, you -” 

He wrapped an arm around her and easily pushed the little scrap of cloth aside, gently fingering her clit for a few slow revolutions before sheathing the thick digit inside of her.

She didn’t get to finish the thought as a gasp was wrenched from her throat.

He stooped and dragged her higher to bury his face in the crook of her shoulder. “Take your hair down,” he thrummed into her neck, breathing deeply. 

She lifted a hand from his cowl but hesitated, so Garrus swiped his tongue across her clavicle and up around the shell of her ear. Shepard sighed contentedly and softened in his grip, her skin prickling into bumps in that odd way. 

She pulled the elastic from her hair, sending it cascading around them. “You’ve got a thing for this, don’t you?” The mellow, little laugh she let out created a tightness in his keel that felt like it was choking him.

He buried the hand he’d had at her back into the long tresses, scraping talons along her scalp. 

“Possibly,” he muttered. Maybe he did. He didn’t rightly know himself, but it smelled strongly of _her._

They’d been all around the terminus, running and gunning for months - but her funeral played in his head - the memory’s edges still sharp - and it butted unwelcomely into their moment. He froze as the images played: Anderson’s solemn face as he stood by her empty coffin, the horrible documentary about her life that played in the background, Joker’s miserable countenance with his arm in that sling. His thrumming stuttered to a stop.

 _It’s a miracle you can hold her like this at all._

He nosed behind her ear and willed himself to breathe her in and count the little brown dots that adorned her shoulder.

“Garrus?” Shepard murmured. 

She tilted her chin down, dragging her fingers slowly up the hide of his neck and placed her lips just behind his good mandible pulled a growl from his keel.

The little guarded smile she wore when she braced her hands on his chest plates and pushed him back? He’d remember that until he died. Garrus followed the silent order, and took a step back to sit heavily on the bed. His hands never left her skin; he pulled her with him, dragging her to stand between his knees. Before she could once again lament his hard suit his azure tongue snaked out, easily navigating the delicate chains of her dress to envelope a nipple. Shepard reached behind his head and carefully unhooked his visor, setting it on the nightstand. He took the hint, and quickly divulged himself of his ablative plating, setting the pieces an arm’s length away from them on the bed. 

When he turned back towards her she was standing with her arms clasped loosely in front of her, the motion of her breathing scattering pinpricks of multicolored light across the room. 

He had to bite down on more stupid words. _Iridescent._ She lifted the hem of the dress up like she was going to take it off, so Garrus grabbed both of her palms before she could and guided her small, slender fingers over the buckles of his undersuit. He wasn’t completely free of it before she dragged her palms along his stomach, setting every tense muscle quivering in her wake. 

She knelt, touching his calf spurs with a curious look on her face, then casually draped her arms across his lap. She looked perfectly at home; meanwhile he was struggling to remember how to breath around the tightness in his keel. His sub-vocals wavered and stuttered pathetically, but she gave no indication that it bothered her. 

“You trust me right?”

He let her question linger in the cool air of her cabin for a few beats too long, so she traced her fingers along the muscles inside his thighs, inching towards the spread plates at his groin.

“You already know the answer.” He tilted his chin down and fixed her with a look.

“Do I? Not like I really know what I’m doing here. So stop me if something is off.” And with that she leant forward and dragged her tongue up and over the hide under his groin plates, dipping gingerly into his sheath.

Her wide, flat tongue was - odd, honestly, but also soft and wet, so she pulled him from his sheath in no time. And when her mouth closed around him he nearly jumped clean out of his hide. Human mouths could not be more different from turians’. Slick, pliant, subsuming heat surrounded him, and as he watched his length disappear it was _too much_. Too fast, too erotic, too many fingers, too far in….

Garrus crushed his eyes closed and tried to focus on squelching down embarrassing noises and controlling the inadvertent movement of his hips - the absolute last thing he needed was to choke her. And then, Spirits, then she came back up with hollowed cheeks and it was so good it was painful. Cognizant thought fled and nothing was left but crystals dancing lightly along his thighs, her verdant eyes, her fiery fringe pooling just so…. He reached down and pulled her by her elbows into his lap.

_Spirits._

He couldn’t do anything but gasp in ragged breaths as she looked at him quizzically. “I can’t… I can’t…” He cupped her face and brought their foreheads together. 

Shepard nodded. “Hey, it’s fine. I said you should stop me.”

A few moments passed before it felt like he could breathe around the krogan sitting on his carapace. 

Shepard sat with her knees on either side of his hips, gently running her hands along his chest plates and blinking slowly. “Did I do something wrong there?” 

“No, not at all. It was just… intense,” he hummed. 

She smiled. “Intense like the yahg or intense like the thorian?”

Garrus tilted his head, considering. “Thorian. If it were intense like the yahg I’d be out cold,” he said with a chuckle.

“Good point.”

Shepard busied herself with every little inch of skin she could trace around his plates in the silent minutes that followed. Eventually his breathing slowed, and his thrumming returned. Three-fingered hands wandered teasingly under the delicate hem of her dress and up, and his thumbs circled her breasts before passing over her nipples and dropping down to cup her waist. She shivered in response and scooched forward to pin his arousal against her. He hissed a garbled curse and pulled her tighter to him. 

His phallus glided easily along her lips and upwards, pushing through the thin chains of the garment draped over them both. Shepard propped her hands on his keel and pressed him backwards into the pile of blankets.

The only warning he received was slender fingers around the base of his cock before she rocked down onto him, gliding far too slowly downwards, gasping and flexing around him and he was right back where he had been - too hot, too much - and then she _undulated_. It was all he could do to grasp her thighs, clench his teeth, and try to swallow around the lump in his throat. 

Strong muscles lifted her again and she leaned forward until he was nearly back out, and as her wide green eyes watched him, the thought struck him. His memories clearly laid the same wide eyes she’d had as she reached out to him at the Collector base over the Shepard in his lap. 

She’d almost fallen. Again his lungs constricted.

When she came back down to the hilt, she arched her spine to rest her hands behind her on his knees and set an unhurried pace. Her hypnotic motions wrested him from his inner thoughts, able to command his attention with just her body. Was that normal for humans? His brain scrambled desperately to keep up as she raised and lowered, rippling her whole body to suck him in and sliding languidly back up his shaft. Or was this some sort of dance? The show was absolutely lascivious - and the tilt of her eyebrows suggested that was her intention. 

But then once again she was overlaid with the memory of how dejectedly she’d sat on the shuttle pad of that asteroid base, thinking she was about to meet her demise. And he was about to lose her again. The last time he’d been separated from her, she’d died…. He held his breath as crystals flitted along his abdomen from her movements, and the room darkened.

Wait.

No, the edges of his vision were darkening and the pulse in his ears was drowning her out as his heart hammered too quickly against his carapace. The pressure inside him was strangling. Garrus shot up to wrap long arms around her and bury his face in her breasts. 

“Garrus?” she murmured. He didn’t move. “Big guy, you’re crushing me.”

He spoke into her chest, the words muffled, but even in her ryncol’ed state they were undeniably strained and lacked his usual dual-tone. It made the hair on the back of her neck stand up and her stomach clench uneasily.

“Are you alright?” she asked. He said nothing. “Do you want to -”

“No,” Garrus choked out. “No, it’s fine. I had more to drink than I thought. Just… give me a minute.” 

_Alcohol…_ sure. Regret creeped into the spaces between her bones. She shouldn’t have asked him to stay. Long unused instincts from her time in the Reds flared, telling her to flee, whispering about the dangers of “too intimate”. Her legs tensed as if to run before she remembered that it was _Garrus_ sitting under her. And in her. She willed herself to calm down and put her arms around his neck.

**

Wait, shit, he was breathing too hard, wasn’t he? Had he been like this before? She struggled to recall their previous encounters through her buzz. Something hot and wet slicked past her left breast. Shepard put hands under his chin and pulled him away from her. 

When she moved a hand away from him it was coated in a smear of cobalt blood. She jerked her gaze up to his face. “Oh, shit! Garrus, you’re bleeding through your bandage.” 

He made no motion to move, his chest still heaving.

“Stay there.” The commander gently lifted herself off of him with a groan and then turned towards the bathroom. 

Garrus caught her arm before she could move though, and pointed at his thigh armor. He watched her fiddle with the little compartments on the outside of each piece, then walk to her bathroom. The sink turned on.

What was happening to him?

Garrus sighed. The tightness was still there, he couldn't take a deep breath… but at least his heart had calmed down. He held a palm on his carapace.

Shepard returned to his side with a warm washcloth and a handful of wound dressing supplies. She made a motion with her elbow that confused him for a split second, but he moved his arms out of his lap and she straddled him again. He curled both his palms around her thighs.

She eyed him for a moment as she dumped the tubes of cream and the cloth bandage in her lap. “You sure it’s just the alcohol? You aren’t having an allergic reaction are you?”

“I don’t think so. I had Mordin give me a steroid injection before…” he trailed off. 

She huffed a laugh. “Before the relay? You casanova, planning to get in my pants.”

“Hm. No harm in a longer-term solution.” He flinched as she pulled the last crusted corner of his bandage off. 

“Shit.”

“That good, huh?”

“It hurts just looking at you Vakarian.” She tsked with her tongue and gently patted his neck and mandible with the washcloth. “I bet that was a fun conversation with the Professor.” She dropped her voice. “Excuse me Mordin, got any long-term antihistamines I could use to bang the Commander?”

He pulled his chin from her hand. “That is the worst impression of me I’ve ever had the misfortune of hearing.”

Shepard chuckled and then frowned, studying his torn up mandible. “What did Chakwas say about medigel?”

“Avoid - short term solution that will cause more scarring around the cybernetics.”

“Pain?”

“Not really. Looks worse than it is. The fall on the base just opened some of it back up.”

Shepard shot him a disbelieving look as he handed her the clean bandage and tube of wound cream. He watched her face closely as she worked on his jaw and neck, and wondered if she knew she sometimes stuck her tongue out when she was concentrating. 

“You’d better be careful big guy, no taxing yourself with repairs. I don’t know any krogan women so we’ve got to get you all pretty again.” Her lip corner pulled up into that familiar smirk.

He let the muscle tension in his neck drain as she cradled his head, relaxing into her touch. This might be his last moment to enjoy their easy camaraderie - enjoy _her_. That thought chased away the lingering tightness in his keel, but left behind was an achy, hollow feeling that persisted over the next few days, anytime he saw her face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> D: We're almost done! Thank you thank you so much to everyone who has read through this little story of mine. I hope you will continue with me after I write the next portion of this story through the events of Me3. Be sure to keep a look out for the next installment, Of Shallow Graves and Glorious Cinders. I'll be sure to update here when it is done and being posted. Considering the time it took me to write this, I imagine if I'm lucky I'll start posting OSGGC towards the end of this year. I'm about 5 or 6 chapters in so far on that story. I hope you all enjoyed this chapter, and of course please let me know what you thought! I am so thankful to all of you who leave me comments and kudos. You mean the world to me.


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, here we are at the conclusion. Finally my blood sweat and tears all the way through 2020 culminate and end here. It's a weird feeling. I've said thank you a LOT for reading - but I hope you know how much I mean it. I wrote this story for myself , and its so rewarding and shocking that others have enjoyed it as much as I have. Thank you for your kind words and comments, they never fail to lift my spirits. I'll be spending this year writing the next portion of this story through ME3 - Of Shallow Graves and Glorious Cinders. Please come keep me company on tumblr, crescentbunny.tumblr.com, or twitter, @crescentbunny. I post my artwork and little story snippets and thoughts. I enjoy being bugged and interreacted with, so don't be shy or afraid! I'm just a person with a keyboard.
> 
> Also when the Remaster is out I will be romancing Garrus in HD on Twitch here: https://www.twitch.tv/crescent_bunny
> 
> Love you all, and please be kind to yourself

Shepard stood magnetized to the exterior of the Normandy looking up at the huge swing arm bringing in a new hull segment for the cargo bay. Liara had really come through. They were moored inside an expansive shipyard owned by someone whose identity the asari wouldn't give, but who was apparently a sympathetic believer with a whole lot of cash and a lot of influence on Illium. Thanks to that, they’d been able to sail in cloaked and stay off the Nos Astra space port coms, which meant staying perfectly off-record. 

Her boots thunked loudly as she moved, weaving through a team of salarians and asari welding and hammering. She was trying to focus on observing them, but the silence in her helmet made her mind keep replaying the goodbyes she’d had hours ago.

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

_The matriarch was standing in front of her usual window, a small duffle slung across a shoulder, surveying the skeletal structure of the ship bay. She turned crystal blue eyes on the Commander’s smaller form. “They’ve already started repairs?”_

_Shepard inclined her chin. “Should be a few days, then we’ll be on to the Citadel.”_

_Samara nodded. “I am proud of what we accomplished together, Commander. Much of my life has been spent in solitude - traveling on the Normandy has been a great privilege.” She halted for a beat and a smile pulled at her lips. “And it has been great fun.”_

_The facial expression was so rare for the serene Justicar that it tugged at Shepard’s heartstrings. Samara moved forward and slipped both arms gently around her, and rested a cheek on top of her head._

_Shepard hugged her fiercely. For a few brief moments they were just a girl who never knew her mother, and a mother who had lost a daughter._

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

_“Commander.” Miranda’s accented voice pulled her from the email she’d been crafting to Anderson._

_It was still weird to see the operative outside of her Cerberus skintex, but here she was in the mess in just a pair of jeans and a fitted t-shirt._

_“All packed Lawson?” Shepard stood._

_The woman shrugged. “Not a lot of personal items that have nothing to do with Cerberus, and not a lot I can afford to bring while on the lam.” Her mouth twitched upwards._

_Shepard sighed, working fingers into her temple. “You gave up everything by leaving Cerberus Miri. I guess the only thing I can hope is that I pissed him off more than you did - maybe I’ll keep the focus off of you and your sister that way. You don't deserve to have to look over your shoulder all the time.”_

_Miranda clucked her tongue. “You don't deserve that either.”_

_She smiled. “Thanks Miranda. I don’t know if I’ll be reachable, but that info packet I sent you has names and numbers; if you need help don’t be too proud to ask for it.” Shepard squeezed the operative’s slender hand in hers. “I owe you my life. Thank you for all of your hard work.”_

_A grin spread over Miranda’s face. “And don’t you forget it. If the Alliance tries to hang you I’m busting you out. It’ll be a cold day in hell before I let them destroy what I created with my blood, sweat, and tears.”_

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

_“Don’t make that face Shepard. I’ve already set a date to break you out with Miranda.” The thief smirked from under her hood, standing halfway down the gangway._

_“Ha. Please don’t, you’ve already got Bau after you, you don’t need the Alliance too.” Shepard’s lip corners tugged up._

_Kasumi waved a hand dismissively. “Pshh. Aria made him sound scarier than he really is. We’ve been playing cat and mouse for years. He’s smart, I like him.”_

_“Well, one Spectre each is manageable I guess.” Shepard shook her head._

_Kasumi walked back up the airlock and gave the Commander a quick hug. “Thank you Shep, for helping me get Keiji’s grey box. You’ve been a wonderful friend to me. I won’t forget it.”_

_Shepard squeezed the small woman’s shoulders. “Keep it safe. Whatever he found sounds like it puts you in danger. But, I know you’ll manage.”_

_The two women smiled at each other._

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

_“Alright girlie. No tears, I hate it when women cry.” Zaeed dropped his heavy rucksack on the table in front of her._

_Shepard scrambled to grab her datapad and cup before the bag slammed into them. “I think you’re safe, I don’t make a habit of crying over old farts.”_

_“Good. I assume you’re sitting here compiling evidence and speaking with a team of high profile lawyers?” He rested his palms on the table, glancing around the empty mess hall._

_“Mmm, I was toying with the idea of letting Jack represent me - wouldn’t that be entertaining?” she said, her face splitting into a grin._

_“Bloody hell the bird was right, you DO have a death wish.” He straightened and flicked open his omni-tool. “Just so happens I know a few high profile lawyers.”_

_Seconds later her tool beeped with an incoming message. “Aw, I didn’t know you cared Zaeed.”_

_His tone sobered. “You being on trial is a fucking travesty, a puppet show for god-damned politicians.”_

_Shepard exhaled a breath. “It does feel like the Alliance has shoved a Hackett-shaped fist up my ass.” She dragged a hand through her hair. “What about you? Any idea what you’ll do now?”_

_The old mercenary straightened with a finger on his chin. “Well, since you helped me kill that son of a bitch Vido… I guess retire. Find a place in a desert, somewhere I can see someone coming from miles away. Yeah, that sounds nice.” He pointed at her omni-tool. “Once those lawyers get you off, you’re welcome to join me. I bet we could even squeeze out a few little red headed bastards before the Reapers come,” he said, with a surprisingly charismatic grin._

_The Commander threw her head back and laughed._

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

_Legion was the last to leave, and somehow the hardest to let go of. He had challenged so many of her preconceived perceptions of synthetics. He’d shown her that the geth just wanted what any organic had: freedom of will, safety, a place to belong. Their ability to interconnect with consensus was truly amazing - they immediately knew each other’s hearts with no obfuscation nor insecurities to taint their interactions._

_And even though Legion continued to be somewhat secretive about his true purpose in trying to find her, he had proven himself completely trustworthy in battle - he’d saved her, even carried her when she couldn’t walk._

_And now he stood just outside the shuttle with not a single personal effect to his name, and somehow that thought left a tight feeling in her chest. He turned and fixed his head lamp on her, the iris expanded and contracted a few times._

_“Will you be okay? You’ve got a pickup scheduled?” She folded her arms and rubbed her biceps._

_The little shutters around his light lifted. “Affirmative. This platform requires no sustenance, air, or gravity. The shuttle will suffice.”_

_“Prepare them, Legion. You’ll be the only people truly ready for the Reapers.” She couldn’t suppress a sad smile. “I wish we could all reach consensus. I’m envious of the geth.” She hesitated for a moment, then stepped closer. “I know you won’t judge me, Legion. Between you and I: I’m scared.”_

_Shepard’s eyes roved over the charred N7 breast plate he wore. “So many will die because we are too stupid, too blind, too individual - or maybe because I’m a failure. Maybe I could have done something differently. But I feel better knowing the geth might survive.”_

_Legion very gently placed his palms on her shoulders. “Do not be afraid, Shepard-Commander. Odds of survival are not yet zero for the Milky Way. We will return back through the Veil to seek consensus. We gained much information from the Collector base - an answer will present itself.”_

_She nodded. “I hope you’re right. Thank you Legion, for listening. Bend your head down here for a second,” she said._

_He obliged, his head shutters undulating. Shepard lifted the dog tags from her neck and looped them over his. “I want you to have these.”_

_The geth gazed down at them curiously. “Shepard-Commander?”_

_“I feel like they belong with that chest piece. And I’m hoping they’ll bring you more luck than they brought me.” She reached up to pat him on the shoulder. “Be safe, my friend.”_

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

Shepard blinked rapidly, trying to drag herself from the memories, moving around the rounded portion of the hull to the underbelly of the Normandy. The repair team had just begun installation of the first plate over a hole their fight with the drone had left behind and Tali, being her foremost expert in safe vacuum repairs, was supervising. 

Shepard crossed her arms while watching the quarian bend and point something out to one of the salarian engineers. The Commander chewed on the inside of her cheek - the silence was causing her thoughts to drag her under again. Legion and Wrex were the only ones who would have any success in preparing their people for what was to come, which was at least something… but the rest of the galaxy’s ignorant populace was weighing heavily on her conscience.

Shepard’s eyes were fixed on Tali, completely unseeing. She’d sent an information packet and vid containing everything she’d found at the Collector base to the Council days ago, and the lack of communication on that front was... telling. At least Anderson was a constant, trying to keep her abreast of things and preparing her for their Citadel arrival. 

Wait. Why couldn’t she hear her engineer over the com?

“Everything okay Tali?” Shepard called. 

The quarian didn’t turn her head. Hm. The N7 traipsed over and touched her friend on the shoulder.

Tali looked at her and probably spoke, but nothing except quiet reigned over the communication line. Shepard shook her head and pointed at her helmet. Tali pointed at herself and then the ship. Her coms were working then. 

The Commander nodded and walked back up around to the top of the vessel while pulling up her suit diagnostics. She quickly scrolled through the visor’s interface. Nothing red at a glance. Odd. She flicked up her omni-tool and started the scanner. 

It was a tiny thing, just a glint that seemed odd as she glanced up at the crane. Shepard threw herself sideways - a difficult feat considering the magnetized boots - but whatever spun by her smashed into the hull at such a speed that she didn’t even register it was a humanoid until it uncurled itself and stood.

Male. Human most likely, but the visor was shielded so he could be batarian. She drew her pistol but he was lightning fast. The glint again, shit. He had a blade - her shields would be useless. The old fashioned way was still the best way to kill out in vacuum. She drew her pistol but he was lightning fast. Shepard blocked his stab but lost her pistol, the impact of the blade across her knuckles, jarring it from her fingers. The gun bounced against the hull, firing once then spiraling off into space. 

Her eyes darted around, but of course, no technicians were up here now. Was this planned? The sympathizer was actually on the Hegemony payroll? Or perhaps Cerberus’s. Alright, fine. Knife fight it was. The silence in her helmet was broken only by her staccato breathing. 

Shepard activated her omni-blade, the orange glow lit both combatants. He circled slowly so she played along, moving in the opposite direction, both of them getting a feeling for the other’s movements. 

His hard suit was fairly nondescript, but the swooping lines were something obviously made by Kassa - so he was human. Kassa meant money, no expense spared, which made Cerberus most likely. 

He darted forward and they clashed so closely she could see her reflection in his mirrored helmet. She deflected his blade but he jerked his wrists, sending the edge glancing off her thigh plate. Damn, he was fast. Shepard had a sinking feeling the longer this went on, the more it would be his game. 

They danced back and forth for minutes, looking for openings in each other’s guard patterns. The Commander ducked a high blow and he jammed an elbow into her shoulder, forcing her down against the hull. He reared his sword back as she tried to wrench free of him, and brought it down, aiming for the gaps in her chest plate. She managed to release a mag boot and kick him in the knee, forcing it out from under him and pushing his aim high. The blade bounced off a pauldron but sank through a seam into her collar. Depressurization alarms began blaring immediately, and her visor readout blinked red as Shepard heaved her assailant off of her with a grunt.

All too familiar hissing began when he dragged the blade back out of her. 

Shepard clamped a hand over the wound, red droplets already fanned out from the hole, glittering as they floated serenely. She struggled to put her boot back down to the hull as panic blossomed to life inside of her. 

The unknown man planted a leg behind himself and launched at her, preparing to strike the killing blow - but mid stride gunshots bounced off his shield. Shepard dived at him as he turned his attention away from her and toward his new assailant. 

Unable to bring her omni-tool to bear with her injured arm, she swung hard with her left fist and caught him right in the side of the head. They collided, kicking wildly and wrestling over his blade. She reached behind him, yanking at the hoses to his pack as more rounds bounced off his shields. She felt something tear - success! He tried to jerk away from her but she held him tight, so he put a fist into her head so hard her vision was suddenly just the scaffolding of the shipyard above them. Shepard felt his blade sink into her gut as he wrenched free of her grip. As she struggled to right herself he ignited a thruster pack and disappeared as quickly as he had come. 

The Commander’s eyes bulged, desperately trying to clamp a palm over her leak she rasped for breath. It was happening again. Her lungs were pure fire as she tried and failed to suck in oxygen, only choking on the nothingness of space.

Maybe whoever that was had just done her good. Certainly things were easier this way. 

Mercifully the black tinged edges of her vision soon took over, and all was calm again. 

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

“I swear Garrus, it couldn’t have been the sympathizer. I’m looking into the construction team, as fast as I can. I vetted them heavily though.” Liara sighed. “I am reluctant to call in a second one. That’s just more people putting their eyes on the Normandy.”

“But you’re looking into whoever that assassin was as well?” His sub-vocals hummed with annoyance.

“Garrus, of course I am! I didn’t work so hard to bring her back just to let her die again!” Liara’s voice wavered.

He blew out a breath. “I know, I’m sorry. I’m not trying to imply-”

“Do you understand how many hits are out for her right now?” she interrupted “It’s going to take me weeks to sift through all this information, not to mention how many people are requesting Broker contracts for her too. If I want to keep the change in the Shadow Broker’s identity a secret I’m going to have to accept one -”

“He was probably Cerberus,” a gravelly voice rose from behind him, breaking the the quiet of the Medbay.

“Shepard. You’re awake.” Heavy footfalls brought the turian to her bedside. 

“How do you know?” Liara’s voice issued from Garrus’s omni-tool.

Shepard cleared her throat with a dry cough and tried to speak.

Garrus scanned the room for a cup. “Hold on, you were intubated. Let me get you some water.” He walked out of her line of sight for a few moments and returned with a cup of blessedly cool water. 

She took it gratefully, and after a few sips was able to try again. “He was wearing Kassa armor. No distinguishing marks but considering the price tag - I’d put my bets on Cerberus.”

It was silent on the call for a few beats, most likely as the Shadow Broker typed. “Right, I’ll narrow my search from there. As for the construction crew -”

Shepard waved a hand the asari couldn’t see on a voice call. “It’s fine. Don’t bother with another crew, I assume we got the important things back up with the engines and the core?” She looked up at Garrus, who nodded. “We don’t necessarily need the hull intact to make the jumps to the Citadel. We’ll be fine Liara, you’ve done more than enough.” 

She could almost hear her friend’s hand-wringing over the speakers.

“Okay. Stay vigilant Shepard. I’m doing what I can from here,” Liara said softly.

“Thanks for everything Liara. I’ll keep in contact this time, I promise,” Garrus rumbled into his tool. 

The asari huffed. “You’d better. Be well, both of you.” The line cut off.

Shepard fixed Garrus with a look. “What was that about?”

His mandible waved slowly. “Ah… when you were…” He hesitated.

“Dead?” she supplied.

He sighed. “Yes, well, I wasn’t the most… social of turians afterwards.”

They both fell into silence while Shepard sipped.

“Are you alright?” he murmured.

She turned her head to meet his gaze. “Well, I lived this time. What happened?”

Garrus pulled the doctor’s desk chair over and sat. “Tali radioed that your coms weren’t working, said you looked like you were coming back in. When that didn’t happen, coupled with the noises on the hull, Thane and I went out to see what was going on. Whoever he was, he had some sort of jammer device, that's what took out your coms.”

The Commander blew out a breath that rustled the hair on her forehead. “I really hope he’s just trained on me and Miri got off-planet okay.”

“She’s a big girl Shepard, I’m sure she’s fine. The real question is why can’t we have even a few days of peace before you piss someone off enough to send an assassin after you?” he asked.

A chuckle turned into a coughing fit. “Ow. Jesus. You should know by now that those are the dangers of being as awesome as I am.” Shepard grinned. “This won't be the first job I quit where someone tried to kill me afterwards, the only difference now is I’m not some scared kid, so Tim can bring it on,” she croaked.

Garrus crossed his ankles. “Can’t you just write a letter of resignation like the rest of us?”

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

Garrus kept trying to focus on the conversation Citadel flight control was having with Joker, but his eyes kept wandering to Shepard’s form, slouched in the co-pilot’s seat. Over the few days of travel time to the Citadel she’d healed from her wounds, but he’d caught her awake in the mess most nights - frowning over datapads and nursing the tea she so hated. He’d sat with her, inquired why her brows were furrowed, but that had only ended in vague mumblings about not wanting to get him involved and some cursing about Hackett or Sparatus. 

He leaned back against the bulkhead behind the seats, his hide burning in agitation. She was going somewhere he couldn’t follow. Again. And what of the Reapers? Was there even a guarantee they’d let her out, and what deal had she and Anderson spoken about?

Shepard yawned, and rubbed a hand over her face. “Did they say anything special?”

His mandible twinged in a smile. Apparently she hadn’t been listening either. 

“No, surprisingly. Seems like business as usual,” Joker replied.

Shepard sighed and propped her feet up on the console. “Seems fishy - you ready for whatever happens here?”

“I was ready for whatever consequences when I told the Alliance to shove it after Cerberus called me.” He reached out to dismiss a flashing indicator on his console.

She smirked. “Wish I’d been there to see it. Must have been good because I had a hell of a time getting you reinstated. At least Chakwas filed for leave properly.”

He turned to look at her, eyes wide. “What? How the hell did you do that?!”

“Very carefully.”

Garrus snorted and she threw him a lopsided smile over her shoulder. His stomach clenched.

“Okay fine. Mostly it was Hackett. I made an appeal pointing out that if there’s even a chance the Reapers are real and coming to kill us all, they’ll need every pilot they can get. It also included some threats.” She and Joker made telling eye contact, her grin wicked. “You don't make it to Commander without at least _some_ dirt on important people.” She stretched and stood up, intending to leave the cockpit. 

Joker grabbed her forearm as she passed. “Thanks, Shepard.”

She smiled down at him. “No thanks necessary Jeff. Just be sure to brag to everyone who’ll listen that you’re the only man in the galaxy that has navigated the Omega Relay and lived to tell about it.” Shepard knocked the brim of his hat down over the pilot’s eyes before stopping in front of Garrus. “What about you, big guy?”

He sighed. “Am I ready for you to be tried? Spirits, no.”

She frowned slightly. “Well, think of it this way, at minimum you’ll get a few months with no one shooting at you, right?”

Honestly, the statement tugged at some yawning thing inside of him. Months. “I’ve changed my mind, Joker drop me off on Omega. Can’t have that.” Even to him his voice sounded strained, but she didn’t seem to notice. 

Shepard chuckled. “Well book that passage for later in the day okay? I’ve got to say goodbye to Mordin and Grunt by 1600. Me and you need at least _some_ time to have drinks in Chora's Den. For old time’s sake.” She put a hand on his shoulder before moving towards the growing chatter in the CIC behind them. 

But as with most things in Shepard’s life, nothing went according to her plan. She, Mordin, and Grunt were the first ones off the Normandy. Garrus took a few moments to share one last quip with Joker, but her scream interrupted them.

He would remember the sound for the rest of his years.

It was electric, primal, and like a stake had been driven through his carapace. The reaction was overplayed, considering no noise a human made was anything from Palaven, even though it still affected him as if evolution had grown them together. 

Thane bolted down the airlock passageway first, with Jacob immediately behind him. By the time Garrus made it down the ramp and onto the sprawling dock, Thane and Jacob were standing between Shepard and a host of hard-suited batarians and two C-Sec officers. Shepard was kneeling over Mordin, cradling him in her lap. There was a spray of green salarian blood across the floor in front of her, intermingled with smears of red. Two batarians lay dead at Grunt’s feet while he paced menacingly around his Battlemaster, and a growing crowd of onlookers were rippling away from the menacing krogan. 

_Damn._

Behind Garrus, Jack sucked in a breath. “What the fuck is going on!? They were down here for five minutes!” The biotic barreled around him to stand next to Thane.

“Everyone on the ground, NOW!” the asari officer yelled. Her and her turian partner had assault rifles pulled on the Normandy crew and the batarians, and the batarians had rifles trained on Shepard. 

Spirits, a stand off right here in the open, on the ward docks. C-Sec sirens wailed in the distance, which meant more officers inbound. 

“You people and your politics! You’re harboring a genocidal maniac!” one of the batarians howled at the C-Sec officers. “How is it that the Butcher of Torfan is elevated through military ranks to be unleashed on the batarian people again?!”

The crowd murmured. Garrus strode down to stand with Thane, Jack, and Jacob, holding both hands out as the turian officer drew a bead on him. 

“Unleashed?! You forget Torfan was your doing. Your people round us up like animals and sell us as slaves, remember Mindoir!” a human male yelled back from the front of the crowd. There was a chorus of shouts in agreement. Someone from the crowd threw something towards the batarians, spooking them. 

The batarians opened fire on both C-Sec and the Normandy crew, and that was all the excuse Grunt needed to charge headlong towards their assailants with a roar, he crashed into them loudly,scattering bodies as he went. 

“Grunt! NO!” Garrus tried to grab him as he shot by. 

The dock filled with gunfire and the screams of the on-lookers, the officers yelling above it all. Thank the Spirits for Jack, who kept them all safe with a well-timed barrier. 

Chakwas darted down the airlock ramp with a stretcher.

“Jacob! Please!” he heard Shepard shout over the din. The operative bent and helped Shepard pick the Professor up and load him onto the stretcher. Chakwas and Jacob ran back up the ramp just as more officers entered the fray.

Shepard came over open com. “Joker, don’t let _anyone_ else up that ramp without my express permission, I don’t care if it’s Anderson himself. Everyone else, keep those weapons sheathed we are _not_ going to be the cause of an inter species incident! Grunt, get back here! GRUNT!”

C-Sec had shown up in force; thirty officers swarmed them, pointing rifles and shouting threats. Three were on top of Grunt, dragging him to the ground -It was hard to even see his large form in the scuffle but the krogan’s bellow and the smell of burnt ozone suggested they’d tazed him. 

“STOP IT! Don’t hurt him, we aren’t your problem!” Shepard darted by Garrus as well.

“Shepard!” Garrus called after her.

She ran out of Jack’s barrier, and officers turned their weapons on her as soon as she stepped away from the biotic. The Commander went right up to the officers on Grunt and tore her helmet off. “I have Spectre authority, he is my crewman! I said get off!” She dragged an officer bodily off her krogan.

“Spectres wanted for questioning in the death of another Spectre have no authority here, Commander Shepard. You should be familiar with that,” a turian officer snarled back at her.

“Lower the shield and come peacefully!” the one closest to Jack yelled.

Surprisingly she complied, though not without cursing a magnificent string under her breath.

“Please, we didn’t start this, there’s no reason to point weapons at us!” Garrus pleaded. 

He stole a look over towards Grunt. Shepard was standing between him and the officers that had tazed him. All but one unlucky batarian had conveniently been lost in the crowd. While Shepard’s back was turned a human officer struck at her with the butt of his rifle. Thane launched himself at the man and that was the last thing Garrus saw.

[ ](https://imgur.com/TdWgEI7)

He blinked groggily. His shredded mandible ached, and the back of his skull radiated pain. Must have taken a stun round to the head. Garrus groaned, trying to pick himself up off the floor, but a weight on his back kept him pinned down. He couldn’t move his arms… ah, restraints clamped his wrists together behind his back. 

“STOP!” the desperate cry quieted the noise around them, and jarred him back to full consciousness. Garrus craned his neck to glimpse his Commander. She stood tall, her omni-blade pointed at her own throat. “Stop, or I deny everyone any chance at justice!”

A few beats passed where no one moved or spoke. Across from him Thane was also pressed into the floor with omni-cuffs on his wrists.

“Good. Now, I made a deal to turn myself in to the Alliance quietly in exchange for amnesty for my crew mates. Speak with Councilor Anderson.”

Behind Shepard on a large vid screen he could see them being shown live on the news - surrounded by C-Sec officers and a large crowd of onlookers.

A dual-toned voice boomed over the officers, “Everyone lower your weapons and step away from the krogan, the human, the drell, and Vakarian.” Chellick pushed through the crowd and stood between his men and the Commander, then turned weary eyes on her. “Please, Shepard. Put the blade away, that is no longer necessary.”

She lowered it slowly, nodding at the Executor. Garrus felt the officer stand up off of him so he pushed himself up to kneel. The news behind her was now running clips of her and Mordin from just minutes earlier with a ticker title of _“Commander Shepard’s Salarian Lover Murdered by Batarian Insurgents?”_ It cut to a replay of Shepard impressively gutting one of the now dead batarians laying behind them, then stooping to check the Professor with a frantic look on her face.

Garrus sighed, suppressing a dark laugh. Nothing ever really changed on the Citadel. He, Wrex, _and_ Tali had made the news rounds coupled with her after the mess with Sovereign.

“Garrus!” a familiar timber cut through the crowd. He snapped his head around just as his father and Anderson stepped forward out of the milling onlookers. 

“Shepard!” Anderson called and trotted over to the Commander and Chellick.

“Get these off of him, my son is no criminal!” Castis shouted at the officer nearest them as he grabbed the cuffs. 

“Dad?” Garrus was having a hard time wrapping his head around the man's presence. 

Castis nodded. “The Commander has been all over the news. I got word the Normandy was slated to come into port today and made my way straight here. I had a bad feeling about all of this,” his father rumbled lowly. The young turian officer he’d snapped at fumbled with Garrus’s cuffs. 

Garrus turned his attention back to Shepard. Chellick had snapped restraints on her and she was nodding at something Anderson was saying. They locked eyes over the shoulders of his father and the Councilor. 

The corners of her lips turned up, but her furrowed brow made it a sad look. She tipped her head subtly and glanced at Castis’s back. Garrus inclined his chin, never taking his eyes off of the expression on her features. She held up her wrists and pointed at her tool.

Seconds later a message popped up on his own omni-tool.

_Hey BG. This will probably be the only message I can get off. Please check on Mordin, make sure he lives for me? Grunt needs to make a transport to Tuchanka at 1600 hours. Don’t let them book Thane. I’m sorry to rely on you one last time. Thank you for everything. You look just like your father._

_S_

She wasn’t wrong, that had been the final contact he received from her. And over the next few months as he read and re-read that message, that last blood curdling scream and the look on her face as Chellick had led her away played on repeat every time he closed his eyes to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My last link: The Shakarian playlist I made for and listened to while writing this story for all those interested. https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4z2yGLVlUMHHi2GdXGTa92?si=Bi31XzBwRGSFPeStLf4yTg


End file.
